Actions

Work Header

Request and Dedication

Work Text:


Request and Dedication

Standard Disclaimer, I wish they were mine but unfortunately they're not. I'll return them eventually. "Please forgive me" belongs to Bryan Adams, I presume. I don't know who "For the first time" belongs to, but it isn't me. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to I want to know what you think, especially if you know who "For the first time" belongs to.

Request and Dedication

At this moment Ray Vecchio was feeling many things; happiness, fear, love, anxiety, hope, dread . . .

After abandoning his best friend six months ago he had lived undercover. His time with the Mafia had convinced him that one way or another he had to tell Fraser what he felt. No more 'what ifs' he told himself.

He had reached the door to his friend's apartment and was about to knock when he heard voices. Pausing, he realized that somewhere in the apartment a radio was playing, tuned to a nightly request show. An idea came to him. This way he could test the waters. If the answer wasn't what he hoped he could withdraw safely.

Finished with everything he could possibly do, Fraser sighed and stretched out on the bed. Another day, another night. He hated coming back to his apartment, there was never anybody there but Dief. As much as he loved Dief, and he did, it wasn't the same as having someone to talk to. Dief never had much to say. It was so lonely. He missed the days when Ray would be there to pick him up. They would usually go out to eat or Ray would take him home to eat with the Vecchios'. Mrs. Vecchio had extended an open invitation and sent food regularly but without Ray it just wasn't the same.

"Welcome back to Love Songs with Cat. You just heard Possession by Sarah McLachlan from Bruce to Vicky. I had an interesting call just now from a man who wants to apologize to his best friend, whom he hasn't seen or talked to in six months."

Six months. Ray had been gone for six months now, he thought. It seems like forever.

"So here's Bryan Adams with Please Forgive Me, from Ray."

If only it was. If Ray was here, face to face, maybe he could convince Ray to forgive him. He must have done something for Ray to leave. He certainly had never meant to push away the best friend he'd ever had.

Feels like the first kiss
And it's getting better, babe
No one can better this
We're still holding on
You're still the one
First time our eyes met
Same feeling I'd get
Only feels much stronger
I wanna love you longer
You still turn the fire on
So if you're feeling lonely don't
You're the only I ever want
I only want to make it good


Some of the things he had done had been unforgivable. Victoria, of course, his one final try at finding love, had been a betrayal. Had he apologized? No, he had withdrawn into his shell, as always. And Ray? Ray had pulled him out gently. How had he repaid that kindness? He had been caught up in catching the killer, almost forgetting that someone had died. Because of him. Ray had been right to yell at him for it, but later he had apologized, even after Irene's death. And somehow their friendship had survived because of Ray. The harder he tried, the worse he failed.



So if I love you a little more
Than I should
Please forgive me
I know not what I do
Please forgive me
I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain
I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need you like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me
I can't stop loving you

By the first chorus tears were running down his face. He didn't even know if Ray was still alive. And if he was alive now that didn't mean he wouldn't be killed at some later point in the case. And if he did survive, why would he come back? He left for some reason, something I did to push him away.



Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
Still getting closer, baby
Can't get closer now
Still holding on
You're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights
You know I still do
So if you're feeling lonely, don't
You're the only one I ever want
I only want to make it good

All his life he had been an outsider. Accepted usually but still one who didn't belong. Different. But not with Ray. From the first day Ray accepted the parts of him that had always turned others off. The idiosyncracies and peculiarities had been accepted as part of the package. A package that had been accepted wholeheartedly and without reservation. Except for Irene. He blamed himself. While he was only doing what he thought right he had forgotten that Louis was a friend and fellow officer who hadn't deserved to die. There were other ways he could have found the true killer, but he hadn't considered them.

So if I love you
A little more than I should
Please forgive me
I know not what I do
Please forgive me
If I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain
I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need you like I do
Oh believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me
If I can't stop loving you

Even if Ray could somehow forgive him and they did start over, as wonderful as that would be, he wanted more. He wanted love not just friendship. He loved Ray as a friend but he was also in love with Ray, as more than a friend. And therein lay the vital distinction. He knew Ray loved him but he held no false hope that Ray loved him that way.

The only thing I'm sure of
Is the way we made love
The one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath
I'm praying that's why I'm saying
Please forgive me
I know not what I do
Please forgive me
If I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain
I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need you like I do
Babe, believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me
If I can't stop loving you
No believe me
I don't what I do
Please forgive me
I can't stop
Can't stop loving you

The song was over and so was the last of Fraser's control. He had pushed his friend away. The best friend he'd ever had and he had stretched that friendship so far, too far. Ray had taken a dangerous undercover assignment to get away from him. "Oh Ray, forgive me."

"I'm sorry."

"Wha- Ray?"

"I'm sorry, Benny." Tears were running down his face, but he didn't even notice. "I'm so sorry."


. . . . warm. . . . safe .
. . and happy. Ray Vecchio drifted peacefully from sleep to consciousness
calmly and comfortably. There was no danger in sight. No regrets about
being here instead of somewhere else. Just peace, of a kind he hadn't
felt, well he'd never felt like this. He blinked as the room came into
focus. He wasn't inclined to get up; not just yet.

The arms wrapped around him were comforting. And he was content to stay wrapped within them, feeling complete. Every need he had, both physical and emotional, was being met. He stretched a little, adjusting his position slightly so he could rise up on his elbows and watch his love sleep. The body beneath him balked at this idea and protest the movement, but did not awaken.

Ray was mesmerized observing a beam of light from the window dance over Fraser's face. How could something so familiar and comfortable be so new and different?



Are those your eyes?
Is that your smile?
I've been looking at you forever
And I never saw you before.
Are these your hands?
Holding mine?
Now I wonder how I could have been so blind.

How could everything change so much in one short night? The world seemed sharper more defined and alive with color but also peaceful and calm. He watched Fraser's face as he woke up. His eyes opened, blinked sleepily and surveyed him. A gentle smile appeared on his face and Ray couldn't resist kissing him softly.

"Mmm. Morning Benny." He rested his forehead on Fraser's cheek and felt Fraser smile again.

For the first time,
I am looking in your eyes.
For the first time,
I'm seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much I see,
When you're looking back at me.
Now I understand what love is,
Love is,
For is the first time.

One hand moved up his back to massage his neck. "Good morning, Ray."

They lay in companionable silence for several minutes then both tried to speak at once.

"I'm sorry."

Ray laughed. "Look Benny, this is crazy. We can't keep fighting to see who can apologize the most."

"What do you suggest?"

"Let's just say that neither of us was completely without blame, but I forgive you, and you forgive me, and we move on." Suddenly nervous he paused, "Okay?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea, Ray."

Can this be real?
Can this be true?
Am I the person I was this morning?
And are you the same you?
It's all so strange,
How can it be
All along this love,
Was right in front of me?

With the apologies out of the way, any remaining tension melted away. Life is good, Ray thought, very good. Who would have thought that things would turn out like this? I certainly didn't. Being here, like this, feels so right.

Fraser sat up slightly, adjusting his position, and Ray moved with him effortlessly. Dief looked up with a small whine, barked once and went into the kitchen. Fraser smiled.

"Hey Benny? What was that about?"

"He just gave us his blessing."

"Oh, okay."

For the first time,
I am looking in your eyes.
For the first time,
I'm seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much I see,
When your looking back at me.
Now I understand what love is,
Love is,
For the first time.

"You know, I'm starving. Got anything 'sides maple syrup?"

"Of course Ray, that would be unhealthy. The nutrients found in maple syrup, besides simple sugars, are extremely limited."

"God, I never thought I'd say this, but I missed listening to you talk like that."

"Your mother insisted on sending food over almost every day so I have a wide variety. What would you like?"

"Is there a menu?"

"There's brioche (a type of croissant), frittata ( type of omelette), and polenta (think yellow pemmican). If you're really hungry there's also several meat dishes and pastas."

"How 'bout the wine list?"

"That's just silly, Ray."

Such a long time ago,
I had given up on finding this emotion.
Ever again.
But you're here with me now,
Yes I found you somehow,
And I've been so sure.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Ray was surprised at how good everything tasted. He also hadn't realized how he could enjoy the simple pleasure of a comfortable silence. Looking at his watch surreptitiously he realized he would have to see his family soon. He was about to say so when Fraser interrupted his thoughts.

And for the first time,
I am looking in your eyes.
For the first time,
I'm seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much I see,
When your looking back at me.
Now I understand what love is,
Love is,
For the first time.

"I'm sorry."

"I thought we agreed to stop apologizing to each other."

"No, that's not it. I have to go to work."

Ray brushed a hand through Fraser's hair. "It's okay. I'll go home and see everybody. Then when you're done I'll come pick you up and we have dinner with the family. Just like we used to."

"Thank you, Ray. I love you."

"I love you, too."