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summertime sonnets

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Taehyung’s tongue licked along Yoongi’s bottom lip and Yoongi exhaled unevenly, shutting his eyes and making a sound at the back of his throat. Taehyung hummed in satisfaction and smirked slightly, running his fingers through Yoongi’s hair, making a complete mess out of it. It had been ruffled even before they started making out but Taehyung couldn’t resist. He loved playing with Yoongi’s hair, tugging at his strands so Yoongi groaned every so often. It spread warmth all over Taehyung’s body every time.

It must have been something in the way Yoongi nipped at Taehyung’s tongue when he finally let him in or maybe the way he touched Taehyung’s hips with only his fingertips after he had slipped his palms under the thin fabric of Taehyung’s t-shirt, that made his body tremble. Taehyung didn’t know and maybe he didn’t even want to, not when Yoongi sucked on his tongue making Taehyung whimper and definitely not when he traced little patterns on Taehyung’s sensitive hips, leaving goosebumps all over his skin. The only things that mattered in this moment were their mixed breaths, the heat radiating from their bodies and the dizziness in their heads. It was fucking intoxicating, for sure. Taehyung had to admit that kissing Yoongi was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Well, at least in the moment when their tongues were rubbing against each other and Yoongi was tugging at Taehyung’s lip with his teeth, his grip on Taehyung’s hips tightening with every movement. Taehyung moaned at the thought of having bruises there later, and grinded down on Yoongi’s crotch.

Yoongi grit his teeth at the friction, trying to stop Taehyung from shifting in his lap. It didn’t really help because as soon as Yoongi let go, Taehyung moved back into place.

There was a muffled groan and Yoongi withdrew slightly, his nose still touching Taehyung’s. “Slow down,” he whispered, his voice husky and low, sending shivers down Taehyung’s spine.

Taehyung pouted then, trying to capture Yoongi’s lips with his own again, so needy, his hips rocking back and forth. Yoongi gave in easily, but pulled away once he felt Taehyung’s hand near his crotch. He caught Taehyung’s wrist and looked him in the eyes, disappointed.

“Why do you have to be so impatient?” Yoongi clicked his tongue, shaking his head and sighing with exasperation. Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Taehyung, not letting go of his wrist.
“Just because,” Taehyung whined, leaning into Yoongi’s space again and Yoongi rolled his eyes, planted his hands on Taehyung’s chest and not so gently pushed him away while he stood up. Taehyung collapsed on the floor with quiet thump. Yoongi looked down and snorted when he noticed Taehyung’s puzzled look.

“Let’s get back to math, shall we?” Yoongi grabbed a textbook they had abandoned earlier and took a seat near Taehyung. Yoongi smirked at him, one corner of his lips quirking up and Taehyung felt his stomach flip. God, he was such a goner.

Taehyung knew he had trouble keeping his hands to himself around Yoongi, but in perspective, it was kind of understandable. Taehyung had had the biggest crush on Yoongi ever since he had seen Yoongi shoot hoops at their high school courtyard.

It felt like his crush would come to an end after Yoongi left for college, but fate had other things in store for Taehyung when he had needed a tutor to get him into a good university and Yoongi had needed extra cash.

Taehyung had been as shocked as he was excited and Jimin tried to calm him down for nearly two hours with ice cream and cartoons.

It all had started innocently, Taehyung had tried to act it cool while Yoongi had been a so-called professional with a tough attitude and bored voice. But it was okay because Taehyung hadn’t paid attention to anything Yoongi had tried to push into him, studying his soft features and staring a lot instead, since he hadn’t had many occasions of being so close to Yoongi ever since he had started pining over him.

Taehyung had hoped he wasn’t being a creep about it and had shared his worries with both Jimin and Jeongguk many times. They had tried to be helpful, looking at him sympathetically and patting him on the back each time he had a mental breakdown. But truth to be told, it had been the only thing they could do because they didn’t want to come across as jerks with telling him that he should calm down.

As it had turned out, he hadn’t been so subtle about his staring as he had thought before. Yoongi had noticed, of course he had, and pointed it out when he had caught Taehyung red-handed. He just had given Taehyung a question about the things he was talking about a few minutes earlier. Taehyung, much to his dismay, had become a stuttering and blushing mess and he could have sworn he had never felt so embarrassed in his entire life before.

Since then, things had become awkward between them and Taehyung had opted on throwing single glances at Yoongi from time to time, trying to actually catch some mathematical things.

How exactly did they end up in the position of making out with each other when they should have been studying?

As it was said, Yoongi had noticed and for a while he had quite some fun teasing Taehyung almost all the time, ‘accidentally’ leaning into Taehyung’s personal space, touching his thigh to gain his attention or smirking at him in the way that had left Taehyung pretty flustered. Unfortunately, Taehyung’s marks hadn’t got any better and well, Yoongi really needed money so he had kissed Taehyung when the boy finally had answered his question right. He was risking a lot but he had been ninety-nine percent sure Taehyung wouldn’t reject him in any way. Taehyung was also cute so it hadn’t been a damaging experience for Yoongi.

It had turned out that with little rewards of encouragement, Taehyung was learning pretty quickly. So their lessons had included a lot of kisses and soft pecks on the lips since then because Taehyung had become really determined to touch Yoongi’s mouth with his own much more often.

For a few weeks it had been only a business thing until Taehyung had asked Yoongi out and Yoongi actually, surprising both of them, said yes.

The rest was a history, quite cliché to be honest. Taehyung was on a cloud nine for three weeks (since they had become official, as official as they could be, when neither of them was really out) and Yoongi had to admit he loved listening to Taehyung’s ramblings about small things and big things, the important and the silly ones, he was becoming familiar with his touches, feeling warmth spreading through his veins every time Taehyung smiled because of him.

Since Taehyung was kind of a hopeless romantic, they had been going on dates, exploring each other every time more and more.

The ones when they drove out of Seoul on Yoongi’s motorcycle were Taehyung’s favorite. Only both of them, touching, kissing, laughing, and being quiet. Taehyung had never liked the silence, thinking that everything would become awkward if nobody spoke but with Yoongi silence was soothing, relaxing even. Taehyung was always the most excited for dates like this, when they were only for each other, without studying, without the fear of being caught.


***



The lesson was quite boring so it wasn’t surprising that some of the students didn’t really pay attention to the lecture. Taehyung and his best friend, Jimin, included.

They were both minding their own business. Jimin was doodling something on loose sheets of paper when he glanced at Taehyung and had to refrain from making some snarky remark when he noticed how focused on “the task” Taehyung was.

“This is so gross,” Jimin commented, peeking out from behind Taehyung’s shoulder at Taehyung’s notebook. Taehyung ignored Jimin completely as expected. He continued what he had been doing before without hesitance. Unfortunately, in Jimin’s opinion he wasn’t doing anything that should be appreciated, like for example, taking notes.

Jimin groaned quietly and nudged Taehyung in the elbow, gaining his attention. Taehyung had blinked rapidly and looked at Jimin wide-eyed, reminding of a deer caught in headlights.

Jimin narrowed his eyes at him, grinning mischievously. “What are you doing?” he asked in a sing-song voice.

Taehyung sucked on air, looking down at his notes and felt embarrassment creeping out on him. “Nothing,” he said, with a dust pink blooming on his cheeks.

“Dozens of written little Yoongi’s in hearts say something else,” Jimin teased, glancing again at the whole page of hearts drawn around Yoongi’s name.

“Says you,” Taehyung retorted, elbowing Jimin ever so slightly, trying to be quiet so teacher wouldn’t scold them and eventually looked at their notes. If it happened, Taehyung would’ve wished the ground to open up and swallow him right there and then.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jimin scrunched his eyebrows and squinted at Taehyung, indignant.

“You’ve been slipping these little doodles into Jeongguk’s locker for almost a year. If we are talking about being gross, look at yourself,” Taehyung whispered, looking at Jimin with a warning and tore the sheet out of his notebook. Such a waste of paper, he thought, sighing.

It was one to one to be honest, because Jimin had a point. Lately, Taehyung’s notebooks were filled with everything but the important things. Unless someone considered unconsciously written ‘T+Y=♥’s all over pages as important.

Taehyung was so fucking pathetic it hurt but the worst thing was that he couldn’t help it, the only thing or rather person he needed was Yoongi, kissing him, holding his hand, talking to him. It was getting worse by each day. And gross, of course, gross.


***



“How many times do you two meet per week?” Jimin asked later, after their lessons had finished and, with Jeongguk, they were exiting school.

“Officially or not?”

“Not,” Jeongguk said before Jimin even had an occasion to open his mouth. Jimin glared at Jeongguk, who didn’t even notice, and then looked at Taehyung, waiting for his response.

“I guess it depends if Yoongi has a lot of work. Four or five times with tutoring,” Taehyung replied, shrugging and looking around, searching for any sign of Yoongi hereabouts.

“That’s quite a lot,” Jimin said, biting on his lip, “What about your parents. Are they okay with it?” he asked, gazing at Taehyung with concern.

“They know about two hours I spend with him when he helps me with math, the other times I tell them I’m hanging out with you,” he explained, smiling to himself when he noticed Yoongi, leaning against his dark motorcycle across the road, his eyes glued to his phone.

“Wait, so we have been your cover for almost a month and you didn’t even say a word?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung said nonchalantly, not even sparing his friends a glance, his steps getting faster by each movement. “You would be my cover if my mom called anyway, so,” he muttered and well, Jimin had to admit that Taehyung was right.

“Jiminnie hyung, let’s go, I think we lost him anyway,” Jeongguk said then, nodding in Yoongi’s direction when Jimin had looked at him confused.

Taehyung only gave them half-hearted goodbye’s before he started almost running to Yoongi, ignoring the cars tooting at him when he jumped on the street like he owned the place. Yeah, Taehyung was reckless and irresponsible; he knew that, everybody knew that, even Yoongi, who looked up when he had heard the sudden noise, knew that.

When Taehyung had finally reached his destination, he smiled widely, almost blinding Yoongi with his boxy grin and pecked him quickly on the bottom lip, leaving the elder caught off guard and gaping like a fish.

When Yoongi eventually recovered, he shook his head and put his hands on Taehyung’s forearms, pushing him away slightly, “Not here,” he whispered, looking around cautiously. It wasn’t a secret that Yoongi always waited for Taehyung a little away from Taehyung’s school in a fear that anyone they knew could see them and he never let Taehyung be affectionate with him in public even if they were kind of isolated from anyone’s eyes.

Taehyung’s couldn’t ignore the sudden pang of hurt he felt and he looked away, taking a step back and putting distance between them. Nevertheless, he tried to smile and reassure worried Yoongi by squeezing his hand, knowing that there wasn’t any sense in building tension when they were supposed to have the time for themselves.

After a few moments of silence they got onto Yoongi’s motorcycle. Taehyung had tightly wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s waist and propped his chin on his shoulder. When they eventually moved from there, driving fast through Seoul’s busy streets and escaping the big city for a while, Taehyung nuzzled his nose into the expanse of Yoongi’s neck and with closed eyes as he breathed him in, felt at ease.


***



The place they usually spent their time together was quiet, peaceful and for Taehyung, just imperfectly perfect, like them.

There was a field and small lake nearby, reflecting the sun’s light on days like this. The air around them was completely different from the one they knew, fresh, light for their lungs even if not that much because they weren’t as far away from Seoul as it seemed to feel for Taehyung.

He didn’t know how Yoongi found this place, he didn’t even bother to ask him, he only appreciated the fact that Yoongi wanted to be there with him.

Kissing Yoongi on the cold ground and feeling like he was just about ready to float off the ground was magical for Taehyung and he felt dizzy from it every time he stole a kiss from Yoongi, even if it lasted only a few seconds before they were pulling away again, returning to anything they were doing before, be it looking into the distance, at each other or talking about something. It was so natural to fall into this kind of routine. It was easy to fill the gaps between Yoongi’s fingers with his own, to glance at him from time to time just to find him already looking back. Fuck, it was as simple as breathing.


***



The atmosphere was peaceful and so calm that Taehyung was willing to take a nap, already feeling sleepy just from the soothing blows of wind. Yoongi was on his right, sitting cross-legged and working on his lyrics while Taehyung had been looking at the almost clear blue sky for what seemed like hours , thinking about how clouds reminded him of cotton candy and how free the birds flying around were. How he might’ve wanted to be one of them just for a moment, to feel the gusts of wind on his skin and just float. Taehyung hummed contentedly at the thought and without any hesitance, he lay down on the ground. He crossed his arms underneath his head so at least his hair wouldn’t be too wet from the damp grass and exhaled, shifting a little to find comfortable position.

“You will get sick if you lie on the ground like this,” Yoongi scolded Taehyung who didn’t even look up at him. Taehyung raised an eyebrow at the statement.

“What a shame,” he said without regret, exhaling heavily through the nose and closing his eyes.

“Indeed, if you are sick I won’t kiss you,” Yoongi informed Taehyung, smirking at the sudden shift to his side.

Taehyung peeked an eye open at him. He propped himself on elbows and looked at Yoongi, who returned his gaze with unnamed feeling in his eyes. Taehyung put a hand to his chest dramatically. “Please, don’t hurt me like this,” he whined.

It was so easy to be soft for Taehyung, Yoongi needed a fucking punch in the face because it didn’t lead to anything good. But for now he only opted for soft and easy, “Okay,” before he leaned down and kissed Taehyung subtly on the lips, inhaling Taehyung’s scent through his nose and caressing his sides with his thumbs. Taehyung’s lips were chapped under his own and he let himself make some embarrassing sound which was drowned by Taehyung’s mewl. He pressed gentler, hearing Taehyung’s rough breathing and felt Taehyung’s wet hands coming from under his head to cup Yoongi’s cheeks and pull him ever closer. All of sudden, Taehyung tugged Yoongi on top of him and Yoongi crashed on him with a squawk. They both pulled away at this and Taehyung started chuckling, holding onto Yoongi tightly. Yoongi only smiled at him and nuzzled his cheek, looking at Taehyung with such intensity that had the younger boy blushing . Such a reassuring thought, though. They were both screwed.


***



Taehyung suspected that Yoongi had some kind of height complex, because no matter what, it was always Taehyung sitting on him whenever they wanted to get comfortable with each other. When they kissed, Yoongi always dragged Taehyung down into his lap and they stayed like that even if Yoongi’s thighs became numb. It was funny to look at, Taehyung thought to himself but never said out loud because he was pleased with Yoongi’s attention.


***



“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou her maid art far more fair than she.” Taehyung declaimed, his voice deep and steady and he paused for a moment, leaning into Yoongi some more and flipping the page in the book. He could feel Yoongi’s heartbeat on his back and his faint breath on the side of his neck as Yoongi attentively listened to him. They looked rather comical in this position, Yoongi’s limbs wrapped around Taehyung’s form from behind, his hands gripping Taehyung around his tummy. One of Taehyung’s palms was clasped between Yoongi’s, their fingers entwined, while the other was holding Romeo and Juliet. Taehyung couldn’t complain, he loved this.

They were hidden from others’ eyes, sitting against the tree in the isolated part of the local park. It wasn’t unusual for them to do this ever since Yoongi found out how beautiful and soothing Taehyung’s voice was to the ears whenever he was reading something he loved. And to say Taehyung loved Shakespeare’s creations would be an understatement. Yoongi liked to say jokingly that Taehyung was obsessed with them.

“It is the east and Taehyung is the sun,” Yoongi whispered, peppering Taehyung’s neck with little kisses and causing giggles to escape Taehyung’s throat. Yoongi grinned to himself when Taehyung started to shift in an attempt of escaping Yoongi’s grip. What a shame that Yoongi only pulled him closer.

“How cheesy of you,” Taehyung breathed out, blushing.

“Aren’t you a bit ticklish?” Yoongi teased, changing the subject. He blew a puff of air at Taehyung’s neck. The boy squirmed and Yoongi bit the inside of his cheek and smiled widely. “If you are the sun then I’m the envious moon.”

“Yeah, I think you are pale enough.”

Yoongi frowned a little, tugging at Taehyung’s earlobe with his teeth, causing Taehyung to shiver as Yoongi muttered, his voice hoarse, “But you will have to kill me, then.”

“Oh no, what do I do?”

Yoongi shrugged. “This is some depressing shit, Tae. I have no idea why you like it. In my universe, the sun and the moon would have a happily ever after.”

“This is not depressing shit. You should appreciate good literature. And there’s no relationship between sun and moon, darling.”

“What’s so good about it? Two teenagers commit a suicide because they are stupid, darling,” Yoongi said indifferently, although he put more emphasis on the last word.

“They were so young and emotional,” Taehyung tried to explain, shifting in the grasp so he could face Yoongi. When he finally turned around, their faces were so close, Taehyung almost choked on air.

“And they knew each other for barely a day, it’s stupid and immature and they were old enough so I can’t see any sense in it,” Yoongi said back with a disdain.

“Yoongi, it only showed their recklessness, the youth is like that, does things without thinking them through. It’s the quintessence of being a teenager. Everybody does stupid things and makes unreasonable decisions when they are young. And add to this love, you lose all your senses. It’s a metaphor.” Taehyung said passionately, looking at Yoongi’s face in awe, studying his features. “If you think it’s stupid, why do you ask me every time to read this for you?” Taehyung spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. He noticed that Yoongi swallowed and his eyes fell on Taehyung’s mouth.

Yoongi licked his lips, looking unsure. “I like hearing your voice.”

Taehyung’s heart did a few flips and he felt feverish when Yoongi looked at him like this. The silence between them was thick until Taehyung cleared his throat.

“Yoongi?”

“Hmm?” Yoongi hummed, eyeing Taehyung’s face.

“Have you heard the story about how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let him breathe?” Yoongi only shook his head in response, not taking his eyes off Taehyung’s lips. Taehyung swallowed, feeling how Yoongi started playing with his fingers, probably unconsciously. “Do you want to hear? I think you would like this one better,” he said, his voice raspy without even a reason. Yoongi only looked up at him and nodded so slightly Taehyung wasn’t actually sure if he didn’t imagine his movement.

“Okay.”


***



Taehyung knew he was lost from the very beginning when Yoongi kissed him for the first time, the subtle and unexpected peck on the lips, so short Taehyung couldn’t even return it. It wasn’t his first kiss but it didn’t matter because however sappy it sounds, every kiss with Yoongi felt like the first one.

He was indeed high on his feelings towards Yoongi, he was fully aware of it as much as he was aware of the fact this stage wouldn’t last forever, so he was okay with being a fool, he was okay with searching for Yoongi even if he knew he wasn’t anywhere near. And he was okay with missing him every time they weren’t together.

“It’s normal, infatuation doesn’t last long. You will start noticing Yoongi’s flaws soon,” Jimin had once said when he had enough of Taehyung’s moodiness. But Taehyung didn’t care.

The next fact Taehyung knew, was that he was acting ridiculous but he couldn’t help it. Although, he was surprised that his friends were able to stand him like this. If he were them, he would have punched himself in the face the day Yoongi had agreed to their date.

Trying not to show how much he craved for Yoongi was hard but he didn’t want to scare him. Yoongi wasn’t the affectionate type, he was far from it and at first their touches were reserved, Taehyung not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Although, the more time they spent with each other and the more familiar they became with one another, there was more trust on each side. Much to Taehyung’s surprise, Yoongi started initiating physical contact more often than Taehyung himself.

But Taehyung couldn’t say their relationship was perfect, as much as he wanted to. Yoongi was scared, he was so scared to the point he flinched and pulled away from Taehyung every time he had heard any noise.

Taehyung has always been a good observer since as long he could remember. He was the first one to notice Jimin’s feelings towards Jeongguk and pinpoint them to the boy who wasn’t even aware of them. He saw the way Jeongguk’s eyes lingered on Jimin longer than they should when no one else was looking. So it was only a matter of time he had noticed that Yoongi was scared of being seen with Taehyung. Even though he had caught the signs earlier, he decided to ignore them, not exactly knowing that Yoongi’s fear could cause any damage. Everything was yet to be fucked up.


***



Taehyung was carrying a bag in one hand and his phone in the other, looking through his playlist. He was humming to the sounds in his headphones, blushing at the thought that most of the tracks on his phone were Yoongi’s ones. How pathetic of him. In his defense, some of them were there even before they started seeing each other. If that even made the situation any better.

His last two lessons were cancelled that day so he decided to visit Yoongi in his work since he knew when his break started – on a normal day they texted each other a lot then. There were a few times that Taehyung almost got caught using his phone during the lesson but who didn’t like this little tingle of adrenaline spreading across your skin when you have to be discreet? Taehyung lived for it, sought for the risk in the smallest things.

Everything Yoongi was doing, was somehow connected with music. He was studying production, he was an underground rapper and he was working in a music shop. Three things in check, more to be added. Yoongi’s whole existence revolved around music, Taehyung was amazed by this and a little terrified because he felt like he didn’t belong to Yoongi’s world, at all.

The only thing he could consider he was passionate about was acting, but to be honest, it was nothing in comparison to Yoongi. While Yoongi poured all of himself into music, staying up all night to get his work done, Taehyung was into acting only half-heartedly. He never had the chance to get out of his shell, only Jimin knew a little of his dreams. Taehyung was too scared, although when he looked at Yoongi, the feeling of following the path he was yearning for hit him every time. He just needed a push, some kind of encouragement but unfortunately there wasn’t any in the sight.

He took his steps to the back of the shop where Yoongi was spending his breaks, feeling doubts hitting him all of sudden. He didn’t want to be this annoying and clingy boyfriend Yoongi would have enough of. He hadn’t thought it through.

Yoongi was lighting the cigarette and chatting with some dark haired boy, when he spotted Taehyung awkwardly looking at him.

“Hello,” Taehyung said unsurely, his voice raspy. The other boy smiled at him widely while Yoongi came closer to Taehyung in an instant, his face everything but happy and the cigarette long forgotten. “Is that Namjoon?” Taehyung grinned, trying to contain his increasing nervousness, and nodded at the other boy.

“No,” Yoongi blurted out, his hands trembling. As he opened his mouth to say something, a tall man crashed through the door.

“That’s Namjoon,” the other boy informed Taehyung. So Taehyung assumed it was Hoseok.

“What about me?” Namjoon all but whined, taking the cigarette from Hoseok and lighting it rather nervously, not really noticing Taehyung at first.

“What are you doing here?” Yoongi asked, his teeth gritted.

“You smoke?”

“Occasionally,” he spilled little in response and Taehyung froze at the look on Yoongi’s face. “Taehyung, what the fuck are you doing here?” Yoongi whispered hurriedly.

“I brought you lunch?” It was more of a question than statement. He raised his hand with a bag in the front of Yoongi’s face, looking at him apologetically. Yoongi silently eyed the bag and then his eyes returned to Taehyung’s face. Yoongi gripped Taehyung’s wrists and muttered, “You can’t just come here without telling me.”

Yoongi pushed Taehyung a little, trying to put some distance between them and Taehyung was more than surprised by sudden change in Yoongi’s behavior. He didn’t act like that when they were alone. Taehyung felt like suffocating all of sudden.

“Who’s that?” The sound of Namjoon’s voice echoed and Yoongi flinched. He scrubbed a hand across his face rather rapidly and just then Taehyung noticed how shaky his boyfriend’s hands were. Yoongi turned around just slightly and smiled weakly.

“No one, just the kid I’m tutoring,” he said and Taehyung scrunched his eyebrows. He had the feeling like something really heavy sunk in the pit of his stomach and his world crashed in this one moment. It wasn't anything big but Taehyung could feel like his heart broke a little at the way Yoongi said that.

“Ah, I remember, you told us about him a few months ago,” Hoseok admitted, shaking his cigarette to the ashtray. “Hyung is really good at math, isn’t he?” Hoseok smiled at Taehyung and Taehyung nodded, not really paying attention to his words. He started backing away, not caring about the fact that Namjoon addressed something to him and ignoring the way Yoongi started reaching for him in the moment he noticed Taehyung’s panicked gaze. He needed some air.

Taehyung wasn’t aware of how secret their relationship was until this moment. And the realization that officially he was ‘no-one’ to Yoongi hit him like a truck and he found himself running right away when he disappeared from the boys’ sight.


***



“He really said that?” Jimin asked while rubbing soothing circles on Taehyung’s back. The only response he received was a shaky nod. He sucked in a breath of air, looking at Jeongguk for help, who was chewing on a sandwich, watching the situation wide-eyed.

After a moment of silence, Jeongguk swallowed one of the biggest bites and spoke, “And he didn’t even take your lunch?”

“Jeongguk, you are literally eating it,” Jimin deadpanned, sighing heavily. Jeongguk shifted in place, looking awkwardly at the half-eaten food.

“Well,” he mumbled, stuffing his mouth with the rest.

Taehyung looked up at them then, his eyes a little puffy and red (if anybody asked, it was allergic reaction).

Jimin bit his bottom lip trying to come up with something. “You know,” he spoke, gaining Taehyung’s attention, “I’ve read that when you are in a relationship, especially the new one, you can’t follow them around, you need to give your man space.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, so he won’t feel annoyed and tired of you, he will have time to miss you and he won’t feel like you are too much into this relationship. You have to be low key about it.”

“How am I supposed to be low key about my first relationship with someone I was crushing on for three years? You know me, I can’t be low key about anything in my life and in this case I’m very high key,” Taehyung said nervously on one breath, looking lost.

Jimin started fidgeting with his sleeve, “If you say it like this, it doesn’t sound okay. Tae, you really need to try so hyung won’t feel overwhelmed by you.”

“Do you think I’m annoying?”

“Tae, Tae, Tae,” he clicked his tongue, “I don’t think you are annoying but it’s me, right? I love attention, I’d jump on you if you brought me lunch and I’d like to spend every moment with you if I was in love with you. But you said, more than once, that Yoongi hyung is kind of distant, not really affectionate so I guess you need to work on that,” he shrugged.

Taehyung sprawled out on a couch dramatically and pouted. “Since when are you such a specialist about relationships? You haven’t had a girlfriend or a boyfriend since I’ve known you and I’ve known you from the time when you were small and cute.”

“Jiminnie hyung is still small and cute,” Jeongguk blurted out, not really looking from the rest of the sandwich. Jimin and Taehyung gaped at him and when the tension had started to become awkward, Jeongguk cleared his throat and started to blush like crazy. “Just saying, it’s true, isn’t it?”

‘So close’, Taehyung thought as the moment went away and Jimin started poking his ankle.

“I’m such a specialist since my mom’s got subscriptions from Cosmopolitan,” he admitted with pink cheeks as Taehyung averted his gaze from Jeongguk’s hunched form.

Being low key in Taehyung’s dictionary meant, strictly said, avoiding. He couldn’t be just subtle about it, could he? And no matter how much his fingers were itching to send Yoongi at least an emoji sticker, he was strong. He was strong until something came to his mind. How was he supposed to be low key if the next day he was appointed with Yoongi for a date? So he sent him short sorry, can’t go with u tomorrow opting on not adding any emojis. When Yoongi almost immediately replied him with why? Taehyung gulped the lump in his throat and even though he wasn’t the seen at 11:47 pm type he ignored the need to answer Yoongi and hid his face in the pillow, mumbling incoherences under his breath. Being cold towards Yoongi was so hard.


***



“Taehyung, I didn’t tell you to ignore him,” Jimin stated the next day, running fingers through his hair and sighing exasperatedly. “I’ve just told you to give him some space.”

Taehyung was gnawing nervously on his thumb, stealing glances at his phone which had fifteen seen but unanswered messages, every each one of them from Yoongi. The first one was casual morning, the next ones asked how Taehyung was doing mixed with Yoongi’s grumblings about high prices of coffee and how he, a poor student, was going to afford his life source. But when Taehyung still didn’t respond, Yoongi started sending him more concerned texts or the ones in which he told Taehyung that he saw that the younger had read his messages so, what’s the case?

Jimin looked like he wanted to rip off his own hair, pushing it back all over again, Jeongguk seemed to be more worried about Jimin’s hair than the whole situation and Taehyung felt like he fucked up completely.

“You know that I can’t just… do something half-heartedly,” Taehyung whined, letting out the words with distaste on his tongue, scrunching his nose. “What do I do?” He threw his arms in the air dramatically and looked at the sky. The weather was pretty nice, sun shining just perfectly at Taehyung’s failure. He could feel that even it was disappointed with him.

“How the fuck can the sun be disappointed with you. It’s a fucking planet,” Jeongguk muttered, sipping on his apple juice.

“It’s a star, Jeonggukie,” Jimin corrected the younger.

“Whatever. The point is, Tae is starting to panic if he lost the control over his brain-to-mouth filter.”

Jimin rolled his eyes and sighed. Jeongguk had a point and the situation didn’t look appealing. “If I’m being honest, I have no idea what you should do in this case,” Jimin admitted, propping his head on his palms and looked at Taehyung with pity.

“Any Cosmopolitan advice up your sleeve?” Taehyung asked with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

Jimin shook his head with defeat, “The only thing I could tell you ‘is how to break up with pride by not looking back’, but I guess it’s not something you are looking for.”

“Maybe tell him about these sex positions he should use when his sex life is too boring,” Jeongguk nudged Jimin in the ribs, smiling slyly. “He could please Yoongi hyung with it,” he chuckled, ignoring Jimin glaring daggers at him.

Taehyung groaned.

He decided to go with the flow, so what if because of his behavior Yoongi could have enough of him? He was okay (he wasn’t) with that. He was just acting cool.

Especially when he noticed Yoongi waiting for him outside the school after his lessons had ended. Taehyung was acting so cool that Jimin had to painfully grip his forearm so he couldn’t run away.

When Yoongi looked at him, worry was visible in his eyes and his lips were a little pouty, Taehyung wanted to do nothing but kiss it away. Being low key was impossible when Yoongi stared at him like that. But then the moment when Yoongi called Taehyung ‘no-one’ and how he had acted the day before appeared in Taehyung’s memory and all of his tenderness went away as quickly as it came.

He would pass by Yoongi without the word if it wasn’t for the fact that Yoongi grabbed him by the hand and stopped him. What was with all this grabbing?

“Tae, what’s going on?” Yoongi asked squeezing Taehyung’s hand. He looked so tiny.

“Nothing.” Taehyung shrugged. “Just wanted to hang out with my friends.”

“So suddenly?” Yoongi didn’t look convinced, not at all and Taehyung started panicking again and Yoongi’s hand around his was unexpectedly too heavy to handle.

“Yeah, why not?” he asked in a cold tone, looking down at Yoongi. Maybe Taehyung was chickening out on the inside but at least he knew how not to show it. Taehyung was born to be a fucking actor.

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Taehyung. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not.” Go Taehyung, go Taehyung!

“Oh, really?” Yoongi smirked at him, one of his eyebrows quirking up and Taehyung could’ve sworn he was sweating in the places he wasn’t aware could even sweat.

Fuck.

“Really,” he declared.

“Hey, Jimin, right?”

Taehyung looked down, cursing himself and trying to escape Yoongi’s grip. Jimin couldn’t lie for his dear life, he was the purest and the most honest person in the whole world.

Jimin nodded, looking between Taehyung and Jeongguk, confused. “Yeah.”

“Is he avoiding me? And don’t try to pull shit on me, I know he tells you everything.”

“Well,” Jimin started, unsure of what he should say next. “It depends what you consider as avoiding.”

“He literally didn’t respond to any of my texts, whilst normally he sends ten replies at once,” Yoongi spoke, squinting his eyes at embarrassed Taehyung.

“I’d rather call it ignoring.”

Taehyung shot his head up looking at Jimin like he was some kind of traitor while Yoongi muttered, “Same shit,” under his breath.

Jimin only mouthed sorry to Taehyung, clinging onto Jeongguk’s bicep. Taehyung thought that Jeongguk would at least take his side but of course not, the kid looked like a fucking scared squirrel and was slowly backing away, dragging Jimin with him. The view was honestly ridiculous. Friends nowadays.

When the traitors quickly waved at him and, hand in hand, disappeared, Taehyung sighed loudly. He couldn’t bring himself to look Yoongi in the eyes, feeling his gaze on himself. Only when Yoongi tilted Taehyung’s chin with his finger, slightly because no matter what Yoongi was still smaller than Taehyung, just then, chewing on his bottom lip, Taehyung looked up.

“What’s going on?” Yoongi asked softly.

“Nothing,” Taehyung said, trying to push Yoongi’s hold off him.

“You can tell me everything, you know that, right?”

Taehyung sucked on air and looked around at all people passing by. “Not here,” he muttered and Yoongi nodded in understanding.

They took a walk along the quiet street between buildings nearby. The atmosphere outside was the opposite to the tension between them. Birds were singing, the sun was shining and the wind was ruffling their hair delicately. ’What a beautiful day to die’, Taehyung thought. Their relationship was as fresh as it could be and they didn’t have any serious talk before and Taehyung wasn’t sure if he was ready because as of this moment he realized that if there was seriousness the thing they had wasn’t only for fun, butterflies and kisses. But he should have realized it earlier, in the end, human emotions aren’t fucking toys.

“So?” Yoongi spoke eventually, bringing Taehyung back to his senses. Taehyung cleared his throat, glancing shortly at Yoongi and then ahead, noticing a cat trying to catch a small bird with its paws.

“So,” he started, exhaling through the nose. “The thing yesterday. It kind of… hurt me,” he voiced out, rather bitterly and kicked the single rock on his way. “So I decided that I don’t want to bother you,” he shrugged, not looking at Yoongi.

“We are in a relationship, you know, you can’t avoid me. It’s childish.” Yoongi snorted, shoving his hands into his jeans’ pockets.

Taehyung smiled meekly under his nose, stealing a glance at Yoongi. “Maybe I’m childish.”

“You should tell me about it. I know that I acted a little rude.” Yoongi scratched the side of his neck awkwardly.

“A little? Yoongi, you called me no-one in front of your friends. I felt really shitty afterwards,” he explained, stopping in place. After going a little forward, Yoongi turned to him and looked around before he took a few steps closer and grabbed Taehyung’s hands, entwining their fingers.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Just… when I panic, I act like this. I don’t think then,” he explained, biting his lip. “Apparently I don’t take emotions very well. Namjoon and Hobi don’t know about me, about… well, us. I don’t want them to know. I’ve been friends with them for so long and I can only imagine what they would think about me. Fuck, I should have told you this earlier.”

“Okay, I understand,” Taehyung said as he looked down at his feet. He didn’t know that Yoongi had kept their relationship even from his closest friends. It stung a little but he could deal with it.

“Really? I thought I fucked up so badly when you didn’t answer me,” Yoongi said quietly with pained expression.

“Yeah, I think we both fucked up so it’s one to one.” Taehyung smiled widely to Yoongi and he felt warmth spreading through his body. He started leaning in to kiss Taehyung but he noticed someone from the corner of his eye and quickly pulled away letting go of Taehyung’s hands.

“Let’s go somewhere,” he said, trying to ignore little pout Taehyung gave him.

They didn’t walk for long before it started raining so hard that they were soaked to their underwear. Taehyung could’ve sworn he felt the rain in his bones in the morning but he didn’t suspect it to be like that.

They were walking on one side of the bridge when it caught them. Yoongi had tried to drag Taehyung to the bus station where every civilized person went for shelter while the rain passed , but Taehyung insisted on taking a walk. Because Taehyung loved rain and Yoongi couldn’t resist him.

“I swear to God, Taehyung, if we are sick, I’ll kill you,” Yoongi muttered pushing back his drenched strands of hair. He could bet his ass he looked awful, with glossy eyes and red nose.

“To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep– no more–“ Taehyung recited on the top of his lungs, spreading his arms widely and looking down from the bridge. The world looked so small from there and Taehyung couldn’t fight the feeling of being powerful, let it be only in this moment. He grinned widely with his teeth and closed his eyes, letting the cold water dance across his body, not caring about the rest of the universe.

Yoongi stared at him in awe and smiled to himself. “Are you reciting fucking Hamlet when there’s going to be the biggest storm and we are in the middle of nowhere?” he asked without malice in his voice. Taehyung only peeked an eye open at him.

“We are on top of the world.” Taehyung leaned against the railing, shutting his eyes once again and humming to himself his own melody.

Beautiful, Taehyung was fucking beautiful like this, breathtaking even. He looked so carefree, so young, so–

Yoongi couldn’t even find words to describe Taehyung in that moment, he was enchanted by the view. He envied Taehyung this – the ability to just breathe, so lightly, without any harm, to let go of everything else for a second and live, not only exist.

“I want to kiss you so fucking much right now,” Yoongi said with a tight throat, feeling dizzy, and grabbed Taehyung by the collar of his jacket, crashing their lips together. Taehyung let out a surprised gasp before he kissed Yoongi back with such emotion Yoongi was overwhelmed and he moaned into the kiss, helplessly holding onto Taehyung like he was his lifeline, desperately breathing him in and biting his chapped lips until they needed to take a breath.

When they pulled away from each other, their noses still touching, Taehyung sent Yoongi a small smile, looking at him with fondness and said, “In this moment, we are infinite,” before they kissed again.

As it turned out, they were sick for the next two weeks but Yoongi didn’t regret following Taehyung for the rest of the day. Afterwards it was worth every tissue he wasted.


***



Taehyung felt like he was flying with Yoongi by his side. He didn’t want to let go of him anytime soon and he didn’t care that Jimin said it won’t last forever. It could.

Taehyung was okay with the fact they were secretly together, he didn’t even like to share, that’s what he liked to tell himself every time he felt this unpleasant tingle of something being not how it should be. He was happy with what he had, because when they were alone he had Yoongi all to himself.

They talked a lot, about the stars, about life. Taehyung loved the vibrations Yoongi’s voice sent off every time he spoke. He was biased, sure, but he had to admit that Yoongi was so intelligent, even with his snarky comments.

Taehyung noticed how different they were but it didn’t bother him at all. Opposites attract, they say, so he went with it as long as Yoongi rubbed his cheek and looked at him affectionately, or smiled at his lame jokes he heard at school.

Being touchy wasn’t anything unusual for Taehyung, of course, but since he had known Yoongi wasn’t a fan of physical affection, he didn’t fail to pinpoint how strange the change in Yoongi’s behavior was to Taehyung, after one of the longest making out sessions which left them panting and blushing (and turned on but shh).

“It’s just,” Yoongi paused, moving his hands across Taehyung’s thighs and sending shivers down his spine, “It makes me feel so good and I can’t explain it but I just want to touch you all the goddamn time.”

Taehyung’s world spun around and he wanted to drink these words from Yoongi’s lips because if there was anything that made him happy, it was definitely the way he had broken every single one of Yoongi’s walls. Or so he thought, he couldn’t really tell. Although, something was shifting between them, in a good way.

Truth be told, he wasn’t a creep but he had observed Yoongi for the whole time he had a crush on him and he saw Yoongi flinching and frowning when one of his friends only put an arm around his shoulder. But there he was, kissing Taehyung like there was no tomorrow, hugging him from behind and grabbing his hand every occasion he got while they were alone. Taehyung loved the extra attention and the way Yoongi secretly smiled when he thought Taehyung couldn’t see was only making it all better.

For example, one time he had blasted out one of Yoongi’s tracks on his phone and started rapping along with Yoongi’s husky voice, trying not to step on the cracks in sidewalk. Once in awhile, he turned around and saw corners of Yoongi’s lips twitching. Taehyung giggled then and with the boxy grin of him, gesticulating lively, rapped powerfully while making faces at Yoongi. And Yoongi really tried to hold back a chuckle but it was so hard when Taehyung was pouring all of his soul into this.

Yoongi had found out a little earlier that Taehyung was a fan of him and it had stroked his ego a lot. He felt flattered and liked teasing Taehyung about it more than often. Sometimes he would even pull Taehyung closer to him and whisper to his ear few lines, smirking with satisfaction when he noticed goosebumps raising on Taehyung’s skin. It was so pleasing for Yoongi and he felt appreciated. And well, he knew Taehyung was fucked.

But it’s well known that every relationship has its ups and downs especially when it gets to the more serious points, especially after a few months of being together and only reluctantly testing the waters.


***



“Give me a kiss, give me.” Taehyung made grabby hands at Yoongi and started straddling his thighs. “I got it right,” he whined when Yoongi turned away from his face and didn’t let Taehyung chase his lips.

“Tae, I can’t give you rewards for every good answer. You need to have the whole exercise right, not only one point from it.” Yoongi sighed, exasperation visible on his face.

“Baby steps,“ Taehyung said, smiling so brightly Yoongi wondered if it hurt.

“You won’t get into a good university with baby steps,” Yoongi pointed out, ruffling Taehyung’s hair. Taehyung shrugged in response.

“I don’t think I need math to study acting,” Taehyung spoke, trying to sound nonchalant even though he was kind of afraid, it was the first time he told someone, besides Jimin and Jeongguk, about it.

Yoongi’s eyes widened and he stopped massaging Taehyung’s thighs. “What?”

Taehyung looked cautiously at Yoongi and cleared his throat, feeling hesitant. “I’m sure you heard me.”

“Since when do you want to study acting?” Yoongi asked, shaking his head.

Taehyung put his finger to his chin, looking like he was deep in thoughts before he deadpanned, “Since forever, I guess?”

He didn’t like the vibes this conversation was sending off.

“So what the fuck exactly I’m doing here?” Yoongi’s voice sounded a little too harsh for Taehyung’s liking and he moved from him.

“Teaching me?”

“Why, if you want to waste everything on acting?”

All of sudden, Taehyung got up and looked down at Yoongi.

“Says you. Everybody can follow their dreams but not me? You are the one who’s studying music production when you could be studying business or something akin to ’useful things like this.’” Taehyung said venomously, making an air quote with his fingers while saying the last four words and Yoongi huffed in irritation.

“It’s not me we are talking about. Your other marks are marvellous, you don’t even study for it. The only thing you suck at is math. With the grades of you and well passed exams you could even try for one of the SKY universities, Taehyung.”

“I don’t need the fucking SKY.” Taehyung could feel his hands shaking so he clenched his fists.

“Oh, believe me, you need. Somebody has to provide a good, established life for your future wife and children. And you won’t do this with acting. Sorry but it’s fucking hard to shine, sunshine” Yoongi spilled it out, scrunching his eyebrows and standing up as well. He ignored for a second shocked expression on Taehyung’s face.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m gay, if you haven’t noticed until now. And I don’t live to make others happy but me. Nobody, not even you, can tell me what I can and what I can’t do,” Taehyung breathed out before he took his stuff and left Yoongi alone.

He had never lost his temper like this before, Taehyung was more of a rainbows and unicorns person and he preferred calm talks instead of throwing shit at each other. He barely even got mad but something in him just snapped when Yoongi started acting like he was the only one who could do whatever the fuck he wanted to.

But what was even worse is that Taehyung’s own boyfriend mentioned Taehyung’s so-called future family, how fucked up is that? Taehyung felt like Yoongi treated their relationship like some kind of a joke in that moment. Yeah, he knew they weren’t together that long to assume they will be a couple in the future. Although, saying things like these few minutes after they were kissing was fucking horrible. It seemed for Taehyung like Yoongi didn’t think of Taehyung’s feelings like they were sincere and it hurt.

This time, he didn’t answer Yoongi’s calls or texts not because of some stupid decision of giving him space. No, this time he really wanted to avoid Yoongi as long as possible.

Four days later, he was a wreck. Jimin literally had to drag him outside because Taehyung was pining and when Taehyung was pining, he wrapped himself in blankets, watched dozens of anime and didn’t speak to anybody.

“Tae, when was the last time you had shower?” Apparently, he didn’t take care of his hygiene either.

Taehyung only shrugged, not giving two shits about anything, while Jimin sat him down on a bench in front of Taehyung’s house. Now, both, Jimin and Jeongguk, situated themselves on his sides.

“Okay, what happened?” Jimin asked.

“You have our shoulders to cry on,” Jeongguk suggested, looking at Taehyung with concern.

Eventually, after nagging from the boys, Taehyung spilled it all to them in an indifferent voice, looking down to his hands in his lap.

“I’m going to beat the shit out of him,” Jeongguk declared then, scowling.

“You wouldn’t be able to look him in eyes, you almost ran away last time from him,” Taehyung said, looking at Jeongguk like at an idiot. Jeongguk looked completely offended.

“Maybe he isn’t that cool like you thought so, Tae. Maybe… maybe you aren’t meant for each other. Cosmopolitan says that of course, sometimes opposites attract but only when you actually feel attracted to them despite the differences and only if you are both compatible and interested in each other. Maybe you and Yoongi aren’t.”

Taehyung looked up at Jimin, trying to glare at him. “We are, I like spending time with him and I… I think he likes me as well. He doesn’t even touch people but he has his hands on me all the time, it must mean something,” Taehyung said, straightening a little.

“It means he is horny,” Jeongguk retorted and got a smack in the shoulder from Taehyung.

“He isn’t. I mean, maybe he is, who knows. But he doesn’t want to go with me any further than making out.”

“Strange,” Jeongguk commented.

“Tae, maybe try to talk with him?” Jimin said, changing the subject.

“I don’t know if I want to,” Taehyung huffed, crossing arms over his chest.

“If you don’t want to break up with him and you don’t want to talk with him, I don’t know how to help you,” Jimin admitted, moving a hand across his face and sighed heavily.

“Hyung, maybe he’s just a chicken. You said yourself that he is scared of being out, so maybe it has something to do with it as well. Perhaps, if he sees that’s okay to be not straight, he will stop saying shit. He should hang out with us. Eat some shitty fast food and see that we aren’t different from others, just a few closeted Korean queer dudes.” Jeongguk wiggled his eyebrows and nudged Taehyung in the side. Actually, it wasn’t a bad idea, ignoring the silly last part of his speech.

“Something like a double date?” Taehyung asked uncertainly, fidgeting with his sleeve.

Jeongguk nodded, fixing his hair. “But with friends, me and Jimin hyung aren’t dating, though.” He chuckled and looked around, not noticing the hopeful stare Jimin sent him.

Taehyung wanted to scream, they were so fucking dense.

Yoongi had stopped calling and texting him on the third day and it was on the sixth day when Taehyung finally got his shit together and decided to dial up Yoongi. He was so stressed and he was sweating after a few signals and he wanted to end the call right away but Yoongi answered the phone and Taehyung could feel himself getting sicker with each passing moment.

“Hello?”

Taehyung wasn’t aware of how much he missed Yoongi’s voice until he heard it, it was so raspy and he needed a second to process it all in his head.

“It’s me,” he breathed out and wanted to punch himself in the face. Firstly, because the beginning of their conversation sounded like a fucking Adele’s song and secondly, of course Yoong knew it was him. What was he thinking?

“I know.”

It was so nerve-wracking and Yoongi, with his short and uncertain replies, wasn’t helping at all. Taehyung found himself gnawing on his thumb immediately and licking his chapped lips every few seconds. He was so nervous and he didn’t even know why, it wasn’t him who was guilty.

“We need to talk,” he said and regretted it at the same moment, knowing how it sounded. People say things like this before the break up or before they tell their other half about being pregnant, and Taehyung definitely wasn’t carrying a baby. He only hoped Yoongi wouldn’t assume anything.

“Okay,” Yoongi answered after a few seconds and Taehyung wanted to scream at him for being like this. Cooperate Min Yoongi, cooperate.

“Okay.”

Silence.

“Tell me where, maybe? Or should I guess? Unless you want to end it through the phone, it sucks but I won’t argue with you.”

“No!” Taehyung shouted loudly, his grip on his phone tightening. “Come to my home. Anytime.”

Then, Yoongi hung up.

 

When Yoongi showed up at his doorstep, Taehyung’s heart clenched at the sight and he was thankful there was no one besides him at home. Yoongi looked so so tiny in his baggy hoodie, Taehyung wanted to wrap himself around his body. Sure, they still had a lot to talk about but Taehyung couldn’t help the fact that he missed him. That’s why he couldn’t break up with Yoongi in the first place, not when he felt so many things at once after he hadn’t seen him for less than a week.

“So, will you let me in or do you want to end it at the doorstep?” Yoongi asked, narrowing his eyes at Taehyung.

Taehyung pulled Yoongi inside immediately, the movement followed by a surprised gasp from the older boy.

“Firstly, I don’t want to end anything. Secondly, fuck you.” And then Taehyung couldn’t stop himself and just hugged Yoongi with all the strength he had in himself, nuzzling his nose into Yoongi’s neck and breathing him in. “Oh God, I missed you so much,” he muttered after a while. Yoongi eventually awkwardly hugged him back, clearly not prepared for this.

When Taehyung pulled away, Yoongi looked at him sheepishly and licked his lips.

“I don’t understand,” he said when Taehyung had grabbed him by his wrists and dragged him to the couch in his living room. Taehyung sat them down before he spoke, saving some time to find proper words and not stumble in the middle of the sentence.

After a few long seconds, Taehyung looked deeply into Yoongi’s eyes. “I don’t want to end things between us and I hope you don’t want it as well,” he said, unsure. “I just want to know why you acted like that.” The sudden tiredness filled his voice and he felt so miserable under Yoongi’s gaze.

“Because I thought it wasn’t anything serious for you,” Yoongi mumbled and looked away.

“Why?” Taehyung frowned. “Did I ever give you any sign that it’s just a joke for me?”

“Every guy I had ever dated wanted to only have fun with me before they get into adulthood. They were already planning marriage and shit, casually talking with me about it. I assumed that…” The rest of the sentence hung heavily in the air between them.

Taehyung would’ve lied if he said it didn’t hurt him. “It’s not my fault you met shitheads,” he retorted, looking at his palms.

“Just, it started on our tutoring lessons and well,” Yoongi shrugged, embarrassed, at loss for words.

“You should have asked me how I feel about us and if I’m into girls before assuming anything.”

“Yeah, I know.” Yoongi squeezed Taehyung’s knee and looked at him apologetically. He sucked at expressing his feelings and he was like a lost child in the haze but as long as Taehyung was guiding him, it was okay. They were okay.


***



After some nagging and kissing from Taehyung, Yoongi agreed to meet up with Jimin and Jeongguk and that’s how they found themselves sitting awkwardly in some nasty fast food, chewing on french fries and eating hamburgers with the meat that has probably never been near the true meat. The seats in the booth were quite tight, so it was a blessing both Yoongi and Jimin were a lot smaller than Taehyung and Jeongguk.

After Jeongguk had noticed this, they almost hit him.

As much as Taehyung had nothing against being pressed against Yoongi it was cringe-worthy to look at his friends sitting next to each other, both red as tomatoes.

What was funnier, was that Yoongi got along with Jimin really quickly and Taehyung had fun when he was looking at Jeongguk who was eating his fries and sending daggers at the two when they couldn’t stop talking about producing. Jimin was a little interested in it for a few months now and Yoongi, Taehyung knew when it came to music, he could talk about it for hours.

Taehyung kicked Jeongguk in the shin when he couldn’t take his eyes off Yoongi and Jimin, and had started staining his t-shirt with ketchup because he wasn’t looking where exactly he was pouring it. Taehyung pointed it out and Jeongguk got even redder in the face. He took a few napkins and messily wiped off the mess.

Taehyung had actually chuckled when Jeongguk put his arm around Jimin’s shoulders, looking at Yoongi with a warning. Taehyung gained the attention to himself then but he tried to shake it off as he gulped half of his glass of water.

Of course, more interesting than ridiculously acting Jeongguk, was listening to Yoongi’s excited voice, so soon Taehyung found himself staring at him and listening to his words fully.

“I don’t really get it either, Jimin. Sometimes I just feel the words coming at me and I need to write them down or I’ll go crazy. It’s been like this since I was a teenager,” Yoongi explained after one of Jimin’s question about his lyrics. Jimin grimaced at Yoongi’s words and bit on his lip.

“It has never happened to me. I can’t glue anything together to actually make a sense out of it. And don’t get me started on rhymes,” he mumbled with frustration and Yoongi smiled at him.

“I don’t know, I just feel it.” He sighed and patted Jimin on the shoulder across the table. “Give yourself some time,” Yoongi reassured Jimin with a small smile plastered on his face.

Then, he unconsciously looked around and met Taehyung’s big eyes on him, clearly studying his features. Something akin to tenderness appeared in Yoongi’s eyes.

“You ok?” he whispered softly.

Taehyung blinked at him, his lips slightly open when he said, “Yeah.”

 

“Hanging out together was fun,” Taehyung had stated later on their way home and Yoongi nodded.

“Right, your friends are nice. Although, I don’t think Jeongguk said a word. He was looking at Jimin the whole time,” Yoongi said, reaching for Taehyung’s hand. When he finally grabbed it, it was so warm. He could let himself to do this, it was late in the evening and there was no one in the sight.

“Sometimes he does that,” Taehyung said, intertwining their fingers and smiling to himself. He felt like gaps between Yoongi’s ones were created just for his own fingers to slip in there.

“I was wondering how long they were together,” Yoongi voiced it out thoughtfully and looked at Taehyung who started giggling behind his free hand.

“They aren’t,” he acknowledged Yoongi as he started tracing little circles with his thumb on Yoongi’s palm.

Yoongi looked at him, wide-eyed. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am. They are so stupid. Jimin draws gross little doodles and slips them into Guk’s locker almost every day as his secret admirer. I have no idea how Jeongguk hasn’t recognized them, yet. And he makes those heart eyes at Jimin all the time.”

“Since you know this, why don’t you, I don’t know, help them?” Yoongi quirked up an eyebrow at him and Taehyung shrugged, smiling.

“It’s fun to watch how dense they are.”


***



“Yoongi?”

“Yeah?”

“It was fun, right?”

“Mhm.”

“See, we are normal. This is normal.”


***



Usually, when Taehyung didn’t try to hide anything, he was really easy to read. And since everything between him and Yoongi was fixed, he was exploding with his happiness (Yoongi secretly adored the fact that he was standing behind all of this). So it shouldn’t be a surprise that someone actually noticed Taehyung’s good mood.

And yet, there he was, laughing nervously and gripping tightly on his glass of juice after his mother asked, “You’re glowing lately, Taehyung. Is that a girl, maybe?”

She sounded so hopeful, Taehyung almost choked on his juice, trying to come up with some response. It was Yoongi who made him happy but his mother only thought he was his tutor, she didn’t even know Taehyung wasn’t into girls. It broke his heart because she didn’t know about so many things. But he had to lie, he wasn’t ready to spill the truth, not yet.

“Is it a sin to be happy just because?” he asked, catching his mother off guard. She blinked a few times before she smiled at him again, this time more intimately, softly.

“Of course not.”

Taehyung returned the smile back and his throat became a little drier than it had been before.

Not yet.


***



Weeks passed by, seasons changed and Taehyung was still utterly and profoundly head over heels for Yoongi. He didn’t complain, though. It was nice, feeling that there was someone by his side who wanted to be with him, who wanted to share secrets and time, and smiles with him. He felt warm, he felt comfortable and it only could get better, probably.

“Jimin?”

“Yeah?” Jimin asked, not looking up from his drawing.

“Which is better, Min Taehyung or Kim Yoongi?” Taehyung’s voice sounded too serious to make Jimin laugh. He frowned at him, mouthing really? as Taehyung blushed deeply and started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Jimin let out a groan and rolled his eyes while Jeongguk spoke, “This is so gross, hyung. You will probably break up before you can get married. Also, gay marriage isn’t legal here, so this is stupid.”

“You are stupid,” Taehyung retorted, scrunching his nose at how childish this whole conversation was. “I only wanted to test it, to ask my friends for their opinions. Why do you have to ruin everything with your bitterness?” he whined to himself, throwing his arms in the air. He swears, he hates them. “There’s no fun with you both.”

“Chill,” Jeongguk jabbed him slightly in the ribs, sending a toothy grin his way.

“Actually, I was thinking about inviting him to the prom,” Taehyung informed them after a while, breaking the soothing silence between them.

“What?” Jimin spoke, taken-aback. He shifted in place, coming closer to Taehyung.

“He won’t agree,” Jeongguk said then, jutting his chin forward, his voice as serious as it gets and he squinted a little.

“How do you know?” Taehyung asked, tilting his head to the side, curiosity filling his eyes. Sometimes he was so naïve.

“Tae, Jeongguk is right. As much as I’d like to tell you everything will be okay, the truth is, he won’t go with you. He is scared of telling his friends about this, so how can you see him dancing around with a boy, in his old school, in front of many people he knows? It’s not going to happen,” Jimin explained, ruffling Taehyung hair in an attempt of reassuring him.

“But I can try,” Taehyung replied, stubbornness painted on his face.

“Yeah, although, is it worth you feeling rejected once again?”

“Yoongi is worth everything,” Taehyung breathed out, feeling heat creeping up his neck. The moment he said those words, he knew how ridiculous he sounded, he didn’t need the pity in Jimin and Jeongguk’s eyes to prove it. He groaned. “I’m just stupid.”

“You are,” Jeongguk agreed, earning a smack in the head from Jimin. “But that’s not your fault, duh.” Jeongguk looked at Jimin, anticipating some kind of acceptance but Jimin only rolled his eyes.


***



Taehyung should have known that Yoongi wouldn’t agree but still, this little amount of hope was telling him to at least ask. And when was there a better occasion to do this, than their anniversary-but-not-really? (It was their eighth month together and since Taehyung was the first one to celebrate things like this, it was quite a must to call it an anniversary.)

The atmosphere around them was relaxing and Yoongi’s smell was intoxicating for Taehyung and he just couldn’t get enough of the older boy. They were chatting quietly, touching each other gently from time to time.

“I wanted to be an actor since I was nine, you know,” Taehyung whispered to the crook of Yoongi’s neck. They were talking about their dreams, quite cliché but since Yoongi accepted Taehyung’s decision, he wanted to know everything about it, to be sure his boyfriend wouldn’t change his mind (and just because he craved for every small detail of Taehyung, but nobody had to know that).

They decided to spend their day out of Seoul again, this time bringing with each other blanket so they could easily lay down on the ground, their limbs entwined, and just enjoy themselves, looking up lazily at the sky and whispering their secrets to the wind.

“Why did you hold it back for so long, then?” Yoongi shifted a little, eventually facing Taehyung. Their breaths mixed immediately and Taehyung blushed, overwhelmed by their closeness. He looked down at Yoongi’s neck, the bruise he left there few days ago became paler and Taehyung felt the sudden urge to make it bloom again.

“I didn’t want to disappoint my parents,” he said, his voice barely above the whisper.

“What changed?” Yoongi asked with curiosity.

Taehyung didn’t even spare Yoongi a glance when he said, “I met you.” Oh dear, wasn’t someone a little bit too cheesy? But okay, it was Taehyung and Taehyung was a hopeless romantic since forever. Blame Disney for it.

Yoongi almost choked on air. “I only teach you math,” he stated, frowning.

“Yeah, but.” Taehyung shrugged at the complete loss of words. He felt embarrassed and didn’t know how not to make this moment even worse. “You make me believe I can do things, that I’m not trapped in people’s expectations of me.”

Yoongi chuckled, pushing Taehyung’s fluffy hair back and ran fingers through it, at the same time pecking Taehyung on the forehead. “And there I was, thinking that you are the brave one out of the two of us.”

Taehyung looked at him, confused. “Why?”

 

“You seem to be so carefree, so reckless, not scared of anything and sometimes I wish I could be like this, too.” Yoongi sighed, looking away. The moment was getting too sentimental for his liking.

“I guess we are both brave in different aspects of our lives. I don’t really care about what others think of me because in the end of the day, it’s my life, isn’t it? Maybe I was a little scared of disappointing my parents, still am, but I want to try for myself once in my life.”

Yoongi nodded and immediately sat up, shaking Taehyung off him. Taehyung looked at him surprised. Yoongi didn’t say any word and reached for Taehyung’s backpack.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked when Yoongi unzipped it and started rummaging between his notebooks.

“Need to write something down,” Yoongi mumbled. “It’s so messy in here, Taehyung, you should clean it up,” he commented, almost putting his nose into the backpack and suddenly something hit Taehyung and he got up hurriedly.

He let out the loud gasp when Yoongi pulled a handful amount of creased sheets in his right hand and a single notebook in the left one.

“What?” Yoongi looked at him with confusion and eyed the sheets. “We are going to throw it somewhere on our way home,” he said, placing the trash on the one of his sides and opening the notebook. Taehyung knew he was screwed in the moment Yoongi looked at the insides of the notebook in horror and Taehyung pursed his lips in a thin line, blushing wildly and cursing under his breath.

Yoongi raised one of the sheets up then, unwrapping it, his brows furrowed and Taehyung wished the ground would swallow up him right there and then when he saw little hearts drawn over the paper. Tips of Yoongi’s ears became pink and he sucked on air, feeling a little embarrassed but it was nothing in comparison to how Taehyung felt.

Yoongi checked all the sheets and almost every one of them had something drawn or written connected to him. Then he went over through Taehyung’s notebook.

“The things here,” he breathed out, looking at Taehyung who was nearly dying at this point, his heart thumping like crazy in his chest. “They are from a few months ago, before we even started having lessons,” he deadpanned and Taehyung groaned.

He sat cross-legged and hid his flushed face behind his hands, making incoherent noises. He felt Yoongi shifting, getting closer until their knees touched.

“Tae, how long have you been writing those Min Taehyung things in your notebooks?” he cooed, trying to pull Taehyung’s hands from his face. However, Taehyung was persistent and he only flinched at the sound of Yoongi browsing through his other notebooks. At least he hasn’t seen the little poems Taehyung used to write about him.

“Oh, this is some cute shit over here, Taehyung. I need to keep that and read before my performances.” Yoongi looked at Taehyung’s hunched form and smiled to himself, grabbing him by his wrists and this time, pulling with more force.

When he finally took Taehyung’s hands off his face, he looked him over, “How long?” he asked softly and quietly, taking Taehyung’s hands in his and intertwining their fingers. Taehyung didn’t dare to look up and he bit the inside of his cheek. Yoongi shook him delicately, nudging him on the jaw with his nose. “How long?” he repeated, trying to catch Taehyung’s eyes.

“Three years,” Taehyung slurred in response, trying to escape Yoongi’s grip.

“What? I couldn’t hear you.” Yoongi grinned and Taehyung whined, looking up at the sky, wondering why he had to go through such an embarrassment.

“Three years,” he said eventually, trying to breathe normally when Yoongi’s eyes widened at the statement. The boy looked mesmerized. Taehyung could feel blood rushing in his ears when he caught the glimpse of Yoongi’s stare.

“Wow, who could expect someone would willingly waste so much time on me,” Yoongi had whispered, out of breath, before he pinned Taehyung down, and for that he squeaked. Yoongi started peppering kisses all over his face, smiling widely at the revelation. Taehyung shut his eyes tightly, an ugly grimace on display, pouting when Yoongi continued despite his little protests. He was so ashamed.

When Yoongi eventually stopped assaulting Taehyung with his mouth and pulled away, just slightly so their noses were still brushing, Taehyung peeked an eye open at him, feeling the tips of his ears burning.

“You aren’t mad?” he asked in a weak voice.

“How could I be? Namjoon was right when he said some kid was staring at me.” Yoongi smirked at Taehyung. “If you wrote things like this only a few months ago, I’m wondering how your notebooks looked during these past three years,” Yoongi said thoughtfully and Taehyung squinted his eyes at him.

“I’m burning them all before your next visit,” he stated, trying to push Yoongi away. But then Yoongi kissed him breathtakingly and well, his attempts became pointless and his limbs were like jelly.

Taehyung was pretty sure Yoongi was going to tease him about it a lot but he came to the terms he didn’t care that much.

When they calmed down a little, Taehyung decided to finally ask Yoongi. He thought that after Yoongi was in such a good mood it could go well. His hopes were probably too high. Wishful thinking and all that stuff.

“Yoongi?” Taehyung asked, propping his chin on Yoongi’s chest and looking him in the eyes. Yoongi hummed in response, giving him the signal that even though he had closed eyes, he was listening. “Would you go to the prom with me?” he said, biting nervously his bottom lip.

Taehyung noticed Yoongi’s body tensing as he was processing his words and without looking at Taehyung, he shortly answered, “No.”

The need to swallow the sudden bitterness appeared in Taehyung’s mind as he looked away from Yoongi’s face. He knew it was childish of him, thinking that Yoongi actually could agree but it was going so well between them lately that Taehyung assumed something maybe changed in Yoongi’s attitude. He was too naïve, sure, but also too caught up in his own thoughts to notice Yoongi’s real reasons for it. Shame.


***



“This is only prom, Taehyung, nothing big,” Jimin tried to solace him later through the phone.

“It’s something big for me.”

“Yeah, living the teenage dream.” Jimin snorted.

“I always watched how proms looked like in the movies and I wanted mine to be like this, too,” Taehyung admitted, whining a little.

“Movies are lies, Taehyung. You’re such a hopeless romantic but you should know that exerting pressure on Yoongi hyung to come out won’t end good.”

“I know.”

“Give him some time or maybe a lot. You said that he is worth everything and I guess waiting for him to be ready should be included. Be patient, it will pay off,” he assured Taehyung. After not receiving any response, he added, “And for the prom, you can join me and Jeongguk. It won’t be as romantic as you want but we can hold hands and dance with you as the substitute of Yoongi hyung.”

Taehyung gasped. “Are you going with Jeongguk?” The shock was audible in his voice.

“Yeah, we losers need to stick together. I don’t have a pair nor does he, so.”

“Wow, you are both idiots,” Taehyung commented, earning an irritated shriek from Jimin.

“I know.” And then Taehyung heard something akin to a knock. He wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin smacked himself in the face.


***



Noticing that something in Taehyung’s mood was dimmed since Yoongi’s disagreement to his proposition wasn’t a big problem for Yoongi, to be honest. Taehyung’s sadness was very specific and noticeable, probably because naturally he was a very cheerful person in general. Whenever Taehyung felt down, he was acting like a scolded puppy, making big eyes and spacing out for a while when his dark thoughts took control over him. Also, the fact that small things, not really relevant for others, could make Taehyung sad was pretty clear for Yoongi. One time Taehyung had missed a Disney movie marathon and moped around because of it for almost two days until Jimin organized a Disney movie night at his house just to make his best friend happy again. Since then, Yoongi was aware of how fragile Taehyung really was and how he could be affected when something didn’t go like he wanted it to.

The idea of how to make things up to Taehyung came up suddenly and unexpectedly, when Yoongi’s roommate left Seoul to visit his family. Yoongi knew how much Taehyung liked to spend time when there was only the two of them and he was sure it could cheer Taehyung up at least a little. Sure, Yoongi couldn’t give him what Taehyung wanted but some kind of substitute should work out, too.

“A sleepover?” Taehyung asked hesitantly, gnawing unconsciously at his thumb. He heard Yoongi humming on the other side.

“My roommate, Seokjin, is out of the town and I thought we could be together for a while. Although, if you don’t want to…” Yoongi said trying to sound nonchalant but on the inside he was feeling kind of nervous, he didn’t know why, though.

“I’d love to,” Taehyung admitted and Yoongi breathed out heavily. Taehyung smiled to himself at the thought that Yoongi could feel anxious because of this.

Officially, Taehyung was spending his weekend at Jimin’s. It wasn’t so hard to convince Taehyung’s parents to agree and Taehyung could breathe a sigh of relief when his mother only told him to behave.

It wasn’t the first time he was in Yoongi’s apartment but it was the first time when he wasn’t there as his student. It was the first time they were supposed to spend whole two days and a night together. Taehyung started feeling butterflies filling his stomach at the thought. He knew they wouldn’t do anything sexual, though, but he couldn’t ignore the wave of excitement hitting him every single time Yoongi touched him a little longer.

They were mostly chilling, talking, their bodies pressed almost all the time, nothing really extreme. Although, something in the way Yoongi kept glancing at Taehyung when they were watching a sappy romcom he had chosen for them, made his heart flutter. Yoongi was paying extra attention to him the whole time. Taehyung could bet Yoongi didn’t even know what the movie was about.

Later, in the evening, when they felt hungry, Taehyung insisted on making pancakes. Unfortunately, they burned them because Yoongi felt distracted by Taehyung licking the chocolate cream from the spoon all the time, and pressed him against the counter before he kissed him deeply, tasting the sweetness on his tongue.

They pulled away in the moment the awful smell reached their noses. Nevertheless, Taehyung ate almost all of them, making Yoongi smile widely at his attempts of humoring him.

“They are shitty,” Taehyung stated, taking another bite into his stuffed mouth. “But I love them,” he added, after he had swallowed everything.

There was the possibility of Taehyung having food poisoning and Yoongi had worriedly hinted it before the meal, but Taehyung assured him that he had eaten worse things.

All of this was so domestic for Taehyung, so perfect, he was overwhelmed by it. The emotions hit him the most in the moment Yoongi wrapped his arms around his waist late in the night, their legs tangled together. Yoongi nuzzled Taehyung’s neck, kissing him softly over there and then whispered a goodnight before he drifted off. Taehyung couldn’t stop smiling when Yoongi’s grip tightened around him and he felt so loved at the moment even if it wasn’t love, yet.

Sleeping and waking up beside Yoongi could become Taehyung’s new hobby.

They literally spent most of their next day in the bed, not able to take their hands off each other.

“What happened to Min don’t-touch-me Yoongi?” Taehyung asked, smirking mischievously while Yoongi was moving his hands across Taehyung’s thighs, raising goosebumps all over his skin.

“You tell me,” Yoongi retorted, pouting and Taehyung couldn’t resist the urge to kiss it away. He bent down, feeling shivers going down his spine when Yoongi had grabbed him by his hips. The kiss was sweet and chaste at first, until things got heated up and their tongues joined in a wild dance, chasing each other when one of them wanted to tease.

They were both breathing hard through their noses and Taehyung was holding onto the headboard with his one hand so he wouldn’t eventually crash on Yoongi. They were touching each other’s torsos, exploring one another’s bodies. They got rid of their t-shirts, much earlier, not really ashamed or embarrassed.

Taehyung’s lips moved down to Yoongi’s jaw and a moment later began to make wet traces on Yoongi’s skin, down to his neck. Yoongi’s neck was one of Taehyung’s favorite parts of his body. It was so pale and looked beautiful whenever he left hickeys there. And something in marking Yoongi up like that made Taehyung tremble. He discovered earlier that Yoongi’s skin was very sensitive and looked endearing whenever Taehyung decided to attack it (which happened often).

He sucked on Yoongi’s skin, making him groan. Taehyung inhaled Yoongi’s scent in, humming to himself while grinding down on him. He did a few more bruises along Yoongi’s neck and a few on his chest, their skin never stopping touching.

They liked doing this, almost reaching each other’s limits, feeling how they made themselves aroused through the underwear or jeans and then stopping. Taehyung had accepted that Yoongi didn’t want to go further yet, and he took everything he could from moments like this.

He straightened on Yoongi, panting slightly and feeling something hard down there, trying to ignore the need of any friction, and grinned widely at Yoongi, getting a gummy smile in return. Taehyung looked down, then, feeling the blush creeping on his cheeks. The bruises were blossoming on Yoongi’s skin, their dark shade beautifully contrasting with Yoongi’s paleness.

“Enjoying the view?” Yoongi asked, smirking ever so slightly while Taehyung put a finger to one of the biggest bruises, right beside the little mole on Yoongi’s neck, and he sighed. When their eyes met, Taehyung felt himself falling for the fondness in Yoongi’s stare. The silence between them lasted for a few longer moments, though still felt comfortable. After a while, knowing that Taehyung wasn’t too light for Yoongi’s form to bear, he placed himself next to Yoongi, instead. He took his hand and entwined their fingers, humming to himself thoughtfully.

“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate,” Taehyung whispered, playing with Yoongi’s hand. Yoongi looked at him, confused, with furrowed brows.

“What?”

“Did you know that Shakespeare wrote sonnets to his male lover?” Taehyung asked, ignoring Yoongi’s frown.

“Yeah, I heard that there was some gay shit going, why?” Yoongi scratched awkwardly the back of his neck and Taehyung giggled.

“I just recited you a fragment from one of his works for this guy, it’s a pretty popular one,” Taehyung informed Yoongi, smiling to himself when Yoongi gasped. “It’s not even confirmed if they had romance, though. They could be only friends, you know. But I don’t know if I could describe Jimin’s beauty like Shakespeare did with this guy as only a friend.” He huffed. “What’s in the brain that ink may character which hath not figured to thee my true spirit? What’s new to speak, what now to register, that may express my love or my dear merit? Nothing, sweet boy–“ Taehyung paused at the sudden knock on the door. Yoongi tensed immediately, sitting up and letting go of Taehyung’s hand. Taehyung looked at him in confusion, jutting his chin forward.

“Yoongs, open, I know you’re here. Need something!” They heard the voice, audible through the thin door. Yoongi looked frightened, with wide eyes and lips slightly opened. He got up, trembling by each movement and got closer to Taehyung.

“You need to hide,” he muttered, grabbing Taehyung by wrists and dragging him in the bathroom’s direction. He threw him there rapidly, ignoring the scared look on Taehyung’s face and he locked him inside, trying to calm himself down.

When he opened the door, facing Namjoon, his expression was motionless, though, his heart was racing in his chest, he was scared Namjoon could sense it.

Yoongi let him in, ignoring his lingering stare on his chest and neck.

“Wow, someone had a lot of fun, hmm?” Yoongi shrugged. “Can’t wait to finally meet her,” Namjoon said, clearly searching for something in Yoongi’s living room.

“Yeah, sure, what are you looking for?”

“My headphones are kind of…” Namjoon paused, looking for a good word.

“Fucked up?” Yoongi managed to help, pressing his body against doorframe and crossing his arms over his chest.

“I thought I could borrow yours,” Namjoon said and let out an ‘aha!’ once he spotted aforementioned headphones. “I was thinking we could spend some time together, work on tracks or something, but,” he chuckled, ”apparently you are busy. She’s here, isn’t she?” Namjoon asked, looking somewhere behind Yoongi, shit-eating grin on display.

Yoongi snorted. “Are you expecting her to pop out behind me from nowhere?” He frowned, trying to act cool. He could do it.

“Maybe. I’m just curious, you know. I don’t remember having you a girlfriend. We just want to know who makes you happy.” Namjoon shrugged, smiling softly and something in Yoongi broke.

“We?” he asked, his throat tight all of sudden.

“Me, Hoseok, other guys,” Namjoon explained, passing by Yoongi. “Just, good to know someone is taking care of you, that’s all,” he added before he left, slamming the door a little too hard.

Yoongi breathed out and started massaging his temples, feeling so vulnerable. It was ridiculous and he didn’t know how to deal with everything, with all these lies haunting him for a few years now.

Then he remembered about Taehyung.

Fuck.

When he unlocked the doors and opened it widely, Taehyung was curled up on the floor, not even daring to look up at him. He stood up and passed Yoongi.

Taehyung went to grab some of his clothes and put his shirt on. Yoongi slowly came up to him, patting him on the shoulder, unsure.

“Everything okay?” he asked in a small voice, scrunching his eyebrows in worry. Taehyung almost laughed at his tone. Almost.

He tried to ignore Yoongi’s earlier grab on his arm, painfully ghosting on his skin. But he couldn’t ignore how he felt after the whole situation. “Your friends think that you have a girlfriend,” he stated.

“Yeah, I needed to come up with some excuse for all these marks and our dates.”

Taehyung snorted, looking down at his hands. “I feel like your filthy, little secret, Yoongi,” he said bitterly, trying to calm his breathing.

Yoongi pressed himself to Taehyung’s back in an instant, wrapping his arms around his shoulders tightly and desperately trying to reassure him while giving him kisses all over his neck.

“You aren’t,” he muttered even though it wasn’t fully the truth and Taehyung was so painfully aware of it, he could feel himself shattering under Yoongi’s touch and it was too much all of sudden.

But he understood, intended to. He knew how Yoongi was scared and didn’t want to force him to come out or choose between him and something else. It was Yoongi’s life and decision after all, Taehyung only played a little part of it and it wasn’t his role to tell Yoongi what to do. Although, it still fucking hurt and he didn’t know how much of it he could stand, he was too weak for it.


***



After this, something was off in their relationship. It was becoming a little bit tiring for Taehyung. How continuously they were in an endless process of making up just before it went to hell once again. He even found himself looking for the next setback, expecting some bad things to happen.

Yoongi was trying, Taehyung noticed, but nothing could change how he acted with Taehyung overall and with time, Yoongi became a little paranoid – if he hadn’t already been before. Yoongi was insisting that it was protection from something like Namjoon’s situation repeating itself, because guilt of the possibility he could hurt Taehyung was eating him up since then.

But Taehyung was just so tired.

It was almost a year of hiding and he thought it was supposed to be better with more time but he decided that their relationship was easier at the very beginning. Perhaps that’s because at the beginning they were barely aware of each other’s flaws.

Patience with Yoongi was hard, it’s not like the fact they had to be discreet about whole thing bothered Taehyung. He respected Yoongi’s decision. Although, with new fear, Yoongi pushed Taehyung away more often instead of talking with him.

Taehyung thought he broke through Yoongi’s walls but apparently, Yoongi was still as closed as he was when they started dating. Just Taehyung was more blinded by their romance to notice it back then. He knew Yoongi, he really did, but nonetheless, he couldn’t really reach him and whenever he did, Yoongi easily slipped from Taehyung’s loose grip.

The thought that they were too different for each other crossed Taehyung’s mind more than a few times since the Namjoon accident. But not even once he wanted to break things off between them. He really wanted to try, especially after all this shit. Taehyung had grown too attached to Yoongi to just waste it because of some things he didn’t like about him. It could work out, he believed.

He realized that Yoongi’s tough attitude was only a façade and he was as fragile as Taehyung inside, if not even more. It was a little heartbreaking even, because Taehyung could see with his own eyes how self-conscious and scared Yoongi was whenever Taehyung caught him looking at him. Like Yoongi was afraid Taehyung will leave him soon. And so Yoongi was tiptoeing around Taehyung, being aware of how he screwed up. It was nerve-wracking and the fact that they didn’t feel at ease with each other anymore was awful. Taehyung just wanted Yoongi to let fucking go of worries because he wouldn’t disappear but Yoongi was too suffocated by his own guilt to actually pay attention to Taehyung.

“You can touch me, you know that?” Taehyung had snapped one time after Yoongi’s glances became annoying and his hesitant touches were too much to handle.

The only response he received was Yoongi scooting closer to him, with wide eyes. Of course until he heard someone walking up the stairs.

Yoongi’s fear of losing Taehyung and constant distress of someone finding out about them were colliding and there was no help for it.

Then again, Yoongi was trying.

 

The prominent disaster happened the day Yoongi supposed everything was going be okay again.

He hesitantly invited Taehyung, Jimin and Jeongguk to his performance – a thing he never did since they were together. Taehyung decided it was progressive of him. Yoongi, on the other hand, just wanted things to be fine, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t just come back to things before the moment he had thrown Taehyung to this bathroom (and it was a fucking sleepover that was supposed to lighten up Taehyung’s mood for god’s sake, how many chances Taehyung could give him before he had enough?) and he felt like their relationship was coming to an end and he could feel his heart being broken. But he was just too messed up to fix it properly.

So he risked it and oh boy, how wrong it was of him. If only he knew the aftermath of it.

It wasn’t the first time Taehyung came to Yoongi’s performance, just to be clear. He used to be his big fanboy back in the days. But since they started dating, he felt like it wouldn’t be fair towards Yoongi if he sneaked out there without telling him. No matter how many performances he had missed, he preferred Yoongi trusting him more (and giving him private shows).

The usual place for all underground rappers to show off their talents was pretty stuffed. If not for the fact that Taehyung was there with his friends and he knew that Yoongi was close, he would feel a rise of panic. He never really was a fan of crowded places. He had used to drag Jimin on their night escapades before, when Jeongguk was too young. His friend had been always in reach whenever he felt like suffocating. And now he felt mostly calm about it, but more importantly, thrilled. Taehyung couldn't stand in place because the excitement was tingling all over his skin.

Yoongi was like an animal on stage, making Taehyung feel light headed (and maybe a little turned on but Taehyung would never admit it out loud). His moves and the way he was spilling words to the microphone – it was all mesmerizing. Taehyung felt enchanted and the passion vibrating from Yoongi was sending him on the edge, of what, he didn’t know. He just kept swaying with the crowd.

It was apparent, Yoongi was born to be on stage.

All Taehyung wanted to do now, was to yell at the top of his lungs that damn, it’s his boyfriend. The girls who were following Yoongi’s every movement like hypnotized dolls could only dream and it was great, too.

Normally, Taehyung would stay in the crowd and watch other artists but this time, Yoongi said that he and his friends could visit him backstage after he was done and Taehyung couldn’t resist the urge to just congratulate Yoongi. Without a particular reason, just because he was hilarious and he made all those people high on his tracks.

Taehyung was a little bit ahead from Jimin and Jeongguk, too excited to wait for them to catch up with him. Taehyung’s steps became faster as they turned the corner and he noticed a sweat drenched Yoongi, all glowing and smiling. He was wiping his forehead off with a towel, addressing something to someone on the side – it wasn’t audible for Taehyung because of the general noise around them – when Taehyung shouted and ran to him, his arms spread widely and his boxy grin on display.

From then, everything happened quickly–

Yoongi just as turned his head and his face went blank immediately to become mortified in the split second Taehyung had reached him and wrapped his arms around his neck. The reaction of Yoongi’s body was faster than his mind’s, nothing new in a situation like this, and he forcefully pushed Taehyung away.

He came back to his senses as Taehyung let out a cry and fuck, please, no.

Taehyung was on the floor, looking at Yoongi with anger and a note of humiliation and fear, all red over his face.

Yoongi had the feeling like everything was going too slow for a change, like time just stopped and he was on the verge of tears. And from how rapidly Taehyung was blinking and rubbing at his eyes as he stood up, Yoongi could tell, Taehyung was nearly crying, too.

“What the fuck, Yoongi?” Taehyung shrieked and his face was full of hurt, it was worse for Yoongi than if someone had stabbed him. “I didn’t even kiss you, I only wanted to hug. Am I not allowed to touch you at all?” Taehyung choked on air, trying to fight the sobs escaping his chest, unsuccessfully.

Yoongi thought his heart was going to jump off his chest from how rapidly it was beating. “Taehyung, I…” He raised his hand up and tried to reach Taehyung, to keep him from running. But Taehyung only took a step back from him, eyeing his hand and then looked at Yoongi with disgust and Yoongi felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I’m so tired of this, I’m tired…” Taehyung was breathing heavily and–

“Dude, what’s going on?” Yoongi turned around just to see Hoseok and Namjoon, both startled.

“Why did you push this guy like that?” Hoseok asked, wide-eyed and Yoongi couldn’t find words to explain any of that. After a few seconds he heard Taehyung snorting and he turned to him again, feeling his hands shaking. He wanted to throw up, everything around him was blurry.

“Are you okay, Tae?” Jimin asked with concern and just then Yoongi realized how many people witnessed this fucking mess.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Taehyung said through gritted teeth with venom and Yoongi flinched at his tone. “You won’t say anything?” Taehyung asked, poking him on the chest and Yoongi only looked at him, not able to speak. He was feeling nauseous.

“I’m asking again, what is going on?” Namjoon repeated, looking from Taehyung and Yoongi and after a second a recognition appeared on his face. “Aren’t you this kid Yoongs is tutoring?”

“Yeah, and Yoongi’s mysterious girlfriend, nice to meet you,” Taehyung spilled out, dryly, not looking away from Yoongi’s face. There was a gasp, maybe two. And after another minute without Yoongi’s response, Taehyung had enough and he felt too exhausted and everything became too much. He didn’t want to cry in front of all those people.

Apparently, he was shaking because he only realized it when Jeongguk and Jimin wrapped their arms around his middle and tried to drag him from there.

“Come on, Tae, we should go,” Jeongguk said, not taking a no for an answer.

“He’s not worth it,” Jimin added, glaring at Yoongi’s frozen form.

Call him pathetic, but Taehyung cried himself to sleep this night. It wouldn’t have hurt that much if Yoongi at least said something. But he remained silent, without at least a sorry.