When they’d been in BizarroWorld, Dean had adamantly insisted that they would never discuss this again. You know, after Sam had looked up that YouTube clip of NotDean in the soap opera.
But Sam…well, Sam was Sam. And he couldn’t exactly help himself.
“It was hot, you know.”
“Fuck, come on, Sam, not this again!”
“I’m just saying. Twink!Dean. You were fucking adorable. I remember when you really did look like that, and I thought about you all the time. Like that. Taking your shirt off…not for that bitchy chick, though.”
“How do you know she was bitchy?”
Oh, and there it was. Sam was called out on his ‘research’. Nowhere to go but forward, though. “There really is a show like that. The guy wasn’t you, obviously. But he looks like you.”
“You fucking watched it?”, Dean replied, incredulous and offended.
“Some of it. I looked it up on Wikipedia. The girl was totally a bitch, and she dumped NotYou for some rich dude. Then you dumped some really nice chick to go back to her. I mean, not…not you, it was NotYou. But you know, in the show, your mom was possessed by the devil?”
“The fuck are you talking about, Sammy?”
“Well, it obviously wasn’t the devil, probably some riff-raff demon, but your mom was totally possessed. If you hadn’t been off at that boarding school where you were magically turning several years older, you could have exorcised that fucker.”
“Let’s get back to not me?”
“Right, yeah, I know, not you, I’m just saying. If it had been you, there’s no way you would have let all that shit happen. She was killing motherfuckers, NotYou’sFakeMom. “ He didn’t mention how the lady on the show had been pretty with long blonde hair.
“How about if you steer this conversation back to where we started? You’re trying to gloss over the whole part about you thinking about it. Thinking I was hot, thinking about me with my shirt off…if I was really the age that guy was, you would have still been a kid. Come on!”
“I wasn’t a kid, not really”, Sam mumbled in response. “I was a teenager. A normal horny teenager.”
“The normal kind of horny teenager who lusts after his older brother?”, Dean shot back with a smirk.
“Maybe. Doesn’t matter, you would have shot me down in a hot second and you know it.”
“Yeah. I would have. Not because I didn’t want it, though.”
Oh. Fuck, shit, goddamnit, oh.
“Right. Oh. It’s not like I didn’t know, Sam. I just felt like…I don’t know, like I was supposed to keep you safe, not steal your virginity. Or let you steal mine. You know, my, uh…ass virginity.”
Right. So now it’s all coming out. Years before anything ever happened between them, they’d both wanted it. Sam hadn’t done anything due to fear of rejection, Dean hadn’t done anything due to his sense of obligation.
“So are you glad now?” Sam asked, face flushed and eyes bright. “That you let me steal that from you?”
“You didn’t steal it, Sam, we were both adults. No one was stealing anything. We’re still not stealing anything. We’re only giving now.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re a real giver like that, Dean.”
“How about if you shut the fuck up?”
“How about if we fuck and I pretend you’re eighteen?”
Dean thought about it for a minute, did the math.
“Twenty. You can pretend I’m twenty. Okay?”
Sam smiled. He could live with that.