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Good God, Let Me Give You My Life

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                Three weeks, it had been three weeks since he lost Sebastian. Actually, three weeks and two days. The job had gone wrong, he didn’t know how, but it had. Everything was so perfectly planned, because he knew it would be risky, and still it went wrong. Jim Moriarty didn’t make mistakes, and yet here he was, Sebastian Moran had been taken.

                The first week he blamed Sebastian. He continued to talk to the man, scream at him, despite him not being there. He cursed him, hoped that wherever he was that he was bleeding. But then the week passed and he still had no word of where he was. Not even a message demanding money. Isn’t that what people did? Steal someone “important” and demand money. Not that that would work here. Sebastian wasn’t important; he was just a worker, and a stupid one. And Jim most definitely wasn’t in love with him.

                The second week, Jim started to formulate a way to find him. He tracked his phone, which was found in a dumpster near where the job had taken place. He hacked into the CCTV, whoever did this was smart, and he couldn’t track him. Not when there were multiple cars that looked exactly the same, branching off in different directions. He debated ordering each one of those cars tracked and then each area bombed, however he couldn’t even locate where the individual journeys ended. He smoked the first pack of cigarettes that Sebastian had stored in his room.

                The third week, and far too many packs of cigarettes later, the house smelled of Sebastian, despite him not having stepped foot in it. Jim couldn’t leave the smell of his cologne, the smell of smoke and gunpowder. The beer on his desk was the closest thing he could get to Sebastian’s tongue that so perfectly could cause him to melt. He couldn’t remember the last night he had actually slept, because every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sebastian. He saw him beaten, covered in blood, his face not even looking like him anymore. He could see the life draining from those baby blue eyes. He took another drink of the beer, watching the CCTV videos he had saved.

                He had exhausted every source he had. Anyone he knew who might have been in touch with those who had taken Sebastian. Stanley, a chubby man, he had recently made a few deals with someone outside of Jim’s ring, it’s very possible that the new competition could be the culprits. His fat hand that gripped the pistol shook and Jim’s voice rose, demanding answers. The man was shot in the arm by one of his snipers, and then taken out completely. Jim couldn’t help but think of how better the shot would have been had it been Sebastian. He could hear the man’s chuckle, and some stupid arrogant comment about the shot. He hated Sebastian. Then there was Joseph and Marco, two men you went to when you wanted to hear the latest gossip on the street. After an hour of listening to them argue about the newest drug on the street and the pricing, and who started selling it first, Jim sent them away. Annoying as they were, they were normally decent intel. Killing them now, as lovely as that would be, would be stupid.

                He sat at his desk, feeling his body shutting down. As much as his brain could keep going, his body could only function on so little sleep. He let out a growl of frustration, his laptop flying from the desk to crash in the floor. What did it matter if it worked anymore or not? It was two hours before Jim had finished tearing apart his entire office. Papers, sculptures, paintings, everything was thrown about, ripped, and broken. He picked back up his chair and sat in the middle of his madness, smoking another cigarette. Sentiment, what a stupid thing.

                The day was coming to an end, not that it mattered, and days tend to mix into one another when you refuse to sleep. Jim sat in the chair, staring at the now empty wall, his feet propped on a pile of papers and a broken sculpture that costs more than most people’s cars.

                It was in this quiet moment that Jim heard a noise. Perhaps Sebastian finally broke, and the same people were there to get Jim. At least he’d finally die and get some goddamn sleep. No, it couldn’t be them that was far too loud. The sound of boots, a shuffle, someone who couldn’t walk normally. His eyebrow raised and he lifted himself from the chair. This was someone who was comfortable being in this house, not the sound of someone who had entered a home for the first time. He could hear the certainty in the steps. He cracked open the office door and headed towards the living room.

                As he took each step he reminded himself that being hopeful was stupid, being this blind to whatever this was, because it certainly wasn’t love, was stupid. It was probably just one of his other little workers trying to gun for Sebastian’s spot, trying to act like they cared and was checking on him.

                All his theories were halted when he reached the living room. His heart pounded, he could feel his blood slowly forcing itself through his body as he looked at the person who had walked into the door.

                There in all his glory, covered in blood, his hair matted with it as well, his nose obviously broken, and he leaned to the side, possible broken ribs, his clothes were ripped and stained in blood, but it was him, Sebastian Moran alive and standing in his doorway.

                “Boss.” Came a hoarse broken voice. “I swear, I didn’t say a word to them.” He hobbled forward slightly toward the still completely frozen Jim. “I’ve never fucked up a job that bad before, sir. But I’ll make it up. And they know nothing of you except that I work for you…. But now they know they should fear me too.” He gave his usual grin, though his lip busted and it began to bleed again. “I got them, boss.” He stopped walking towards him. “Look I know you’re mad, but just let me shower first…. Please.”

                Jim remained stoic, just staring at Sebastian as the man moved ever closer to him. This was it; his body was finally shutting down. Lack of sleep was now making him have hallucinations. He closed his eyes as the figure of Sebastian moved closer, taking in a deep breath. He could smell him, not just the stale cigarette smoke, but him. His skin, his sweat, his blood, it was all there. He felt a hand on his cheek, rough and yet so gentle and he couldn’t help but push into it. If his mind was finally breaking, then what was the point of trying to be strong anymore? The hand caressed his cheek and Jim turned to place a kiss on the palm, uncaring of the grit of the dirt on it. His eyes slowly opened again, expecting the figure to have finally vanished, that he would just standing alone in his living room like some stupid fucking love struck idiot, but Sebastian was still there.

                He reached up and placed his hand on Sebastian’s cheek this time, feeling the scruff that was caked with blood. “It’s not all mine, I swear.” The gruff voice laughed. Jim’s hand snaked around to the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Sebastian’s hands found their way to Jim’s waist, bringing him as close as he could. They pulled away and Sebastian wiped a bit of blood off Jim’s lips that came from his own busted lip. Jim didn’t care, he could taste Sebastian, and it didn’t matter if he was completely covered in the other man’s blood. He pulled him back in, catching Sebastian off guard. He made a small groan and led him back to Jim’s room, Jim refusing to break the kiss.

                Sebastian shrugged off his jacket and Jim pulled at his shirt. The fabric stuck to the wounds underneath, but it was pulled off and thrown somewhere in the hall. It didn’t matter. Sebastian did the same with Jim’s shirt, his body looking far frailer than he had even remembered it. Even though it had only been three weeks. “Have you eaten anything?” He murmured, only to hear a small shush through the kiss. Now was not the time to have a lecture.

                Once in the bedroom he dropped to his knees, kissing over Jim’s stomach and nuzzling at the soft hair that led into his sweats. Jim’s hands were soft as the combed through Sebastian’s hair. After weeks of abuse and torture, feeling the soft caress meant everything. He hummed against the smooth skin, only to feel a hand move to his chin, forcing him to look up.

                “I need you.”

                Those three words seemed to linger in the room, and echoed in both their heads. Jim’s voice had never felt so vulnerable to him. Sebastian stood up and it was his turn to wrap his arms around Jim, kissing him. He let out a small moan, full of need as he felt Jim’s hand cling to his shoulders as if he would lose him again any second.

                Sebastian led Jim onto the bed and crawled over Jim, their hands refusing to stop touching each other. Jim couldn’t kiss Sebastian hard enough, and Sebastian couldn’t be close enough to Jim as he worked his pants off.  

                Soon the little clothes they were still wearing were scattered on the floor. Jim and Sebastian were still clinging to one another, kissing anywhere they possible could.        “Sebastian, please.” Jim whispered against his neck. Perhaps he felt that once Sebastian was inside him, that it would prove the man was truly there with him. He imagined himself alone in the bed, writhing and moaning like an absolute idiot. He imagined Seb was a vision in his head, giving him one last small moment of joy before his body completely shut down.

                “Of course, boss.” He responded, kissing the side of his head before reaching up to the nightstand.

                “Jim….” He whispered back, just wanting to hear his name fall from the man’s lips a few more times.

                “Jim.” Jim could practically hear Sebastian smiling when he said it.

                He laid back as he waited for Sebastian, his eyes remained closed, trying to rely on his other senses to prove the moment was real. The shifting of weight on the bed, the smell of Sebastian he had been trying to fake for weeks. It was all there. If this was his mind, why hadn’t it done this far sooner?

                “Jim, everything ok?”

                His eyes opened slowly once again, looking back up at Sebastian and gave him a small nod.

                There was something slightly unnerving about Jim in the moment. Sebastian wasn’t use to him so quiet, so compliant. No witty sarcastic remarks, nothing. He could tell Jim was exhausted, and once this was done he would force Jim to finally get some sleep, and then be sure to have a meal that both of them could enjoy when he woke. He pushed the thoughts out of his head as he leaned down to his lips, his fingers working open the small bottle.

                Jim was relaxed, truly relaxed, perhaps it was a bit due to his lack of sleep. He lazily kissed Sebastian back, his arms still hanging around him. That’s when he felt the cold fingers pushing against his opening and he moaned. He pushed back against the burning sting and their kiss deepened. Jim’s body took Sebastian’s fingers as he added another and then another. His back arched against him, and it was the most beautiful thing Sebastian had ever seen. He kissed along Jim’s chest as he fingers stretched him. He took in each little small noise Jim made, normally he stayed calm, holding in these small little whines and gasps, but this time it was different. Jim had fully let go.

                As Sebastian lined himself up, Jim gripped to his shoulders. The first thrust in felt like a fire burning through the both of them. He moaned Jim’s name and Jim held to him even tighter. Sebastian could feel the blood on his shoulders, from where Jim was opening up his still rather fresh wounds, but he didn’t care. His thrust started out slow, taking in the feeling of pushing fully into Jim over and over again. Jim’s hips shifted and rolled with each push. They both grew even needier and it didn’t stay slow for long. His hips picked up speed and soon he was thrusting into Jim with every ounce of strength he had and Jim was crying out each time. It was all too much and not nearly enough. Jim was scrambling to be even closer.

                He pushed Sebastian slightly and they flipped over, Jim straddling Sebastian, taking no time to ride him. Sebastian looked up at him, watching him in complete amazement and shock. His hands slid over His stomach and chest as Jim lost himself in the absolute pleasure of Sebastian’s cock. He had been wrong; this moment was by far the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He pulled Jim back down, their fingers intertwining above their heads as they kissed once again.

                “You’re fucking beautiful.” He murmured.

                “Don’t talk right now.” Jim panted in response. Their foreheads pressed together. Sebastian released his hands to grab his waist, jerking his hips up into him roughly. “Yes, Sebastian.” He cried out once more, his knuckling turning white as he held to the pillow. With that Sebastian felt the warm spurts between them and Jim tightening around him and he felt his own release, his whole body felt as if it was on fire from the inside out.

                They laid with each other sometime, he knew that when Jim finally came to and saw the bed an absolute disaster and that the sheets were definitely ruined that it wouldn’t be as nice of a moment. But for now they laid with each other, holding one another.

                Jim pulled away and grabbed a pack of smokes from the nightstand, lighting one up and taking a deep drag. Sebastian’s brow furrowed. That wasn’t Jim’s brand. That was his brand, the same brand Jim constantly ridiculed for being disgusting and cheap. He smiled to himself and Jim brought the cigarette to his lips and Sebastian took a deep drag as well.

                The night would never be brought up again. He knew Jim’s pride was too strong for that, but Sebastian kept it stored away. Jim never said “I love you”, but that night said it all.