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So Goddamn Nervous

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They both take girls home. It's not out of the ordinary. 

Tyler always makes them scream, though. 

Cameron kisses them soft and sweet, and they always seem to enjoy it, but it's hard to… to, focus when Tyler's girl is moaning furiously, high in her throat, nearly sobbing, and the steady rhythm of Tyler's grunts rolls beneath it. 

The nights when Cameron doesn't bring a girl home are harder. 

He lies alone, and there's no way he can't listen, through the thin walls. Tyler sounds like him, but deeper, more uninhibited. He sounds like he's having more fun. 

One night he jerks off to it, Tyler fucking some chick. She's more quiet than most, but he's louder, and Cameron arches off the bed, panting around his fist stuffed in his mouth, when Tyler growls and Cameron knows he's coming. 

--

In the first semester of sophomore year, they're at a party. 

"I heard the Fuck Truck's coming tonight," Tyler whispers to Cam, grinning wickedly, and Cameron smiles uneasily. 

Cameron kisses a BU girl during strip poker, lets her straddle him in a chair, and she stretches lithely above him, spine a perfect curve. 

He lifts his head, and Tyler's staring at him, eyes dark, and shit, Cameron's hard. He wants to go back, a minute ago, not hard versus hard, because usually the girls freak out, but this one must be different because she just grinds down harder and laughs. Ty arches an eyebrow at him and grins. 

An hour later, they're together, in a room, with a bed: the girl, Cameron, and Tyler. 

"So you're like, twins," she says, not too drunk, but drunk enough- spreads her legs on the bed, and Tyler kneels over her and kisses her. 

Cameron's heard it so many times, but fucking Christ, he's never seen it. At least, not for a while. 

He pauses, hand on the doorknob, because Tyler won this one, didn't he? He got this girl. It's time for Cameron to leave. 

Except from behind Tyler's strong back, he hears her say, "I want you both." 

Tyler laughs, deep in his throat. "Cam?" he asks without turning around, like he knows what Cameron's thinking, like he knows Cameron will do it, like he knows Cameron needs it. 

This is the point where Cameron stops. Since birth, it's been that way. Tyler puts something in motion and Cameron stops it before it hurts someone. 

But this time Cameron doesn't want to stop it. 

He moves quick, to the bed, feeling strangely like Tyler, and Tyler moves off the girl, comes to him hungry and they're kissing. 

His brother is urgent, hard- fierce in a way Cameron didn't know he needed. He forgets about the girl for a second, when Tyler bites down on his lip, but then she laughs deliriously, and Tyler pulls away, barely even breathing hard, eyes glossing over Cameron, not looking at him. 

Cameron's wrecked. 

"I'll go," he says, and the girl puts a hand on his cock, through his pants. 

"Don't go," she hisses, squeezing him, and Tyler nods over her shoulder. "Don't go. I wanna fuck you." 

He can't stop himself from picturing Tyler saying it. It won't ever happen, because it's not supposed to, but that doesn't stop him from imagining it. 

Except Tyler is drunk, one hand slipping under the girl's skirt, fingers working fiercely, and her head falls back. She's groaning, and Tyler shoots him a look, filled with intent, licking his lips, and Cameron spreads his legs involuntarily. 

He's supposed to be the responsible one. That's what keeps running through his head, as the girl shudders and moans. 

"What do you want us to do?" Tyler asks, like they're some circus act, but fuck if it doesn't make Cameron take a shaky breath.

"Why don't you-" she stops, eyes falling shut when Tyler does something with his fingers, "do this to him. See if he - likes it- God-" 

Tyler laughs again. 

"Get naked, brother," he says, grinning at Cam like it's some joke and Cameron fumbles out of his clothes because if it's a joke at least it's happening. 

"I bet you haven't ever done that before, have you," the girl slurs, lying on her side on the bed, unabashedly naked, and Tyler puts his fingers in her mouth. 

"Get 'em wet for me, baby," he says, and it should sound cheesy and porn-like but Cameron remembers they're going inside him, and when Tyler touches the first finger to the crease of his ass Cameron jerks. 

"Hey, hey. Quiet. Shh." 

Cameron bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, and the girl gets on her knees and kisses him, wet and sweet and boozy, and it distracts him until Tyler works his finger inside and he's gasping into her mouth. 

She pulls away and looks at him like she knows how fucked he is. 

"It's okay," she says, surprisingly lucid, eyes clear. "One time." 

"Why don't you get on your hands and knees," Tyler says smoothly, still with that wet finger pressing hard inside him, and he's not going to get on his hands and knees in front of some girl, but she lies down on her back and motions for him to move over her. 

He's looking down at her face. She's staring back at him, and Tyler pushes two fingers hard, crooks them like he's done it before, and Cameron chokes. 

"Shit. Shit." 

Tyler rubs a hand over Cameron's back, pushes them in again, fingers stuttering when he finds the spot, an endless loop there and there and there, perfect, each twist a bracing shock to his body. He groans, breath coming out in harsh gasps, and keens when Tyler stops fucking around and just leaves his fingers there, rubbing the first knuckle of his middle finger again and again against it. Jerks, spastic, clenching hard around Tyler's fingers, like he's trying to swallow them. 

"He likes it a lot," the girl observes dreamily, and Cameron closes his eyes, nearly collapsing onto her. 

Tyler breathes harsh against the small of Cameron's back, and reaches around him, takes his cock in hand, fingers still pressing inexorably at that spot, and Cameron comes apart, nearly sobbing. Tyler takes his fingers out of him and chuckles. 

He rolls off the girl, onto his back, and up- trying to regain control, still breathing hard, and he can feel the ghost of Ty's fingers in him- oh fuck his brother's fucking fingers and he cannot do this. 

"Where're you going, Cam?" Tyler says, already taking his place over the girl, and Cameron can't look at him, can't speak, just pulls on his pants jerkily and leaves. 

He hears the girl gasp breathily, and he slams the door hard behind him.