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The Snowman

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It was snowing in Willoughby, which wasn't impossible, but considering the clear weather they had the previous evening, it was damn improbable and odd. The gang ventured out of the house, letting the snowflakes fall on their uncovered heads, like cold, chaste kisses.

"Has anyone seen Miles?" Rachel asked, trying not to sound alarmed.

"Not since last night," Charlie answered, frowning. "Do you think he's-?"

"Umm… Guys?" Bass called them from behind the house. "You need to come see this." Rachel, Charlie and Aaron stomped through the piling snow, as they made their way towards him. Bass motioned with his head towards a large snowman that was as tall as he was.

"You wanted to show us a snowman?" Aaron asked.

'I'm not a freaking snowman!', they heard the indignant exclamation in their heads.

"Did you guys hear that?" Charlie asked, her blue eyes widening. "I heard it, in my head- it sounds-"

"Like Miles," Rachel agreed, scrutinizing the snowman.

"Oh good, so I'm not going crazy," Bass said relieved.

'This is all Aaron's fault!'

"My fault?" Aaron squeaked. "How is this my fault? I didn't do anything!"

'You're Lord of the Fireflies, you must have done something,' snowman Miles "said". 'Suddenly we get snow out of nowhere and next thing you know, I'm a snowman!'

"I thought you said you weren't a snowman?" Bass grinned.

'Not funny Bass!'

"It's a little bit funny," Bass countered cheekily.

'You need to fix this!' Miles yelled in their heads. 'Now!'

"How?" Aaron asked. "I have no idea how you turned into a snowman in the first place!"

"Healing wounds, bringing people back from the dead is one thing," Rachel said contemplatively. "But turning a person into an inanimate object that's still sentient… That's kind of a metaphysical change-"

'I don't care about your X-Files mumbo jumbo,' Miles snapped.

"Right, well clearly we need to go figure this out," Rachel said, grabbing Aaron's arm and walking away, muttering about grouchy voices in her head not being helpful.

Charlie and Bass stared at one another and at the snowman.

"You know," Bass said with a dangerous twinkle in his eye. "If people just see a snowman, they might destroy it; but if they see a cute snowman with like, buttons for eyes and shit, they might think twice about it."

"I think you're right," Charlie grinned at him.

'Don't you dare!'

"Sorry, man, but it's for your own good," Bass said, as the two headed back inside, leaving snowman Miles alone to quietly fume. They returned shortly with full arms and wide grins; they stuck on him black buttons for eyes, a scarf around the neck and started making a smile out of beads, before changing their minds and turning it into a scowl. Bass approached Miles with a carrot in his hand.

'Don't you dare stick that carrot on my face!' Miles warned.

"Where do you want me to stick it?" Bass asked innocently, getting a giggle out of Charlie. Rachel and Aaron returned and stared at snowman Miles, trying not to grin.

'This isn't a joke! What if I never turn back? You guys should be figuring out how to turn me back, instead of decorating me!'

"We've never encountered anything like this, it's against all the laws of physics- how exactly do you expect us to figure this out? According to you, this… Transformation happened unprovoked," Rachel reasoned. "And Aaron swears he didn't do anything, so hopefully the situation will resolve itself on its own."

Aaron edged away from the group and picked up a twig. "He's missing arms and maybe we can make a sword out of tinfoil."

'Come near me with that stick and I'll poke you with it.'

Bass sniggered.

'Not an innuendo, Bass!'

"God, I wish I had a camera," Bass smiled at him wistfully. "You look so cute."

'I'm going to kick your ass.'

"That might be hard, without any legs," Bass countered.

'I'll find a way! And when I'm back in my own body, I'll make sure you all pay for this!'

"What's going on here?" Gene asked in confusion, taking in the scene. "You guys built a snowman?"

"Miles somehow got turned into a snowman, he can talk to us in our heads and we have no idea how to change him back," Charlie explained to him in one breath. "We just… Added some stuff, for his own safety."

"Oh, I see," Gene said nonplussed, before turning his back and walking back inside, muttering about Mathesons and their crazy, headache-inducing shenanigans.