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Pink Cars and Ridiculous Humans

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It all started when Victor woke up and decided he needed a new car. A new car to drive his lovely fiancé in. Yes, he had three cars in the penthouse’s garage but he needed a new one specifically to take Yuuri out on dates.

So he informed Yakov that he’d be taking a day off to go car shopping.

“Vitya no”

“Vitya YES”

Yakov clenched his teeth before bracing his phone between his shoulder and ear while he unscrewed the lid of a bottle of Vodka.

“You know what FINE. Just…take Katsuki with you” Yakov grumbled.

“Thank you Yakov!” Victor sang before hanging up.

Yakov took a pull from the bottle of Vodka.

“What did Victor do to get you drinking so early?” Yuri asked as he laced up his skates.

“Idiot thinks he needs a new car. I told him to take Katsuki with him so hopefully he’ll be able to stop Vitya from going too over the top” Yakov informed him, jumping when Yuri started laughing uncontrollably. “What’s so funny?” he demanded.

“You just sent the second most extra figure skater in the world to try and control the most extra? They only make each other worse!” Yurio told him wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. Yakov snorted.

Katsuki? Extra? He was far too quiet and sensible to be extra.

He was wrong.


“Yurio! Come and look at the car Vitya bought me!” Yuuri yelled as he ran into the rink with his eyes sparkling. That got everyone’s attention and soon all the Russian skaters were outside staring at the bright pink convertible outside.

“Isn’t it beautiful! I fell in love with right away!” Yuuri said happily clapping his hands.

“Katsudon you’re an idiot. How much did this even cost?” Yuri asked. Yuuri turned to him, his face serious and his eyes intense.

“It’s a bright pink convertible Yurio.” He said solemnly.

“Yes but-“

“Bright. Pink. Convertible.”

Yurio paused his eyes widening.

“Shit you’re right.” He whispered in awe.

“You know what this would be perfect for?” Victor asked from where he was lounging against the car, “A beach trip.”

“BEACH TRIP!” Yuuri and Yuri yelled together throwing their hands into the air.

“NO I FORBID IT! GET BACK TO PRACTICE!” Yakov yelled, “THAT MEANS YOU THREE AS WELL!” he added noting that Victor, Yuuri and Yuri were whispering together conspiratorially.

They glanced at him, nodded to each other and then Yuri came over and dragged him inside saying he wanted to work on his quads.


Two days later Yakov was in his office with the three main causes for his eventual stroke standing in front of him staring at an email.

“What the hell is this?” he demanded.

“A magazine wants to do a photoshoot with me and Yuuri and Yurio along with an exclusive interview. It’s a good opportunity especially for Yurio.” Victor explained with a guileless smile.

“Why the hell is it called ‘beach trip photoshoot’?” Yakov asked already knowing the answer.

“Ah well they want a casual vibe for the photoshoot. Don’t worry you don’t have to do anything. Yuuri and I will pick Yurio up for the shoot and bring him home.” Victor said happily.

Yakov knew the smug fucker was behind this but he couldn’t prove anything and it would be good coverage for little Yuri.

“FINE! But this is work do you hear me!? No fucking around! Back the same day as well do you hear?”

“Yes Coach Yakov!” all three chorused which was a very bad sign.


The day of the photoshoot came and a horn was heard outside followed by what sounded like a herd of elephants but what was really one teenager making his way downstairs carrying…the entire contents of his room apparently.

“What the hell?” was all Yakov got out before the door opened and it was a flurry of loud skaters with poor impulse control.

“Do we have enough sunscreen?”

“Don’t worry I packed lunches”

“I think I need more cat plushies”

“Don’t forget a beach ball”

“Did you bring the surfboard?”

Then they were out of the hall and Yakov followed in a daze just in time to see that stupid pink car piled ridiculously high with stuff. A lot of it completely unnecessary for a trip to the beach. Yuri was perched in the passenger seat and Yuuri actually sitting on Victor’s lap.

“BYE YAKOV! WE’LL SEE YOU IN A WEEK!” They yelled before driving off.


But they were gone.

There was a silence as Yakov stared off into the now empty street.

“This is your punishment for how you behaved as a skater” Lilia’s voice said from behind him. He grunted, she probably had a point.

“When I die I want it on my tombstone that those three were responsible” he said closing the door.

At least now he knew better than to ever assume Katsuki was the sensible one. There were no sensible ones. All skaters were insane.