Work Header

All Free Games Have Paying Contents. The Devs Need to Live, After All

Chapter Text

Shinpachi wondered whether he should call an ambulance, seeing as Gintoki's face had become redder than a tomato. He looked short of crushing his phone to pieces. Shinpachi had advised him to block infuriating people on Facebook… which he did, but a certain one of them — namely Takasugi Shinsuke — kept creating new fake accounts in place of blocked ones for the sole purpose of uploading screenshots of his Onmyōji summons on Gintoki's timeline. One could not help but wonder how on Earth the one-eyed bastard got so many SSR — his most recent "catch of the day" was a 10-marathon in which he got eight SSR out of a total of ten shikigami he summoned. As if to add insult to injury, the description of the photo was "Throwing them out. Wanna buy that cool SR dude in the store" (At least he had never gotten the Lord of the Arakawa River, who was the one he wanted the most simply because he was voiced by the same voice actor as he was). In fact, Gintoki actually confronted Takasugi in person about it, and his response was, "Money, dear boy. Just put a couple of yen in there and the rates will go up to the sky." he then continued, "What's wrong Gintoki? Or is it that you're that poor?"

Gintoki promptly smashed his face to the ground after that.

"Well, he is stinking rich. Look at him, walking around in that fucking gilded kimono of his." Gintoki said to himself, blocking the fake account one more time, "He ain't no match for the dirt poor like us."

"Now, now, don't fret, Gin-san. I'm sure you'll have one eventually." said Shinpachi, "In fact, Kagura-chan has been whining to me all the time about the exact same problem." as if by coincidence, Kagura popped out from under the table and began drawing on Shinpachi's face with a black marker and then pointed her phone's camera at him. No, she wasn't doodling on his face to make fun of him; she drew the Real-world Summoning template and was about to summon shikigami there. Shinpachi was ready to give her a piece of his mind before her jaw nearly dropped to the floor and her eyes went wide.

"Oh sweet mama in Yokohama, I can't believe this." Kagura gasped like a fish out of water.

"What is it, Kagura-chan?" Shinpachi was suddenly concerned.

"Holy sh… I mean, holy poo, there's a guy with piss yellow hair and big black wings standing on Shinpachi's dull uninteresting face! He's so ugly, even a duck's butt is better than him. Wish I could trade him for sukonbu. Hey, Gin-chan? What's wrong, Gin-chan?"

He had already passed out, banging his face on the table.

"Damn it Elizabeth, move to the right! No, no, that's too much!" Katsura gave directions to Elizabeth, who was horizontally holding a sign bearing the Real-world Summoning template. He produced another sign in his other wing which said When are you going to summon already, Katsura-san? We've been out in this park since morning, and my wing hurts like hell. Katsura paid it no heed and turned to Gintoki sitting next to him on the bench and shouted in his face, "Not Zura, it's Katsura!"

"Do you really need to make him move when you can just, I dunno, move the camera?" Gintoki replied.

"That's because you have no idea. Strategically placing the template greatly affects the outcome of the summoning. That's why I'm doing it in the park today rather than at home like usual. Yeah, that's right… Steady, here I go…"

Yo! Yoroshiku na!

Katsura buried his face in his palm.

"Not again?!" he lamented, "That's the thirteenth R in one day! Even though I've tried this hard to find the best spot to place the template, among other things! I've even tried drawing all sorts of stupid shapes in the normal summoning too; it took me hours to get every curl of your shitty hair right!" Gintoki's eyelid twitched at that, "Kami-sama, don't I love my country enough? Why couldn't you just let me get my hands on an SSR for once?"

"What? Can you… say that again?" said Gintoki.

"That's right, I've never gotten an SSR. Neither do you, I assume?"

"… So what, Zura?"

Katsura didn't bother correcting the name being used and simply gave Gintoki the most cheerful smile he could, "But I still very much enjoy the game. You don't need fancy shikigami to have fun and be a powerful fighter. The key is to train them well and make them powerful, regardless of their rarity. Where was I? Oh, yes, let's summon another one. This is my last talisman, so it better be good this time. Hold it really steady Elizabeth, here I go again!"

Both he and Gintoki held their breaths.

They closed their eyes.

Wonder what kind of shikigami was it this time?

Katsura felt a slight vibration coming from his phone, and so he opened his eyes, knowing for sure that it was at least an SR this time. And it was…

Konna zako gotoki ni watashi ga aite o suru no ka, oroka na ningenme?

"It's… It's an SSR! And a new character too! Aww damn, did you see that?… Gintoki?"