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She Wolfs, She Blogs

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The infamous blog of sole female radio broadcasting major Erica Reyes

as she documents her internship for KBHU 860, the student- and faculty-run radio station at Beacon Hills University.

Erica is the voice of BHU News, and co-host of the BHU Morning Wolfcast - Erica & Danny In The Morning. You can catch them Mon, Wed, Fri 6 am - 10 am.

Go Wolves!

Got questions? Email Erica at

twitter @TheRealEricaReyes

Donate to KBHU via PayPal- click here!


Monday, July 1, 2013


So, here’s the thing with last night’s debacle: another tech made a huge mistake and we lost a ton of recorded feeds, commercials, and all manual control of the broadcast board. I’m not going to name names here, Vernon Boyd, but the whole thing was unscripted and uncensored and absolutely-freaking-marvelous. Don’t you think?

I mean, Stiles has pretty much flown off the handle about every conspiracy known to man. Let’s not forget about the week he’d convinced himself the Titanic never sank and was a Communist plot to thwart capitalism during the rise of U.S. industries in the 1900s. I think we can all safely assume he may never play a Celine Dion song during one of his broadcasts ever again--at least, we can hope.

My heart will never go on.

But the point is--Stiles is a lovely lunatic sometimes. First and foremost, the guy has a lot of heart. He was one of the first people in this program to come and talk to me. While I’m fairly certain he had his eyes glued to mine in an attempt to avoid a cleavage glance, he made me feel more welcome than a few of the other broadcasters who shall remain nameless (see the tag Alpha Twins).

And despite what you might get from his conspiracy ramblings on The Stiles Files, he has a huge brain. Most of the time he uses it for nefarious purposes, like putting a few whipped cream-filled balloons in with the others for the balloon drop at last year’s Greek Formal. But he is actually crazy smart. He has the highest G.P.A. of anyone in our major. Ever.

Basically, he’s really just this energetic, intellectual guy, bouncing around from one idea to the next until someone gets on board the party train and humors him. Remember Cougar-Gate 2012? And that’s not the title of some terrible porno, folks. It’s the file folder we have to keep adding to for legal reasons due to the ongoing lawsuit with the Beacon Hills Preserve.

And no, if you were wondering, a crazed band of anarchists did not let loose a pack of flesh-starved cougars into our forest wilderness.

So my lovely lunatic friend Stiles sometimes rubs people the wrong way on first impressions, and that’s if they let him get close enough to touch them. I joke. (Sorry, Greenberg….) The thing is, they usually warm up to him upon further acquaintance. I know almost everyone in our major at least respects him, because, while he may not know conspiracy from reality, he does know radio. And he’ll always be there for someone in those life-or-death situations. Like when I had a seizure at 2 am in the library, the morning of our Critical Study in Pop Culture final, Stiles was right on the ground with me, taking care of me. And when it passed, he made sure I was okay.

So despite the excessive eyerolls thrown his way, Stiles gets mad props most of the time for being a good guy. Pretty much this whole studio, producers, hosts, and techs, including Boyd, have at least one inside joke with Stiles. And when I say ‘pretty much this whole studio’, I really mean everyone, except for one person.

That one person is Derek Hale. It’s no secret he’s a bit of jerk sometimes. Anyone who has listened to his two-hour literature commentary, Who the Hale Knows, understands that. But he’s also been known to be a good guy, on occasion. He helped get me through a terrible BECA 330 class, Law and Regulation in Electronic Media. It’s weird...he has an eerie memory when it comes to lectures or things people say. He practically quoted Professor Alonzo’s lectures verbatim. Nasal gargling and all.  Which is a bit strange, since he never took any of the guy’s classes on Media Law. And Boyd told me once that Derek stayed in the studio an extra five hours and basically did Boyd’s job in the booth so he could go to his sister’s graduation. How Derek even knows how to operate some of the tech back there is beyond me.

And I get why some people might be intimidated when it comes to Derek. He’s kinda got presence, a lot of it. You wouldn’t be able to tell from his voice, but he’s a big guy. And when I say ‘big guy’, I mean he’s basically been putting on muscle mass since infancy. He also has this look, it’s kinda predatory, and I’m not quite sure how to describe it except as “hawkish.” He’s very pointy. And broody. And his hair kind of defies gravity. But he’s handsome. And super smart, you know? He goes off on literature so much because he cares about it. The human condition. Or something.

So what happens when an insanely quirky intellectual meets a stoic, muscular English Lit grad student who speaks more with his eyebrows than with his own mouth?

Well, you guys heard last night when they actually met for the first time. And if you somehow missed it in all its glory...Boyd, who owes me a thousand favors after what he pulled, has managed to get the transcript.

Got your popcorn? Extra butter? Extra salt? I can’t say I’m not enjoying this, because nothing exciting ever happens in our department since Finstock cancelled Kate Argent’s advice show Burning Down the House a few years back. You know, when she told someone to go ahead and Romeo & Juliet her relationship?

Yeah. That was just full of drama.


Well, anyway. This is just pure, good fun. Here you go. Enjoy.



Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 445.6.30.13 

6:29 pm

And that’s it for tonight, folks. Remember to lock up your garden hoses because the reverse pumping system is not a joke. That’s how they’re going to sterilize us. And if you have to ask “Who? Stiles? Who is going to sterilize us?” Then, my friend, you really have not been listening.

Oh, and tune in at the forty-five for Who the Hale Knows with Sleepy Time Hale. Until next week, my friends. Good night, Beacon Hills!

[Distinctive chip bag noises and crunching.]

[radio silence]

6:34 pm

Jesus christ, what the hell?

It’s Hale, actually. Derek Hale.

Oh really? Sure it’s not Bond? James Bond? Wait...not the Derek Hale that comes on after me?

That would be correct.

I, uh,’re not the lit geek, hipster wannabe beatnik I thought you’d be.

And you’re just the potato chip munching, Dr. Pepper guzzling, stoner conspiracy theorist I thought you’d be. You’re just missing the I WANT TO BELIEVE t-shirt.

Now wait a second, Hale. [PAUSE] My X-Files t-shirt is dirty.

The world is better off not being exposed to the smell of Doritos and dried come, then.

What are you even doing here, dude? I thought you made it a habit to avoid anyone with a mortal soul, or you know, non-vintage clothing.

I came to tell you [sound of feet shuffling] that I’m tired of your disgusting crumbs [BANG] and sticky soda rings all over the panel. My vintage first printing of The Time Machine now smells like expired Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles.

Ohhh. [slight chuckling] Those chips were stale, you know. Could’ve been vintage. Does that increase the value of the book?

[radio silence]

You know, your eyebrows are saying one thing and your lips aren’t saying anything.

I’m waiting for you to pack up your mess and leave so I can get prepped for, what did you call it? ...Sleepy Time. Not that you would know actual fiction if it hit you over the head and made you sit through a poorly-written screen adaptation.

What’s that supposed to mean? I read! I read all the time. Lots of books.

Name me one you read in the last month that doesn’t have to do with some Illuminati, secret government, water sterilization experiment gone horribly wrong?

Well, Derek, that broadcast took me a month to research, so you know what?

[sound of backpack zipper]

Screw you. But hey, you just told me you listened to the whole broadcast so you know what, you’re welcome.

For what?

The warning. [tapping sound] I bet you’ll think twice about drinking out of that Nalgene bottle now, Hemingway.

Don’t touch my stuff. And I won’t think twice about drinking this. We have perfectly safe public drinking water.

Yeah, ohhh-kay. Guess you haven’t read 1984. Or Brave New World.

Don’t patronize me. Of course I’ve read them. And not just the Spark Notes in eleventh grade.

If you knew anything about it, you’d know that Orwell was influenced by the Russian novel We, which he praised and drew inspiration from for 1984. And Aldous Huxley pretty much plagiarised We when he penned Brave New World. You would also know that a government set on tyranny wouldn’t attack the biological function of its society. That would be too difficult. No, instead of sterilizing the water supply, they would change the way you think, the way you live, the way you feel.  They would take away the very thing that makes you revolt. They would take your emotions. Your humanity.

[clearing of a throat]

Dude! That sounds just like this one Christian Bale movie.

[radio silence]

That’s because Equilibrium was a rip off of We. That’s how I know your correlation between mid-twentieth century dystopian literature and the supposed sterilization of our water is impossible, if not utterly insane.

Whatever man, drink your poison. Deprive the world of more broody, carved from marble, tome-toting book worms. I’m out.

Hey, Stiles?


Have you been drinking the Dr. Pepper in the food court?

Yeah. [radio silence]


Oh, no reason really. I’m just trying to remember if it was sourced with tap water. Or something.

[radio silence]


[door slamming]

Oh, hey, Boyd. Yeah, one second. Let me get the phones on.

[slight rattling sound]


[radio silence]

What? What do you mean I’m on the air?

You--you broke the studio?

[radio silence]

I’ve been on the air this whole time?

[radio silence]

Okay, looks like we will be starting Who the Hale Knows a little early this week. As promised, listeners, I did another close reading of Anna Karenina. Once again, I wanted to slit my own wrists with a dull knife just to take away the pain. No, not the emotional pain the text might have aroused within me, but the actual headache I got from absorbing so much utter emotional carnage. And even though this is my sixth go at it, I still can’t make sense of all the freaking characters. The uncle’s brother’s cousin’s daughter. Jesus, Leo, you could’ve used some sterilization there. Way too many unnecessary characters.  


It looks like we have our first caller, and it’s my friend Isaac, the Russian Lit major. Isaac, hello. Why don’t you illuminate me in all the ways I’ve misunderstood Tolstoy and tell me I’m an illiterate prick?

Hey Derek. Reeling from your dystopian peacocking display earlier?



There you have it, Wolfies. That was quite a dramatic first encounter between two of our most popular student radio personalities. You can’t tell from the transcript, but Stiles was definitely spooked about Derek’s final soda comment. So much so, he felt the need to tweet this morning



And here, for all you non-tumblr addicts out there, is Derek’s latest tumblr post:






Beowolf posted @ 2:31 a.m. Monday, July 1, 2013: 

“Battles are lost in the same spirit in which they are won.”

-Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

There’s a thought that will fester.

#walt whitman #i’m writing again


I’m not sure what it means, but Derek is alluding to conflict. I think. Either way, I have my fingers crossed for some more dramatic banter from our Sunday Night hosts.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened in the booth, all of the pertinent equipment has been replaced. And I’d like to remind Boyd, that the next time he wants to get frisky with a techie, he should make sure there are no piping hot thermoses of Java Alert coffee sitting open next to the broadcasting panel.

Hope everyone’s summer term, or summer break for you lucky ones, is going great! Remember, if you want to beat the heat next weekend, join me and the rest of the KBHU team on the BHU Beach Trip Fundraiser. Tickets are $50 for two nights of camping, and that includes the all-day barbeque Saturday and the rave on Saturday night. The proceeds go to the Whittemore Reptilian Canopy at the Beacon Hills Zoo.












TAGS:  #stiles stilinski #derek hale #vernon boyd #second degree burns #sunday night fun night



tech_boyd writes: Erica, are you trying to get me in trouble? Take this down now please before Finstock throws me out of the program.

isaaclahmey writes: Oh, Derek. His views on Russian authors are so misguided. He’s had his nose in Brit Lit for far too long. He’s such a Shakespeare snob.

dannymahealani writes: what were you even doing at the station on a Sunday?

     shewolfsheblogs replies: I forgot some of the notes from Friday’s ideas pitch. So sue me.












Thursday, July 4, 2013


Happy Fourth of July! While you are probably having a great time sipping on some delicious beverages and stuffing your lovely faces with scrumptious barbeque, my day has been ruined by a series of emails.

I can’t contain my frustration any longer, dear Wolfies. I must speak out. Juniors Allison Argent and Lydia Martin are ruining the Midsummer Night’s Dream party planned for next weekend in the quad. I am on the planning committee, but apparently that doesn’t mean squat. I have no say in the actual organizing of the event. You’d think, with the name Midsummer Night’s Dream, there might be some nods to the Shakespearean play?

Nope. That freakish triple science major and her Olympian archer of a best friend have taken it upon themselves to make it just another series of oddball rave effects. Like we need more strobe lights and simulated fog this summer. Everyone and their mother--or high school chemistry teacher--already goes to the unending stream of raves in the abandoned warehouse district. Even with the weird hallucinations and countless reports of paralytic drugs.

Oh, but shame on me for wanting to do something a bit different, and maybe, you know, in the spirit of the party’s name?

What do you guys think? Should we have just another rave on campus, or should we party like it’s 1599?




TAGS:  #lydia martin #allison argent #midsummer night quad party #shakespeare is rolling in his grave #tired of the same song and dance


isaaclahmey writes: This sounds awful. I’m right there with you on this. Let’s get some liberal arts people together and storm the subcommittee meeting.

     beowolf replies: And what...stun them into submission with our scarves? Give it up, Isaac. The world is run by people who show up. And you boycott any kind of organized meeting that doesn’t have at least 75% organic, fair-trade wearing participants. Or are you not claiming that as religious freedom anymore to get out of Dr. Leere’s Irish Poets lecture series?

     isaaclahmey replies: Gee, Derek, thanks for the support.

     shewolfsheblogs replies: Hell yeah, Isaac! Let’s meet for coffee this afternoon and discuss a strategy. Do you still have friends in theater? Maybe we can use some of the decorations from the previous plays.

daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: Whoever put those snobs in charge were clearly thinking with the wrong head, or they would have come to me. I am the queen of putting on parties.








Monday, July 8, 2013


Hello Wolfies! I’m a bit sunburnt but definitely still reeling from the Beach Fundraiser this past weekend. If you missed it, I feel bad for you! There were some great games of beach volleyball, and by great games, I mean great abs, because who really watches it for the sports?

The Pismo Club servers poured extremely generous portions of alcohol, and the daiquiris were sublime. They made a delightful concoction just for our group, the BHU Wolfsbane Bullet shot--a recipe I would kill for, by the way. Somehow, they made this purple beverage with every alcohol known to man, and it turned out to be pure, unadulterated liver poison. It was awesome.

Friday night’s musical vibe was provided by DJ Kanima, a new up and coming star in the Beacon Hills area. He’s got some killer beats that make you just dance so hard you’ll drop to the floor.

Saturday’s barbeque and continued beach party saw a lot of great times. Isaac Lahey, resident Russian Lit snob and scarf-wearing hipster, joined me for a few hours and half a dozen drinks to discuss our master plan for taking over the Midsummer Night’s Dream party.

Isaac, of course, rarely travels alone, and was accompanied by a lovely brunette named Cora. When I say lovely, what I mean is one gorgeous package wrapped around 80% snark and 20% eyerolls. It was no surprise to find out she’s none other than Derek Hale’s younger sister going to CalPoly San Luis Obispo for aeronautical engineering. While we may have gotten off on the wrong foot with the “This blondie is Erica?” comment, I really got to bond with Cora over our mutual love of Anne Rice and James Franco. You know, books and gorgeous guys. Oh, and buying her a margarita didn’t hurt.

While we discussed our Shakespearean takeover, Stiles and his longtime best friend, Scott McCall, walked by and stopped for a chat. Turns out Stiles had signed up for lifeguard duty that afternoon, and was sporting a pair of deliciously low-hanging red board shorts. Scott, the adorable Latino Pre-Vet major, joined us for a while.

If you remember from last semester, Scott is the vice-chair of the animal rights club, Safari. He was the one running around campus trying to get everyone to donate old newspapers and towels to the local animal shelter earlier last semester. Bless him.

Anyway, he and Isaac seemed to be close already after having Freshman prereqs together. It’s weird that Isaac has a non-hipster friend, but I mean, Scott does have this undeniable magnetism. He’s handsome and adorable, and he’s clever. He put two and two together about the dance and decided to help us.

Because, as it turns out, Scott is dating Allison Argent, and he’s promised to smooth things over and get her on our side. He may have also alluded to the fact that Lydia Martin is busy simultaneously finishing a research proposal and co-captaining a science team for a state competition. And Allison is training non-stop for the championship Olympic qualifiers in Archery. That’s the reason why they fell back on old party supplies.

Scott insisted we emphasize costumes. I think he said something like, “How cool would it be for people to dress up in old-timey clothes, or like, Oberon and Titania?” A man of my own heart.



That is, of course, when none other than Derek Hale himself showed up. Not only did he scowl at me for almost an hour when he found out I gave his underage sister alcohol, but he was emphatically against the idea of Bard-ing up the party. His exact words were,



“The student body has no idea what A Midsummer Night’s Dream is, let alone how to dress for it. Some of my students thought Shakespeare was a book company.”

Whatever, Derek. The party will go on, and you don’t have to come! Never underestimate a Wolf! Am I right?

Isaac’s got some friends bringing in white pillar props to represent ancient Athens, and Scott knows some people in the Horticulture Club who would go nuts to turn the quad into a fairy woods.

So we were all pretty buzzed and excited for the party, when a sudden commotion down the beach caught our attention. It turns out that Greenberg doesn’t know how to swim, and was drowning a dozen yards out in the ocean. In a heartbeat, Stiles appeared out of nowhere and sprinted down the beach, diving into the water in a flurry of limbs.

Almost all of us moved closer as Stiles swam back and pulled Greenberg out of the water, throwing him down on the sand and beginning CPR. I think Stiles felt some kind of victory until he actually had to touch the guy. (Sorry, Greenberg, but your braces are disgusting.)

Later on, after everything calmed down, Stiles rejoined us in a heap of exhaustion.  



Stiles: I think there’s some shrimp scampi stuck in my teeth.

Scott: I thought you had a bbq pork sandwich for lunch.

Stiles: I did. Fucking Greenberg.

I have to say, after a great day spent on the beach, I was not expecting the rave to be as awesome as it was. First of all, local San Luis DJ Nemeton really knows his stuff, or her stuff. It’s hard to say which, since they kept a Halloween mask on all night.

There’s nothing quite like camping on the beach, in all its romantic glory, and then coming home with buckets of sand in everything. I hope you all had a great time this weekend. Stay tuned for more fundraisers! The Zoo is opening its new wing, the Whittemore Reptile Canopy, in September! Be sure to check it out!





TAGS: #pismo beach, #stiles stilinski, #isaac lahey, #Wolfsbane shot, #delicious but deadly, #Scott McCall, #midsummer night’s dream party, #derek hale, #cora hale, #fucking greenberg, #beach camping


dannymahealani writes: I’m so bummed I missed this!

     shewolfsheblogs replies: you better come out of your funk for the next party!

BHalphakali writes: Bring DJ Nemeton up for the Midsummer Night’s Dream party! She was phenomenal!

     shewolfsheblogs replies: that’s a great idea!

isaaclahmey writes: HEY! I have plenty of non-hipster friends. YOU, for one. But yeah, Scott’s a stand-up guy.

anonymous writes: because what this town needs are more cold-blooded creatures roaming around, seriously, wtf, lizards?

beowolf writes: ‘Never underestimate a wolf’??? Why does everyone have to add ‘wolf’ to everything? We aren’t actual wolves you know. It’s just a mascot.

     tech_boyd replies: This coming from the grad student who switched the ‘u’ out of beowulf with an ‘o’.

     beowolf replies: The regular Beowulf spelling was taken.

     isaaclahmey replies: If you ask me, it’s a disrespect to the work.

     beowolf replies: No one asked you, Isaac.

     isaaclahmey replies: ‘Someone has to stand up for the literature’...isn’t that what you said to me yesterday about the Hobbit trilogy?

     beowolf replies: Those films are a disgrace. If I ever meet Peter Jackson…

     isaaclahmey replies: You’ll what? Strangle him with your eyebrows? And thanks again for hijacking my poetry slam. Nothing says “I’m sensitive and single” like a drunken ramble about short, beardy men in close quarters and your detailed analysis of Hemlock Grove.

     shewolfsheblogs replies: BOYS. PLEASE. Take this to your fair-trade coffee shop. You’re blowing up my inbox with your geek speak. And Isaac, your pretentious is showing.

greenberg writes: hey dont make fun of my braces

     shewolfsheblogs replies: No one was talking to you, Greenberg. How did you even find this blog anyway?

daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: If Lydia and Allison were so busy with other things, then why didn’t they hand the party planning over to everyone else in the first place?





Wednesday, July 10, 2013


First of all, congratulations to my very close friend, Isaac Lahey, for winning a lead role in the Shakespeare in the Woods series. More on that later, though.

I also want to thank Allison Argent for calling in to the show this morning and discussing the Midsummer Night’s Dream party, and also her Olympic trials excitement. But yes, party planning has officially been handed over to me, Boyd has the transcripts to prove it. I better see you all there!



Transcript from KBHU Broadcast


Ahh, speaking of the Midsummer Night’s Dream party from earlier, it seems Allison Argent, fellow party planner, has called in. Good morning, Allison.

Good morning, Erica. Danny. How’re you guys doing?

I think Erica might have had too much coffee.

Psh, there’s no such thing. Allison, how did your archery tournament go?

It was good, kind of. I qualified to move on, I guess that’s all that matters, right?

At the end of the day, it’s about that gold medal, right?

I just want to show that I’m capable, and every time I go out there I’d like to beat my personal best, or at least match it.

As a fellow athlete, I definitely get that. Not everything is about winning, Erica.


Don’t beat yourself about it, Allison. You got this.

Thanks, Danny. But I really called in to talk about the party, not archery. I don’t want to bore you guys with all that technical stuff. I really wanted to apologize for any miscommunication about decorations, because Scott told me your ideas for decorating and I think that’s great. I wanted to turn it over to you. Officially.

What? Really?

Lydia and I came up with the theme ages ago before we knew what our schedules were going to be. I think you can make it memorable and awesome.

Well, thanks, Allison. I have a bit of a soft spot for Shakespeare. Especially the comedies.

I love Shakespeare. That’s why we chose A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Although, I’m partial to the heavier romances.

Romeo and Juliet?

Oh, god, no! Like The Tempest.

Now, tell me, how did you and Scott McCall meet?

Erica. Really. Allison you don’t have to answer that.

No, no! [laughing] It’s okay. We had a class together and at some point I needed a pen for a test.

Oh, how sweet. Scott gave you a pen.

No! Actually, it turned out he needed one too. So we had to get pens from umm--what’s his name? Lacrosse guy who knits?





And there you have it. Creative control is mine! [insert legitimately evil cackling]

Oh, somehow I forgot! The reason I even opened my laptop to post is this BREAKING NEWS: hot shot triple science major Lydia Martin and lacrosse captain Jackson Whittemore were spotted this morning shrieking at each other in Williams Hall. According to reliable sources, among them Danny Mahealani, the two broke up after Jackson was sighted at the rave this weekend grinding up against two other women and a guy. If you didn’t know, Jackson and Lydia, better known in BH as JYDIA, have dominated the Beacon Hills social strata since the fourth grade. They are what you would call a power couple, or they were.


From Lydia’s twitter:

 From Jackson’s Facebook:

Ouch. Seems the breakup was mutual though. Anybody witness the verbal spar?




TAGS: #isaac lahey, #lydia martin, #jackson whittemore, #the power couple is DONE, #allison argent, #PARTAY PLANNER, #party like it's 1599


anonymous writes: Jackson has freaking crazy eyes. Something is wrong with that guy.

beaconchillsuniversity writes: they posted pics up on BHU Stalker Pics facebook

     shewolfsheblogs replies: what is that?

     shewolfsheblogs replies: OMG. THANK YOU for bringing this to my attention. I’m going to talk about it ASAP on the show. No one should be allowed to take those kinds of pictures and post them publicly!!!

anonymous writes: It’s Lydia and Jackson. They’ll be back on before you can say “wolf.”






Friday, July 12, 2013


Reminder: I know Danny and I sound like a broken record lately, but seriously, you all need to ditch your junk! Any unwanted knickknacks, valuables you don’t use or want, bring it into the station, for our Once in a Blue Moon Garage Sale is coming up! The weekend of July 20-21, your junk might be someone else’s treasure, or a hipster’s vintage wet dream. We keep the station running on the blood, sweat, and tears of our interns, the ads of some great local businesses, and a small sliver of funding from the budget, no thanks to the university president. So if you have nothing to give, be sure to stop by the quad as we try to sell anything and everything except ourselves.

Speaking of having no money, Danny just finished ranting on air about the excessive library fines he’s incurred recently. Has anyone else seen the spike in charges? Apparently, in the summer term, after a week, the overdue fee triples every day the book is missing. Danny, first of all, what are you doing reading Subterranean Currents: A Study of Northern California’s Cosmic Connections? And also, why don’t you just return it instead of heaping on more fees in your attempt to boycott the fines? Anyway, depending on how many other people also ran into this, I might go interview our wonderful library staff and get a statement.





TAGS: #once in a blue moon, #garage sale, #hipster paradise, #danny mahealani, #librarygate2013


~*~strawberriesXcreamX4eva~*~ writes: MOAR STEREK PLZ

     shewolfsheblogs replies: Wtf is Sterek?





Saturday, July 13, 2013


The day has arrived! The Midsummer Night’s Dream party is tonight! Come dressed as a fairy, an Athenian, or some other awesome Shakespeare-inspired costume. I’ll be the dark fairy in a black leather skirt jammin’ by the request booth.

To preview a segment I’ll be doing on Monday in response to the library fines, here’s a look at the email correspondence I’ve exchanged with library intern Matt Daehler.



FROM: “Erica Ann Reyes”

DATE: JUL 12 2013 - 14:43

SUBJ: Increased Library Fines

I am emailing the library circulation department in hopes that you might comment on the recent overdue book fine hikes initiated for the summer term. I co-host the morning radio show for KBHU and would like to run a segment on this sometime next week. An official statement would be appreciated.


Erica Reyes


TO: “Erica Ann Reyes”


DATE: JUL 13 2013 - 08:20

SUBJ: RE: Increased Library Fines

Hi Erica, this is Matt Daehler. I’m the full time student worker assigned to the circulation desk this summer. As far as the overdue book fines, I really can’t say why they have changed. I have mentioned your email and request to my supervisor, and hopefully she will get back to you as soon as possible.


I sent a reply asking for his supervisor’s email and/or phone number, so we’ll see if I can speed up this process and get some answers. Danny might have to work an extra shift down at the Jungle if he’s going to pay those fines!

Anyway, see you tonight at the party. Remember, All the World’s a Stage. 






TAGS: #librarygate, #danny mahealani, #midsummer night’s party, #matt daehler, #ooooohhhh, #i wanna dance with somebodyyy, #I WANNA FEEL THE HEAT WITH SOMEBODYYYYYYY, #wink



anonymous writes: dahleer iz a lozer he frts  


Sunday, July 14, 2013


Trying my best to concentrate on this Women in Media paper, but I’m so hungover I can barely move. So if you want a recap of the Midsummer Night’s Dream party, have this twitter feed.




Post Hangover Notes: Okay, first of all, Jungle Punch--never again! And second, bringing up DJ Nemeton from San Luis was the best idea ever. This was by far the best party I’ve ever been to in college. EVER. Everyone was into it. The costumes were fabulous. I mean, most of you guys showed up as fairies, but the looks were so varied. And some perfect human being came as Bottom--whoever you are, know that you’re my hero. And if the way you were getting on with your Grecian dance partner was any indication, you had a great night too.

I, myself, danced with many people, but ended the night with the right partner. And when that happens, it’s always a good party. Stay tuned for more announcements from me and ASBHU. We have a ton of great events coming up for the start of the fall term and end of summer!





TAGS:  #midsummer night’s party #asbhu event #dance dance dance #isaac lahey #derek hale #vernon boyd, #ohhh i'm never gonna dance again, #hungover



dannymahealani writes: word on the street is Stiles Stilinski was Bottom

     shewolfsheblogs replies: shut up! what about the guy sculpted from marble he was dancing with????

     dannymahealani replies: calm down, Erica, he didn’t have that great of a body

     anonymous replies: word on the street is Stiles likes to TOP

daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: That Argent/McCall/Lahey sandwich was hotter than hell! I near fainted when I saw that going on. Whoo!





Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Well! The summer term is almost over. How’s everyone holding up? Sometimes summer classes are a breeze and sometimes they’re so intense you find yourself in flashcard hell. We had a few student callers on air today ranting about the science prereqs they’re being forced to take this summer to get the classes they need for the fall schedule. Let me tell you, if I’m studying anatomy and physiology, it better be for recreational purposes.

Oh! In an interesting turn of events, I saw triple science major Lydia Martin hanging out with the hottie from the Midsummer Night’s Dream party. The one Isaac tried to imply was not a dude? Yeah. Totally a dude. I saw them walking around the physical sciences building deep in conversation. Although, he does seem familiar, like I must have had a class with him or something. I can’t quite place him.

Hey, if I wasn’t pretending not to be exclusive with someone, I would totally hit that, too, Lydia.

But anyway! Completely unrelated to our resident triple science major…. As promised, from this morning’s broadcast, here’s the transcript of our Lacrosse News segment with guest Jackson Whittemore. If you missed it, we had to go off air in the middle of the broadcast due to the inestimable amount of FCC violations that were streaming out of Jackson’s mouth. Boyd has been kind enough to get the transcript and edit it so there is at least some semblance of coherence.




Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 495.7.17.13

8:09 am

As you all know from Danny’s daily complaints, lacrosse training is pretty much a year round thing.

I do not complain that much.

You just said during the break how much your legs were killing you.

I did.

That’s not from training.

Oh really?

Jackson, grow up.

Hey man, I’m just saying the last few days have been upper body intensive.

He’s just upset that he’s not getting any.

As much as I’d love the two of you to continue down the line of personal insults, we are supposed to talk about some of the new things going on with the team.

We did get funding for new equipment, and new away game uniforms.

Our state championship win last season really opened some doors for us. We have the new equipment, new uniforms...Coach got a pay increase and went on vacation to South America.

I thought he went to China?

No. He had selfies taken in Brazil. He vined a video of a Brazilian lacrosse game and told me to amp up my [REDACTED] game.

There’s a picture posted of him on the Great Wall.


Oh my god.

I know. It’s burned into my skull.

So Jackson, as co-captain this season, what are your plans--

Who told you I was co-captain?

I thought that was common knowledge since Coach posted it on the team roster. Scott McCall has really shone at lacrosse since funding was cut from the--

Whatever Coach decided for the summer is not final for the rest of the season.

I think he’s trying to unite the team. Everyone likes Scott and we’re all impressed with his extreme approach to the game.

What do you mean by “extreme approach”?

I wouldn’t say everyone likes him. The guy’s a [REDACTED] freak.

Scott has some interesting moves out on the field.

He’s on some new [REDACTED] juice.

Juicy Juice?

[REDACTED] you. He was a bench warmer for two years. The [REDACTED] has [REDACTED] asthma, for [REDACTED] sake. I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

Jackson, you can’t swear so much. We only have a two second delay.

Let’s talk about something a little less aggravating to our guest.

Quite a few of our listeners went on the recent beach trip, Jackson. Proceeds went to your family’s Reptile Canopy at the Beacon Hills Zoo. What can you tell us about the renovations and new additions that we’ll see at the opening in September?

[REDACTED] if I know. I don’t even know what that is.

You went on the beach trip. Your name is on the project.

What does “reptile canopy” sound like to you? Anyway, my father does all the [REDACTED] charity work. Can we talk about [REDACTED] lacrosse, or you know, something that doesn’t make me want to kill you both.


Well, there you have it. Our very own lacrosse co-captain, Jackson Whittemore. He really speaks for himself.

I’d like to congratulate Scott McCall for being made co-captain. Finally, someone who deserves recognition for clearly putting in the hours to get to peak performance! And his response to Jackson’s attitude just warms my heart.



In other news, as many of you know, we’ve been looking into the recent library fine hikes (#LibraryGate2013). Both Danny and I have been responding to your emails and tweets, and he has taken over the investigation despite his own personal stake in it. Conflict of interest, much? Anyway, here are some of the responses we’ve been seeing.



Poor @bryanf944!  I’m sure many of you have similar tales of woe. Hopefully Danny will get on this and we’ll be able to get some answers! Stay tuned and remember to follow the hashtag #LibraryGate2013 for news and updates.





TAGS: #librarygate2013, #jackson whittemore, #danny mahealani, #douchebags will be douchebags, #the fcc won't let me be, #scott mccall is my hero



anonymous writes: yeah “peak performance”  -snicker-

anonymous writes: shut the f*** up about jackson. he’s the only reason we even won the state champs last year. mccall wasn’t even in the picture then. i think jackson’s right, mccall’s on something.

     shewolfsheblogs writes: well I would give this theory a shot if it wasn't so completely bogus and deflammatory! where's your proof, anon? SHOW YOURSELF CRUEL MUDSLINGER!!! 


Thursday, July 18, 2013


You all know how much I enjoy getting your comments, and so now I’m opening up a discussion with the hope that someone might be able to explain to me how Aiden Deucalion still manages to hold a prime radio spot while being a total, pardon my honesty, asshole.

This guy is not just the epitome of every jock stereotype I have ever heard, but also his stepdad’s little errand boy. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Dean Deucalion. He is definitely not stupid, his ability to retain facts and sports-related figures boggles my mind. He even managed a high B in Professor Alonzo’s class, which is impressive considering he barely even showed up. No, this isn’t about his interests or his abilities, but more about his outright bullying of other BECA students and terrible attitude while speaking about and to other human beings on air. Let me put aside the things he has said about me behind my back, or even what he’s said to my face (“You’re just a blonde with a nice rack, that’s why you have the morning show.”). That’s for another post.

But Danny? Nobody goes after Danny! How can you? His dimples sign peace treaties! Not to mention the rest of him.  

Let me tell you what brought on this rant, and maybe then you’ll understand.

So the break between our morning show and Aiden’s show is the longest break the station has--forty-five minutes. We replay the daily news, we play ASBHU news, and we run ads, other student organization announcements, achievements, and even sometimes play a song or two from the student body. Danny and I never see Aiden before his show.

Until yesterday.

Aiden made it a point to strut in at the exact moment Danny and I took off our ‘phones and went off air.

The encounter went something like this:




It’s funny. That stunt you just pulled with Jackson could either make or break this station.


What are you talking about?


He means the cursing.


We cut it out and switched off the board.


There were about six violations, and that’s just what I heard after Ethan texted me what was happening. You two are already on thin ice.


We have the highest morning show ratings of any Beacon Hills morning show.


That doesn’t matter to the University President.


Aiden, what are you doing here?


I just wanted to congratulate you on another great segment. What is it you always say on air, Erica? ...All the awards.

Oh, and stay away from my brother. He doesn’t need someone like you hanging around him.


Or what? I like Ethan. He likes me. We’re two consenting adults.


Ethan doesn’t know what he likes.


I think Ethan knows more about what he likes than you do.


If you go anywhere near my brother, I’ll rip your face off. And eat it.


What is this? Are you fucking kidding me? Come on Danny, let’s go.


There’s something wrong with you.


Aiden had this shit-eating grin on his face as we packed up and rushed out. Because he’s a fucking sociopath.

If that wasn’t bad enough, I woke up to find THIS. What the hell? What is Aiden doing? He’s making out with Jackson and looking right at the camera. He went out and did this just to mess with Danny, who tweeted:



OMG - like, what are we? Twelve? What is he trying to do--upset Danny into not dating his brother? Whatever his intent, it’s just making him look bad. Using intimidation to get what you want never works.

CORNER - (noun) Where nobody puts Danny.





TAGS: #alpha twins, #aiden deucalion, #he’s such a douchebag, #it boggles my mind, #danny mahealani,



daniellehasbiggerissues writes: OH NO HE DI’NT! Boy better run if he crosses my path, else he gonna be missing a pair when I’m done with him.



Saturday, July 20, 2013


Today’s the day! The Once in a Blue Moon Garage Sale has arrived! Come visit us in the quad with your extra cash. Here’s just a preview of some of the things we have for sale:

  • sixteen different sets of chairs

  • a leather couch

  • 22 tables of books, arranged from fiction to nonfiction (there are some major related books, guys!)

  • rumor has it, somewhere, John Oates’s mustache awaits

  • a bunch of handmade flower crowns made by the Horticulture Department

  • 341 donated vinyls, including six original copies of  Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours (Isaac Lahey, are you out there listening?)

  • Pabst hanging string lights

  • a few good quality Doc Martins


  • I may regret putting this, but someone donated a Super Nintendo console...and it definitely works.

  • There’s quite a few of the old BHU Lacrosse jerseys! But none with Scott McCall’s number, which is the one I want...

  • Ice chests, musical instruments, and so much more!!

Danny and I will be there for the morning shift, while a few other radio personalities will stay for the afternoon. Today and tomorrow, come out and support the radio station!

Remember: Our funding is limited and it’s through fundraisers like this that we keep our program going. So if you listen to the station, swing by and see if there is anything to tempt you.






TAGS: #once in a blue moon, #garage sale, #come out and support us, #or else



anonymous writes: probably need some extra money to pay for all those fcc violations

bryanf944 writes: who got the super nintendo?

     shewolfsheblogs replies: WHO DO YOU THINK? GREENBERG.

     valkyrieprofiler replies: yeah, he beat me out. how this dude just “happens” to have $200 in cash lying around...



Monday, July 22, 2013


Wow, guys! $3,451.62! This is a new record for the garage sale. I have to admit I was a bit nervous because of how few people there were in the morning, and then when it got to be so hot outside, I was even more worried. But lo and behold, there is a certain tried and true method to get people to come out and spend money: nudity.

We have some real hotties over at KBHU. So few knew that wrapped up in all those obnoxious t-shirts and loose flannel, our very own Stiles Stilinski was a lean, muscled hottie! Isaac even stripped to stop his bamboo shirts from absorbing his sweat, and then hung around and manned the vinyl table--which sold out by 3 pm! And our prince, Boyd, of course, helped sell and deliver furniture in his truck. Shirtless. And, Derek Hale, the mountain of muscle, stood by the cash box and took people’s money.

Speaking of Derek, did anyone catch him passive aggressively going off about Stiles Stilinski on air? No names were named but take a look at this transcript and the blog posts that followed. Derek has been particularly grumpy lately. He seemed more reserved than usual at the garage sale, despite having found a Styx vinyl before Isaac could get his hands on it.



Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 501.7.22.13


But I think what J.K. Rowling was able to do, and trust me, it’s nothing new, it’s actually a bit Shakespearean--

--what. Oh no. Not again. This--

Dr. Pepper. On my moleskin notebook. Obviously someone did not clean up after himself.

[loud sigh]

Is having a great mind synonymous with being a complete slob? I mean, you guys realize soda is basically poison right?



Beowolf posted @ 4:29 p.m. Sunday, July 22, 2013:

The library is a place for research, study, and quiet, intellectual entertainment. In fact, there is an entire section up by the archive room on the second floor that is devoted to quiet study. It’s called THE QUIET AREA. But does this seem to hold meaning to anyone other than myself?

Imagine my surprise when I found out the answer is a harsh and resounding “No.”

And what makes it even worse, is that the two people contributing to the obnoxious noise turned out to be library employees. Muttering about something to do with the system malfunctions they’ve been having, two women screeched, cackled, and exchanged a few diatribes back and forth for over ten grueling minutes.

Hiked fines, angry employees, system malfunctions? Sounds like a conspiracy to me.

Beowolf posted @ 6:15 p.m. Sunday, July 22, 2013:

All I want to do is work on my writing. Somehow this has become an impossible task.

After leaving the circus that we call a library, I headed to the Grad Lounge to get some peace and quiet. But--because the Fates like nothing more than to screw with me--I couldn’t get in. My ID card is lost. Missing. And I don’t have time to look for it. There goes $25 that was going toward my first edition Le Fanu. FML.

Beowolf posted @ 11: 32 p.m. Sunday, July 22, 2013:

I don’t understand how some people can be so incredibly fascinating on a certain level, and then, on about fifty other levels, so utterly infuriating.


And for fun, and maybe this is completely unrelated, but this was posted this morning:



I don't know what exactly is going on, but the world is trying to annoy Derek to death, apparently. What do you guys think? 





TAGS: #stiles stilinski, #derek frowny face hale, #sunday fun day


daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: When are Stiles and Derek going to get their act together and kiss already? God, they’re such oblivious morons. Like to pop them in the face for being so stupid.

     shewolfsheblogs replies: I’ve started to see that this is a general consensus...

     ~*~strawberriesXcreamX4eva~*~ replies: YEAHHHH MOAR STEREK PLZ

     shewolfsheblogs replies: Wait, Sterek is Stiles and Derek??  


Friday, July 26, 2013


What a long week it’s been! Summer term finals are next week and I know we’re all feeling the strain. As if to reward me for all my hard work these past few weeks, I have been blessed with some very interesting information. And as always, I couldn’t wait to share it.

Guys, you seriously won’t believe this.

You may remember back at the Midsummer Night’s Dream Party when I tweeted about the Blue Fairy I spotted dancing with newly single triple science major Lydia Martin? Isaac Lahey had replied that it wasn’t a dude. And then I mentioned seeing Blue Fairy again, and that he was definitely a guy. Well, let me tell you, Wolfies…



The Blue Fairy is none other than Cora Hale, Derek’s younger sister from Cal Poly! I happened around a corner near the library and saw Derek confronting her. I was so surprised to see Derek, since he’s been writing so much lately and hermiting away to at first, I didn’t even look twice at the guy he was talking to. Then I heard their conversation!

Well, here’s how it went down.



Cora? What the--


Hey, bro.




Why are you dressed like a guy? Hey, is that my---


Shhhhh!!! Come here.

[Pulls him aside to the bike racks.]


Cora, what are you doing? So that’s where my student ID went. I had to pay $25 for a new one.


Yeah, thanks, bro. I used up the rest of the Wolfcash on it to make copies in the library.


But you don’t even go to school here!


Hey! Keep your voice down.

And then they walked to the other side of the smoking area, and I had to sneak around the back of the library to continue my spying. I missed whatever they said in the middle, but I did catch some really good bits toward the end!




It’s hopeless. Both our situations are hopeless.


Well, I never lied to the person and pretended to be someone else.


Making someone think you hate them is the same as lying.


He is too smart to think that I hate him. He knows I think he’s a slob with an arsenal of wasted potential.

Anyway, wanna get some lunch? my apartment?


What? You don’t want to be seen with your crossdressing sister in public?


Not really. No.

Seriously… still processing this. I wish I could’ve heard the middle part of their conversation, because maybe then we’d know why Cora has been dressing like a guy and parading around campus with triple science major Lydia Martin! And Derek was talking to Cora about Stiles. Either he’s really bothered by the guy or he’s really bothered by the guy, amiright? The line is thin between love and hate, my friends.

Not to be overshadowed by BHU’s latest wave of gossip, but Isaac Lahey was on the show this morning to talk about Shakespeare in the Woods. They’re doing one of my favorites, Much Ado About Nothing, and Isaac has the role of Claudio! To find out more about the production, and sign up for crew, and other behind the scenes jobs, visit

That’s all for now, Wolfies! I’m going to let today’s revelations stew for a while. What are your thoughts on our cross-dressing fairy and potential radio host drama?





TAGS: #moar shakespeare, #shakespeare in the woods, #isaac lahey, #cora wtf hale, #derek is being weird, #or just normal derek i guess #AH #AH #LADY LOOKS LIKE A DUDE



daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: Wait, he doesn’t hate Stiles? Boy, that’s not sending mixed signals at all

thefaeriequeene writes: Ohmigosh, Isaac is perfect as Claudio! Gonna get my tickets to that now!

     anonymous replies: Be sure to bring an extra pair of panties   



Sunday, July 28, 2013


I am riding a very strange high right now that I can hardly explain. This week has been full of revelations and nagging subtleties and so many things are going on beneath the surface! It all started this morning when a freak gas leak closed down the library and the Wolf Den Cafe. I only heard about it from Stiles’ twitter:


I didn’t think much of this, as Stiles usually latches onto anything unusual that happens in an attempt to form a conspiracy, or you know, actually report news, I guess. Anyway, the point is that in the early stages of his broadcast, Stiles kept mentioning all this weird stuff going on around the library--supposed break-ins, the fine hikes, and most notably, a “very reliable source” overhearing a conversation in the library about system malfunctions. Isn’t it ad oculos, dear wolfies? Because that is exactly what Derek wrote in one of his recent tumblr posts. Ergo, Stiles must read Derek’s tumblr!

As I sat with Boyd behind the glass ignoring Stiles’ rambling about previous university coverups, it dawned on me again what Derek had said about Stiles. That he thought he hated him. Right around that time, Isaac came strutting in with a mug of tea and a devious smile.

And that’s when it happened. I don’t know how, maybe it was all the discussion of his new play, but Isaac and I managed to channel our inner Bard, and have a little fun using the age old method of reverse-reverse psychology. Or as Boyd would later call it--manipulation.

What makes this even more entertaining, is that Stiles started live-tweeting in the middle of the whole thing. I have inserted his internet flailing here for your viewing pleasure.




You look contemplative. Spill.


Oh, it’s nothing.


You told me that Frederick’s final was nothing. It was definitely something.


Didn’t you flunk that class?


A D is still passing for non major related class like Statistics.

[He sets his mug down and pulls up a chair. He points at Stiles through the glass.]

What’s this nutjob going off about now? God help us all if there’s another Ancient Aliens marathon weekend.


Has Derek ever said anything to you about Stiles?


Other than, “Another Moleskin lost to the gods of the radio station” and “Enough with the flannel already”?


Yeah, that’s what I thought.


They hate each other.

[Boyd snorts.]


What’s so funny?


They definitely hated each other at the Midsummer Night’s Dream Party.


Wait, what?



Derek and Stiles were dancing all over each other for the better part of an hour that night.


Says who! Derek wasn’t even there.


No, he was. Or wait...I never actually saw him. I was kind of distracted…[Boyd winks] but…that guy in the Dionysus mask…why do you think that was Derek?


I don’t think it was Derek, I know it was. Who else do you know with a huge triskelion tattoo on their back?




Some Celtic symbol about the circle of life.


I’ve never actually seen Derek shirtless. His shirts are tight enough to not leave much to the imagination, but I’ve never seen his back.


He has a Celtic tattoo? I don’t believe this.


Is your hipster jealously raging?



A bit. So Erica, why the questions? You think something is going on there?


Oh, definitely not. At least, not what Boyd would have us believe. I just overheard Derek talking to Cora about Stiles.

Right around this time, Boyd put his headphones back on because Stiles was ending the show. Isaac motioned for me to check my phone, and I realized he was texting me.







The broadcast was ending...








Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 562.7.28.13


This has been such an interesting weekend, for so many reasons, and I feel like we’re just starting to scratch the surface of this thing before it gets big. Keep your eyes and ears open, because I really think we’re on to something here, guys. Have a good week. Good luck on finals. And don’t, for the love of all that is holy, borrow a writing utensil from Greenberg. Just don’t do it! Good night!


And then Isaac leaned over and stopped Boyd from hitting the switch to disconnect his line to Stiles’ headphones.








Erica, tell Boyd what you told me about Derek and Stiles.

I looked at him, still unsure what he was doing exactly.







You know, the stuff he said to Cora. About Stiles.

After a long stare, I kind of got the idea.









You should have heard Derek. He was actually lamenting--LAMENTING--to his sister that it was hopeless.


I can’t believe Derek actually likes him. Or anyone.

[Stiles visibly stills, and I turn my back to the window and lean against the desk.]


I didn’t believe it either! But I haven’t seen him that torn up since his article on comic book allegories didn’t get published on Thought Catalog.


Derek hasn’t really been into anyone since Kate.


He’s so focused on writing and being broody and muscular.


He never mentioned anything to me when we go running.


Why would he? When has he ever really opened up? Anyway, he said it was hopeless, and that it’s driving him crazy because he can never tell Stiles how he really feels.


What else did he say?


That he sits down to write a message to Stiles all the time, about how much he admires him and wants to bone him--okay, not in those words but… but he said how can anything he’d say sound believable when all he’s ever done is be a jerk to Stiles?


Yeah, Stiles would probably laugh in his face. Derek is pretty smart, but why on earth he’s getting all torn up over that asshole is beyond me.


When has intelligence ever won over passion?


Please don’t insinuate Derek, Stiles Stilinski, and passion go hand in hand.


Maybe we should tell Stiles. He might be able to let Derek down easy.

This is when Boyd says Stiles flailed his arm and knocked over his Monster. Then hugged the desk rather low to avoid being seen by Boyd.








NO! We can’t tell him. What would be worse for Derek? Quietly pining or having to face Stiles week after week knowing the guy knows how he feels?


Point taken. Well, Erica, you can go get that pizza. I’m going to wait for Derek to show up.


Not a word to either of them!


You’d have to pay me to say something.

Then Stiles came bolting into the booth, grabbed some paper towels and cleaner, said, “Ahhh, kinda spilled my Dere---Drink!” and ran back into the studio.

Isaac and I watched in amusement, Boyd in horror, as Derek waved to us and shuffled in not long after Stiles had rushed out. That’s when Isaac leaned down, turned our box mic off and turned the studio mic on.








Hey. Derek. Nice to, uh, see you. Like, really. Nice.

[He clutches the roll of paper towels in his hands as Derek stares at him.]


I see you spilled yet another drink.


Yeah, but this time I’m cleaning it up.


You? Cleaning? This is the Twilight Zone. I dead? Is this a dream?



Oh my god. Okay! I get it.

[throws down paper towels and grabs his bags]

Go ahead and sit here with all your pristine first editions. I’m going to go actually do something with my time other than preen over how intellectual I am and bark about sonnets for two hours. Have fun.

[Exit Stiles.]

I’m blogging about this because I know Derek is too busy with his writing to read this and Stiles has emphatically stated in the past that he avoids my “gossip-plagued blog” whenever possible. Also, I know there are a number of you readers who seem to have an unhealthy investment in this situation. But no worries! I’m right there with you bringing the popcorn. Isaac has reeled me into this somehow, and I’m not about to jump the ship.

This little experiment in reverse-reverse psychology has more to come, I’m sure. Stay tuned!








Erica--feeling a bit like Emma though!

TAGS: #much ado about nothing, #“sterek”, #stiles stilinski, #derek hale












Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Well, Wolfies, I am almost at a loss here. This has officially been one of the worst days ever. If you somehow missed all the horrible news today, Danny has been suspended from all extracurricular activity, lacrosse and radio included. He’s on academic probation until the hearing which is set for next week. FOR WHAT, ERICA, YOU ASK?

For hacking into the library computers and trying to figure out what the hell has been going on over there all summer! I’ll be the first to admit that what Danny did is pretty much illegal on every level. However, it’s what he found that makes it that much crazier! Someone has infected the library system with a virus or something, and he was just about to figure it all out when they came and took him away this morning before the show started.

Not only was I completely freaked out, but I was missing my co-host. Luckily, Stiles had dropped by to pick up something from the radio office and I managed to wrangle him into hosting with me.







Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 578.7.31.13


Joining me now to co-host in Danny’s absence is our very own investigative reporter, Stiles Stilinski. You may know him from his show on Sunday evenings, The Stiles Files. Stiles, welcome!

Hey Erica, hey everybody.

Thanks for coming in this morning. It’s been lonely in here without Danny.

Well, yeah, it’s no problem. And I’m just as shocked as you must be. This library scandal is getting pretty crazy. I had no idea Danny’s investigation was overlapping with mine.

You were looking into the library as well? Why don’t you fill in all those out there who might have missed your show on Sunday, Stiles.

Well, Sunday was--- [clears throat] --- an interesting day. To say the least. The library and other buildings on the west side of campus were closed off. The official statement coming from campus police and campus administrators was that there had been a gas leak in the area.

You don’t think that was the case?

Well, I’m not saying they were lying but...there were no Beacon Hills Utilities Services trucks anywhere near campus during the time before my show.

And you know this because…?

I have people. People who know this.

Oh, okay. Please, continue.

There was no one out there, no smell in the air, and with everything else that had been going on, it seemed ridiculous. Plus, ‘a gas leak’? I mean, come on, what a typical coverup.

So what is it that you think has been going on at the library? I mean, we have discussed the fine hikes on the show for weeks now. Many of our listeners have had to pay the outrageous fines but we haven’t heard much else going on over there.

Well, Erica, I happen to know that the library employees are just as baffled as you are about the hikes. And that the records, catalogs, and electronic systems have all been malfunctioning.

Oh that’s right. You have a...source?

[clears throat] Yeah, uh, a conversation was overheard between two employees.

And this source of yours, they are reliable?

Oh, absolutely.

So you just seek out people to spy on the faculty, staff, and students?

No! Oh no! This was just--he was just--jeez, Erica, you make me sound--no! Okay. He was just being observant.

And you like the observant ones?

Yes. [pause] I mean, no! I--I don’t have some vast network of informants. I have friends around campus. That’s all.

So this is one of your friends? Do I know them?

Ahh, um, why don’t we keep the anonymity of sources a thing.

But Stiles, if it’s one of our friends, you know we could have them on to talk about it. If they shared their experience, maybe, other students or faculty might call in and be willing to share some information.

It’s just not a good idea to reveal a source. Where’s your journalistic integrity, Erica?

Probably wherever the rest of my integrity is…. Okay. Well, why do you think someone used a gas leak excuse to get people out of the library? If it’s just computer related, what’s the big deal?

That’s what I’m wondering. I feel like there is something we’re missing. So I’d ask anyone out there who has information to please, please, please come forward. And I’m definitely going to keep on this until it’s figured out. Someone is out there with malicious intentions, but toward who, or to serve what purpose, we don’t yet know.

Okay, well, we might  come back to this later, if we have time, but right now we’re moving on to talk about the closure of Linden Hall that was announced this week. As many of you know, Linden is one of the oldest and, in my opinion, most beautiful buildings on campus. It was set to be renovated over the summer but had been put on hold for unspecified reasons. Now we are being told the reno has been extended indefinitely, and that the building might even be torn down next semester.

Wow, that’s insane. I had a great PolySci class in there. It was one of the first buildings built on this campus.

Yeah, I am so not okay with this.

Even more upsetting, is that the money for this project was approved and funded already. This kind of thing takes years. So where is the money going now?

That’s a great question, Stiles. And we’ll get back to that after this word from our sponsors.


After we discussed the Linden project, Stiles and I moved on to other things. He had some great insight into the lacrosse team, Danny’s role as goalie and the practice happenings since Stiles’ best friend, Scott McCall, was named co-captain.


Speaking of lacrosse, how do you think Danny’s suspension will affect the team?

Well, considering our backup goalies, Davis and Greenberg--

Greenberg is still on the team!

Coach had to rescind the ban after his pay increase negotiations. I think the fine print said he had to be easier on some of us players.

Oh! That’s right! You’re on the team!

Yeah? I mostly just warm the bench though.

That’s where you get your lean, muscled physique. Woflies, if you came to the Once in a Blue Moon garage sale in the afternoon, you know what I’m talking about.


What’s it been like at practice now that your best friend, Scott McCall, is co-captain with Jackson Whittemore?

Well, Jackson is kind of a territorial jack--[pause]--he hasn’t taken it well. The rest of the team likes Scott.

I mean, what’s not to like? [pause] I bring it up because a recent photo on the BHU Facebook Stalker page showed Scott and Jackson in what appeared to be a fight.

Okay, yeah, if there’s one thing I’d love to talk about, it’s that Facebook page. What--who is that? How does no one know who is out there taking these pictures or is it like--uh--what’s that show? You used to fawn over it?

Gossip Girl? I didn’t fawn over it, Stiles.

Well, whoever it is, they better watch out. After this library thing, I’m coming after them. They’ve been posting pictures of my friends--

Quite a bit of Allison Argent.

Yeah. And this is, I mean, it’s an invasion of privacy.

I think I’ll start my own investigation into this. I mean, how hard could it be to figure out who’s taking these pictures?

You might be surprised.

Well, again, listeners. If you have any information on this, please call in or send us a message.

Stiles, now we’re going to do postings. Would you help me read them?

Sure, hand some over. [papers shuffling]

In two weeks, the Beacon Hills Building the Future team, led by triple science major Lydia Martin, will present their theory at the Building the Future Science Expo in Los Angeles. I’ve been told the team has worked tirelessly on this project for months. All faculty and students are invited to attend the presentation and awards ceremony. Sign ups are in the Student Union, and the cost is $35 for travel and hotel. Remember, supporting your school is not just about attending sports games! You can find more information on our website, on the Physics department site, or on my twitter.

Currently, it’s 84 degrees, and the high today is 93. Enjoy the warm weather while it lasts. I think last year we started seeing cold mornings in mid-September...right Stiles?

Oh yeah. Frost on the Jeep.

In other postings, Dean Deucalion has issued a notice that all student volunteers signed up for orientation and welcome day must attend a mandatory meeting next Monday or Wednesday at the Student Union in room 305. The meetings are at 10 am, 1 pm, or 6 pm. If you aren’t at the meeting, you can’t get volunteer credit for these events! Stiles?

The Lit Club has started collecting donations for their annual book sale. Have any unwanted books? Tired of moving around heavy tomes that make you scowl in disgust-- [laughter]


Oh nothing. I was just--do you know who wrote this?

I think Derek dropped it off after his show on Sunday. Why do you not look surprised?

I just pictured Derek’s face when he saw Anna Karenina at the garage sale.

He really does emphatically despise that book.

As he should. I bet if someone brought it to him to donate, he wouldn’t accept it.

If he was still running the book sale, I bet he would. But this year, he’s co-editor of the English department’s publication, and is busy organizing our school’s conference on internet literature and publishing.

Oh wow. I guess I’m not surprised. He’s such a good writer, it’s like his talent is wasted on events like that. He should be writing.

Right. Well, what’s the rest of the info on that book sale?



I have to say, my covert enjoyment of the situation was half lived. While I’m sure Isaac was out there listening and dying from the results of his social experiment, when Stiles and I took off our headphones to call it a morning, everything went to crap.

Once again Aiden Deucalion has ruined everything. I went on Facebook and what do I see? THIS STATUS ON MY FEED, and only because he actually tagged Danny in it:






WHAT THE HELL. I can’t even get into this right now. It will make me murderous if I think about it for much longer. And Danny is dating his twin brother! How could he do this?









TAGS: #the evil twin strikes again, #and we know which one is the evil twin, #douchebag, #alpha twins, #stiles stilinski, #danny mahealani, #librarygate2013



daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: This boy is practically begging for me to whoop his ass. I don’t care who his stepdaddy is, he’s getting his.



Thursday, August 1, 2013


So, to distract myself from everything that has been going on, I  am diving head first into this BHU Facebook Stalker investigation. Admittedly, the first person I would go to for help with this would be Danny, but after yesterday, he doesn’t even want to touch a computer. Luckily, someone else decided to help me.

TO: “Erica Ann Reyes”

FROM: “Scott McCall”

DATE: AUG 1 2013 - 13:09

SUBJ: Facebook Stalker

Erica, I heard the show today. I want to find out who is behind the Stalker page more than anyone else. My number is (925) 555-0221. Call or text me soon, I think I might have a place to start. -Scott

Scott McCall heard yesterday’s broadcast, and with the pictures of his girlfriend that have been posted, I can’t blame him for wanting to find this person. Scott and I exchanged texts and might have a few leads.







And then this, from Derek’s tumblr. I mean, what is going on with our school right now?






Beowolf posted @ 9:39 p.m. Thursday, August 1, 2013:

Now that I am once again in possession of a school ID, I have finally been able to get into the Grad Lounge and find a comfortable, quiet spot to write. Or that is how it’s supposed to work out. However, other grad students seem to find it necessary to loudly exchange information about the campus med trials instead. Perhaps they should look into experimental resurrection studies, seeing as how the next person to make a noise in here is going to get more than just a glare.

#i’m going to rip your throat out #wtf med trials

Something just feels so off right now, with all the spending cuts, this stalker stuff, and now med trials going on that no one seems to know anything about…. Something is definitely happening and I really don’t like it! They better stay away from Parker Hall and the radio station!









TAGS: #scott mccall, #this feels like the scooby gang, #BHU Stalker, #derek hale, #med trials, #seriously?


isaaclahmey writes: I think most universities with medical centers and doctors with research grants have clinical trials. Why are you freaking out like this is a thing?
     shewolfsheblogs replies: I'm not freaking out like it's a thing, I'm asking where did this come from? Since when has our campus has clinical trials and used students in them? I'm just wondering. BHU is not known for our medical stuff. 

anonymous writes: that stalker seems to take pictures at all hours of the day, either it's one messed up, obsessed person, or there are more than one of them. but that one of you at the cafeteria was gorgeous 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: thanks but that in itself is a little creepy, anon


Monday, August 5, 2013


Well, what a few hectic days it has been! Danny will barely speak to anyone, even Ethan. He’s been holed up in his apartment and only been seen outside jogging in the mornings and attending his classes. I’m worried about him, guys. I know whatever hearing he has to go to will find him innocent after they see the shenanigans that have been going on at the library. If you missed it on Friday, an anonymous library employee released a statement to the show stating the following:

The Director of Library Systems and Resources has tried repeatedly to contact higher level authorities on this campus regarding the computer issues, system malfunctions, and spiralling chaos that has become the library network. No one has returned emails or calls yet, and most of the technical specialists are off campus for the summer and on-call only. We’ve had a few people come in and look over the system, tell us it’s perfectly alright, only to have more things go wrong an hour later. We’ve stopped using the computers for tracking altogether, and now use the age-old stamp and card system and also keeping a detailed registry of all outgoing and incoming books. We weren’t prepared for this, and if this issue is not fixed by the start of the new semester, the library may not be operational.


This is terrible news! I know many of you have research projects and classes for which the library resources are crucial! I know I have used the computers, copiers, and media centers for countless projects. We all have a vested interest in this. I just don’t understand what is going on anymore. Who would plant a virus in the library computers?

Speaking of viruses, Boyd recently came down with a mild cold and went to Student Health Services for a diagnosis. He noticed some recent additions and renovations to the building and mentioned it to his nurse. Apparently SHS has been recommending people to the BHU Medical Center to sign up for these clinical trials, and because of their increased involvement with the Medical Center, they’ve received more funding. Upon further research, I found a page on our College of Medicine site that briefly says this:

Choosing Beacon Hills University Medical for clinical trials gives you access to cutting-edge research and highly knowledgeable board-certified physicians interested in your health and quality of care.

Our researchers work closely with laboratory scientists on the BHU campus ensuring the development of new and technologically advanced practices and breakthroughs in medicine.

Our lab is currently focused on regenerative medicine and tissue engineering. For a complete list of active clinical studies, please contact Dr. Agnes Hilliard, (925) 555-3222 or


I wouldn’t have thought much of it, except that on tonight’s show, Derek made Who the Hale Knows into a personal tirade about the med trials recruiting students. Even worse, he let people phone in, and what do you know, Stiles had something to say on the subject! Whatever sparks Isaac and I had ignited between these two have surely been drenched in hatred by now. Take a look for yourself.






Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 593.8.4.13


While we’re on the subject of Faustian practices, I really can’t--I have to say something about this now that it has come to my attention. Students on this campus have resorted to selling their bodies to researchers in white lab coats for the sake of a wad of cash and quote-unquote “medical advancement”.

I want to stress to you all that I don’t necessarily think that clinical trials are bad, but I believe having them on a campus full of hormonal idiots that don’t know their anatomy from a door knob is irresponsible. This is like prostitution. These students will do anything for money, and not even think about the long term effects these trials might have on their bodies. It’s varied and unknown.

I even heard about a case recently, where someone, an athlete on one of our award winning teams, has been getting physical enhancements as a result of the trial process. This kind of thing is crazy, the idea of some kid, his body still changing, using this opportunity to have an advantage over other players.

I’m told we have a caller. Hello, thanks for calling into Who the Hale Knows.

Who the hell do you think you are?


No, Derek, I don’t think you have any idea what you’re really talking about here.


Yeah, that’s right. You know not all of us were gifted with your titan physique and superior health. I happen to know the person you’re referring to--

So you know about the enhancements?

Yeah, I know all about these so-called enhancements you keep throwing around, and let me tell you big guy, that is not what this is. At all.

Then why don’t you tell me what it is. Because it seems like cheating to me.

The person you are talking about didn’t just sign up for a clinical trial thinking he’d get some kind of boost in his abilities. He had to be vetted, and you know, actually have a health problem. He qualified for the trial which means he had to have something really wrong with him.

Care to elaborate on what this -uh- problem was? I mean it obviously wasn’t so horrible if he was living a normal life on campus and participating on this team.

You run, right dude?


You ever get that itchy, gnawing pain in your throat on those cold mornings? I’m sure you have. Of course you have, you’re a marathoner. Well take that feeling and magnify it by about fifty, add in the constriction of your bronchial tubes making your chest tight, like it’s burning but also so very cold. Then go even lower, to your diaphragm, which starts picking up the slack, making your entire abdomen shudder in a distinctive, retching ache.  By this time, you’ve squeezed your eyes shut because of the explosion of pain buzzing in your forehead. You feel like you’re drowning even though there is air all around you.

That’s just an asthma attack.

Just an asthma attack? Yeah, okay. It was just an asthma attack when he dropped to all fours the one time he was put out on the field. It was just an asthma attack on his second date with his girlfriend at the mini golf course that happened to be near something that irritated the walls of his--

Okay, okay, I get it.

I don’t think you do. Man, I was so wrong about you. You do get that he isn’t running around with super powers, right? This is just him, now, without the disability that has been plaguing him his entire life. He was always capable, him, but his body…

Stiles, I think you misunderstood me.

No, I didn’t. I understand you perfectly.

Stiles? [PAUSE] Well I think he hung up on me. I’d like to take this opportunity to explain what I originally meant to say--and that is this: these students may very well have health issues, serious things, and they have every right to participate in these trials and get the treatment and---I mean, I want people to be better. And I understand how medicine works. But you get an eighteen year old fresh out of high school, far away from their parents or guardians, able to make this kind of decision about their body without another voice to be heard? All they’re going to see is “cure” and “money” and then sign their name on the line.

That is all I’m saying. And I don’t appreciate people trying to paint me as a villain. There is no magic cure for the things in life that bring us down, physically or emotionally. Everything has a price.

Alright, we have another caller. Please, tell me how I’ve wrongfully accused Gandhi.

Yeah, okay, Derek.


I heard you were talking crap about Scott McCall.

...did you mean to just out the guy on the radio?

Um. No. I just think you should stop while you can, Derek, because you seem to be digging yourself into a very large, coffin size hole.

I was merely--

Why don’t you tell me how great “Well! thou art happy” is again.

I do love a good analysis of Byron.

This one has been on my mind lately.

You? ...have an English Romantic on the brain? I must be dead. Stiles killed me.

Ugh, why did you assign this poem?

It was already in the curriculum. And I like Byron. I think this poem is a great example of unrequited love. He loved his cousin, and saw her with her spouse, and it hurt him every time.

“Mary, adieu! I must away: While thou art blest I’ll not repine. But near thee I can never stay; my heart would soon again be thine.”

Oh, see, now that right there. Can’t you just--he really captures the idea of the spark between two people, that it ignites when they’re near. However, he sees her happy and knows he’s not a part of that, and knows if he stays around her, he’ll just fall deeper into the love he can never show. He’s got to keep his distance to keep his heart safe.

Yeah, I think I’ll stick with my Zhukovsky, thanks.

Isaac, you know not to speak of that plagiarist in my presence.

He was the forefather of the Russian Romantic Movement. He brought European styles and ideas into--

The call seems to have been lost….Getting back to Byron and this theme of love in the presence of the object of one’s affection, I’d like to focus instead on Keats, a fellow Romantic. You know, his work and his mind was so heavily influenced by Shakespeare. I read his letters, his poems, and I often get distracted by some similarities. In “A Party of Lovers”, Keats writes they ‘cool their tea with sighs’.

And what does Silvius say in As You Like It? That “[love] is to be all made of sighs and tears.” The basis of this idea, and Shakespeare was actually making light of centuries of writing, that love is a sickness, and we all suffer through it. Instead, it should be seen as a beacon of happiness. It should inspire.

Well, a part of me really disagrees. But I think Keats really felt this after meeting Fanny Brawne.

What are we even talking about anymore? Back to the discussion on Early Faustian stories, pre-Goethe, I think we had finished the Old Testament...


So this whole thing had my stomach in knots. First Derek and Stiles are fighting on air and then Isaac ousts Scott on air. I’m not sure what to make of this clinical trial business, I feel like both Derek and Stiles are far too personally invested in it. But I would like to know how invested our campus is the results of these trials. I texted Scott about it but he hasn’t gotten back to me yet.

I give you, The Fallout:






From Facebook:






Beowolf posted @ 12:04 a.m. Monday, August 5, 2013:

Sorry, Shakespeare, but--

#my stupid mouth

















TAGS: #librarygate2013, #I MEAN WHAT IS GOING ON, #BHU stalker, #scott mccall, #stiles stilinski, #derek hale, #isaac lahey, #med trials, #WHY ARE WE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS WHEN WE HAVE REAL ENEMIES


BHalphaKali writes: There is a lot that goes on under all the shuffling of papers at a university. Good luck trying to find anything. 

isaaclahmey writes: Are you going to act innocent in this? You're blogging about it! ON THE INTERNET.

     shewolfsheblogs replies: I am trying to solve problems, not make them! 


Tuesday, August 6, 2013


Even though he was outed on air as a clinical trial participant--which, last time I checked was definitely not a crime--Scott has still been working tirelessly to figure out this whole Facebook Stalker thing. We just needed a breakthrough, something substantial, and boy did we get one. I don’t even know what to do anymore…

By tracing the IP addresses on the account, Scott narrowed the Facebook user to three different locations, one being the easiest to identify--big surprise--the library. Apparently all the computers in that building have the same first two identifying decimal numbers, 129.22. It was a process of trial and error after that, finding the right computer among over 80 different ones, but after about thirty minutes, we identified it close to the circulation desk.

After finding a way for the computer to list the previous logins, we found an interesting pattern of logins from an Obviously, this was not Greenberg, who has illustrated many times in the past his inability to handle technology in all its forms. By the time we did a successful password retrieval (this was much was much easier than it should have been, folks, school mascot? HELLO! WOLF.), the lovely Allison Argent joined us as we tumbled down the metaphorical stalker rabbit hole. First of all, this bastard is methodical. He has his photographs organized by date, location, and persons photographed. Looking through my own tagged name was one of the most terrifying things I have ever experienced. He captured moments I would never think twice about, moments spent alone, or rushing around. I can’t even exactly recall half of them. And what’s worse: he has pic after pic of this thing I have been trying to so hard to hide.

As I was stewing in my own mortification and uneasiness, Allison was handling her file with poise and dignity. My file: 79 images. Her file: 424 images.

But photos and stalker baggage aside, Allison discovered something even more terrifying. I watched as she half bit her lip and said, “I wonder what we would find in this psycho’s email account.” What came next still has me shaking. Whoever this is, they have access to a small mailing list called ALPHA, or A Legion of Philanthropists Heralding Advancement. And okay, first of all...ALPHA? Second of all, LEGION? Let’s talk about all the imagery that conjures up, shall we? But wait! You might be thinking “philanthropists”, Erica, that is a good thing, right?

Not when you see what these fobbing swag-bellied pumpians have been philanthropist-ing.

Email after email painted a clear picture that this organization is working to channel funds around campus toward its own psychotic plans. That is right! They have an entire email detailing the use of the Linden Hall Renovation Plan Fund for Student Health Services maintenance and expansions. Apparently, they have an official Diversion of Funds permission letter from the Board, but I can’t imagine our President, Gerard Argent, or our Provost, Peter Hale, standing by while something they fought for is just tossed aside.

Even more alarming, my fellow students, is the proposed spending cuts to many liberal arts departments. They want to cut Philosophy altogether! Not to mention a small addendum that details a “serious restructuring and stripping of our various media programs such as radio broadcasting and journalism”.

That. Is. Right.

My best friend has been suspended from practically everything except breathing, my love life is being broadcast on the internet by a crazy college paparazzi, and now my major program is at risk for spending cuts? What else could possibly go wrong this summer? ...don’t answer that.

By the time I calmed down after these ALPHA email revelations, Allison pointed out that the timestamps on the sent emails and facebook posts indicated our stalker spent a lot of time at the library. She and Scott agreed that if the person didn’t work there, someone who did might know who some of the regulars are. So I sent a message to my library contact, Matt Daehler, asking for a detailed list of library personnel.

As I walked out of the library, leaving Allison and Scott to make eyes at each other over computer code, a few tweets managed to cheer me up.





I wonder if our triple science major forgot what something else feels like, knowwhatImean. So really, what is that about? It wouldn’t have anything to do with our resident Blue Fairy!Crossdressing!Hale? (I am referring to Cora, not Derek.)

All laughs at someone-with-perfect-hair’s expense aside, do not worry yourselves--I am going to see this stalker thing and this ALPHA thing to their respective bitter, terrible, permanent ends.












TAGS: #scott mccall, #allison argent, #to the mystery machine, #ALPHA PUNKS, #BHU Stalker, #Lydia Martin, #Cora Hale, #PUT YOUR WAR PAINT ON 


isaaclahmey writes: “fobbing swag-bellied pumpians”? Using the Shakespearean insult guide I gave you.

daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: sister, if you need any help raising hell, you know i’m right there with you


Wednesday, August 7, 2013


“You’re a great big bag of dicks.” Words I will forever cherish as they were shouted at Aiden Deucalion on air today after he started to go off about Scott. First of all, are we really surprised here? But really, he’ll stoop to basically any low if it means getting another asshole trophy. He opened with a less than sincere monologue about how he has been studying regenerative eye medicine and the clinical trials that go hand in hand with that. I’m assuming that is because Dean Deucalion, his step father, is blind. But as soon as he finished with his, “I’m an advocate for clinical trials, I really am,” he ripped into Scott McCall with a, “But if you’re playing professional sports, you can’t have your hand in anything that’s going to change your body. I’m sorry, that’s the truth. It’s cheating.”

While his first caller was a douchebag, and kind of sounded like Jackson Whittemore with a snake in his throat, the next eleven callers all phoned in their support of Scott, a “regular guy who just wanted normal abilities”. My life was pretty much made when someone called Aiden “a jealous half-athlete, too preoccupied with tearing others’ achievements to shreds than to make any of [his] own”.






Danny even came out of his self-induced banishment from the world to comment on it:





My permanent smile wavered a few times in the hours that followed as my emails with Matt Daehler spiralled into a monumental disaster.


TO: “Erica Ann Reyes”


DATE: AUG 7 2013 - 08:45

SUBJ: re: Personnel List etc

Erica, as much as I would love to help, the system malfunctions have pretty much screwed up our drive files and documents. So any personnel list would be almost impossible to retrieve. Sorry! -Matt



FROM: “Erica Ann Reyes”

DATE: AUG 7 2013 - 10:17

SUBJ: re: Personnel List etc

Matt, would there be a hard copy somewhere in the building? Perhaps a directory or phone number list? There has to be some kind of list, every department has one. I can swing by later and make a copy. No one has to know!


TO: “Erica Ann Reyes”


DATE: AUG 7 2013 - 13:02

SUBJ: re: Personnel List etc

I’m sorry. I really do not have access to that sort of thing.



FROM: “Erica Ann Reyes”

DATE: AUG 7 2013 - 14:13

SUBJ: re: Personnel List etc

You don’t have access to the list of people you work with or their extensions? That seems ridiculous. Can you name the people you work with off the top of your head? If not, I will just head over to the library tomorrow and do a head count and compile my own list.


Well, Wolfies, it’s 9 pm and no response. Does that not ooze suspicious behavior to you? There’s something not quite right about that whole thing.

Oh, and when I walked to the gym earlier, I couldn’t help but notice the mess on the lacrosse field. And by mess I mean complete destruction of mud and turf. Apparently, when Jackson gets drunk, he likes to go driving and do donuts.





But anyway, today I attended the meeting and training for Orientation Day. I have to say, for being the end of the summer term, the student union is still abuzz with crowds of enthusiastic students. You guys really surprise me sometimes. Many of you waved and came up to me in support of Danny, the radio station, and our investigations into these things that are tearing our campus apart. I feel so much better knowing I have your support! (Not you, Greenberg. Please understand I can’t accept another coarsely knitted scarf. Especially in pewter grey.)

But while I’m on the subject of Orientation, there were some alarming details in my Welcome to BHU packet. First of all, since when does Orientation cost $50? And why are we giving a fifteen minute tour of the medical center? And then on my way out, I ran into Dean Deucalion. I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but the man gives me the creeps. My creeps had creeps. Do you ever feel like he’s looking right at you even though there is no way he could possibly see you? And the way he says,





“Are you ready for the new semester, Erica?”;

“How is the morning show going?”;

“Ah, yes. Danny.”;

“There’s no need to worry, I’m sure.”

I’m sure there’s no need to worry with you sitting on the judging committee, sir! I just wish we had something substantial to bring so that we could back Danny up. We need cold, hard, damning evidence. Until then, these knots in my stomach won’t be undone.








TAGS: #danny mahealani, #Dean Deucalion, #orientation, #Aiden Deucalion, #alpha twins, #greek food is so amazing rly, #matt daehler, #srsly wtf



daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: If that goon in the library won’t help you, I can. I work at the Student Affairs Office in the afternoons. Swing by, and I can get you everything we have on the account the stalker uses. Let’s nail the scum.

     shewolfsheblogs replies: OMG. That would be amazing! Can I bring Scott around 4:30?


Thursday, August 8, 2013


So one of my devoted readers, Danielle, volunteered to help us get some evidence on the Facebook Stalker. I managed to get Scott away from lacrosse practice and he told me Allison was having dinner with her grandpa, the university president, and planned to ask him about the Linden Hall funding.

Scott and I had a good time catching up with Danielle, who seems to read through the lines of this blog a little too well. And no, to those of you who were wondering. These golden locks are not extensions.

So when we finally sat down with Danielle and her boss, Ms. Morell, I could hardly contain my excitement. Then Scott hit me on the arm. Through the windows of the office, we could see Stiles sneaking around the front cubicles looking through filing cabinets and Danny on Danielle’s computer typing away.

I somehow managed to keep my cool and pulled out my phone. I explained to Ms. Morell that I was helping someone with a time sensitive class emergency and needed to text them back:





But having the file in my hands was the easy part. The difficult part was sitting there while Ms. Morrell psychoanalyzed Scott and ignored me and Danielle.






Being outed as a clinical trial participant...does that make you feel powerless?


Uh, no, not really.


Now that you have the ability to actually play lacrosse, are you finding that your new talents are not actually meeting your expectations?


No, I think I’ve been doing really well out there--


Maybe you can schedule an appointment to talk sports hero woes for later. This information we have is time-sensitive!


I just had to interrupt. While Ms. Morrell is a badass assistant coach on the women’s soccer team, her counselling skills need to be toned down from intense over-examination to curious preoccupation.

“But, Erica,” you’re all wondering...WHAT WAS IN THE FILE?

Ms. Morell was able to print out every major interaction the user had with programs, devices, and uploads. While we sift through six hundred pages of information, why don't you sit on the fact that the university tracks our every digital move?







TAGS: #Scott McCall, #BHU Stalker, #Allison Argent, #Danielle is awesome, #Ms. Morrell, #Student Affairs, #Danny Mahealani, #I always feel like, #Somebody's watching meeeee


daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: Oh no, girl, I haven't been on a student computer since this library nonsense started happening. 

anonymous writes: this could be something big, are you sure you and your wolf pack can handle this? 

      shewolfsheblogs replies: Oh, Wolf Pack. I like that. 

     tech_boyd replies: Here we go. 




Saturday, August 10, 2013


On this particular Saturday night, I am curled up in my sweats clutching a Half Baked Ben & Jerry’s and watching Love Actually. First of all, it does feel nice to stay in once in a while and not be running around all the time. I am in fact capable of sitting back and relaxing for a given amount of time.

I don’t put all of my time and energy into frivolous blog posts, either. I’d like to think at least half of what I am doing with my talents is reaching out to people and trying to solve some of our shared problems. If I don’t get involved, if I don’t investigate the things that are plaguing this campus, then who will?

I know I am not Veronica Mars.  I am Erica Reyes, 40% Fight, 30% Curiosity, 20% Love, and 10% Hair. I may not be the most affectionate person, the guru of relationships, or what you would call ‘girlfriend material’, but when I care about someone, I fight for them.

Do you read that loud and clear, Vernon Boyd? Your complaints are duly noted regarding this secret relationship, because yes, it is a relationship to me and not just a booty call. And I will fight for it.

I’ve been so torn up over recent events, I can’t even relish in the fact that triple science major Lydia Martin and her science team tied for first place presentation with Cal Poly. Their Banshee Theory has yet to be read by the judging panel, and the results could take weeks, but as of right now, they are tied with their presentation scores. I mean, I have school spirit, but in my weakest moment right now, Lydia’s misfortune is my immense pleasure. Or it would be if every other thought wasn’t about my inability to express myself in the ways of the heart. Batting my eyes and smiling like an idiot doesn’t seem to be cutting it, I guess.

Wait. They tied with with Cal Poly. Where---that is where Cora Hale goes to college. 





:( :( :(


TAGS: #EVERYBODY HURRRRTS, #Lydia Martin, #Cora Hale


isaaclahmey writes: are you okay? do you need me to come over with some organic almond ice cream? 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: no, I'm good. Just remind me never watch six straight hours of Say Yes to the Dress. I lost faith in humanity and also picked out my top six wedding dresses for my nonexistent wedding. 

beaconchillsuniversity writes: sounds like the triple science major got played







Monday, August 12, 2013


Before I get to the events of last night, let me just stress the fact that you can’t believe everything you see or read on the internet. If you have happened to catch a photograph of me and a few other recognizable faces huddled around what appears to be a dead body, believe you me, it is not, I REPEAT NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. That being said, there is a person or persons at large who now seem to have it out for me and my merry band of Carmen Sandiegos. Well, good luck finding us before we find you!

And now, the explanation. If you caught any of the radio broadcasts yesterday evening, first, I am so, so sorry, and second, hopefully this will shed some light on them.

After gorging myself on a pint of crushed dreams, I put together some of the facts surrounding CoraGate2013, or the Blue Fairy!CrossDressing!Hale that has apparently been more than just canoodling with triple science major Lydia Martin for half the summer. I texted Derek:





I then proceeded to the station where I definitely didn’t lurk outside the booth door to avoid a certain someone. So while I had a very interesting conversation about whether or not Derek’s younger sis either has a cross-dressing kink or was stealing science secrets for her own project, Stiles was apparently on air dealing with a very overwhelmed triple science major.

I had to get the transcript because I missed it, so here you go:





Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 641.8.11.13


I’m told we have a very insistent caller, so howdy hello, thanks for calling into the Stiles Files. Name and topic please.

Stiles! Why are you not answering my texts or calls?

Lydia, I’m--what?  I’m on the air doing my show right now.

I know, that’s why I called in. This was the only way I could get ahold of you.

Can this wait, you know, another 10 minutes until I end the broadcast?

You’re the one who told me if I ever had a body in my trunk to call you first.

Lydia! Oh my god, I didn’t--I said if you got into any trouble with the law. You--you don’t--

No, Stiles, I do not have a dead body in my trunk.

Well that is a burden off my shoulders.

There’s just one floating in the Aquatic Center pool SIX FEET FROM MY FACE!  

Ok, Lydia, I will be right there. Don’t--do not touch anything.

Yeah, you can bet I won’t.

Yeah, okay, Boyd? I’m gonna need you to queue up some prerecs. Ummm, thanks for listening listeners, have a goodnightokaybye.


Right about this time is when Stiles burst through the studio door in the middle of my heated discussion with Derek.






So you never stopped and asked her why she was parading around your campus on multiple occasions dressed like a member of One Direction?


It’s none of my business what my sister--


She could be stealing equations! She is committing fraud and stealing someone else’s academic property. You better hope Lydia Martin never figures out your sister does not have a penis!


Wait, what about Lydia Martin? What--Derek is this true?


Look, I don’t know, okay? My sister is not a cheater. I don’t know why she was doing that stuff but--


Well you can bet Lydia is going to hear about this.


Stiles, don’t! Please?

[Derek grabs Stiles’ arm, to which Stiles looks down at the touch a few times with a mild glare.]


I’m going to see Lydia right now. And after the initial onset trauma of finding a dead body has worn off, I’m going to tell her exactly what is going on. She worked hard on her theory and she deserves to win this thing.

Cue to me walking between two extremely irritated and frustrated males. Derek kept trying to convince Stiles to wait until he could speak with Cora himself, to think of her academic career, and Stiles would just shake his head and respond that Derek didn’t think twice about Scott before airing out his personal business on air.






At least this is keeping it a private matter.


You don’t know Cora!


And you don’t know Scott! That didn’t stop you from potentially ruining his life!

All the while I was wondering why we were walking toward a dead body. Stiles claimed he just wanted to make sure Lydia was alright before calling the police. I, however, implied many times that she had probably killed Jackson, and if asked to testify, might be inclined to lie for a price.

As it turns out, I wouldn’t have to! Keep your pants on folks, because though she may be on her way to winning the Fields Medal, triple science major Lydia Martin cannot tell the difference between an actual dead body and a Gap mannequin. We found this out after Derek and Stiles jumped into the pool, both intent on giving the clearly motionless body life saving resuscitation, and discovered it was in fact a CPR dummy. I say ‘we found this out’, and I guess I should clarify that the ‘we’ was me and Lydia. Stiles and Derek barely took a second glance at the supposed drowning victim. They were too busy arguing over who could give better mouth-to-mouth.

Once they had hashed that out, Lydia asked Stiles why Derek and I had come with him. And then--well, that would be one of the few moments in my life when I have actually been surprised. Stiles explained the Cora situation, and I watched as Lydia’s face never changed from dissatisfied interest to surprise. She simply sighed, tilted her head, and told Stiles he should really mind his own business. To which he replied:






My business? Um, Erica was the one who put it all together and started harassing Derek about it.


[turns to me] You really have a lot more going on up there than those leopard print pumps would have me believe.


I know my sister, and she is not hanging around Lydia to steal science.

[in the background, Stiles is rolling his eyes and mouthing the words ‘Steal Science?’]


Cora is hanging around me because we are dating. We had a great time at the Midsummers Night Dream Party and saw each other a few times after that. She wanted to hang out with me because of our shared interests in science. She stated from the beginning that she wanted to learn from the Lydia Martin because she had some mean spirited older idiots on her science team. So, I might have humored her. I was looking for a distraction after my break up with Jackson. I may or may not have given her false information to bring back to her teammates. And I might have even changed some of her


You sullied her work?

[in the background, Stiles is rolling his eyes while mouthing the word ‘sullied?’]


No! I changed her notes to make her look good.


So you gave her bad info to give back to her teammates, but changed her notes so that she would look good? [Lydia nods.] Oh man, you are so sweet on her.


But why? Why go through all the trouble?


It wasn’t like Cal Poly was going to win this year anyway. I figured this way, the judges would see the moronic idiots on her team for what they were, and would remember Cora Hale as the genius that she is.


And the cross-dressing?


Oh, to make Jackson squirm. Why do you think he destroyed the field the other night? He saw me on top of Cora at the Pavillion Acoustic Show.

And that was when Derek’s frown kind of wavered, although he still had some apparent disgust at the realization that his sister had someone on top of her at all, let alone triple science major Lydia Martin. I was just about to ask her about the competition when a flash went off on the other side of the pool complex.






What was that?

[A figure in a black hoodie rushed out the back gate.]


You don’t think that was him?




The Facebook Stalker!


Did anyone get a look at the guy?


No dude, it was too dark.


Are you seriously telling me no one got a good look at the person who is behind the worst invasion of privacy in BHU’s history?


Erica, it was dark.


This isn’t Halo. I can’t just enable night vision at will!

And that is when Stiles said, “Hold on,” and ran after the guy. We all kind of stood there and watched as he bolted out of the gate and into the darkness. Then we stood in silence for a few minutes.






What a great beginning to a horror movie. Oh, look at those idiot students. They mistook a mannequin for a dead body. Well, I will not be finding a real dead body. Derek, go after him.

Derek kind of rolled his eyes but followed Stiles’ path. So there I was then, standing alone with my nemesis, triple science major Lydia Martin. That’s when Boyd texted me that I should get back to the studio. I thought he was just trying to get me alone to apologize, so I shrugged it off and made Lydia accompany me in my search for Stiles and Derek. But after twenty minutes of shouting and walking through half of campus, we couldn’t find them. Not to mention neither of them were answering texts or calls.






Derek’s tumblr post in question:





Beowolf posted @ 1:56  a.m. Monday, August 12, 2013

I find myself ever enveloped in Keats’ words. Before I found myself around them, whereas now, they are around me.

"I never knew before, what such a love as you have made me feel, was; I did not believe in it; my Fancy was afraid of it, lest it should burn me up. But if you will fully love me, though there may be some fire, ‘twill not be more than we can bear when moistened and bedewed with Pleasures."

-John Keats, July 8, 1819

#practicing my cpr technique

Speaking of unrequited love addled lunatics, Isaac, I’m sorry to say, had a worse time than we did last night. Taking over the show in Derek’s absence, he pretty much rambled on about his entire collegiate sex life, took callers, and spent the better part of ten minutes talking about one particularly gravity-defying sex position. The worst part was yet to come when he broke down and started the long sighing, explaining to the “heavy hearted listeners out there” that his own heart was in terrible shape. I can’t--I don’t even think I bring myself to describe it. Here, just read it.





Transcript from KBHU Broadcast 642.8.11.13


Ahh, well as that last caller seemed to vocalize, many people find Russian Literature to be awful, dry, and devoid of human interaction. And maybe this is true of some Russian works, but it is true of any culture’s literature as well. What was I just reading again? Ah, The Fiery Angel. Now there is a fascinating, emotional, sensual novel. You can’t get any better than that. Valery Bryusov was the leader of the Russian Symbolists, and this book is insane. He researched medieval Germany and the occult, so much so that his German contemporaries believed the serialized story to be the rediscovered account of events past. But this story, I mean, he put this--this love triangle in the middle of it. You know, like so many authors, he wrote his own experiences into it. He was in the middle of a love triangle.

You know, I somehow found myself in the middle of one. I guess, well--I didn’t just find myself in it. I let myself...stumble into it. I dont--I don’t know if I have the strength to stop. I keep getting into these situations where my imagination kind of takes over my emotions. I can never tell if I’m just projecting things or if a lookis really one of those looks.

I get addicted to those moments where my heartbeat quickens because it’s such an uncertain thing--does this person really mean this? Are they staring at my lips or zoning out? I mean, those taboo things that are so against the norm, they seem just make me crave them more. Am I really falling in love? And---God, like what is love even? You know, do you ever just feel overwhelmed by all the different ways you can love? You give pieces of yourself to different people, but who do you share your entire self with? I just, I don’t think I have ever done that

[REDACTED], what have I done? Oh my god. I don’t--I don’t think I ever saw myself until now. [REDACTED], and Bryusov said it in one of his poems. “Genesis by means of love.” I have this epiphany, my catharsis, a spiritual escalation of being--and it feels like [REDACTED]. Because at the end of it, I’m alone. They don’t know how I feel. Or rather, they don’t feel the same. I’m in love. And I’m alone.

I’m told we have a caller. Hello, name and topic, and, I don’t know, status of your heart?

Hi, Isaac. Um, you can call me Kali, I guess.

Thanks for calling in, Kali.

As for the status of my heart, I am right there with you. I’m caught in quite the love triangle. I love my girlfriend, but I--I have feelings for one of my coworkers too. He--well, we share a lot of those moments you described.

Does he know, I mean, are your feelings known?

I think he has to know. When you feel as deeply about people as we do, Isaac, I think they have to know. But--my girlfriend. I love her. If she ever found out, or if--losing me would kill her. She hates everyone I work with. I don’t think she could forgive me.

Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Love is supposed to be all encompassing and--I’m sure she would find a way to understand.

What about you? You seemed to be resigned to pining for this guy. Is there any hope that he loves you too?

Well, that’s the thing. I mean, he doesn’t--he doesn’t have the same grasp of love. They love each other. And it’s this kind of this sickening, bright-eyed, music at the end of a movie kind of love. Theirs. Not mine. Mine is more like a Bon Iver song over videos of heavy rain storms and flooding.

What are we going to do?

You should tell her. Or you should tell him. I don’t know. Oh crap, don’t listen to me. What do I even know about love?

If you tell, I will.

Um, no? I think I’m fine right here in my comfortable despair and alcohol poisoning.


I have to cut it off here. I can’t even bring myself to read the rest. I have had this aching suspicion for weeks about Isaac crushing on someone, but I had no idea it was this bad. And I definitely did not consider that he might be into someone who's attached. That is---my poor, hipster baby. We can’t have this.

I think I’m just now realizing how lucky I am to have the love that I have. God, we have been such idiots. Sorry, wolfies, I’m abandoning this post because I have something important I have to go do. BRB, finding out if makeup sex is all it’s cracked up to be.










anonymous writes: you guys are like the scooby gang, you just need some sort of vehicle to identify you 

beaconchillsuniversity writes: PLOT FREAKIN' TWIST. Lydia Martin is actually a queen. I bow down to her. Smart, sexy, and cunning. Too bad she's taken, I had no idea she swung for my team. 

liberalartsgroupie writes: oh poor Isaac, like he hasn't spent half his collegiate career loving and leaving a trail of broken hearts. Glad to hear there is someone out there immune to his baby blues. 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: excuse you, Isaac is a saint compared to a lot of other people. 

greenberg writes: oh man, we were looking for that extra dummy during the last cpr certification class. 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: why are you in a cpr certification class when you can't even swim? 

     greenberg replies: one step at a time 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: you know you can't give yourself cpr, right? but props, Greenberg. 



Tuesday, August 13, 2013


Yesterday. Yesterday, yesterday, yesterday. Well…

So I texted Scott to fill him in on what happened late Sunday night.




Little did I know that Danny had simultaneously cracked some code and figured out the school’s tracking software. (One day we should talk about the fact that there is a tracking software on our campus computers. Sounds like a case for Stiles.)  Danny was able to see the original names of the files and their folders that had been uploaded to the dummy account. And one of the folders was listed as a device. A Canon EOS 5D Mark III.

Now I know nothing about cameras, but apparently Danny knew right away that this is an expensive camera. And also, that we have those very cameras to loan out in the Media Center. But seriously? We loan out equipment? It takes a psycho programming stalker running rampant around campus for me to find this out. That would have been good to know in my print media class. We should definitely mention that to new students on orientation day and not scare them into thinking they’ll be spending large amounts of time at the medical center.

So anyway, while Allison and Scott staked out the library, Danny used his dimples to find out who had been checking out $3000 cameras. I pretty much received their texts/tweets at the exact same time and just about threw my phone across the studio.





THAT SNEAKY LITTLE SHIT. HAVE I NOT BEEN--I KNEW IT! He was hiding something from the beginning. So completely unhelpful. I’m told he cried like a baby and asked to go to the emergency room after Allison supposedly broke his back. Luckily, campus police were having none of it. Apparently that’s what happens after you post a few gratuitous pictures of campus police officers playing Magic: The Gathering on the clock.  

Can we just take the time to appreciate all that has happened in the last twenty four hours? First of all, the Facebook Stalker has been apprehended. He’s actually facing charges for stalking Allison Argent and Jackson Whittemore. I mean, Allison I get. Some of those pictures were of her in her bedroom. But Jackson? He’s got six pictures on the Stalker page, but you can bet his big time lawyer father heard about that. Now that I checked, yeah, actually:




Well, that is a relief. But really. Matt Daehler has been taken down. Danny and Scott used their skills to make sure the BHU Facebook Stalker page is no more. Those pictures of me and Boyd making out on the Lakeside Trail? Gone. I may or may not have saved those pictures of us feeding the ducks though, as Scott was so nice to inform me, feeding the ducks is really bad for them. He gave me a “Bread = Dead” pin for my messenger bag from last year's animal right's club campaign to save the ducks. 

So, no more problems at the library, at least in the foreseeable future. In fact, Student Affairs issued an official apology to Danny, and his name has been cleared. He’s meeting with Dean Deucalion tomorrow, but I think he’s going to get officially reinstated and taken off academic probation.

Things might get back to normal just in time for Fall Term. Can you believe it? Such a weight has been lifted.

Oh, and make up sex? Definitely everything it’s hyped up to be.







TAGS: #BHU Stalker, #TAKEN DOWN, #GO WOLF PACK GO, #Scott McCall, #Allison Argent, #Danny Mahealani, #Matt Daehler, #CAN SUCK IT


daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou writes: I knew it! I knew that SOB was shady as fuck. If I see that asshole again… Heather and I are burning his picture in effigy tonight. Anyone else want to come, they can get their butts to our dorm room at 8PM sharp!

beaconchillsuniversity writes: as you always say ALL THE AWARDS. 




Thursday, August 15, 2013


This was in an envelope taped to the door of the studio yesterday morning:


     The Office of Provost

     Beacon Hills University

     McAdams Hall, room 217

     As the Fall semester draws closer, I feel it imperative that a serious and problematic issue be dealt with. It has come to my attention that over the last few semesters, most notably the summer term, the BHU Radio Station, KBHU, has devolved into a state of harping busibodies and raving lunatics, quite far removed from the academic path of the program.

I can cite these instances of

1.) equipment damage due to a clear disregard for simple rules and regulations that almost any adult can follow regarding food and beverages, and fornication.

2.) actual bullying occurring on the programming, sometimes recurring.

3.) non-major students who are given air time and running wild without instruction, filters, or any pretense of sanity, oftentimes incurring fines for swearing.

4.) the students registered and involved in the BECA program behaving in substandard form; not representing their major or this institution in a positive light; and being implicated in possible illegal situations on the internet.

     We should be immersing ourselves in a better future, in hopes that we can better who we are as individuals and as a society. This campus has no use for trivial radio shows about UFOs, Russian authors, or hourly weather reports. Our students use the internet for these things, and people all over the world put out internet broadcasts using palm-sized equipment in the back of their cars. This university should not keep encouraging our students to live in the past, to continue to embrace dying practices. It is my hope that this move will encourage those in this program to think outside the box and discover new, innovative ideas to reach out to the campus and abroad. For these reasons, and the cited issues above, the Board of Trustees, myself included, are officially diverting the KBHU fund to more substantive programs.


          Peter Hale


...for once, I have absolutely nothing to say.







TAGS: #hello darkness my old friend




Monday, August 19, 2013


As many of you now know, the Board of Trustees officially cut the radio station program from the BECA curriculum. So, they did this without first consulting anyone actually involved in the BECA program, and thus kind of sort of screwed half of us over who needed the classes associated with the station in order to graduate. I really love doing the morning show and the news reports, but guys, I don’t get up three days a week at 4:30 in the morning for the love of my craft. It’s part of my curriculum.

So after Danny’s meeting with Dean Deucalion on Friday, his being cleared of all charges, actually offered the job of helping clean up the library computers, and stuff, was all overshadowed by the fact that our careers in radio seemed to be over before they’d even begun. Yeah, after that--we went to the Provost’s office on a whim. Peter Hale is probably one of the most charismatic creepers I have ever met. Not only did he compliment my skin, but he told me I should actually be avoiding black as it brings out the wrong colors in my tones. YEAH WHATEVER. If wearing “more earth tones” will bring my funding back, I’ll parade around campus in a potato sack.

Anyway, somehow Danny and I got Provost Hale to agree that those in the program should be allowed to finish their degree per the curriculum set in place. He promised that if we could raise the funds to keep the station open and pay its bills, he would waive the station closing.

So this is where I organize the hell out of everything once again. We are having a black tie dinner fundraiser and silent auction in two weeks time. Mark your calendars, Wolfies! I have basically sold my soul and called in every favor to get this lined up, so please, please, please spread the word and open your wallets!




Support Your Station! Friday & Saturday August 30-31

Join KBHU for a college-themed silent auction held over two days in the lobby of the radio station. We’ll be auctioning off new and gently used dorm room items like microwaves, coffee pots, and mini fridges, as well as an XBOX, complete set of LOST dvds on Bluray, and other entertainment items. There will be some great steals so definitely come by!

Come by the Student Union ballroom on Friday night for the Wolf Pack Auction--where you can buy a date and tutoring for a semester with one of our awesome radio personalities!

  • Better wear a belt because Danny Mahealani can charm the pants right off of you. Full of clever one-liners and dimples that make angels cry, Danny comes with a $45 gift certificate to Tsunami Sushi Bar & Grill, a round of Sake Bombs (21+), and a promise to show you dance moves you’ve never seen, nor will you forget. A night with this morning show host, star lacrosse goalie, and killer dancer will start at $100. His pledge is to be a tutor for a math level 300 or lower all semester.

  • The only female radio personality on KBHU, the lovely Erica Reyes is sweet, sassy, and owns more animal print than Cruella de Vil. She comes with a $30 gift certificate to Zio Freddos Italian Eatery, a bottle of sparkling cider, and a killer smile. Better watch out for this one--she’ll criticize your terrible fashion sense, talk your ear off about world politics, and tear apart your fantasy football team. Erica is minoring in Political Science and has agreed to tutor her date for the semester in any of the Poly Sci classes, BECA classes, Critical Thinking & Analysis, or Public Speaking. Bidding starts at $100.

  • Not a BECA student, but a regular at the station on and off air, Isaac Lahey is a sensitive, artful soul, who will talk to you about Russian Literature over an iced fair trade soy latte and raw vegan meal at Tad’s Downtown. Be mesmerized by those baby blues, warmed by a hand knitted scarf, and tutored in English by someone who practically lives in the liberal arts building. Bidding starts at $85.

  • Sexier than David Duchovony on his best day, radio personality Stiles Stilinski will let you win every game at Bill's Mini Golf Adventures. While he shows you the seven wonders of the world recreated, and he's not saying it was aliens, Stiles can tutor you in lower division chemisty or physics, Writing Analysis, and History. This easygoing date starts at $75 and includes an entire night at Bill's, a three course meal at Outback Steakhouse, and a semester's worth of tutoring. 

More dates and tutors TBA. 

And finally, Saturday night, join the Beacon Hills University community for the Howling at the Moon Black Tie Ball. Renowned chef, Laura Hale, will be serving an array of modern french cuisine:




While dining over such a scrumptious and tantalizing meal, you will be serenaded by the wonderful BHU Sting Ensemble.

Please join the BHU campus in supporting our radio program. Dinner, Dancing, and Dessert - $65 a ticket. $100 per couple. A table for 8 $400.


Please, my dear readers, print out these fliers and spread the word around campus. And if you have the money, come and out and support us. You know by now we know how to put on a party!!!





TAGS: #SaveKBHU, #Howling at the Moon, #why am I in radio, #I should be an events coordinator 


isaaclahmey writes: can we please get the “serenaded by the wonderful BHU STING ensemble” changed on the fliers and invites unless someone has some awesome news for me on our entertainment??

anonymous writes: how can you expect poor college students to afford this? 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: I understand not everyone can afford to donate, but our Wolf Pack Auction is a great steal at a semester's worth of tutoring. Some people might be able to convince their parents to pay for that. The dinner and dance is the cost of one video game or a few trips out to eat. If you really cared about your campus community, you could find a way to make it work. 

     isaaclahmey replies: hey anon, you can also volunteer to help with the events. Sign up in the lobby of the station. 


Wednesday, August 21, 2013


Seeing everyone come together for this fundraising event is singlehandedly the most stressful and also gratifying thing I’ve ever experienced. All of my friends, some of my enemies, and my professors, are coming up with great ideas, getting some awesome things donated, and fighting for our radio station.

Danny and Ethan have been scouring pawn shops and electronic salvages picking up things that they can tinker with and make great again. Because of some awesome donations from a few thankful library employees, they’ve been able to assemble two supercomputers. Or, that’s what I have been calling them. Apparently they’re like god’s gift to gamers. I’m told the specs are quite drool-worthy.

Stiles and Scott managed to get a ton of lacrosse merch, most of it signed, including--now keep your panties on ladies--a single poster of the entire team naked but holding their helmets over their crotch.




Isaac is even in better spirits after his complete meltdown on air. He and Allison made our signs and managed to get into an epic, and might I add wasteful, paint fight.




And later down at the station, I caught Stiles talking to Derek and Boyd. This interaction made me squee a bit, even though I know better than to think those two will ever reconcile their differences and be friends. In fact, ever since all this FB Stalker and radio funding stuff went down, I’ve been seeing less and less of Derek. I think his fight with Stiles at the pool sent him for a loop.






The theme is Howling at the Moon.


Again with the wolf names. I just do not get it.


It’s our mascot. Aroo.


We have to have a moon theme. Erica said silver streamers, string lights, uhh---something about soft elegance.


Nothing about wolves or howling is soft or elegant.


People would say that about you on first glance.


Anyway, the ice rink is donating a ton of lights. Why don’t you two go through them and see if there’s anything we can use. I’m going to call the party store and see about some streamers.

Everything is actually coming together! We are just waiting to hear back about the catering servers and bartenders. Provost Hale actually recommended a few companies to Derek. I may not have to pull out all my hair over this!







TAGS: #saveKBHU, #vernon boyd, #derek hale, #stiles stilinski, #men at work, #LET’S DO THIS



sallysophomore writes: I need to get my hands on that calendar! HOW MUCH? 

      anonymous replies: you best prepare for a battle. I WANT IT. 





Sunday, August 25, 2013


I am officially typing this whilst wrapped around the porcelain god in my bathroom. Somehow I thought drinking my weight in Jack Daniels was a good idea. I also thought Get Isaac Drunk Night was a good idea. Oh, dear me. Isaac Lahey drunk? Now there is a sight to see. Also, Isaac taking a backflip off the bar and landing like a Russian Olympic Gymnast--it was a night of unexpected surprises.

I’m not really sure what exactly set me off. Maybe it was this series of text messages:




I mean, that Geometry joke put him at a new low...Or perhaps it was these tweets:





Or the fact that he was listening to this song again (and again) (and again) on Spotify:




My suspicious mind would not be at ease, and with all the fundraising planning pretty much taken care of, I needed something to take my mind off of worrying. Well, I’ve stopped worrying. My head hurts too much to do much of anything other than piece together bits from that night’s string of booze and revelations.

First of all, never get into a drinking contest with a Lahey. You-will-lose. That paper thin, hipster smart ass can down liquor like it’s nothing. In my attempt to get romantic information out of him, I merely got him rambling about commitment and traditionalism, and then Shakespeare. Which Derek, who had joined us after our third round, was all too pleased to discuss. After they started arguing about Kenneth Branagh around our sixth round, Derek went to get more drinks, came back, and fell off his chair.  Isaac then collapsed in a heap of laughter. Then my jaw about dropped.





So fitting, Derek. So, so fitting.


His v-neck? Yeah, that should be illegal.


What do you mean?


That you fall on your ass like the Benedick that you are.


Isaac, shhh!


I am so lost. Boyd? Do you follow any of this?


Sadly, yes.


I am so sorry Derek. It’s all my fault for transperating...transpiring? Transpiring! ...Against you.


[many kicks delivered to Isaac under the table]


I mean, I have almost screwed my love life up as bad as you.

What love life?


Exactly. [pats Boyd’s arm.] I mean, we’re the ones that made you fall for Stiles. Or was it the other way around? Maybe we made Stiles fall for you. Yeah, that’s it. And then you went and made him hate your breathing guts for that whole Scott thing. Which, I’m not entirely sure I don’t hate you for that.


Derek, I’m so so sorry.


No she’s not.


Hey, it’s obvious he’s torn up over it, why don’t you show him some kindness.


We should never have tried to set them up. It’s so obvious, Derek and Stiles would never work.

It’s obvious? Is it? [Derek sips his beer.]


You two just rub each other in all the wrong ways. [Derek spit out his beer.] What? It’s true.

Well, congratulations.


For what?


Your unsophisticated half-assed attempt at a Shakespearean experiment actually did have the desired effect.


No way.


Wait, what?




No fucking way!


...lots of fucking ways. In lots of fucking positions.


Oh my god, he’s telling the truth. That’s something Stiles would say.


Congrats man. Let me buy you a beer.

[Boyd and Derek get up and head over to the bar.]


I mean--what? Right? Stiles and Derek? Derek and Stiles? …what a smaller portion of my readers have deemed “Sterek”. IT IS FACT. How is this possible? Boyd managed to pry a few more details out of Derek, who quietly explained that he had sort of worry-kissed Stiles after the FB Stalker incident. He’d found Stiles trying to scale Laurel Hall, threw him against the wall, and--oh lordy, did it get hot suddenly or is that the DTs? was my hangover. But still.

If I wasn’t in so much pain I would probably be happy for them. Huh. Oh thank god, Boyd is here with some hangover remedies. Best Boyfriend Ever.







TAGS: #get isaac drunk night, #tequila noooooo, #stiles stilinksi, #derek hale, #WHAAT, #Sterek? #still feel weird about that, #vernon boyd, #i may be hungover, #but my prince has come




      anonymous replies: YESSSSSSSSSSSS

tech_boyd writes: Isaac has some kind of immunity to alcohol. There is no way he is completely human. No one has ever outdrank me. 

     isaaclahmey writes: OH HOW THE MIGHT FALL. Don't try to out-vodka a Russian Lit major. You will lose. 







Tuesday, August 27, 2013


So today had a few interesting surprises.

First, triple science major Lydia Martin graced us with her presence at our crafty coffee session and proved that she has quite the talent for making beautiful candle centerpieces. She also managed to make me forget how much I dislike her for about four and a half hours. You see, Lydia wants to use a biofuel cell in plants to convert solar energy produced with photosynthesis into electrical energy in an environmentally-friendly and renewable manner. She is recreating a previous experiment using a variation. Instead of using cacti (“Because, ouch.”), Lydia will be harvesting and using Aconitum. Because I “have been known to gallivant across the mountains on occasion”, Lydia asked me if there were still lots of patches of it in our area. At first I said no, but then she clarified that Aconitum was also known by the name monkshood or wolfsbane.

Triple science major Lydia Martin wants to use the poisonous wolfsbane to make renewable energy. Apparently this purple perennial has the right chemical make up blah blah blah sensors blah blah. I guess she also just got a ton of funding backing this experiment because of its technological implications. When she dropped that bit of information, I was a bit peeved, to say the least. Science and advancement are important, but with my own department’s funding being squeezed dry, I really don’t want to hear about the inessential projects that are getting extra funding.

After about five minutes of restraining myself from kicking her across the room, I volunteered to walk with Isaac to get the napkin rings, candles, and boxes of string lights. For the life of me, I can’t remember him ever being so utterly happy. Sure, Isaac has his moments of assholish charm, witty jaunts and flirty smiles, but expressing actual happiness? Joy? A spring in his step?

Well, as we were piling boxes up into the back of Boyd’s truck, Isaac got a call. Apparently Scott was taking Allison to the airport and asked him to come along. SFO is about two hours away and Scott wanted company on the ride back. Supposedly. Because if I thought Isaac had been happy before, after the call he was positively ecstatic.

It all falls into place. But anyway!

Apparently Allison is going to the US Team Trials for the World Archery Indoor Championships. I wish her good luck and hope she kicks some serious ass.




So I called Derek to come help me after Isaac left. THREE WORDS: HICKEY FROM STILINSKI.







TAGS: #saveKBHU, #Lydia Martin, #I need to find a new rival, #Isaac Lahey, #Scott McCall, #Allison Argent, #making me proud, #Howling at the Moon, #OH GOD MY EYES



anonymous writes: I saw Lahey and McCall at El Mexicano the other night kind cozy if Lahey's foot under the table is anything to go by...








Friday, August 30, 2013








TAGS: #Howling at the Moon, #saveKBHU, #Wolf Pack Auction, #DRESSED AND STRESSED 





Sunday, September 1, 2013




Folks, am I still alive? I haven’t died? Somehow the fact that I survived yesterday is just insane to me. First, let’s talk about all you fabulous people who bid on things at the silent auction. Greenberg, you sweet, sweet enigma! What you need two supercomputers for, I do-not-want-to-know, but thank you for outbidding everyone on those! Your bids will pay for two month’s worth of electricity at the station.

For those who showed up to the Wolf Pack Auction, man, what a great time! Who could have predicted that Stiles would win the bids with $240! Guess we know Derek is a bit on the possessive side. Hope that isn’t coming out of your stipend…But we did raise over $1730 at just the Wolf Pack Auction alone, so thank you for that.


I went into Saturday thinking, “Hey, we are going to do this. We’re going to make it.”





Everything seemed to be going great. The ballroom looked like an angel threw up glowing orbs and hydrangeas. It was magnificent. Our local florists donated fresh flowers, Isaac ironed every wrinkle out of those tablecloths, and despite my personal opinion of her, triple science major Lydia Martin can make one hell of a centerpiece.

Walking around the ballroom, I held a sense of pride and solidarity in my chest. Everyone worked so hard and it seemed like we were really going to make it.

Then about an hour after the catering staff was supposed to be there, I was about ready to rip my heart out and serve it to Peter Hale on a platter. The company he recommended to Derek was a phony. We had hired fake servers and bartenders. When I went to tell Laura, she was nowhere to be found. She and her assistants had never showed up.

We didn’t know what to do. Derek frantically called her and when it started going straight to voicemail, he went out looking for her on campus. Worried brother aside, I had pretty much decided that Peter Hale had screwed us over. As we chaotically flipped through phone books and argued over dipping into some funds to get any kind of food, Danny had stepped in behind the bar and started serving drinks to the guests who had already arrived.

When Isaac was about to leave to pick up $450 worth of food from the Olive Garden, I walked out to the lobby of the ballroom and saw the line of people out the door. That’s when the sinking feeling of failure started to settle in. My vision started blurring with tears, so I didn’t quite recognize what I saw next. At first, I thought I had been hallucinating waiters, but then Danny lugged an arm around me and whispered, “We’re saved. We’ll never hear the end of this.”

The entire lacrosse team strolled into the ballroom dressed in matching black vests and ties, carrying silver platters, pans, and bowls. Behind them followed a line of chefs, and finally Jackson Whittemore with a huge smile plastered across his face. He walked straight up to me and Danny and said, “Having a party and no one bothered to invite me? I hope you don’t mind. We decided to crash it.” Jackson and the rest of the lacrosse team proceeded to wait tables all night. He even got some checks from a few lawyers in attendance that were friends of his dad’s.

Right about the time I was able to pick my jaw up off the floor, Laura Hale walked over to me with a huge smile and thanked me for what she called “a vacation”. Apparently her super full time job as head chef at Le Bon Loup in New York makes her feel like a walking corpse. When I asked where they had been this whole time, she merely frowned and explained her uncle had told her the ballroom didn’t have kitchen facilities. She’d set up shop in the cafeteria.





I ran into Jackson outside while I was loading a van. He seemed a little off, but told me there had been some mix up and that we needed to get to the event venue immediately.


Jackson, how did you know?


I overheard Coach say how Deucalion was thinking about making Scott McCall the poster boy of campus life starting with orientation this year. And I was going to see any one of the higher ups to try and stop that disaster from happening. So while waiting outside Provost Hale’s office, I heard him talking to someone about misdirection and sabotage. I heard him say “They won't even realize it until it’s too late.” Then I kind of put it together that you idiots had let yourselves get screwed over.


Peter set this up to fail?


It does appear that way.


He is going to shit himself when he finds out it was a complete success.

[pauses, looks around the room.]

Hold on, is that--is that my sister in a tuxedo? Um, excuse me.

While Laura Hale neglected her chef duties to harass her crossdressing sister, Cora, I went to the back of the room and took a huge breather. In a matter of a few minutes, the whole thing had been saved. Looking around the room as it filled up, I saw wide smiles and hopeful faces. We were going to survive this.

Then I realized that essentially, the night was just a battle won. Our promise from Peter Hale probably meant nothing. We were going to have to form a battle plan.

When this is said and done, I’ll tell you all about our midnight meeting, and the official formation of the Wolf Pack.

But for now, keep your eyes and ears open, because as I have learned the hard way, not everyone on this campus has its students’ interests at heart.







TAGS: #saveKBHU, #Holwing at the Moon, #PRESIDENT OF THE FIRE PETER HALE COMMITTEE, #wolf pack, #don't stop believing 


beaconchillsuniversity writes: the food was amazeballs. you need to get the older hale to move here and open a restaurant. also, she's hot. 

anonymous writes: It's like every time I try to hate Jackson Whittemore, he does something to make me question his soul-less-ness. 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: I am almost inclined to agree. ALMOST. 

BHalphaKali writes: you did not hear this from me, but I know for a fact Deucalion has been vying for Peter Hale's job for years. If you put your evidence together and present it to the board, with Duke on your side, and even President Argent, you can get Hale kicked out. 





Wednesday, September 4, 2013


What a beautiful day, isn’t it? Isn’t the sky clearer, the air fresher, the campus cleansed of that awful stench of embezzlement and corruption? That’s right, Wolfies. The Board of Trustees has officially CANNED Peter Hale.

The funding for KBHU has been returned, our program remains, and an investigation has been launched into the misappropriation of funds by Peter Hale and his assistant. All early signs point to him flooding the Medical Center with extra money in hopes of getting some attention on our regenerative research projects.

In other money news, the investigation into Matt Daehler apparently turned up over $4000 worth of money traced back to the library fine hike scandal. So if you were wrongly charged over the summer and had to pay an egregious fine, you can now go to the circulation desk and get a full refund. As you all know, Danny was hired to fix the library system before the new term starts.

From what I can translate into layman’s English, he has been able to get the catalogue, computers, and databases back up and running without malfunctions. But he found some weird stuff, things he can’t identify, that were unsalvageable programs damaged by the virus. Or, as he pointed out this morning on the radio show, possible traces of a program connected to the virus. Whatever it was, we’ll never know.




Speaking of sports, have you been by the lacrosse field in the past few days? Definitely get out there and show your support to our awesome team. Not only did they save the day with their smiles and moneymaking wiles, they stayed and helped with cleanup after the fundraiser. And all of that just for a free meal and a few drinks from the bar. The first game of the season will be at the end of September, but we have a scrimmage against Humboldt in two weeks. Let’s be sure to fill up the stands and show support for our amazing team!!






TAGS: #PALLY LOVE, #Stiles Stilinski, #we’re rockstars, #danny mahealani, #Say bye to Provost HALE, #happpppppy!!!!!!



anonymous writes: that creeper is finally gone. let the next one take his place. 

beaconchillsuniversity writes: Something tells me we haven't seen the last of him. 

dannymahealani writes: Please blast the lacrosse events! I am never going to hear the end of how Jackson saved us, blah blah blah. He wants the roar of a crowd to chant his name. His exact words. 

     shewolfsheblogs replies: that sounds gladitorial. 

     dannymahealani replies: they're making this season sound like it's gonna be to the death. 

     anonymous replies: you are playing OSU, so yeah, it is to the death. they took out six players in last year's semi finals. 








Sunday, September 8, 2013


Front row, baby, FRONT ROW SEATS at the Shakespeare in the Woods premiere of Much Ado About Nothing.  I listened to Mumford and Sons all day in preparation!

Let me just say first, that Isaac and the cast did a superb job adapting this story to a 1980s setting. It reminded me of Top Gun. While I could sit here and type out a review, give out accolades and applaud the performances, instead I’m going to focus on the ending.

And by ending, I mean the moment when Isaac stepped out from the curtain and got his round of applause from the audience. Well, that’s not all he got.



After he rose from his millionth bow, Isaac was joined on stage by Scott, who embraced him. And then kissed him. On the lips. Then, Allison rushed up and did the exact same thing. Then there was kind of this rush of other actors and the stage cleared, but it didn’t matter since that image had been burned into my brain.

Since then, I have scrolled through his tweets, those transcripts, his texts...and it all becomes clear. The thing that had been bothering me was that if Isaac had been in love with someone in a relationship, why was he standing around whining about it? He has no morals, he would’ve broken them up in a heartbeat. But now that I know he has been in love with both of them this whole time, it makes so much more sense. I bet it was really tearing him up, asking himself those bitter questions, trying to decide between being selfish and picking one or being alone. Well, looks like they made the decision for you, Isaac! I’d be making more threesome jokes but I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around it.





TAGS:  #isaac lahey, #scott mccall, #allison argent, #team lacallgent, #shakespeare in the woods, #much ado about nothing, #SIGH NO MORE, #NO MORE



anonymous writes: Isaac Lay-mee off the market? The only way this is okay is for a polyamorous relationship with the two prettiest people on campus.


Friday, September 27, 2013


Well, despite all of the virgin sacrifices I’ve been making to prevent this, triple science major Lydia Martin and her teammates won the Building the Future Award for their Banshee Theory.




On the bright side, Finstock officially announced the Fall radio lineup and guess who got kicked out of his prime time spot and off the radio program altogether? AIDEN DEUCALION. And guess who got his spot? Stiles! He’s keeping his conspiracy theory slot on Sundays but is starting a more itemized popular culture show with segments on tv shows, movies, food, and my personal favorite, video games.

I actually haven’t seen him to congratulate him, not since we were all presented with awards of our own (take that triple science majors everywhere) for our investigations that brought down the Facebook Stalker and our power hungry ex-Provost, Peter Hale!

Speaking of the Hales, all of that writing Derek did over the summer? You know, that was arguably inspired by his poor tortured heart? Well, it’s getting published. Look for Shakespeare Ruined My Life out in October in the University Bookstore. I’m told Isaac wrote a stunning review on the inside jacket.

And seriously? Somehow, Isaac, Scott, and Allison are still going strong. I asked Scott and Isaac how it all happened, you know, at what point did the idea Let’s just all date each other come to them. This is what I was given:



Saying the wrong name during sex? Not a problem for them now, I guess. Congratulations.

Well, I guess it’s time for me to talk about my love life. I can now state without fear, without inhibition, with only a heart full, I am officially in a relationship. It’s marked on the calendar, it’s facebook official, but most of all, it’s my commitment to my best friend that his happiness means everything to me. Vernon Boyd, I’m looking at you.

But I have so many amazing friends, and this summer has taught me that as long as we stick together, we can get through anything. And we pretty much have. I know this next semester is going to be smooth sailing now. Right? RIGHT?!?





TAGS: #summer summer, #ALL THE AWARDS BITCHES, #VERNON BOYD, #isaac lahey, #shakespeare in the woods, #the wolf pack





isaaclahmey writes: Great. That’s not going to jinx us or anything. Thanks, Erica.

daniellehasbiggerissuesthanyou replies: I gotta agree with Three Times A Lover Boy here. You just got yourself another hellaciously interesting semester. Can’t wait to see what hot water y’all land yourself in this time.







Transcript from KBHU Broadcast

6:47 pm


I promised myself I would never talk about the Bronte sisters on air. But here I am. With me is Stiles Stilinski, here to comment on the recent surge in-- what did you call it?

Monster classics.

Oh right. Until about five minutes ago, I thought it to be a handful of books, maybe two or three, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies--

Oh no, I mean, there’s dozens. Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, Little Vampire Women...Jane Slayre.

I wish someone would slay me right now.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Here, I picked this up for you on the way over.

No. This---this can’t be real.

Why don’t you tell the listeners the title of the next book you’ll be reading?

I’m not reading this.

Oh, yes, you most definitely are. Oh, come on Derek! It’s Russian steampunk, alternate reality, with a robot hierarchy!

You’re not exactly selling it to me, Stiles.

Selling what? Derek? Tell them what your next big read will be.  

...Android Karenina.