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Published:
2017-04-24
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2017-06-15
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Road trip

Chapter 7

Summary:

So, does this mean goodbye for good?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tim! Thank god!!”, was the first thing to reach the boys ear. It hadn't took Dick more than a split second to pick up the phone. He probably didn't even notice how the relief made him speak way louder than he had intended. Just like Tim barely noticed how the relief of hearing his brother's voice brought tears to his eyes.

Where are you?! I've been trying to reach you all day long! You and Jay, you guys cannot just disappear without telling anyone where you're going! Bruce and I were worried sick !”

Dick!”, Tim interrupted him before he could talk himself in a flow. “I am not here by my own will...!”, he said and didn't even realize that his voice was shaking.

In brief sentences he explained what had happened. He tried to choose words that wouldn't make Jason appear like a possessive insane but that turned out to be harder than he had expected.

 

Dick kept quiet for while Tim was talking but when the Red Robin was done, the first Robin's voice had changed completely. It was rough and cold and way to calm to not sound threatening. “Stay right where you are, Tim. I'll be there as soon as possible. Are you safe for now?”

Yes, of course!”, Tim quickly said. “It's not like Jason hurt me or something. His intentions were good from the start...!”, the boy tried to defend his boyfriend. He didn't seem to really convince Dick.

I'll come and get you.”, his brother's uncommonly dark voice said before he hung up.

Tim swallowed hard and stared at the phone in his hand. He wanted to get back to the other room, curl up in bed next to Jason, hug him tightly and whisper sweet nothings to him, like he would usually do, when Jason was asleep and he was lying awake. He wanted to nuzzled his face against his chest and fall asleep in his arm. He wanted to wake up by his side again, knowing that he was safe and well.

All of a sudden, he regretted calling Dick. No, he didn't. He still wanted to go back home. He couldn't live without the cape. Red Robin was an important part of Tim's life. Without him he simply wouldn't be whole anymore.

What he did regret, however, was the fact that he had set a seal on the end of his and Jason's relationship. He wasn't ready to let go of Jason yet. He wasn't prepared for leaving him for good.

But now it didn't matter anymore. Now he had lost any chance to take back what he had done. Now there was no way back.

 

With a deep sigh he finally managed to push himself up and stumble back to the bedroom. Mindlessly he threw the phone into the bag, not caring if Jason would see it or not when he woke up, and crawled back under the blanket.

He nuzzled in between Jason's arms, got back into his safe hiding place from earlier, and buried his face in his lover's shirt.

The warmth of Jason's body was nice and comforting but it didn't have all too much effect against the numbness inside of the boy.

 

Tim clung onto Jason and bit down on his lip. He wasn't crying but his breath was hitching as if he would be. Quietly, minding not to wake Jason up, he started whispering to himself.

Jay... I know you probably can't hear me right now.. but if you do – if this somehow reaches your mind – I want you to know that I-I love you with all my heart. And I truly believe that we were meant for each other. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you. I'm sorry I had to do this and I am so so sorry it had to end this way. I would wish upon a million stars if only it would make you stay with me after this. That we make it through this. But I am not that naive.”

He sighed and ran his hand over Jason's chest, feeling the soft fabric of his lover's shirt beneath his fingertips. “If I really never see you again... Thank you, Jason. Thank you for showing me real love. Thank you for showing me what I can do, who I can be. Thank you for holding my hand, whenever I needed you... God, thank you for everything...”

 

By now, there were tears dripping down his chin and soaked Jason's shirt. His quiet, monotone speaking was rather to comfort himself than to really say something, though he had to get this things off his chest. Maybe he should write Jason a letter, so he thought. On the other hand, the older male would surely wake up when Dick arrived... But would he be willing to listen then?

Tim sighed, unable to get his thoughts straight. Instead of getting lost any further in his own mind, he decided to just focus on the here and now for as long as he could.

Gently he stroked Jason's chest, as if to comfort him. As if too sooth away the pain he would cause him. As if to apologize.

 

He didn't really know how long he had been lying there in Jason's arm, staring at the wall with a dead expression, when a violent knock on the door tore the silence apart.

Tim instantly sat up straight and so did Jason, though Tim's heart wasn't racing because of a forcefully awakening but because of the burning guilt in his chest. Much to Tim's discomfort Jason was the first to get up and walk over to the door, mumbling quiet swears about whoever dared to wake him at such an ungodly hour.

From his position on the bed, Tim could not see Jason's face when he opened the door but he could vividly imagine how his boyfriend's face must have dropped at the sight of Dick. The Red Robin couldn't see his oldest brother's face either, for Jason covering it with his head, but if he was being honest, Tim preferred it this way. He knew only too well how frightening Dick could be when he was angry. And right now his anger rooted from deep, deep worry. Everybody knew that was the worst kind of anger.

 

Dick simply went over any kind of greeting and pushed Jason aside as he walked into the room. “Tim! Thank god!”, he exhaled and grabbed the shorter boy by the shoulders to pull him off the bed and into a tight hug. “I am so glad you're alright!”

Tim had always found it terrifying how fast the emotions that were displayed on Dick's face could change. While he had looked at Jason with a expression so enraged it could easily be mistaken for pure hatred, there was nothing but love and honest relief in his eyes when he looked at Tim.

Dick pushed the boy against his chest and held him there for what felt like a small eternity. His head was resting on the other male's chest and he could barely move an inch, due to his strong grip. The position he was trapped in forced him to look over Dick's shoulder and right at Jason's face.

Tim was certain he had never seen someone look this heartbroken before. He couldn't stand the confusion and the sadness in Jason's eyes. He couldn't stand to face the betrayal he had committed.

 

What are you doing here?”, Jason asked sharply, aiming it at Dick but looking at Tim. Dick spun around at an instant and furiously stared at Jason.

What do you think am I doing here?! I am taking Tim back home!”, he growled and let go of Tim in order to take a threatening step towards Jason. “What were you even thinking?! I mean, seriously, what was going on in your mind?! Did you picture this as some kind of tragic romance, running away together like they do in some old dusty books?!”

Jason crossed his arms but his eyes were on fire when he finally ripped his view off Tim and stared at Dick. “Don't you dare and make me the bad guy here!”, he snapped, leaning forward while he spoke. “You saw him back in that goddamn storehouse, bleeding and fucking unconscious! He could have died back then! And, take it from me, dying is no fun! I was just trying to avoid that!”

Dick put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Yes, Jason, I know. You died back then. And guess what, we all still feel terrible about it! But this cannot be your excuse for everything! You downright kidnapped him! Don't try and sugarcoat that!”

Fuck you, Dick!”, Jason hissed, clenching his fists. “You don't understand anything! Everything was perfectly fine but then you had to show up here!! This is none of your business anyway!”

It became my business when Tim called me!”, Dick said loudly and Tim wasn't sure if it was the sound or the words that made him twitch.

 

All of a sudden, Jason was very quiet. The rage in his face vanished and was replaced by disbelief. Slowly he looked over at Tim, then turned back to Dick and again back to Tim where his eyes finally stayed. “What...?”

Tim didn't quite trust his voice when he opened his mouth. Neither did he trust his legs to support him any longer if he would dare to look at Jason's face. “I-I'm sorry...”, was all that he managed to say.

 

Jason looked at him for a long time before he took a step towards him. Dick attempted to move between them but Tim gently placed his hand on his older brother's arm to let him know it was alright. Still, Jason kept some distance.

But... why? Things got better, didn't they? I mean, we were having fun together or not?” The man's voice was weak and low, nothing like it had been before, when he was screaming at Dick. “You're... You're not going with him, are you?”

Finally Tim dared to look up at Jason. He instantly regretted it. He could barely take the misery he found in his lover's eyes.

Jay... I'm so sorry but...” Tim's voice died away and he lowered his head again, hoping that Jason wouldn't notice the tears that were filling his eyes.

The taller man ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled in disbelief, staring at Tim with wide eyes before he turned away.

But. Sure. I wish I could stay but-. You might be right but-. I love you a lot but-!” Jason had a hard time stopping himself from punching a hole in the wall.

 

He wasn't even exactly angry, he just felt frustrated and lost and... scared. He had done so much to keep Tim save, to keep him close. And now they were ripped apart, not by death but by the life that Tim just couldn't leave behind. He didn't even blame him. Still, he felt like his dear heart was melting away, flowing out of his chest and leaving a nasty stain of the hotel room's carpet.

 

Well, I told you, I am not just gonna watch you die, Tim. I'd rather leave you for good than having to see you being beaten to death.”, Jason said coldly, trying to hide the pain in his voice.

Tim nodded slowly. He knew what was gonna come, still he prayed to all gods he had ever heard of that Jason wouldn't say it.

If you're leaving now, you won't see me ever again.”

Those few words coming from Jason's mouth hurt so much more than anything his enemies could ever do to Tim. He felt like someone was ripping his beating heart from his chest and forced him to watch while it was torn in two.

I know...”, he whispered. His voice was quiet and shaky and only audible due to the all-consuming silence that surrounded them.

 

Tim lost track on how long they have been standing there in silence when Dick made the first move. “I'm going to pack your stuff.”, he said softly, placing a hand on Tim's shoulder.

Don't you dare move an inch!”, Jason's sudden yell cut through the air and made Tim twitch. “You won't touch a thing before Tim didn't say to my face that he wants to leave!”

 

Oh, for heaven's sake Jason!”

 

Both, Dick and Jason winced and turned their heads to stare at Tim. Finally he had found his voice again. Now he was standing upright and looked at Jason with determination in his eyes. “I know what you are trying to do, playing those little psycho tricks, but no matter what you say, you won't make me stay here! I love you. Shit, I love you so much it hurts sometimes. But you just cannot ban me from my life, from everything that means something to me. And if I can only have one, then I am sorry but I can't do that...”

Slowly he walked up to Jason and placed his hands on his boyfriend's... Ex-boyfriend's shoulders. As he got on his tiptoes, he could feel that every muscle in the man's body was tensed up. He sighed and closed his eyes before hugging him tightly, even though Jason did not move a single inch to return the hug. No matter how much he would miss Tim, he just couldn't bring himself to wrapping his arms around him, knowing he would never let go again, once he was holding the man he loved.

I will miss you...”, Tim whispered softly. “Promise that you'll never forget me. And how much I loved you.” He pressed a kiss on Jason's cheek, equally gentle and desperate before he let go.

 

The sense of Jason's body still lingered on Tim's skin and every bit of him longed for the man's touch. Still, Tim was able to take a step back. Physically and mentally.

Let's go, Dick.”, he said before heading straight through the door, unsure if he could resist the urge to grab Jason's hand and run if he stayed a little longer.

 

Wordlessly, Dick stuffed Tim's things into the bag before he threw it over his shoulder. When he passed Jason he stopped and sighed, turning to him once more. “I'm sorry, little wing. I'm just... I'm very sorry...”

Jason crossed his arms and looked away, not making a sound but giving the floor a deadly glare.

Dick sighed once more and shook his head before he followed Tim out of the room.

 

When Dick arrived by the car, he found his brother leaning against it's door, sitting on the dusty parking lot floor. He hid his face in his hands and was shaking like crazy. Dick sighed and lowered his shoulders, looking at the broken boy with honest sympathy in his eyes. He dropped the bag and knelt down in front of the shivering mess of a boy.

Are you- Oh hell, I know you're not okay right now. I am so sorry, Tim...”, he said softly and attempted to hug the shorter boy but he was stopped by a gentle but firm push against his chest.

I'm alright. I can handle that.”, Tim said, even though both of the boys knew he was lying. With his legs still barely carrying him, he pulled himself up on the car's door and opened it to let himself fall into the passenger's seat. He buckled his seat belt before allowing himself a last, apologetic look at the hotel where he had left Jason.

 

Dick threw Tim's bag on the backseat as he got behind the steering wheel and rubbed his eyes before he started the car.

Then, they were driving back to the manor. And away from everything that had ever felt like home.

 

Notes:

I know, this chapter was a very VERY emotional train wrack but I hope you actually enjoy suffering through this ( I mean, I do. Maybe you do too, who knows...!)
But I promis, things will get better after this! I swear!