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Take Me To The Edge (Then You Hit The Brakes)

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It all starts with a panicked young man thrusting his laptop into Yoongi’s hands and begging him to save any files he could off it. He’s called Kim Namjoon and he works at the prestigious up and coming Jung Corporation. It turns out Mr. Kim has not just one, or even two, but three nasty little viruses on his work notebook, but Yoongi’s had a boring week so instead of just scavenging for surviving data he sits down over the weekend and gets the laptop running again and then sends a little friendly Trojan through the company system to search for other possible weak points in their security. (Again, it was a really, really boring week and Mr. Kim had looked so incredibly guilty.)

The following Monday, he hands over the laptop and a comprehensive list of safety issues to Mr. Kim with an awkward shrug and the excuse that “it was just too easy, I couldn’t not, y’know.” He doesn’t expect Mr. Kim to ask him if he’s ever considered working a steady paying job as opposed to freelance tech support at a mall.

“Um,” Yoongi says, “I mean, I kinda got fired from the last big company, and then there’s some- other stuff, and I like my late opening hours and-“

“Oh I’m pretty sure no one in IT shows up before ten,” Mr. Kim interrupts him. Yoongi blinks slowly in confusion and tilts his head a bit. “I’m sorry,” he says, “Are you trying to hire me right now?”


At first Yoongi is convinced it’s some really weird joke, but then he’s signing his contract and getting his ID badge and walking through the shiny foyer and going up in the glass elevator and well, suddenly he has a steady job with a monthly he still doesn't quite believe. All because he managed to fix Mr. Kim's virus ridden laptop without losing a single file.


So it's all looking pretty good, and Mr. Kim "oh god call me Namjoon, we have two other Kim's in the building and it's honestly just confusing" is just showing Yoongi how to work the giant shiny coffee monster (is that a halo over Namjoon's head or is that just Yoongi?) when a guy with an obnoxiously huge grin wearing sandals and the most hideous floral print shirt walks in and slaps his big paw down on Yoongi's shoulder.

"Hey there, you must be Min Yoongi, our new knight in shining armour! I'm Hobi, delighted to meet you!"

Yoongi takes a pointed step backwards and glares at "Hobi". "What the fuck kind of name is that," he says, "and don't touch me."

Namjoon makes a funny noise. Yoongi ignores it for the sake of eviscerating "Hobi" with his stare. It seems to be weirdly ineffective. "It's a nickname of course," Hobi explains, "but if you don't like it, you can always call me j-hope, because I'm your hope!” He says that last bit in English, and it makes Yoongi’s eye twitch. "I can't believe you have a nickname that's even worse than 'Hobi'", he says, and doesn't wait for a reply before turning and heading back to his cubicle.

And see, that should be it, any remotely sensible human being would understand and accept that rejection for what it is, but for some fucking reason, Hobi doesn't. Instead he keeps popping up in Yoongi's vicinity like a particularly nasty fungus and bothers him, tries to ask him out for lunch and asks him personal questions.

“Hey Yoongi,” he asks, “there’s a great Noodle place downstairs, wanna grab something for lunch?”
“Hey Yoongi,” he asks, “wanna come up to the roof and eat lunch with me?”
“Hey Yoongi,” he asks, “Is that your dog on your wallpaper? It’s so adorable, what’s it called?”
“Hey Yoongi,” he finally asks, and this time he pouts like a fucking toddler, “why do you always reject me?” “I have every right to reject you as often as I want,” Yoongi rolls his eyes, “Now go bother someone else or maybe do your actual job or something.”

The absolute fucking worst part however is that with all his awfulness, Hobi doesn't even have the decency to be appropriately unattractive. No, of course he's built like a professional athlete and has eyes so warm they make chocolate melt and a smile so bright it makes Yoongi wish for mirrored sunglasses, and he's one hundred fucking percent Yoongi's type except for how utterly and completely obnoxious he is.


The next awful habit Hobi picks up is bringing Yoongi coffee to his desk. And of course he puts milk in it, and a disgusting amount of sugar, and Yoongi Never puts Anything in his coffee alright, he drinks it black and bitter, but god he fucking loves those sweet coffees, no matter how much he hates himself for it. He can even feel his mood lift after his first cup, feel himself start to be less prickly and more patient. He helps Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jeongguk from marketing how to install better graphics cards so they can play Overwatch during work hours, gives Kim Seokjin from PR a crash course in HTML and buys Namjoon a spill proof coffee mug so the poor guy doesn’t have to keep asking for new keyboards.

Anyways, Hobi is still annoying as fuck though. Definitely not charming or amusing.

It all comes to a head when one day Hobi is hovering over Yoongi's shoulder, watching him recover some poor schmuck's files from their fried hard drive, and then suddenly there's fingers running up the back of Yoongi's head and he yelps, jumping about a foot in the air, and then somehow manages to smack his coffee over his lap, and before he can even register the pain he thinks "thank god it didn't spill over the hard drive".

There's a moment of complete silence, all eyes on them, and Hobi looks genuinely guilty for once.
Yoongi breaks.

"Well congratulations, you complete fucking failure of a human being," he hisses, "you just managed to almost ruin an entire day's worth of work, just because you've got nothing better to do than being as annoying and useless as humanly possible. Good job! But you fucking know what, I'm about fucking done with you, and the minute I'm done with this thing I’m writing an email to the CEO requesting to revoke your access to this entire floor. Got it? Now if you'd please get your horsefaced ass out of my fucking sight, that'd be just fucking spectacular."

It's very quiet, and for a moment Hobi just stares at him. Immediately, Yoongi feels a pang of guilt- he knows he has a temper, and he knows that was maybe a bit much, and god knows he's not gonna write that email- sure he's petty, but only when people deserve it and Hobi really doesn't- but before he can take it back, Hobi whips out his phone and starts texting.
"Uh," Yoongi says, slightly taken aback. "One sec," Hobi says, and his voice is a bit off, and then he looks up and smiles apologetically. "Okay, well, fair enough" he says, "for what it's worth, I'm really sorry," and then he turns and walks off, hands in his pockets.
Yoongi turns as well, sits back down, ignoring the frozen silence around him.


The next morning, Yoongi walks up to his cubicle to find it devoid of both his coffee and Hobi. It makes his heart sink a little – he was going to apologise, but he doesn’t actually know which department Hobi is from and he sure as hell isn’t going to ask around now, but it’s fine, it’s whatever, Yoongi fucked up and he was a dickhead and really it was just a matter of time before he’d lose his temper and now he’ll just have to make his coffee himself and try to not think too much about Hobi’s radiant smile.

Around half an hour before his lunch break an unfamiliar face approaches Yoongi’s cubicle. “Hello, I’m Park Jimin, Mr. Jung’s PA, he’d like to speak to you in his office.” Park Jimin is smiling softly, entirely non-threatening despite his ominous message. Yoongi nods wordlessly and gets up, follows the other man to the elevator and up to the highest floor. Yoongi hadn’t thought he’d get fired for yelling at some employee that technically really wasn’t supposed to be in IT bothering Yoongi, but maybe he was wrong and Mr. Jung is very protective of his workforce. Or maybe he just forgot his password and wants to test Yoongi’s prowess, who knows. Judging by Jimin’s serene look it could as well be a romantic dinner invitation.

Fuck, Yoongi really should have bothered to look up Jung Hoseok before he agreed to work for his billion dollar company.

“Go ahead and go in,” Jimin says, gesturing towards the large wooden double doors, and Yoongi wipes his hands on his jeans before carefully pushing open the door.


Mr. Jung is sitting with his back to Yoongi, facing Kim Seokjin who’s shuffling through some papers marked with little pink post-its. “I think that’s all the signatures for today,” Seokjin nods finally, “Thanks Hoseok, I’ll keep you updated. Oh, hey Yoongi,” he waves awkwardly with his free hand, shifting the stack of papers and heading to the door. He pats Yoongi’s shoulder in passing, and for a moment Yoongi wonders if that’s the last he’ll ever see those lovely shoulders. Ah well.

“Uh,” Yoongi takes a deep breath, “Before you say anything I just wanted to clarify that I wasn’t actually going to bother you about that employee, and I was totally about to go and apologise during my lunch break, and I’m very sorry if I caused you any trouble.”

“Aw,” Mr. Jung says, and his voice has Yoongi jerk back so his shoulders hit the door, “That’s so cute, you sound like I might eat you alive any second!”

And then Mr. Jung- Jung Hoseok, Hoseok, Hobi, God, how could Yoongi be so fucking stupid, he turns around in his chair and beams at Yoongi and Yoongi’s knees almost give out because oh God, he is about to get fired after yelling at his boss who he didn’t even recognise. For over two months.

“Fuck,” Yoongi whispers, and briefly considers the merits of throwing himself out of the window from the 35th floor.

He’s so royally fucked.