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Wooing For Winchesters

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From the wastebin of a cheap motel somewhere in the U. S. of A.


Angel Courting 101 Wooing for Winchesters

a Handy-dandy Guide for All Those Chuckleheads Who Try To Court an Angel (That means you, Dean.)

 by Sam and Gabriel Gabriel and Sam
1) Let them know that you‘re interested. This. Is. Vital. Unless they‘ve been on Earth for thousands of years, posing as a Trickster and already had phenomenal people skills before that! - you need to be obvious about this. Pulling their primaries is *not* being obvious, Dean. You‘re no longer in third grade. We don‘t really have wings, you know. Not every girl has pigtails either. It‘s metaphorical. You‘d look cute with pigtails, Sammy. Don‘t. You. Dare.

1a) Anyway, really. I know you don‘t like chick flick moments, but just *tell* him, Dean. And be quick about this; I can‘t stand to watch your little dance much longer.

2) Presents are a good idea. Especially candy. Are we talking about you or Castiel? Fine, fine. No presents for Cassie-bee. There are other things beside candy. Just pick something he‘ll like, Dean. I‘m not sure there‘s anything he likes aside from God and your brother, and he can‘t give him Dad, so...

3) Take off your clothes and tell him to fuck you (or let you fuck him), Dean-o.
I did *not* need that mental image; scarred for life now. It was my pleasure. *That* I believe.
4) Once you‘re finally fucking Gabriel, please. doing the dirty, don‘t forget to lick his ear; he‘ll go wild. How the hell, do *you* know that??? Same as with the candy. Wha That Is that why you renamed this ‚Wooing for Winchester*s*‘?

5) Angels also like blowjobs. Really like.
Okay, I *get* it. You could have just *told* me.
6) Angels also like backrubs. Tha

7) And blindfolds. Gabr

8) And handcuffs.

9) And clamps.

 I‘m going out for pizza. Let me know when you‘re done.

What the fuck??? Don‘t leave that shit lying around. I don‘t wanna know what you get up to when the door is closed; that‘s why the fucking door is CLOSED! And keep your noses out of my and Cas‘ business!

We‘ll stay out of it as soon as there is a business.


I have found this in my coat pocket. Since it seems to be addressed to you, I‘m leaving it on your nightstand. By the by, I do not understand why we are now communicating in this manner; talking is certainly more expedient. However, I don‘t always understand human customs, nor do I need to in order to follow them.

 Also, Gabriel and Sam are correct. You could have told me.

They are incorrect in regards to the rest. I do not require presents (candy or otherwise), nor do I have a preference for any particular act associated with sex. Although I believe that this is due to my general inexperience. 

What would one do with clamps during intercourse, Dean?*