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The 'Tater: Beleriand's Finest News Source!

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Three days ago, the fallen Maia Sauron the Deceiver, formerly known as the Black Hand, the Necromancer, Gorthaur the Cruel, et al. led a mixed Man-Orc army against his former colleagues and friends entrenched in aptly-named city Ost-in-Edhil.

Sauron was last seen one hundred years ago fighting with his lover and confidante, Celebrimbor of Eregion. Celebrimbor was last seen fighting for his life at the center of the city two hours ago as Orcs burned down as much as they could in a city mostly made of stone. The cause of their strife was unknown but is assumed to have been dire.

“This is really shocking,” kinswoman Galadriel (née Artanis, née Altáriel, née Nerwen) said when reached for comment. “We had no idea that this man was secretly Gorthaur, much less that he had not, in fact, come in peace.”

Sauron the Deceiver, formerly identified as Aulendil, Artano, and Annatar, could not be reached for comment.