Actions

Work Header

420 Blaze It! (For America)

Work Text:

Steve looked around the empty living room. He knew Thor was somewhere around, but he didn't feel like going out of his way to find the god and disturb him. Sighing heavily, he sat at the kitchen counter. 

Looking down, he glowered at his shaking hands. So what if he had an episode last mission? He was frozen in ice for seventy years! A minor freak out while being trapped in a freezer is expected, right? Right? He sighed again, leaning back, his eyes landing on a small bag on top of the fridge, clearly meant to be hidden, but poorly. Curious and having nothing better to do anyway, he got up to investigate. He opened the bag and a faint whiff of something both familiar and unexpected wafted out. The smell reminded him of the time the Howling Commandos had managed to get their hands on some weed, then spent the evening relaxing at the camp, smoke thick and heavy around them as they laughed late into the night.....

"Friend Steve! Do you wish to accompany me to defeat the evil turtle who has captured the princess?" Thor boomed.

A slow grin spread across Steve's face. People seemed to forget that he was in the army, he's seen things, he knows things. They all like to forget that he was, as Tony would say, a little shit too.

" Thor, are you aware of the meaning to the numbers 4/20 in human culture?"

...................................................................................................................

The Avengers, minus Thor and Cap, made their way to the elevator. They were exhausted from the fight with Doom and were regretting leaving Thor behind. Piling into the elevator, then telling Jarvis to send them to the common floor.

"You think they were fine on their own?" Bruce wondered aloud. Though it was easy to get used to the two buff blondes presence, Bruce still remembered that both the Captain and Thor were both very much out of place in this world, or, in Cap's case, out of time. Being the soldiers they were, they had both adapted well to their new environment, but Bruce would still wonder if they were truly comfortable, if they felt that they didn't belong. 

"It's just the two Golden Retrievers, they're probably the least problematic members of this team! Last time we left someone behind it was Clint and I don't think the tower has ever recovered." Tony snarked.

"Hey, I resent that remark!" Clint mumbled, his eyes closing shut with exhaustion.

The elevator doors slid open after the ding.

The room was full of smoke.

"Shit! Cap! Thor!" Tony yelled, his face plate snapping down, not even noticing the smell of the smoke in his panic.

" Aye, Man of Iron." came Thor's voice, sounding a bit odd.

"Mind clearing out the smoke?" Bruce asked looking around tiredly, recognizing the smell for what it was.

"Aww. Do we have to?" A voice whined from the ceiling.

"Sam?" Tony exclaimed looking up. "What are you doing here? And what the hell is going on? JARVIS can you get rid of the smoke?"

The tell tale whoosh of the AC sounded amidst the disgruntled moans that came from the cloud of smoke.

"Sam?" Natasha asked, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as the smoke cleared. 

"Yeah, Code name Falcon." Tony said.

The smoke cleared and the Avengers, Earth's Mightiest Heroes, who fight super villains and avert natural (and unnatural) disasters on a day to day basis, gaped.

Sitting on the couch, wearing nothing but an Uncle Sam hat and fake sideburns, holding an American flag themed cane, was Captain America, puffing on what couldn't be seen as anything but a joint. Sitting next to him, also naked, was Thor, who stared dazedly at his fellow shieldmates. On the TV in front of them, the Teletubbies were waving cheerfully.

"Cap?" Tony questioned weakly.

"That's Mr. Rogers to you." Steve said sternly, exhaling a cloud of smoke as he passed the joint to Thor who took a deep drag. Tilting his head back, Steve's voice, the voice of Captian america, who inspired hundreds with his war rallys, drifted musically through the room, "It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood.. A beautiful day for a neighbor..." He gazed intently at the joint resting between Thor's fingers, "Would you be mine?" He grinned, his face entirely relaxed for the first time since the war, "Could you be mine?"

"Cap-" Tony tried again.

"Mr. Rogers." Steve scolded. "Mr. Uncle Sam Rogers."

"Hey!! I'm Sam!" Sam's voice protested lazily from the ceiling.

Looking up, the smoke had cleared enough to reveal Falcon, hanging from the light fixture by his legs, while between his lips, rested a tightly rolled joint.

Noticing the gazes on him Sam proceeded to sing a bit, his voice clashing with Steve's, " Imma bat Mother'! Imma bat!"

"Isn't it 'Imma bird' ?" Clint said smirking up at the guy, he always knew he liked him for a reason.

"No, I'm a bat." Sam said pouting for a moment. Then switching to a scowl rumbled in a low voice. "I'm Batman."

"Batman doesn't wear red." Clint pointed out. The others stared at him. "What? He doesn't."

"Yeah he does!" Sam protested.

"Yeah when?"

" When he's......Red Batman."

"Bruce? What's going on?" Tony said weakly. "Hey! Where are you going?" 

 Bruce calmly walked over to the couch. "Since you found my stash, you might as well share."

" Indeeed, join us in thisssss pleasant tradition of 'Puff and Pass.'" Thor said, passing the joint to Bruce who promptly sat down on the floor by the blonde man's feet. Resting his head on the couch, nonchalantly accepting the naked thigh against his cheek, he then took an impressively long drag, holding the smoke in his lungs for a second, before expelling it as several perfect smoke rings. 

Tony gaped. He looked to the others helplessly, silently pleading for help as his worldview shattered around him.

Natasha shrugged and went to sit between the two naked blondes, toeing off her boots and socks, placing her feet on Thor's lap, then shrugging off her jacket. Before anyone could even blink, she had tugged her bra out from under her shirt, tossed it so it landed on the table, snatched the joint from Bruce's fingers and was happily puffing away. Her fingers carding gently through Bruce's hair, as she leaned wearily against Steve, who shifted to accommodate her. 

Completely unaware of the puff pile on the sofa, Clint was still in an argument about the dubious existence of a Red Batman- scratch that. Clint had climbed up on to the light fixture next to Sam, cheerfully puffing away as well.

"Tony..." Clint whined between drags, smoke spilling out of his nose. "Relax... Weed's legal now you know."

"That's not.... Why?! Cap-?!"

"Duuude, we had weed in the army." Steve said, having, apparently finished with his rendition of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, "I mean, it's a plant?"

Tony stared at him, his entire world shifting in his eyes. Then a smile, genuine and mischievous, slowly spread across his face. "My dad hated stoners."

With that, he took off his shoes and socks, then plopped on the floor next to Bruce. Accepting the, now much smaller, joint from the Capt- no, Steve, he leaned against the man's legs and took a deep breath.  

 

A few hours later(2 hours)

 

"Shit! We missed the debrief!"