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Cosmic Karma

Chapter Text

It starts as it always starts.

Spock watches through the eyes of another. The landscape is soothingly familiar. Vulcan’s Forge in all its harshness. Spock would recognise it even if his other self did not.

But he is not concerned with the landscape. It is the activity upon it that holds his attention. Or rather, the activity of one particular figure.

Some distance away from where he stands, a group of Vulcans are heading towards a waiting shuttle. Not ordinary Vulcans though. They are outcasts, leaving Vulcan forever to forge their own destiny.

Each individual carries a holdall or bag containing those few possessions too precious to leave. They walk at a steady pace, neither too anxious to leave nor over willing to stay. Except one.

The figure Spock is watching is not walking at a uniform pace. In fact, as he watches she falls to the back of the little group and then simply stops. She stands motionless for several long breaths before turning. Even though the distance is too great to see, Spock already knows she has the rarity of blue eyes.

Then she drops her bag and runs back to him. He braces himself for the impact but does not move to meet her.

She flings her arms about him in a constricting embrace.

“I can’t leave you. I can’t! I’ll change. I’ll adopt the ways of Surak. I’ll do anything but leave you.”

He stands still and swallows before he can find his voice to reply.

“Your very reason for staying is in contradiction of the principles of Surak. It is logical for you to leave.”

The woman looks up, her blue eyes bright with tears, and Spock sees her heart break.

*

Spock opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling in his quarters.

He always awoke at this point in the dream and, for all its familiarity, the dream never failed to leave him discomposed. It was not true that Vulcans do not dream however their dreams were treated as logically as their emotions. That was, they could be controlled. These dreams however, could not.

This dream was one of several similar examples that played like a memory, unalterable in its telling. Spock had tried on previous nights to alter details, either simple acts like the regularity of his blinking or even attempting to change its conclusion. It had proved impossible.

Most dreams were comprehensible – a representation from his subconscious mind of an issue he failed to deal with or take sufficient note of during the day. They have provided an additional opportunity to analyse a situation. These dreams linked to nothing from his previous activities that he could tell.

The most worrying aspect however, was the illogical nature of them. He both knows he is Spock and knows that he is not. He was aware even the first time he experienced this dream of what would happen and who the participants were. There was no reason the first time that he should have known those Vulcans were the early Romulan settlers. Certainly no way he should have known the woman’s eyes were vivid blue. And no reason he should believe with utter certainty that she was Doctor McCoy.

Yet, just as in each dream he knew himself, regardless of his appearance, so too does he infallibly recognise McCoy, irrespective of gender or culture.

Spock pulled himself out of bed and headed into his bathroom.

This was in part why he had not reported this dream, nor any of the other similar ones, to the doctor. It is of course advisable to alert the CMO to any unusual changes that he experiences. Yet, they are still only dreams, even if they are unusual. They do not impact on his day to day duties. All it would serve to do is worry the emotional human.

And admitting that he believed his partner in the dreams was the doctor would be… inadvisable at the present time.

Spock’s relationship with the doctor seemed to be in a period of transformation. Spock had finally realised that McCoy’s aggressive rants were not actually the result of genuine anger with the Vulcan, but were in fact a sign of his concern. McCoy believes that Spock would be happier if he gave more acknowledgment to his human half and he expressed this the only way he knew how.

Spock wondered if the doctor now recognised that Spock’s stern admonishments were also the result of concern rather than disapproval – that Spock himself thought that McCoy would be better off if he was less at the mercy of his emotions.

Spock wasn’t sure what their relationship was transforming into, only that he did not want to damage it by informing McCoy that in his dreams they always ended up broken apart.

As Spock finished his ablutions, he considered the possibility that it was this transition that prompted the start of the dreams. It was true that the one common feature was always the doctor in various forms. And they began shortly after his return from Bajor when McCoy both evinced pleasure at his return and interest in helping Spock study the data he returned with.

The trip had been fascinating. His father had invited him to join him since he was travelling there as Ambassador to suggest the possibility of Bajor joining the Federation of Planets. While that had not come to anything, Spock’s scientific research had provided sufficient information to keep him occupied a long while. Bajor was one of the oldest civilisations in the quadrant and he had been fortunate that his connection with the Ambassador allowed him to meet the leader of the Vedek Assembly – the Kai.

As he stepped out of his quarters to go to the mess hall for breakfast, he ran through his day’s schedule. Today he had bridge duty early followed by an afternoon in the science labs. Doctor McCoy had suggested meeting him there to help him researching the cultural similarities between the Bajoran artefact he’d been gifted and artefacts from other civilisations.

Spock tried to shake the unsettled feeling the dream’s conclusion left him with. It was after all illogical to consider the dream as any manner of premonition.