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Promising Future

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"Promising Future"

 

Chad is so fed up; eight torturous days and Jared was getting worse by every passing minute. He hates to see his best friend so miserable and completely out of sorts. So many assholes walking the planet and Jared was definitely not one of them who deserve what was thrown at him and yet his friend is the one suffering. Chad feels guilty for talking Jared into going out, because if he hadn't then maybe he'd never ended up in bed with Jensen in the first place.

Chad wants to kill the man, let him die a slow and painful death for how he mistreated Jared. But he is too busy taking care of his friend and making sure he is getting through this big disappointment.

Jared had always been against dating; too afraid he isn't good enough for anyone and it was Chad who told him that not every guy is the same and that Jared would definitely find his perfect match. If Chad had known how wrong he was he would have talked Jared out of dating Jensen. It is too late now. What's done is done. But Chad will be damned if he doesn't give everything to help his best friend.

A quick stop at a coffee shop and a bag full of candies later he makes his way to Jared's house. If the coffee won't find its way in Jared's system maybe the candy will but not even sweets were appealing to his friend these days. And that alone is saying enough about Jared's well-being. But Chad has to at least try because talking seems to be out of the question. Fact is, Jared didn't speak at all, ever since he told Chad about what happened. To say Chad is worried would be a major understatement. It's not that he knows how to handle a heartbroken Jared in the first place. Because Jared never really let a hook-up or a date grow into something more serious; nobody was allowed to reach Jared's heart so deep that they had power over his friend. Therefore a broken heart was never a problem. Until Jensen came along and took root in Jared's heart. And now, for the first time Chad has to solve the puzzle that is a more than just upset Jared.

~~~*~~~

When TJ was still a baby he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. Chad's father was the pediatrician who treated the little boy. Which was where Chad sometimes hung out, at the hospital; entertaining the kids in the children's ward until his dad finished his shift. Back then his classmates had always made fun of him for being the clown in school, pulling pranks and talking himself into trouble faster than the principal was able to call his parents. After his dad had had enough of the constant phone calls he knew grounding Chad wouldn’t be enough punishment so he taught him a lesson, dragged him to work and showed him that not everything in life was fun and bullshitting. His dad made him sit at the bed that was occupied by a pale and scared little girl. Her name was Haley, barely seven years old and such huge bags under her eyes that she looked as bad as Chad’s mother without her morning coffee. Haley had beautiful blonde hair, curls like an angel and if you looked past the dark spots around her eyes and the saddening frown of her whole face then you were able to get lost in the most stunning blue eyes anyone had ever seen.

“You spend your school days with nothing but causing negative attention, your grades are a disaster and you keep failing test after test. Everything is fun and games to you, son. You’re smarter than you let others think, you’ve got a lot of brain in that big head of yours and you’re using it to fail. Every day anew. I know you’re young and you want to enjoy your teenage years and that’s okay, I applaud that. How about you use some of that energy for a better and much more needed cause though?” His dad looked at him with a proud smile even though Chad knew his father was still mad at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Haley here, she’s very sick. All she’s asking for is to be ‘normal’ again, she wants to go to school, learn all the things that you believe are not necessary. I haven’t seen her smile in over two months, that’s how long she’s been here.”

“What’s wrong with her?” To be honest, Chad thought the girl looked like she was about to close her eyes and never wake up again. She winced in pain when she so much as moved her finger, her breathing was supported by machines and her forehead glistened with sweat.

“Leukemia.” His dad answered with a lot of professionalism but the wetness in his eyes didn’t stay unnoticed by Chad.

He knew what Leukemia was, heard his mom and dad talk about patients all the time when they thought he wasn’t listening. Chad sometimes thought that with all the hospital talk his folks offered he might be able to become a neurosurgeon without ever having to even look at a College.

Something had clicked inside Chad, he knew his dad was right, had always known but having fun was just too much… fun. But he would show his dad that he could do better and another thing he was certain of: he would make Haley smile again.

And boy did he make her smile. Well, first she cried – happy tears – and then she smiled, all big white teeth that were still too huge for her head. Chad had sneaked into one of the hospital’s conference rooms and, uh, borrowed one of the flip charts, including all the colorful pens he could find. If Haley couldn’t go to school, then school would come to her. And Chad was the teacher of her choice. At least that’s what he told her. The next day he had put on some fake glasses and a tie that was anything but tied perfect but it brought a light grin to her pink lips. Turned out she didn’t like grammar and literature at all. The day after that he rushed from school to the next costume shop and got himself a huge rainbow colored hat and when Hayley frowned at him he just smirked. “Today I’m gonna teach you everything there is to know about rainbows.” Her frown disappeared.

Every day after school he would show up with a different themed clothing, matching to what he was going to teach her and after two weeks she spoke to him for the very first time. “I like Dr. Seuss.” It came totally out of nowhere and had nothing to do with all the numbers he had scribbled on the flip chart but he knew what he had to do. It was a Friday when he finally found a place online that had the perfect Dr. Seuss costume. All dressed up and as many books as he could carry under his arms he entered her hospital room with a huge smile and this time it was returned. Hayley had to hold her belly she was laughing so hard. Probably at Chad instead of with him but he couldn’t care less. Carefully as to not disturb all the cables and machines hooked to her tiny body he climbed on the far end of the bed and rested his back against the headboard of the bed, it was lifted enough for both of them to sit and together they read book after book. He was awoken by a nurse who told him that Hayley had to call them because he was snoring too loud and she was afraid she might have to whack him with one of the books if he wouldn’t stop.

Weeks went by and everything was perfect and Hayley seemed so happy but when he entered her room she wasn’t there. Her bed empty and made. He knew this could only mean that she was… gone. He started crying, weeping and didn’t even know what was happening until his knees hit the floor and he curled in on himself, crying freely.

“Chad, hey! What’s going on?” One of the nurses came rushing to him.

“H-Hayley. What happened? Why her?” He was yelling and flailing, didn’t want the nurse to touch him. He grew so fond of the little girl, loved her like the little sister he never had.

“Oh boy. Hayley is fine. We’ve got a call this morning that they found a match, finally we have a bone marrow donor for her. She’s in surgery right now.”

Chad stared at the nurse for minutes, maybe even hours and then he flung himself at the older woman, sobbing happily into her scrubs and kept saying thank you to whoever was listening. Haley was okay, she was going to be fine, Chad knew the little girl was stronger than any doctor made her look because he saw the strength and sheer willpower to survive in her. Well, not when he first met her but she blossomed since he began teaching her and giving her more than one reason to smile and even laugh.

Hours later Chad’s father told him that they moved Haley to the ICU which is standard procedure after such a tricky surgery but he was confident in a sure recovery lying ahead of her.

Chad kept showing up at the hospital, even weeks after Haley had been released because there were more children that needed some serious cheering up and Chad found himself enjoying the happy faces of the kids more than anything. And of course he called Hayley’s parents at least once a week asking about the little girl he adopted as his little sister, even went as far as visiting her at least once a week. Costume and all.

At one point he was so exhausted from frolicking with all the kids that he slumped into a chair in the waiting are, right next to a teenager who was approximately his age and looked so sad and broken that Chad started talking and kept on babbling for almost an hour until his dad came in and addressed the teen; talking to him in a soothing and calm voice, telling him that his son is doing better. Apparently the guy had a kid already. Chad just shrugged at that; it wasn't any of his business if and at what age people became parents and the teen looked like a good guy, not that he said a word to Chad, but he was a good judge of character. He clapped the guy on the back, softly and told him that everything was going to be fine because his dad was a damn good doctor.

"He is right, you know? That's my son Chad by the way. And don't you worry, Jared. Your son'll be as good as new in a few days."

A week later TJ was released and Jared was all smiles and relief when he could finally take his son home. Chad just followed Jared to the main doors and pressed a crumbled paper in his hands with his number written on it. He told Jared to give him a call if he ever needed a friend or a babysitter in case Jared could use an extra hour of sleep. And Jared did call and ever since they were joined by the hip. When Chad turned twenty-one Jared asked him to be TJ's godfather. Chad did not cry. He didn't. No. Shut up.

Bag of gummy sweetness and cup of still steaming coffee in both hands Chad makes it to Jared's house without dropping either. The days of entertaining children were long over, now he is the hated fifth grade teacher who makes sure all his students suffer with way too much homework over the weekends. Now, however, it's time to go back into entertainer-mode; his best friend needs him more than anyone else. He would do anything that is required to put the heartbroken man back together. Somehow.

~~~*~~~

Jensen wakes slowly but then with a start, limbs protesting, aching, trapped. His left leg is giving him a hard time, it feels like needles torturing the fading scar from where he was probably laying on it for the whole night. The mental hurt of the reminder is making it seem worse than the actual physical pain really is.

The pain eases down when he realizes that he's not alone. Jared is with him. He's still there. Just like the younger man had promised. Jensen's face is pressed into Jared's solid chest, strong arms wrapped around his waist; gentle hands rubbing comfortable over his lower back.

"Morning." Jared's voice whispers into his hair, kissing the top of his head and letting his mouth linger there for a few more seconds.

Jensen wants to cry, either out of guilt for almost losing Jared over his own stupidity and grief or the pure happiness that washes through him because the younger man is definitely too good to be true; forgiving Jensen when he definitely didn't deserve it.

Jared pulls him closer then, "you're thinking too loud."

"I'm so sorry, Jay."

"I know you are.”

Jared's leaning down, big paws guiding Jensen's face to his own and Jensen can only stare. Jared still carries a sliver of hurt in his eyes and Jensen wishes he could take it away; turn back the time and tell the younger man everything, right from the beginning. He should have had more faith in Jared, should have know that Jared wouldn't judge him.

Jared leans in then, brushing his warm lips against Jensen's and it feels like a first kiss all over again. It's reserved and careful at first.

"We'll be okay." Jared breathes against Jensen's mouth before diving in again, this time with more longing and need.

Jensen can see how serious Jared is, how true Jared's words sound and he believes him; every word. They will be okay; maybe not right now because Jensen knows there are conversations to be faced but with Jared by his side Jensen can't be anything but optimistic about the future. And he'll make damn sure that Jared is a constant part in his future.

"What happened?" Jared asks suddenly and it's not until the younger man's thumb touches Jensen's left cheek that he understands what Jared's talking about. The touch makes his skin burn but he doesn't dare to flinch, doesn't want Jared to pull back; the contact needed so badly.

"Nothing I didn't deserve." Jensen croaks out.

"Jen, you've got a murder bruise. Who did this?"

"Doesn't matter. I asked for it. As in, I literally said 'punch me'."

Jared only nods at that but it is obvious how much he wants an answer yet he drops the subject; placing a soft kiss on the bruise instead.

"I'm starving. How about some breakfast? And a bag of peas for that black eye?" Jared asks but his body isn't on the same page. Jared tangles his legs with Jensen's, pushing himself closer and wrapping himself around Jensen. Even though Jensen's dick is starting to wake up and show interest in the embrace there is nothing sexual about their position. The fear of losing each other overpowering any physical and intimate need.

Long minutes pass until they eventually let go of one another and since Jensen fell asleep in his clothes from the day before Jared practically shoves him into the bathroom. No words are spoken, they understand each other without being verbal and Jensen is grateful that everything seems normal. Everything is normal, no secrets left. Garments are shed lazily, Jensen's eyes never leaving Jared's firm body.

Jared steps into the shower first, holding his hand out for Jensen to follow and Jensen plasters himself against Jared's back while the younger man adjusts the water.

Arms wrapped around Jared's waist, hands in a firm hold of Jared's chest and the burbling of the water the only sound in the room. Jensen kisses along Jared's slippery wet shoulders. These kisses aren't a promise for more, it's 'thank you' and 'sorry' and 'i love you'. Tears slip from Jensen's eyes and he's thankful that Jared doesn't see nor feel them but he should have known the other man can sense Jensen's emotional wall crumbling and turns around to face Jensen; pressing their lips together and just holding on; holding Jensen.

They kiss for a long time, basking in their shared love for each other. The pain from the last eight days washing slowly away, along with every drop of water that's escaping through the drain.

~~~*~~~

Jared is surprised to see his son already up and about when they get to the kitchen. Breakfast table set and coffee maker gurgling in the background. Jared has to suppress a chuckle when Jensen sighs behind him, so obviously craving some caffeine.

"Well well well, I guess I was right about breakfast for three." TJ smirks at the display of his dad smiling and Jensen leaning against Jared's side.

"Thank you, Tris." It's Jensen who addresses the teen and he hopes Tristan knows that he means more than just the breakfast.

Tristan nods at him; careful but not distant or wary yet without much emotion for Jensen to read if they'll be okay, too. Because he knows if he and Tristan won't be getting along or grudges being hold then Jared won't like it. At all.

Breakfast is nice, quiet but the silence is comfortable. Jensen misses their usual chatter, though he wouldn't complain because he's with Jared and hopefully everything will be back to normal someday soon. Tristan doesn't ignore him, doesn't say anything to trouble the situation.

Jensen can't hold back any longer and when he sees that Tristan is ready to leave the table he stops him, asks him to sit down again and without a word the teenager takes his seat again.

"I never meant to hurt your dad. Not him and not you. But I did and I'm very sorry for that." Jensen's voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks to Tristan and Jared gapes at him in surprise.

"If I could take it back and un-say it I would, believe me. I've been an idiot and an asshole. My reasons for why I've acted that way don't matter because they are no excuse for my behavior. It was totally out of line and your dad's a better man than I'll ever be, considering I'm still having a chance of sitting here with the both of you."

"Does that mean I have to apologize as well?" Tristan asks with a small smile tugging at his lips.

"You have nothing to be remotely sorry for, Tris."

"Why should you apologize, TJ? What's going on?" Jared interrupts and he looks between his son and Jensen until it all clicks. "Did you... Tristan Jeffrey Padalecki, did you give Jen that black eye?" Jared is obviously mad because if there's one thing he really hates it's violence of any kind but Jensen can't let the man scold his kid. And using Tristan’s full name is a sure fire warning for a bunch of scolding coming soon.

"Jared, it's okay."

"How is this okay?" Jared's voice rises and he's waving a hand to point out Jensen's bruise.

Tristan is fidgeting on his chair, eyes darting back and forth between the two men.

"I told you I asked for it and I meant it. Tris has never done anyone physical harm and you know he'd never hurt someone unless it's in self-defense... or you know, protect the ones he loves. I deserved it and honestly, I'd have done the same if I was him."

"You didn't tell on me?" Tristan looks at him, still surprised.

Jensen takes his eyes off of Jared and takes in Tristan's nervous stare. "No, of course not. And if you wouldn't have brought it up we'd be fine. Now I gotta sweet-talk your dad so he doesn't ground you." Jensen huffs in mock-annoyance and offers an eye roll on top of it to make him look more convincing.

Tristan still looks worried and Jensen knows that the teenager is sorry even though he has absolutely no reason to be. Uncomfortable silence faces the three of them until Jared bursts out laughing; the rumble coming so deep from his throat that it warms Jensen's heart more than he could put into words. God, he missed this; missed Jared.

"Let's... hear what you've got." Jared pants out, still laughing.

"Well then, that's my cue to go." Tristan chirps in and both men look at him before Jensen joins in to Jared's giggle-fit.

Everything looks normal, like they could really get past this until it doesn't anymore. Until the door crashes open and a furious Chad comes charging in.

"Where's that bastard. Imma kill him!" Chad yells and Jensen is shell shocked at the outburst. Jared's best friend must have seen Jensen's car parked out front and after everything he almost forgot about Chad, how protective of Jared he is.

Jensen doesn't even have time to react when Chad is suddenly right in front of him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pushing him against the nearest wall. Jensen can hear Jared in the background, yelling something at Chad that he can't quite make out. Jensen is not scared of Chad, but he knows the guy would rather beat Jensen to death than having to witness Jared suffer for more than a second.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Jensen doesn't answer, only waits for the blow that'll surely come; Chad's hand already balled in a tight fist, aiming and Jensen can't even flinch. He would do the same if their roles were reversed.

But the punch he expected never comes. Jared is yanking Chad's arm back; screaming at the man to let go while Tristan pulls Jensen out of the way.

"Chad! Calm your damn ass down!" Jared keeps pleading and yelling, pulling Chad further away from Jensen; the man's wrist engulfed by Jared's bigger hands. But Chad's eyes stay focused on Jensen and if looks could kill Jensen would be dead before he was able to hit the floor.

"Hell I will. That fucker is dead. Let go of me you freaking giant." Chad is cursing, not looking anywhere but at Jensen. If it wasn't such a serious situation Jensen might start laughing at how helpless Chad looks in Jared's hold; squirming like a baby pig at a slaughter's mercy.

"Last warning, Chad. Stop it. He had his reasons, okay? Just stop!"

Jensen wants to protest and point out that he doesn't need Jared to defend his honor or some other macho shit like that but the fact that after everything Jared isn't only willing to forgive him but also wants to defend him for the mess he caused says so much about what kind of person Jared truly is. That he loves Jensen, no matter what.

"Chad, I will punch you if you won't calm down."

That seems to do it because all of a sudden there's something like fear clouding Chad's eyes. Yeah, Jensen thinks, nobody would like to get beat up by six foot four of pure muscle.

"If you promise to listen I'll let go. Just stay away from Jen for as long as I need to explain. Can you do that for me?"

Chad clenches his jaw, teeth audible locking together and eventually he nods and stills his body. Jared doesn't seem to trust him on that one though, pushing himself in front of Chad, palm flat on his friend's chest. "I mean it, Chad." His voice is as calm as if he was talking to a spooked horse. Jensen can only stare at the two of them, not realizing that Tristan is still right next to him, his smaller hand placed firmly on Jensen's shoulder.

"Seriously Jay, the shit he pulled doesn't need reason. This asshole hurt you and you're defending him? Have you forgotten how miserable you've been?" The growl in Chad's voice is feral; predatory, deadly.

"No, I haven't forgotten but I also can't wipe the last year away from my memory. Remember when you told me that he is good for me and that it's obvious even to a blind man how much he loves me... how much I love him? None of this has changed."

"That was before I knew what a true bastard he is."

"He's not. He really isn't. I appreciate you looking out for me, I really do but you need to trust me, okay? We should sit... and talk."

Chad is shaking his head, not in refusal to listen whatever his best friend might have to say but because he can't believe how easily Jay can let go of the heartache Jensen caused him.

Jared's hand is still pushing carefully against Chad's chest, does so until he has his friend safely and further away sitting on the couch.

"You wait here." Jared says, pointing a finger at Chad and looking down at him like a parent scolding their kid and then turns to walk back towards Jensen, smiling apologetic at him.

"Jay, maybe I should talk to him. This is all my fault and I don't want you to fight with him. Chad can hate me all he wants, he's got every right to do so but that doesn't mean you two have to headbutt each other."

"Nah, I got it. Though, I'd prefer talking to him alone. How much can I tell him, Jen?"

The words hit Jensen. Hard. Only a few hours ago he told Jared everything there's to know about his past. About Brady and Nicolas and he isn't sure if he can handle Chad knowing.

"The truth." Jensen swallows hard, eyes shut tight, "...can't lose you." he adds in a whisper and then he can feel Jared coming closer, his warm breath tickling over Jensen's lips and every piece of doubt and fear flies out the window when Jared kisses him; soft lips caressing Jensen's mouth, strong hands holding on to his face and neck and head and Jared is everywhere, pressing himself against Jensen and they both smile into the kiss.

Eventually Jared pulls back, leaving Jensen breathless and frowning and fuck, he whimpers at the loss of contact, wants to grab Jared and crash their lips together again.

"I'll call you." Jared says then. Jensen wants to scream like a spoiled brat for being kicked out but he knows that this isn't what's happening. So he goes back to the bedroom to get the rest of his clothes and leaves only a few minutes later, Jared winking at him just so and Jensen wants to melt right there.

~~~*~~~

“How’s the Pit bull?” It’s the first thing Jensen asks when Jared shows up at his door. He was pacing his apartment for hours, waiting for Jared to call him. Apparently Jared rather wants to speak to him in person. Which is definitely a good sign.

“Nothing but a puppy on Valium. Chad’s still mad, it’s in his blood to shield me from anyone who’s trying to screw me over or so he said, but he’s willing to forgive you.”

“Awesome.” Jensen sneers because now he knows for sure that Jared really told Chad everything and it’s just too fucking great.

“What?” Jared is confused as all hell at Jensen’s reaction, thought the older man was happy to hear that Chad would lay off and let them be.

“Oh, nothing, Jay. Absolutely nothing.”

“Come on now, Jen. What the fuck?”

“Do you think it’s fun to be forgiven because people pity you? Why do you think I never told anyone? Because I don’t need their fucking fake ass bullshit, and fake smiles because I’ve got a dead boyfriend and a dead kid buried in a damn cemetery!”

“Jensen, have you ever thought past this? Ever considered that maybe it’s not pity but shared hurt and sympathy?”

No, Jensen had never thought of it like this and Jared makes it sound so easy to look back at all those sad faces Jensen had to see when they approached him. Maybe Jared was right, maybe not everyone was offering pity, maybe they really did hurt. With him, for him. But years of building up an opinion on everyone was hard to crush. Yet another thing he had to work on and move past.

“Less thinking.” Jared has this dazed but wild look on his face and Jensen doesn’t need to second guess what’s on Jared’s mind. Jensen is all up for it, for the distraction of all those memories flooding Jensen’s brain.

Jared tangles his fingers in Jensen’s short hair, leaning down just so to capture Jensen’s lips between his own and walking them slowly to Jensen’s bedroom; their lips never letting go of each other.

“Missed you.” The confession is all the encouragement Jared needs to hear before he pushes Jensen on the bed, stripping him off his clothes in record time and only letting go of him to shed his own clothing. As soon as he’s completely naked he stands at the end of the bed, looking down at Jensen like a starving man.

Jared crawls back up until he’s close enough to crash their lips together again, it’s brutal and needy; desperation radiating from both of them and Jensen hisses in painful lust when their hard cocks rub together.

“Fuck, Jay. I need you. Please.” Jensen cries out when Jared’s hard flesh pushes into his hip bone and Jensen bucks his hips up, seeking more of this delicious friction.

“Please what, babe? What do you need?” Jared’s voice is husky, rough and sending millions of hot shivers down Jensen’s spine; warm puffs of air trailing over Jensen’s heated skin and Jared’s mouth is so fucking close to Jensen’s neglected cock he’s about to combust if Jared doesn’t do something. God, he’s going to die.

“Y-You… oh Jesus!” Jensen screams out when Jared’s mouth closes over the head of Jensen’s cock. He’s sucking him down greedily, bopping his head up and down fast and wild; eyes locked straight on Jensen’s flushed face.

It feels like a lifetime has passed since he’s had Jared like this; eager and pushy and going down on him like he’s dying for it and just as Jensen is about to push his hands deeper into Jared’s silky mop the younger man is letting go with a wet pop, licking a wet stripe of scorching hot kisses along Jensen’s chest.

Jared straddles him only seconds later, the soft skin of their cocks once again lined up and Jared engulfs them in his hands, stroking both men lazily for a few times, his lips sucking on Jensen’s throat and Jensen can hear himself begging, his voice broken and strained. Jared smiles into the kiss before pushing his tongue between Jensen’s lips with more desperation.

Jared pulls back and braces himself with one hand on Jensen’s chest, smiling down wickedly at the older man then reaches over to the nightstand and Jensen wants to throw his fist in the air and do a happy dance for them to finally getting this show on the road. But then the mood in Jared’s eyes changes for a second and if Jensen didn’t have been intensely staring at the beauty that is Jared’s face especially when they’re intimate then he would have missed it. He didn’t miss it though and there it is, this damn enormous elephant in the room, right there between Jared’s long fingers. Jared is looking at the silver package of the condom as if it’s a thread, enemy number one and Jared’s jaw clenches for a second, his eyes shiny with something that Jensen can only decipher as hurt and longing.

“Jay.” It’s all Jensen needs to say to pull Jared out of this funk he was in and he’s back to an honest smile, directed at only Jensen. Jensen isn’t sure if he should go through with this, if Jared’s even ready to go that far with him again, if they’ll ever be ready for anything again because if a condom is having such an effect on Jared then he’s afraid what might await them a few weeks or months down the road.

“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry… I… I was… never mind.” Jared stumbles over his own words and he almost looks ashamed and Jensen wants to take this look off of Jared’s face, doesn’t want to see the man he loves with anything but joy on his gorgeous face.

“If you… Jay we don’t have to do this.” Jensen doesn’t believe his own words because damn he does want to do this and maybe it really is too soon to jump into their old selves. Jared probably didn’t even have enough time to even think about what he’s getting himself into with accepting and agreeing to what it means for their future if he’s staying with Jensen. How Jensen deserved Jared in the first place is nothing short of a miracle but even Jared must have limits; giving up dreams might be one of those limits to his love for Jensen. He’s giving Jared an out here, of course he’s silently praying that Jared won’t take it but the offer is there and Jensen will accept whatever’s coming next.

“Was just thinking….” Jared whispers, his free hand drawing undefined patterns over Jensen’s chest, “maybe I could…”, he swallows hard, blushing tomato red.

“Tell me.” And Jensen isn’t sure he really wants to hear what Jared was thinking. Usually he can read him just fine but he’s at a dead end here, absolutely lost, stroking his hands over Jared’s muscled thighs instead, encouraging him to go on.

“It’s stupid. Forget it.”

Now Jensen understands, it’s not hurt that’s in Jared’s eyes anymore, it’s embarrassment and insecurity so Jensen shifts until his back’s propped up against the headboard, pulling Jared with him so he doesn’t topple over and off Jensen’s lap.

“Come on, what’s going on in that head of yours?” Jensen wants to know and pulls Jared against his chest, kissing the corner of his mouth with a soft brush of lips.

“Always wanted to know… uh, you know, what it would feel like, what you’d feel like. Without them. I understand why you insist on using them, I really do and that’s okay, I’m okay with it, I swear. And I’m not going to stop taking my birth control, maybe I could increase it though. We’re both clean, right? I’m not sure if there’s a way to increase birth control but what if I talk to my doctor sometime, ask if there’s a way to add something to the pills I’m already taking, to be a hundred percent sure.”

Jared looks at him with so much hope in his eyes that Jensen can barely resist the urge to kiss him stupid. This was so not what Jensen expected to hear and he’d be a damn liar if he hadn’t had thought about something like this before, too. But there was no way for him to ask for any of the sort from Jared because up until a day ago his boyfriend hadn’t known why Jensen was so paranoid about condoms.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” And when Jensen’s smile reaches his eyes Jared is beaming at him, dimples on full display.

“Way too kill the mood, huh?” Jared snorts, shaking his head more at himself than anything else.

“Dunno about you, but I’m ready to pick up where we left of.” Jensen breathes against the hollow of Jared’s neck and guides Jared’s hand to his cock, showing him just how hard he still is.

Jared doesn’t make a show of opening the condom, simply grabs it and rips it open as fast as he can and sucking on Jensen’s tongue while rolling the condom over Jensen’s hard length. Jensen fishes blindly for the lube but Jared’s faster than him, taking it before Jensen can even register it and coats his fingers with a big dollop, coating first Jensen’s cock and then reaches behind himself, shoving himself further against Jensen’s chest when the first digit enters his puckered opening.

Jensen isn’t sure how he manages but somehow he doesn’t shoot right there, the heat in Jared’s eyes when they look at each other while the younger man opens himself up for him is more than Jensen can really handle in this moment.

“Enough.” Jared announces suddenly and Jensen’s sure Jared didn’t use more than one finger to prep himself, it’s not nearly enough. But Jared doesn’t let him protest, shuts him up with his tongue deep inside Jensen’s throat while he raises his hips and guides Jensen’s heated and hard flesh to his entrance and lowers himself in one swift movement and so fast Jensen watches how Jared’s eyes roll back into his head.

“Fucking Christ!” Jared yelps and Jensen agrees loudly, but Jared doesn’t give himself much time to adjust instead circles his hips in a steady rhythm, then braces his hands flat on Jensen’s chest, nails scratching into Jensen’s overheated skin and Jensen hisses. The pain and pleasure almost too much and he holds Jared’s hips up just so and thrusts up and into his boyfriend ruthlessly.

“Fuck me, Jen. Come on… right there… oh God, yeah. Harder.” Jared is panting, sweat forming on his tanned skin and he looks like sin on legs and he meets Jensen’s thrusts every time when he lowers his ass and impales his stretched hole on Jensen’s cock; Jensen hitting Jared’s prostate with almost every other snap of his hips… if Jared’s whimpers are anything to go by.

Jensen can’t hold on any longer, he’s too far gone to will his climax back and it’s been too long since he’s been so close to Jared, with Jared. Jensen takes Jared’s cock in his hand then, stroking in rhythm with his thrusts; his thumb is pressing over the slippery ridge of the head, jerking the shaft short and fast and after another slow, slick rub over the sensitive slit Jared climaxes with a broken moan, come spurting all over Jensen’s fingers and stomach. The insides of Jared’s ass clench so amazingly tight around Jensen his skin is prickling all over and he follows Jared, filling the condom and almost blacks out it feels just that good to be home

Jensen is so wrapped up in the moment he doesn’t care that Jared is practically squishing him to death when his bigger body slumps forward. Chest to chest they’re coming down from their high together, Jared lazily rolling his hips, searching for the last spark of friction and Jensen can’t help but whimper. 

“I love you, Jay. So much.” Jensen kisses Jared’s temple, putting just enough pressure on his lips to make sure his boyfriend will understand how desperately he actually means it; how much he needs the younger man, his love and comfort.

“Love you, too.” Jared’s already half asleep with his face lying against Jensen’s neck, his breathing leaving goose bumps on Jensen’s skin and he wiggles his hips a little, softening cock slowly slipping free from Jared. He feels a little gross with all the sticky mess on their bellies but it’s still the most perfect his life, their life, could be.

“Never going to hurt you again, Jared. I’m so sorry.”

But Jared doesn’t answer anymore, already asleep… yet Jensen knows it won’t be the last time he will tell Jared how much he loves him, how much he’s going to make sure that he won’t ever hurt him again. It’s a promise he couldn’t break even if he wanted to.

 

[The End*]