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Pouketto Waifai

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"So this is where Q is being kept." Dazai said nonchalantly, shrugging at how suspiciously easy it was to find it.  

The one beside him,  his old partner-now a mafia executive, Chuuya, snapped his head towards him,  "Yeah, so fucking do something about it. Let's get this over with! Any more moment of breathing the same air with you pisses me off!"

"Chuuya is being so impatient, you should control your anger though, or else ugly wrinkles will appear on your face."

The redhead stopped to place a hand on his cheek as he spoke in anxious manner,  "Really? Is that–"

"Of course I'm just messing with you!" Chirped the younger male gleefully.

"You bastard–" Chuuya aimed to kick his old partner on the shin,  but before the mafioso could do so, both of them felt the impeding bloodlust emitting from behind them.  They'll know for they are familiar with it. 

Dazai closed his eyes when the moment of what he had anticipated came, and blinding lights immediately illuminated the area they were standing in.  The disappointing sounds of various guns cocking their way and was now probably focused on them could be heard.  

 

"Good evening." Said an unfamiliar voice, accompanied by countless footsteps approaching the brunet. "Our strategist is adept at reading the enemy's actions." 

 

"Of course,  it's a trap." Dazai turned around to see the enemy,  his lopsided smile showcasing how he had already predicted this scenario. 

What he didn't predict however,  was what Chuuya said seconds after.  

Whispering in a barely audible tone,  the redhead went nearer his ex-partner, leaning over him.  "Oi Dazai, what did they say?" 

"Hm?" Informed the brunet,  tilting his head so he could hear the mafioso more clearly. 

The executive hissed,  elbowing the detective on his side.  "The blond dude! What did he say? I can't understand him." 

Only then did it occur to Dazai that in fact, the pair of enemy facing them right now just spoke in a language unfamiliar to them. Well, that was expected, as those people are from outside Japan but it should be covered, for–

"Shit." Chuuya cursed in his place, "I lost my Pocket Wifi!"

Dazai had the audacity to snort, "Your what?"

"MY POCKET WIFI!" Screamed Chuuya, mistakingly said in a tone loud enough for the enemy to hear. "I lost it! It was with me when I left the headquarters! Must've fall as I was on my way here!" The redhead then narrowed his eyes when he realized something. "Mori said there should be a WiFi connection here, those dudes from abroad need it. Hack it, Dazai! You can, right? So we can connect!"

"You broke it when you dramatically threw a huge boulder at me earlier. I tried to stop you, remember? But you still did it. I dodged, but you managed to hit the cables where it was hidden. Hmm, Chuuya really is such a clutz~" Teased Dazai, smirking as if there wasn't an enemy before them. "You look so cute panicking like that. Suits you!"

The redhead gritted his teeth furiously as he fumbled with the tiny device placed on his right ear. "Whose fault do you think it was that I lost my fucking temper!? And you'll panic too when your shitty self realizes that we can't understand what the fuck they're saying without our language translator earpieces which COINCIDENTALLY REQUIRES A FUCKING POCKET WIFI RIGHT NOW. NICE GOING, GENIUS!"

Dazai merely wheeze, "That's more fun though~ I left my Pocket Wifi at the agency because it has no battery anyway. So I guess we have to deal with fighting without talking!" 

"YOU ASSHOLE! YOU PROBABLY USED YOUR POCKET WIFI ALL DAY TO GOOGLE WAYS ON HOW TO SUICIDE! YOU FUCKING NUISANCE! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GATHER INFORMATION FROM THEM NOW OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY PLAN WHEN WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THEM–?!" And thus Chuuya continued to berate his smirking jerk of an old partner Dazai. 

 

 

 

 

(John Steinbeck and Lovecraft's POV)

The blond man merely raised an eyebrow at the arguing duo as the petite man wearing an oversized coat and ridiculously stylish hat continue to shout and scream murder in gibberish neither of them can understand.

 

"Hey Lovecraft, what'd ya think they are saying?" Steinbeck proceeded to arch a brow in question, his eyes focused on the bickering men. 

"It seems the WiFi cables are... disconnected." Said Lovecraft as his bored, droopy eyes also landed on the two. 

 

 

"...Pocket WiFi!"

 

 

"Pouketto Waifai?" Snorted Steinbeck, "The fuck is that?"

Lovecraft didn't respond, but it was enough as a response that he doesn't understand it either. 

And so Steinbeck turned to his men, "Guys, they're saying it a lot. any idea what in ever-loving fuck Pouketto Waifai is?! " 

The men in black shook their heads vigorously, their hold on their firearms loosening. 

"Come on, people! What the fuck is a Pouketto Waifai!?!"

 

 

His men's gasps of surprise and shock were a second too late to warn Steinbeck of the devastating hit of unexpectedly-heavier trees which scooped his men up in a swift motion, leaving all of them kissing the ground. 

Soon enough, Steinbeck and Lovecraft themselves were simultaneously violently kicked a few kilometers away by Chuuya. 

 

 

 

 

(Back to Dazai and Chuuya's POV)

"Told you they were making fun of the way you screeched 'Pocket Wifi!!!' again and again earlier~" Dazai couldn't help but giggling at his embarrassed ex-partner. 

Chuuya could feel his own face heat up, "SHUT UP!"