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The 'Tater: Beleriand's Finest News Source!

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Elu Thingol, king of Doriath and current record holder for most marriages to a Maia, issued a ban last Tuesday barring the House of Fëanor from entering the forests of Neldoreth, Region, and Nivrim. 

“I don’t know why they thought they could just come over here and set themselves up in my woods,” Thingol said earlier in a prepared statement. “But we’ve recently discovered that they are all kinslayers, and Doriath has a zero-tolerance no-murderers policy.” 

The royal family’s spokesman and bard Daeron corroborated the statement yesterday, adding, “This has been an enormous affair for all of us. Discovering the truth about these new neighbors of ours has been an enormous letdown, but rest assured that we will do our best to get to the bottom of this. This ban will be modified as more details are discovered.” 

Experts believe Thingol’s statements are due to a combination of societal pressures from his new neighbors, increased Orc raids from the north, and persistent rumors that the entire continent was doomed by the gods. Nonetheless, they remain hopeful that relationships can be repaired. 

No Fëanorians could be reached for comment.