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Take Your Vampire to School Day

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Take Your Vampire to School Day

Author Notes and Disclaimer: Hellsing is owned by Kouta Hirano and Funimation. Not me. I only lay claim to my original characters and this plot and these words. Abandon all ye seriousness who enter here. This story is not to be an accurate assessment of the author’s grasp on the Hellsing series…or sanity.

A big thank you to the lovely and illustrious Iggy Lovechild for beta’ing this thing for me! If you’re an Alucard/Integra shipper, her blogs and stories are must reads!


It had hardly been a month since Alucard's revival, but the newly knighted Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing was looking forward to going back to school and getting away from the maniac.

Integra attended a prestigious all girls boarding school that all the upper echelon of England attended. It was run by a strict Headmistress named Florence Wilson. While the school was obviously accredited, it was blatantly obvious to Integra that all the girls attending were being groomed into perfect and obedient homemakers. All chances of Integra being married off and being little miss Mary Housewife had been shot in the face three weeks ago when she'd taken over Hellsing.

Of course all the standard core curriculum was taught, such as History and Algebra, and Integra had been enrolled in advanced placement classes. However, Headmistress Wilson would teach her own class, two in the afternoon every Friday, varying in subjects that Integra deemed useless.

They ranged from crotchet and needlepoint to etiquette and ballroom dancing. Integra would begrudgingly admit she had enjoyed last semester's lessons on horseback riding and that she'd learned how to play violin and piano from those classes. Headmistress Wilson had, of course, always screamed at Integra for refusing to ride side saddle.

The thing that really pissed Integra off was what Headmistress Wilson would say to girls who were not acting like proper ladies: She told them to ‘keep sweet.’ ‘Sweet’ was not one of Integra’s identifiers, not anymore.

Now that she was the was leader of Hellsing, her childhood was virtually over. She had people twice her age depending on her for their wages and even their lives. One wrong move on her part and her soldiers could be negatively affected. In order to assume the mask and title of ‘Sir Hellsing’, Integra had matured practically overnight . What Integra had wanted to do with her life was rendered mute. Of course, she had wanted to lead Hellsing one day. Previously it had been in the far ambiguous future. After both her father and uncle died of natural causes, not cancer or by Integra’s own hand, it had become quite certain. She was never meant to take command so early. Integra still wondered how her father knew better than to let Richard lead in his place.

Integra had taken an extended leave of absence in the middle of the spring semester due to father’s worsening lung cancer. It had been detected shortly after Integra's birth and the car accident that had claimed her mother’s life. Maybe Richard had poisoned him? Integra wondered. There were plenty of lethal concoctions down in the lab. Her father had sworn off the chemotherapy and radiation after what had seemed like the thousand and fourth round.

She was willing to bet the Hellsing fortune that he'd poisoned medications the doctors had given her father to keep him comfortable. Had her father seen Richard do it? Maybe he'd known that it had been too late to do anything about it and had accepted his approaching death. Perhaps that would explain why he'd told Integra of Alucard, hoping the vampire would protect his daughter from his traitorous brother. She would have found him eventually on her own. There were plenty of Hellsing records on his existence that she would have to read.

Shortly after her return home, as Alucard would put it, ‘the shit hit the fan’. Her father had passed away and her ‘dear’ uncle Richard attempted to assassinate her after her father had named her the new leader of Hellsing rather than him.

Now Integra was returning a few weeks before finals at the semester's end. Due to her ‘unique’ circumstances (being knighted at all of twelve years old and the entirety of the staff's school essentially afraid of her family as well Integra), she had excused from the midterms. They had been missed in favor of hiding in the Hellsing Manor’s air ducts and fighting for her life.

Her father’s--no--her body guards and security personnel had asked the headmistress to move her into a private room for her safety's sake. Integra was grateful that she was a protected class of citizen now. Her former roommate had always prattled on about stuff Integra just didn’t care about, like boy bands. All Integra cared about was getting good grades and surviving the semester without impaling someone.

That thought caught her off guard. Really, impaling? She'd been around Alucard for too long. She desperately needed to get back to school. She had five more years until graduation and then would never have to see those idiotic, so-called peers ever again. Integra truly hoped she could graduate and attend school on her terms, like a normal person rather than a twelve year old that already had a full time career. She wanted to attend regular semesters and graduate with her class instead of before or after them. After formal education, she had hopes for higher education and a degree in English. That is, if Hellsing didn’t get in the way. However, she was required to graduate. She was pretty sure there was a law about that.

After a long day of traveling, Integra made it to school and to her new room. A couple of the Hellsing Manor maids had come the day before to prepare her room and move her belongings. All she had to do was unpack her clothing and uniforms.

Unlocking the door, she flipped on the light and nearly jumped out of her skin. There was another girl on her bed! She looked to be Integra’s age with long black hair, dressed in white and red- wait, something wasn’t right here….

“Alucard!” She screeched, slamming the door shut so no one else would hear, “What in bloody hell are you doing here?!”

“Why to protect you and make sure you settle in alright like a good servant, Master.” Alucard replied. Instead of his deep and masculine voice, it was replaced by a sickeningly sweet voice of a little girl.

“That’s not why you’re here. You've probably pushed Walter to his limits, and lost interest in pestering him. I’m simply your next victim.” Integra said, tersely, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I wouldn’t say victim, Master. Victims are weaklings. You are anything but. I only reserve my pestering for the few humans I like.” Alucard said with a mad grin.

“I’m flattered, now get out.”

“Aww, but please, Master. I promise to be good.” Alucard pleaded and his--or rather her--bottom lip started to quiver.

“Bollocks.” Integra said through gritted teeth.

“Such language for a young lady! You’ve been around your soldiers and their filthy words too long.”

Integra sighed. She was too tired for this. Twelve years old and tired by four thirty. That being said, as of recently she'd not been getting to sleep until well after midnight. There was just so much work to be done.

“Fine, but you’re explaining this to Walter,” she snapped and left the room to wash up for dinner.

Integra avoided her room and servant. A little before five, she made her way to the dining hall. Upon entering, she saw most of the girls were amassed at a very popular table. Integra saw her old roommate and walked up to the congregation.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

“There’s this new girl named Elizabeth Stoddard. She’s awesome!”

“Oh god no…” Integra muttered under breath as she pushed through the crowd and to the table.

Alucard was in the middle of a riveting and entirely fabricated story about how he'd met and kissed the latest popular actor, causing all the other girls swoon. How he was so up date, Integra was not sure.

“Integra!” Alucard squealed obnoxiously, as was the tendency of many real girls at her age, and grabbed her to pull down next to him. “Sit with me! Do you all know my very best friend Integra Hellsing!? She’s a doll!” He cupped the side of his mouth and not conspicuously whispered, “She’s also a knight!” Integra imagined drowning him in the glass water to his right while saying ‘nothing to see here.’

All other girls scoffed and quickly dissipated. “What just happened?” Alucard asked, genuinely confused.

“I’m not exactly what you’d call ‘popular’, Alucard. I happened.” Integra replied.

“Well why the hell not? All these mouth breathers are practically mutts compared to you! They should be trying to climb your coattails.” His tone was heated with anger.

“They think that they rule the world. Let them have it before their future husbands subjugate them.”

“I honestly cannot tell if you’re being merciful or dark, Master. They don’t bully you, do they? If they do-”

Integra quickly cut him off, Alucard was starting to see red. He was rather protective of her. “No! No, they’re a bit afraid of me, actually. They leave me alone for the most part.”

“Good. As well they should," Alucard remarked with satisfaction as dinner was being brought around.

“Well damn. I painted myself into a corner with this, didn’t I?” Alucard sighed regretfully as he looked at the plate of delicious steaming food in front of him; food he was unable to eat. “Oh well, I’ll pretend to be anorexic.” He said flippantly, pushing the plate away.

“Alucard! Don’t joke about that!”

Suddenly, they both realized it had gone quiet. Integra looked up and saw that Headmistress Wilson was standing at the staff table, with the teachers seated behind her, and all eyes on the heiress and her servant. She felt her ears burn in embarrassment. It was time for the blessing before dinner.

“You know better than to speak out of turn, Integra,” Headmistress Wilson scolded.

“Yes, Headmistress.” Integra muttered, bowing her head like the rest of the students. Alucard played oblivious before Integra violently pushed his head down.

“Who’s the crone with the stick up her ass?” Alucard inquired after the blessing and the room had filled with conversation.

“She the Headmistress, Florence Wilson. God, I’m so embarrassed, I should tie you to a tree in the middle of the day for that!” Integra seethed. “Oh, I forgot, my family has spent millions of pounds over the years to build you into the perfect vampire - it won’t work.” She added sarcastically as she stabbed the roast on her plate.

“What exactly did you expect? I was never known for my table etiquette.”

“You were still nobility.”

“Master, I nailed turbans to the Sultans Envoy’s heads," Alucard drawled. "Subtlety is hardly in my vocabulary.”

“That’s blunt, even for you, Alucard.” Integra groused while she rolled her eyes.

She excused herself as early as allowed from dinner and took solace in the library, eager to catch up on her homework. A little bit of Alucard went a long way, and she needed space.

When Integra returned to her room for bed, she found Alucard lounging on it with a glass of wine mixed with blood. Likely it'd been a pilfered bottle from the staff's kitchen. For a second, she was worried about where the blood had come from, and was relieved to see a drained donor pack on her desk.

“Move.” She ordered.

Alucard shrugged and did as told.

“What am I supposed to do all night?” He whined, realizing that Integra was going to bed and had no one to bother.

“You should have thought of that before.” Integra replied shortly and threw him a pillow.

“What’s this for?”

“If you are going to ‘protect me’, you’re going to have to blend in. You will have to change your sleeping patterns and attend class with me. Since I’m sure you’re going to be stubborn and not leave until I do, I’ll have someone bring you your coffin. Good night, Alucard. Just to clarify: You're not to leave this room without me.”

Thanks to Integra’s ancestors, Alucard would be able to survive most conditions that would kill a normal vampire. He was able to go out during the day, as he'd always able to, but after Hellsing’s work on him, he no longer suffered diminished power. He could sleep during the night and didn’t always require his coffin of Romanian soil. Her grandfather had actually studied how long Alucard could last without it. After the fourth day, Alucard was significantly weaker and by the fifth suffered from lesser mental capacity. He'd also studied how long Alucard could last without blood, which was significantly shorter and with worse side effects.

Integra awoke the next morning to find Alucard asleep at her desk. On the wall in front of it was a mosaic of sticky notes. It depicted two stick figures in a violent death match. Integra shook her head at her servant and left the room to take a shower while there was still hot water.

Integra didn’t see Alucard during breakfast and assumed he was asleep. Good. He would cause less trouble that way. After breakfast, she made her way to her first class of the day, Advanced Placement English and Composition. She sat at her desk, front row, last one on the left, quiet as everyone chattered.

A few minutes later, her professor started the class. “Good morning, ladies. There will be no formal class today, instead I will let you spend our usual meeting time in the library to work on your research paper. Remember, it is over a topic of your choosing, between four and -”

Suddenly she was interrupted by the door opening and someone walking in. “Sorry, my pedicure ran late.”

Integra groaned and recognized Alucard’s new voice. He traipsed in and sat down next to her. It was too early to deal with him. She was going to have to have a talk with him later.

Her professor had no clue who Alucard was and reprimanded him sternly. Integra approved. Do not show him the slightest bit of weakness. Shortly after, the professor excused the class and everyone made their way to the library.

“Follow me, Alucard,” Integra requested flatly.

Integra took him to the library's top floor. It was seldom used, save for people like her who liked quiet to work or the upperclassmen that came to sleep between classes. So early in morning, the floor was deserted aside from master and vampire.

Integra roughly grabbed Alucard’s chin, his cheeks puffed out like a demented chipmunk, and red glowed eyes gleefully as they focused on her. Any attention was good attention to him. Integra held up the nearest book with her other hand, “If you do anything like that again, I will make this a part of your body.” She said darkly.

Alucard’s eyes moved to the book and he began to laugh maniacally. Confused, Integra looked at the book and read the title: Dracula. Of fucking course. Integra scoffed and dropped the book on the table before storming off to the other side of the library. Integra ignored Alucard for the hour as she gathered sources for her paper. Alucard spent it drawing moustaches and penises on pictures in any book that caught his fancy.

When it was time for her next class, Advanced Placement European History, she stood up, grabbed Alucard by his collar (happy to hear the startled choking sound), and dragged him along. She sat down at her desk. "Sit”, she commanded Alucard, who did as told. Her professor was already in the room and writing on the whiteboard. Integra turned to the chapter written on the board and quickly slammed it shut when she saw its content.

“Problem, Miss Hellsing?” Her professor asked, hearing the sudden snap.

“Just a certain disgusting, blood sucking mosquito,” Integra replied, forcing a smile.

Her professor gave her an incredulous look. Nonetheless, she turned back around and continued to copy her notes.

“What is it, Master?” Alucard whispered, concern lacing his voice.

“Don’t worry about it.” Integra demurred.

“No, what is it? I’ll get rid of it,” Alucard soothed, tried to take the book from Integra, but her hands were planted firmly on the cover, keeping it close.

“Don’t worry about it.” Integra repeated.

“Really, Master, let me see.”

“I said don't worry about it!”

Finally he wormed the book away from her and opened the book to the page in question. “Oho, who’s this handsome devil?” Alucard asked gleefully.

Today they were covering the rein of Vlad III Tepes.

“If you keep your mouth shut, I promise not to lock you in the dungeon until the stars go out.” Integra threatened with mock sweetness as she ripped her textbook out of his hands.

“Among the few things I am incapable of, Master.” Alucard grinned.

Class started soon after. “I see we have a new student, I don’t seem to have you on my roll.” Integra’s professor referred to the vampire.

“I’m shadowing Integra for the remainder of the semester," he replied coyly. Integra wanted to vomit.

“Well, I do hope you decide to stay, Miss Stoddard.” The professor nodded curtly before starting the lesson.

Alucard took every opportunity to either correct the lesson or impart additional knowledge. Everyone in the class seemed to wondered how this young girl knew so much about such a horrific part of history. As for Integra, she was wondering if it were possible to stab herself in the eye with a pen and get out of class with minimal damage.

“Actually, Tepes’ body was never found, leading the world to truly believe in the vampire myth. Many of his countrymen see him as a hero and hope for his return to restore Romania to it’s former glory. In his supposed grave chicken bones, of all the things, were found." Alucard added very softly for Integra's sake: "I can’t help but think Abraham was trying to say something with that.”

Alucard made it until Wednesday afternoon before the inane prattling of young girls got to him, despite effectively winning the title of most popular girl. More often than Integra would have cared to witness, she’d find him in the middle of cluster of girls, who hung on his every word. He went back to the manor saying teenagers gave him a migraine.

She'd caught him having his long black hair braided by Cassidy Elliott and nails painted an obnoxious shade of pink by Nicole Osborn. He'd even given relationship advice! Integra was fairly certain he'd deliberately lead the poor girls down the wrong path and part of her wanted to tell them not to listen to Alucard. Yet she probably would have ended up giving even worse advice, so she'd steered clear. The biggest influence he'd had on the girls was to ditch their copies of the latest vampire romance novel for Dracula. Every girl now pined over Dracula. That part actually made her laugh, even if it was indulging Alucard.

“Dracula was so misunderstood! All he needed was Mina’s love!” Integra had heard one girl harp before their algebra class started. She'd wanted to slap that girl. The child was talking about the same being who drank blood with a juice straw. Oh indeed, he was so misunderstood.

For the next few weeks, it was relatively peaceful. Well, as peaceful as it could be when you went to school with a bunch of girls. Girls were insane, bat shit insane. Integra knew this for a fact as she was one. Given the choice, she’d rather be with her smelly, male soldiers. At least they were simplistic enough to understand. Sometimes even Integra didn’t understand her own motivation. She didn’t blame Alucard one bit for leaving.

Finally, the end was in sight. All Integra had left was to make it through was the dance. She'd passed all her finals, had her new schedule for next semester, and tuition was already paid. Integra only needed to suffer the dance and then could go home!

At the end of the year, the school would host a formal to celebrate. The older students had their own, where the boys of the school’s sister school would be in attendance. The younger students would have their fathers and other male relatives as guests at a dance in the early evening. Integra’s grade was old enough to attend the coed dance. She would survive this night, tomorrow she could go home, and everything would be normal again. At least, the regularity Integra had come to know.

A little before the event started, Integra changed into a simple black dress and matching flats. All the other girls put more time into their attire. Her peers were dressed in short, tight dresses in patterns that were gaudy and gave Integra a headache. Maybe that too was from the perfume they practically bathed in. Some of the girls' mothers had taken their daughters to get their hair and makeup professionally done. Perhaps Integra would be tempted to do the same next year. She was quite sure some royal function would require more vanity, but for now she just wanted to feel her age. When she went home, she'd have to be anything but twelve years old.

After about ten minutes of horrendous music and seeing her peers raunchily grinding up against each other, Integra left the dance. Headmistress Wilson was sure to see how inappropriately her girls were behaving and have an embolism. Integra didn’t want to be anywhere near that drama.

She went back to her room and caught up on Hellsing's paperwork. A few hours later, she felt Alucard‘s presence in her mind.

‘You should come down to the dance.’

Integra groaned. What did he have planned? She imagined something big if it would entice him to leave the manor. Maybe he’d recreate the Stephen King novel, Carrie. That would be interesting. She quickly caught herself at that last thought. Alucard was her responsibility. Everything he did reflected on her and the honor of her family. She wasn’t about to let the family pet put a blight on her family’s illustrious reputation.

With a huff, Integra put away all her documents and went down to the ballroom. She managed to find a dark corner that wasn’t being abused for naughty things and surveyed the crowd. Nothing entertaining seemed to be going on. No sight of Alucard in any form: No six foot four lanky vampire nor impish little girl with red eyes dressed for a Siberian winter, not even a bat buzzing the girls' coiffed hair or eight-eyed hellhounds drooling in the punchbowl. Finally, the music slowed to a stop, and everyone’s eyes turned to Headmistress Wilson, who stood on the stage alongside the band with a glass bowl in front of her.

“Now ladies, allow me to announce our Belle of the Ball.” Headmistress Wilson said dramatically as she reached into the glass bowl filled with paper slips. She swirled her wrinkled hand around the bowl slowly. Her eyes were on the girls dying for their name to be called. Integra sighed in annoyance and took a drink of water. This was probably Headmistress Wilson’s sadistic idea of an exercise in patience. Finally, she grasped a slip of paper in her hand and unfolded it.

“Elizabeth Stoddard.”

Integra choked on the water and began to cough and gag. She was going to kill him; she really was going to kill him this time!

“Oh my god!” Alucard screamed dramatically. His shriek allowed her to pinpoint the vampire in the middle of the crowd. She dearly hoped that he behaved himself. He was back in his female form, wearing a red dress that was not dissimilar to the one Integra was wearing.

She watched as he scurried to the stage and accepted a giant bouquet of flowers and sparkling crown. Alucard even began to cry dramatically with a gratuitous amount of tears. Thankfully the black of the mascara cancelled out their unusual shade.

“You like me! You really like me!” He wailed.

Actually, if Integra were forced to admit, it was quite funny. That fearsome, infamous monster had basically won prom queen. The juxtaposition made Integra burst out laughing. Ok, she’d let him have this one. He was already wrapped around her little finger, and it wasn’t hurting anything. While sure she was probably going to be the most lenient master Alucard ever had (she could practically hear her family rolling in their graves for that), Integra couldn’t justify punishing him for this. He'd kept his persona in check and believable, so he hadn't embarrassed Hellsing overmuch. Having him with her had taken her mind off the past few weeks, and she'd needed that.

That being said, he was not coming back next semester.


Bonus Scene:

Integra physically couldn’t take much more of the music. It was too loud for her taste and she retreated to her room. She trusted Alucard enough to behave in this particular circumstance. He seemed to be having fun, too, and she left just as he'd been lifted into a crowd surf.

Integra returned to the work at her desk. About an hour later, Alucard materialized through her door. This time he appeared as his normal self, wearing riding boots, red duster, and dark suit. He was still holding the bouquet of flowers, and the crown was sitting crookedly on his head. The vampire looked absolutely exhausted.

“You look tired, Servant.” Integra observed, turning in her seat to follow him as he sat on her bed.

“That happens when all you’ve done for decades is sit in a dungeon, then attempt dancing amongst a group of people between the ages of eight and eighteen. The mosh pit was not my idea, don’t believe them, Master. I think I won though.” He began to stretch out on her bed but stopped himself.

“I think these will fair better in your care, Master," he sighed, handing her the bouquet, “As well, this would look better on you,” Alucard added as he placed the crown on her head.

Integra didn’t want to laugh and smile, but she did, “This is absolutely ridiculous, Alucard.”

“Life and unlife is not much fun without being a little bit ridiculous, Master," he drawled before sprawling out on her bed and going to sleep.