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Batflix and Chill

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Batman was totally not startled awake when the Bat Alarm started to to blare. Batman was always vigilant and prepared for every possible outcome. Batman does not fall asleep at the Bat Computer. Batman wiped a bit of drool off of the keyboard. Don't know how that got there. Nope.

"Sir, the Batcave has been infiltrated." The Bat Computer announced.

"By who?" Batman asked.

"The Joker."

Batman nodded though the computer couldn't register it as a response. A faint smile crossed his lips at the thought of fighting his Greatest Enemy. He jumped out of his chair and rushed to grab his tool belt.

"Computer, what level is he on?" Batman called.

"He's in the Trophy room." The Bat Computer answered. Batman rushed up to a few levels up to said room.

Though all of his stuff was pretty awesome, Batman had to admit that his Trophy room was the most epic. Years of memorabilia were on display here from only his numerous victories against his many enemies. All of his enemies had a section here from Condiment King to Superman (Don't tell Clark). Of course, Joker had stopped in his own section.

After 76 years of fighting, it made sense that Joker's section would be...rather extensive. Batman had collected a lot of trophies from the man ranging from newspaper clippings detailing how the clown was stopped by the heroic Batman to various discarded weapons from fights.

His favorite token, however, was a suit jacket he recently managed to snatch off of the man the last time the two fought. At the last moment, Joker had slipped out of the garment in order to escape going to Blackgate prison. The silky garment that smelled of gunpowder and greasepaint was now proudly on display behind a glass tube...not that Batman would know all that. No, he heard that from a friend. Yep, that's a valid excuse.

That garment was currently missing from its tube which now had a gaping jagged hole. Glass littered the floor leading up to the clown himself where the garment now resided on his rightful owner.

"Joker!" Batman growled. Said man jumped.

"Oh, Hiya Batsy. Joker said tiredly. He gave a sleepy smile that Batman refused to admit was cute.

Batman instead narrowed his eyes. He took a fighting stance, prepared for any of the Joker's tricks. "What are you up to?"

"...What?" Joker blinked. "Don't play games with me! What's your evil plan?"

"Oh! Yes, my plan!" Joker searched his jacket pockets even though Batman knew there was nothing in them. Joker frowned. He looked around as if he had dropped his plan somewhere.


"I got nothing." Joker shrugged.

Batman was taken back. "Excuse me?"

"I don't have a plan. Well, that's not true. I planned to get this back," Joker held up his jacket lapels. "but I didn't really think much beyond that."

"So, no fighting?" Batman asked. Joker shrugged again.

"Sorry to disappoint. I know how much you love our fights." He teased, gesturing at the displays around him. "I'll just be on my way, then."

"Wait!" Joker stopped, shooting a questioning look at Batman.

"I don't believe you," Batman lied. "You're not going anywhere."

Joker stifled a yawn. "Look Bats, I'm tired. I've been up for three days, but I don't have a plan-"

"I have Batflix." Batman blurted except that Batman doesn't blurt things. He is too cool to blurt out words.

Joker wiggled his eyebrows. "Are you asking me to Batflix and chill?"

"No chill. Just Batflix."

Joker squealed anyway, hopping up and down with renewed energy. "Then, what are we doing just yapping here for?" He yanked Batman towards the Trophy room's exit. "Show me to the Batflix."


"Are you sure this is what you want to watch?" Batman grimaced.

"Come on, Snake Clowns from Down Under is a classic" Joker pressed a button on the remote. Snake Clowns filled the large theatre screen, causing Batman to give a very manly, totally justified scream.

"You're scared." Joker marveled before giving a laugh.

"I am not!" Batman snapped even though he could feel himself shaking.

"Aww, it's ok Bats. Nothing could be scarier than me!" Joker made a face that was probably supposed to be intimidating. Instead, Batman laughed. Joker pouted.

Halfway through the movie, Dick skipped happily into the theatre. His merry way came to a halt when he saw Joker.

"Ah! Joker!"

"Ah! Rob-I mean Dick." Batman quickly flicked the giant screen off, thankfully ridding their sight of homicidal snake clowns.

"Batdad, what is Joker doing here?" Dick asked confused.

"Well, um...son, I-" "We're just Batflix and chilling." Joker wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Batman shot a death glare at the clown. Thankfully, Dick was too innocent to know that phrase's true meaning.

"Oh, you two are watching Batflix! Can I join?" With Dick's puppy dog eyes, there was no telling him no. Robin hopped happily in a seat next to Batman and Joker. The two gave him the remote, allowing him to change what they were watching from snake clowns to a show about space rocks.

"Oh, I love this show!" Joker said. Joker and Robin sang along to the theme song while Batman wondered what he was getting himself into.

It turned out that the space rock show was really soothing. It was filled with relaxing music and was pretty calm. Action rarely happened to upset the show's tranquility.

Batman had trouble keeping his eyes open. He didn't know how many episodes passed. He kept dosing off just to snap back awake. At some point, he found there was a weight on his shoulder. Joker had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

Figuring that Joker wouldn't cause any trouble, Batman leaned his head on Joker's. He tried to focus on the show, but he was several episodes behind. Plus, his eyelids felt too heavy to keep up much longer...


Joker cracked open an eye. Dick was gone. He felt a weight on his head that was snoring. His arm ached from pressing into the seat's armrest.

Joker pulled out a phone. He pressed speed dial. Harley answered on the first ring.

"How did it go?"

"I've got Batman incapacitated." Joker whispered. Harley cheered over the phone.

"How did you do it, Boo Boo Bear?"

"Doesn't matter. Just proceed with breaking into the Gotham Bank."

"Aren't you gonna join us?" Harley asked.

"No, I'm a bit tied up right now..." With that, Joker hung up. He turned his face into Batman's shoulder and buried his face into his neck. He felt vibrations as Batman mumbled in his sleep. Joker felt an arm wrap around him, trying to pull him closer though the armrest stood in the way. Joker smile as he fell back asleep.