Chapter 1: Friend or Fuck (Heather Chandler)
Heather Kimberly Chandler was glowing today.
She was beaming with pride and skipping with joy.
Heather has managed to turn psycho trench coat kid into a passable fuck.
Do not be mistaken, no other human on this earth would be able to accomplish this (Especially that poser Duke, no matter what she might claim).
He still wears the lame ass coat, but Heather Duke has managed to trim the hem so it would reach his knees rather than ankles.
A massive improvement that was hard fought for.
Heather has shown him the wonders of hair gel and concealer (seriously his eye bags were so dark it looked like he just smudged eye shadow underneath his eyes for the aesthetic. In fact, Heather was rather surprised when this wasn’t the case.).
They haven’t been able to talk to him down from the earring yet but the actual jewelry piece (If you could call it that) has been replaced by a much simpler silver stud.
Most of the time.
JD occasionally relapsed and went back to the gold hoop.
But usually the silver stud.
For the time being.
There is no way Heather is letting him keep the piercing for much longer.
That all being said Heather spoke to Heather and Heather yesterday and they all agreed it was time for the next phase: To get him a girlfriend or boyfriend.
After a deep discussion all Heather's agreed it should be a very short term thing, a week or two at the most, just to show he was dateable.
Anyone would do.
It was after that JD and the blank space that would occupy the week broke up that the Heather’s would worry about finding a more suitable partner for him. And by suitable Heather means rich and popular.
Maybe Courtney Stevens?
She was a total bitch but worth considering.
Her little friend, Amanda or Ashley or whatever might be better for the cause. She was so desperate for the spot light she'd probably fuck Heather M despite being straighter then an arrow.
All three Heather swung around to their table in the caf. They all sat down, prim and proper.
JD was already sitting at the table. He was typing on his phone. Heather literally could not fathom who in hell he could be texting. Heather, Heather & Heather were his literal only friends. Heather decided she didn’t want to know.
“OK My Chemical Romance, Today we have decided it's time to get you into the world of friend or fuck. Girl or Guy, pick your poison.” Heather barked at him. He glanced up from his phone before snorting and turning his attention back to scrolling. Heather grit her teeth. The Stupid Fuck. Today was not the day to test her.
Heather was prepared to bitch his punk ass out before Heather Mac cleared her throat. Heather frowned. If Heather M really wanted to waste her time trying to be 'nice' to Jason Dick, it was her funeral. Heather gestured for Heather Mac to go ahead and try. Heather M beamed and she leaned to look over JD’s shoulder.
She watched him scroll through his phone before taking hers out and sending a message in the Heather's only group chat.
MacAttack: Omg he’s on Instagram
RedBitch: He doesn’t have a Instagram. He refused to get a Instagram. He said that social media 'churns out slaves and blanks’ and is for 'the unwashed masses’.
MacAttack: He does now
Green-N-Mean: What’s he looking at?!
Heather M peered over JD’s shoulder again.
MacAttack: It's a girl. We gotta angel
Green-N-Mean: Did you mean angle
RedBitch: Shut up Heather
“Sooo, sweetheart, is their some you like?” Heather M cooed in his ear. Heather rolled her eyes. Subtle, Heather.
JD looked up from his phone. He had a small smile on. “Maybe”
This intrigued Heather. Just what kinda girl got the attention of a human catastrophe like JD?
“Who?” Heather D demanded.
“I don’t know her name yet.” JD admitted. The got a smile out of Heather.
“Slutty, nice, is she in the caf? Point her out." Heather ordered. JD didn't move.
"Wait, how do you not know her name? Aren't you Instagram stalking her?" Heather D asked.
"Trying too." JD responded. Heather refused to be ignored any longer by Jason Fucking Dean.
"Are you deaf from all your pretentious screamo? Point her out Dean.” Heather demanded.
JD scowled at her and pointed towards Martha Dunnstock's table.
That's more like it.
He is pointing toward Martha Dunnstock's table.
Heather had two reactions: Her internalized and externalized.
Martha Dunnstock? When did JD ever talk to Martha Dunnstock? Heather thought. Internaly.
“Oh my fucking god you are not into Martha Dumptruck.” is what Heather snarled out loud. Externally.
“No I’m not. I don’t have anything against her either, just to be clear, because I’m not a petty bitch like some people who’s, to give you a hint name starts with H.” JD stated, not looking away from Dunnstock's table.
“Eat my entire ass Dean. Is it Dump Trucks ambiguously fuckable and ethnic friend?” Heather drawled. She took a glance at the girl in question. She had dorky glasses and was overall frumpy looking. She would serve her purpose but someone with a bit more status was preferable.
“No. Not her. The girl in blue, next to her. She’s a total goddess.” JD said. He got this dreamy look on his face that made Heather want to punch him between his eyes.
All the Heather’s looked at the aforementioned girl in blue. She was pale, with dark hair in a total suburban mom haircut, and a blue sweater dress that did nothing to flatter her likely chubby figure. And she was short. Probably really short.
“Are you fucking kidding me.” Duke dead panned.
“Hey Duke, do me a favor and staple all your fingers together all right?” JD snapped.
“Jason Christian Dean I have never been so disappointed in you. And that's fucking saying something, you wear a trench coat unironically. Just, Why? I don’t understand why. She’s not even that cute. She's kinda fat” Heather D ranted. Heather nodded slightly. All of that was true.
"And your voice kinda makes me want to kill myself" JD shot back. Heather snorted. Also true. Heather shook her self out of her amusement and reminded herself that now was the time to drag JD. Not Heather D.
“I took you into my house. I gave you attention and gently prodded you into success-” Heather began.
“You told me to wash my bullshit down with bleach-” Jason interrupted.
“And you repay me by wanting to fuck Martha Dump Trucks no named best friend. Who is not fuckable in anyway shape or form.” Heather finished. Well, that wasn't 100% true. If Miss Dump Trucks friend did something different with her hair, wore a different out fit and just... tried something different in the face area, she could be really pretty. Heather might even consider fucking her. That doesn't matter. What matters is that JD was probably making all of this up to fuck with Heather. Her cold eyes scanned JD’s face for any sign for him lying.
“First of all, Slut, she reads Baudelaire,Ok? And secondly,IT'S TRUE LOVE BITCH” JD sneered at Heather. Heather was not impressed.
“I swear to god, you could have even fucked one of us if you really put your mind to it, but nooo. Instead you pull this bullshit. It makes me want to puke.” Heather D growled. Heather wrinkled her nose at that. While it was true Heather once upon a dream considered having sex with JD, she soon came to her senses when she found out just how fucked in the head he was. Heather was pretty sure Heather D still wanted to fuck Dean but that was a problem for another day.
“Pretty sure you took care of that need before lunch, no assistance from me need, skank.” JD snapped. Heather smirked at that. Oh, how she loved Duke and Dean's little verbal spars.
“She has good bone structure. And a symmetrical face.” Heather M piped up. JD’s angry expression turned bright.
“I know right?!” JD gushed.
Gushed. Heather’s eyebrow twitched.
“JD. You are going to explain yourself now. Begin.” Heather commanded.
She has never regretted something as badly as she regretted uttering that sentence.
JD went on for fucking ever. He was just spewing all this flowery bullshit about how 'She was all that was right about this broken world' and 'she had a soul' and is 'perfection in the flesh'.
He literally would not shut the fuck up.
“JD I swear to god if you don’t stop I am going to kill myself” Heather groaned. She looked at the clock and they had two minutes left of lunch. JD has been babbling about this loser for a twenty minutes.
“Yeah Ok Heather, and she smells like really good, like vanilla or cinnamon or something-”
“Get therapy.” Heather snapped.
“JD. My buddy. My guy. You do not know this girls name. Can you maybe chill for two seconds?” Heather M pleaded. She looked as if she was about to lose her shit. If Heather M was about to lose her shit you know you need to shut the fuck up.
“I have probably been in classes with this girl since kindergarten and yet have no recollection of her existence. She’s not even her own person, she's just Martha Dumptrucks no named friend. What does that say about her?” Heather demanded. She was totally exasperated. Today was supposed to be a win. Another success in the ‘Make JD Beautiful’ project. But of course, Red Dawn just had to fuck it up. Just like he did with everything else in his sad, sad life.
JD rolled his dark eyes. “You couldn’t recognize your own grandmother at the mall. What does that say about you?” JD asked.
Heather grit her teeth. “That was one fucking time and we all agreed to forget about that-”
“We’ll see what we can do! Don’t worry sweetheart, we won’t let you down!” Heather M chirped.
JD raised an eyebrow. “You already have.”
“JD, I swear to god, don’t fucking underestimate us, ok? I’ve known this girl for ,um,er, a while! Yeah, while, dicklord!I can get your ungrateful ass an in, you piece of shit trash. Got it?” Heather D huffed. Heather cringed. Heather D was really shit at lying on the go.
“You’ve known her a while? Really? Yeah, sure, Duke. Lunch is over and I’m done here, I’m done with all of you, goodbye and don’t call me” JD snarked and hopped up to throw away his tray.
“Do you actually know something about this chickie?” Heather M asked.
“Shut up Heather.” Heather snapped. She was going home and she was getting drunk. Very drunk. She’d need to be drunk for this bullshit.
Chapter 2: In a name (Heather Duke)
In which Heather Duke tries to remember Blue Bitch's name
Heather Duke has spent eons trying to remember her name. It either starts with a V or R. She knows this. She can feel it in her bones.
“Her names...Velma? No no no.. Verity? Vanessa? Violet?” Heather tries. She racked her brain. The blue girl from lunch was familiar. Back in the day when Martha and Heather were still ‘friends’ the blue girl would sometimes hang out too. But that was way back in elementary school. God what was her fucking name?
“I'm pretty sure it starts with a R. Like maybe Roxanne or something. “ Heather M chimed in.
Heather ignored her. V sounded right. But what could it be?
“V-Valerie? Maybe? It's either Valerie or Vanessa I swear” Heather says. Valerie sounded about right. It was pretty enough. But not it.
“She kinda looks like a Valerie.” Heather M noted. Heather agreed. Valerie was preppy and rich white mom sounding. It fitted JD's little crush.
“Bitch please she's totally a Vanessa. Did you see her stockings? She’s a secret sl-ut." Heather C drawled. The bitch wasn't even paying atention to the conversation, too busy applying blush to her cheek bones. Who made her captain of the bathroom conversation anyways?
" JD sure knows how to pick em. I'm pretty sure her name is Vicky or Victoria or something. “Heather C said. She lazily put down the blush and swiped more mascara on. Heather’s brows furrowed in concentration. She knew if she just had enough time, enough concentration, she would emerge victorious. There was no fucking way that this was going to get the better of her.
Heather pursed her lips and examined her reflection for flaws.
God damn it.
What the fuck is this bitch's name?
“Maybe it's Ramona?” Heather M helpfully supplied as she fixed her side ponytail. Heather sneered as she whirled to face Heather.
“Her name isn't a fucking R name!I swear to god it starts with a V. It's a total suburban mom name to to match that awful hair cut.” Heather barked.
She got herself back into the zone.
She searched her soul.
She looked into her oldest and murkiest memories. Memories of playing with Martha on the swing set in kindergarten. Fuck, that was forever ago. The blurry shape of Martha's other friend took hold.
Heather opened her eyes.
“Vivienne! That's it!” Heather shouted. Her voice echoed in the girls bathroom.
“Why. “ Heather C deadpanned. Heather deflated.
Yeah ok. Maybe Vivienne was a bit much.
But it was all Heather had.
God Fucking Damn it!
“JD did this just to fuck with me. I swear to god if he changes his mind about this chick I will end him.” Heather seethed. She can almost picture his mocking yet admittedly handsome face, smirking and telling Heather it was all a gag, all to get her worked up about some nobody.
Heather would not let Jason Dean win.
Not now not ever.
“Maybe it’s Viola or Vega or something new agey?” Heather M pondered as she added another swipe of eye shadow.
“Shut up Heather” Heather C snapped as she got out her blood red lipstick.
Blood. The substance JD was going to be covered with if Heather has to spend one more minute thinking about this shit.
“Sorry Heather” Heather M simpered. She added her gold eye shadow to her other eye.
Heather looked at herself in the mirror.
She got out her lip gloss and started smearing it on.
Mom always said that makeup was war paint.
Heather felt like she was in a war. And you bet your sweet ass she’d win.
Fuck this Blue Bitch.
Chapter 3: Progress (Heather McNamara)
Heather's Son makes progress with the girl he likes. She's so proud.
JD sprinted to the lunch table. His Extra™ ass coat flapped behind him and sat down on the bench with a loud THUMP.
“GUYS I TALKED TO HER” He burst out. He had this huge, maniacal grin on his face that worried Heather McNamara. Her newly adopted Son™ has been super duper stressed lately. Heather just wanted him to have a nice long nap.
“Hello to you too” Heather D droned. She was giving JD a look that to an outsider would have mistaken for blank. But because Heather and Heather D were bonded in sisterhood, Heather knew that Heather D was vaguely pissed with Heather’s Sweetheart baby boy who was taller then all of them.
Heather wasn't sure why. She would have to talk to Heather D later.
“Who and why?” Heather C said in a cranky tone. Heather was willing to give her a free pass because Heather C was hung over.
“ The girl I'm into! Her names Veronica!” JD gushed, his grin getting even bigger. If Heather wasn’t so sure of her Son’s™ pure and wholesome nature, despite what his Edgelord tendencies would have you think, she’d have been a little scared of that grin.
Heather Duke mouthed the V name in pure fury because she thought of literally every other V name but Veronica. Including Vivienne. Heather winced when she saw. Heather D had been texting her all night Tuesday to try and figure out her name. Heather worried about Heather D for a moment. She knew Heather D would bottle this bitter rage up, keep it tightly locked in a too small bottle, and then unleash it all in a horrific and beautiful wave of violent anger, probably all aimed at some unsuspecting nerd who doesn’t understand why.
Her baby boy talked to his little crush!
“Aw that's great Sweetheart! I’m so proud! How'd it go?” Heather squealed. She leaned towards JD so she could take in every detail of his facial expressions and analyze them for any sign her Son™ being upset by the Blue Bitch. If she hurt Heather’s baby she would pay.
If all went well, then they’d be so cute together!
“It went pretty fucking good, not to pat myself on the back. I told her about my suicidal tendencies and how I use slushies to numb the pain of my mom's suicide” JD chirped.
Her Son™ has done a stupid.
Heather’s mind raced.
How could she fix this?
“Can you get more socially retarded? Is that a thing? Literally talking to you right now makes me feel stupider” Heather barked. Heather bristled a little at Heather's lack of tact but again forgave Heather C for her bitchiness. She’s only mean because she cares.
“Do you do this shit on purpose?” Heather D said, panic lacing her voice. Heather put a consoling hand on her shoulder. Heather D was still worked up about blu-Veronica’s name. Damn, they can't call her the Blue Bitch behind JD's back anymore. Even though Heather was super excited to know her name, she would kinda miss playing detective and sneaking around her locker with Heather D.
“I will end you” Heather D’s went up an octave. Ooh, Heather was going to have to do damage control. Both with JD's oopsie with Veronica and JD's making Heather Duke mcfuckin pissed.
“Fuck off it went great! I got to buy her stuff!” JD said cheerily. He was still grinning. Why was he still grinning? Doesn’t he understand he has scared away his maybe soulmate? Probably forever?
Heather’s heart beat faster in her chest. Her Son™ would not end up alone. Not on her watch.
“Never talk to anyone ever again. It's causing me physical pain.” Heather C demanded. She rubbed her temples with her manicured bright red nails.
Heather intently stared at JD, who was still on cloud nine.
He wouldn’t end up alone.
Not him. Heather peeled her eyes off of him and turned to look at Veronica.
She was happily chatting with Martha Dumptruck and her other friend, Bonnie? Whatever her name was.
She looked back to JD, who was staring at Veronica with a dopey smile.
Chapter 4: If Heather says so (Ram Sweeney)
Ram gets ordered from the demon queen.
Ram has had enough of all the hot snatch flailing and fawning over the Bo Diddley lookin’ kid.
He was furious and prepared to totally annihilate his ass. In a non sexual way- a very non sexual- whatever, the kid was going to get his ass beat.
And then, by some miracle of the gods, a freak accident, Finding Emo managed to kick Ram and Kurt’s ass.
If it has happened to anyone else, Ram would have called the fight a master piece. Trench Coat Kid managed to separate the two jocks, headbutt Ram three times before moving on to spin kick Kurt in the stomach. The worst part was the Heather's were all watching, all pointing, all laughing.
Ram had had enough. Until Heather Chandler spoke with him and Kurt.
“So you’re saying...to...be friends....with Eyeliner?” Ram said. He was utterly confused. Why would he want to befriend the jackass?
Heather rolled her eyes. “Yes Ram. For the millionth fucking time.”
“Why the fuck would we do that?” Kurt snarled. The new kid managed to split his lip and gave him a bruise across his cheekbones. Which was a pity, because Kurt had a totally smokin’ face. Um. Anyways. That’s what Ram was just saying! Why would they do that?
Heather’s eyes rolled to the ceiling again. It was the same look that Ram’s mom got when she was praying for patience with him or his little sister Shelley.
“Because, you idiots, you all have a lot in common.”
Ram incredulously stared at Heather. “I sure don’t think so. I don’t like dicks.” Ram thoughtlessly said. While that wasn’t 100% true, Ram could stand by the part about not having a lot in common with Trench Coat Kid. Heather gave her infamous shut the fuck up face and Ram obeyed. You just don’t ignore that expression from Heather.
“Sure you do. You guys all have daddy issues, fight each other, are tall… you all like us.” Heather cooed. Ram knew by us she meant the Heather’s. Ram mulled over what Heather said. It was true he had issues with his dad and getting into fights. And that he was tall. While Ram wasn’t sure if he liked any of the Heather, he did want to bang them. Which was kinda the same thing, right?
“What about you guys?” Kurt asked.
Heather smiled at this. It wasn’t a ‘oh, haha, you guys are so cute” or a ‘Yes I am horny’ smile. This one was sharp like knives and made Ram nervous.
“Well...we’re friends with JD. And if you’re friends with JD…”Heather paused and looked at the two footballers expectantly. Ram and Kurt looked at her with blank expressions.
She scowled. “And if you’re friends with JD..then we could all be friends.” Heather finished in a deadpan tone. The jocks remained confused.
“Then we can be friends.” Heather emphasized. Ram still wasn’t sure what she meant.
Heather had a really crabby look on her face when she grit out “Sex.”
Oh. Yeah. That made sense to Ram.
Still, The mere suggestion shook Ram.
It was like that meme with the lady doing math.
To fight...with..Trench coat kid?
JD, Ram’s mind helpfully supplied.
To..not fight against him?
There was silence between the three. Heather still looked pissed. Kurt looked thoughtful. Ram kept his eyes on Kurt. Kurt was a really smart guy. He’d think of an appropriate solution.
“You know...that JD kid is really tall. He should go out for the basketball team.” Kurt finally said.
Ram took his cue.
¨If you say he's cool Heather then I guess he’s cool. Maybe we should bring him to that party Mike is throwing…”Ram said.
It was all said and done.
Heather was going to make something out of this loser, and Ram‘s hands were tied.
At lunch they attempted to talk to the kid, with mixed results.
¨Hey, JD, right?¨ Kurt asked.
JD raised his eyebrow.
“That depends who's asking.”
“Us freak.” Ram sneered. Kurt smacked him and gestured toward the Heather's, who were watching. “Uh. Anyways. Just wanted say sorry about y’know...the fight and all that. Kinda got out of hand.” Kurt rubbed the back of his neck. JD looked them up and down with dark eyes. The Heathers, from their table, watched.
“Apology accepted.” JD said.Kurt held out his hand but JD didn’t shake it. Kurt then shrugged, grabbed Ram, and led him back to their table.
Ram supposed that that JD kid was alright. He had to be, if Heather said so.
Chapter 5: Bathtub (Heather Duke)
Heather Duke has some texting problems.
Heather Duke wasn’t sure why the ever loving fuck she even bothered to text the human garbage pile known as JD. All he wanted to talk about was that Veronica bitch. They’ve gone out maybe five times. He needed to chill.
JD: Yes I’m pretty sure dead people turn her on
HD: I can’t begin to tell how wrong that sentence is
JD:So that’s a no go on the cemetery date then?
HD: Just promise me you won’t try to summon a demon
JD:I promise I won’t summon a demon
HD: I don’t completely believe you, but that's fine.
Heather put her phone down and opened up her laptop. She really didn't want to talk about Veronica fucking Sawyer anymore. Who did that little slut think she was anyway? Heather opened her new coding program and started fucking around on it. It was a little known fact that Heather Alice Duke is something of a computer geek. Heather has had interest in them since she was young. The only thing she ever really applied them to was hacking people’s profiles and the like.
Heather allowed her mind to wander. Really, Veronica wasn't even hot or anything. She was short and kinda chubby, with eyes that were way too big and a really fucking stupid haircut.
Heather supposed she was kinda smart. Veronica was in AP classes and in the honors society. But Heather was smart too. She was super well read and in honors society right alongside that freckled face bitch. JD wasn't up Heather's ass with romantic outings and sweet devotion and cute nicknames-
Heather let out a frustrated groan. While her program was top of the line (her mother wouldn’t allow anything less) Heather was still having trouble with one sequence. She chalked it up to by JD's bullshit. Heather huffed and slammed her laptop shut.
Heather was a way better catch than Veronica Whatever Sawyer. That was the real moral of the story. Maybe one day JD would understand how fucking dumb he is.
She snatched her phone from her bed and idly checked her texts. Nothing from Heather or Heather. Something from JD though. Why is it he was the only person who ever texted her?
JD: I just realized that you wear green so much because you’re bulimic
Heather’s hands shook with fury as she rapidly texted back.
HD: Are you fucking kidding me?!?! How the fuck does that even make sense
JD:Cause bulimia green. You know
HD: No Dean. I don’t know. Eat my entire ass dickhole
JD: I’m sorry I got confused, did you want me to eat your entire ass and your dickhole or your ass’s dickhole
HD: Fuck. Off. Eat my entire ass, dickhole
JD: Thank you for the clarification, doll
A low battery message popped up on Heather’s phone and she threw it on the charger before going into her bathroom. She had her own attached to her bedroom, Jacuzzi tub include.
What the fuck was JD doing, texting her all that bullshit? Why was he like this? Heather contemplated that very question often. Heather knew things with his dad were pretty fucked up. And his mom? Woof.
Heather's relationship with her parents was pretty shitty but she was fine.
A walking door mat for Heather Chandler, without any real friends and a bulimic freak, but OK.
Speaking of her amazing bathtub, a bath sounded pretty good right now.
Heather turned on the hot water and sat next to the tub. She scanned her bathroom out of pure boredom. Lipstick, bathbombs, skin care products and a myriad of other beauty products.
She heard the distant sound of her phone beeping. She rushed out of her bathroom to check who texted. JD. Of course.
JD: I’m an angry asshole. Sorry bout my entire life.
HD: You are both an asshole and angry, but you shouldn’t be sorry. Own it bitch.
JD: That sounds hard so how about no
HD: I do it all the time. Works pretty well for me
JD: You’re not a good person. You accept that and are fine with it. I can’t do that shit. I’m an angry asshole and I want to be a even bigger fuckhead but I need to be a good person. It’s a never ending cycle of wanting it to end. When does it ever end?! Everyone's an asshole and doesn’t deserve to be here, but I’m not any better. I want them all to disappear but I’d have to leave too. I want to make the world decent for decent people but how can I when when I’m not decent. You know?
Heather bit her lip. She texted out a message and pressed send. Hopefully this wasn’t to gushy or weird or shit for him.
HD: First off, none of that made sense. Second,You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. And third, what is with you tonight?
JD: Nothing. I’m fine. Night Heather.
Heather was going to respond but the sound of water on tile distracted her.
She rushed to the bathroom. A small puddle was forming on her bathroom tiles. Heather hurriedly turned off the water and opened the drain.
She sighed and grabbed some towels from the closet. She cleaned up the bathroom, tied up her hair, and undressed.
Heather listened for her phone but it didn’t ding again.
Chapter 6: Butterfly (Heather McNamara)
Heather is sad
Heather Mcnamara was feeling bad today. She couldn’t put her finger on it. Her outfit was precisely what Heather C wanted for the lunchtime poll. Spring themed. Heather wore a flower crown. Yet the three main aspects of Heather’s personality were working overtime today. Those aspects were Depression,Lesbianism, and Anxiety.
Nothing overly awful had happened lately. Her mom and dad got into a huge fight over who got Heather for Easter. Her dad wanted to introduce her to his new girlfriend. But that usually didn’t set her off into the pity pool she was now wallowing in. Heather could hear Heather and Heather saying to get over herself in her head but Heather couldn’t quite shake off the feeling of sad and numb. Sad Numb. Snumb.
Heather glumly took the clipboard from Heather and made her way outside to ask her fellow cheerleaders the poll question. What was it again? Heather glanced at the clipboard.
Favorite store in the mall.
Heather frowned and stopped to dig in her bag. She found her hand mirror and took a nice long look in it.
“You have problems. You are golden.” Heather muttered. Heather allowed the words to sink in. They were something of a mantra for her. Heather nodded to her reflection and noticed her purplish lip gloss was fading. Heather went back into her bag to reapply it. After that was taken care of, Heather continued to walk toward where she knew the cheerleaders would be sitting. She didn’t feel normal, but she felt a little better then when she walked out. Heather felt a tickling weight on her shoulder.
“Oh my god.” Heather whispered to herself. A freakin’ butterfly landed on her shoulder. It was beautiful. She felt blessed. When the butterfly flew off Heather felt like she could smile again.
She skipped to her fellow cheerleaders.
“Hey Heather!” one of them called.
Heather gave them all a big smile.
“Hey guys! You know what day it is! Today's poll question is…”
Heather got her answers from the cheerleader and hopped back into the caf. Like a bunny. The idea made Heather giggle a bit.
“Where the hell have you been?! That took for fuckin' ever” Heather C ground out. Heather just smiled.
“Got answers from the squad-”
“Oh did you? Did you hear that Heather? Heather got answers from her little cheer squad! Isn’t that fucking fantastic?” Heather spat. Heather Duke smirked a bit.
Heather felt her better mood sink into the depths of her stomach.
“It would be, Heather, if Heather wasn’t supposed to go with Edgar Allan Hoe to ask the jocks.” Heather D replied.
Oh no. Fuck. Shit. Heather had forgotten about that. Poor JD. Poor sweetheart. He must have felt so awkward...
“I didn’t kill anyone. So that’s a win. Fuck off Heather.” JD drawled from his perch on the lunch table.
“Excuse me, did anyone ask you?” Heather C growled.
‘Why yes in fact, the voices did. They also said that sundress makes you look like a fat hooker and long live the lesbians.” JD snarked. He did his best to keep his innocent expression but couldn’t hold it when Heather C smacked him.
Heather managed to give him a weak smile. He really was such a sweetheart.
Chapter 7: Group Chat#1 BettyBerryFinn for the Win (Betty, Veronica and Martha)
Betty and Martha don't like Veronica's choice of date.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
4:02 Im-a-Veronica: You guys need to stop being so judgmental
4:03 BettyBerryFinn: I really don't think we are. As your best friend's we are required to tell you if the guy you're seeing is a creep
4:04 UnicornsRreal: I agree with most of what Betty is saying
4:04 BettyBerryFinn: most of what I'm saying, Martha?
4:05 UnicornsRreal: I think calling him a creep may be strong. But he's definitely not a good guy
4:05 Im-a-Veronica: neither of you guys have ever even talked to him. I'm not really inclined to take your advice thanks
4:05 Im-a-Veronica: what reason do I have for not going anyways? We’re just watching movies at his place
4:05 BettyBerryFinn: do you not realize how shady that sounds? And as for reasons, I have a list
4:05 UnicornsRreal: Why can't he just take you to dinner or something cute like that?
4:06 Im-a-Veronica: Oh my god Betty
4:06 UnicornsRreal: oh sorry Betty, go ahead (:
4:08 BettyBerryFinn: 1, he hangs out with the Heather's, the girls who not only are known for putting out, are the reason our high school experiences have been misery. 2, he's known for being super violent. He got into a fistfight with Ram and Kurt. Not Ram and then Kurt or vice versa. Ram and Kurt simultaneously 3. You don't know him that well. You've never hung out as friends which while not required to date is typically a good idea. You don't know why his intentions are
4:08 UnicornsRreal: he also gives off major bad vibes. And smokes. And his super tall. You're not tall Veronica I don't see how it could work
4:09 Im-a-Veronica: Ram is taller than you
4:09 UnicornsRreal: Oh
4:10 BettyBerryFinn: Wow
4:10 UnicornsRreal: I
4:10 UnicornsRreal: that hurt Veronica
4:11 BettyBerryFinn: uncalled for.
4:11 Im-a-Veronica: ???? Y'all were just making an actual list on why I can't make my own choices??? Hows that not uncalled for?
4:12 BettyBerryFinn: I'm not saying you can't make your own choices I'm saying that the one you're making now -more aptly named 'Jason Dean’- isn't a good one and you're not thinking it through
4:13 Im-a-Veronica: I'm sorry when did you two become my theoretically lesbian mothers? I'm saying I like him and plan on continuing seeing him. I don’t need your approval but acceptance would be nice
4:13 BettyBerryFinn: Idk if I can approve or accept tbh
4:16 UnicornsRreal: wait what about poor Rodney??? ):
4:16 BettyBerryFinn: Jesus I almost forgot about him
4:18 Im-a-Veronica: um??? What does Rodney have to do with my liking JD??
4:19 BettyBerryFinn: Ronnie you're not blind. You have to know he likes you
4:20 UnicornsRreal: Omg you two would be soo cute!!
4:20 Im-a-Veronica: a( No, b( Rodney doesn’t like me like that we’ve been study buddies since forever and c( even if he did like me I have a thing going with JD.
4:21 BettyBerryFinn: But what if you didn’t have a thing going with Woe is Me?
4:22 Im-a-Veronica: Seriously Betty?
4:23 Im-a-Veronica: ok fine. I’ll bite
4:23 Im-a-Veronica: I would probably turn him down.
4:24 UnicornsRreal: whaaat???? Why??!1?
4:26 Im-a-Veronica: If i was into Rodney I would have done something by now, don’t you think?
4:26 BettyBerryFinn: I always kinda thought you had a thing for him
4:27 UnicornsRreal: Same here (:
4:27 Im-a-Veronica: is that why your sooo against me hanging out with JD? because of Rodney?
4:31 Im-a-Veronica: seriously?
4:33 Im-a-Veronica: whatever.
4:35 Im-a-Veronica: JD texted. He’ll be here soon. At least he's punctual
4:36 BettyBerryFinn: He’s picking you up?
4:36 UnicornsRreal: he drives??
4:37 Im-a-Veronica: Oh what? You two aren’t all seeing and all knowing about every aspect of my life??
4:40 Im-a-Veronica: I’ll talk to you guys later. Bye
4:42 Im-a-Veronica: even though im kinda pissed i still love you both
4:43UnicornsRreal: Love you!! <3 <3 <3
4:44 BettyBerryFinn: Love You *blows virtual kiss*
Im-a-Veronica has signed out
shout out to literally any one who reads this. I love you all. Also I'd love ideas and prompts for this garbage bin??
Chapter 8: Cherries (Heather Chandler)
JD's coat needs to be washed and Heather is losing patience.
Sooo this was based on a tumblr post. I couldn't find the post but would really like to credit the tumblr user. So if anyone knows who's it is or where I could find the post I would be really grateful?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Heather Chandler was standing in her kitchen, heels on, nails freshly painted, and eating a bag of cherries. Her fuckhead friends were taking forever. Really, how hard could it be to get that moldy ass coat off of JD? God fucking dammit, her stocking was falling down. She popped another cherry into her mouth and adjusted her stocking. Much better.
There was muffled yelling coming up from her bedroom. Heather regretted not getting JD drunk or something before this. They weren’t even going to alter it again, it just needed to be fucking washed! Not unlike it’s greasy ass owner!
Heather phone beeped. It had better be fucking Heather telling her they’d be down in a minute- Nope. Its Kurt Kelly asking if Heather wanted to party with him and Ram. Heather ate another cherry and prayed to god for patience.
Heather didn’t know why she ever thought either one of those sluts were capable of getting anything done without her. Seriously, it was one fucking coat, how hard could it be to get off him? Actually, Heather knew the answer to that.
Heather cringed when she remembered the great struggle of altering JD's coat. Heather M dubbed it 'The Great Coatastrophe'.
Nope. Not going to dwell on that.
Heather went back to eating cherries and being pissed. At this rate they would never get to the croquet game set up outside and damn it all Thursdays were for croquet.
“What the ever loving fuck is taking you bimbo’s so long?” Heather shouted up the stairs.
The muffled shouting paused before again resuming. There were a few bangs and Heather heard Heather M shout something.
Today had been so nice too. They all went shopping, JD and Duke spoke minimally therefore saving Heather’s sanity, and Heather scored a really nice pair of thigh highs from some girls cart.
It had originally been a plan to butter JD up before attempting to surgically remove the coat from his body. It reeked of cigarettes, gasoline and sweat. Not a very pleasant combination. The Heather had tried everything to get the boy to wash it. Heather M gave subtle hints, Heather D purchased cologne for the stupid cunt of a boy, and Heather told him to his face on multiple occasions his jacket was as greasy as his hair and needed to be taken care of. But did he listen?
“No. Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw.” Heather muttered her catch phrase. She glared at the stair case. She graciously offered the use of her laundry machine and this was her thanks? Him picking fights with Heather and Heather in her bedroom?
Heather stepped away from the stair case, not being able to bare the pure insolence of it. She marched into her bathroom with her nose in the air and slammed the door behind her. Heather could no longer hear the bickering of upstairs. She scanned her reflection before pulling out her lip liner. She lined her lips with the blood red stick. She paused her lip color correcting process to take out her scrunchie. Her hair needed to be redone.
A shriek from Heather D hit Heather’s ear drums and Heather’s lip curled in disgust. She filled in her lined lips with a slightly more ruby red. She pulled her hair back and tied it all up with her scrunchie. She gave her reflection a fierce glare before marching out of the bathroom and up the stairs. The yelling and screaming and fighting got louder and louder the higher Heather got.
She approached her bedroom door and threw it open. The door made a satisfactory BAM!
The scene before her was chaos, fucking chaos.
Her things had been thrown every where, Heather D was screaming up into JD’s face, which was bright red with what Heather assumed to be rage. Heather M was standing on her bed in her filthy fucking shoes, hands out in a placating gesture, trying and failing to calm the other two down.
“Hello, SLUTS” Heather bellowed. The three stooges instantly silenced themselves.
Heather slowly walked over to JD and held out her hand. He stubbornly refused to hand over his stupid fucking coat.
“Jason. Fucking. Dean” Heather spat. She made a ‘gimme’ gesture with her hand and once again held out her hand. “ Coat. Now.” Heather ground out. She looked the demented fucking giraffe in the eyes. He stared back at Heather before shrugging off the coat. What laid beneath was a nightmare.
The stupid fucking fuck was wearing a fucking tee shirt that fucking said “Veronica Sawyer's Bitch”.
Heather took deep breaths in. And out. Nope. Nope she was not doing this NO.
“What the FUCKING FUCK” Heather shrieked, wildly gesturing to his unholy, god forsaken shirt. The other two Heather rushed to her side and all read his fucking tee shirt fuck.
“Oh wow” Heather D muttered the same time Heather M said “Oh honey no…”
“What?” JD asked, looking a bit affronted.
Heather had to bite her lip to keep from bitch slapping to stupid fuck. She took a deep breath and said “Jason. What the fuck is that on your chest right now?”
JD looked worried. Heather’s tone was way too bright and cheery. Not only that, but she used his first name, which she only did when something really set her off.
He looked own at the monstrous clothing article and chuckled.
“Oh yeah, I forgot I was wearing this. Funny right?" JD laughed again and pulled the shirt down slightly.
“Jason. Sweetheart. You’ve been out with her twice.” Heather M said in a worried, motherly tone.
JD looked a bit confused. “Yeah so? What’s your point?”
“Oh my god you stupid fuck. If I was Veronica and saw your stupid fucking ass wearing that, I’d run. I’d probably get a restraining order on you. What the fuck Jason.” Heather D asked incredulously.
Heather took another deep, calming, relaxing breath.
“Take it off. And give it to me.” Heather demanded in a quiet tone.
JD looked over at Heather M while Heather fumed.
“Don’t worry, we’ll uh, wash it with your coat.” Heather M chirped.
“And have a long fucking talk about this bullshit and that Veronica bitch.” Heather D added.
JD reluctantly pulled off his tee shirt and handed it to Heather.
Heather then threw both the coat and tee shirt at Heather D. She caught it and scurried down to the laundry room to wash it.
Heather hoped that vodka was still in the fridge because she was going to need it.
So Heather Chandler might be slowly becoming an alcoholic.
Chapter 9: Mega Bitch (Heather Duke)
Heather Duke spreads a rumor (First thing with any resemblance of plot)
@Everyone who has viewed, kudosed and commented, I love of you. I promise to write more gay, that's an important part of this universe. Let me know what you want to see
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“Jesus you look like shit” Heather Duke breathed. It was really true. JD looked looked even shittier than usual. His hair was unwashed, his eye bags are twice as dark, and his shoulders stooped when he walked.
“I’m fine” JD snapped. Heather blinked at him.
“You don’t look fine” Heather cautiously commented. She wouldn’t ever, ever, ever, admit it but she was kinda worried about him.
“Then stop fucking looking.” JD snarled. Heather was startled by that. He typically didn’t snap like that. As he sulked away Heather discreetly texted Heather M.
HD: Something's wrong with JD. Check up on him?
HM: awww, that's so sweet of you to be worried!!! Don’t be!! I’ll talk to him (:
Heather let her shoulders relax. She hasn’t come to terms with it but...she kind of liked JD. In a ‘he’s an asshole but he’s my friend’ kinda way, of course. Right.
Heather made her way to class.
JD sucked less than most people. And he was hot. It was every hot persons god given right to be moody and a dick. So Heather gave him a free pass.
As Heather strutted down the hall, she spotted one Miss Veronica Sawyer.
Heather bit her lip. Veronica was literally the only reason JD could be in such a bad mood. She was the only thing JD ever gave a shit about.
Heather narrowed her eyes at the girl.
Really, it was her duty as a friend to retaliate.
Damned if you do, bored if you don’t.
Heather’s lips curled into a nasty smirk.
Time to be the literal worst.
Heather strutted towards the girl.
“Hey, Veronica.” Heather purred. Veronica looked up at her with her innocent doe eyes. Heather wanted to gouge them out.
“Oh, uh, hey Heather.” Veronica stammered, playing with a piece of her hair.
Heather hated her hair. She kinda hated everything about Veronica. Heather let the anger explode in her veins. Heather wanted to be mean. Heather wanted to ruin this girl’s entire life.
The speed at which the feelings came made Heather’s head spin but it wasn’t the first time she’s felt them. An absolutely wicked, awful, evil idea popped into Heather’s. Heather almost laughed at it.
“Have you seen your boy toy today? He looked pretty upset. Of course, I would be too if my girlfriend did what you did.” Heather cruel smile grew. Nobody would want to touch Good Little Veronica after this. Not even JD.
“What are you talking about?” Veronica asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Heather barked out a harsh laugh.
“Your little three way with Kurt and Ram of course.”
Veronica’s eyes went huge. They bugged like the ugly little fly she was.
“W-wha- that never- Heather, there was no three way- I’ve never even talked-” Veronica stammered.
“Oh Really? Because that’s not what I remember.” Heather exclaimed, examining your nails.
The little idiot didn’t even realize what was happening. She thought that this was some sort of miscommunication and Heather was just mixed up.
“Because I remember you going out with Ram and Kurt while JD went to dinner with us Thursday. You gave them a little sword fight in your mouth, then bent over like origami.”
Veronica just stared at her, gaping incomprehensibly, tears shining in those doe eyes that JD never shut the fuck up about. She looked pathetic.
“I- I would never-”
“Oh I know. But who’ll believe you? I’m sure Ram and Kurt will be more then happy to confirm my little story. Then what will everyone think? You’ll be like some freak in a zoo.” Heather said gleefully. She let herself laugh and laugh until she felt a harsh sting on her cheek.
Heather looked back at Veronica, who stopped looking so pathetic, and started looking pissed.
“You-You just-” Heather gasped. Veronica’s face didn’t change. “You just slapped me, you crazy fuck!” Heather snarled.
“Damn right, you goddamn bitch.” Veronica said. She looked Heather up and down. “You’re not going to say anything. See you, Heather.”
And then the little bitch has the audacity to walk away from Heather. Heather’s face scrunched up with rage.
“The fuck I won’t” She growled to herself.
Heather’s phone dinged.
HM: He’s having a hard time with his dad ):
HM: Don’t worry, I asked my mom and she said he could stay on our couch tonight (:
Heather wasn’t worried. She could talk to JD later. Right now, she needed to have a little talk with Kurt and Ram.
It spread throughout the entire school. There wasn’t a student who wasn’t judging Veronica Sawyer. The words ‘Freak’ ‘Slut’ and ‘Whore’ rang through the halls next to her name.All Heather felt was pure bliss.
Until the fight happened.
JD actually got into a real live fist fight with Kurt and Ram. At the same time.
Kurt and Ram were pretty fucked up but JD was relatively ok.
Heather gnawed on her pouty bottom lip as she texted him.
HD: Are you ok??
He didn’t text her back. She continued to worry till the end of school. That’s when she finally saw him.
Heather was just about to close her locker when a fist slammed the door shut. Heather whirled around to see what fucking jackass did it.
“JD!” Heather gasped. JD looked worse the this morning. His eye was turning purple and his knuckles were bleeding. “Oh my god, I was so worried-”
Heather was cut off as she was slammed into the locker. All the air in Heather’s lungs whooshed up and she looked up at JD. She was scared. She was scared of him, the only person who kinda gave a shit that wasn’t Heather M.
“JD, what the fuck.” Heather bit out.
“What the fuck?! You have the audacity to ask me what the fuck?!’ JD spat. He shoved her again and stepped back from Heather.
“Fuck you Heather, FUCK YOU!”
Heather was flabbergasted.
“What the hell are you talking about!?!” Heather shrieked. “And to think I was worried about you, Jackass!”
JD glared at her. If looks could kill. Heather suppressed a shudder and held her chin up high. She’s not going to let some no name kid fuck with her.
“You’re the one who fucking started all that bull shit about Veronica.”
It wasn’t a question. JD firmly believed that this is what happened. Heather knew that that was, in fact, what happened but maybe she could convince him otherwise. Just until he realized what a good fucking friend Heather was to him.
“What,that? I didn’t have anything to do with it, Dean. I get why you’re pissed- Fuck, I’d be pissed if my date fucked two guys behind my back-” Heather started but quickly shut up when JD threw a fist towards the spot next to her head. The loud BANG that rang out afterwards words was the only sound for a second.
“I know you fucking started it Heather. Fucking admit it.” JD growled. Heather narrowed her eyes at him.
“No. You were with us Thursday. Not Veronica. For all you know she really was with Kurt and Ram. And what proof do you have that I said anything, Huh?” Heather demanded. JD’s lips curled into a snarl.
“Veronica didn’t do that. She wouldn’t. You, however, I know could and did start shit.” JD spat.
“Oh Really? How?” Heather scoffed.
“Because Kurt and Ram said so, you stupid fuck. Right after I beat them bloody, darling. Why the fuck would they lie? And you” JD said, his voice getting louder and meaner with every word, “are a lying, cheating, stupid whore. Why the fuck Heather?” JD demanded. He looked Heather in the eyes and Heather couldn’t quite swallow the lump in her throat.
“Why couldn’t you just be a friend, huh? Why do you have to be such a fucking mega bitch?” JD asked. His expression was grim and almost sad.
Heather felt her insides go cold. Fine. If he wanted to take that bitch Veronica’s side, if he wanted to choose her over Heather, that was his problem.
“Because I can be.” Heather said softly. JD’s eyes widened just a touch. They stared at eachother before JD stalked out of the building.
Heather remained for a few minutes, gulping in breaths.
Her phone dinged and Heather slowly checked it.
HC: Nice job Heather. I thought Veronica was going to cry in front of everyone. Now she’s nothing but a dirty whore. I’m almost proud of you
Heather laughed and started to cry.
Whoo boy Heather Duke, my babe, no no no I'm really nervous about posting this chapter can you tell?
Chapter 10: Group Chat #2 Star Gazing (Heather, Heather, Heather, JD, Kurt and Ram)
Heather's and JD talk about his upcoming date
This was inspired by a tumblr post. Once again, I can't find it. If you know which one I'm talking about please let me know because I would love love love to give credit to the poster for this chapter
5:30 RedBitch: Heather u ready?
5:31 MacAttack:Gay Mode™ activated
5:32 RedBitch: Heather, no.
5:33 MacAttack: Oh ok. I’ll start acting straighter
5:33 MacAttack: FOOTBALL
5:34 Green-N-Mean:I want death immediately
5:34 MacAttack: OR you could start exercising and eating healthy and living a good life
5:35 Green-N-Mean:I would prefer not to
5:37 RedBitch-R U good to go or wat
5:37 Green-N-Mean: Yes Heather.
5:40 RedBitch: Dean, u in position?
5:41 Slushie116: I do not want to be here
5:42 RedBitch:Do u want to get in her pants
5:42 Slushie116: Can you not talk about her like that?
5:45 RedBitch: Can u not be a pussy ass bitch?
5:46 Slushie116: You are killing me
5:46 Slushie116: It’s like being friends with a 5 year old child
5:46 Slushie116: Who drinks
5:57 Green-N-Mean: Ram and Kurt want to be added to group chat
5:57 RedBitch: Fuck no. Stick to the plan bitch
5: 57 MacAttack: Oops, I just added them
5:57 BigDick134 and Letsfuktonite has been added
5:57 Slushie116: Fuck no
5:57 Green-N-Mean: Oh my god the fucking screen names i’m dying
5:57 RedBitch: I’m fucking pissed
5:57 MacAttack: Can’t we just be nice to our friends
5:58 BigDick134: This is Ram. Who’s who
5:58 RedBitch: hi my name is Pissed Mcfucking and im Mcfucking pissed
5:59 Letsfuktonite: Heyyyy wud up Heather!!!
5:59 RedBitch: Heather get them off my group chat
6:00 Slushie116: Please dear god
6:00 BigDick134: Stfu you motherless sack of shit!!!
6:01 Slushie116 changed their name to Motherlesssackofshit
6:02 Green-N-Mean: Jesus Christ
6:05 MacAttack: Do you guys want to see the worst meme in the world??
6:05 BigDick134: Yea babe!1!
6:05 Letsfuktonite: Show us (;(;
6:05 Motherlesssackofshit: You know I do, but can we please get rid of the date rape committee??
6:06 BigDick134: stfu kick him out!!
6:08 MacAttack: If you cannot be nice to my son, then you can leave
6:09 Letsfuktonite: His name is literally motherlesssackofshit
6:09 BigDick134 and Letsfuktonite have been removed from group chat
6:11 RedBitch: Thank fucking god. Back to the plan. Dean, what are you going to do when u see VS at the party?
6:13 Green-N-Mean: Who’s VS??
6:14 RedBitch: Did u eat a brain tumor for breakfast?
6:14 MacAttack: Veronica
6:16 Green-N-Mean: then why didn’t you just say Veronica
6:17 RedBitch: au where ur not all blathering sluts
6:18 Green-N-Mean: au where you went to church
6:20 Motherlesssackofshit: au where u grow a foot taller
6:22 Green-N-Mean: au where you shut the fuck up you fucking edgelord
6:24 Motherlesssackofshit changed their name to Edgelord666
6:25 MacAttack: what are you going to do when you see Veronica???
6:27 Edgelord666: Not talk about shitty ass memes, don’t scare her off, be unique but not weird.
6:28 MacAttack: Yay!! You’re gonna do great!!
6:30 RedBitch: Fuck this up and i’ll ruin u
6:31 Green-N-Mean: Try not to be a human disaster
6:50 Edgelord666: bye bitches
10:07 Edgelord666 changed their name to Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch
10:10 MacAttack: I’m trying not to gossip
10:10 MacAttack:but do you think that’s a good sign?
10:12 RedBitch: Looks like @Veronica_Sawers_Bitch should change their name to Slutlord
10:14 Green-N-Mean: OH MY GOD WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU???
10:17 RedBitch: Everything, except the way I dress
10:19 MacAttack: Omgg, lol, you’re the best Heather
10:20 RedBitch: I kno.
10:20 RedBitch: You’re the second best
10:20 RedBitch: After me
10:23 MacAttack: Aww!!
10:34 MacAttack: @Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch, are you guys dating??? What’d she think of the whole spontaneous stargazing date
10:35 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: Yeah, we’re dating. She really liked it. The party was too stupid to comprehend, and that worked in my favor. A lot. Thanks you guys
10:35 MacAttack: @RedBitch, aren’t you so proud??
10:37 MacAttack: Heather??
10:39 Green-N-Mean: I think she fell asleep.
10:42 MacAttack: Bitch wake the fuck up
10:42 MacAttack: *but like in a cute and caring voice*
10:43 Green-N-Mean: Did she say why she liked you? I literally can’t comprehend
10:47 Veronica_Sawers_Bitch: She said I was charming
10:50 Green-N-Mean: Oh yes
10:50 Green-N-Mean: It was your natural awkward anxiety ridden charm that drew me in so
10:51 MacAttack: @RedBitch WAKE UP!!
10:52 MacAttack: I’M SO MAD AT U!!!
10:53 MacAttack: Also I’m sleeping over Thursday after croquet
11:05 MacAttack:@Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch, I’m proud to call you my friend
11:30 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: Sorry I was feeding my internet cats
11:35 Green-N-Mean: lmoaaa I’m dead
11:38 MackAttack:I’m talking to a ghost???
11:39 Green-N-Mean: I’ve been a ghost this whole fucking time
11:39 Green-N-Mean: why do you think I’m so cold
11:42 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: I’d be if i had sex with Ram Sweeney
11:45 Green-N-Mean: Ah there he is
11:45 Green-N-Mean: That mother fucker
11:45 Green-N-Mean: What a tool
12:14 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: @MacAttack you wanna go hiking tomorrow??
12:20 MacAttack: Wait
12:22 MacAttack:you just wanna play that fucking pokemon game don’t u
12:25 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: ...that might be a factor
12:26 Green-N-Mean:Jesus Christ
12:26 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: Listen
12:26 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: it’s a really good way to get cardio
12:38 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: Veronica said she’d go if you won’t
12:44 MacAttack: lemme think about it
12:55 MacAttack: Night sweeties!!!
1:18 Veronica_Sawyers_Bitch: Night Losers
Chapter 11: Coffee Date (Veronica Sawyer)
Veronica needs to ask JD something.
Veronica’s lipstick had faded and she was kinda freaking out. She was on a date, an actual real live date, and her lipstick decided to fuck her entire life. Ok. No. Veronica was being dramatic. Everything was fine.
JD was getting coffee for the two of them. They were in a little bookstore/coffee shop. Death Cab for Cutie was playing in the background. Veronica was hiding in the stack of Lemony Snicket books. NO! She wasn’t hiding, that's ridiculous, why would she be hiding from her date? Other than the fact this is all probably a prank set up by the Heathers- NO!
JD wouldn’t do that. JD was cool. JD was still getting coffee. Veronica bolted to the bathroom. As soon as she got in the small room. She pulled out her sparkly red lip gloss and blotted some on.
She hurried out of the bathroom to see JD standing out, looking around, with ice cream.
“Oh! Hey, Sorry, I went to ah..check out this book?” Veronica stuttered her way through the sentence. God she sounded like a psycho!
“Oh cool, uh, I got ice cream? I think they’re like yogurt bars or something?”
“Thanks, that's really nice of you. We could walk around outside for a while, if you’re done looking.” Veronica suggested.
“Yeah, That sounds perfecto. After you, darling.” JD said as he held the door open for her. He was such a gentleman.
So they wandered around outside and Veronica racked her brain for something to say. What was the point of having an extraordinary IQ if she couldn’t use it for practical things?!? Like, what to talk about with your date, who happens to be buddy buddy with the actual fucking Heather's?!?
Well, other than the 'thing' that Veronica had been waiting all day to ask. Literally anything but that.
Breath. Breath, breath, breath. OK. Veronica could do this. She turned to JD, fully prepared to say something to him, but was distracted when he smiled at her.
A hot guy...Just smiled at Veronica...Without any traces of mockery.
Veronica realized she was just fucking staring at him and quickly smiled back. JD turned away from her and she quickly looked away too.
Jesus. This was a mess.
Today marked the third time they've gone out. The first time, JD asked her to 7-11. Not exactly a swanky first date, but a nice one, to be sure. There second was a lot less low key.
He had stolen his dad's truck and drove her out to the lake, where they spent the afternoon smoking and talking. Eventually his dad realized that the truck was gone and called JD to chew him out. JD answered the first time and after realizing who was calling promptly hung up. His dad didn't stop for the next half hour and by then Veronica had worked up the courage to ask who was calling.
“My drug dealer” JD had quickly replied. Veronica had glanced at his caller ID to see it said 'Pop’ on the screen. Veronica had pointed this out to JD and he then told her that was a code name so his actual Pop wouldn't find out he had a drug dealer. Veronica couldn't see the logic in this because, wouldn't JDs dad find it odd he had two people listed as dad in his phone?
Anyways JD soon had to confess that he technically stole the truck and the date was cut short.
Veronica was brought back to the present by the sensation of JD lacing his fingers through hers. She did everything in her power not to squeal. OK. They were holding hands now like a couple of dorks. This was fine.
The couple continued strolling for a while.
Ok Veronica, she thought to herself, time to grow some balls.
Veronica glanced at JD.
Just go on and ask him, she told herself. Easy as pie.
They continued to wander in the general direction of the park.
It was really nice. Veronica wouldn’t mind doing it more often. Speaking off.
“Hey...so there's this midnight showing of rocky horror at the drive in.” Veronica said. She forced herself to turn to face JD. Ok. First part, done. He was looking at her curiously. Ok. “Um, have you been to the drive in yet? I mean, I thought you might not have-” Oh god looking at him was a bad idea now she was babbling “But uh...anyways, I was thinking we could go..together. Um, if you don’t have plans.”
JD smiled. Veronica had trouble looking directly into his smiles a lot of the time because they were directed at her and that was nerve wrecking.
“I’d love to. I can pick you up earlier, we can grab dinner or something?” JD asked. His grip on her hand tightened. Veronica prevented herself from fist pumping.
“Yeah,OK! I’d love that! Cool!” Veronica squeaked. JD’s smile grew.
“Great.” He responded cheekily. Veronica failed to bite back a smile.
“Uh, Lovely? Does that count?” JD asked as Veronica laughed.
They arrived at the park and Veronica led him around, the two of them babbling about everything and nothing.
Veronica was smiling the whole time.
Operation: ask JD out was a success.
Veronica made a mental note to rub it in Betty’s face later.
Chapter 12: Lil Gay Crush (Jason Dean)
JD and Heather M build a pillow fort.
Shout out to the one guy who told me I posted the same chapter four times. Onward
“Jason! Come in Heather's been waiting for you!” Ms. Daniels nee McNamara chirped. JD gave her a smile in appreciation. Ms. Daniels smiled back and called for Heather.
Heather came tumbling down the stairs, already in a yellow pajama tank top and some cotton shorts.
“ Hey Sweetheart you’re early! Mom, is it OK if we hang out upstairs before dinner? “ Heather asks. She turned to JD and fake whispered ,” We’re having meatloaf, yikes.”
Ms. Daniels swatted Heather, causing the bubbly girl to giggle. JD did his best to stay silent.
“ You two go have fun, keep the door open Heather!” Ms. Daniels responded.
“And Jason, honey, take a brownie before you go. You’re much too skinny!” Ms.Daniels exclaimed. JD did as he was told and thanked her before following Heather up stairs.
The two of them stood in her room a moment, surveying the space, before looking at each other and saying “blanket fort" in perfect unison.
The two of them got to work.
JD let himself grin and relax. He had really needed this break. Heather C had been on his ass lately about actually showing up to the parties he'd been invited too, and while he and Heather D were back on speaking terms, he was still tentative about calling her a friend. And to top it all off, his dad had been drunk every night this week. His mom’s birthday was coming up and JD knew his dad was just going to get worse. Yeah. He needed a fucking break.
“ Aaannd done! How'd we do?” Heather asked, her curly head tilting to the side a bit as she surveyed their finished product. JD joined her in studying the structure.
“ It's perfecto.” JD proclaimed, giving the fort a pat on the side. The two then wriggled their way inside and found a comfortable position to lounge in.
“Sooo” Heather cooed.
“Sooo” JD mimicked her tone. She slapped him on the shoulder and they both laughed.
“Tell me about life.” Heather instructed.
JD sighed. “Well, I found out why Veronica doesn't want to introduce me to her friends. It's because the don't like me.” JD said. He wished he’d smoked before coming to Heather’s.
Heather's expression turned into one of sympathy. “Aw, Sweetheart, what makes you think that?” Heather asked,laying a comforting hand on his arm.
“She said so herself. I mean, I can't blame them. Especially not after the shit Duke pulled. What reason would they have to like me?” JD groused. He really was kinda bummed out about it. He wanted Veronica's friends to like him. Maybe not out of genuine interest in them, but more because he wanted to give Veronica more reason to stay with him. JD felt that she was going to break up with him any minute when Duke spread all those rumors. But Veronica didn't. Instead she told him he wasn't alone and that he was beautiful. JD believed that Veronica was too good for him, and that her friends knew it too. However, under no circumstances did that mean he was going to let her go.
JD was snapped out of his thoughts by Heather rubbing his shoulder and cooing comforting things. “-which is a downer, because Betty Finn is pretty cute actually-” Heather rambled.
“You think Betty Finn is cute?” JD cut her off. His mind raced. That could fix everything. If Heather ended up getting with Betty, it would show both of Veronica's friends that the Heather's weren't so bad and therefore, he wasn't so bad either.
Heather blushed and giggled. “yeeaahh, I dooo. But she's not as cute any more, now that I know she doesn't like you, my only child”
JD let the 'only child’ thing slide in favor of reassuring Heather of Betty’s inclination towards women.
“That's too bad,” JD said, casually examining his nails, “Because I'm pretty sure she’s gay”
“REALLY?! You think so?!” Heather shrieked, bolting up in the pillow for and almost causing it to come crashing down.
“Heather, what part of that are you not grasping? You should ask her out.” JD insisted. He was fairly certain what he was saying was true. He' made a mental note to double check with Veronica, just in case.
Heather smiled and bit her lip, wriggling around in what appeared to be a happy dance.
“You think she'd say yes?” Heather questioned. JD sent her a broad smile and bump shoulders with her.
“Why wouldn't she? You're fun, cute and sweet. Plus you have a fucking awesome pet bird. I'd date you solely for Tweety access. “ JD joked and Heather giggled.
“Kids! Dinner!” Heather’s mom called sweetly up the stairs.
Heather and JD locked eyes.
“RACE YOU!” They shout unanimously.
The two then scrambled to get out of the pillow fort and raced down stairs. JD was grinning and Laughing.
He really had needed a break.
Chapter 13: The Roast of Jason Dean: Part One (Heather Chandler)
Heather like's her emo boys mildly crispy.
I have a lot of ideas about what to write next so expect another chapter today
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Heather Chandler narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized THE MESS. THE MESS, also known Jason Dean, was being given a makeover, by none other Than Heather,Heather and of course Heather.
Oh Jesus fucking Christ. They had a lot of shit to go through.
“OK so wardrobe. First I'm thinking wardrobe. “ Heather started.
“No. Hard pass. I need an adult. I've been abducted. “ THE MESS said, his tone and expression emotionless.
“So, first we lose the coat-” Heather tried again only to be interrupted by the ingrate THE MESS.
“Not happening, Blondie. “ THE MESS answered. Heather frowned.
“Its cute that you think you have a say. There is no way you can keep the earring.” Heather retorted. Heather was glad they decided to hold this first meeting of ‘Make the emo kid beautiful’ project in Heather D’s bedroom. That way if THE MESS threw a hissy fit, only Duke’s shit would get ruined. So it was kind of a win win either way.
Heather D eyed him up and down. “You’re really tall. That’s good. But you’re going to to have to do something different with your face.” Heather duke tutted, gesturing to THE MESS’s face.
“Concealer is our friend! And, no offense sweetheart, but why do you take a bike to school when you have a car? Cars are waaay better for your image” Heather M sweetly informed him.
Heather slowly circled THE MESS.
She stopped when she was directly behind him.
“My bike is awesome. And so is my earring. Go Fuck your shower nozzle.” THE MESS fumes, crossing his arms over his chest. Which brought Heather’s attention to another matter.
“And what is that outfit? You think that just because you wear a moldy coat over everything you get a free pass to dress like a homeless 80's drug addict?” Heather laughs. She shot a pointed look towards the other Heathers and they gave a stilted laugh in return.
“The flannel has to go-” Heather D started,
“We’ll have to buy you some socially acceptable tee shirts because really? Rise Against?” Heather lectures,
“Oh my goodness, are those blood stains on your jeans? Nope, not happening! Not to my son!” Heather M decrees.
“Your son? Heather, get over yourself, and the boots. Those fucking boots. Like the rest of your outfit didn’t say ‘oh derr, i’m a wannabe rebel slut’ ,you had to throw combat boots into the mess?” Heather says. Heather was so lost in taking in every flaw, every detail that could be fixed, she didn’t notice THE MESS getting more and more peeved.
“Your lipstick looks like you just smeared your menstrual blood on your mouth, so you can shut the fuck up.” THE MESS spits out, stabbing a finger towards Heather’s face.
Heather’s face flushed and she bared her teeth at him.
“Are we gonna have a problem?” Heather spits out.
She gets in THE MESS’s face.
“You got a fucking bone to pick?” Heather starts, glaring at THE MESS’s jutting chin.
“You’ve got a long fucking way to go honey, so why the FUCK are you pulling on my dick?!” Heather demanded.
THE MESS remained silent. Ok. Fine. If that’s the way he wanted to play it.
“You know, normally you’d be dead, done for, but today I’m feeling nice, so here's a little piece of advice: Don’t fuck up a good thing Dean. Think of it like this: you are a part of the school's most popular clique. Hell, if I weren’t already head of it, I would want the same thing. You’ve gotten into the candy store, bitch. Now you just got to prove your not a lame ass, loser pussy anymore. And you can start by brushing that greasy ass hair of yours. Got it?” Heather finished with a triumphant smile.
THE MESS glared at her till Heather M scampered to his side and sat him down on Heather D’s bed. Heather M started to brush his hair and Heather D came forth with eye bag removal.
Heather allowed herself to bask in the feeling that always came from when she beat someone into shutting the fuck up and listening. Power.
If y'all think of more insulting things for JD do share I could talk shit about this kid for decades. The next Roast of Jason Dean will be by Heather Duke, about his personality and then Heather McNamara, about his life style choices.
Chapter 14: Jello Shots (Jason Dean)
Chapter by icedragonfirebird, lesbianmermaid
The squad helps JD text his crush. While completely smashed.
Soooo this is garbage sorry guys
JD has discovered vodka slushies. Best day 10/10.
“How drunk are you?” Heather M says, and still manages to sound motherly despite her slightly slurred speech.
“Several” JD slurred back and took another gulp of his slushie. Drunk Brain Freezes were twice as numbing as sober brain freezes. JD was never going to be sober ever again.
Something was vibrating in his pocket. At first he thought maybe a earthquake had come to punish him for all his sins before he realized it was his phone.
VS <3: Hey what up
Oh fuck him in the ass. Veronica, the love of his life, texted him.
“HEATHEEEEEEER” JD shouted. All three Heather’s whirled around to look at him. Oops. He should have specified which one. Which one did he want again? None of them? All of them?
JD shrugged and waved his phone in the air.
“VERONICA TEXTED ME!” JD whooped and sat down on a dinky plastic chair to respond.
Maybe Kurts back yard wasn't the best place to do this, given all the parting and chaos around him. But JD knew that inside was no better.
In a minute flat, all three equally drunk Heather’s, and Kurt and Ram, were surrounding the plastic chair JD was seated in.
“What did she say?” Heather D asked. She attempted to snatch his phone but her movements were way to sluggish and her aim way off. JD was a liiiittle bit smug about that.
“She asked what up. I don’t know what to say to that, what even is up right now?” JD asked, taking another sip of his spiked slushie.
“You should say, ‘what’s up sexy” Heather M told him, using a weird tone of voice she probably thought was seductive. It wasn't.
“Psssh, nah. I’m not going to say that. I’m going to say...what’s up beautiful. That’s waay more classy aaand smooth.” JD replied.
“WAIT” Heather C shrieked. “Let me text her, you’ll fuck it up” Heather C snatched it up, and JD couldn’t keep it from her this time. No. Wait. The other time someone tried to grab it was Heather Duke.
Heather rapidly texted Veronica back and Heather threw the phone back into JD’s lap.
“You should have called her sexy” Ram not-so-whispered.
Heather D elbowed him the the stomach. JD was afraid he was going to puke for a second.
JD: You’re beautiful <3
VS <3: Uh thanks haha (:
"You're really fucking smooth Heather" JD said appreciatively. Heather tossed her hair in what was meant to be a gesture of cool confidence but ended up missing it's mark due to her ponytail slapping Kurt into his face.
"I know." Heather responded with actual cool confidence. JD swallowed back a laugh at Kurt spitting out Heathers hair. Time to mind his own business. JD looked back at the phone and realized he hasn't replied to Veronica, an angel, yet.
“What the fuck do I say now?” JD muttered. He was in a real pickle.
“Imma go get us some jello shots. We need jello shots.” Ram said. He and Kurt scampered to go get jello shots.
An idea lit itself up like one of Pop’s work sites in JD’s head.
Yo I should invite her over so she can drink with us, inner JD whispered. JD thought that was best idea ever to exist ever.
JD- I love jello
VS <3 - Ummm me too?
JD-I’m eating jello in Kurt’s backyard eating jello with H squad you should come ;) :)
It was perfecto. Veronica was literally the only thing that could improve JD's night.
Heather Mac yells into his ear “Tell her to bring her gay friend for meeee!”
JD thought that was a splendid idea.
JD- Mac says BRING YOUR GAY FRIEND FOR HERRRRRR
“why is that in caps you fucking walnut?” Heather Duke asked, taking a sip of her beer.
“Cuz we were yelling you soggy waffle, get with the time babes” JD hollers, despite the fact Heather Duke was standing directly behind him.
VS <3: I think I have to ask my parents first?
JD: They can come too!! There’s a lot of jello!!
JD: and slushies!! I’ve had so many slushies!
JD:I like whiskey
JD: but I like you more <3 <3 <3
“Daaaammmnnn JD, you are sooo smooth” Heather M cooed and ruffled JD’s hair. JD felt proud of him self. He was doing a thing and he was doing it well.
VS <3: My parents said not tonight
VS <3: But maybe next time?
“HEATHER!” JD yelled. He remembered the confusion from earlier and followed that up with "CHANDLER!"
Heather it out an long groan.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat” Heather demanded. She took another jello shot. A red one, of course. God what an 'extra' bitch. Extra was a new slang term JD was learning. Slang is difficult. Back to real news.
“She wants to go to the next one!” JD yelled, standing up because obviously she can hear him better if he is standing.
“Next what, you fucking shit stain?!” Heather shrieked.
“The next party, mutant pine cone baby thing!” JD slurred back.
Heather C frowned before responding “ Dennis is throwing one Saturday. You could, like, invite her and then take her out and get laid ‘n shit.”
JD wrinkled his nose at the ‘get laid’ part, but agreed with the rest of the statement.
JD: How bout Saturday????
VS <3: Works for me!! Is 7:30 ish ok?
JD: Perfecto! See you then darlingg
JD high fived Heather M. And missed. So he high fived her again. He now had a date and a hand that kinda hurt from high fiveing Heather Mac and a half melted slushie. JD shrugged at the last part. He could just add more vodka.
Chapter 15: Cuddle Buddies (Heather McNamara)
Heather is gay and JD just wants Veronica
I think I'll be posting one more chapter today?? If not I promise two for tomorrow
Heather McNamara was a proud mama as of today. Her Son was going to help her get some.
Heather just had to wait for him to give in and give her Veronica’s address.
HM: I swear I’m not going to steal your girlfriend
HM: I just really want to flirt with her cute friends
JD: I’m 100% sure thats a severe invasion of privacy and no
HM: Don’t worry she won’t be mad I promise (:
In real life, Heather had no idea if Veronica would be mad or not. But Heather was sure she could talk her down if need be. Heather giggled and texted JD back.
HM: I could convince her to sneak out to see her boooyfriend while I entertain her cutie pie friends (: (:
JD:.... I’m listening.
HM: (: (: (:
JD: That’s not reasoning, but ok.
JD: I’m going to regret this
Heather squealed in excitement. JD quickly sent her the address and she typed it into her phone. Heather managed to convince her mother to drive her to Veronica’s on the premise she was going to a ‘sleepover’, which was technically true. Heather’s mom just didn’t have to know that Heather wasn’t actually invited to the sleep over.
Heather skipped up the steps and knocked on the door.
Veronica answered. She looked confused. Heather wondered why, until she remembered Veronica didn’t invite her.
“Heeey ‘Ronica! It's so good to see you!” Heather exclaimed, trying as hard as she could to not make this weird.
Veronica gave Heather an odd look. “Hey Heather...how’d you find my address?”
“JD” Heather blurted.
Oh shit, she just threw her only child under the bus!
“But not, like, in a weird way! I just want to hook up with your cute friends! Please don’t be mad!” Heather pleaded. Her heart thudded as Veronica gave her another strange look.
“Uh...ok. Well. JD texted and said I could expect a surprise...kinda hoped it was him.”
“IF YOU WANT TO SNEAK OUT TO HANG OUT WITH MY SON I’LL DISTRACT YOUR CUTE FRIENDS AND BE GAY” Heather blurted.
“Uh..ok. You have an hour. Tell them I invited you though, ok? And don’t let my mom find out.” Veronica hesitantly responded. Heather felt her insides glow.
“You got it!” She sang and Veronica showed her to her bedroom.
Heather waited outside of aforementioned bedroom till she was sure Veronica had snuck out.
Time to be Gay.
Heather burst through the door.
“Heey Guys!” She yelled, a huge smile printed on her face. The three girls inside the room looked surprised.
“Uh..Hi.” Betty Finn responded.
Heather took note of every one there.
Betty Finn, the cutie that JD said was probably gay, Martha, who was also kinda cute but in a way that Heather could never admit due to Heather C’s bad fucking attitude, and another girl who was waaay cute and Heather didn’t know.
Heather snapped out of her thoughts as she realized that they were all staring at her silently.
“Sooo, I’m Heather…” Heather began.
“We know.” Betty points out, raising one eyebrow.
Being gay was harder then Heather thought.
“Oh. Ok.” Heather said back. She fidgeted a minute before adding, “Veronica invited me.”
“Where is she?” The unknown girl asked.
Heather blinked. Oh crap, she didn’t think they’d ask that! When she and Heather and Heather had sleep overs they always assumed someone would get bored and leave.
“Oh- uh- er, she, uh, she went to go get..uh...snacks! Yeah...snack...haha..ha” Heather laughed nervously.
She looked towards the cute girl thats shes never talked to. “Um, what's your name?”
“Jen.” was her short answer.
Heather wondered what their ship name would be.
They girls sat down to watch a movie.
Heather admitted that she had never seen the Princess Bride and Martha was nothing less than horrified. The two were now cuddling.
Heather discreetly texted JD
HM: You going to give Veronica back at anytime????
JD: Get your own girlfriend
HM: On it (;
Heather tucked her phone away and snuggled into Martha.
Operation Gay was a success.
Chapter 16: Group Chat #3 Pep Talk (Jason Dean, Heather McNamara, Heather Duke, Heather Chandler)
JD chats with the H squad before his first date with Veronica.
another group chat chapter. expect a post tomorrow and maybe possibly another one today, depends on how much work I can avoid doing in class lol whoops
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
3:34 MacAttack: I don't know if I can come today ): I think I might have a fever ): sorry Heather, I’m free next tuesday if you still want to see the movie?
3:35 Green-N-Mean: That’s fine, Heather
3:36 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: a fever you can't sweat out haha
3:36 Green-N-Mean: listen you emo piece of shit, can we just talk about our lives for one second Jesus tapdancing Christ, just one second without you bringing up your shitty 2004 bands you fucking eyeliner fucker can’t you listen just one time without bringing up that Gerard Urie piece of shit or what fucking ever I’m fucking sick fuck you what the fuck is this
3:37 Green-N-Mean: SIN. THAT IS A SIN
3:39 MacAttack: why are you being to mean to my baby???
3:40 Green-N-Mean: hes like a foot taller than you Heather get over it
3:41 MacAttack:I won’t accept this
3:41 MacAttack: You think your fuckin tough shit Duke???
3:41 MacAttack: OH LOOK AT ME I’M HEATHER DUKE I'M SUCH A HAMSTER
3:41 MacAttack: *gangster
3:45 RedBitch: Hi
3:46 RedBitch: Sorry I fell asleep
3:46 RedBitch: Heather, take some fucking midol
3:50 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: Which Heather
3:50 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: nm, don’t want to know
3:55 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: on another note, did you know that if you pissed in a bleach bottle it would create mustard gas and would kill everyone in your house
3:57 MacAttack: why Jason
3:57 MacAttack: why are you like this
3:59 RedBitch: I’m going to bed night sluts
4:00 Green-N-Mean: Heather it’s only four
4:01 MacAttack: You just woke up??
4:04 RedBitch: Time isn’t real
4:15 MacAttack: You know what would be fun???
4:16 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: making eggs
4:17 MacAttack: OMG I was just thinking time!!!
4:18 MacAttack: it’s like we finish each others
4:18 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: government conspiracy theories
4:21 MacAttack: No
4:21 MacAttack: Oh my god I just thought of the best prank for Heather
4:24 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: What?
4:24 MacAttack: We should all change our names to somethinglord
4:24 MacAttack: like @Chaos-killed-the-dinos would be Edgelord @Green-N-Mean would be dicklord and I would be gay lord
4:27 Green-N-Mean: How bout no
4:30 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: I’m low key freaking out
4:32 Green-N-Mean: Why?
4:32 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: My date with Veronica is happening in like 30 minutes. I’m meeting her there. Do you ever listen when I talk?
4:33 Green-N-Mean: I forgot
4:35 RedBitch: You’re such a pillow case, Heather
4:35 RedBitch: Also, I’m on the group chat bitch. I can see you planning the prank
4:37 MacAttack: Oh
4:40 MacAttack: You’ll be fine Honey!! Just texts us on the chat if you need help (: we’ll all stay online, right guys?
4:45 MacAttack: Guys?
4:45 MacAttack: If you don’t fucking stay online I’ll tell both your moms about what we really did last friday night
4:46 RedBitch: FINE
4:47 Green-N-Mean: Jesus, Mac, I’ll stay on
4:47 MacAttack: (:
4:50 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: ...K. well I gtg if I want to be there before Veronica
4:51 MacAttack: Good luck <3 <3 <3
4:53 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: ...
4:54 Chaos-killed-the-dinos: Thanks Heather
kinda short but I wanted to post again today
Chapter 17: Bro (Kurt Kelly)
Kurt and Ram are drunk and JD just wants to go home.
I thought I'd post this tomorrow but it's out today
Kurt wasn’t like gay but Ram was smokin’ tonight.
“No, Heather, you don’t understand, I want to leave NOW.” Jason Dick barked into his phone.
That kid needed to let loose. Kurt tried to be a good buddy and get him drunk but JD refused.
“Heather I swear if you hang up on me-” Jason Dick growled, only to stop mid-way. “She fucking hung up on me” Jason Dick muttered and shoved his phone in his pocket. Kurt turned his attention to Ram, who was looking at the stars.
“Whatcha thinkin’, bro” Kurt whispered to his bro.
“The stars are beautiful man. But you know what’s even more beautiful?” Ram asked. Kurt's face turned red. And it wasn't from the booze.
Kurt could feel the tension. He was sure that Ram would say him. He wanted Ram to say him. But not in a gay way.
“What bro?” Kurt whispered. Ram sighed.
“Trench Coat kid.”
“What” Kurt deadpanned. Kurt tried his best not to feel disappointed or- God forbid- jealous but it was a hard fight.
“Yeah, I did not ask to be a part of this.” Jason Dick replied. Kurt shot a quick glare at him. First of all, how dare he, he should be honored Kurt's buddy Ram thinks he's pretty. Second, nobody fucking asked him.
“We should make out.” Ram slurred. Kurts eyes widened and heart speed up. Oh hell no. No fucking way would Mr.Sex-And-Death-And-Emo steal away Ram's virtue.
“No.” Jason Dick responded.
“YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT” Kurt raged. Ram was his bro. If he was going to make out with anyone, it would be him. That way Kurt would know it was safe and good and non homo.
“I do not plan to.” Jason Dick retorted. Kurt nodded. Good.
“Bro” Ram whispered at Kurt.
Kurt turned to Ram and caressed his face. “Bro” he whispered. The two looked deep into each other's eyes and felt each others feelings. Kurt had never felt so connected to some one in a 100% straight way.
And then they kissed. It wasn’t as good as Kurt originally thought it might be, but it was still pretty good.
The two broke away.
"No homo bro" Kurt whispered. Ram gave him a cute grin and nodded.
"You can't 'no homo' two guys making out. That's literally the gayest thing there is. What the fuck." Jason Dick said from somewhere behind Kurt. Kurt ignored him. Jason Dick wasn't in charge of him. He could no homo anything if he tried hard enough.
The two football players made out for a while before being interrupted by Jason Dick. Again. What was his deal, anyways?
“Ok, I’m going to leave now.” Jason Dick said.
“Why bro? You jealous?” Kurt sneered. Jason Dick didn’t look very impressed.
“Why dude? You homophobic or something’” Ram asked. That blew Kurt’s mind. Jason Dick didn’t look like the homophobic type. He looked pretty gay himself actually. Jason Dick looked mildly annoyed.
“No I’m not homophobic. I just don’t want to see you two tongue wrestling.” Jason Dick said.
Kurt digested this.
“Why man? We’re totally hot” Ram pressed. Kurt nodded his head. This was true. He eyed Ram and wanted to kiss him again.
“I don’t enjoy watching people make out. I don’t want to discuss this anymore, if either of you want a ride I’m leaving.” Jason Dick called as he began to walk away. Kurt and Ram stumbled behind him. They got in his SUV.
“Your place or his?” Jason Dick remarked casually.
“Mine” Kurt answered and kissed Ram again.
Jason Dick let out a long suffering sigh before taking off.
Kurt didn't care. He had Ram. And Ram tasted like beer.
Kurt would later remember none of this.
But JD would.
Chapter 18: Dreadful Etiquette (Heather Chandler)
Heather forces JD to socialize.
shout out to ThreeEyedBunnyTrash for the excellent commentary it honestly makes my day
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Heather Chandler wanted to kill herself. No, really. Jason Fucking Dean actually was making her consider chugging a glass of drain cleaner and being done with this bullshit.
“It’s not that hard. You walk up, ask how their weekend was, and go from there. How have you never made small talk before? Your seven-fucking-teen you ridiculous fucking stick insect.” Heather exclaimed. Honestly, did he need her to wipe his ass for him too?
“I don’t do people. And this is fucking stupid.” JD replied, crossing his arms over his chest. He was still wearing that fucking trench coat. Heather gave him specific instructions to burn that thing two days ago. What the fuck was taking him so long?
Heather grit her teeth. “No. This is not stupid. This is basic life skills. Literally, basic fucking social skills, that you somehow can’t do. Get over yourself.” Heather huffed. She centered herself and prepared to try again.
“Ok. You see Peter over there? We’re going to go say hi to him. I’m going to start the conversation, you are going to carry it on. This is non optional. Let's go.” Heather said before grabbing JD’s arm and marching over to Peter.
Heather plastered on a fake smile. She really fucking hated Peter but he would serve his purpose for now.
“Hi, Peter, how was your weekend?” Heather asked in a faux sugary tone. She made eye contact with JD.
Watch and learn, you beggarly douche, Heather thought to herself.
“Oh, uh, it was cool. How 'bout you guys?” Peter asked.He leaned up against his locker in a pitiful attempt to make himself seem cooler. As fucking if.
Heather dug one of her long fingernails into JD’s back. That prodded him into action.
“Well, I discussed politics with Heather’s grandmother and she agrees the cost of living is a problem and that at least 39% of our elected officials are a burden on society, instead of the help they promised to be while campaigning. Also got in the backseat of what appeared to be Heather’ Duke’s jeep to scare her and long story short it was not Heather Duke’s jeep. ” JD answered.
Heather closed her eyes.
“Oh. Uh. I got to go. “ Peter said, before walking away without ceremony.
Heather slowly allowed her fist to clench.
“ so how did I do?” JD asked.
How did he do?
Heather gave a disbelieving laugh.
“In a year, I believe strongly that you’ll be giving hand jobs to ugly, ugly men in vacant department stores for alcohol to numb the pain of your social inadequacy.” Heather said. Turning this boy into a functioning human being was going to be waaay harder Heather originally thought. "How do you think you did?" She finished.
JD kinda smirked and Heather growled “Get on the fucking group chat”
RedBitch: Everyone meet at my house after school. We’re giving Night of the living dead a lesson in etiquette.
Green-N-Mean: Who’s bringing snacks?
MacAttack: I’ll bring some stuff!!
MacAttack: What time
RedBitch: Jason. What time?
Chaos-killed-the-dinos: 3:30 works. I’m sitting right next to you Heather
RedBitch: Don’t be fucking late or I will shove your entire upper body into your own ass and make you fuck yourself from the inside out
MacAttack: You will do no such thing!! I have adopted him!!
RedBitch: Shut up Heather
The bell rang.
“See at 3:30 slut” Heather called to JD as she walked away.
So this takes place a few days after the Heather's meet JD. That meeting will be written at some point, don't know when.
Chapter 19: PDA (Martha Dunnstock)
Martha has a conversation with Rodney
So this scene was probably a lot funnier in my head.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Martha was in an awkward situation. Just how did you tell your friend that the person they were telling you how much they were in love with (who also happened to be your best friend) was making out with Scary Earring Guy?
Martha’s eyes flitted from Rodney to Veronica and JD.
“-And we’ve just got such great chemistry, you know?” Rodney rambled, sighing like the love sick fool he was.
She looked at Rodney to Veronica and JD.
“-the history we’ve got, I think, is something really important in a relationship. Like, I’ve known Veronica forever and she’s known me- that's another thing, I feel like Veronica really knows me and-Martha? Martha are you listening?” Rodney asked. There was a soft clunking sound from Veronica leaning up against the outdoor lockers, probably so she had an easier time reaching JD. Those two escalated quickly. Martha was glad Rodney was too distracted by his version of Veronica to notice the actual Veronica right behind him.
“Martha?” Rodney repeated. He started to turn to look around him, and Martha panicked.
“I think I may be gay for Heather” Martha blurted out just before Rodney turned around and saw Veronica’s very...public display of affection.
“What?” Rodney asked as he moved to face Martha again. “Heather number one?”
“No, uh, the yellow one. I can’t remember her last name. The cheerleader?” Martha tried. Rodney looked like he was trying to remember. Martha wondered if JD’s neck was going to hurt later from stooping to reach Veronica.
“Is she black?” Rodney asked.
“Yeah! Uh, she was at this sleepover that Veronica had last weekend, and we ended up kissing a little bit...I’m not sure if she really likes me or if I really like her cause I thought I was straight…” Martha trailed off when she noticed Rodney’s distant expression. “Rodney? Are you even listening to me?”
Rodney jumped a bit.
Veronica and Scary Earring Kid moved away a bit before Veronica pulled him down for another kiss and they started making out again. The two managed to fall on top of a park bench, which seemed a lot safer in Martha’s opinion.
Rodney blushed. Not because of Veronica, but because he got caught not paying attention.
“I’m sorry Martha, I was still thinking about Veronica…” Rodney said, sheepishly rubbing his neck before seemingly returning to his day dreams about Veronica.
“Never mind.” Martha sighed, sending Rodney a disappointed look.
"No, really Martha. What about Heather? Rodney asked. Martha knew his heart wasn't really in it but was pleased to see the effort.
Scary Earring Kid was pretty much on top of Veronica now, still going at it.
"You I've liked Ram forever right?" Martha asked. Rodney nodded and Martha continued. "Ok, so we were at the sleep over, and Veronica just gotten back from getting snack, all though come to think of it she didn't come back with any? Sorry, not important, anyways so we decided to play hide and seek, just for fun, and I hid with Heather in Veronica's parents closet, which was awkward, and then she told me I was cute and kissed me and I kissed her back and then she pulled away and I was going to kiss er again but Jen ended up finding us then Heather hid with everyone else for the rest of the nigh-"
"What the hell is Veronica doing?!" Rodney shrieked. Hopefully not loud enough for Veronica to hear. Oops. Martha had forgotten about them. She looked over.
Scary Earring Kid and Veronica were still passionately making out on the park bench. Martha looked at Rodney and winced. He looked as if he didn't quite believe it.
"Oh Rodney, I'm sorry...we wanted to tell you..." Martha started.
"Tell me what!?" Rodney asked, his voice going up a couple octaves.
Martha's stomach knotted with guilt.
"Veronica's kinda...sorta..well...dating someone? Sorta?" Martha replied. Rodney was still staring at them. Neither Veronica or her tongue tango partner noticed.
"I'm going to win her back." Rodney finally said in a small voice after a long pause.
Martha went back to her thoughts of Ram and Heather. Rodney wouldn’t notice anyways.
So you now know what else happened at that sleep over. I was going to have Betty and Heather become a thing but now I'm not sure who I want Heather to ultimately end up with. Also let me know what you think of Rodney. NASA kid was my favorite background character so I gave him a name and a bit of a back story as a casual friend of Veronica, Betty and Martha who has had a thing for Veronica since like 6th grade. JD and Veronica have no shame. To clarify, school is technically over in this one shot as well, and they are outside
Chapter 20: Fight for me (Veronica Sawyer)
Veronica babysits JD at a party
So I couldn't update this weekend. Sorry. I'll try and post a lot this week.
This was not only Veronica’s first party but Veronica’s first party with JD as her boyfriend. And yeah, she was having fun, she’d just probably have more fun if JD was just slightly less drunk when she arrived. “Hey, sorry I’m late.” Veronica said,slightly confused by JD’s drunken state.
“All is forgiven baby! C’mon, you my darling are my date to this shit hole.” JD made a huge sweeping gesture with arms. Veronica laughed more out of nervousness then humor. She quickly covered her mouth, as her laughter is horrendous, and there were a ton of people milling around. She never knew Peter was so popular. She followed a stumbling JD into the party. Veronica made a mental note not to allow him to stay long. He was really, really drunk.
“Heather, you bitch, I told you she would actually show up! Fuck!” JD shouted into the general direction of Heather Duke, who was grinding on some guy. She didn’t respond. JD turned to Veronica. “Nobody thinks that you actually like me.” He pouted. It was kinda adorable. Veronica smiled and affectionately ruffled his hair. “You know I like hanging out with you dork.” She replied. JD perked up and led her deeper into the party.
It was like this shit storm of drunken toddlers dancing,puking,drinking, and raging on. Every TV show and movie had lied to Veronica. It wasn’t pretty AT ALL. At the eye of the storm was Heather Chandler, Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeney. It appeared that the boys were attempting to flirt with Heather, with no results. JD attempted to sneak by them, but managed to trip over just about everything, including himself. Veronica had to stifle a laugh and help him up multiple times. Somehow, they weren’t noticed until they were nearly out of sight.
“Well if it isn’t Shitface McDouchebag.” A very intoxicated Heather Chandler exclaimed. Veronica wasn’t sure if Heather was talking about her or JD till JD responded with a “Fuck off.” Heather stumbled her way toward JD. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Heather asked him.
JD narrowed his eyes at her. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He replied with a slightly mocking tone.
Heather’s expression soured. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I asked first!”
“You asked third as well!” JD taunted. Heather shrieked and the two started bickering. Veronica was quite amused until she felt someone stand next to her.
“Heeeey ‘Rrronicaaa” Kurt slurred, eyes glued to Veronica’s chest.
“Oh, ewwww. You gotta a left hand, use it!” Veronica exclaimed in disgust.
“Don’t talk mean like that baby! When I get that feeling, I neeed sexual healing.” Ram said, swinging a arm around Veronica’s shoulders. Veronica was about to shove him off when a fist flew into Ram’s face. “LAY OFF MY DEAD GIRL WALKING” JD barked. Veronica was frozen in shock. He just punched his fre- well, she wouldn’t go so far as to say they were friends, but still. For her. He punched a guy, for her. Kurt attempted to throw a punch only to have JD sock him in the stomach. Ram stumbled up and attempted to punch JD’s face only to miss. JD then actually head butted him. The fighting continued for a while. Veronica watched, rather starry eyed. She knew she shouldn’t watch that crap, it wasn’t who she was, but with this kid? Daaammmnn. He was fighting for her and she kinda loved it. That was not something that she was going to examine closely right now. When the fight ended, with JD as the victor, Veronica quickly looked around and made some observations. A( Kurt Kelly on the ground holding his nuts was a hilarious sight to see. B( evidently the Heather agreed, because all three of them were laughing and pointing. C( JD was now looking at her with that lost puppy dog expression and Veronica could hardly believe he was in a fist fight literally five seconds before. “Well, thanks for the invite Heather! I better get JD home, bye!” Veronica blurted and grabbed JD by the elbow,, careful to avoid his wrist and hands in case he injured them.
“Veronica?My knuckles hurt.” JD whined pathetically while trailing behind her. Veronica looked over her shoulder to give him a assuring smile.
“Don’t worry, we’ll look at it when we get back to your place.” Veronica cooed at the boy. She helped him into her car and got in after him. She was sooo not missing anymore parties.
Chapter 21: Boxes (Heather Chandler)
The Heather help JD unpack
“Ok. Wow. This is actually heinous. “Heather Chandler glowered at JD’s living room. Heather D and Heather M stepped into the house and JD shut the door behind them.
“It’s not so bad. I’ve seen worse.” JD replied. The entire house was filled with boxes, trash and random miscellaneous tools and clothes. Heather wrinkled her nose. No wonder JD is human garbage, he's surrounded by it, she thought to herself.
“Aww, you guys haven’t even had a chance to unpack yet!” Heather M exclaimed sympathetically. JD winced at the loud sound.
“Not so loud guys.” JD muttered in a low voice. Heather was tempted to stomp around and make as much noise as possible until she noticed the undoubtedly drunk man passed out on the battered couch. Heather raised one eyebrow and looked at JD, pointing toward the man.
JD grimaced. “Uh, yeah. That’s Pop. Just don’t wake him up guys?” JD said before heading up the stairs. Heather threw a glance at the snoring man. He looked familiar but Heather couldn't place him. She shrugged and went up the stairs. Heather M and Heather D followed her. He took them into a room which appeared to be his bedroom. Heather quietly snorted at the idea. If any thing, Jesse James could brag he had all three Heather in his bedroom. The idea was so absurd that Heather nearly laughed.
There were three things that Heather immediately noticed: One, JD still had a pet hamster, despite the fact he really should have grown out of that years ago, Two he had a saxophone case leaning up against the wall which is super lame, and three, that literally nothing else was unpacked.
“Question: What’s with the sax?” Heather D asked just as Heather was about to open her mouth. She shot Heather Duke a peeved look and waited for an answer. Honestly, Heather D was always opening her mouth when it wasn't wanted.
“Uh, yeah… I was in band back in middle school..no big deal.” JD replied, rubbing the back of his neck.
“My god you’re a loser.” Heather laughed at him, making JD jump at the sudden noise. It was a factual statement. Behind his Edge Lord get up, he was a total dork and a band geek to boot. Heather Marched towards some of the boxes.
“Heather, Heather, help me unpack some of this shit. Jesse James get to work! We got a lot of shit to cover!”
Everyone did as she commanded, as usual. After Heather pulled out some clothes and such out of a couple of boxes, she stopped to survey everyone else working.
Heather M dug through boxes, Heather D sorted and JD put everything away. The four of them bickered the entire time.
“JD, what the hell is up with the hamster?” Heather D asked.
Thank you god,Heather praised in her head. She had been so distracted by the bullshit that was JD’s bedroom that she had forgotten to flame him for all the dorky bullshit that was in his bedroom.
“Don’t fucking diss Slushie, OK? He has done nothing to you, so fuck off.” JD retorted as he stuffed another stack of tee shirts into his dresser. For someone who wear a coat literally everyday, he has a lot of tee shirts. And they all had weird shit on them too, like ‘Society churns out slaves and blanks’ and ‘ greetings and salutations'.
“You named the rat Slushie? Did your father drop you on your head?” Heather snapped.
“No, that would have required him to pick me up.” JD quipped. Heather didn’t miss Heather M’s dramatic wince. Honestly, Heather M needed to stop crying over everyone’s sob story. Heather made a mental note to work on Heather M's soft side with her later. That shit just can't fly in Westerburg.
“That would explain all the “Daddy Issues’ tee shirts.” Heather D mumbled, digging through pile of jeans.
Heather M sighed, and stopped emptying the box in her hands. “Ok, We should totally take a break and gets lattes. This is some seriously shitty work.” Heather M proceeded to drop the box of precious knick knacks of JD’s unceremoniously onto his bed. Heather approved.
“If you had asked me earlier, I would have told you there isn’t much point in unpacking. We’ll be gone in six weeks.” JD said dryly. Heather shot a murderous glare at him. He didn't fucking mention that before! Now what?! Heather mind raced as she calculated the cost benefit analysis of still working with JD. She hurridly came to a conclusion and opened her mouth to reply.
“Then we have even less time then I thought! Get the car ready loser, we’re getting Starbucks. Nobody wake up Daddy Dean or they will have to surgically remove my shoe from your ass!” Heather snapped and paraded out of the room. She would still fix JD. He would be turning 18 soon and if there was one thing Heather took pleasure in it would be teaching people real life. If you want to fuck withe eagles you gotta learn to fly. She could teach JD to fly.
The three stooges followed her, and they all somehow managed to sneak out of the house.
Heather’s phone buzzed.
HM: Can I adopt him now???
Heather sighed dramatically. She didn’t know what she was going to do with JD or Heather M for that matter. She thought on it as she hopped into the driver’s seat of her car. Heather sent out a text to Heather M.
HC: It’s your funeral.
Heather smirked and started up her car. If this project was going to be a pain in the ass, Heather might as well make it fun too.
Chapter 22: In a name Part 2 (Heather Duke)
Heather is tasked with finding out JD's legal first name.
sorry I didn't update Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm going to try and figure out a schedule for posting. I am however working on two chapters right now so Until then enjoy
Is was funny. Heather Duke was having a hard time keeping it together. JD was getting so mad.
“It’s a shortened version of my full name, I don’t understand what is so hard to grasp about that?” JD sullenly commented. He has this annoyed look on his face that Heather couldn't get enough of.
“What is sooo long about your first name that you have to cut it down to JD?” Heather M giggled. Heather M had a valid point. Heather turned to JD to watch his reaction.
“And why the fucking fuck would you pick your initials to go by? I demand to know your first name. I fucking demand it. It has to be really embarrassing for you to stoop this low.” Heather C, well, demanded. But JD refused to give it up. Heather was almost embarrassed for him.
“Tell me.” Heather M said.
“No” JD replied.
And they continued on like that for a while. Heather could feel her blood pressure rise. And a single glance at Heather C confirmed she was in no better state.
“OK. That’s enough of that. I swear to god, I will just call your mom and ask!” Heather huffed out in annoyance. Honestly! The subject wasn’t even worth the argument anymore. Besides, Heather thought JD sounded kinda cool. It had a total mysterious bad boy vibe to it.
“Sure ok. You got a ouija board?” JD asked. Heather froze and Heather C paused. That was new information. JD refused to talk about his home life. Heather knew his parents must have had some money because his bike was not cheap. He never mentioned a dead mom, however.
“Never mind. Anyways. We’ll find out your first name you sack of shit, and you will use it like a normal human being!” Heather snapped. Her face was flushed with red from embarrassment. She really couldn't believe that just happened. She quickly turned her thoughts away from her social blunder. An idea popped into Heather’s head and she quickly texted Heather C.
HD: I’m on yearbook committee. I have access to every ones name
HC: Get it done bitch
“I got to go. Yearbook.” Heather said, quickly standing up and hurrying out of the room. It was such an obvious answer. Heather was surprised she didn't think of it before. Heather made her way down the hallway in a slightly nervous fashion. She wasn’t sure whether she really wanted to know JD’s first name.What if it wasn’t sexy? Heather wasn’t sure if she could look at JD the same if his name was something totally dorky. Like Jeremiah or Jeremy or something. She walked into the room where the yearbook committee meets and walked straight towards the students files. She opened it up and started flipping through the D’s.
Daniels, Darcy, Davids...Dean.
Heather pulled out the name. There was JD’s school picture and his full name. She looked at it for a while and thought about how it really didn’t suit him.
She messaged Heather and Heather on the group chat.
Green-N-Mean: I got the name
Green-N-Mean: Jason Christian Dean.
MacAttack: That was anticlimactic
RedBitch: I was hoping it would be something we could use against him and weaken his spirit
Green-N-Mean: The worst part of that sentence is that I know you aren’t kidding
RedBitch: SHUT UP HEATHER
Green-N-Mean: Sorry Heather
“Heather! Why aren’t you in class!” came the shrill voice of Mrs.Fleming. Heather groaned, shoved her phone in her pocket, and turned to face the guidance counselor. Time to face the music. Heather watched the woman stomped toward her in her tacky shoes. This really wasn’t worth it. Why did Heather care so much about his name again?
Chapter 23: Dream Killer (Jason Dean)
JD meets a girl.
This chapter is dedicated to ThreeEyedBunnyTrash for helping me get around to finishing this awful,awful one shot. I might have just destroyed JD's character in this chapter sorry guys. Also the first ever chapter to this was only a few days after this chapter. So yeah. First time he meets Veronica!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
JD didn’t have anything against Martha Dunnstock. He didn’t have anything for her, but she seemed pretty nice. The two of them talked a grand total of one time (The mess that was Heather D trying to flame Courtney Stevenson and suddenly everyone was throwing things and JD hid under the table. Same table as Martha, as it was) and while the girl had a problem with oversharing JD didn’t mind her company.
It really was a pity that Heather decided to ruin her day.
It started with Heather M knocking the tray out of Martha’s hands and ended with Heather D yelling out “Martha Dumptruck, wide load.”
All under the carefully cruel supervision of Heather C. It bothered him to no end that Heather C did asshole shit like this. Who the fuck made her queen anyway? Why was she so determined to hurt people? While the trio of girls laughed at Martha, JD's steely determination to find a place where Heather's and Martha's could get along solidified.
And that’s when JD’s life changed forever.
“Hey, pick that up right now!” A sweet, smoky voice called out. JD turned to look at the owner.
You know in movies when the protagonist meets a really attractive girl and everything goes all sexy slow mo and sexy jazz or Dream Killer plays in the background?
That’s what was happening to JD but in real life.
The girl was short, wearing a baggy sweater, and had medium-ish dark hair. In the grand things of the universe, she could be considered on the pretty side of average to most, maybe a bit chubby or plain to some. Nothing remarkable. To JD, she was a goddess. She was unique among the perfectly primped and polished girls he had somehow came to surround himself with and call friends. She didn't dress to impress anyone and she spoke out for Martha with nothing to gain for herself. He swallowed. He couldn’t say what he felt was really ‘attraction’ but more of piqued interest. It's not everyday you meet someone ready to defend their friend from The Heather’s never ending cruelty.
“Excuse moi? Are you really talking to us?” Heather asked mockingly. It occurred to JD that he should probably say something. Something cool, and smooth, that would impress the blue eyed girl standing in front of him. The girl looked as if she was about to say something and JD knew he had to act fast.
“yEAH HEATHER PICK IT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PILLOW CASE WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?” JD yelled. Very loudly. All the surrounding girls (and cafeteria) jumped and gave him a startled stare. JD was willing to admit that his outburst was neither cool or smooth. He would try again.
“Do you think this is funny Heather?” JD demanded, looking at Heather C. He had a new plan to impress new girl. Even Heather C couldn’t fuck it up.
“You did too until three seconds ago, spazz.” Heather C said, raising a perfectly groomed eyebrow.
Heather C fucked it up. JD kept his disgusted expression aimed at Heather.
“Oh yeah. Making a girl consider suicide. What a scream,what a laugh.” JD scoffed. He ignored Heather’s infamous “What the fuck fuckhead” look and turned to Martha and her very pleasant and brave friend. The Girl was giving him a puzzled and cautious stare. He gave her a small smile. She smiled a little in return and JD's heart went wild.
“Sorry about that Martha.” JD said coolly. He grabbed her thankfully empty tray and handed it back to her. Martha threw a glance at her friend and JD hoped it meant something good for him.
“Um. It’s fine.Bye.” Martha squeaked. She grabbed her friend, who looked like she still had something to say, and dragged her off to a lunch table. JD frowned. He had hoped they would go into the lunch line so he could get a chance to talk to The Girl.
“What the fuck JD?!? WHAT.WAS.THAT?!” Heather shrieked. She started ranting, with Heather M and D commenting once and awhile. JD payed no attention to what she said. He was too busy thinking about the girl who stood up to Heather Chandler and how beautiful she was.
Demi JD is my favorite head cannon and I wanted write something that would leave a big impact on JD and encourage his interest in Veronica while still representing that head cannon. Let me know if you think there's something that could be rewritten to do that better!
Chapter 24: DEAD GIRL WALKING (Part One)
Veronica is a dead girl walking
I'm not proud of this but its a thing. RIP JD honestly.
Veronica nervously fidgeted while the Heather’s all reacted, Heather M was cheering, Heather D was glowing while smiling whatever that meant, and Heather Chandler just kept saying “Fucking Finally”
Veronica is in love with Jason Dean.
All of them were somewhere past drunk and stoned. The Heather's had offered to get Veronica stoned and drunk and she was all ‘hell yeah’ and there they were. Talking about their feelings and shit.
“I’m feeling nice, so here’s some advice: Take fucking charge. If you really want to lose your virginity tonight, you gotta do the work, boo boo. There is no way in fucking fuck hell that JD is going to do shit. He’s going to be in too much shock at seeing a titty for the first time.” Heather C rambled while taking another sip of her vodka.
Veronica listened with rapt attention. She knew shit about sex and romance and shit. Veronica didn't even think about losing her virginity tonight until Heather mentioned it. It sounded like a fucking good ass idea. Veronica wanted the first time her boyfriend saw a titty to be nice. Especially if the titties were hers.Veronica knew for a scientific fact that her breast were awesome.
“This is such a, a looooooong time coming ya know?” Heather M slurred. Veronica learned that she while she preferred the vodka to the joint, Heather M was a total lightweight. “Like, JD is allllways babbabaling on about yooou and how cute you are and how he worships you. He actually fucking said that!” Heather M chattered.
Heather duke snorted and took a large sip of her drink. She then slammed her cup down before saying “It’s time to take a chainsaw and destroy Walking Garbage Pale’s misplaced trust in us. Veronica, prepare to hear every gushy thing JD has ever said about you.”
Veronica was thriving. This was the best night EVER. All the Heather’s were all sharing ridiculously affectionate and lovey dovey things JD has said over the few months they have dated. They were all cackling over JD but Veronica was deeply touched. Her favorite line was “ I was a frozen lake and Veronica melted me awake.”
It was sappy, and cute, and perfect and Veronica just loved him so much.
Veronica hurriedly stood up, slammed her hands on the table, and announced “I”M GoNNA FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT”
The Heather’s looked at her in surprise. None of them said anything until Heather C yelled “GET IN THE CAR BITCH WE’LL DROP YOU OFF”
And the parade of drunken teenage girls got into Heather’s Porsche. Heather C always drove her car. Even though she probably isn’t the most sober on in the car. The girls screeched out of Heather’s driveway and drove off to JD’s.
Once out side JD’s house, Veronica had to oogle it for a bit. It was large and nicely painted but it lacked that kind of ‘lived in’ quality that made houses so homey.JD’s bike was parked in the driveway. Veronica bit her lip in an attempt to conceal her squeal of joy.
“Veronica. Hey. You go get some, girl. Fucking enjoy the fucking ride, kay?” Heather C said in a serious tone. Veronica solemnly nodded before climbing over Heather D to get out. Heather M reached over to smack Veronica in the ass right as Veronica got out of the car.
When Veronica was a safe distance away the ruby red car, it sped away with the sounds of whooping and hollering from the girls inside trailing after them. Veronica turned to JD’s house. She realized she had a problem. She did not know how to get into JD’s house let alone his bed. She immediately decided the front door was a no no. Veronica eyed up the house and made the quick assessment that the windows were the way to go.
It wasn’t til she was scaling the house and halfway to the window that she realized she didn’t know if this was JD’s window or if it was locked or not. Veronica ignored her rational thoughts and kept climbing.
As luck would have it, the window lock on the window was already busted and easy to snap off, and it indeed was JD’d bedroom. Veronica stared at the sleeping boy in awe before climbing on the bed. JD continued to sleep. This was unacceptable. JD needed to wake up and get laid.
“JD” Veronica whispered. The boy didn’t move. Veronica was offended. “ JD WAKE YOUR ASS UP” Veronica shouted in his ear. JD bolted up. He frantically looked around before spotting Veronica.
“Veronica!” JD said.
“Hi!” Veronica squealed back. Her boyfriend continued staring at her in surprise. He was shirtless. Veronica approved.
.What are you doing in my room?!” JD squeaked in a mildly panicked tone. Veronica giggled.
“Dude, I’m here to break your dick.” Veronica said. JD’s gaze was uncomprehending.
“Sorry about waking you up.” Veronica added mildly.
“You’re here to do what now?” JD’s voice went up an octave. Veronica went over to straddle JD’s legs and sighed.
“Listen,my dude, my guy, I was like hangin’ out with Heather,Heather and Heather,and it like it killed me dead. “ Veronica gasped and whispered “I’m a dead girl walking.”
Veronica grabbed JD’s face and looked into his still confused eyes.
“I’m a dead girl walking. You are my last mean on death row, my dude. You are the most beautiful person ever. You know this, I know this, we just know that, ok? So like,yeah. I’m hot and kinda pissed about your fuckin’ window and on pill.” Veronica rambled. JD’s expression did not change. Veronica kissed him.
She pulled away and he looked less confused. Veronica counted it as a win.
“Let’s make this beautiful!” Veronica said.
JD, who’s brain was pretty much broken at this point, said “That works for me.”
And it did work for him.
Chapter 25: DEAD GIRL WALKING (part two)
this chapter is for Megalovanilize, who encouraged me to be stupid with this chapter and have it be written, ok that didn't make any sense but I tried my best you guys. ALSO IMPORTANT DON'T JUST SKIP OVER THIS:::: If you have a head canon that you like or wish there was more stuff about this one character or the like, hit me up on my tumblr and i'd love to write a one shot about it. So yeah enjoy this hot mess
The Heather’s are super smug. Why wouldn’t they be? They got JD laid.An astronomical task and something that in Heather Chandler's opinion should have happened weeks ago. JD had attempted to explain on multiple occasions that 'real' relationships didn't work like that, but whatever. Heather C strutted to the front door and grabbed the key under the mat. The Heather's, as a group, decided that they should probably be there for JD the morning after, in case he needed to vent or it was really terrible or something. Thankfully they waited until Veronica went home. JD gave her a ride and they kissed before they left. That had to be a good sign. Heather M was so proud of her son. Heather C was so proud of herself because honestly it was all a result of her hard work. Heather D was kinda proud of Veronica because what ever the fucked up shit that took place last night, Veronica had the balls to initiate it. The girls walked into the kitchen. Heather D made a beeline for the coffee machine. Heather C daintily sat down at the kitchen table.
“I’ll make pancakes!” Heather M chirped.
“No pancake art!” Heather C barked. Heather D started the coffee and shuttered when she thought of the last time Heather M tried making pancake art. So many burned pancakes. Heather M pouted but nonetheless got out materials for pancakes and started cooking. In a few short minutes Heather D and Heather C were sipping coffee and scrolling through Facebook and the newspaper respectively. The kitchen door opened. A confused Bud Dean stood.
“Hi Mr.Dean. Pancakes?” Heather M asked in a sunny tone.
“No..thank you, Heather. How did you get in my house?” Mr.Dean asked, rubbing his face.
“There’s coffee too. A little burned but what else can you expect from Heather?” Heather C asked, completely ignoring Mr.Dean’s question.
“Hey!My coffee taste fine Heather, go fuck yourself!” Heather D snapped, looking up from her phone. Heather C shot a long suffering look to Mr. Dean and flipped the page of her newspaper. Mr.Dean stared for another minute before leaving the kitchen. Another minute later the three girls heard the front door shut.
“Bye Mr.Dean!” Heather M called. There was no response. She flipped another pancake.
The girls contently sat in JD’s mostly empty kitchen while Heather M’s stack of completed pancakes grew higher and higher.Heather D attempted to take one but was harshly denied by Heather M.
“These are my baby boy’s celebratory pancakes, you slut. You’re just going to puke it all up later anyway, so why bother?” Heather M said in as gruff a tone as she could manage. Heather C cackled and a blushing Heather D refilled her coffee cup. The front door opened.
“OK bitches, time to get the details. Today, we grill his ass. Places.” Heather C barked. The girls carefully arranged their expressions and body language into something resembling ‘chill’.
JD was not expecting to see Heather, Heather, or Heather when he walked into his kitchen. He thought something was up when he smelled cooking pancakes. JD had panicked thinking that his father might have heard him and Veronica and made breakfast in a terribly misguided way of showing fatherly pride. JD wasn’t sure whether he preferred the Heather’s to that or not.
“why are you my house?” JD asked. The girls looked up at him with matching fake expressions of surprise.
“Oh Hey Sweetheart! You’re back!” Heather M chirped and slid another pancake onto the plate. The pile of them was steadily rising. Heather D refused to take one of principal and Heather C didn’t see the point. Pancakes wasn’t what they were there for.
“Yes. I am. Why are you in my house? How did you get in here? Why are there pancakes?” JD asked. He scanned the kitchen and noticed coffee was also made. He was tempted to take a cup but resisted. JD didn’t know what the cost might be if he accepted their peace offerings.
“None of that’s important now. Take a seat, have some breakfast.” Heather C said in a way to smug tone. JD didn’t take breakfast but he did sit down at his table. JD stared Heather C down like he would an approaching tiger or bear or something. Heather D stood up and grabbed him a cup of coffee. He glared at the mug and then at Heather C. She gestured for him to drink it and he complied. JD was surprised. It was pretty good coffee. Heather M set down a plate of pancakes on front of him and JD, who was mistakenly at ease, happily dug in. JD knew the situation was shady as hell but he wasn’t going to say no the Heather M’s pancakes. She had this amazing talent of making them perfectly golden and round without using a cookie cutter or anything. He bit into a mouthful and nearly sighed in content. He could nearly forget about them breaking into his house,which was pretty much Armageddon. especially if they made pancakes-
“So how was getting your cherry popped? And popping cherries?” Heather C asked casually. Oh nooo.
Armageddon was back on, baby.
JD choked on his pancakes. Heather D attempted to whack him on the back but was not help. He chugged what was left of his coffee and could breathe again. Heather C was expectantly looking at him.
“Leave.” JD croaked. He realized too late that all the Heather’s were sitting at the kitchen table, Heather M to his right and Heather D to his left with Heather C right across from him. He looked around wildly. There was no escape.
“Was it good? I can’t expect to have been cause she was pretty fucked up. Sorry bout that.She puked on the way over here but we gave her breath mints. Could you still tell or?” Heather D rambled. JD for the most part ignored her but focused the one important part of the sentence. The ride over and We. A lot of things that JD asked last night that Veronica couldn’t/wouldn't answer suddenly made sense.
“So that's how she found my address.” JD whispered to himself. He was shook. His ‘friends’ (if you could call them that) literally gave his girlfriend a ride to lose her virginity. He was both very alarmed about how invested in his life they were and oddly touched. Heather M got up and slid a couple more pancakes onto his plate. She sat down and beamed at him and JD prepared himself for whatever she had to say.
“Oh my baby is all grown up! She's so pretty Sweetheart I'm so proud! Eat your breakfast!” Heather M gushed. JD didn’t let himself relax but was relieved that Heather M’s commentary was so pure and good.
“Only if your not filled up on pussy.” Heather C snarked. Heather D snorted into her coffee and JD sighed. There it was. There’s the commentary he failed to prepare himself for. He just expected it from the wrong Heather. It suddenly occurred to JD that his dad ought to be home. Icy fear of facing him raced through JD’s veins.
“ I swear to fucking god, if my dad wakes up I will swap your Diet Coke for liquid drainer, Heather. “ JD threatened in a low tone. Heather C snorted.
“Oddly specific and not nearly as alarming as you thought it would be.” Heather C responded. Heather D rolled her eyes.
“Your dad left a while ago. No worries there. Now, you still haven’t said whether Veronica is good in bed or not…?” Heather D trailed off. JD steadily ignored her. JD was not opening that can of worms. Heather M cleared her throat. She had her Mom™ expression on and was patiently waiting for her turn to speak.
“Jason,” Heather M started in a sweet, concerned tone. “I think it’s time that we started talking about the really important thing.” JD stared at her blankly. Heather M took a breather before asking. “Did you use protection?”
JD Bot does not compute.
“No” was all he could mutter in horror. No way. He was not having this conversation with Heather McNamara.
“No?! What the fuck JD!” Heather C screeched. JD jumped out of his seat in alarm and realized what he said. He paled even further and attempted to fix his mistake.
“No, that’s not-”
“What if you get AIDS?!? HUH?! OR WHAT IF SHE GETS PREGNANT!?! YOU CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT TO ME JASON DEAN!” Heather Duke screamed.
“NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I-” A now fully panicked JD tried again, only for Heather M’s cry of “I’m not old enough to be a grandma!” To cut him off. All three Heather’s were panicking. What have they done? What events have they put into motion? Heather C was incredibly paranoid about using protection in bed, how could she not have lectured the Mess™ about the importance of it before hand?! Heather D’s thought process was literally on fire. If JD had a baby with Veronica then he’d be stuck with her for life which mean he’d have to never talk to the Heather’s again because what kind of baby mama would let their baby daddy do that type of shit and then JD would never talk to Heather D again and Heather D would die alone all because she got drunk and decided to encourage some ugly bitches inner hoe- All Heather M could think about was that she wasn’t old enough to be a grandma. And her mom wasn’t old enough to be a great grandma.
JD Bot overload.
“GUYS THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT” JD yelled over the fucking chaos that was taking place at his kitchen table.
“THEN WHAT DID YOU MEAN” Heather M yelled in a slightly lower tone than JD’s.
“THAT I WASN’T HAVING THAT CONVERSATION WITH YOU,THAT’S WHAT” JD responded in a lower tone than Heather’s previous.
“OH thank GOD” Heather Duke sighed. Her voice was choked with relief and she almost wanted to cry tears of joy. But she didn’t because how extra would that be?
“Ok, but did you?” Heather C growled in a deadly serious tone. JD rose from the table and raised his middle finger at the group of girls. He started to back into the kitchen door way, giving them the bird the entire time.
“ I'm going to go hang myself. Thank’s for breakfast.” JD said with a note of finality in his voice. He then exited the kitchen. The girls could hear him go upstairs. Silence filled the kitchen for a good ten minutes as the teenage girls were still getting over their combined panic and shock.
“Should we go after him?” Heather Duke whispered. Heather C took a sip of her freezing cold coffee and shook her head.
“No. No way in fuck am I going into his sex dungeon. Let’s fucking leave.” Heather C replied. Heather M glanced around the kitchen.
“Should I leave him pancakes?” Heather M whispered, her wide eyes anxiously looking back and forth between her friends. Heather Duke banged her head into the kitchen table and didn’t move until they were leaving.
Chapter 26: Platonic Making Out (Kurt Kelly)
JD and Kurt have a little chat.
@ Megalovanilize for coming up with this chapter
“JD, I’m telling you, we are not even a little bit gay” Kurt insisted. The very notion of it was ridiculous. He and Ram were the kings of platonic love for another dude. Platonic is the key word there. Heather Duke taught him it when explaining how Heather Chandler was aromatic or whatever
JD took another long drink of his slushie before saying “Shoving your tongue down another man’s throat is pretty much the gayest thing you can do.”
Kurt was shook. What exactly was this asshole implying?
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kurt spluttered. He wouldn’t do that with another guy, would he?
“Um. Yeah. You would. You kinda already did.” JD answered before taking another drink of his slushie. Kurt hadn't realized he said that out loud. JD was still drinking his slushie. It make that obnoxious sucking sound when he did. Fuck Kurt hated when Jason did that.
Oh. Judging by the glare on JD's face he said that thing out loud too. Anyway, back to the topic of Kurt making out with a dude.
“Who?!” Kurt demanded. He glared at JD for half a second before a realization hit him like lightning. Kurt gasped and gaped incomprehensibly. There was only one dude who it could possibly be. Kurt could hardly believe it but it was the only answer. Who else got so stupid drunk that they might consider and go through with kissing Kurt?
“You!?” Kurt shrieked. “I kissed you?!”
JD gave him a withering look that was confused, annoyed, and disinterested all at once. Heather Chandler must have taught him how to do it it because she wears an identical face when ever Kurt tries to get some. Kurt would be impressed if he wasn't so alarmed at the situation.
“No you stupid, stupid, bag of pickled dicks. It was Ram. How did you not guess Ram first?” JD grumbled.
Kurt was once again shook. Of course! It seemed so obvious now! Who else would get so drunk and horny that they would mack on their best friend!
Kurt had another realization.
“Wait.” Kurt frowned. He narrowed his eyes before saying “How do I know you aren’t lying?”
“Wait, did it actually take you this long to ask?” JD mocked. He rolled his eyes but still got out his phone and stood next to Kurt. JD scrolled through his pictures. Literally every one was of one of the Heather’s taking a selfie or selfies of Veronica or pictures of him and Veronica (god those two were disgustingly cute). There was one that was different than the others. It was a picture of him and Ram, tangled in each others arms. Passionately kissing.
Kurt’s eyes popped out of his skull. JD absent mindlessly added the picture to a folder entitled ‘Blackmail’ and muttered something about being organized.
Kurt was still processing.
“So. Pretty gay.” JD finished. He drank to rest of his slushie and winced. “Brain freeze” He said, clutching his greasy skull.
Kurt still hadn’t moved. They sat in silence for a while.
“Well, this has gotten weird. So i’m going to go. Auf wiedersehen Kurt.” JD said, gave Kurt a two finger salute before driving off on his motorbike.
Kurt swallowed and pulled out his phone. He immediately called Ram.
“Bro.” Kurt said into the phone when Ram answered.
“Bro?” Ram asked back.
“We are the KINGS of platonic making out.” Kurt grinned. He'd have to share his new term with Heather Duke to see if that applies to aromatic-ism or something.
“Bro!” Ram exclaimed.
"Bro." Kurt confirmed.
Jason wouldn’t remember this conversation later. Mostly because he didn’t hear it.
But Kurt would.
Chapter 27: Jason Dicklord (Rodney)
Rodney strikes a deal and has a lovely conversation with a lovelier girl.
SO let me know if you guys are interested in seeing more of Rodney and give me feed back on the little monster
Rodney gulped as he walked up to Kurt and Ram. This was a bad bad bad idea. But what else was Rodney to do? His best friends, Martha and Betty, refused to help him. Betty said it was because Rodney needed to get over himself and let Veronica go for god’s sake, and Martha said she didn’t want to cause ‘conflict’ and that if Rodney was serious about his feelings that he would just want Veronica to be happy. And Rodney did want Veronica to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. It’s just the fact that Rodney was 10000% sure that Jason Dean was a serial killer or something. Rodney had been low key watching him since he found out that he and Veronica were dating. It wasn’t a weird thing, ok? Veronica was his friend. He was worried about her. Jason Dean brought a gun to school for gods sake. He hung out with the Heather's, the most vicious pack of wolves to run Westerburg in a long long time. What about that said "Boyfriend materiel"? Rodney was definitely stalling. He still hasn't walked up to Kurt and Ram. He was going to but distracted himself so he could chicked ot. He took another deep breath. Rodney had to do this. For Veronica. He nodded to himself and walked up to Kurt and Ram,for real this time.
“Hello” Rodney squeaked. The two jocks looked at him with blank expressions. Alright already off to a bad start.
“Are you actually talking to me?” Kurt sneered. Rodney straightened up. This was for Veronica.
“Yes I am. I have a business opportunity for you two...gentlemen. It includes the chance to fuck with Jason Dean.” Rodney proposed.
“I’m fucking in.” Ram said. Rodney was startled by the declaration. He didn’t think it be that easy
“Wait truly?” Rodney asked.
“Yeah man. Lets fuck with Sir Edgelord of the slut table. “Ram confirmed. Rodney processed that and winced a bit at the terribly historically inaccurate insult that was bestowed upon Jason.
“Dude. Bro. Are you forgetting about Heather? Do you want to ever get laid again?” Kurt asked, smacking his best friend. Uh Oh. This wasn’t good news for Rodney.
Ram’s brows furrowed.
“But bro. Fucking with Asshole McEdgelord” Ram whined. Kurt patted his shoulder.
“I know bro. I know.” The two boys rather dramatically side hugged each other. Rodney only started to get uncomfortable when they started pounding on eachothers backs.
“Um. Heather doesn’t have to know?” Rodney offered. He assumed they were talking about Heather number one, a truly terrifying girl who would probably punch Rodney in the face if he ever tried to talk to her. He somehow seriously doubted she would ever catch wind of his little scheme.
“I’m right the fuck back in” Ram exclaimed. Kurt seemed to consider it a moment. Rodney felt as though he was sitting on pins.
“Yeah me too bro. Lets fuck with Jason Dick!” Kurt whooped. The two jocks seemed to have a little celebration. It was very intense and they got way in each other's personal space. Rodney had a feeling they were not entirely as heterosexual as they pretended to be.
“Alrighty, nice speaking with you gentlemen. I’ll be in touch with details” Rodney rushed out. He scurried away lest he be forced to spend more time with the neanderthals. Rodney allowed himself to savor the taste of victory. Hopefully one of many to come.
As he was rushing away he didn’t notice himself running into an angel.
“Veronica!” Rodney exclaimed in surprised. Veronica looked at him with those big blue eyes and he was helpless.
“Oh hey Rodney! Haven’t seen you around lately!” Veronica greeted him with that lovely smile of hers. Rodney fought a blush. She truly was radiant.
“Haven’t seen you around either. I suppose you’ve been busy with your newly formed relationship.” Rodney said with only a small portion of the bitterness he felt about it. But no. He was determined to be civil about this...well, at least to Veronica’s face.
Veronica blushed and Rodney felt his blood boil. If that Jason asshole wasn’t like a solid 10 inches taller then him and had already won several fist fights…
“Yeah, I mean I guess. I didn’t mean to blow you off or anything.” Veronica said in a kind and sorta sheepish tone. That’s something Rodney loved about her. She was so considerate and thoughtful.
“It’s alright, Ronnie, I understand. Being in a romantic entanglement can be time consuming and makes it hard to make time for friends and the like. I’ll admit that I was somewhat surprised when you chose the new kid for your romantic partner.” Rodney said. He prayed that wasn’t too clingy.
“Surprised? Why’s that?”Veronica asked. Rodney panicked a bit at the question. Should he make his feelings on Jason Death known? Should he brush the question off?
“I just didn’t peg his as your type, that’s all.”Rodney said.’Veronica gave him a look. He couldn’t tell what kind of look it was. Either way Rodney knew he was now walking on thin ice. Everything could fall apart at one wrong word.
“My ‘type’? And why not?”Veronica asked. Her voice was just slightly defensive. Rodney felt his shoulders sag. He wasn’t trying to make her feel negatively or anything of the sort. He had been trying to avoid the topic. It didn’t matter anymore, he had to claw his way out of this situation.
“I-I don’t really know, Veronica. He seems a bit, uh, rock and roll, or something. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable o-or anything” Rodney scrambled to explain.
Veronica seemed to accept that answer. Rodney gazed at her faced and searched for something to add to the conversation. Then something happened. Veronica’s face lit up and she hurried away. Rodney felt his insides go cold. Where was she going? Why was she leaving? Was it him?
It was her boyfriend. Jason Dicksnatch.
She left Rodney to go see him and his fucking lame coat. Rodney clenched his fist. Ok. That’s fine.
Jorts Dean didn’t have much time left in Westerburg anyway, whether Rodney’s deal with Kurt and Ram worked out or not.
Dean construction was always on the move and so was Bud Dean’s kid. Juice Discord wasn’t 18 yet and wouldn’t get a say.
Veronica would need a shoulder to cry on when it happened,someone to comfort her, and god knows Rodney would be the one there. No matter what it took.
Chapter 28: Sugar Cookies (Heather Duke)
Heather forgets what personal space is.
Heather Duke wasn’t sure what her motive was for visiting JD. At his house. With his weird dad home. She didn’t have anything life changing to tell him or need him to do something extraordinarily important. Maybe she just missed him? Heather shrugged the idea off. She literally was sitting next to him all morning for english and during lunch.Why would she miss him? He certainly didn’t miss her. Heather snapped out of her thoughts when she realized that she was still staring at his door. She knocked lightly. When there was no response, she knocked again.
Heather was just about to call JD’s name when his voice came from behind the bedroom door.
“Not now Kiddo, I’m busy!” JD called out. Heather’s face soured in disgust. It was so fucking weird how JD and his dad did that role reversal thing. It gave Heather the major creeps. Why was she just standing in his hall way again?
Heather threw open the door. A very surprised a nearly naked JD was revealed.
“Heather what the fuck?!” The boy croaked and, for some reason unknown to Heather and probably the rest of humanity, stood out of his desk chair to ask this.
Heather gave herself exactly fifteen seconds to check him out. He was shirtless. It was a very nice image. She was nearly finished with her fifteen seconds before she noticed the first life changing thing she’d see on her little field trip to JD’s bedroom.
“Oh my fucking god, what the fuck is on your boxers?!” Heather laughed. JD hurriedly looked down and that’s when Heather saw him blush for the first time. The second life changing sight. And the third came directly after.
His boxers said ‘sex bomb’. In big letters, all over the front, with a graphic of a bomb. Heather thought she was going to die from failed attempt of holding in her delighted laughter.
“Fuck you! Get out of my room!” JD squeaked. Heather did no such thing. That’s when she smelt it. The third life changing thing.
“What’s that smell?” Heather asked. She was kinda astounded. It was a good smell. Like vanilla and cinnamon and -sugar cookies. JD’s bedroom now smelt like sugar cookies as opposed to the typical scent of cigarettes and hamster cage.
Heather sniffed around his room. She knew he was saying something to her but she wasn’t paying attention. It was like a game of ‘hot and cold’.
By his door? Cold.
His bed? Cold. Heather still couldn’t really believe she risked sniffing his bed sheets. Luckily they didn’t smell half bad but it wasn’t the sugar cookie smell.
It’s him, Heather realized. Heather stared at a now silent JD with eyes the size of saucers. She then looked at him, really looked at him. His expression was one of slightly fond exasperation and a trace of embarrassment. The majority of his clothing was missing but damn if Heather didn’t want another chance to note just what the fuck he hid underneath his god fucking awful trench coat- anyways. His hair was slightly damp. Heather came to the conclusion that the sugar cookie smell must be him. But how? It was well known between the Heather’s that JD’s natural scent was kind of an issue. He didn’t smell bad. Just like cigarettes, gasoline, and convenience stores. It wasn’t sexy. Heather Chandler had none to subtlety gave him a bottle of cologne not too long ago and he recently started using it. Thank god JD was well aware of what was ‘too much’ cologne. Heather C hadn’t been satisfied, however, since it only partially covered up the smell of his jacket and himself.Heather prefered not enough cologne over to much so she didn't mind.
Ok wow, Heather just spent way too much time thinking about how her platonic friend buddy amigo smelt.
Heather crept closer to JD till she was standing behind him from where he was now sitting at his desk.
“Heather what the hell are you doing?” JD asked in a dry tone. Heather shushed him. She needed to concentrate. If she was right and the sugar cookie smell really was coming off of JDumpster then she would need to steal his soap immediately for future use.
Heather combed her fingers threw his hair.
“Heather, as your friend, I feel obligated to tell you that this is getting fuckin’ weird” JD commented.
“Shut up, just give me a second.” Heather shot back. He was right. This was weird. But what was he going to do about it anyway. Heather cautiously bent down and sniffed his hair.
“Ok. Well. That...happened, I guess. Can I get dressed now?” JD asked. Heather jumped about a foot in the air and hastily took a giant step backwards.
“Right. Sorry. I’ll,uh, wait in the hall” Heather squeaked before rushing out of the room. She slammed the door of Jason’s room and leaned against it to catch her breath.
She panted,attempted to get her shit together, and started asking herself the important questions.
Why did she do that? Why did she want to do that? Was that too much?
And finally the most important question of all:
Why did JD let her do that?
The door opened and Heather spun around to face a now fully dressed JD,trench coat included.
“C’mon let’s go grab a slushie” JD said breezily, as if the mess that just went down in his bedroom never happened at all. He went down the stairs and Heather hesitated to follow him.
Or maybe it just didn’t bother him.
“Heather?” JD called from the bottom of the stairs.
“Yeah, right, sorry.” Heather apologized. She headed down stairs and followed JD out the door without saying goodbye to Mr.Dean.
Heather made a mental note to ask JD about what kind of soap he used later.
Heather really loved sugar cookies.
Chapter 29: Breathe (Heather Duke)
Heather doesn't get along with her mom and she and Trash Human bond over
so hello i haven't updated in YEARS anyways theres been a lack of content lately and i was like 'well darn the best way to solve that is to contribute!' so i'm going to be posting a lot of garbage and i'm sorry onward
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Heather Duke hated her mom. Her mom was human trash. What was worse is that JD was there to witness it all.
Heather and her mother had started off with comments. About something the other had done the other day that was irritating, than bad habits the other had, then picking aparts each others appearance. Her mom had made a comment about Heather gaining weight and the screaming match had started. And JD got a front row seat. Heather could hardly handle when she and her mom faught without cute boys witnessing it. The cute boy was JD but still.
Heather’s mother slammed the front door behind her. Heather sat silently on the couch. Maybe if she didn’t move or talk or think she could save herself from the humiliation of crying in front of Jason Dink.
But damn him. He couldn’t just leave it alone.
“Hey” JD whispered in a soft voice. Heather didn’t think his voice could be soft. Her lip wobbled and a tear slipped out. Heather wanted to run out of the room and lock herself in her closet but no. Heather was strong. She was stronger than any of those stupid fucks she called friends. She just needed a minute and she could go back to talking shit about Chandler like nothing happened. She refused to let JD see her be weak. Not him.
“Heather, c’mere.” JD offered in that same soft voice that confused Heather to no end. JD wasn't soft. He was everything Heather wished to be. His resolve was stone and he never would break down like this. Isn't fair that Heather was breaking down like this. She couldn’t turn to look at him because then he’d know she was crying.
Heather instead took a shaky deep breath. When nothing changed she took another. It wasn’t working. Why wasn’t she calming down? Why wasn’t she getting better? She was supposed to get better after breathing why wasn’t she? It was gettin harder to take breaths and Heather gulped down air before another tear decided to fuck her over and spill.
Just as Heather was about to break down, she felt arms wrap around her. She was pressed against his chest and she was kinda stunned. JD was hugging her. Heather couldn’t fathom why. JD didn’t like stuff like hugs or physical contact. Why was Heather the exception to the rule?
“It’s going to be ok Heather. It’s fine.” JD reassured her in a quiet raspy voice. Heather unthinkingly nodded her head. JD promised it’d be ok and Heather wanted to believe him. They sat like that for a while and Heather slowly remembered how to breathe. He was warm and smelt like cigarettes and sugar cookies. It was comforting and good and everything Heather needed. Why didn't Heather have JD around all the time? That sounded like a good idea. Fuck hugging Emo Bitch was really nice.
Heather slowly pulled away and was unbelievably relieved there was no pity or remorse on JD’s face. Only a look of understanding.
“Sorry about the water works.” Heather said in a ,you guessed it, watery voice. JD cracked a smile and gave Heather’s ponytail a light tug. It was familiar gesture and made Heather relax. Maybe things wouldn't be weird after that.
“I’ve been there Duke. Nothin’ to worry about” JD offered. Heather sniffed.
“Oh yeah? Do tell.” Heather said in what she hoped to be a teasing tone. But alas, her tone came out sad and kind of pathetic. Just like her.
“You know the story, Heather. The whole thing with me and pop is a mess.You should be proud of yourself Heather.” JD said. His arm was still around her and Heather didn’t want him to pull away. He didn’t elaborate on why he was proud and Heather didn’t need him to.She rested her head on his shoulder and the two sat in silence.
“So what the fuck is a call out post and why was Heather barking at me about them?” JD asked suddenly. Heather laughed in relief at the return of normal conversation.
The two continued to chat for a while and Heather desperately ignored the fluttering in her chest. Heather couldn’t afford to analyze it. There was no room for squishy feelings right now. But that didn’t mean Heather couldn’t dream? The important thing was things weren't weird and Heather couldn't be more content leaning against her friend and talking the rest of the night away. So Heather did just that.
and theres our obligatory one sided jduke y'all are welcome
Chapter 30: Group Chat #4 (Betty,Jackie, JD, Jen, Martha, Rodney, Veronica)
Mac has something to tell the group chat she specifically made so she can flirt with veronicas friends (she doesn't remember how that NASAKID got on there)
two chapters in one night!!!!!!!! whooooooo
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
MacAttack: G U Y S
MacAttack: G! U ! Y!! S!!!!!!!!!
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Jesus Heather what
Im-a-veronica: JD can you please change your name
BettyBerryFinn: why its true
MacAttack: GUYS PAY ATTENTION
UnicornsRreal: what is it heather?
MacAttack: well thank you Martha and Jackie for being the only ones to care
StonerJen: I care
MacAttack: JD? Veronica? Rodney? Any of you care?
NASAKID: Not particularly to be completely frank
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: wait whos that again
Im-a-veronica: do we need to go through the list again?
BettyBerryFinn: jesus ronnie NO
MetalHead: literally everybody but jd knows do not list it
StonerJen: N O
NASAKID: Veronica please don’t do this
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: please do do this babe
Im-a-veronica: ok well im going to do this
MacAttack: I AM MORE IMPORTANT
Im-a-veronica: Heather this is a shared space we need to respect other peoples needs
MacAttack: UHHHHHHHHG SWEETHEART Y
BettyBerryFinn: that but with out callin jd sweetheart
MacAttack: dont be rude to my son
Im-a-veronica: ROLE CALL
Im-a-veronica: MacAttack: Heather Im-a-veronica: Veronica aka me Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch JD (please change that) BettyBerryFinn: Betty
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: I knew those ones
MacAttack: THIS IS TAKING FOREVER
Im-a-veronica: and your whining is prolonging it
MacAttack: ): ): ):
Im-a-veronica:UnicornsRReal: Martha MetalHead: Jackie NASAKID: Rodney and StonerJen: Jen
MacAttack: r u done
Im-a-veronica: are you good babe?
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: never better darling
MetalHead: pls stop
UnicornsRreal: Oh! Go ahead Heather (:
MacAttack: thanks cutie (;
MacAttack: I AM OBSESSED WITH HELPLESS
NASAKID: with what?
UnicornsRreal: LOOK IN TO YA EYES AND THE SKIES THE LIMITS
Im-a-veronica: DOWN FOR THE COUNT
MacAttack: AND IM DROWNIN IN EM
MetalHead: ok so explain
NASAKID: what about hamilton
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: its from hamilton
NASAKID: Hamilton never wrote that
Im-a-veronica: wait do you not know what hamilton is
NASAKID: a founding father
StonerJen: Rodney c’mon
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: thats just pitiful
MacAttack: LETS SAVE THE PITIFUL CHILDREEENNNNNNNNNN
NASAKID has left the chatroom
its literally 1:11 AM rn and i have work tomorrow (^:
Chapter 31: I Am Damaged (Veronica Sawyer)
Something goes down on the football field
so i haven't updated in a while, sorry about that. i dont have steady internet right now. so this is part of a story arc, aka the actual plot of this au and i wanted to see what you guys thought of it. if you don't like it, ill go back to posting unconnected what nots and if you do more story driven one shots
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“I am damaged. Far to damaged.” JD sighed. He was covered with bruises and blood and still cradling that god damned bomb to his chest. He looked up at the still terrified Veronica, who was watching him silently with wide eyes. No, she willed him in her mind, don't do this. Not like this. “But...you’re not beyond repair.”
Veronica’s eyes widened. Her heart beated wildly in her chest.To JD, it looked like she was reacting to what he was saying. What Veronica was actually reacting to was Heather McNamara creeping up silently behind JD. Heather Duke and Heather Chandler were making their way to each side of JD, like they were caging him in. Or preventing him from running. Veronica could only pray they were there to help her keep this asshole alive and not throw his ass in jail. Veronica turned her attention back to her (ex?) boyfriend, who was probably bleeding to death, and was now talking.
“You should stick around here...make things better.” god he sounded so tired. Veronica didn’t want it to be this way. She knew she had to do something but she had no idea if JD could even really hear her anymore. It took everything in her power to not look at the advancing Heather’s. All Veronica could really do is hope they had a better plan to save JD from himself then she did.
“C’mon Veronica. You...you beat me babe. Fair and square. You won.” JD sounded sad and he was smiling softly at her and she wanted to cry and hug him and tell him she never wanted to win anything she just wanted to be seventeen with him-
Heather Duke stepped on something, a stick or a leaf, and Veronica stopped breathing for a second. But JD didn’t notice. Heather Duke continued on her path.
“Please stand back now.” JD asked in that sad and loving voice. As Veronica took a step back, Heather McNamara took one forward.
“Little further.” JD said. One girl stepped back and one stepped forward.
“I- oh god- I hope you miss me. I wish you’d just kiss me or....something. Then you’d know that I worship you, Veronica. I’d trade my life for yours-” JD proclaimed.
“Oh my god-” Veronica gasped, and she prayed for the Heather's to hurry the fuck up with their plan or else he’s going to die-
“Once I disappear, Veronica, listen you have to clean up the mess, ok?”
“Not this way” Veronica croaked. She made frantic eye contact with Heather McNamara. who looked just as scared but loads more determined. Save him, Veronica begged. God, somebody please just save him.
“Our love is God.” JD muttered. Veronica’s stomach dropped.
"Our love is God"
He was going to die.
“Our love is God."
And Veronica was going to have to watch.
"Our love is God……” JD said and tightened his grip on the bomb. Heather McNamara stood directly behind him.
“Say hi to God.” Veronica responded. JD gave her a wide eyed, disbelieving look and that when everything went even further into hell.
Heather McNamara jumped on his back, causing him to drop the bomb, which was then grabbed by Heather Duke and then thrown several yards away by Heather Chandler. If Veronica was anywhere near her right mind she would have been impressed. She could throw way better then Kurt Kelly ever could.
“EVERYONE UNDER THE BLEACHERS!” Heather Chandler screamed. And like that everyone else blinked into action. Heather Mac jumped off of JD’s back and he immediately was propped up by Heather Duke and Veronica. Heather Chandler stood straight as a board as she waited for everyone to be tucked safely away underneath the bleachers. It was the most generous thing Veronica had ever seen her do. Seconds after Heather C was under the bleachers the bomb went off. The ground shook and fire and smoke went everywhere. Veronica looked at everyone else and saw they were covered in ash.
“Um.” Veronica said. All three Heather's heads snapped in her direction. JD was still staring into the smoldering football field in disbelief. “So JD’s probably bleeding to death.”
All Heather’s looked down at Veronica’s hand, which was covered in blood and tightly pressing down on JD’s abdomen.
“I’ll call an ambulance” Heather M whispered. And with that, JD fainted.
“So how did you guys find us?” Veronica said through a mouthful of red vines. The girls, still covered in ash and blood, were sitting on the steps of the school and eating candy that Heather M had stashed away in her bad. In one hand, veronica held a handful of her favorite candy. The other held a lit cigarette. Heather C delicately took the stringy candy and answered “Heather D traced your text from earlier, Heather M called his dad, and I got us to leave the prep rally early when I noticed neither of you were there”
None of them spoke for a moment.
“Shit got pretty heavy.” Heather D broke the silence. Veronica had to agree. An ambulance picked JD up not ten minutes ago. All of the girls had to break down into (probably real) tears and gave the paramedics the fakest sob story of the year about how JD tried to kill himself and they managed to get the gun away from him but he still shot himself in the stomach. Veronica almost threw up when she told the kind parametric that. Little did they know what JD didn’t shoot that gun, at least not today. It was Veronica. It was all Veronica’s fault. Veronica's first though after seeing someone she loved being driven away by an ambulance? To go light a cigarette on the burning field. How fucked up was that?
“So how did you guys end up on the football field any ways?” Heather M asked. Veronica shook herself from her thoughts and gave the Heather's a weak smile. She wondered if she could call them friends now.
Fuck it, Veronica thought.
“Hey, do you guys wanna skip the rest of the day? Get some slushies? Maybe rent a movie or something?” Veronica asked in a drained voice. The Heather blinked at her. Three months ago if someone told her that she’d have a suicidal sociopath but beautiful boyfriend and was friends with the Heather's, she would have screamed and probably have punched them.
“Yeah Veronica. That sounds nice.” Heather C said. She actually sounded….passive. Tired. Drained and Fried. The same as Veronica.
The girls all shared small smiles and walked away from the school.
so im still planning on doing random stuff with this au. preferably i will be alternating between story stuff like this and character stuff like i have been posting
Chapter 32: Drunk (Heather Chandler)
Chandler brings a drunk JD home
I typed this chapter out on my phone with no plot so it's about to be m e s s y
Heather Chandler should have left his wasted ass at Kurts.
"Heather I dontwannahbl" JD mumbled and slurred his was through what was supposed to be a sentence.
Heather gritted her teeth but managed to drag the boy up her stairs and into her bedroom.
Heather managed to close the door and droppe her friend onto her bed.
JD flopped onto the mattress ungracefully as he could and Heather figured he wouldn't be getting up anytime soon. Heather wanted to change clothes.
She wanted to get out of her party dress and makeup and get her robe on and figure out where to put the giant mess on her bed and sleep.
She figured she could probably shove JD on the couch in her room.
She glanced at JD again, who was hanging his head, and grabbed her robe to change in the bathroom.
Heather was quick about changing she really was.
It didn't take more then ten minutes for her to get out of her outfit and make up. But somehow by the time she walks back into her bedroom JD was crying.
He wasn't sobbing or making any noise at all.
That was somehow worse then if he was making stupid noises.
"Hey dickbag? You ok?" Heather hesitantly asked.
JD didn't respond or move a inch.
Heather was stuck. Jesus Fuck as wasnt good in situations like this.
Heather contemplated what to do. She could either fix this or go sleep downstairs.
The wheels in her head started turning.
JD let out a shuddering breath.
No way was Heather going to be kicked out of her own room in the middle of the night.
She hurried over to her bed and sat down next to Jason.
"What's wrong?" Heather asked in a dry tone.
She didn't get an answer.
Heather started getting irrated.
"Look, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can go to bed. What. Is. Wrong?" Heather repeated.
JD sighed again. It wasn't a pleasant sound. It gave Heather Oh-Gee-The-World-Is-Awful-And-I-Want-To-Die vibes.
"My mom. " JD said.
This confused Heather even further.
"Your mom?" Heather echoed.
"Her-her death date. It's uh coming up." JD responded.
Heather didn't say anything.
JD cleared his throat and whiled his tear away.
"Is that why you got so fucking shit faced?" Heather asked.
"That's what my dad does. Figured I'd give it a shot." JD replied.
Heather gave him a look.
"Well that's fucking stupid." Heather said.
JD glared at her.
"How did it turn out for you?" Heather asked. She knew she was coming off as a bitch but bitchiness tended to pull people out of their asses.So she'd keep on being a bitch and if JD had anything to say about it he could leave her fucking house.
"Not. Far. " JD answered.
"Well ok then. Maybe try something else next time?" Heather bitched like the bitch she was.
"Yeah. You're right Heather." JD agreed.
Heather gave him a nod of approval.
God damn she was.
And he better not fucking forget it.
Chapter 33: Chat #5 Rams party (Veronica,Martha,JD,Betty,Heather C, Heather D, Heather M)
Kinda a prelude to Big Fun
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chat Room created by Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch
Chat Room named Ram's Party
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: @im-a-Veronica @UnicornsRreal @BettyBerryFinn you are all hear by invited to Rams party this coming Saturday. That's all
I'm-a-Veronica: oh jeez JD wtf
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: I'm not following
UnicornsRreal: *whispers* it's your user name
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: i see
BettyBerryFinn: why'd you tell him Martha
UnicornsRreal: he probably didn't notice
I'm-a-Veronica: ???? Wtf???
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: There is a story behind this
BettyBerryFinn: listening goth boy
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Not goth
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Give me a minute
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch added MacAttack
MacAttack: well hello sweetheart
MacAttack: what is this
MacAttack: who are them
BettyBerryFinn: I'm sorry how is this explaining your weird user name
I'm-a-Veronica: it's not that weird
BettyBerryFinn: really Ronnie? Really?
MacAttack: ok first off @BettyBerryFinn fuck off he's my son and he tries his best and second Hi Veronica!!!!
MacAttack: what am I explaining??
UnicornsRreal: JDs username
MacAttack: and u r???
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: HEATHER FUCK OFF YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING
BettyBerryFinn: she's a Heather???
I'm-a-Veronica: oh right
I'm-a-Veronica: I should have guessed from your user name. Hi Heather
MacAttack: wait am I explaining the story or sending screen shots???
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: EXPLAINING THE STORY DO NOT SEND SCREEN SHOTS WHAT THE FUCK
BettyBerryFinn: send screen shots (:
I'm-a-Veronica: Betty fuck off
I'm-a-Veronica: JD it's fine. It was probably a joke or something let's let it go
MacAttack: OH SWEETIE IF ONLY
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: H E A T H E R
MacAttack: Heather and Heather are wondering why we are logged in but not in the group chat. Can I add them???
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: N O
UnicornsRreal: I don't want anyone to feel left out
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: HEATHER DONT YOU FUCKING DARE
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: H E A T H E R
I'm-a-Veronica: can we all stop stressing my boyfriend out please???
I'm-a-Veronica: yeah. So that's a thing.
MacAttack: JASON DEAN UR ASS IS GRASS YOU HAVENT TOLD ANYONE ELSE WH AT
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: there's no rule saying I have to tell everyone everything Heather fuck off
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Heather ?
MacAttack has added Green-N-mean and RedBitch
MacAttack: G U YS
BettyBerryFinn: ok time to sign off
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Are you going to the party??
BettyBerrtFinn has signed off
RedBitch: what a cunt anyways what Heather
I'm-a-Veronica: can you maybe not talk to my friends like that
RedBitch: can you maybe step fucking off and mind your own business pion?
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: THE FCK DID YOU SAY BITCH
RedBitch: wat ??
RedBitch: oh Veronica
RedBitch: are you going to Rams party?
Green-N-Mean: omg Martha DUMPTRUCK is on this group chat??
UnicornsRreal has signed off
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Nice fucking going Heather
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Babe do you want to just text instead
I'm-a-veronica:.... Yeah. I think that's a good idea. You can tell me the user name story there
I'm-a-Veronica: (; <3
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch and I'm-a-Veronica has signed off
Green-N-Mean: did I say something
RedBitch: did you actually puke
MacAttack: S I G H
I typed this on my phone I'm sorry
Chapter 34: Career Day (Mrs.Flemming)
It's career day for Mrs.Flemming and this group of students in particular is giving her trouble.
Pauline Flemming loved career day. It was one of the few sanctioned school days where she really got to connect with students and actually use her very expensive degree.
This group however was making her reconsider her stance.
Pauline should have known those entitled little bitches would find a way to be in the same group.
See, it was tradition for Pauline to talk with groups of students about their futures on career day.
Pauline didn't really see the need to discus the future with Ms.Chandler, Ms.Duke and Ms.McNamara. It was pretty clear to Pauline: Trophy Wife, Stripper and Drunk Rich Party Girl living off of her daddies money.
Pauline knew this.
However she knew that if she didn't give them anything less then glowing reviews and tell them all about their 'bright futures' they'll complain to mommy and daddy and Pauline is fucked.
Perhaps the other students will be more promising.
Katie Candance, a member of student council, was there, as well as Joseph Grey from debate.
Who really interested Pauline was a Mr. Jason Dean.
If she was to judge him based on his appearance she would have written him off as a suicidal junkie and left it at that.If she judged his character based off of his friend group.If he was anything like the trio of girls he associated with he was another entitled whiny rich boy who was do for another round of STDs and alchohal poisoning.
But his grades.
His grades are what gave Pauline a pause.
He was a straight A student. In every class Pauline has observed him in he has been a attentive, well informed, and curteous member of the classroom. His attendance isn't perfect but it's quite close and Paukine is willing to give him a pass since he has just moved to Sherwood. His assignments are always on time and well done.
Over all, Pauline believed he might actually have a future.
"Ok, Let's start out with your aptitude test you were supposed to fill out during class. You've all gotten your results. Let's talk about our feelings on them and how to match or don't match up with our goals. " Pauline started with cheer she don't really feel.
Heather C rolled her eyes and Pauline remembered just how much she really hated seniors.
"Ok, Mr. Dean, would you like to start us off?" Pauline chirped.
The boy seemed to jump a bit at hearing his name.
"Um" was the only thing he managed to get out before the trio of high school has verbs waiting to happen interrupted.
"Mrs.Flemming? I'd actually like to go first" Heather M announced.
Before Pauline could stop her, the girl went off on a tangent.
"Well you see, I've recently decided that I wanted to into education and then I was like? Ok so what do I want to go into? Like English or something? And then my aptitude test was like 'oh yeah your really good at helping people' so I was like 'omg I should be a guidance counselor!' And then I figured you'd be the perfect person to talk to-" Heather rambled. Pauline has to stop the train wreck before it took up all her time with the students.
"Yes! Ok. Thank you Heather. Pick up a pamphlet at the 'education' booth. Ok let's move on-" Pauline tried only to e once again be interrupted by a Heather.
"Mrs.Flemming, I don't see why I have to participate in this. We all know I'm bound to be a fucking beatiful and fucking talented as fuck news anchor lady or talk show host so I don't see why-"
"Well Heather!" Pauline forced out with an equally forced smile "That's just fantastic, if you're sure we don't need to have this discussion then-"
"I wanna be a professional tennis player" Heather D piped up.
Pauline's eye may have twitched when she heard her voice.
"Heather. You don't play tennis" Pauline reminded the plastic girl in a strained voice.
Heather D shrugged. "That's what I want to do. How can I achieve my goals, Mrs.Flemming?" Heather D said in a mocking tone. The other two on the slut committee laughed and hooted like the idiots they are.
"I want to go into entrepreneurship" Joseph spoke up timidly.
Oh thank god for Joseph.
Pauline had been that close to losing her shit.
"What, you planning on investing in a new kind of sex repellent? You could be the poster boy!" Heather M cackled.
Pretty soon all three girls started in on the poor boy.
Pauline had had it.
"JASON DEAN. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS" Pauline bellowed over the ear piercing sound of the vicious high schoolgirls speaks of laughter.
Once again the boy jumped at being noticed. "...professional cat lover. " was his hesitant answer.
Pauline had lost her shit.
"Young man" she growled "you either take this seriously or I'm suspending you for the rest of the god damned month, do we understand each other?"
"What!" Heather D squawked and was soon followed by Heather Ms declaration of "you can't do that!"
"Can. Will" Pauline shot back
Jason Dean looked her up and down and Pauline met his eyes.
Something she learned about high schoolers in her long career: they're like animals and can smell fear. Show none and they have nothing to use against you.
"...I don't know. I kinda want to help kids. Kinda want to go into demolition. " Jason Dean replied with a shrug.
Before Pauline could respond the timer went off and it was time for the next group to come have a chat with her.
"But I didn't get a chance to go over anything" Katie Candance gasped.
"Who cares? Get a move on!" Pauline barked and the group broke apart to go find their respective friends.
Except for the Heathers.
Never the Heathers.
Chapter 35: Birthday (JD)
JD didnt ask for this
This is a birthday gift for my friend and will probably also be posted as a separate one shot lol whoops happy birthday Mattie
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
That is what JD has awoken. That being screamedd into his ear.
"What...?" He mumbled.
What appeared to be a satanic mixture or confetti and glitter was thrown into his face.
"Wake up bitch!"
"Can you not? It's his birthday."
"Shut up Heather"
JD groaned and groggily opened his eyes. He saw an angel leaning over him. "Heeey sleepy. You made it 18 dude!" Veronica said with a grin.
He smiled back at her.
He was about to hug her or kiss her or pull her into bed and go back to sleep for a while until is sleepy train of thoughts was interrupted by another train. A train of Heather McNamara enthusiasm.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART WE HAVE CAKE!!" Heather M screamed and tackled him.
He would have been impressed by her maneuvering if hadn't gotten the wind knocked out of him.
"Thanks Heather." JD stated and gave her an awkward one sided hug.
"um, sorry if this is weird or something it's just we thought we'd do something nice for your birthday and we brought cake-" Heathe D rambled.
Honestly JD was really touched by them showing up and surprising him. It had been a while since he really celebrated his birthday and he actually kind of missed it. "Heather C'mere" JD said. Heather D gave him a hesitant look before inching forward and sitting down on the other side of him. He threw his arm around her and hugged Heather and Heather.
"Thank you guys. It's really sweet of you. " JD said.
Heather M giggled and then bounced up, pulling Heather D up with her.
"Ok get out of bed! We have stuff planned for today and if we don't do it all I will cut a bitch!" Heather M chirped.
Veronica offered her hand and helped pull him out of bed.
He grinned down at her.
"Breakfast cake?" He asked.
"Breakfast Birthday Cake" she corrected. He kissed her nose and was content to bask in the greatness of this moment.
"Can we get the fuck out of this room?!" Heather C snapped, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of someone enjoying themselves.
An idea popped into JDs head and he smirked.
"Wait Heather, you haven't given me a birthday hug yet." JD snickered. Oh yeah. This was going to be good.
Heather M giggled and Heather C glared.
"No fucking way."
"Heeeeather,it's my birthday!"
"Get the FUCK away from me"
"C'mere Heather!" JD sang before using his superior hight to reach Heather before she could get to the door. He scooped his blonde friend up in a bear hug, her screeching and scratching the whole way. JD learned that Heather was indeed not above hair pulling.
The three other girls howled with laughter at Heathers exaggerated misery.
They all made their way downstairs and enjoyed cake.
JD had gotten gifts which was thoughtful and surprising.
He probably would have been more greatful if his girlfriend wasn't the only person to get him something that was a complete joke.
Heather D had gotten him a box of condoms, like an asshole, Heather M had gotten him a tee shirt that said " sex bomb", like an asshole, and Heather C had gotten him a pregnancy test. Like a bitch.
Needless to say none of them were invited to bring home extra cake.
Veronica gave him a surprise road trip set for this weekend. He was excited both to spend time alone with her and to get away from all his asshole and bitchy friends.
His dad showed up late that night, gave him a case of beer, ruffled his hair and went to bed.
All in all it was a pretty good day.
"Did you have a good birthday?" A half asleep Veronica asked.
The movie they had been half watching flickered in the near dark.
JD really didn't even need to think about it.
"Yeah" JD answered "best in a long time."
And with that Veronica passed out and JD followed her example.
I might add more to this later but until then
Chapter 36: Sick (Heather Duke)
Heather d is not feeling the responsibility
So shout out to the wonderful Alias for giving me this idea
"Heather get out of the closet, he's not going to get you sick." Heather Duke commanded.
"No!" Heather M's voice childishly called back.
JD sneezed from inside his cacoon of blankets.
"Heather you fucked no less then three of Veroinca's friends, it's a little late to go back into the closet!" Heather C drawled from her seat on JDs desk. She was painting her nails bright red like the extra bitch she was and leaving all the work of nursing JD back to health to Heather.
Heather sighed and returned to her task of pouring JD soup from her thermos.
Heather arranged a tray of soup, cough syrup, water, apple sauce and tea.
She stepped around the clutter on JDs floor and made her way to his bed.
She gently set the tray on his night stand.
"Thanks" JD croaked.
Heather cringed. He really did sound awful. Heathers glad she skipped school to come here. Though it was never her intention to be the only one taking care of him.
"Ok so listen carefully: eat soup first" Heather instructed carefully.
"Uh huh" JD answers.
"Then drink your water"
"Then take your cough syrup"
"Then applesauce, then tea" Heather finished.
JD nodded, proped himself up and started eating.
"What about tea?" Heather M hollared from the closet.
Heather C snorted and Heather sighed.
School was over and Heather knew they'd be calling her mom. She couldn't make herself really care. Her mom could bitch all she wanted. Whether Heather liked it or not she cared about JD and she would do her best to be his friend.
Even if that meant dealing with Veroinca Sawyer.
JD instantly light up.
"Hey babe." He rasped. Veronica smiled and skipped into the room.
It's not that Heather didn't like Veronica. Really.
And she knew she really didn't have any reason to feel threatened by Veronica.
It's just that Heather could never figure out what her angle was.
Heather could find no motive on Veronica and it rubbed her the wrong way.
"So can we leave now?" Heather C drawled in a bored tone.
Heather snapped out of her thoughts and focused in on the conversation.
"I guess if you want. I can take it from here." Veronica answered.
"Take what from here." Heather snapped. She did not like where this was going.
Veronica shrugged and gestured to the area JD was residing in. He laughed at the gesture and Heather felt a stinging burn where her heart usually was.
"That's not necessary." Heather quickly assured the other girl. Veronica blinked at her owlishly, JD gave her a questioning look and Heather C looked at her with mild interest now that there might be drama.
"It's ok Heather. I got it covered. I promise he won't die on my watch" Veronica joked. JD laughed again.
"WHAT?" Heather M called from the closet.
Heather wasn't ready to accept defeat yet. JD was her friend and he needed her. She wasn't just going to leave him with a shady nobody that Heather couldn't figure out why she didn't like.
"No!" Heather declared.
JD raised an eyebrow and Heather flushed.
"No? Heather I don't understand" Veronica asked.
Heathers blush deepens as she scrambled for a response.
"I skipped school for this" was the best she could come up with. It seemed to do the trick cause Veronica softened.
"Heather, don't worry about it, really. I think it's really great you were here and all, but you really don't need to stay,especially if you need to get caught up.I could text you the homework if you want?" Veronica offered.
The worst part about how that majorly backfired on Heather is that Veronica seemed 100% sincere. She really thought Heather was worried about school and everything would be resolved if she just texted Heather the homework.
After struggling for a moment Heather resigned herself to defeat. For now.
"Ok. Thanks." Heather answers shortly.
Veronica beamed and made herself comfy next to JD.
Heather tore her gaze away from the happily cuddling couple.
"Heather, c'mon we're leaving" Heather C called.
Heather M bolted out of the closet and flew down JDs steps in a record time.
Heather C didn't say anything, just hugged and followed the yellow clad girl. After a moments hesitation Heather followed them.
"Why did you come with if you were just going to hide like a bitch?" Heather C asked in an annoyed tone.
"I didn't know he was sick!" Heather M exclaimed.
"Uh huh" said a unbelieving Heather C.
"Really! I can't get sick, I'm a cheerleader! They need me healthy!" Heather M insisted.
"Whatever you say, bitch" Heather C replied.
The two walked out of the house and Heather followed.
She didn't want to get sick after all.
Chapter 37: Heather & Hamilton (Heather M, Heather C, Heather D, JD)
Heather M is making everyone listen to hamilton and it doesn't go as she expects
so I'm trying to get back in the habit of writing for this fic, but right now all i can come up with is another texting chapter, so please bear (is that the correct usage of bear or is there supposed to be a different spelling i can't tell i'm tired) with me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
RedBitch logged on
MacAttack logged on
3:03 MacAttack: DID YOU LISTEN TO IT????
3:07 RedBitch: kinda
3:07 MacAttack:WHAT DOES THAT MEAN DID YOU LIKE IT WHATS YOUR FAVORITE SONG
3:07 RedBitch: i dont fucking know. i guess i kind of liked the one where they're slut shaming slut fucker
3:08 MacAttack: UR GUNNA HAVE TO ELABORATE HEATHER
3:08 RedBitch: fuck fine let me look it up
3:10 ReBitch: 'the reynolds pamphlet'?????
3:10 MacAttack: srlsy thats ur favorite
3:11 RedBitch: fuck you bitch i dont understand anything thats happening in any of the fucking songs u sent me and its stupid
3:11 RedBitch: why the fuck are you blathering on about it at fucking 3 AM you dumb whore
Green-N-Mean logged on
3:12 Green-N-Mean: why the fuck are my notifications blowing up right now????
3:13 RedBitch: ask fucking dumb fuck
3:13 Green-N-Mean: JD isn't here
3:14: MacAttack: HEATHER HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THE PLAYLIST I SENT YOU YET??????
3:15: Green-N-Mean: yes??
3:15 MacAttack: WHATS YOUR FAVORITE SONG AND WHY TELL ME EVERYTHING
3:16 Green-N-Mean: I liked "the room where it happened" and "your obedient servant"
3:16 MacAttack: u would
3:17 Green-N-Mean: whats that supposed to mean?? im too tired for this??
3:17 RedBitch: dont
3:17 MacAttack: WELL FOR STARTERS
3:17 RedBitch: god dmnit
Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch has logged on
3:18 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: why is this happening
3:18 MacAttack: SON DID YOU LISTEN TO THE PLAYLIST I MADE WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SONG WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DO YOU HAVE ANY SHIPS
3:18 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: don't call me son (I did)
3:19 RedBitch: do not answer any of that Dean
3:19 RedBitch: fuck
3:19 Green-N-Mean: im going back to bed, Heather, you have cheerleading practice tomorrow can this seriously not wait
3:19 MacAttack: SLEEP IF FOR THE FUCKING WEAK BITCH
Green-N-Mean has logged off
3:20 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: I really liked non-stop I guess and the cabinet battles were pretty good, my favorite was probably Eliza?, I guess Eliza and Hamilton
3:20 MacAttack : W H A T
3:20 MacAttack: U SHIP W H O AND W H O
3:21 RedBitch: wat the fuk does ship mean
3:21 MacAttack: U CAME INTO MY HOUSE YOU DUMB BITCH
3:21 MacAttack: I AM UR MOTHR AND I DEMAND RESPECT FOR ME AND MY OTHER SONS OK
3:21 MacAttack: U DARE
3:22 : Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: ???????
3:22 MacAttack: I DIDNT RAISE U TO BE A IGNORANT SLUT
3:22 MacAttack: THATS HEATHERS JOB
3:22 RedBitch: e x c u s e me
3:23 MacAttack: THATS HEATHER DUKES JOB
3:23: bitch it better
3:23 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: i am so confused
3:24 MacAttack: LISTEN U DEFORMED OSTRICH BABY
3:24 MacAttack: WHILE I LOVE ELIZABETH SCHUYLER WITH EVERY BIT OF MY SOUL
3:24 MacAttack: HAMILTONS ASS BELONGS TO LAURENS OK????????
3:25 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: I respectfully disagree
3:25 MacAttack: B I T C H
3:25 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: Can we maybe talk about this later when its not three am?
3:26 MacAttack: SHUT THE FUCK UP
3:26 MacAttack: U'VE HAVE UR CHANCE TO TALK
3:26 MacAttack: THIS IS MY TIME NOW U BITCH
3:26 MacAttack: AND IM USING IT TO CONSIDER DISOWNING U AND UR UNGRATEFUL ASS
3:27: RedBitch: fuck this im going to bed night fucks
RedBitch Logged off
3:28 MacAttack: WHERE DID YOU LEARN THIS DISGRACEFUL NOTION?????
3:29 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: ,,,,,,Veronica I guess? I listened to most of the playlist with her? She likes Eliza and Hamilton alot? and I'm not really in the fandom or anything? so?
3:30 MacAttack: oh well that makes total sense nm :3
3:30 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: what
3:31 MacAttack: ignore everything i said before, HamLiza is a valid ship and everyone gets to have their opinion :3 :3
3:31 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: you called me a deformed ostrich baby
3:32 MacAttack: haha yeah sorry sweet heart i get kind of intense about hamilton <3
3:34 MacAttack: You're my ride to school tomorrow btw and we're listening to helpless 50 times. I also have gas money for the last time you gave me a ride sorry it took so long to give it to you!! <3 anyways, i sould go back to sleep, i'll see you in the morning!! :3 :3 :3 <3 <3 <3
MacAttack logged off
3:36 Veronica-Sawyers-Bitch: im so confused
so this wasn't very in character or good but i really wanted to post something so. sorry about the quality guys
Chapter 38: Lifeboat (Veronica Sawyer)
Veronica attends the worst school assembly ever.
so this has happened, sorry about the lack of updates but school. I can say with a good amount of confidence you guys can expect a chapter every week or so however, so bare with me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Veronica wasn't sure she ever really grasped how much of a shit show Mrs.Fleming was until she ended her affair with the principal in the middle of a school assembly about mental health.
No, really, while Veronica had always known that her guidance counselor shouldn't be giving guidance to a petrified pile of shit, Veronica never felt fully aware of the extent of Mrs.Fleming's cluelessness. Not only had Mrs.Fleming made a complete ass out of herself, oh no, she did it in front of five different cameras and three separate filming crews.
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Veronica awkwardly readjusted herself in her seat while everyone clapped.
This was the first time she had nobody to sit with during an assembly.
Veronica's heart ached when her mind automatically went to Martha. God, how Martha and Betty must hate her.Veronica tried her hardest not to think about what they had said to her last.
She scanned the crowd and her eyes automatically found JD, who was staring right back at her. Speaking of things Veronica was trying not to think about.She quickly looked at her lap. There was no way in hell Veronica was ready to address that issue. Not after the way they're last conversation ended. Veronica shivered. She was only hurting herself by dwelling on their huge fight and it's ominous ending.
"Do we have any other volunteers? Don't be afraid! Shine a light on your fears and feelings!" Mrs.Fleming yelled into her microphone.
Veronica winced at the noise.
"I've thought about killing myself." a familiar sounding voice answered.
Veronica whipped her head around to see Heather M hesitantly raising a hand.
Mrs.Fleming wav her forward with enthusiasm. Heather M took a few shaky steps forward.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Heather C snarled and snatched Heather M's arm. Mrs.Fleming was quick to intervene.
"Now Miss Chandler, this is a safe space, for all of you. I promise nothing bad will happen. You go right ahead, Heather." Mrs.Fleming encouraged with a wide smile.
Heather M stood, her stance defensive, looking uncomfortable and a little scared.
Somehow Veronica knew this was all going to shit in a matter of minutes.
"I float in a boat. We're in this raging black ocean. We're low in the water and there's no where to go. I'm in the tiniest lifeboat and it's filled with people I know." Heather M shakily starts.
Veronica leaned forward, mesmerized and fighting the swirling pit of anxiety in her stomach.
"Its cold,clammy and crowded. The people smell desperate. We'll sink any minute, so someone must go." Heather M continued.
Veronica covered her mouth. Her stomach dropped. She shot a desperate look at Heather C and D but saw no forgiveness, no understanding on there faces. Just outrage and apathy.
"Everyone's pushing! Everyones fighting! There are storms approaching and there's no where to hide! If I say the wrong thing or wear the wrong out fit they'll push me right over the side. Waves are crashing and the life boat is filling. I'm hugging my knees and the captain is pointing. Well who made her captain?! Still, someone must go. " Heather M suddenly stopped. She took a step back and looked around with teary eyes and a red face.
Veronica was frozen.
And then Heather C and Heather D walked over. Other kids stood and started crowding around.
Veronica's blood turned to ice.
Oh god no.
Like a zombie, she incoherently made her way over. Veronica knew she wasn't going to be fast enough, but she had to try.
That's when Heather D started in.
"What, you don't think Westerburg is a nice place?! It's not good enough for you Heather?!" Heather D demanded.
"Heather-" Mrs.Fleming attempted to step in but she wasn't strong enough. In Veronica's opinion, she didn't' try hard enough.
Veronica tripped over someone but kept making her way down the bleachers.
Veronica looked over to JD, who was also out of his seat. They exchanged a look. It didn't comfort Veronica any.
"Where's your school spirit Heather?! You don't deserve to wear our colors!" Heather D continued her attack, getting into Heather M's face. Heather M coward a bit but didn't sep away.
Mrs.Fleming pushed the girls away from each other and grabbed one of Heather D's shoulders.
"Lets not be mean to-" Mrs.Fleming said loudly, only to be once again cut off by a raging Heather D.
"Why don't you hop of your little life boat and hop a gnarly wave over to Washington!" Heather D shouted over Mrs.Fleming.
The crowd which been slowly closing in all oohed and laughed at the comment.
Heather C, who had been looking coldly disinterested, threw her two cents in.
"Oh look. Heather's going to cry. Poor. Little. Heather." she sneered.
The crowd's laughter got louder and people started throwing in sarcastic 'aws' into the mix.
This seemed to put Heather M over the edge as she burst through the crowd and ran out of the large room.
Veronica made it down to the bottom of the bleachers.
Mrs.Fleming grabbed Heather D.
"Young lady you are suspended!" she declared in a irritated voice.
Veronica looked over to JD. His face was impossible for her to read. Veronica gave him an anxiety filled 'do something!' look. Before she could see whether he received her message, Mrs.Fleming was once again on the move. She shrewdly looked about the room and walked towards a film crew.
"Turn the camera's off. Turn them off god damnit!" Mrs.Fleming barked.
That was when Veronica remembered to feel angry. She could feel the white hot rage intermingling with the knotted anxiety in her gut.
Veronica marched over to her teacher.
"God,is that all you care about!? T.V cameras?!" Veronica demanded. Her brows furrowed and her jaw set. The fucking camera's. The first thing this bitch worried about was the cameras. Just when Veronica thought her opinion of Mrs.Fleming couldn't get lower.
Mrs.Fleming had the audacity to look surprised.
"I care about saving lives! Heather Duke ruined a valuable-" Mrs.Fleming emphasized.
"Valuable!?" Veronica raged. "NONE of us want this spectacle! To be experimented on like guinea pigs and patronized like bunny rabbits!"
Mrs.Fleming drew herself up gave Veronica an offended look.
"I do NOT patronize bunny rabbits!" Mrs.Fleming declared.
Veronica wanted to laugh, or burst into tears, or punch someone in their goddamned face.
"This is their big secret Veronica." Heather C whispered behind her. Veronica didn't move. If she tried to look at Heather she'd probably puke all over her fucking shoes.
"The adults are powerless." Heather C quietly stated.
Veronica ignored her.
"Heather trusted you. You said you'd protect her." Veronica seethed, glaring at the poor excuse for a guidance counselor.
"They can't help us. No one can help us. We're all alone in the ocean" Heather C said, keeping her voice down just enough for her words to only reach Veronica's ears.
Veronica whirled around to face the still standing crowd. They were all staring at her. Some wide eyed, some cold, some in confusion. Veronica locked eyes with Heather C.
Heather C tilted her head slightly and Veronica sneered at her.
"And all of you are idiots!" Veronica spat.
JD stepped forward.
"Maybe you should sit down now." He said softly, touching her arm. Veronica roughly shoved him off. Fuck him. Fuck him for trying to control her, fuck him for letting Heather M down, and fuck him for once again trying to make her sound like the unhinged one.
"Heather Chandler is a monster, you all are! We're here for suicides that aren't even fucking suicides! Nobody killed themselves I killed them!" Veronica rushed out in a fire of fury and helplessness.
Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth.
JD visibly paled and both Heather's stiffened.
There was Dead. Quiet.
Veronica tried to process what just happened but couldn't.
She wanted to feel bad for what she just announced to her entire fucking school but couldn't.
She wanted to take back this entire day and choose to stay in bed instead but couldn't.
"...So what do you all think of that?" Veronica asked lamely.
Everyone burst into laughter.
Heather Duke laughed the loudest.
"Some people will say anything if they think it'll make them popular!" Heather Chandler announced.
Veronica made eye contact with her again.
Behind her cruel and amused mask her eyes were furious.
Veronica bolted out of the room.
"Veronica!" she heard JD shout, along with his heavy footsteps, but that only served to make her run faster.
She burst into the girls bathroom to see Heather M shove a bottle full of pills into her mouth.
"NO!" Veronica shrieked.
She dove towards Heather M and whacked her back with all of her might.
A arc of pills came spewing out of Heather M's mouth.
"NO NO NO STOP STOP" Veronica yelled as she fell/slided to the floor, dragging Heather M with her.
"Suicide is a private thing!" Heather M rushed out in a shocked and startled tone.
Veronica gave her a disbelieving look. She pointedly ignored to drooly pills Heather spat out.
"Throwing your life away to become a statistic in U.S.A today? That's like the least private thing I can think of!" Veronica responded.
"But what about-" Heather started.
"If everyone jumped off a bridge,young lady, would you?" Veronica interrupted, placing a steadying hand on Heather's shoulder.
"Probably." Heather moaned.
Oh god she probably would too, Veronica thought.
Veronica grabbed her hand.
"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be human. You'd be a game show host." Veronica replied.
Heather spat a few more pills out.
"Thanks for coming after me." Heather said shyly.
"Oh, you're welcome." Veronica replied.
Heather threw herself onto Veronica for a hug. Veronica awkwardly threw a arm around her.
Heather pulled back and wiped her eye.
"Everyone hates me. I know they should. I'm awful. Whenever I feel bad I just make them feel bad and then I feel better and then I feel even worse then before so I just start all over again-" Heather blubbered and Veronica quickly shushed her.
"Heather, you can change that. If you know what the problem is the only thing stopping you is you." Veronica gently reminded her.
"Its different for you Veronica. You're a junior. You've got all of next year. I'm graduating. Even if I'm nice now they're all going to remember me as that one bitch" Heather said, her voice cracking at the word bitch.
Veronica squeezed her shoulder.
"Believe it or not Heather, high school isn't forever. You have a whole life ahead of you. There are so many people you haven't met yet. You can change and grow and become proud of who you are and one day nobody will know you as anything different. And you're not a bitch. Not really. If you were, you'd never have befriended a freak like JD." Veronica said with a grin.
Heather sniffled and leveled Veronica with a mock serious look.
"Don't be mean to my son." Heather proclaimed.
Both girls dissolved into giggles.
"C'mon, let's skip the rest of the day and buy shoes, or something dumb." Veronica said.
Heather gave hr a watery smile and a nodd.
They walked out of the girls bathroom.
And who stood waiting across the hall but JD.
He and Heather locked eyes.
After a mini staring contest he opened his arms in what appeared to be a hug.
Heather hurriedly tackled him into an embrace.
The two stood there of a moment. Veronica felt vaguely awkward and wasn't quite sure why.
JD looked over Heather at her with pleading eyes.
God fucking damnit.
She tried. She tried really hard to stay mad at him.
But she couldn't do it,ok? He has been pushing the envelope sure but has yet to really scare Veronica off.
Veronica gave him a shy smile and looked down. When she looked back up he was smiling back and Heather was untangling herself from their hug.
"Are we ditching or what?" Heather asked.
Veronica nodded and made her way down the hall.
She didn't protest when JD put his arm around her.
so let me know what you guys thought. I had this idea for a few days and was able to write it all in one sitting. also I think I'm going to eventually get these all sorted into a timeline, lt me know what you think about that.
Chapter 39: Sex Talk (Heather McNamara)
"I don't think it's a real thing, I'm sorry." Heather C said with an unapologetic shrug.
Odd, Heather Mcnamara thought, considering she just apologized.
JD scowled at her.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You just said you are aromantic." JD pointed out.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Heather C snapped.
JD's frown deepened.
"Aromantic is a kind of asexuality. Just like demisexual, Heather."
"No it's not!" Heather C growled.
"Yes, it fucking is Heather!" JD exclaimed.
Heather felt very out of place and awkward. She was excited to talk about sexuality. As a lesbian and active member of the LGTBTQA+ the subject of sexuality was very important to her. Something she was familiar with and wanted to open up to her friends about and have them open up too.
But now she just felt out of her depth.
She had barely even heard of demisexuality before JD breezily mentioned he considers himself such like five minutes ago. And of course Heather C had to start drama.
"Both sexualities are valid" Heather meekly said.
Both JD and Heather C glared at her in response.
Heather quickly turned her attention to Heather D.
"Heather, do you have anything to add?" Heather asked.
Heather D raised an eyebrow.
Heather secretly hoped she would come out as trans or gay or something to relieve tension in the room.
Heather almost snorted at that.
Oh yeah, because coming out has always relieved tension in a room.
"While I currently consider myself straight, I would be willing to fall in love with a women. I've also been playing around with gender identity, but haven't had any sudden realizations." Heather D causally stated.
Heather was shook.
Not only was she unaware of her sons less then typical view on sex, she didn't see that one of her best friend was exploring her gender identity?
Suddenly Heather didn't feel very good.
"Oh." Heather said faintly.
"Oh? That's all you have to say? Jesus fuck Heather, way to drop a fucking bomb!" Heather C spat.
"Chill, Heather, you act like she just killed your puppy. Duke can feel however Duke wants to feel, bitch!" JD quickly defended his friend.
"I didn't say she couldn't you fucking skank!" Heather C yelled.
"WHY ARE WE UPSET!" Heather screeched.
This whole thing was stressing her out. This was to be an open and nonjudgmental conversation. But instead of that, Heather got a judgemental and way closed off conversation.
"I'm not upset! Are you upset, JDicklord?" Heather C seethed.
"Yeah actually, I kind of am!" JD replied.
That made Heather C pause and Heather D go back to playing games on her phone.
"Why?" Heather C demanded.
Now that he was less upset, JD looked a bit embarrassed. It was a weird look for him and Heather wanted it to stop now.
"You just told me my sexuality wasn't 'a real thing'. Not exactly validating, Heather." JD answered.
Heather C flushed red.
Oh god was she embarrassed? Heather hoped not. How would she even deal with that?
"I didn't meant it like that! I only meant..." Heather C signed and kinda looked away.
Ok. She definitely looked uncomfortable. It was a really weird look on her and Heather wanted it to stop immediately, even more so then she wanted JD to stop looking embarrassed.
"I just meant it's...difficult, for me to process someone's ability to feel that way. I'm aro so, you know it's the opposite. All I want is sex, all you want is feelings and shit." Heather grumbled.
Now JD looked confused.
It was better then embarrassed, Heather thought.
"That's not what it is though Heather. I like sex fine. I happen to enjoy a very active sex life thank you," JD started.
"Ok sweetheart we didn't need to hear-" Heather said quickly, but JD cut her off.
"I just don't feel attraction unless I'm emotionally attached first." JD finished.
Heather C looked as though she was contemplating that.
"It still doesn't make a lot of fucking sense to me, but I think I get what you're saying. Now can we please roasr Heather for being bicurious?" Heather C suggested.
"Hey wait a fucking second-" Heather D growled, and Heather knew she'd have to act fast before another fight started.
"Guys" Heather announced. The group looked at her in surprise.
"I'm gay." Heather finished primly.
The group groaned and Heather patted her lesbianism on the back for one again saving the day.
Chapter 40: Groupchat #6 Nightmares ( Heather M and Veronica S)
Veronica has a nightmare
40th chapter!!!! yay!! I want to do something special but can't think of what so here's some sadness.
as always, reviews are amazing I love hearing ideas from you guys, this chapter sort of is inspired by seventeen reprise but isn't quite the seventeen reprise chapter. I think i'm going to be writing a lot of angst today so be prepared for more updates
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Im-a-Veronica wants to chat
MacAttack has approved chat
1:02 Im-a-Veronica: : hey heather
1:05 MacAttack: hi ronnie!! what are you doing up so late????
1:07 Im-a-Veronica: i had a nightmare and um
1:07 Im-a-Veronica: i kinda thought you'd be a good person to talk to about it
1:09 MacAttack: of course!!! you can totally talk to me!!!1!
1:10 Im-a-Veronica: so
1:10 Im-a-Veronica: um
1:11 Im-a-Veronica: it was about JD
1:12 MacAttack: oh
1:13 Im-a-Veronica: yeah
1:16 MacAttack: you wanna tell me what happened??
1:17 Im-a-Veronica: he
1:18 Im-a-Veronica: uh
1:19 Im-a-Veronica: kinda killed himself
1:19 Im-a-Veronica: with explosives
1:20 Im-a-Veronica: at school
1:24 MacAttack: oh
1:26 MacAttack: thats very
1:30 Im-a-Veronica: thats not everything actually
1:30 Im-a-Veronica: im sure JD has told you we've been kind of off lately
1:31 1:MacAttack: he hasnt said anything of the sort actually
1:32 Im-a-Veronica: oh
1:33 Im-a-Veronica: we've been kind of arguing
1:33 MacAttack: about what
1:34 Im-a-Veronica: morals mostly
1:35 MacAttack: that is not what i thought you'd say
1:36 Im-a-Veronica: its not like fighting
1:36 Im-a-Veronica: im just worried
1:37 Im-a-Veronica: and a little scared
1:37 Im-a-Veronica: so thats why i think my dream was so weird
1:39 MacAttack: ???????
1:40 Im-a-Veronica: i tried to stop him
1:40 Im-a-Veronica: in the dream
1:40 Im-a-Veronica: but uh
1:41 Im-a-Veronica: I couldn't leave my closet
1:43 MacAttack: 0_o
1:44 Im-a-Veronica: I know
1:45 Im-a-Veronica: It was weird because though the vents on my door I could see the football field, the bomb, JD. everytime i tried to leave something pulled on my neck
1:46 MacAttack: ...
1:47 Im-a-Veronica: and then he died
1:47 Im-a-Veronica: and i was at the funeral
1:48 Im-a-Veronica: everyone was wearing white and had movie glasses on for some reason??
1:49 Im-a-Veronica: and Heather Chandler comes up to me to tell me way more people were at her funeral and she thinks heaven is hella boring
1:49 Im-a-Veronica: and then she tells me she made my favorite dinner and i woke up
1:50 MacAttack: what was it
1:51 Im-a-Veronica: what was what
1:52 MacAttack: your favorite dinner
1:53 Im-a-Veronica: ...
1:54 Im-a-Veronica: its spaghetti. with lots of oregano.
2:00 Im-a-Veronica: so yeah
2:06 MacAttack: i wouldnt worry about it veronica.
2:06 MacAttack: you said you were stressed so thats probably it
2:08 MacAttack: maybe you just need to make up with JD
2:12 Im-a-Veronica: oh
2:13 Im-a-Veronica: uh thanks heather
2:16 MacAttack: night
2:16 MacAttack has logged of
2:22 Im-a-Veronica has closed private chat
yes believe it or not chat chapter's can have something other than memes and jokes at jd's expense
Chapter 41: Tick Tock (Jason Dean)
This will make sense later in the meantime have some angst
Bud Dean's job was going well.
JD needed to fix that.
He was going to stay and finish the work he and Veronica began.
The Heather's would see his way too and they'd be safe.
JD continued to hum as he built the bomb.
There was a knock on JD's bedroom door.
"Heya pop, could I get some help with some homework?" Bud muffled voice asked.
JD frowned and continued wiring his creation.
"Not now kiddo, I got some work to do." JD half heartedly replied.
Bud shuffled away and left JD alone.
Just like always.
His phone buzzed and he ignored it.
Probably Mac breaking the Heather's new rule.
He chuckled a bit.
If Chandler was half as smart as he thought she was even a week ago then she'd know that snubbing him wasn't going to change the outcome.
JD's fist clenched.
If Chandler was smart, she wouldn't have gotten between him and Veronica.
JD growled to himself and started working a little faster.
He loved Veronica.
He worshipped her.
He'd do anything for her.
JD gazed at his nearly completed bomb.
He didn't want to hurt everybody.
He didn't want to hurt the Heather's.
But what choice did he have?
The slate needed to be clean.
Besides,The Heather's left him first.
They started the war even before the faux suicides.
JD could see that now.
If they were just as loyal to him as he was to them-
JD took a deep breath.
it didn't matter.
The only thing that mattered was getting Veronica back.
And this newly created bomb would guarantee that.
Chapter 42: Light it up (Betty Finn)
Betty observes The Heathers
So not a whole lot of Rodney and Martha, but they'll be making appearances soon again
"Lighting things on fire is not the answer to everything Sweetheart!" Yellow Heather screeched.
Veronica's boyfriend scoffed.
"How would you know? You've never even tried it!" Veronica's boyfriend argued.
Betty watched the spectacle.
All three color coded queens screeched and tried to snatch what looked like a school assignment out of Veronica's boyfriends hands.
"You know, that's really rude of him. If she wants it back he ought to give it back." Rodney pouted.
Betty was inclined to agree with him.
"JD you fucking prick put down the fucking math test!" Red Heather spat.
Veronica's boyfriend tauntingly waved it over her head before snatching it back and laughing.
"Maybe it's a joke between them?" Martha offered.
Betty shook her head at her.
"I don't think so Marty. I think he's just being a dick"
Rodney beamed at Betty's reply.
"That's exactly what I was thinking! Isn't it weird that that's how he treats his friends?" Rodney asked.
Betty gave him a withering look.
"I'm more impressed with how he gets away with it than worried about the Heathers feelings." Betty replied.
That was true.
Veronica's boyfriend was totally pissing off the Heathers... nothing bad was happening.
He was laughing.
He was...pulling out a lighter?
Betty's eyes widened.
"JD put that back!" Green Heather barked.
"No, look Heather, Mac's dad won't see the test if there's no test to show! Stop fucking around, let me burn it." Veronica's boyfriend said.
"SWEETHEART STOP THIS IS NOT HOW WE BEHAVE" Yellow Heather bellowed.
"Holy shit" Rodney said softly.
Betty dazedly nodded in agreement.
It's not everyday that psychos in trench coats try and set shit on fire in the school hall way.
"Hey guys!" Veronica's voice chirped.
Betty turned towards her happy looking friend.
Betty really hated to burst her bubble.
Betty also hated the fire alarm being set off.
"Veronica, your boyfriend has gone postal." Betty informed her.
Veronica narrowed her eyes.
Before any accusations could be made, Betty gestured to where Veronica's boyfriend lit lighter was coming dangerously close to Yellow Heathers math test.
Veronica's eyes widened and she mumbled a 'excuse me'.
"JD cut that out!" Veronica ordered him.
The tall boy noticed his girl friend and lowered his arms, allowing one of the Heathers to finally snatch the test back.
"Hey babe." He greeted and leaned down to kiss her.
When he pulled away Veronica had a fond smile one her face.
Betty didn't understand her friends new relationship.
And that was frustrating.
Chapter 43: No Reply (Betty Finn)
Betty reaches out to her friend the old fashion way: through emails.
Subject:we need to talk
Hey Ronnie, you haven't answers my text or called me back and I haven't seen you in the halls for at least a week. Thought maybe you might see this and realize we miss you. Call me back!
Subject: we need to talk RE
Ok so you haven't replied. That's fine. I hope your doing ok. I'm really worried.
Subject: we need to talk RE RE
I asked Jen and Rodney, they haven't heard from you either. Nice to know your not just ignoring me and Martha. Call me back.
Subject: we need to talk RE RE RE
Is this a boyfriend thing? Did he do something? Did you do something? You're not like pregnant are you?
What am I saying your mom would kill you
Please Ron. I just want to know you aren't hurt.
Subject: You, asshat,
You , asshat, haven't updated any social media within the last week and a half. I've noticed your boyfriend seems angrier then usual. Seriously what do you see in him? Martha misses you
Subject: I cannot believe
I cannot believe you are about to make me stalk your boyfriend on social media
Subject:I cannot believe RE
Your boyfriend literally has no social media. Not even a tumblr. I would've thought he'd be all over that. If i have to dm Heather Duke on Twitter cause you can't check your phone I'm calling your mom
Subject:I cannot believe RE RE
Heather Duke said fuck off. I'm so surprised. Dialing your mom. Ring Ring Ronnie.
Subject:I cannot believe RE RE RE
Your mom said you haven't been around and have been super withdrawn lately. If you won't talk to your friends talk to your mother Veronica Heather.
Subject:I cannot believe RE RE RE RE
I'm doing it. I'm asking your scary boyfriend.
Whatever Veronica. Just fuck this. That guy is a fucking jerk and so are you. Fuck Him. Fuck you for not calling me after I talked to him. I'm done with this bullshit. Fuck you Veronica
Subject: I'm sorry
Your my best friend and I love you but I can't talk right now and I hope you understand
Chapter 44: Social Media (Heather McNumara)
Heather D and M try and set up social media accounts for JD.
I typed this up while my phone was acting buggy so excuse the mistakes. I intend to come back and fix them.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
This was hell. Heather M was in absolute hell.
“JD. No. You have to put- you put your real name there sweetheart.” Heather groaned.
The current objective was to make JD’s social media. He had set up a instagram, but was following a single person (ImaVeronica, three guesses who that was) and he has posted literally only bath bomb memes before leaving the account inactive. He also has a tumblr but it’s filled with alot of political rants and you guessed it, memes. So neither were acceptable for public view and had to be cleansed later. For now they were in the process of making him a facebook account. It was not going well.
“Ok, please, for the love of god. We just need to fill this fucking part out. JD. Please.” Heather Duke begged.
JD, who had been using a switch blade to clean his nails like the edgy fucker he is. He sighed.
“I really don’t want to be doing this” He said in a sing songy tone.
Heather D glared at him.
“I don’t give a shit Jason. Get your balls out of Heather’s purse and let’s go!” She exclaimed.
Heather had to agree with her. JD was being a little bitch. And she meant that with all the love and affection in her heart.
“Ok question number uno!” Heather chirped in an attempt to ease some of the tension. Heather scrolled down JD’s empty facebook page and looked at the questions.
“Workplace and education?”
“JD!” Heather exclaimed.
He shrugged again.
Heather was about to give up. Fuck this.
“Ok. You know what? Heather, you’re in charge of filling this out. JD, we’re going for a little walk.” Heather growled.
She grabbed JD by his collar.
JD, being a whole six feet tall, was literally dragged by Heather out of the room.
“Why are you being such a prick?” Heather asked.
JD’s eyes widened slightly at Heathers chosen term and shrugged.
“Social media is a bougie construct made to make you think you owe people you’ve never even met insight into your personal life”
Heather waved him off. “Yeah ok,literally no one cares about that.”
JD scowled. He slouched and crossed his arms,muttering “Veronica does…”
“Excuse me, is Sawyer here dealing with your moody ass sulking session right now? I didn’t think so?” Heather snapped.
JD didn’t really respond.
Heather choked back her frustration. Yelling at him wasn’t going to get them anywhere.
“Seriously. Why can’t you just be helpful?” Heather asked.
JD gave a careless shrug. “I’m a private guy. The idea of having to constantly update this shit is…exhausting.I don’t want to deal with it and don’t see why you can’t accept that.”
Heather took a breath. Whoo. She did not think she was going to have to have this conversation with him. Chandler maybe. Duke? Likely given how she loved to antagonize JD. But Heather?
She gave herself a little pinch, the same way she did before every game, for courage.
She paused to collect her thoughts and straighten up.
“Jason. Look at me.” Heather commanded.
JD’s face flashed with surprise. Heather never calls him by his first name.
“This is important. If you want to actually hang out with us you need to get used to the idea of doing things you don’t want to do. Heather is a demanding friend and expects nothing but perfection from you. If your not ready to give that to her, it’s too late to even walk away. She’ll ruin you. So please, for your own sake, get used to being complacent.” Heather finished.
Her little speech was straightforward and honest. Chandler wouldn’t let JD get away unscathed. He would be done before he could ever walk out the door. Chandler was neat like that. She liked to keep everything ahead of schedule and liked to take care of problems before they started.Heather hoped for JD’s, and her own, sake that JD would understand. It would break Heathers heart if they had to tear what they all built together down.
JD didn’t make eye contact when he nodded.
“Whatever Heather. Can you give me some time to put together something I can live with then? I don’t need people thinking I type like a teenage girl.”
Heather pursed her lips but nodded in agreement. She supposed it wouldn’t do any harm now that he knew the price of any rebellion.
Heather turned to go back inside the room. Duke would have to know they were done after all.
It’s been a while. Sorry I haven’t updated I’m just not feeling super inspired right now. I’ll try and keep uploading things.