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Of Course They're Real

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“What exactly is this stuff?” Gentry asked, skeptically, looking at the little figurines. They looked soft.

“They’re unicorns!” Ceres said, smiling cheerfully.

“Yeah, I see that. But, what I mean is…what’re they made of?”

“That’s a really silly question, Gentry! Of course you know what they’re made of!”

“Uh…no. Or, I wouldn’t have asked.” He sighed. Getting information out of Ceres was like pulling teeth. No matter how straight-forward it probably should have been.

“…I don’t know how you couldn’t know what they’re made of!” Ceres said, blinking at his friend. Gentry was always a little clueless, if you asked Ceres. Really, he was always asking what something was made of! It was like he didn’t trust Ceres or something!

“Just answer me!” Gentry was getting fed-up with this. He hated this little round-about shit they went through every time he asked a simple question. And the truth was, he didn’t trust Ceres! Ceres was the weirdest person he’d ever met.

“They’re made of meat, of course.” Ceres said, sighing as if exasperated with a very slow child.

“M-meat?!” Gentry stared at the little unicorn figures in horror. Who the hell made unicorn figurines out of meat?!

“Of course! That’s what they’re made out of in real life!”

“No they aren’t!”

“What do you mean? Of course they are! I just have to figure out how to stop them from growing mold and bacteria.” Ceres said, thoughtfully.

“Ceres! Unicorns are not made out of raw, ground meat in real life! In fact, they aren’t real!”

Ceres gasped and stared at Gentry with wide eyes, filled with hurt.

“…What?” Gentry was caught off guard. What had he said that could have possibly given birth to such a look on Ceres’s face?

“Of course unicorns are real! You just have to believe!”

Gentry sighed, a vein in the side of his forehead popping out just a little throbbing. “Ceres…unicorns aren’t real. They never were. They’re a myth. Probably a trick of someone’s eyes a long time ago, or the result of people putting together bones the wrong way. Sort of like the myth of the cyclops.”

“Gentry, how could you say such a terrible thing! You just have to believe! Of course unicorns are real!”


“No! I won’t listen! They’re real, I tell you! They are! And they’re made of meat!”