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Kolopak's Sorrow

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The worst thing imaginable has happened. Kathryn Janeway has perished. It is a loss so devastating, it doesn’t seem possible. The flower has wilted. I am suffering immensely, but none more so than my son, who depended on her companionship like he depends on air and water.


He hasn’t seen how she died. Perhaps it is better that way, because I bore witness to the traumatic moments leading to her death. During a survey mission of one of the Borg Cubes, she was captured and assimilated. With her expansive knowledge and experience with their kind, they intended to make her their new Borg Queen. Every minute watching her was sheer torture, even for a spirit, as every human quality of hers was gradually being destroyed by this vile species — much worse than the Cardassians. Her consciousness was able to surface long enough for her to order her comrade to introduce a virus to halt the Borg’s advances, but at the cost of her own life. 


Once she died, she should have come to the Spirit World, where I would greet her, but she didn’t. She just…vanished. Residing neither in the mortal world, nor the Spirit World. Somehow, I want to believe that her inner consciousness is somewhere out there in the vast cosmos. I fear that her spirit may be trapped.


Watching her die was bad enough, but watching the impact it left on my son is soul-shattering…


His grief is beyond measure, virtually inconsolable. His heart has plunged into despair, his spirit all but broken. And unfortunately, he hasn’t been the same since that awful evening he was told of her death. Although he was never able to hold his alcohol, he used it to numb the pain, becoming dependent on it. Thankfully, he was able to break the habit and stay sober after that, but he is still utterly lost without her. She was the other half that made him whole.


His career as a Starfleet officer has also suffered. Blinded by his personal darkness, he had made questionable command decisions in the heat of battle. His emotional and mental state had become a concern for his crew and Starfleet officials. That, combined with another series of devastations associated with his duties, prompted him to resign from Starfleet altogether. However, his resignation was not accepted, and after he assisted in the effort to uncover a sabotage unfolding aboard Voyager, he was formally invited to take command once again.


The USS Voyager is the very ship that introduced him to Kathryn all those years ago in the Delta Quadrant, and the same safe harbor that brought them back together to let their friendship evolve into love. My son Chakotay may be its captain again, but he is still feeling the emptiness in his soul. Can this ship be the place where he can find himself again? Or be the place where a miracle can happen? I pray that the Sky Spirits help keep my son on the path of healing. And although I may be asking a lot, I also pray that they provide a way for her to come back to him, even if it is only to bring closure.


Something good needs to happen, and soon. I don’t what it’s going to be and how it will turn out.