“Jarvis, run the calculations and make sure the results are done by the time I wake up.” Tony murmured around a yawn as he made his way through the halls toward his bedroom. His stomach rumbled loudly and he stopped to turn instead toward the kitchen. A quick pit stop to the refrigerator to balance out skipping dinner, then back to his original plan of getting some sleep after a day well done for science.
Tony entered the kitchen only to freeze upon seeing Bruce being pressed against his goal of the refrigerator by a very hungry Clint. It was very obvious what kind of hunger Clint had as he looked to be far from removing his mouth from Bruce’s neck. By the noises Bruce was making, he was more than happy to be Clint’s food source.
Backpedaling quickly out of the kitchen seemed the best option to keep Bruce from Hulking out on him for being an unintentional cock-block. Not to mention that Clint still found it humorous to jump out behind Tony in the most unsuspecting places throughout the tower. He didn’t need Clint to have a reason to start jumping out with his bow and arrows.
Besides, he was pretty sure that he still had a power bar in his bedside drawer. If not, then he knew that he definitely had edible panties.
Tony thought that his teammates would be happy to know that he knew better than outing a secret relationship. From watching the way Clint interacted with everyone, Tony wouldn’t have thought he was dating Bruce. In fact, at times it would seem more like Clint was dating Agent. But Tony chalked that up to Clint respecting the code of bros before hoes since Coulson and Barton had known and worked with each other years before Bruce came into the picture.
But Tony considered where he stood on outing cheating relationships when he caught Agent and Clint examining each other’s tonsils while on his couch. There went his plans for a Lord of the Rings marathon in that room.
“Can we help you, Stark?” Agent was asking from underneath Clint. Tony bit his tongue to snap something at the look Clint was giving him. It was as though Tony was the one doing something wrong in this situation.
“Plenty of TVs in this tower, I’ll find one not being used.” Even though that couch was the comfiest; he needed to buy more of those couches but Pepper had yelled at him for wanting all the same furniture throughout the tower. “Other room, Thor,” Tony cautioned as the God of Thunder headed towards him.
“Are we not watching movies?” Thor asked. “I have gathered an adequate amount of snacks.” He gestured to his overfilled arms.
“This room’s occupied; we’re just switching rooms, not plans. Also, for these movies, those will not be enough snacks.” Tony clapped Thor on the back and led the way to a different room. He normally didn’t need to drink during this trilogy but he reached for a bottle then while he wondered if he should tell Bruce about Clint going behind his back with Agent.
It took Tony a few scenes to finally decide on not doing anything. He didn’t want to endure any unjustified anger aimed towards him. Besides, karma was bound to catch up on Clint soon enough. Agent and Bruce were both too smart to not figure out that there’s another.
True enough, it seemed like only a week later had Tony stumbling across karma’s dealing with Clint, Bruce, and Coulson. He hadn’t meant to actually walk into this, but when he heard Coulson’s voice accusingly ask, “Did you really think we wouldn’t figure this out?” then Tony just had to stop and find the source.
“Clint,” and there was Bruce’s voice, “you know you couldn’t get away with this.”
Tony stopped in the open doorway of the room the three were in. He watched as Clint stood between the two with a distressed look on his face. Clint met Tony’s eyes and he scowled. “Can I help you with something, Stark?”
“Hey, if you didn’t want eavesdroppers you should have closed the doors.” Tony folded his hands behind his back. “Also, they’re totally right. You were being pretty dumb about this, Barton.” They weren’t on a first name basis apparently, but Tony supposed that would come around after the tenth time they saved one another from certain death.
Bruce looked from Tony to Clint with a frown. “Even Tony knew?” They were on a first name basis more on account of their bond through science.
“No, he didn’t know.” Clint argued. “Or he probably had Jarvis figure it out for him.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “You really weren’t doing a good job hiding it.”
“If Stark was able to figure it out did you really think you were going to be able to keep it from us?” Coulson demanded as he crossed his arms over his chest and leveled a hard look at Clint. Clint lowered his eyes to the ground like a sullen child.
Tony tsked his tongue disapprovingly. “Seriously, Barton, I’ve made a lot of relationship mistakes but I was never stupid enough to attempt to date two people at the same time on the same team. That was the most ridiculous move I have ever seen from a player. Or is something this stupid only done by a playah?” Tony rubbed at his chin as he thought of the proper term.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Stark?” Clint asked, confused.
Tony frowned and looked at all the confused looks he was currently getting. “Isn’t this you two ripping Clint a new one because he’s been dating the two of you behind your backs?”
“No, this is us ripping Clint a new one because he didn’t tell anyone that he bruised his ribs when he fell from that last attack on Tuesday.” Bruce aimed an upset look at Clint.
“Oh,” Tony licked his lips and looked at the three. They all didn’t seem any more upset or startled after Tony’s admittance. “None of you seemed surprised about what I said though so I take it you all know?”
“Bruce and I are dating as well, Mr. Stark.” Phil informed with a slightly amused look on his face. “We determined this was the best relationship for the three of us. It helps that Bruce and I could actually have an adult like relationship to settle our nerves when Barton is being his usual, irresponsible self.” Clint opened his mouth to argue but Phil shot him a look that quickly made him close his mouth.
“Clint pretty much needs two boyfriends to look after him anyways since he can’t take care of himself and his lifestyle makes his health a two person job.” Bruce placed his hand on Clint’s shoulder. “Now, let’s go have a look at those ribs, shall we?”
“Do I get a lollipop afterwards if I’m good? Or just a full body examination?” Clint waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he was led out of the room by Bruce, Phil following the two of them with a look of exasperated fondness on his face.
Tony continued down the hallway to the kitchen where everyone was currently gathered and eating. A quick glance at his watch told him it was around lunchtime anyways so his meal schedule was back on track. He really needed to start keeping track of meals better or set a schedule with Jarvis. “So did everyone know that Banner, Barton, and Coulson are all dating each other?” He asked the kitchen at large.
“Yep,” Natasha took a bite out of her sandwich as Thor and Steve nodded with their mouths full.
“Huh, where was I during this announcement?” Tony asked.
“There wasn’t actually an announcement,” Steve smiled, “But you were in your lab.”
Considering he spent a good 90% of his time in his lab, that was a solid explanation. “Oh, right.” Tony grabbed himself a cup of coffee and an apple from the giant fruit bowl Steve had insisted on. “Did I miss any other announcements? Did Steve finally admit to liking guys yet?”
“Nope,” Natasha stated while Steve choked on a sip of iced tea.
“Okay but someone keep me updated from now on, especially when that finally happens.” Tony pointed at Thor and received a thumbs up in confirmation before he left the kitchen while Steve tried to stutter out a response.