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its a fleeting urge to run

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Walk away
Leave it all behind
I dream of the escape but never try

-

It’s just the two of them there, sitting in the middle of a field, where a soft breeze gently kisses their faces with every gust that pushes by them, where bright yellow petals from small marigolds lightly tickle their hands as they keep themselves upright.

It should be peaceful, and from the look on Ray’s face, it must be, the younger with his head tilted back just ever so slightly. Eyelids flutter behind his glasses and he inhales deeply, taking in the world around him without a damn care in the world. Joel isn’t as lucky; his mind is racing a million miles an hour, his heart is thumping rapidly inside of his chest, threatening to break out of his chest.

Another brush of wind pushes past his cheek, and Joel looks up at the summer sky, clear and blue and everything he needs in that moment as Joel tries to put his thoughts together.

Flashes of questions circulate through his brain, one right after the other.

Is this right?

Do I deserve him?

What will this lead to?

A complete feeling of pure fear washes over him like a summer shower: slowly. Joel’s face contorts slightly, pained and just so scared of what the future meant, if any of this really means something.

He doesn’t catch it when Ray opens his eyes, utterly content in his own place of mind, he doesn’t catch it when the boy glances over to him with a soft look, eyebrows pulled together just slightly in concern as Joel continues to stare off into space, eyes glazed over with what can only be labeled as dread.

Insecurities flood his mind and his breath catches in his throat: what if he really isn’t good enough? Joel questions himself, wonders what Ray could possibly see in him in any way.

Suddenly, with the boy so close to him, Joel has the urge to run, run far away from his fears and the many things he wishes he could change and just disappear, but something holds him back.

The touch of a smooth hand pressing gently on his cheek brings him back to his reality and, before he can react, a pair of lips are pressing against his own.

It’s chaste and ever so sweet, but the kiss seems to last about a lifetime. Joel’s mind goes entirely blank in that moment, and all of the negative feelings and thoughts that had accumulated within him fade away, replaced with feelings of hope and want and especially love.

Ray pulls back then, only enough so that he can look into Joel’s eyes, and a smile mirrors on both of their faces.

Joel doesn’t feel like he needs to escape anymore.

-

You don't have to know where you're going
just where it is you want to be.