Chapter 1: Three times Quinn Wanted to Say it, and the One time she did
Summary: four times Quinn wanted to say "I love you" to Santana and the one time she did. Btw Quinn never gets pregnant in this.
It was almost the end of sophomore year at McKinley high; and Quinn already ruled the school. With her best friends, of course. With Brittany and Santana by her side, there was nothing they couldn't do.
Of course minus joining the glee club, which wasn't all that bad for them; but still, Quinn didn't really know how to feel about it. After all she did get to see Santana more than she usually did, so that was a plus.
Thinking about Santana, caused Quinn to look up from where she was sitting and stare directly into Santana's eyes. Who was currently sitting across from her in the library.
Rachel had called a glee meeting and they were waiting for her to show, wondering why the hell she wanted to meet in the library. The library of all places, you'd think she'd want to meet in the glee room. But that wasn't what Quinn cared about.
Today was the day, her and Santana finally were gonna get some alone time to hang out. And of course Rachel just had to call a meeting on the day her and Santana were planning to have a movie night together. It was nothing serious, Quinn just wanted to spend some time with her best friend. After all with exams and sectionals coming up, they literally haven't gotten to see each other in private for a month.
"This is the stupidest meeting I've ever been to. Who calls a meeting, then doesn't show up?" Quinn asked as her and Santana stared at each other. "I know right? That dwarf is probably attempting to get it on with her new boyfriend, Jesse." Santana said, this caused Quinn to laugh loudly.
"You uh- you don't think they actually get it on, do you?" Finn asked, carefully and Quinn practically glared at him. "Why do you care?" She asked, her boyfriend. Quinn and Finn had been dating for about three months. With him being captain of the football team, and her being head cheerleader; they were the most predictable couple of the year.
"I don't, I just- it's just weird." He admitted, and before Quinn could respond Santana butted in. "I don't even wanna picture Berry's weird little hobbit body, attempting to get it on with that ugly musty-" Santana tried to say but Mercedes cut her off. "Jesus Santana, calm down." She said and Santana only rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, you don't have to be so mean." Tina added and Santana only rolled her eyes again. "I'm not mean." Santana defended herself and everyone, except for Quinn, glared at her. Brittany wasn't glaring either but everyone knew it was only because she was trapped in her on little world.
"You're not mean? That's like saying green is purple." Kurt said and Brittany looked up at everyone. "Is green really purple?" She asked and everyone stared at her for a moment.
"Guys, Santana isn't mean. She just tells it how it is, and if you guys can't handle that, then go cry to Mr. Schue." Quinn said bluntly and Santana only smiled at her. Quinn winked at Santana, but nobody was bothered by it. They were only best friends after all.
Everyone soon got caught up in their own conversations, leaving Quinn to scoot closer to Santana. "I say, we ditch this place, and go watch "the other woman" while giving each other cuddles." Quinn said teasingly and Santana giggled. "We can't leave, Rachel wanted to talk to us." Santana said and Quinn rolled her eyes.
"Who cares about what man hands wants?" Quinn asked and Santana only shrugged. "You got me there." Santana said bluntly, "Lets go." She added and Quinn flashed her a small devious smile.
They slowly stood up, and snuck away while nobody was watching. And once they were out of the library, they giggled loudly. After Quinn's laughter died down, she realized Santana was still giggling. She stared at her for awhile.
For some reason Quinn's heart started pounding as she stared at Santana some more, it felt as if time had stopped. She didn't really know what this feeling was, but what Quinn did know, was that she wanted to stare at Santana for as long as she could; because she never really noticed how beautiful the Latina was. Of course she knew Santana was hot, one of the hottest girls at school, but she's never realized that she was this beautiful.
"Come on, lets get out of here before Benedict Arnold shows up." Santana said, still giggling, snapping Quinn out of her thoughts. She grabbed Quinn's hand, interlocking their fingers, and every cell in Quinn's body tingled. And for the first time, she actually wanted to tell Santana that she loved her.
Junior year was just beginning for Quinn, and so far it was great. She was still captain of the Cheerios, and still the most popular girl at school. Sure her and Finn had broken up over the summer, turns out he left her for Rachel. But it didn't bother Quinn, as much as she thought it would.
As Quinn walked through the halls of McKinley high school, her eyes finally landed on Santana. Who, like always, was wearing one of her many, Cheerios uniform. Quinn smiled widely as she started to walk up to Santana.
That was when she noticed Puck, was walking up to her too. Suddenly Quinn stopped, as Puck approached the raven haired girl. He kissed her cheek, and Santana smiled. Quinn only stared at them, but what she had failed to notice is that Santana's smile was forced.
Santana noticed Quinn and waved her over. But instead, Quinn acted as if she didn't see her, turned around, and walked the other way. This hurt Santana's feelings more than she'd like to admit. But Quinn was hurt over the fact that Santana was now dating Puck.
It wasn't that Quinn was jealous or anything, "No, never that." Quinn thought to herself. It was more of the fact, that this meant her and Santana couldn't hook up anymore. Yes, Quinn and Santana were hooking up, but it didn't mean they had feelings for each other. They both agreed that it meant nothing, but they also agreed that they would continue doing it.
"Quinn!" Santana called out as she rushed after the blonde. Quinn then hesitantly stopped as she waited for Santana to catch up to her. As Santana did, they started to walk. "I was motioning for you to come over, didn't you see that?" Santana asked and Quinn shrugged.
"You looked pretty busy with your boyfriend over there." Quinn said bluntly and Santana only stared at her in disbelief. "What are you talking about?" Santana asked and Quinn only shot her a look as they stopped walking.
They stared at each other and Quinn sighed, "I saw you with Puck, he kissed you." Quinn said and Santana stared at her. "He's Puck, he kisses everybody." Santana pointed out, "He kissed your cheek, Santana, he clearly has like a thing for you." Quinn said and Santana sighed.
"So what if he does?" Santana asked and Quinn stared at her in disbelief, "Puck's a jerk. He's a self centered asshole, who only cares about himself, and getting into some girls pants." Quinn said and Santana only stared at her.
"I guess I have a thing for asshole's don't I?" Santana asked and Quinn mouth gapped open as she furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief. She crossed her arms and stared at her best friend, "And what's that supposed to mean?" She asked and Santana shrugged.
"It means, that I can date Puck, if I want to." Santana said bluntly and Quinn only stared at her. "It doesn't, bother you, does it?" Santana asked and Quinn only stared at her. "N-No, no of course it doesn't." Quinn said bluntly. "Why would it bother me?" Quinn asked and Santana only shrugged.
"You looked a bit, bothered for a second." Santana said and Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'm not." Quinn said, and Santana smiled. "Good, cause I mean- it's only Puck, you and I we can still mess around." Santana said and Quinn smiled.
Quinn wanted to tell Santana that she didn't want her to date Puck, that she wanted to be the only one Santana was with. She wanted to tell Santana that she loved her, more than Puck could ever love her.
But instead, Quinn only smiled, a forced smile, as she stared at Santana. "Good." Quinn said as Santana smiled and interlinked their arms together as they started walking.
Senior year was hard for Quinn and Santana. Ever since Santana admitted that she was in love with Quinn, and Quinn didn't say anything back; they hadn't really been speaking.
Which made Quinn sad, because she loved Santana, she did; she just didn't know how. She wanted to say that she loved her back, but she just couldn't. She watched Santana from across the glee room, and she sighed. Santana didn't even pass her glance, and that honestly made Quinn feel horrible.
Quinn wanted to shout that she loved Santana, she wanted to kiss her in front of everyone and everything. But she couldn't. Because Quinn was a coward, and deep down she knew that Santana deserved better. Better than her, better than anyone.
But she loved Santana, and she wanted to say it now more than ever. But like many times in the past, she just couldn't.
Quinn locked eyes with Santana. It was Valentine's Day and they were back in Ohio. It was also Mr. Schuester's wedding day.
Quinn thought it was a bit cliche that they were having the wedding on Valentine's Day, but how could she miss it?
Santana slowly walked up to Quinn, and flashed her a small smile. "Hey." Santana said gently, and Quinn felt her heart skip a beat. "Hey." Quinn said softly. "Do you uh- do you wanna sit together?" Santana asked and Quinn smiled widely, "Sure." Quinn said gently.
The wedding was kind of a drag, but the after party was the best part. Everyone was dancing and having fun. Quinn and Santana hadn't left each other's side all night. They had started drinking awhile ago, and neither of them were nearly close enough to drunk yet.
The night was going great between them, that was until Rachel and Finn started singing together.
"I know it's late, I know you're weary." Finn started to sing and Santana's eyes lit up.
"I love this song! Dance with me!" Santana said happily and Quinn only stared at skeptically. "Come on, please?" Santana asked and Quinn smiled in defeat. "You're lucky I just can't say no to you, Lopez." Quinn joked and Santana giggled as she blushed.
Quinn then put her arms around Santana's waist and Santana put her arms around Quinn's shoulders. "Like junior prom all over again huh?" Quinn joked a bit and Santana giggled. "Except this time, we're not closeted lesbians and we're not sleeping together." Santana joked and Quinn giggled a bit.
They got lost in what was finchel's voices, and the words hit them both pretty hard. All Quinn wanted to do, was tell Santana how much she loved her.
And this time, she wouldn't let fear stop her. She wasn't in high school anymore, this is real life, she needed to tell Santana this. "Santana?" Quinn asked as she stopped dancing. "What?" Santana asked as she took a step back and stared at Quinn.
"I love you." Quinn said quietly.
Chapter 2: Something About Tonight
Quinn doesn't do love, but there was something about tonight. And when Santana asks her to stay, she knows, there's really no way she can go.
Everyone knew Quinn Fabray, didn't do love. She hated love, in fact the mere idea of love, made her want to vomit. It wasn't that she was scared of falling in love, it was that if it's never worked in past, why would it work now?
So Quinn didn't look for love, anymore. It's ironic, really, in high school all she ever did was look for the perfect guy, and want so desperately for someone to love her. But now, whenever a guy comes her way and asks her to stay for more than a couple of hours, Quinn can't help but run in the opposite direction.
That's just how it is with Quinn, love sucks, so she doesn't do it.
But there was something about tonight. Maybe it was the way Santana was stealing little glances at Quinn as they drank together. It was Valentine's Day, and they were at the after party, of Will and Emma's wedding. She could see the lust in Santana's eyes, or maybe she was just trying to convince herself about it.
As they laughed and got tipsy, they both only continued drinking. And now, here they were, drunkenly slow dancing with each other, to a song, that if they were all alone, would probably be crying to.
"I've never slow danced with a girl before." Quinn admitted, causing Santana to pick her head up from the blonde's shoulder, and stare at her in amusement as they continued to dance. "I like it." Quinn said gently, while smiling. Quinn blamed the alcohol- that's it, the alcohol. They were both nearly drunk and she wasn't thinking straight.
Santana only stared at Quinn, knowing the blonde was probably having an argument with herself in her mind. This only made Santana giggle a bit. She stared into Quinn's eyes and that's when Quinn noticed it was back, the seduction, and lust in her eyes. That look. And my god Santana had a way of making someone feel like they were the only girl in the room.
But somehow, Quinn was not the only one thinking that she was the only girl in the room- because for once in the entire night, Santana was only focused on Quinn. Even if she had been so focused on Brittany before, she couldn't help but notice how beautiful Quinn looked. That made her wonder, if Quinn always looked that beautiful.
But Quinn didn't wonder anything at all, tonight she didn't wanna think; about anything. She was done thinking. She just wanted to have fun, with someone who cares about her. And sure, her and Santana don't really have the best past; sometimes it's bumpy, and sometimes it's great. But Quinn couldn't remember a time when she didn't care about Santana. Even when they "hated" each other.
She could only hope, Santana had felt the same.
The night flew by and soon they were drunkenly stumbling back to Santana's hotel room. Quinn giggling loudly, while Santana made some drunken joke, then bursting into fits of drunken laughter. As she struggled to open the door, Quinn stared at her. And thought how beautiful Santana looked.
But it didn't come as a surprise to her, Santana always looked beautiful. In fact, Quinn couldn't remember a single day, when she didn't think Santana looked absolutely beautiful.
"What?" Santana asked, snapping Quinn out of her thoughts. She hadn't realized she was staring at the Latina, while still standing at the door frame. "Nothing- you just- you look beautiful." Quinn slurred a bit and Santana giggled. "You-You are such a sappy drunk." Santana joked and Quinn giggled. "I'm serious." Quinn said, in a serious tone.
This caused them to fall into a small silence. Both being taken over by their thoughts.
Quinn soon started to walk in to the room slowly, shutting the door behind her. Santana had an expression on her face, that Quinn didn't even bother to read. Quinn moved closer, closer, and closer to the raven haired girl, till finally; they were only inches away from each other. Quinn looked down at Santana's lips for a moment, then back up into her eyes.
She gently cupped Santana's face, and kissed her. It was a bit sloppy, due to both of them being drunk. But Quinn can't blame this kiss on her drunkenness, she just couldn't. She's always wanted to kiss Santana, she couldn't deny that. She always wondered why everyone always said Santana was the best kisser in the entire school. But now that she was actually kissing Santana, she realized just how much everyone underestimated her.
Because Santana wasn't the best kisser in the school- she was the best kisser in the world. Sure, maybe that was a bit exaggerative, but the way Santana's lips moved so tenderly in sync with Quinn's- yet still, she pulled her in wanting to be closer. Because kisses weren't just kisses to Santana- they were everything. Santana always thought kisses meant something. Even when they didn't, she still wanted them to; because a kiss is sacred. It was meant to be shared with someone you care about.
And for the first time in awhile, Santana was living up to that. She wasn't just kissing someone from high school, or someone from New York that she met in a bar. No, she was kissing Quinn. Her best friend since freshman year, and this was sacred. Even if it wasn't love, it was sacred.
"Stay with me." Santana whispered gently, in between kisses. Quinn froze, but she didn't stop kissing Santana. She knew she shouldn't stay, especially not with all of these emotions the Latina was making her feel.
But how could she say no? If she stayed, she'd get to hold Santana in her arms, and kiss her some more. But if she left she'd be fulfilling her own wishes, and not be tempted to fall in love.
Quinn pulled away for a moment, searching for every sign in Santana's eyes that she was only drunk and lonely. But there wasn't lust in Santana's eyes anymore, there was more than that. Vulnerability? It seemed like it. It seemed like for once in her cruel life, Santana was being completely and utterly vulnerable with someone.
And Quinn knew if she said no, she would crush that in a second. But Quinn didn't think twice about it. As she whispered "always" and kissed Santana once more.
Because she couldn't say no, she just couldn't. Santana meant more to her than some dumb promise to herself, Santana meant more to her than anything. And usually, Quinn didn't let her emotions get the best of her. But there was just something about tonight.
Chapter 3: The Fabray's
Santana insists on meeting Quinn's parents. She soon realizes just why Quinn was so anxious
As Santana and Quinn walked up to the blondes old house, Quinn felt as if she wanted to pass out. Her knees were trembling and Santana only shot her a concerned glance. "Babe, are you okay?" Santana asked and Quinn felt her stomach practically tie in knots. "Y-Yeah- Yeah I'm fine. Just- I'm just nervous. I mean I haven't seen them for a year now." Quinn admitted and Santana only flashed her a small smile.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see you. I mean, people can change over the years- or year in this case." Santana said gently, knowing all too well of Quinn's past. She knew her parents were pretty intolerable. Well her mother was a jealous, unhappy, snob; and her father was a close minded asshole, who hated seeing other people happy because he wasn't.
"You really think people can change?" Quinn asked, biting her lip nervously. "Maybe, I mean, I'm sure all parents have their problems; but I know being away from such an amazing person like you is probably driving them crazy. I know it would drive me crazy." Santana said lightly as she stroked Quinn's cheek gently with her thumb. Quinn smiled a bit at this.
"You're amazing, you know that?" She asked and Santana smirked, "I've been told a few times." Santana said teasingly and Quinn giggled. Leave it to Santana to still make her smile even when she was so scared. "Are you ready?" Santana asked curiously and Quinn only nodded, "Yeah, I am." Quinn said gently and Santana smiled.
The young Latina woman, rang the door bell. And hearing that familiar ring, caused all of Quinn's anxiety to come back. It's kind of like when a certain word, or smell, triggers memories you don't want to remember. That measly little ring, caused all of Quinn's memories from high school to come rushing back, like an avalanche. Sure Santana had been with her since high school, but they were only friends. She had never said more than two words to Quinn's parents. She never had to see how intolerable and cruel they were.
But this was different, they were dating now.
They had been together for two years and her parents only knew what they had seen on her Facebook. Which is why she was more than surprised when they actually invited them to a dinner. Quinn kept trying to tell herself that maybe people can change, she repeated to herself, silently praying that for once in her life, her parents would actually be supportive. And not only of her relationship, but of everything. Of her lifestyle, of what she was majoring in.
Quinn only hoped that--
"Honey!" A familiar voice exclaimed and Quinn could physically feel her heart stop. She stared up at her mother who was standing at the door, and smiling at them. Quinn could immediately recognize the fake smile on her face, it was forced. Quinn only sighed silently and forced her own smile.
It was ironic really, the only thing her and her mother had in common, was being able to pretend that they actually enjoyed each other's presence.
Sure, Quinn loved her mother, don't get her wrong. She just didn't particularly like her. There was a huge difference between loving family, and liking them. Liking them, meant you enjoyed their presence and didn't mind being around them. Loving them was more complicated than that. Loving them meant you loved them so much that you forced yourself to be around them, and pretended to enjoy their presence.
"Well don't just stand there, come give mama a hug!" Judy exclaimed and Quinn only forced a smile as she slowly walked closer to her mother. She was brought into a tight hug, one that most kids would find comforting, and happy. But Quinn only felt awkward and uncomfortable; because growing up no one really hugged her other than her older sister. Who was so fucked up by her parents, was no longer on speaking terms with them.
As Quinn and Judy pulled away Judy smiled a wide (of course fake) smile at Santana. "Oh Santana, you look so beautiful! My god look at that dress, it would look so much better on you if it was blue though." Judy said. And there was the first of many discrete insults.
Quinn now realized it was silly of her to believe that her parents had changed. She wanted to grab Santana and get the hell out of there, while they still could; considering they hadn't even walked inside of the house yet.
But Santana only forced a smile, and nodded. "Well, I've always liked red." Santana said and Judy only chuckled, "Well you're young and pretty. Although, looks do fade." Judy warned and there was another one. Quinn was used to these insults, growing up, as she got more beautiful; her mothers insults became more frequent. She had gotten used to them, and didn't mind; when they were directed towards her, of course. But for some reason, when her mother insulted Santana, it made Quinn's blood boil.
"Well come on in, dinner is almost ready!" Judy said smiling, as she stepped aside for Quinn and Santana to walk in. Santana gave Quinn a look, and Quinn only shot her an "I told you so" look as they hesitantly walked into the large house.
As Quinn stepped in a flood of bad memories came rushing back, she knew everything was in the past, but sometimes family was complicated. And don't get her wrong, she has moved on, it's just being in the house that was supposed to build you, but instead broke you; just caused Quinn to feel like throwing up.
Santana noticed the look on Quinn's face and squeezed her hand gently, causing Quinn to look up at Santana.
Seeing her girlfriends face made her feel a lot better. That's when Quinn realized, this wasn't at all like before. Because before she was alone in a house were people hated her, but right now; she has Santana. And Quinn doesn't care about what anyone else thinks, just Santana.
And Santana wanted to meet Quinn's family officially, so that's what was happening. Quinn would do anything for Santana, even put up with her intolerable parents for one night. Because unlike when she was younger, she gets to leave at the end of the night. She's not trapped in an unhappy home anymore; in fact, she's never been more happy than where she's at right now.
Because she's with Santana, and the Latina just has some way of making everything better. She always has.
"Ahem." Her father cleared his throat causing Quinn to snap out of her thoughts, and look up at him. He still had that hard stare, as if he were staring down his enemy; but he wasn't. He was staring down his own daughter, and for some reason Quinn found it pathetic. She used to be afraid of this stare, but now she just felt kind of sorry for him. Because Quinn could see the miserableness in his eyes, and even though he was cruel and bitter towards her growing up, she still thought no one deserved to feel that way.
"Hi dad." Quinn said in a shaky tone. They just stood there, staring at each other. Quinn wasn't sure if she was supposed to hug him, or not. "Well don't just stand there." He joked, but even in his joking voice; he still sounded a bit too serious. Quinn let go of Santana's hand and walked over to Russel hesitantly. She slowly wrapped her arms around him and pulled away after about three seconds.
She then quickly hurried back to stand next to Santana who was stifling a laugh, because my god that was awkward and they both knew it. "You must be Santana." He said as he walked up to her slowly, as if it were supposed to make her nervous. But Santana stood up straight, and smiled. "You've met me before." She said bluntly and he nodded.
"Sorry I didn't recognize you when you're not skipping around in that awful degrading Cheerios uniform." He said bluntly and Santana held in an insult. Quinn noticed this, and honestly she wanted Santana to go all "Lima heights" on him. But Quinn knew Santana was keeping her composure for her.
So Quinn grabbed Santana hand and squeezed it gently, just like Santana had did to her early. "So how's college Quinn?" Judy asked as she walked up to everyone. "It's good." Quinn said bluntly, and her parents didn't push any further. Santana found it incredibly rude that they didn't even ask Quinn what she was majoring in.
"Do you also go to the same university as Quinn, Santana?" Russel asked and Santana nodded with a smile on her face. "Yup, New York is amazing, and Colombia is better." Santana said and Quinn smiled widely. "Oh yeah, it just has so many programs and classes." Quinn said and Russel only made a dissatisfied expression.
"I thought you wanted to go to Yale." Russel said and Quinn's smile fell. "You wanted me to go Yale." Quinn said and before Russel could say anything, the maid thankfully piped in. "Dinners ready." She said and Judy only smiled another huge, fake smile.
"Well lets go eat!" Judy said in an obviously fake cheery tone. Russel and Judy walked ahead of the younger couple and Quinn sighed. "It's not too late to run for the hills." Quinn whispered and Santana only chuckled. "Babe, they're your parents." She said softly and Quinn sighed, "I know, I know. They're just so frustrating." Quinn admitted.
"I know." Santana said as she grabbed Quinn's hand, giving it a light squeeze, and they finally walked into the kitchen. Where Russel and Judy were already sitting.
Santana noticed they were sitting far away from each other, even though there were plenty of seats, and they could have easily sat next to each other.
Her and Quinn did the opposite of this, instead of sitting across from each other and behind separated; they sat right next to each other. That is after Quinn pulled Santana's chair out for her. Santana blushed and sat down, even though she was used to Quinn doing things like that; she still blushed every time. Because it was those "little" things that meant the world to her, because somehow it showed her that Quinn enjoys treating her right.
The maid set plates in front of each of them individually. Quinn and Santana were the only ones who thanked her, and she smiled widely at this and nodded. They all set their napkins in their laps, and started to eat; silently.
"So uh- Santana, we never did get to ask you; what are you majoring in?" Judy asked, breaking the silence. Santana smiled widely as she stared at the older woman; "I'm actually majoring to be a doctor." Santana said and Russel and Judy exchanged impressed glances. Quinn smiled widely and nodded, "Yup, she's been studying so hard lately. I'm so proud of her." Quinn said and Santana blushed. Before Santana could respond, her father cut her off. "What about you, Quinn?" He asked.
Quinn only glanced at Santana for help, so Santana grabbed her hand from under the table and again, squeezed it. Quinn sighed, deciding she'd just tell her parents the truth.
"I'm majoring in being a professional dancer." Quinn admitted and they all fell into a silence. "A dancer?" Russel asked in an angry tone. "No daughter of mine is going to be a "dancer"." He said angrily and Quinn only stared at him in disbelief. "Well I don't think you have a say in that." Quinn said angrily and he only scoffed.
"Where did we go wrong with you?" Russel asked, bitterly as he stared at Quinn. That made Santana snap for some reason. She soon took her napkin off of her lap and threw it angrily on the table, standing up after she did. "Maybe it was the mental and verbal abuse." Santana hissed as Judy and Russel and only stared at the Latina in shock.
"Excuse you?" He asked and Santana only folded her arms. "You heard me. Just because you're not happy, doesn't mean you have to take it out on people who are." Santana said as the older couple only watched her intensely. "Watch your tone young lady." Judy ordered angrily and Santana rolled her eyes.
"Are you really gonna sit there and deny it?" Santana asked in disbelief. "I mean when was the last time your husband told you that he loved you?" Santana asked, staring directly at Judy. Judy only snapped her mouth shut in response.
"And you." She said staring directly at Russel. "When was the last time you felt loved by your wife?" She asked and he only stared at her. "You know, the way you treat Quinn has nothing to do with her, or her past. It's all about you two. You two are so angry and unhappy, that you've become bitter. And you have this constant need of taking it out on the weaker person. Well guess what you miserable old douche bags?" Santana asked as they both stared at her in shock.
"I'm not the weaker person. I'm far from it. And neither is Quinn, she's actually the strongest person I know; but for some weird reason, she actually loves you two. And I'm not gonna sit around and let you make her feel about herself, because I love Quinn, and I'm proud of her. And I would do anything to protect this girl right here, because she is my life." Santana said in a strong voice, and Quinn only stared up at Santana with tears in her eyes.
"You two may be miserable, but that doesn't give you the right to bring others down. Because I love Quinn, I tell her that every day. But that's not the point, because there are no amount of "I love you's" that can be said, to describe just how much I love her." Santana said, as she glanced down at Quinn who was staring at her adoringly.
"The things I feel for her are indescribable. And she doesn't need to tell me she loves me every day, because I know. But it doesn't stop her from saying it to me. We're happy, and we really wanted you two to be a part of that; but you two are way too caught up in feeling sorry for yourselves. So clearly, coming here and hoping you could be a part of our lives was a mistake." Santana added as she stared at the rich couple, who were sitting there stunned. "I'm gonna love her forever, whether she's a dancer or a garbage man." Santana said and Quinn giggled through her tears.
"Now if you excuse us, we have a table at breadsticks that's calling our name. Isn't that right Quinn?" Santana asked and Quinn nodded as she smiled. "That's right." Quinn said as she grabbed Santana's hand and stood up.
And without another word, they stormed off.
As they got outside, Quinn shut the front door and Santana let out a breath. "My god that was exhilarating." She admitted, and Quinn only stared at her. "Quinn I'm sorry I went off on your parents like that, it's just I couldn't stand them talking to you like that-" Santana couldn't even finish her sentence before Quinn was practically pouncing on her and kissed her passionately.
Santana wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist and caught her balance as she kissed Quinn back. As Quinn pulled away she smiled as Santana set her down. "No ones ever stood up for me like that." Quinn said gently and Santana only smiled softly at her girlfriend.
"I couldn't just sit there and let them talk about you that way. Your my girl, and who cares what they think? They're just bitter old people who never knew what happiness was." Santana said bluntly and Quinn giggled. "Besides, I support whatever you dream you have; and I think you're gonna be the best god damn dancer New York has ever seen." Santana teased lightly and Quinn giggled.
"God I love you so much." Quinn said softly and Santana smiled. "I love you more." Santana replied and she pecked Quinn's lips once more. "Now come on, let's go to breadsticks." Santana said and Quinn giggled as Santana wrapped her arm around Quinn and they started to walk off.
"Oh and one more thing." Santana said, causing Quinn to look up at her. "Yeah?" Quinn asked curiously. "Let's never have dinner with your parents again." Santana half joked and Quinn giggled. "Deal." Quinn said lightly.
Chapter 4: Why
Quinn finds herself asking Santana why they do this, Quinn can never seem to get a straight answer.
Quinn was never one to be insecure. Lucy was insecure. Quinn was, well Quinn was everything Lucy wasn't. She was hot, blonde, confident, sexy, not to mention extremely gay. And Lucy was- well Lucy just wasn't Quinn. She was insecure, a total dweeb, out of shape, and probably as straight as a pencil.
If someone would've told Lucy that in a couple of years she would've ended up in bed, with Santana Lopez every night for the past year now; then she probably would've damned you to hell, calling you a sinner. But Lucy didn't end up in bed with Santana, Quinn did. Lucy would've never gotten a girl like Santana, heck, Quinn barely even had Santana and she was Quinn Fabray.
Sometimes Quinn found Lucy battling with her, urging her to be herself; but Quinn didn't know who that was. A part of her thought that Lucy was who she really was, and she'd always have to fight with her on that. But the other part of her, thought that Quinn is who she really is. It wasn't because she enjoyed the popularity, the confidence, and the attention. No, it was so much more than that.
As Lucy, Quinn would've never been able to be herself, without being called a dweeb, or a nerd. But as Quinn, she can be whoever the hell she wants to be. If she wanted to he a glee nerd, she could be. If she wanted to read books, she could.
But there was something that Lucy never took with her when she left; fear.
Quinn was absolutely mortified of being herself. It wasn't so much as being insecure, it was mainly because she was afraid that if she let herself fall back into her old habits, she'd become Lucy all over again. So she didn't read as much as she used to, and although she was in glee club; she stayed in the Cheerios, for popularity reasons.
Quinn also never had to worry about feelings. Most of the people who have ever liked her, or loved her, have told her to her face. Leaving all the decisions up to her. That was before she started sleeping with Santana of course. That's when Quinn, sort of stopped being Quinn.
She wasn't Lucy, but she wasn't really Quinn.
She found herself asking Santana a lot of questions. One being, "what the hell are we doing", another being, "what does any of this mean", and the most important being, "why me, why the hell did you choose me".
But of course, every time Quinn asked Santana any of these questions, the brunette never gave her a straight answer. But the question "why" became more frequent, Quinn desperately needed to know why, but Santana didn't know how to explain.
Which is how they ended up laying next to each other, naked, with Santana's blanket draped over them; as the brunette sat up and lit a cigarette. Quinn didn't mind, if it were anyone else she would've made them put that thing out, or go outside; but this wasn't anyone else, this was Santana. And Quinn found herself bending a lot of her own morals for Santana.
"Why me?" Quinn asked quietly, causing Santana to rolled her eyes as she took a puff of her cigarette. "Don you really have to ask me that every single time, Q?" Santana asked and Quinn sighed. "Look San, I know you don't like talking about your feelings and shit, but I do. I need reassurance, I need to know you're not just-" Quinn said, pausing, she stared at Santana, who had an unreadable expression on her face.
"Never mind." Quinn mumbled as she turned over and faced the wall. Santana only sat there, furrowing her eyebrows, as she put out her cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand next to the bed. "You need to know I'm not just what?" Santana asked, trying to hide the fact that she actually cared about Quinn's feelings. When Quinn didn't answer, Santana grew anxious. But the anxiousness was soon replaced with frustration.
"Jesus Christ, Q just spit it out!" Santana said frustratedly and Quinn sat up, finally staring at the brunette. "I need to know you're not just using me Santana!" Quinn yelled back and Santana only stared at her. "I can have any girl in the school Quinn, yet I'm here with you, what does that say?" Santana asked and Quinn scoffed.
"Bullshit Santana, I'm the hottest piece of ass at that school. Any girl after me would be a downgrade and you know it." Quinn said, crossing her arms. Santana only huffed in response, she hated that Quinn was so smart, yet somehow she loved it.
When Santana didn't say anything, Quinn only sighed. "I knew it." She said in a tired voice as she turned back around to face the wall again. Santana then sighed frustratedly again.
"Well what the hell do you want me to say, Q?" Santana asked. "Do you want me to tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on? That every time I look at you, I'm reminded that I'm the luckiest girl on the planet? You want me to tell you that I literally pay so much attention to you, that I realized you go to the library every other day, because you think someone might realize you're the smartest fucking person at that school?
Or how about the fact that every time I look at you, I don't see some blonde stereotype walking around; all I see is Quinn. Smart, crazy, sexy, psychotic Quinn. Or you do you want me to tell you about how I am absolutely in love with you? With everything you do. The way your eyebrows crease together whenever you're concentrating; or the way your finger interlock with mine because you secretly love affection. And the way you laugh whenever I say something stupid or funny. Don't even get me started on that smile." Santana rambled, sounding angry. But Quinn could tell she wasn't angry anymore.
Quinn didn't think twice as she grabbed Santana's face and kissed her passionately, "I love you so much too." Quinn mumbled in between kisses, and Santana felt her heart fall at ease.
And for once in her life, Quinn didn't care about being Lucy or Quinn. Because in Santana's eyes, she could be both. The brunette literally knew everything about her, yet still loved her. So for once in her life, she wasn't gonna worry about being Lucy or Quinn; she was just gonna enjoy loving and being loved by Santana Lopez. And that, was the best thing that could ever have happened.
Chapter 5: Santana and Puck
Puck and Santana are best friends, which means they tell each other everything. Even when they're both high and it comes out as an accident. Here's the story on how Puck found out Santana and Quinn were dating. Ps. Puck and Quinn never slept together in this.
Puck passed the newly rolled joint to Santana who started to light it. He smiled at her, finally being able to have someone to get high with was nice. He liked talking to Santana about everything and nothing all at once. Talking about all the hot girls at school, their stupid theories about the universe, really just anything.
Puck's never really had a friend before, sure he has friends, but never a friend like this. Not one that actually wants to hang out with him after school's over. Santana took a puff of the joint and inhaled happily, as she exhaled, she took another inhale and passed it to Puck.
This went on for about thirty minutes, till there was barely any of the joint left. Puck then put it out and leaned his back on the couch, sitting next Santana, who was clearly stoned out of her mind. "Dude, who would you rather smash, Brittany or Quinn?" Puck asked and Santana's eyes went wide. "Why can't I- why can't I do both?" Santana asked smirking, staring at him with red eyes and he laughed. "Because the whole point of the- of the- of the question is choosing one." Puck explained slowly and Santana nodded.
"That makes sense." Santana said as she sat there silently, as if she were thinking. "I'd do Quinn." She admitted and Puck's eyes went wide, "Really? But Brittany has that awesome dancer body, and I bet she's super flexible." Puck said, biting his lip causing Santana to laugh loudly. "Yeah but, Quinn's just- Quinn's just different." Santana said, smiling like an idiot as Puck stared at her, waiting for her to explain.
"She's like that kind of girl that you just wanna do over and over again. But like you don't only wanna do her, you wanna do like shit for her. You get me?" She asked and Puck nodded. "Dude. Yes. It's like how I feel with Rachel, even though she's like, Finn's girl and everything, for some reason I like her." He admitted, completely understanding what Santana was saying.
"That's gross, hobbit is nothing compared to Quinn." Santana said and Puck started to laugh, "H-H-Hobbit!" He yelled as he continued to laugh which caused Santana to laugh too. They laughed at that for about ten minutes, before their loud laughter, died down to just occasional chuckles and giggles. After they calmed down, they both sighed.
"Seriously though, I never knew you had the hots for Quinn." Puck said, going back to the topic. Santana only sat there, smiling, all she could think about was Quinn and it made her smile. "I love Quinn." Santana sighed happily and Puck's eyes went wide. "Woah, woah, woah, woah." Puck said, as Santana stared at him. "Woah." He added again and Santana only patiently waited for him to go on.
"You love her?!" He asked and Santana shrugged, "'Course I do, she's my everything." Santana said bluntly, and Puck only stared at her. "Fuck that weed must've been strong." He mumbled, "You got it bad for Fabray." He added in a louder tone, this time teasing and Santana blushed. Santana always acted like a normal teenage girl while she was high. As if she were super happy, and the cold Santana that she usually was, went away and was replaced with a new, happy Santana.
A Santana who apparently isn't afraid to admit that she loves Quinn.
"You think- You think she loves you too?" Puck asked curiously and Santana only shrugged, "I dunno. I haven't really told her that I love her yet." Santana admitted, still smiling and Puck laughed. "When are you gonna tell her?" He asked, clearly enjoying hearing about Santana's little infatuation with Quinn, way too much. He honestly enjoyed teasing the girl, almost as if he was teasing his sister or something.
"Fuck if I know, probably like next week or some shit." Santana said and Puck laughed loudly, "I'm gonna romance the shit out of her." She added and Puck laughed even more. "Are you gonna serenade her in glee club or something?" He asked, still chucking and Santana shook her head as she laughed a bit. "Fuck no!" She said loudly and he laughed.
"I'm gonna serenade her in private." She said smirking and he laughed again, "Naked." She added as he exploded into fits of laughter, holding his stomach. Santana watched him laugh and soon joined in too, even if she didn't know why the hell Puck was laughing, the way he was laughing made her laugh.
After their laughter died down, they both sighed contently. "Seriously though, you should tell Quinn that you love her." He said, trying his best to sound serious, being high and sincere don't really mix. But he was. He really did want Santana to he happy, and by the way she was talking about Quinn; he could tell she really liked the blonde.
"I will. Soon." She said, smiling a wide smile.
They fell into a small silence, it wasn't awkward or anything, it was kind of comfortable.
"Your crush on Quinn is pretty entertaining." He said, breaking the silence. Santana then furrowed her eyebrows, "What crush? She's my girlfriend." Santana said bluntly, forgetting that her and Quinn haven't became a public couple yet. "Oh." Puck said simply, not fully taking in what Santana had just said. When it finally hit him, his eyes went wide. "Oh!" He said in a louder tone, finally catching on.
They fell into yet another silence, till again, Puck broke it.
"So how is she in bed?"
Chapter 6: For some odd reason, it's you
"Oh yeah?! Well if I'm so perfect, than why are you in love with Brittany instead of me?!" Quinn practically yelled and Santana froze. "Is that what you think?" Was all Santana asked.
A/n: Quinn was never pregnant or slept with Puck.
Quinn sat alone, on the bleachers of McKinley High as she stared at the half empty bottle of gin in her hands. It was prom night, and here she was, sitting alone on the bleachers. After everything she'd gone through this year, with Finn dumping her for Rachel (which she really didn't care about, because it's Finn) but her parents had been extremely cruel lately, and she was feeling alone.
So that's what she was, alone. Like always, Quinn Fabray was alone. Which was never new, even if she was one of the most popular girls in school, she always felt alone. Ever since she outed Santana for getting a boob job, she didn't really have anyone left. She didn't really know why she did that, but for some reason pushing the brunette away, was easier than asking her to stay.
Quinn stared at the dark football field, that she knew all too well, (after all she was a cheerio and the field was her heart) but Quinn sometimes hated being popular. She hated being a cheerio, and she hated being alone. It's ironic, really, all she's ever wanted has become her worst nightmare. Sometimes Quinn has to forcibly remind herself, that this is indeed what she wanted. But sometimes it gets hard.
Like tonight, when everyone thinks her dream is to be prom queen, it's not. She doesn't want to be prom queen, she hates the fact that she was even nominated. But she had to pretend as if she were actually fighting for it, when in reality she wasn't. But Santana was, for some weird reason Santana wanted to be prom queen. And even if Quinn would never tell her this, she voted for the Latina. Because after everything Santana had been through these past two years, she deserved to have something she wanted.
Footsteps interrupted Quinn's thoughts, and she looked up to see a figure walking up the steps. "Hello?" Quinn asked, starting to feel a bit threatened. When no one answered her heart started to race loudly. "Who's there?" Quinn asked again, trying to sound strong, instead of intimidated. "Calm your tits Fabray, it's just me." A familiar voice said, and once the figure stepped into the light, Quinn saw her.
It was Santana, in her beautiful red prom dress. Quinn was confused at first, it was nearly nine and they would be announcing prom queen any second now. But instead of being inside of the gymnasium, Santana was here; taking a seat next to a broken Quinn Fabray.
"What are you doing here?" Quinn asked, she didn't sound rude like she usually did, and Santana noticed this. But instead of saying some snarky comment about it, Santana shrugged, taking the bottle from Quinn's hand and taking a chug. "Prom sucks." Santana said bluntly, but Quinn knew there was more to Santana's statement, there was something in her tone she's never really heard before; disappointment.
"The real question is, what are you doing here?" Santana asked, raising a brow at the blonde as she took another swig of the drink. Quinn wondered how the hell Santana did that so effortlessly, how she could take a huge chug of gin and not even flinch. Quinn almost wanted to laugh, because it's just like Santana to never flinch, whether it was threats from girls, or alcohol.
"Like you said, prom sucks." Quinn said bluntly as she took the bottle from Santana, and took a drink. Her throat burned and she made a disgusted noise. Quinn wasn't necessarily a drinker, this caused Santana to chuckle, but she didn't say anything. Instead she took the bottle from Quinn and chugged the rest of it effortlessly, which caused Quinn's eyes to go wide because even if only half of it was there, it was still a lot.
Santana threw the bottle at the field, as if she were angry it; not at the bottle but at the field. "That's for almost breaking my knees while I was at the bottom of the pyramid!" Santana yelled and Quinn immediately felt guilty. After all she was the one that put Santana at the bottom of the pyramid.
But Santana didn't point that out, so Quinn didn't say anything. She only stared at the field, wondering why the hell Santana was here.
"There gonna announce prom queen soon." Quinn said bluntly and Santana didn't say anything, which caused Quinn to stare at her. "I rigged it." Santana said and Quinn's eyes went wide. She felt angry but didn't necessarily know why she was angry.
"Is that seriously how much you hate me Santana?!" Quinn asked angrily and Santana only stared at her. "You had to rig the votes so you would win? Who does that?" Quinn asked in an even angrier tone. "I didn't rig it for myself, don't flatter yourself." Santana hissed, taking Quinn by surprise. "I rigged it for hobbit." Santana said and Quinn only stared at her, shocked.
"Rachel asked you to rig the election so she'd win?" Quinn asked in a shocked tone, and Santana rolled her eyes. "Berry wouldn't do that, I want her to win." Santana said and Quinn furrowed her eyebrows. "But- but you hate her." Quinn said, she felt as if she's missed something. "I don't hate Berry, she's intolerable, but I don't hate her. She's never done anything to me, other than annoy the living crap out of me. But she's been through a lot, and she needs this more than I do." Santana said simply, as if it wasn't the nicest thing she's ever done.
"So, sorry if your precious little crown is going to someone else, but you're still gonna be popular tomorrow Quinn; and so am I." Santana said and Quinn only sat there, stunned. She didn't know what to say, she's never really heard of Santana doing something nice for someone, let alone Rachel Berry.
"I didn't want to win." Quinn admitted truthfully, taking Santana by surprise. "Wow, that's a shocker." Santana said and Quinn sighed. "Look Santana, I realize that for whatever you hate me but-" Quinn started but Santana cut her off. "For whatever reason?" Santana asked in disbelief.
"I worked my ass off, to become captain of the Cheerios. I worked my ass off, to be popular. I also worked my ass off to be Sue's perfect little devil. Then you come waltzing back in, and having it handed back to you on a fucking silver platter." Santana hissed and Quinn only sat there, taking what she said in.
"You're so perfect, Quinn. You're blonde, pretty, and popular. You're rich, and everything you want gets handed to you. I've worked for everything I have. I try my best maintain a great grade point average, I try my best to be great in glee club, and I try my best to be amazing on the Cheerios. For what? For people you like you and Finn to just destroy everything that I've worked my ass off for?" Santana asked in disbelief, and Quinn could hear the hurt laced through her words.
"So, sorry if I don't wanna be your best friend, Quinn." Santana hissed, pushing all the hurt down. Quinn sat there, taking it in. Realizing that she was so angry at Finn for ruining Santana's life, that she didn't realize she had done the same thing last year.
"I'm sorry." Quinn started, in a shaky tone. "I'm sorry I put you back underneath the pyramid. I just- Santana I'm not perfect. You are." Quinn started, causing Santana to stare at her. "You're beautiful, and smart, and when I put you down on the bottom, you climbed your way back up. You've never had anything handed to you, yet you always reach for the stars and end up getting the universe." Quinn said and Santana rolled her eyes.
"Oh bite me." Santana said sarcastically, "I don't want an apology Quinn, because frankly, I don't hate you." Santana said, taking Quinn by surprise for what felt like the millionth time tonight. "Because to hate, would mean I'm holding a grudge, and grudges give people wrinkles." Santana said and Quinn only stared at her; yup, there's the Santana Lopez everyone knows.
"But I would be lying if I said I wasn't mad. Because I may not have been the ideal best friend to you, but I never once told anyone about Lucy, I still haven't. And for you to go behind my back and tell Sue about my boob job, was pretty shitty, even for you." Santana said. "But it's fine, because you're perfect. You're perfect little Quinn Fabray, that everyone loves. Teachers, and students-- fuck, even coach loves you more. So let's just pretend like I never told you any of this; and you can go back to being perfect little Quinn tomorrow." Santana hissed as she stood up.
She was about to walk away, when Quinn finally put together her thoughts. She needed Santana to stay, she didn't want to be alone anymore. She pushed Santana away once, and she didn't want that to happen again. She knew what pure loneliness felt like, and for some reason Santana was the only person who cared about her. And some sappy life story, wasn't going to get Santana to stay, because for some reason Santana believes that Quinn's perfect.
"Oh yeah?! Well if I'm so perfect, than why are you in love with Brittany instead of me?!" Quinn practically yelled and Santana froze. "Is that what you think?" Was all Santana asked. Her back still turned to Quinn, "Its what I know." Quinn shot back, this caused Santana to turn around and face the blonde.
"I'm not in love with Brittany, she's with wheel chair boy. Britt is my best friend, the one who comforted me after I got put back on the bottom, by you." Santana said and Quinn looked down. "But you know what sucks worse than being put on the bottom, Fabray?" Santana asked and Quinn looked up; but before she could answer Santana beat her to it. "Being in love with the person who put you on the bottom." Santana said, her voice laced with hurt and betrayal.
Quinn stared at her, in shock. "Why else do you think I never ruined you? Did you think that I was just going soft? I knew you better than I knew anyone, I always admired how strong and cool you were; and you were a bitch, kind of like me but softer. We were the perfect match Quinn, I knew you, and you knew me. But I don't know you anymore. Because the girl I used to know, promised me she'd never hurt me; and she didn't. You did." Santana stared at her, and Quinn started to feel tears burn in the rim of her eyes.
"The Quinn I knew, wanted to be on top, together. The Quinn I knew, was my rock, and I was hers. Whenever Russel would make her feel like a disappointment, I was there; and whenever my parents would make me feel like shit, she was there. But this new girl, standing in front of me, somehow enjoys inflicting pain onto the people who love her most." Santana said bluntly, as if every word she was saying, wasn't cutting Quinn up inside.
"And you know, I'm all up for making people suffer and hurting the nobodies that I don't care about; but you don't hurt the people you love, Quinn, at least not intentionally. Because I never once thought about hurting you or Britt, because you two were my best friends." Santana said, and Quinn let a tear fall.
"And that girl that I knew, freshman and the beginning of sophomore year, that was Quinn. That's the Quinn that I fell in love with. But you? You're not Quinn. I don't know who the hell you are." Santana said and Quinn stared at her, more tears pouring out of her eyes by the second.
"I don't know how to do love, Santana. I was falling in love with you, and I knew you were falling in love with me too. I had to push you away S. It was easier than dealing with all the feelings that I had for you. But I couldn't just ask you to go, I knew if I faced you, that I wouldn't be able to do it. Love has never been good for any of us Fabray's. I watched my father ruin my mother, and I knew my grandmother ruined my grandfather, and I even watched my sister ruin her husband." Quinn admitted, tears still leaving her eyes.
Santana only stared at her intensely.
"I knew if I told you how I felt, and we did in some crazy way, end up together, I would've ruined a lot more than your reputation. I would've ruined you. And watching you walk away, with your heart still in tact, was better than watching you walk away with it completely broken." Quinn said and Santana looked down.
"It was broken, Quinn. No ones ever hurt me, like you hurt me." Santana said and never once has Quinn seen her so vulnerable. "I didn't mean to. I thought- I thought I could protect you from myself by having you hate me. But it didn't work, because I still love you. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you, and how much I miss you. You were and still are everything to me, Santana." Quinn said, she wiped some of her tears away as the brunette stared at her.
"And I know I can't make up for everything that I've done; I've been an awful person. But I love you, and I don't wanna watch you walk away again. I don't want to be in a world without Santana Lopez anymore. But if you do choose to walk away, I'll understand." Quinn said quietly, staring down at the floor. When Santana didn't say anything, Quinn's heart fell.
"Even if you hurt me, more than anyone ever has. For some crazy reason, I love you." Santana said and Quinn stared up at her, with hopeful eyes. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. For some odd reason it's you, Quinn, it's always been you." Santana said and Quinn only stared at her.
Not another word was said, she walked up to Santana and kissed her passionately. Santana slowly cupped the sides of Quinn's face with her hands, and kissed back. They kissed for awhile, till they started to feel drops on them, they looked up but Quinn laughed as soon as she saw the sprinkles were on. After two seconds they were soaking wet.
"I don't mean to be a total romantic sap, but I believe it is prom and neither one of us has gotten to dance with each other." Quinn said in a hinting tone and Santana stared at her with an eyebrow raised, "If yous really asking me to dance with you, yous better ask me right." Santana said in her "thuggish" tone causing Quinn to laugh.
"Santana Lopez, may I have this dance?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
Chapter 7: Stood Up
Santana gets stood up again, and Quinn can't help but think, this wouldn't have happened if she had been the one taking Santana on a date instead.
A/n: AU in which Santana went to Yale with Quinn instead of New York.
Santana sighed, walking back to her dorm. She had been stood up, again. It was funny, really, she had given a girl more than one chance, and she stood her up again.
"And people wonder why I don't give second chances. Let alone three." A dumbfounded Santana said as she walked into her dorm room. She saw Quinn sitting at their desk, working intensely on the paper that was due in her English 101 course. She was so infatuated with her writing that she didn't even notice Santana had walked in, and shut the door behind her.
She quietly walked over to Quinn and stared over the blondes shoulder, she closed the blondes laptop; causing Quinn to look up at her from where she was sitting. "I thought you were on a date?" Quinn asked and Santana only shrugged as she sat down in Quinn's lap. Quinn stared at Santana, she looked so beautiful, for someone who she knew didn't even deserve to see her like this.
"I got stood up... again." Santana said bluntly and Quinn sighed, "You know this would've never happened if you'd just let me take you on one date." Quinn said simply and Santana gave her a look. "Why do you like complicating things?" Santana asked, an amused smile tugging at her lips. "Because you're too afraid to." Quinn answered simply and Santana only sighed as she stared at the blonde.
"What were you working on, just now before I walked in?" Santana asked, ignoring Quinn's previous comment. "Just some essay poem thing from my English 101 class." She shrugged and Santana smiled, "Got anything good?" Santana asked curiously and Quinn shrugged again. "I have like, one line down, and this thing is due in two days." She admitted and Santana laughed.
"Let me hear it." She said and Quinn raised an eyebrow at the Latina, "You wanna hear that one line, that I have?" Quinn asked and Santana nodded; "I do." She said and Quinn only stared at her for a moment, searching for any sort of hint that the brunette was kidding, but she wasn't. So Quinn only shrugged and opened her laptop back up, for Santana to read.
Santana shifted herself in Quinn's lap so she was now facing the laptop.
"Starved for affection, terrified of abandonment; I began to wonder if sex was just an excuse to look deeply into another human beings eyes." Santana read softly, causing her to furrow her eyebrows. "It's only an idea, it's not..." Quinn trailed off as Santana stared at her. She got lost in what was Santana Lopez, as Santana stared at her seriously; as if she were trying to tell her something. But even though she's known Santana since their freshman year of high school, she's never really been able to ever fully figure her out.
"It's not my final prompt." Quinn finished her sentence from before, regaining her confidence once again. "It's beautiful." Santana admitted and Quinn stared at her with an amused smile on her face, "You are slowly becoming an art ho." Quinn teased and Santana rolled her eyes. "We will never be able to have one moment will we?" Santana asked and Quinn smirked as she pecked Santana's lips. "Its you and me we're talking about." Quinn teased and Santana laughed.
They fell into a comfortable silence, Quinn tracing shapes around Santana's thighs as Santana sat there calmly. Somehow spending the rest of the night with Quinn, was making being stood up seem okay.
"You know I was serious right?" Quinn asked and Santana's brows knitted together in a bit of confusion. "About only having sex to look into people's eyes? Because I can confirm that's kind of true." Santana joked and Quinn rolled her eyes, as she hit Santana's thigh. "No." She said, her cheeks turning a shade of red.
After Quinn composed herself, causing Santana to laugh, she continued. "I meant that you would never get stood up if you let me take you out on a date." Quinn said and Santana gave her a look. "Quinn-" She started and the blonde cut her off.
"Would it really be so bad San? I mean I know you better than anyone, and I still like you. It wouldn't be awkward because we already know everything about each other, so we wouldn't need to spend the entire date getting to know each other. It'd be like dating your best friend." Quinn said and Santana stood up, causing Quinn to also stand up. "Quinn, it would be dating my best friend." Santana pointed out and Quinn sighed.
"I know, but we've had a bunch of sex, and basically gone to dinner with each other like a million times now. The only difference would be that this time it'd be an official date." Quinn said and Santana sighed, "Q, I don't date best friends. I already did that once, and it ended in flames." Santana said, reminding Quinn about high school; causing the blonde to look down.
"I'm not Brittany, Santana." Quinn said and Santana stared at her, "I-I know that, Q." Santana said and Quinn shook her head. "No, you don't. Because you keep comparing this," Quinn said, motioning between her and Santana, "To what you and Brittany had." She finished and the brunette only stared at her.
"The difference between what you and I have, and what you and Brittany had, is that we're grownups, believe it or not. And we are mature; most of the time. We're not fifteen year olds anymore, S. We are twenty, and I actually believe that we'd work as a couple." Quinn said and Santana stared at her, she had an expression on her face, the expression Quinn knew too well. It was the face she made whenever she was being stubborn.
"Really? Q, have you met us? We're like the same person, us being together would be so complicated." Santana said and Quinn sighed frustratedly, "No, it wouldn't- I mean, yeah it would; but we've already hit the married couple stage, San. If you haven't noticed, we act like one. I mean I do all of your laundry, I clean, and do the domestic stuff. You make up for it by being hot, and sometimes you're funny." Quinn said and Santana couldn't help but laugh at that, because well, it's true.
"What we have is amazing, the sex, the late night conversations, and well, just everything." Quinn said and Santana smiled at her, "But I want more." Quinn added, causing the brunette to stare at her with a serious expression on her face. "I want the morning kisses, and I want the fights, the makeups, the stupid little holidays we'll be able to celebrate. I want dates." Quinn finished and Santana stared at her for awhile, causing Quinn to grow nervous.
"I know you don't like to do, feelings. But we have them Santana. I mean, we can't deny that we have something more than just sex, and you know it. Compared to the first time we started this thing, a lot has changed. We actually look into each other's eyes now, you practically live on my bed. We're basically together, we're just not, together." Quinn said and Santana was about to say something but Quinn beat her to it.
"I know, I know that this is crazy, and no one would've thought that we would have ended up together. But we did. And I don't know about you, but the thought of us being a couple makes me happy. Because well, after everything we've been through in the past, we deserve to be happy. I'd never hurt you intentionally because you're all I have left, and that's okay, because I wouldn't want anyone else by my side." Quinn rambled, she had gone so deep into explaining things that she didn't notice Santana's amused smile on her face.
She was about to start talking again, but Santana cut her off by placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "You talk way too much." Santana said causing Quinn to look down sheepishly, "I was gonna say yes after you said "you make up for it by being hot"." Santana said jokingly causing Quinn's eyes to go wide.
It took Quinn about twenty seconds to realize that Santana said yes. She then smiled widely at the brunette causing Santana to smile as well, "So you will go on a date with me?" Quinn asked with hopeful eyes. "Yes." Santana said smiling and Quinn smiled again, she then grabbed Santana's face and kissed her passionately.
"Don't you dare stand me up, Fabray." Santana warned after they pulled away, "I wouldn't even think of it." Quinn said gently.
(Two years later)
"Babe! Give me a hand with this!" Quinn yelled as she struggled to get the big box into their new apartment. "Sorry Q, I don't do the domestic stuff." Santana said simply, and Quinn gave her a look as she finally got the box through the door. She set it down to see Santana sitting on their new kitchen counter, filing her perfectly manicured nails.
"San, it'd be nice if I could get some help with moving the rest of the stuff in." Quinn said, with a pointed look as she walked over to her girlfriend of two years. "Hey I'm helping!" Santana said defensively as Quinn gave her a look, raising an eyebrow. "Really? And how exactly are you helping?" Quinn asked and Santana only flashed her a cheeky smile.
"By looking hot." Santana teased and Quinn rolled her eyes playfully, trying to hide the smile that was spreading across her face. She rolled her eyes again as she pecked the Latina's lips lightly. She then hopped onto the counter next to her girlfriend, and sighed contently.
Santana stared at her, and smiled. "What cha' thinking about?" Santana asked and Quinn shrugged, smiling at what was supposed to be their living room, but instead was only filled with boxes. "One date, got us here, San." Quinn said, smiling happily as she turned her head to face Santana, who was also smiling happily.
"No, I believe you not standing me up, got us here." Santana joked and Quinn laughed. "You're so lucky you're hot, Lopez." Quinn teased and Santana smirked, "And you're so lucky you do my laundry, Fabray." She teased back as she pulled her in for a kiss.
Chapter 8: Baby
when Santana offers to watch her neighbors baby for a day, she shows up at her girlfriends house unannounced.
Santana walked up to the familiar house she knew all too well, with Julie, her neighbors daughter, in her arms and a backpack full of who knows what. It was nine a.m, so instead of knocking, she just walked in. Knowing Quinn always forgot to lock the door when her parents were out of town, Santana locked the door behind her and carefully walked up the stairs.
"Sshhh we're gonna surprise auntie Quinn." Santana whispered and the toddler only stared at her questionably. Santana quietly opened the door to Quinn's room, and saw the blonde was sound asleep. Santana smirked as she walked over to the bed, and placed Julie down next to Quinn. Julie, doing exactly what Santana hoped she would, started to place her chubby little hands all over the blondes face.
Quinn furrowed her eyebrows in her sleep, as her eyes fluttered open. Her eyes went wide as she stared at the smaller child who was now laughing. "Who are you?" Quinn asked, clearly not realizing that babies can't answer questions; this let Santana know that Quinn was still half asleep.
"Quinn, this is Julie. Julie, this is Quinn. " Santana said and Quinn furrowed her eyebrows, "You know that single mom that lives next door?" Santana asked and Quinn nodded, sitting up, now fully awake. "Well this is her daughter." Santana said bluntly. "Why do you have your neighbors daughter?" Quinn asked curiously.
"Because I stole her." Santana lied bluntly and Quinn rolled her eyes, "Seriously San, why do you have her baby?" Quinn asked, staring at Santana. "Not her baby, my baby." Santana said as she reached over for Julie, who held her arms out signaling that she did indeed want Santana to carry her. "Who's my pretty girl? You are, yes you are." Santana said in a baby voice, peppering kisses all over the toddlers face; causing the baby to giggle as she wrapped her arms around Santana's head.
Quinn watched them admirably. For some reason, watching Santana hold Julie in her arms and be affectionate with her, was the cutest thing Quinn's ever witnessed. She watched as Santana placed Julie on the floor for a second, before taking her backpack off and unzipping it. She pulled out a pink fuzzy blanket, and spread it across the floor.
She then picked up the toddler and set her down on the blanket. Julie rolled over so she was on her stomach, staring up at Santana with curious eyes, who was currently reaching for all of Julie's toys. She pulled out a stuffed bunny, the toddlers fake teething phone, and a rock-a-stack. Santana then pulled out Julie's pacifier, that of course was in a ziplock bag, due to the mom being an OCD freak when it came to her daughter.
The brunette offered the pacifier to Julie who gladly took it, and stuck it in her mouth. Santana then placed all of her toys in front of her and Julie gladly started to play with them, soon getting lost in her own little world. Santana then looked up at Quinn who was grinning at her.
She smirked at Quinn and walked past Julie, getting into bed with her girlfriend. "I just mastered everything my neighbors been trying to master for a year, in a day." Santana said, smiling in satisfaction causing Quinn to laugh. "You have a gift." She joked and Santana chuckled, "Damn straight." Santana joked proudly.
Julie then looked up at Santana and Quinn, she looked directly at Santana with adoring eyes, as if she were her entire world. Santana's heart melted at that.
For some reason Santana loved babies. It wasn't weird or anything. Santana just liked the fact that there were innocent little people; who didn't care about how you looked, or who you were. Julie didn't care that Santana had a reputation as bitchiest girl in Lima, because she didn't know any better. To her, Santana was just auntie Sanny, and sometimes auntie snix; but that was it, and Santana knew it. And for some reason, that was quite calming.
Julie held her arms out, signaling she wanted Santana to pick her up. She didn't cry, or fuss, she just waited patiently. "Aw come here." Santana said as she reached over and picked Julie up, she set her down in the middle of her and Quinn. "I know, I didn't like being away from you either." Santana joked lightly causing Quinn to laugh.
The sound of Quinn's infectious laughter caused the child to giggle, she soon started clapping, and laughing; causing her pacifier to fall out of her mouth. "You like Quinn's laugh?" Santana asked in a baby voice, "I do too, it's the most beautiful sound ever, isn't it?" Santana asked, as she poked Julie's chubby little stomach, causing her to laugh again. Quinn blushed at the fact that Santana had called her laugh beautiful.
Santana then noticed this, "Gotta admit, the kid has great taste." Santana joked and Quinn giggled. Santana tried to lean in to kiss the blonde but instead Julie wrapped her arms around Santana and gave Quinn a look. This caused their eyes to go wide. "Uh San, I think she wants you all to herself." Quinn said and Santana sat up, picking Julie up and setting her on top of her stomach.
"You want me all to yourself?" Santana asked in a baby voice, "Look at Q. and say "step off afores I ends you"." Santana said and Quinn rolled her eyes, yet laughed at how Santana mixed baby talk with Lima heights swagger. "Julie I don't care what that white lady who's had you for a year told you, I'm your mother, and you came out of that vagina. That's why you look so white." Santana said pointing at Quinn who gasped.
"Santana! You can't say things like that around a baby!" Quinn scolded and Santana rolled her eyes. "Come here pretty girl." Quinn said as she took Julie out of Santana's arms. Quinn stuck her tongue out at Julie, causing Julie to stare at her in a confused way. "Nnmmm" Quinn made a noise with her tongue stuck out. Julie then stuck her tongue out too, similar to the way Quinn did.
"Oh my god, I think you just taught her something, babe." Santana said as Quinn smiled with her tongue stuck out, and Julie did the same. They made similar faces as they stared at each other, and Santana got her phone out, and snapped a picture of the two. Discreetly saving it, she then stuffed her phone under Quinn's pillow and smiled as she watched Quinn and Julie play.
Quinn pretended to talk on Julie's play phone, causing Julie to burst into laughter for some reason. And Santana wondered if the baby knew it was fake.
"So, how long are we gonna have her for?" Quinn asked curiously, looking up at Santana who was laying on her stomach, staring at them from the bed. "Forever." Santana said simply and Quinn rolled her eyes playfully, "Gonna be pretty hard to have sex with a baby around, don't you think?" Quinn asked and Santana eyes widened in horror. "She's going back at six." Santana answered quickly and Quinn couldn't help but laugh.
"I never knew you had a soft spot for kids." Quinn said simply and Santana shrugged, "Babies are cute. I mean look at her." Santana said, staring at Julie who was making a face. Quinn sniffed the air and her eyes went wide, "Santana, I think she just pooped." Quinn said and Santana stared at her. "You don't happen to know how to change a babies diaper do you?" Santana asked sheepishly and Quinn stared at her in disbelief.
Santana then picked Julie up and set her down on the bed; reaching for her backpack as she pulled out baby wipes and a diaper.
After about twenty attempts at changing the baby's diaper, Santana finally got it. Sighing in relief as she threw the dirty diaper at Quinn who shrieked causing the baby to cry loudly. "Oh see what you did Quinn?" Santana asked and Quinn gasped. "Me?! You threw a dirty diaper at me! Who the hell does that?!" Quinn yelled and the baby started to cry louder. Santana then glared at Quinn, "Learn how to take a joke." Santana said in a hushed tone.
"Come here baby." Santana said gently and Quinn started walking towards her, forgetting that there was an actual baby present. When Santana picked up Julie, Quinn rolled her eyes as she picked up the dirty diaper, and threw it in the trash bin. Santana held the baby and moved around for her to calm down, "Sssh, your mommy Quinn's just in a bitchy mood." Santana said and Quinn glared at her once again.
"Hey wanna see something funny?" Santana asked, staring at her watch as the baby continued to cry. Santana then grabbed the dirty diaper, rushed carefully down the stairs with the baby in her arms and Quinn behind her; wondering what the hell her girlfriend was up to now. Santana then walked outside, into the front yard, bending down behind the huge bush on Quinn's lawn. Quinn furrowed her eyebrows as she bent down as well.
Santana held a crying Julie in one arm and the dirty diaper in her hand. She then spotted Quinn's neighbor from across the street. The same old man who used to yell at them for accidentally throwing their kickball on his lawn when they were younger. Santana then handed Julie to Quinn, who still was pretty confused as to why they were out there in the first place. "Make sure she sees this." Santana said, Julie was still crying and Quinn only nodded.
Santana then threw the diaper as far as she could, hitting the old man in the head with it. He nearly fell, then started yelling just as Santana and Quinn ducked back down quickly. Julie started to giggle, and Quinn laughed quietly as well. "You know kid, if resolving fights is this easy when you're around, I might consider keeping you after all." Santana said, staring at Julie who was smiling at her.
After their neighbor stopped yelling, Santana looked up to see he had went back inside. She then took Julie from Quinn, as they all walked back into the house. "Being a mom is so not hard, I don't see why your mommy is so tired all the time." Santana said in a baby voice, giving Julie an Eskimo kiss.
"You'd make a cute mom." Quinn said, staring at the two adoringly. "Let's keep her." Santana said and Quinn only gave her girlfriend a look, "We can't just keep her babe, she's not a pet." Quinn said and Santana sighed. "But she's so cute." Santana said, holding the baby up to show Quinn.
"I know, but she's already got a mom- and why the hell am I having this conversation with you? You're sixteen, you know we can't keep her." Quinn said and Santana scowled, it looked like a pout, but Santana Lopez did not pout. "Fine. But I'm gonna start babysitting her more. This kids a keeper." Santana said and Quinn rolled her eyes playfully at her girlfriend, "And so are you." Santana said softly as she leaned over to kiss Quinn, before Julie could protest. Quinn smiled widely as she blushed.
"Come on, I think she might be hungry. Maybe we have some Cheerios she might wanna eat." Quinn said and Santana smirked, "I know a cheerio I wanna eat." Santana said and Quinn rolled her eyes, swatting Santana's shoulder. "You are insufferable, you know that?" Quinn asked, an amused smile tugging at her lips.
"You love it."
Chapter 9: It's Okay
Quinn's not Brittany. But that's okay.
Her hairs blonde, she smells like expensive perfume, and she gets on your last nerve. Sometimes she ignites a raw flame that no one else can, but then she smiles at you, and suddenly that's enough to put out that awful fire. She's the same girl that made your junior year of high school a living hell; but now, looking back, she's the only one who made you feel alive at all that year. She still is, and sometimes you hate that. Because even while a lot of the time you can't stand her, you need her; and in some strange way you fell in love with her.
She's laying in your bed, naked, lighting a cigarette; and you can't help but think that she's ruining herself slowly and just doesn't realize it. But maybe she does, maybe she does realize it, she just doesn't care all that much. But then you remember that this is Quinn Fabray, and maybe you're just over looking it; but then again maybe you're not. It's Quinn and literally anything is possible when it comes to her.
You turn your head to the side and see that picture; that stupid picture you keep forgetting to take down. The picture of the other blonde that just so mercilessly fucked you up. Except she didn't mean to, because Brittany S. Pierce would never intentionally fuck you or anybody up.
You know you don't love Brittany anymore, because you've moved on, and she's with Artie now. She chose a boy in a wheelchair over you. Which is kind of ironic because you think you're pretty fucking great, and how the hell do they even have sex? But you don't think about that anymore. Because laying right next to you is a girl with blonde hair, who smells like expensive perfume; and in some weird way, you love it.
You stare at her, somewhere between thinking about her and Brittany, she put out her cigarette and she's staring back at you; she's just not saying anything. But that's not surprising, or weird; because for once in your complicated life, you don't need words. Words over complicate things, because if you don't say the right things, it can ruin everything. Which is exactly what happened between you and Brittany. You said the wrong things, and now she's gone.
With Quinn it's different. She never expects you to say anything, let alone say the right things. But when you do say things, for some reason, Quinn always understands what you're trying to say. Maybe it's because she understands what it's like to not know what to say or how to say things.
Brittany's different because she always knows what to say, and she expects you to know too. She doesn't understand that you absolutely hate lizards, and when you said that thing that ruined you two, was just your way of saying; I hate lizards and I hate words. Can we please not talk about this? But of course Brittany didn't understand, she never really understood why you couldn't talk about how you feel.
But for some odd reason, Quinn does. You start to think maybe it's because Quinn is just as fucked up as you are, so she understands.
Brittany's not fucked up, she's far from it. Brittany is soft, so beautifully safe, and everything good in this world. She practically radiates happiness, and it's really all she knows. When she's sad, she tends to get over it quickly, she never sticks on something other than happiness for too long. Maybe that's why she couldn't understand you, because you're everything but that. You are the girl that screams fuck off, and get away from me or I'll gouge your eyes out. You are the definition of angry and fucked up.
Quinn knows what it's like to be fucked up. She knows exactly what it's like to feel angry at the world for absolutely no reason, yet every reason at the same time. She even knows what it feels to constantly need to be perfect just to impress the people who don't really give a shit. Brittany doesn't understand stand that, a lot of people don't understand that. They don't understand why you used to have the constant need to impress people; whether it was your parents or kids at school. But you don't need them to understand, because Quinn understands.
She's staring at you with those huge hazel eyes of hers, saying nothing, yet you can practically hear her thinking of everything. She's saying a million words to you without so much as saying one.
That's another thing different about Quinn and Brittany. Brittany constantly had to say what was on her mind, even when you already knew. She had to tell you that it was more than just sex for her, when you already knew. She had to tell you that she wanted you more than anything, when you already knew that too.
Quinn doesn't have to constantly say what's on her mind, because you already know. You know she wants you more than anything. You know it's more than just sex for her, and she knows it's more than just sex for you. You both know it so neither of you have to say it.
You pull her close, breathing in that expensive scent you love so much. She nuzzles into you, taking in everything, trying to be as close as possible. You hold her because you need her to feel safe, you need her to know that you care about her, that she's special; without actually telling her. And the way she kisses your neck so gently (that if you weren't paying such close attention you wouldn't even have noticed) makes your heart flutter in a way that terrifies you.
And the way she interlocks your fingers together, squeezing your hand gently, let's you know that she knows your scared, because she's scared too; but it's okay. You kiss the top of her head, and it's a gesture you know you've only ever done to her, and she knows it too. Which is exactly why she pulls you in, closer, trying to be as close as possible.
She can probably hear your heart pounding, if she can, you know that she knows it's all because of her. It's all because she's amazing, and you love her, and she knows it. You can feel her heart beating too, it's loud and fast, and you know it's because of you.
You know all of these things without having to say anything, and you can't help but think that's pretty fucking great.
Quinn's not Brittany. But that's okay. Because being with Quinn is what you need, you need Quinn, and she knows that; because she needs you too. It was never supposed to end up like this, but that's okay, because you're both glad that it did.
"I love you." She says, it's shaky and even though you both have said it to each other a million times, she's still absolutely terrified you might not say it back. "I love you too." You reply gently, getting lost in everything that is Quinn Fabray. And even if you hate being lost, you can't help but feel like it's all okay.
Chapter 10: Walk away
A lot of people have walked away from Quinn Fabray in her life. Her father, her mother, Puck, her sister; but Santana Lopez will never be one of them.
A lot of people have walked away from Quinn Fabray in her life. Her father, her mother, her sister, even Puck. Ever since she was a little girl, she knew what loneliness felt like; she knew how empty it could make a person feel. But her junior year of high school was when it all really hit her; she realized who her real friends were, and she realized that it was easier for her parents to toss her aside than to acknowledge the fact that she was a human being that made mistakes.
That was the first time Quinn ever felt loneliness for what it really was. Even now, at the age twenty-three, she can remember walking out of that house; crying, pregnant, and alone. Ever since that day, Quinn has always wanted to hate her parents; but she can't. She'll never know why she doesn't hate them, considering everything they've ever put her through, parents are complicated.
The night her father kicked her out, Quinn had nowhere to go. Finn had offered to let her stay with him, but she didn't want to stay with Finn. She wanted to be with someone who really cared about her. She knew Finn really wanted to be with Rachel; and he would be with her, as soon as he found out the truth about the baby. So Quinn just shook her head and walked off, leaving a confused Finn alone.
Why she ended up at Santana's house at twelve a.m, she may never know herself. But she did. She knocked, not bothering to be quiet, because Santana's parents are always out of town; maybe she knew Santana knew what it felt like to be alone too. Then Santana had opened the door, wearing sweatpants and a teeshirt; her hair was a mess and for some reason Quinn hated it. She hated that Santana could still look perfect without even trying.
She knew she looked like a crying mess, and all she could choke out were, "They kicked me out." Santana didn't say anything, which Quinn was thankful for. Because she didn't need, anyone to say sorry, or it'll be okay, and all that crap. She needed someone to stay, someone who won't be gone when she wakes up. Why she was looking for that in Santana, she still doesn't know. But Santana didn't tell her to go away, or take the guest room. She led her upstairs, gave her warm clothes, and they got into bed.
Santana didn't say anything when Quinn nuzzled into her, she didn't protest, or get angry; she only wrapped her arms around the blonde and sighed. Almost as if she were silently saying; it sucks, I know, but I'm here. Or maybe Quinn was just hoping that was what it meant, at the time she didn't know; but later on she'd learn that she was right.
Santana didn't leave Quinn's side at all that night. She didn't get up and walk away, not even to use the bathroom. She held Quinn in her arms, and didn't say a single word.
After that, Santana became Quinn's safe haven. It was as if she was the only person who'd never walk away from Quinn, and Santana didn't mind so she never said anything. Except it meant a lot more to Quinn than she ever really expected it to; she found herself spending time with Santana, just because she wanted to be around the Latina.
When Beth was born, Santana was there. When her parents took her back, Santana was there. When Finn chose Rachel over her, Santana was there. Santana was even there when Puck chose getting laid over Quinn. It seemed as though, Quinn never mattered to any of those people. She found it so ironic how someone could tell her that they loved her, and just toss her side as if she was nothing.
But Santana never tossed Quinn aside, she never chose someone over her; not even Brittany. Whenever Quinn needed Santana, she was there, almost no words would be exchanged, as if they knew the drill.
Even now at twenty-three, Santana's still the only one there. Except now it's less complicated than it used to be, now Quinn knows why she went to Santana that night--
"Ow Santana what the hell!?" Quinn yelled, Santana had just thumped her on the head and Quinn had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't even noticed Santana was sitting so close to her. "You were making that god awful face again." Santana said and Quinn glared at her, "What face?" Quinn asked and Santana shrugged. "That face you make when you think so hard that you look like you need to take a dump." Santana said simply causing the blonde to roll her eyes.
"You're a bitch." Quinn said and Santana smirked, "Not what you were saying last ni--" Santana couldn't even finish her sentence before she was being swatted on the shoulder by Quinn. "Ow!" Santana winced as she scowled. "Stop being such a teenage boy, it doesn't suit you." Quinn said simply and Santana rolled her eyes, "It doesn't suit you." Santana said in a mocking tone.
"You're a child." Quinn said and Santana shrugged, "Well you had your fingers, knuckles deep inside of this child last night then." Santana said teasingly and Quinn gasped, swatting Santana again. "You have no shame do you?" Quinn asked and Santana smirked, "You do know who you're talking to right?" Santana asked and Quinn smirked in return.
"Boobs McGee?" Quinn asked and Santana's eyes went wide, "I haven't been called that since high school! Damn Fabgay, bringing back memories." Santana said smiling causing Quinn to roll her eyes playfully. "There's no insulting you is there?" Quinn asked and Santana shrugged, "Everything you can think of, I've probably already been called." Santana admitted simply and Quinn laughed. "Sue used to call tweedle-fake boobs." Quinn said, laughing causing Santana to laugh.
"She used to call me everything. Every awful nickname I used to have, Sue came up with." Santana said, rolling her eyes, yet smiling at the sound of her old coaches name. She'd be lying if she said she didn't miss her, which came as a shocker to Santana herself.
They fell into a small, comfortable silence and Santana stared at the blonde. "Seriously though, what were you thinking about so hard earlier before I thumped you?" Santana asked causing Quinn to stare at her and shrug. "Everything. You mainly." Quinn answered simply and Santana smirked, "Were you thinking about how tomorrow we're trying out those handcuffs I borrowed from Kurt and Blaine?" Santana asked, wiggling her eyebrows causing Quinn to roll her eyes, and swat her shoulder again; but an amused smile hinted at her face.
"No, but thanks for the visual I'm not gonna get a peaceful night sleep. Thinking about you handcuffed." Quinn said, in a low husky voice. "Wait, if you weren't thinking about taking me on our kitchen table, then what were you thinking about?" Santana asked curiously and Quinn shrugged. "High school." Quinn said bluntly and Santana made a face, "High school sucked, don't let it bring your mood down. I mean we ended up fine, we're living off old takeout and barely paying our rent, but we're fine." Santana said and Quinn giggled as she rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't thinking about the bad things, San. I was thinking about all of those nights when you held me and you didn't walk away." Quinn said, smiling softly at the Latina. Santana tried to hide the smile that was forming on her face with an eye roll, "Of course I didn't walk away, you clung onto me so tightly half of the time, I couldn't even get up to pee." Santana joked and Quinn rolled her eyes.
"That's not what I meant." Quinn said, causing Santana to tilt her head at the blonde. "Than what did you mean?" She asked curiously and Quinn shrugged. "I meant that every time I'd show up at your house unexpectedly, or something would happen; you'd be there. You never just walked away suddenly." Quinn said and Santana stared at her.
"We were both oblivious as hell back then weren't we?" Santana asked jokingly and Quinn smiled. "No, I think I always knew that I loved you. You were the only one that gave me that rush, you know? The only one that actually stuck around long enough, to give me that rush." Quinn said, and Santana smiled. "Of course I did. I knew you were special then, just like I know you're still special now. I may have been a self centered asshole half of the time in high school, but I knew you were too extraordinary to ever let go of." Santana said seriously and Quinn smiled.
"Aww San! You're becoming a sap!" Quinn said, ignoring the tears in her eyes. "You're the one crying!" Santana said and Quinn giggled through her tears as she jumped into Santana's arms. "I love you." Quinn said gently as Santana wrapped her arms around her. "I love you too."
And for once in her life, Quinn found someone who actually meant it. She may have ended up with a girlfriend who acts like a fifteen year old boy, half of the time, but she's hot. And Quinn loves her, or whatever.
So yes, a lot of people have walked away from Quinn Fabray in her life. Her father, her mother, Puck, her sister; but Santana Lopez will never be one of them.
Chapter 11: All this time
Based on OneRepublic's song "All this time".
Santana Lopez was not a runner. She hated running, more than anything. Even at five years old, she hated it. Usually children loved running, and jumping, yet Santana hated it. It wasn't because she was inactive, she was one of the most active children ever; she just hated running. When everyone in her class would play tag and chase each other, she would sit at the swings, swinging back and fourth. Wondering why the hell everyone was running.
"Tag!" A soft little voice said, nudging Santana on the shoulder. This caused the five year old Latina to look up, quirking an eyebrow. She had a scowl on her face, but that was normal. "No." Was all Santana said before turning her attention back to her shoes as she swung her legs back and fourth, going a bit higher on the swing. "But those are the rules! You tag someone and you play." The blonde little girl said matter of factly.
"I'm not playing." Santana responded bluntly. "But why? It's fun!" The voice said again and Santana sighed exasperatedly, finally looking up and turning her head. She saw Quinn Fabray standing in front of her. Santana didn't know her all that well. But what she did know was that she had just moved to Lima, and Quinn was now living in the big house across the street from hers. "What's so fun about it? You run after someone and touch them, then they have to do the same to you. It's a waste of energy." Santana said. Even at five years old, she had somehow sounded like a sarcastic adult.
"Have you ever even played?" Quinn asked, challenging the brunette. Santana rolled her eyes as she stared at Quinn, "Of course I've played." Santana said and Quinn crossed her arms. "I don't believe you." She said and Santana gave her a look, "I don't care." She said bluntly as she turned her attention back to swinging.
"Maybe you're just afraid you won't be able to catch me." Quinn said, challenging her again. This caused Santana to look up, "I'm not afraid of anything. And I can catch you if I wanted to." Santana said and Quinn crossed her arms, thinking about what to say next. "Prove it!" Quinn yelled as she ran off, Santana didn't really know what happened next. All of a sudden she was jumping off the swing, as if her feet were making the decisions for her, and chasing Quinn.
She was running fast, her heart was starting to pound, and the wind was running through her long blackish hair. Quinn looked over her shoulder, still running and turned back to stare in front of her after she saw Santana was running after her. She smiled as she ran in a straight line, and Santana followed her, running in a straight line.
Santana finally caught up to Quinn, nudging her, a bit harder than she intended to. Quinn fell down, causing Santana to trip over her and fall on top of her. She rolled off of the blonde, who was laughing loudly, and Santana stared at her, her heart pounding. For some reason, Quinn's laugh wasn't as annoying as all of the other kids in her class.
Quinn was still laughing as Santana was trying to catch her breath. "That was the most tiring thing I've ever done." Santana said, out of breath. "My names Santana." She said breathlessly, remembering that she had forgotten to introduce herself. "I know." Quinn replied, still giggling. "I'm Quinn." She replied, just as breathless. "I know." Santana said, starting to laugh.
"Tag!" Noah yelled, tagging Santana. "I'm not playing with you Puck! I'm playing with Quinn!" Santana said, scaring the young boy off. Quinn laughed even more, "Why is everyone so scared of you?" She asked still laughing. "Because I hate running after people and I hate it even more when they ask me to!" She said, and Quinn laughed. "But you ran after me." Quinn pointed out, causing Santana to make a face.
She didn't exactly know why she had ran after Quinn, but she didn't hate it as much as when she chased the other kids. Santana never gave Quinn an answer, instead she silently agreed with herself that she still hated running; but running after Quinn wasn't so bad.
Ever since that day, Santana and Quinn had became best friends. They were practically inseparable. It was a weird pair, one girl was sassy and hated just about everything, and the other was bubbly and really liked to laugh. Santana hated laughing, but Quinn's laugh wasn't so bad. Quinn made her want to laugh. And she didn't even mind that Quinn's favorite thing to do was run, even if she hated it. Because running to Quinn wasn't so bad.
(Nine years later)
If five year old Santana hated running, fourteen year old Santana despised it. Especially when Coach Sylvester made them run two miles every other day. Quinn was always the one to finish first, Santana being second. But she didn't mind, normally she would but when it came to Quinn, behind second was okay.
She would always run, being way in front of the other girls on the cheer squad. Every time she'd wanna give up, she would hear Quinn cheering for her, yelling to her; just a little more San! And suddenly those words would give her a boost of energy. So she'd run that track, running to Quinn who was always waiting for her at the end, smiling at her.
If she thought running after Quinn made running seem okay, running to Quinn made it twice as more okay. She still hated it, but like what was said before, when it came to Quinn, it was okay.
Santana thought it was weird, to have someone who made all of the bad things, seem okay. But she liked it. It was as if, Quinn was her sunshine (as sappy as that sounds), she was always there to brighten up the things that seemed the darkest. Even though Quinn was the second meanest girl in school (the first being herself, of course.) somehow with Santana it was different. It was always different.
Quinn was always that bright cheerful girl around Santana. And sure, Santana was still that girl with the scowl on her face that hated everything; but she was also still the girl who'd run a million miles for Quinn. No matter what.
But Santana had noticed something along the lines of growing up with Quinn Fabray. As she got older, it wasn't only the running that made her heart race, it was also Quinn. But sometimes Santana was so focused on the fact that her heart was racing, she never realized Quinn's heart was racing too.
Freshman year was easy, it was sophomore year that hit the girls really hard. Quinn had gotten pregnant, and months before that she outed Santana for getting a boob job. Quinn didn't really know where it all went wrong; neither did Santana. Maybe it was the way Brittany would stare at Santana, those longing looks that really pissed Quinn off.
Yet she didn't really know why they pissed her off, or maybe she did.
Without Santana, Quinn had never felt more lonely. She was pregnant, alone, and her parents had kicked her out. It had been months since she actually had a conversation with the brunette, but there she was standing outside of her front door. She had been crying all night, in desperate need of someone-- not just anyone, she needed Santana.
Quinn knocked on the door, knowing Santana's parents were never home. She practically lived alone. Santana opened the door, her usual scowl on her face. But once she saw that Quinn was crying, her face softened a bit. "They- They-" Quinn couldn't even finish her sentence before Santana was cutting her off with a sigh. "I know. Come in." Santana said, already knowing what Quinn was going to say.
Santana knew Quinn's parents kicked her out, she heard them shouting all night. She was pretty sure everyone in the neighborhood heard it.
So Santana let Quinn stay with her for about six months, till her parents took her back. Every night would be the same, she'd hold Quinn, not saying anything, and let her fall asleep. She'd listen to Quinn talk about everything, about how sorry she was for what she did. Santana only sighed in response and stroked the blondes hair, as if she were silently saying that it was okay.
Once Quinn had gone back home, Santana thought that was the end of it. She swore that she'd never do anything like that for Quinn Fabray again. But when the hospital had called her (she was Quinn's emergency contact after all) they told her that Quinn had just gone into labor, and she found herself running all the way to the hospital.
Quinn was an awful drunk. She never had good experiences with being drunk. Yet here she was, sitting in the passenger seat of Santana's car, drunk out of her mind. She stared at the Latina for awhile, while Santana watched the road.
Santana had came out months ago, and she knew it was because of Brittany. It was all for Brittany, at least that's what Quinn thought. "You're so lucky to love something that loves you." Quinn mumbled drunkly, causing Santana to glance at her. She knew Quinn was talking about Brittany, and she wanted to scream; You're an idiot, I'd never run a million miles just to get to Brittany; I'd do it for you.
But Santana didn't say anything, she knew Quinn was drunk, and she didn't want to make her cry. Because watching Quinn cry was awful. As Santana pulled into her driveway, she turned off the car.
Quinn stared at her for awhile, not moving. Suddenly she nudged Santana's shoulder, "Tag!" She yelled as she fumbled to get the car door open as she ran. She ran down the street and Santana started to chase her. "Lucy Quinn Fabray you stop running this instant!" Santana yelled angrily way too tired for this shit, "Don't be so afraid to catch me San!" Quinn yelled drunkly as she continued to run. She almost fell a lot of times, but she kept her balance somehow as Santana chased her down their street.
She finally caught Quinn and practically tackled her onto their neighbor's lawn. She was out of breath, they both were. Quinn stared at her and smiled sadly, "You caught me." Quinn said and Santana rolled her eyes. "I'll always catch you, dumbass." Santana mumbled as she stood up, holding a hand out for Quinn to take.
It had been a whole year since Santana and Quinn spoken last. Quinn needed to get herself together, and Santana needed to get over her feelings for her. But here they were, drunk at Mr. Schue's wedding. They had been dancing and giggling all night.
Neither of them really had talked about anything in particular. They both had so much they wanted to say, so many words they both knew they could never ever say to anyone else. Quinn wanted to say them, but staring at Santana, she suddenly had forgotten how to speak.
They slow danced and Quinn smiled, she wasn't very drunk, she was very tipsy though. "I've never slow danced with a girl before. I like it." Quinn admitted, causing Santana to pull away from her, and give her an amused smile. Quinn smiled back and in that moment all she could see was Santana, and all Santana saw was Quinn.
Neither of them really said anything, but Quinn started to lean in; not caring if anyone saw. Santana closed her eyes and started leaning in too. As their lips connected, Quinn felt everything. Every emotion she repressed, every word she wanted to say, every smile they exchanged, every look. They pulled away and stared at each other, neither of them saying anything.
But that was okay. Because they could both see everything in each other's eyes. Almost as if they were silently exchanging thoughts. Quinn grabbed Santana's hand and started to lead her out, ignoring all the looks they got from all their past glee members. They walked into the hallway that Quinn's room was in.
Quinn let go of Santana's hand and started running, and like always, Santana chased her. They laughed and giggled as they both ran down the long hallway, Santana occasionally yelling playfully at Quinn; neither of them caring if they were disturbing the other guest.
When Santana finally caught up to Quinn, she kissed the blonde passionately as Quinn opened the room door, and they both stumbled into it. Quinn kicked the door behind her.
Santana always found herself at these things. Always helping her friends save the glee club, she didn't really know why. It's not like she loved any of them, plus she hated seeing Quinn with her new boyfriend; and Quinn hated seeing Santana with her new girlfriend.
They had gotten into an argument earlier that morning because Quinn told Santana's girlfriend off and pushed her into a dumpster, and all Quinn responded with was; She's a jerk and you can do better. Before walking away, leaving Santana standing there dumbfounded.
Later on that day Quinn had found Santana staring at their old Cheerios pictures, in the trophy case in the locker room. Santana stared intensely at the old picture, she had been hugging Brittany, smiling widely.
"She's forgiven us for everything that we did right?" Quinn asked, snapping Santana out of her thoughts. "Along time ago, besides I think we did her a favor; Sam is her soulmate." Santana said bluntly, smiling lightly and Quinn only stared at her. "And who's yours? Dani?" She asked and Santana only took a shaky breath. "She's going back to New York, alone." She said and Quinn only stared at her.
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna blow this place too, unless there's a reason for me to stay. Cause I know who my soulmate is." Quinn said softly and Santana only turned her head to stare at her. Santana knew what she was saying, and Santana sighed. "You wouldn't want me, I'm terrible at having a relationship that has any type of level of honesty." Santana said and Quinn stared at her.
"I love you." Quinn said, finally saying the three words she's always wanted to say. They made Santana's entire body stiffen, "I've always loved you, and I think that's why I've always pushed you away, every chance I could. But I don't wanna do that anymore." She added and Santana gave her a look.
"Then what do you want Quinn?" Santana asked and Quinn looked down for a moment, before looking back into the Latina's eyes. "I want you to ask me to stay. Because the truth is there's only one girl you've ever been completely honest with." Quinn said and Santana looked down.
"Just tell me to stay." Quinn added and Santana only stared at her shoes, not saying a word.
Quinn then sighed, feeling her heart sink as she walked past Santana and out of the locker room. She walked with her hands in her skirt pockets down the hallway of the school, passing teenagers as she walked by. All of a sudden she heard heals clicking behind her quickly, she turned her head to see Santana running to her, pushing her way past all the teenagers. Quinn turned around, and Santana stopped as she was face to face with Quinn.
"I didn't get a chance to tell you, that I love you too." Santana said breathlessly and Quinn smiled widely as grabbed Santana's face and kissed her passionately. Santana immediately kissed back, forgetting about everyone else in the hallway. After the pulled away, Quinn hugged Santana tightly, and Santana hugged back.
Chapter 12: Love
It's such a simple word. Yet it's not simple at all.
Silence. Silence is all Quinn wanted to hear. She didn't care about what was going on in her life, or in her brain; she just wanted silence. So here she was, on a park bench all alone. She had never really been there before; it wasn't a spot with any kind of sentimental value to her, but it was quiet. And God knows how much Quinn needed quiet on a day like this.
Another day of endless thoughts circling her mind.
She really just needed to be alone. It's weird really, Quinn thinks back to the time she was younger; back when "Lucy" was who she was. Just a young naive, lonely girl who wanted so desperately to be popular. Her only wish was to never be alone again.
Quinn scoffed as she remembered how much Lucy hated being alone. She shook her head slightly. A part of her would do anything to go back and just be alone for a couple of days; weeks even. But the other part of her knows it's not that simple, and pushing forward is a hell of a lot more effective than going backwards. And the more forward she went on, the closer she got to making it out of this useless town.
She knew in a way Lima was a big reason on why she was so unhappy. After all small towns are known to run you down, and dry; but Quinn wasn't worried about being stuck here, she was determined to make it out. She'd be dammed if she didn't.
Even though Lima was technically all she knew, Quinn knew it wasn't what she was supposed to know for the rest of her life. There wasn't anyone here who needed her, and she didn't need anyone here either. Well, everyone except for one person.
Quinn sighed, she didn't wanna think about Santana right now. But in a way Santana was all she ever thought about lately. The Latina clouded up her thoughts so much lately, Quinn could barely even think straight; it was infuriating in a way. But in another way, Quinn's heart started racing whenever she even heard or thought of the raven haired girls name. Heck, all it took was so much as glance from Santana and Quinn's heart would race like she had just gotten done running a marathon.
There were just so many effects Santana had on her and she really didn't know why— well, she did know why, but she refused to believe it. Quinn wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what the feeling was. There was such an easy explanation for why Santana made her feel the way she does; it was so simple, even one word could explain it all.
Love. Love was the second thing on Quinn's mind. The four little word that had a million different meanings; the little word that made her wanna run and take cover, hiding from the word and all it's chaos. Because believe it or not, love was chaos; at least in Quinn's eyes it was. She knew exactly what that word was capable of; all the tricky things that came along with using that word, and all the unnecessary discussions surrounding it. It was just too much.
"Is this seat taken?" A soft unfamiliar voice asked, pulling Quinn out of her overwhelming thoughts. She looked up, and saw an elderly woman standing in front of her. She then shook her head quickly, "No, go ahead, sit." Quinn said lightly, smiling politely at the stranger. The woman smiled back, as she took a seat on the bench next to Quinn.
They sat in silence for the first few minutes. Quinn didn't really bother saying anything, she didn't really feel like starting up useless conversation.
"You look like you've got quiet a few things on your mind." The woman said, snapping Quinn out of her thoughts for the second time that day. The teen then scoffed, "You don't know the half of it." She said tiredly, not even bothering to protest against what the woman had said, like she usually would. "Try me." The woman said, raising an eyebrow at the younger girl.
"You don't wanna hear about all my problems. You don't even know me." Quinn said, and the woman shrugged, "I'm Nancy, and you are?" She asked curiously. "I'm Quinn. It's nice to meet you, Nancy." She said, introducing herself politely, and Nancy smiled. "It's nice to meet you too." She said simply, "But now we know each other; so you shouldn't feel uncomfortable with telling me your problems." She said, and Quinn couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
She thought about it for a moment, she couldn't really find anything wrong with telling this random lady was was on her mind. After all, it's not like Nancy knew her in any type of way. Quinn then shrugged, "Fine, but if I start talking your ear off, don't hesitate to tell me to put a sock in it." She joked, and Nancy let out a laugh. "Don't worry, I won't." She said back, and Quinn only nodded.
She then took a deep breath as she started, "So there's this girl, and she's kind of the whole reason I'm here right now." She said, and Nancy only stared at her. "A girl?" She asked, and Quinn nodded, "Her name is Santana, and we've been best friends since we were five." She explained, and Nancy nodded, signaling for her to continue. "We grew up together, and there hasn't been a time in my life that I can't look back, and not see Santana. She's always been there; the only person I've been able to truly lean on, and the only person who's seen the real side of me." She said in a calm voice, as she stared at the elder woman.
"When we were younger, we were inseparable. She never left my side, and I never left hers. Before I had met Santana, I was always alone; I had an older sister, but she was already in high school by the time I was four. She never really paid much attention to me, so for the most part I was alone; till I started school, and Santana came along." Quinn said, she couldn't help the small smile that spread across her face as she remembered the first time her and Santana met.
"I remember thinking that she was like a wish come true. Because when I was little, I used to wish for a friend, all the time. I wish for someone who protected me from the bigger bullies in my neighborhood, and someone who didn't ask why my parents were never really around. And Santana was exactly that; except better. And throughout elementary, and middle school, it was always only us and Brittany of course. She's my other best friend, but she didn't come into the picture till way later." Quinn explained simply.
"It was always so easy around Santana though, she always made me feel so comfortable, like I could talk about anything around her and she would never judge me. Everything was normal and great, till freshman year. We started high school, and as soon as we joined the cheer team we became the most popular girls in school. It was great till I realized that Santana was different." She said bluntly.
"Not in a bad way; even though Santana was pretty mean, she was always like that, even as kids. But something about her was different, and I spent the first three months of freshman year trying to figure it out." She said, as she looked away, "And then one day we got in trouble by our coach for pulling a prank on one of the teacher aids, so she made us run seven extra laps. While we were changing in the locker room, Santana asked me if her bra looked too tight..." She said, trailing off for a moment, "Then I looked, and suddenly it was like I was in a trance. I didn't look way right away, I didn't want to." She said, pausing for a second.
"Santana made a joke about me staring for a long time, and I didn't even answer her. I got so embarrassed and overwhelmed, that I left, without saying anything else. I got the hell out of there as fast as I could." She said, as she continued, "I was fourteen, I didn't know what the hell I was feeling, or why I didn't look away as soon as I should've. I remember thinking about her all night; she kept calling, and I didn't answer. I was just so— so confused, but then she came over the next day and we she kissed me. And that's where it all started." Quinn said, as she looked over at Nancy who was just listening intently.
"After that, we started kissing a lot, and making out and doing other stuff. We didn't tell anybody, because we were afraid of what everyone at school would think. See, I thought at first, that my feelings towards her were purely physical attraction. I never thought that I could even in the slightest, fall for her. But then I would see the boys at school flirting with her, and taking her on dates; and I just— I would just think, about how much I wanted to be the one to do all of those things with her." She said, as she looked down for a moment, "I felt selfish. I knew I already got a side of her that no one else ever got to see, and I had her in ways the guys at school didn't. But I-I wanted more." Quinn admitted.
"I wanted to be the one to take her to breadstix for dinner, and I wanted to hold her hand, and kiss her cheek in the hallways. But I was scared. I could never tell Santana what I really wanted, so I didn't. I just let guys take her on dates, and after she'd get home, we'd sleep together. And sometimes, she'd stay, and she'd hold me; and it would make it seem not so bad. It was moments like those that made me want to tell her everything." She said, smiling sadly at the ground for a moment.
"It continued that way throughout freshman and sophomore year. But then junior year hit, and Santana came out of the closet; and surprisingly everyone was okay with it. She came out, and nobody slushied her, well, because they were afraid of her, but still. And then there was me, Quinn. Same old, boring, predictable, "straight" Quinn. And nothing changed for me, except now I watched girls flirt with her instead. Which of course made me even angrier for some reason, and I waned to claw most of their eyes out." She admitted sheepishly.
"She changed a lot after she came out. She stopped being so mean, she wasn't so angry at the world anymore; she wasn't angry at herself. She was so much happier, and when she was happy, I was happy. But there always a part of me, that was envious, in a weird way. Not of her, but at her feelings. I wanted to feel that; I wanted to feel that feeling of relief, like a seven hundred pound weight was being lifted off my shoulders— that's how I imagine it would feel." Quinn explained further, and throughout it all, Nancy never stopped listening.
"Sometimes I feel like the universe is giving me a perfect moment to tell her everything, but then I start thinking about— well, everything! And I started contemplating what would happen if I told her, if I said that little word that I've been wanting to say for years now. If I said that short sentence, those three words— three simple words. So easy, yet so hard." Quinn finished, as she continued looking down. Nancy was quiet for awhile, taking in and processing everything Quinn had just said.
"You just spent an hour talking about how in love you are with a girl who's been your best friend for more than half of your life. A girl who you've been sleeping with, throughout most of your teenage years. And I know, how you feel now, but there's still a question that remains. How does she feel about you?" Nancy asked, and Quinn looked up at her.
"I don't know. I don't know how Santana feels about me. I don't know if she's in love with me, but I do know she loves me. I know she cares about me more than she cares about anyone in this world; because she's said it. She doesn't say it all the time, because that's not the type of people we are, but she shows it a lot." Quinn said simply.
"How does she show it?" Nancy asked, and Quinn shrugged, "In a lot of ways. Sometimes she lets me have the last slice of pizza, Santana isn't the kind of person that just lets anyone have the last slice of pizza. I'm the only person she has patience with, and trust me, Santana and patience don't belong in the same sentence. Sometimes she lets me win at candy land when I'm down, it's my favorite game, and she's the most competitive person in the world. Santana Lopez doesn't let anyone win; at anything. She brings me coffee every morning, she helps me clean my house on Sunday's when my parents are gone; because she knows I hate cleaning. She even has the key to my house because I always forget mine." Quinn said, a smile then tugged at her lips.
"Cuddles. She cuddles with me every night, she holds me in her arms like it's what she was put on the planet to do. Because I love cuddles; but she hates them. That's how I know Santana Lopez loves me; but there's really no way of knowing if she's in love with me." Quinn said the last part quietly, feeling hopeless to the entire situation.
"Honey, how old are you?" Nancy asked, and Quinn furrowed her eyebrows, "I'm sixteen. Why?" She asked, clearly confused. "I'm seventy-six." The elder woman said, and Quinn only stared at her to continue, "The only man I've ever been married to was a man who I didn't really love. Well, I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him." She started, and before Quinn could respond, Nancy continued. "I grew up in Michigan, my brother had a best friend named Randy; as we got older he started flirting with me. At first I found it weird, and odd; till one day, I found myself smiling at his pointless flirting." She said, smiling a bit at the memory.
"Then, it slowly became something I looked forward to. He flirted with me for three years, trying to ask me on dates, that I would always say no to. Then one night, I went on a date with a boy from church, his name was Mark, and it was awful. The entire time, for some reason, I was thinking about Randy; and how much I would have rather been with him." She admitted, and Quinn only stared at her, listening intently, just like Nancy had done with her earlier.
"So that night, I went home and I told myself that when Randy asked me out tomorrow, like he did every day, I'd finally say yes to him. Then the next morning, I woke up, got ready, and went to school like I usually did. I expected for him to be in the courtyard, waiting for me where he usually waited, but he wasn't. I walked into school, and saw him holding hands with Julie Reyes. Turns out while I had been on a date with Mark, Randy and Julie hit it off at a party." Nancy said, her face then growing a bit serious, "I ended up going on twelve other bad dates with Mark, and then after high school, I married him." She admitted bittersweetly.
"What happened to Randy?" Quinn asked, her voice barely above a whisper, "He married Julie and moved across the country." She said bluntly, and Quinn frowned. "To this day, I'll never know if Randy was or could have been my soulmate." Nancy added, and Quinn stayed quiet for awhile. "My point is, you can't just wait till you're ready for someone; because odds are you never will be. And if you wait too long, your opportunity at having what you want, slips away. Feelings like yours, they don't just happen for no reason; and they aren't meant to be ignored. Don't let her slip away, because she could be your great love." Nancy said, as she stood up.
"And trust me, in a life in a world like this, there's barely even good ones, let alone great ones." Nancy added once more, as she began to walk away, leaving Quinn sitting there for a moment. "Nancy." She called out, causing the older woman to turn her head, and stare at the blonde. "Thank you." She added, with a small smile on her face. "I'm here every Saturday afternoon, anytime." Nancy said, as she smiled back at Quinn, and then walked off.
The blonde sat there for a moment more, taking in everything she had just discussed, and heard. After about seven minutes of reflecting, Quinn stood up and started walking away from the park; in a direction she knew all too well. She kept her head down as she walked, still thinking about everything. Her thoughts were overwhelming, but she knew she's already let them control her enough; she she didn't dare stop walking or turn around.
She finally approached a familiar house, and her heart raced as she walked up to the porch. Her legs were starting to tremble a bit, but she took a shaky breath, and knocked on the door. She waited for about two minutes, and then the door opened, bringing her face to face with Santana.
"Q? What are you doing? And why did you knock? You have a key." Santana reminded her, and Quinn looked down for a moment. She had lost her voice, and all the confidence she thought she had a second ago, was suddenly gone. "Are you okay?" Santana asked after Quinn didn't answer, Quinn could hear the concern in her voice; which made her heart race even faster. When Quinn still didn't answer, Santana grew even more worried.
"Quinn? Seriously, what the hell is wrong?" She asked, her voice laced with anticipation. "I love you." Quinn blurted out, and Santana furrowed her eyebrows, "I love you too, weirdo." She said, and Quinn sighed, as she shook her head. "No— you don't get it." She said, and Santana flashed her another confused look, clearly not understanding what Quinn was trying to say.
"I love you, Santana." She said again, "I love you so much. And it's not, that simple kind of love that Finn and Rachel have, or that basically any other couple at our school has. It's the kind of love that makes me get into a car again, after a traumatic accident. The kind of love that is there for me when my parents get into a fight again, or the kind of love that is there when my dad gets drunk. The love that makes you hold me till the morning, because your arms are enough to make me feel like I'm in the best place in the world. The kind of love that makes me scared, and confused for three years." Quinn said, pausing as she took a breath and stared at Santana, who's face expression for the first time was unreadable for Quinn.
"The same kind of love that gave me enough courage to stand here right now, and tell you how extraordinarily different this love is. Because it's not just a typical high school love; it's a great love. You, are a great love, my great love. And it took me years to say it, because I was afraid of that little word, with the not so little meaning." Quinn said, pouring her heart out to Santana, not even giving her any time to comprehend what was going on.
"I wanna get into stupid arguments, and make up, and then go on dates, and hold your hand on the way to glee club, or cheer practice. I wanna kiss your cheek in front of everyone, so they know that what we have is real. I don't just wanna have you at night, or when we're alone; I wanna have you forever. I wanna have you till I'm seventy-six, and wrinkly, but it's okay because you'll still think I'm pretty, and I'll always think you're gorgeous." Quinn continued to verbalize everything that she had kept in her head for years now, taking Santana by even more surprise.
"I love you, San, I'm in love with you. I have been since I was fourteen; I've just been too afraid of the outcome to ever tell you. But I realized, that I don't wanna wait till you meet Julie Reyes at a party, and fall in love with her, then forget all about me. Because I wanna be yours, not anyone else's, yours." Quinn finished venting, every word had been more sincere than the last, as she stared at Santana.
They stood in silence for a little while, Santana was taking in everything Quinn had just said, letting every word set in slowly. When Santana didn't say anything after three minutes, Quinn's heart fell.
"And I just made a complete ass of myself." Quinn mumbled, and Santana started to laugh. "And now you're laughing at me?!" Quinn asked, as she got a bit angry, but Santana only continued to laugh.
"Seriously, it's not funny, Santana." She said, growing even angrier at the Latina. "Quinn, do you know how long I've waited for you to tell me that you were in love with me?" Santana asked, and Quinn froze. "I've been waiting for what? Two years now. It's about damn time, Q." Santana joked, and Quinn only stood there, looking very confused. "Did you just say that you've been waiting for me to tell you, I love you?" She asked slowly, trying to make sure she had heard her correctly.
"Well, yeah. Quinn, you don't honestly think that I've just been fucking you for three years without having any kind of feelings for you, do you?" Santana asked bluntly, and Quinn only stood there, "I'm so fucking lost right now." The blonde mumbled, and Santana couldn't help but let out another laugh. "Okay, how about I put it, in words you'll understand? Quinn, I'm in love with you too." She said, and Quinn's eyes went wide.
She didn't say anything for a really long time, causing Santana to grow a tad bit worried. "You okay?" She asked, and Quinn stared at her some more, "I just found out the love of my life is in love with me too; I'm far from okay." Quinn admitted, and Santana laughed again. "Just shut up and kiss me, you weirdo." She half-joked, and Quinn couldn't help but start to smile. She then grabbed Santana's face, and pulled her in, kissing her lips passionately.
After a few moments, Santana pulled away slightly, staring at Quinn as the blonde's eyes fluttered open, "Quinn?" She asked, "Yeah?" Quinn asked in return. "Who the hell is Julie Reyes?" She asked, remembering what Quinn had said before, causing Quinn to laugh, "It's a really long story." She admitted, as she pulled Santana in again, for another kiss.