Tsunade hurried down the hallway to one of the emergency rooms, knotting the belt of her green medi-nin robe over her normal clothing. She had very explicit instructions that whenever Kakashi was injured, she would be the first medi-nin contacted. Few people were well acquainted with the chakra pathways that brat liked to burn through so often, anyway.
She burst into Room 15 (what the other medi-nins and nurses liked to call the Kakashi Room) and then came to a complete halt, frowning.
Iruka-sensei rose from the wooden chair placed beside the bed and bowed.
"Hokage-sama," he said quietly, looking completely discomfited; as a matter of fact, he had the expression of someone who was wishing that the floor would open up and swallow him.
"What are you doing here, Sensei?" Tsunade demanded, eyeing his blushing face.
"I was the one who brought Kakashi-sensei," Iruka answered and looked down at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye; Kakashi, lying in the bed with the sheets pulled up to his nose, squinted back up at him.
"Really?" Tsunade wrinkled her nose at him, looking at his unbound hair, the close-fitting green t-shirt that read KONOHA JOUNIN (that wasn't so odd, those shirts were really popular; it said LEAF FOR LIFE on the back) and loose, dark trousers. It seemed as if he had just thrown on the closest things at hand, nothing at all like the collected sensei that sat in the Academy Board meetings with her on Monday evenings. "What, you two were sparring? At five in the morning?"
Iruka made a choking sound.
"Well," Kakashi drawled in a strained voice. "We were getting kind of sweaty--"
"Shut up," Iruka hissed and bit his lip.
"Don't be so mean," Kakashi whined and Tsunade was a little bit staggered at the thought of her best shinobi sounding like a petulant child. "I'm in pain! A LOT of pain and YOU did it."
"Kakashi," Tsunade said slowly, looking from Iruka's face, which was about to combust, to Kakashi, who was scowling. "Exactly where are you hurt?"
"My penis broke," Kakashi answered promptly and another of those odd, strangled sounds escaped from Iruka, only this sounded a little like he was laughing as well. "Iruka-sensei, don't laugh."
"Ok, what?" Tsunade said, because she just didn't hear that.
"My penis," Kakashi said slowly, as if he was talking to a five-year-old, or Naruto. "You know. Iruka-sensei, he was on top and he said that he was going to make me give it to him as hard as--"
Iruka clamped his hand over Kakashi's mouth. "The Godaime doesn't need to know ALL the details!" he said with a nervous laugh. "Well, um. Basically, he got injured while we were having... enthusiastic sex. Because we're together," he said with a determined look in his brown eyes and Tsunade lifted her shoulders in a who-cares shrug. Iruka nodded, his expression relieved and turned back to Kakashi. "I'm really sorry, you know," he said as he peeled his fingers from the other man's face.
"I know," Kakashi answered. "It's not too broken, I suppose, and I'm sure Tsunade-sama can patch me up again really fast. Right, Hokage-sama? I mean, it's not like chakra pathways, it's muscle and some kind of cartilage, so it'll be no challenge for you."
"Of course not. Your penis is not a big deal for me at all," Tsunade said and then she started to laugh at Kakashi's narrowed eye; on top of it, Iruka looked offended too, on his behalf. Wait 'til Shizune heard about this one. Iruka-sensei and Kakashi! And who would have thought that Iruka would BREAK the Copy-nin! It was almost too much for her head to take.
"How long with it take to repair my naughty parts?" Kakashi demanded as she held onto the frame of the bed and laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks. "I need it, you see, because on the road of life, there are chuunin sensei who prefer to ride than walk."
"Oh for crying out loud." Iruka rolled his eyes, but he said this in a way that was halfway fond and completely smitten. Kakashi was looking at him in a manner that Tsunade had never seen before; it was kind of sweet, even when one included the fact that Kakashi was curled up in a hospital bed because they'd been having too much fun.
"Alright!" Tsunade said with loud cheer, snapping on her special gloves that helped channel her chakra into fine points. "Iruka-sensei, you'll have to hold it while I fix the fracture."
Iruka swallowed, hard. "I.. I do? Right now?"
"Oh, yes," Tsunade said with a wide, evil grin. "After all, you broke it. That means... you bought it."