Harry Potter lived the life of a normal 14 year old boy- well, except for the fact that he was bullied all the time along with a nervous wreck. His only friend was his adopted sister, Hermione Granger, who normally ignored him in attempts to study and be popular at the same time.
One day, however, his godfather showed up on his doorstep.
Petunia Dursley enjoyed hanging out with her sister and her friends- and when Harry was born, his parents were strangely murdered. Petunia, being his aunt, took him in- despite her husband not wanting anything to do with it.
This is all relevant because Harry's father had an adopted brother, who went by the name of Sirius Black. He was absolutely brilliant and smart, and constantly managed to make brilliant things. Harry never heard much about him due to the fact that he disappeared after his parents death. Petunia always said he might've felt guilty for it, but Harry never got the answer about why.
One could see why it would be a huge shock when your godfather randomly shows up on your doorstep one day with packed bags asking for a place to stay.
Harry was still adjusting to this. His godfather was...weird. Fun, but weird.
Harry slept soundly, his body splayed in an awkward manner as he slept. He jolted awake when his door slammed open and he heard his godfather shouting.
“HARRY! Harry you gotta.. Cmon Harry-” Sirius slurred, his alcohol bottle clinking in his hand as he suddenly fell over onto the floor. He made his way drunkenly to Harry's bed.
“What- ah geez- Sirius what? What're you talking about?” Harry stuttered, rubbing his eyes. Sirius grabbed onto his shirt, smelling a lot like alcohol.
“C-cmon we got- we gotta- I have a surprise f-for you, Harry-” He said, grabbing onto Harry and tugging him.
“Ah-! Okay! Okay!” Harry yelped, grabbing his glasses off his nightstand and shoving them on. He followed Sirius out the door to the garage, where Sirius shoved him into his flying UFO thing. He turned it on, and flew out of the garage, obviously still drunk while flying.
“Wuddoyou-URP- what do you think of m-my flying… Vehicle...Harry?” He slurred, taking a sip from his bottle of alcohol. “I-I built it out of garbage in the garage.”
“Yeah… It's pretty cool I-I guess. Is this the surprise?” Harry asked, bored. This is the third time this week that Sirius had dragged him out to do some random science shit in the middle of the night, and everything seemed less impressive.
“Harry- I- I hadda… URP- I hadda b-build a bomb, Harry. I-i hadda-”
“WHAT!? A BOMB!?” Harry's voice cracked with absolute fear.
“I gotta- drop it down there! Create a w-whole fresh start, Harry. A whole fresh start!”
“N-nah Morty its...it's gonna be good we… Right nnow we're gonna go pick up your little friend Cho Chang.”
“Cho!? From my math class!?”
“W-When we drop the bomb- Yknow-” Sirius took a long swig of his alcohol, probably something alien, “y-know, you're gonna be like.. Like the new Adam and Eve…”
“NO! YOU CANT!” Harry shoved Sirius a bit, feeling his face heat up. “Cho doesn't even know I exist! B-b-but forget about that! You can't just blow up humanity!”
“I-I get what you're saying-listen- Y-you don't gotta worry bout’ me tryin..tryin to fool around with Cho or anythin- I-I'm not like that- Yknow- I'm not that kinda guy, Harry,”
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SIRIUS?”
“Y-y-you don't have to worry ‘bout me gettin with Cho or anythin- sh-she-She's all for you, Harry-”
“I DONT CARE ABOUT CHO, SIRIUS! Y-y-Y-Y-yo-”
“Y-ya l-lets forget the girl- URP- shes probably nothin but trouble anyways-” Sirius slurred, pressing a button. Red lights flared, and a voice said something about the bomb being armed.
“Th-that's it, Sirius! I'm t-taking the wheel!” Harry yelled, unbuckling and lunging at the driving wheel, attempting to shove Sirius’s hands off it.
“OI- NO FUCK OFF- WHATS GOTTEN INTO Y-YOU- WHY-”
“NO IM TAKING CARE OF TH-THIS SITUATION IM NOT LETTING YOU BLOW US UP-”
“WHATRE YOU CRAZY-”
“IM NOT LETTING YOU BE A DUMB PER- DUMB PERSON AND LETTINGG YOU RUN AROUND AND BLOW US UP-”
“ALRIGHT! Alright! Alright Harry! I'll land I-I'll land I'll land the thing… I'll land the thing…” Sirius yelped, shoving Harry off. Harry panted and bit his lip in anger, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “Tough guy all of the sudden…”
The ship landed in a bumpy manner, and Sirius swung open his door- bottles and cans of beer spewing out. He rolled out and layed on the garbage. “Alright, we're landing right here-”
“Oh thank god.” Harry groaned, laying across the seats.
“Y-Yknow what? That was all a- all a test to m-make you more assertive-” Sirius sniffed, grabbing his flask out of his labcoat.
“It was?” Harry winced. Sirius shrugged.
“Yeah sure I dunno I jus..” He trailed off, passing out.
“Uhm…” Harry stared at Sirius, utterly confused as to what he's supposed to do.
The next day, he and his family were eating breakfast. Vernon was scrolling through his iPad.
“That singing show is on tonight...who do you thinks gonna win?”
Before anyone could answer, Harry felt his eyes droop and his face crashed into his eggs.
“Oh my god his head is in his food I'm going to puke…” Hermione groaned, scrolling through her phone.
“Harry! Are you getting sick?” Petunia asked, tilting her head. Harry lifted his face out of his food.
“No… I think i just didn't get enough sleep… Maybe my dreams are too loud.” He groaned, wiping some bacon off of his cheek.
“Or maybe he was out all night with Sirius again.” Hermione scoffed.
“What!?” Vernon spat.
“Sirius?” Petunia raised an eyebrow.
“What so everyone's supposed to sleep every night now?” Sirius scoffed. “Y-you realize that nighttime takes up half of all time?”
“DAMMIT!” Vernon shouted.
“Vernon.” Petunia growled.
“Petunia…!” Vernon pleaded.
“Ohmygod my parents are so loud I wanna die…” Hermione sighed.
“Mmm. There is no God, Hermione. You gotta rip that bandage off now, you'll thank me later.” Sirius sniffed casually, not looking up from his eggs.
“With all due respect- okay no, no respect should be given here. How is this kid going to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off at night for sci-fi nonsense!?” Vernon spat. Sirius shrugged.
“Listen, Vernon, I-I don't wanna over step any of my bounds or anything, it's your house, your world. But lemme tell you something. Lemme tell you about how I feel about school.” Sirius now put down his fork and knife, eyeing Vernon furiously as his brows furrowed. “It's a waste of time! It's just a bunch of kids bumping into each other… Guy up front says two plus two… Kids in the back say four… th-then the bell rings… They give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper to go take a shit… It's just not a place for smart people, Vernon.” He growled. “I-I know its not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue.”
Sirius wiped his mouth on his napkin, and stood up. “This was a really good breakfast, Petunia! You made the crap outta those eggs… I wish James and Lily were here to eat em.” He cooed Petunia, putting a hand on her shoulder. He then left, and Petunia was beaming.
“Awe…” She grinned.
“What? For real?” Vernon looked shocked.
Harry felt himself pass out in his eggs again.