It all began when Ron and Draco decided to celebrate their anniversary alone, agreeing to let Fred and George babysit their three children. It didn't help that their anniversary took place during the holidays when almost everyone had other things to do. Draco wasn't too comfortable with the twins looking over the children, but with promises of a long, fun night ahead, he didn't put up much of an argument with his husband.
"Horny bastards," Fred and George said in unison as the door closed, watching through the window as their brother and brother in law grasped each other tightly and Disapparated.
The youngest child, Oberon Malfoy, was the only one who heard them and he clapped his hands together, laughing madly. "Hoe-ney bas-ars!" the three year old exclaimed.
"What was that, Ob?" eleven year old Scorpius asked, walking over to his younger brother.
"Nothing!" Fred and George said together. Fred walked over to pick up the blue eyed blond toddler while George patted the head of Draco's clone. Scorpius ducked out of the touch and glared in a very dignified, arrogant Malfoy fashion.
"Ooooh Uncles did somethingggg!" six year old Pandora giggled. She was the only of the children to have inherited the Weasley red hair, though she had the same silvery gray eyes as her older brother and her father. Hers held none of the arrogance of the Malfoys, however, and all of the light, mischief, and fire of the Weasley clan. "I'm tellinggggg!"
"Can't tell if you don't even know what it is, squirt!" George teased, sticking out his tongue at her. Pandora stuck her tongue back out at him and Scorpius reached over to slap her arm.
"Don't do that, Dory!" Scorpius snapped. "Act like a lady."
"But I'm not a lady, you arse!"
"Don't say arse!"
"You said it!"
"I'm telling Dad!"
"Oh no you're not!"
While most who babysat the Weasley-Malfoy children would foresee a night of hair pulling and wishing for hard liquor, the Weasley twins grinned at one another and watched their nieces and nephews happily. This promised to be a fun night.
Five hours later, their flat looked as though it had seen the third Wizarding War. The fact that it was a complete wreck didn't bother Fred and George in the slightest. It had been well worth it. The Reptilian Fireworks Scorpius had set off on Pandora had been brilliant while Pandora's positively sneaky ways had landed both of her brothers with odd coloring. The very Slytherin Scorpius was furious to have red hair and gold skin, the words NUMBER ONE GRYFFINDOR written in scarlet across his face. Little Oberon didn't seem to notice much of his blue hair and bronze skin, words declaring him a future Ravenclaw ignored by the toddler. Oberon tried giving Pandora a Huffelpuff candy with the urging of their uncles and older brother, but Pandora got away from it easily and set one of the twins' newest creations on the youngest. Teddy bears that turned into various frightening creatures when asked to by the owner's sibling. It reminded the twins of the good old days when Pandora asked the teddy bear to turn into a huge spider.
"He'll be just like Ronnie-boy one day," George said tearfully as Oberon began wailing.
Only when the festivities turned violent did the twins step in to stop them. They had to give Pandora a half-hearted lecture about not bruising up Scorpius too badly then another aimed at the eleven year old, telling him that it was unbecoming of a Malfoy to scream like a girl when hit.
"Though I have heard stories about your dad when Auntie Hermione punched him."
"Malfoys would never let themselves be shamed by a girl," Scorpius said stiffly.
"Some Malfoy you are, then," Pandora said proudly.
"Now, now kiddies, do behave," Fred said.
"What would your fathers say?" George teased.
"Where are they?" Pandora whined. "I want to go home."
Fred and George snorted. "No you don't!"
"Yes I do!" Pandora argued.
"No, you…" Fred began, only stopping when George nudged him. The twins exchanged a look, then grinned, then looked to the children.
"You really want to go home?" George asked.
"Yes. I'm sure they're done celebrating by now," Scorpius said. "It's been hours!"
"Yes, let's go home!" Pandora cheered.
"Home!" Oberon agreed.
"I don't think they like us, Georgie."
"I think you're right there, Freddy," George said. "But…If they insist."
"We do insist! I can't wait to tell Dad what you did, Dora," Scorpius said.
"No worse than what you did, Scorp!" Pandora argued, though the fear was easy to see in her eyes.
"Well…If you're sure," Fred said.
"We are!" Pandora exclaimed. The fear of getting in trouble wasn't enough to keep her from wanting to go home to her fathers.
"Well. I guess our hands are tied, Fred!"
"If not ours, then I'm sure someone's are."
The kids looked confused, their uncles just chuckling and motioning for the children to follow. Only a couple of minutes later, George was the last to step out of the fireplace into the living room of their younger brother's house. Fred was busy hushing the kids. Once they were quiet, the twins listened intently. Ah, yes…That familiar creaking sound just upstairs.
"Well, go on then! Go greet your daddies!" Fred encouraged.
"I'm sure they're missing you greatly," George added, biting back his laughter.
"Might want to be quiet."
"Surprise them, you know."
"Right! C'mon, you two. Keep quiet," Scorpius said, leading the way upstairs.
The twins opted to wait downstairs, at the very bottom of the staircase, trying to hold back their laughter. It wouldn't be long now. They very well couldn't be the cause of scarring their niece and nephews for life and not see their reactions! They didn't have to see what the children saw, their beautiful blond birth father bouncing up and down in the lap of their red haired father, both moaning loudly. It was bad enough they even knew what their darling brother was doing without having to actually see it.
When Scorpius and Pandora let out horrified screams, Draco and Ron shouting in surprise (well, Ron's might have been surprised. The twins debated on whether or not Draco's had more to do with what he had been doing at the time), and Oberon wailing because all of the noise frightened him, the twins began laughing madly. Only seconds later, Scorpius and Pandora, still screaming bloody murder, ran downstairs and shoved past them. Oberon followed behind, stumbling down the stairs, tears streaming down his face. The pounding overhead stopped sounding like shagging and more like two embarrassed, angry parents rushing about.
"FRED! GEORGE! I KNOW YOU'RE DOWN THERE!" Ron shouted. "I AM GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU BOTH! DO YOU HEAR ME?"
"Us and the entire neighborhood, dear brother!" George called back.
"But we'll have to save the slaughtering for another time!" Fred said.
"We really better be going now!" they said at once, Disapparating on the spot.
Once was never enough for the Weasley twins, however. It really was too good when Hermione and Fleur requested them as babysitters for their own children, Claire and Hugo. This time it was the first thing on their mind when the happy couple dropped off their children to enjoy some much needed alone time. The twins had already agreed to watch Rose Wood, Percy and Oliver's daughter, Tristan Longbottom, Ginny and Neville's son, and Lorcan and Lysander Weasley, Luna and Charlie's sons. It was a party in their flat, Fred and George all too happy to entertain the children. The decision from the start had been to have a repeat of the Wealsey-Malfoy incident with whoever was left. Percy and Oliver picked up Rose early with Ginny and Neville retrieving Tristan not long after. They were a bit surprised that Hermione and Fleur were so late, especially when even Luna and Charlie picked up Lorcan and Lysander before them. Hermione, especially, was known for keeping her schedule clean. The twins could only hope that they would get lucky and their lateness meant that the mommies were up to some private fun.
"When are they coming?" Claire whined, tossing around her silvery blond hair indignantly.
"I wanna go home now!" Hugo, the blue eyed brunette griped.
"Then home you shall go!" George said.
Again, Fred led the way through the Floo and George followed once the children had gone. And like before, they urged Claire and Hugo to go find their mothers once they heard the telltale moans coming from upstairs. As the two began walking upstairs, George glanced to his twin. "Er…D'you reckon we should…I dunno…Follow? Make sure…umm…everything's going smoothly?"
Fred grinned. "Excellent point, dearest brother!"
George and Fred hurried after the Delacour children, not wanting to miss one moment of what promised to be hot lesbian action. They were not disappointed. Hermione and Fleur had decided that the hallway was the best place for their fun. Their dress robes were tossed aside, leaving them only in skimpy lingerie and their strappy heels. Hermione's black lacy panties were wrapped around one ankle, tangled in her black heel. Her back was pressed against the wall, her other leg draped over Fleur's shoulder. Fleur was on her knees in front of her wife, beautiful in her pale blue bra and thong and silver heels, her pretty face buried between the younger witch's legs.
Fred and George couldn't help but grin to themselves at the sight. It took the children a few seconds longer to notice and by that time they had gotten very close to their mothers, close enough to get a better look at what was happening, something the twins envied. But they hadn't dared move closer, lest they interrupt the beautiful lovemaking.
"Maman!" shrieked Claire. "What are you doing to Mummy?"
"Claire? Hugo!" Hermione exclaimed, brown eyes flying open. Her hands flew down to tug at her wife's hair, but Fleur slapped her hand away, then motioned wildly with it as if to shoo everyone away. Nine year old Claire looked as though she might faint while six year old Hugo's eyes were huge, gaping in horror at his mothers. While Claire twisted and turned, eyes moving everywhere desperately, Hugo stood completely still, just staring.
"I'm going to be sick!" Claire wailed then screamed dramatically and ran off down the hallway. This seemed enough of a cue for Hugo who began screaming as well and took off after her, though he didn't stop looking at his mothers until he hit the wall. Claire reached out and grabbed him to tug him the rest of the way to the room at the far end of the hall, slamming the door shut loudly.
"Fred! George! I can't believe you…ahhh…Oh Merlin," Hermione moaned, then began batting at her wife's head. "Fleur, stop!"
"I do not zee why not," Fleur said indignantly, then returning to work, one of her hands creeping up her wife's thigh.
"Our children just saw…Oh keep doing that," Hermione moaned. "No! Stop it! We have to talk to them!"
"We can talk to zem later!" Fleur snapped, staring up at Hermione as though she wanted to devour her completely. Oh the perks of being married to a Veela! And Hermione didn't even seem to appreciate it!
"We still have company," Hermione said, clearing her throat and trying to cover her body the best she could with her arms. "Fred, George, I cannot believe you two would…"
"They missed you," Fred said innocently.
"We thought we were doing a good deed," George said in the same tone.
"My arse," Hermione muttered. "Fleur, seriously! Stop!"
"I am not through with you yet!" Fleur snapped. "Zey can go talk to ze children!"
"But we wanted to watch!" the twins exclaimed.
"Too bad," Fleur said stiffly, standing up. She kissed Hermione deeply before turning her glare onto the twins. "Peut-être, when you can behave! Until then you will go et explain to my children why you 'ave scarred zem for life!"
"They are not scarred," Fred said, his tone offended.
"This was a great lesson in…"
"Go!" Fleur commanded, pointing to the door that Claire and Hugo had disappeared behind.
"C'mon, woman! Just let us have a little fun!" George pleaded as Fleur took Hermione into her arms and carried her across the hall.
"Non!" Fleur said as the door slammed. Fred pouted when he heard the familiar locking charms go up.
"At least they didn't do a Silencing Charm," George said five minutes later when Hermione's screams reached them.
Claire and Hugo's eyes were wide again, sitting side by side, very stiff, on the edge of Claire's bed.
"Is Maman hurting my mummy?" Hugo asked quietly.
"Oh no. Your mummy is a very happy lady right now," Fred assured him.
"Yes! Oh Merlin, yes!" Hermione screamed.
"Very happy," George sighed jealously.
"What are they doing?" Hugo asked in wonder.
"Well, you see."
"When two people love each other very much."
"And are married. Can't forget that."
"But what…Oh, right. Yes, married."
"Then they try to make each other feel good.
"But why?" Hugo asked.
"It's gross!" Claire squealed.
"It is not!" Fred exclaimed.
"It's beautiful," George sighed.
"But it looked like she was trying to eat Mummy's naughty bits!" Hugo said.
The twins coughed, struggling not to laugh.
"Err…Right. That's what they call it, actually," Fred couldn't help but say.
"It's called eating someone out," George said intelligently.
"So she was eating Mummy!" Hugo said in horror.
"Well…Not in a bad way," Fred explained.
"How can you eat someone in a good way?" Hugo asked.
"It's cannibalism!" Claire wailed.
"It is not," George assured her.
"It's…well…It's sex!" Fred said.
"What's sex?" Hugo asked.
Hearing Hermione let out another satisfied cry, Fred and George looked at each other and then stood up. "Let's go to your mummies' room and see!"
Hugo naively stood up, but Claire reached out to pull him back down, her face bright pink. "No! Never again!"
"Suit yourself," Fred said.
"Can we go?" George asked.
"Why would you want to watch?" Claire demanded.
"…Why wouldn't we?"
Having to have the sex talk with a nine year old and a six year old didn't discourage Fred and George. Over the next few days they tried the same thing with everyone they could. It didn't always go smoothly. While they managed to get Rose to walk in on Percy and Oliver, Charlie and Luna hadn't been home when they tried with Lorcan and Lysander. Hermione and Fleur had warned Blaise and Gabrielle, so they had locked their door and the Zabini children, Odette, Arienne, and Beau, had been saved a horrible fate. Ron and Draco had also had the foresight to warn Ginny and Neville, so when they brought Tristan home early they came face to face with a furious Ginny who screamed and lectured them in a way that was reminiscent of Molly Weasley herself. They did get Sven Krum to have an unfortunate incident with his parents, Bill and Viktor, but it wasn't as fun because they had at least been under the blankets in bed.
If anyone had warned Harry and Severus, it hadn't shown. Fred and George happily agreed to babysit their five children. Donovan was eleven, Rhiannon was eight, Stephanie was six, Gabriel was two, and Anastasia was not even a year old. This would be the best group yet, they were sure! Like the Weasley-Malfoy group had done, the little Snapes had a fine time destroying the twins' flat and bullying each other. When enough time seemed to have passed, Fred and George grinned at each other and settled the children down in the living room.
"So, do you miss your daddies yet?" Fred asked.
"Yes," they replied slowly, only the younger two exclaiming the word excitedly.
"Well…It is getting late. I'm sure they wouldn't mind us bringing you home early."
"If you really want to see them."
"Nooo thank you," Donovan laughed.
"Yeah. No," Rhiannon agreed, shuddering.
"Why not?" Fred asked, sending George a confused look.
"You think we haven't seen what goes on when they're alone?" Stephanie demanded, quirking an eyebrow in a very Severus-like manner.
"We're not stupid, you know," Rhiannon added.
"What are you talking about?" George asked.
"I see! You're trying to make us walk in on them!" Donovan accused, frowning.
"Why I never!"
"Would we do something like that, Fred?'
"Of course not, George!"
"Liars," Stephanie giggled.
Fred and George were silent for a long time before muttering, "Damn Snapes…Ruin everything!"
"Knew it," Rhiannon giggled.
"You've really walked in on them before?" Fred asked.
"More often than should be allowed," Donovan replied solemnly.
"More than once?" George asked.
"Loads of times!" Stephanie said with a shudder.
"Though…" Rhiannon said.
"Though?" Fred and George said.
"Well. Gabe and Stacy have never seen them go at it," she said with a laugh.
So five minutes later the group Apparated to the Snape household upon finding the Floo blocked. Someone must have tipped them off, but there were other ways of getting somewhere. Unfortunately, they landed right in the middle of the kitchen where Harry and Severus were busy shagging happily away only a foot away from the group of seven. Both were completely naked, Harry bent over the counter, legs spread as wide as they could go from his position, with Severus's hands on his hips, slamming into him over and over again. Donovan, Rhiannon, and Stephanie immediately shrieked, put their hands over their eyes, and spun around, trying to blindly run from the kitchen. Anastasia only wiggled about in George's arms, sucking on her thumb obliviously while Gabriel laughed and pointed at his fathers. Fred and George could only gape as Severus suddenly stopped and pulled out of Harry, seeming not to notice their company as he urged Harry the rest of the way onto the counter, hopping up with him. The younger wizard was placed onto his back while Severus shoved the man's legs up to his chest, shoving his surprisingly huge cock back into the other's arse. Harry's back arched as he moaned happily at the feeling, shifting around to lift and spread his legs more. Without looking, Fred reached down to cover Gabriel's eyes while George did the same for Anastasia.
It was hard to look away! It wasn't as hot as it had been seeing Fleur and Hermione…Though after a few minutes the twins could appreciate it as a truly arousing sight. They had been married for fifteen years! They didn't think married people had this kind of sex! Certainly not at their age or at this point in their relationship! The twins weren't sure at all why they couldn't look away, only that they were mesmerized by the intense look in Severus's face, the complete bliss in Harry's expression, the speed with which their hips moved, how easily they kept in sync, the desperation with which they touched and kissed…Both twins shivered at the same time, then glanced at each other with sheepish smiles.
Severus chose that moment to look up, raising an eyebrow. "Still here? Thought you would have run off by now."
The twins paled considerably. "You…"
"Knew? How could I not?"
"Sev'rus?" Harry said, then twisted his head, eyes widening when he noticed the twins and his two youngest children. "The bloody hell?"
"Calm down," Severus said, shifting up onto his knees and pulling Harry up into his lap, bouncing Harry up and down over his cock.
"Stop it! I don't wa…Oh…Oh God, yes!" Harry moaned, grasping onto his husband tightly.
"If you're going to watch, would you at least get the children out of here? The others are more than capable of keeping an eye on them," Severus assured them before attaching his lips to Harry's throat.
Fred and George hurried to leave drop Gabriel and Anastasia off in Donovan's room, then hurried back to the kitchen to watch the remaining ten minutes of Severus and Harry's shagging. They swore they hadn't seen anyone come so hard in their life. They stayed another five minutes to watch Harry and Severus fight over the fact that the older wizard had let them stay and such, only leaving when the pair rounded on them.
Two days later, Fred and George were at it again! No one trusted Fred and George as babysitters anymore, it seemed, and when Remus and Sirius needed a day to themselves, they left their children, Teddy Lupin and Jericho Black, with Molly and Arthur instead. But they wouldn't let something like that deter them. They could always pick up Teddy and Jericho, claim they were bringing them back to their parents house on request, and see how they handled it. Teddy was a bit older and would probably pick up on what they were after, but they could at least get poor young Jericho.
"Wonder if they can keep it up in their old age the same as Snape," Fred commented, grinning madly.
"If Snape can do it, anyone can," George assured his brother, walking into the house.
"What do you re…" Fred began.
"Oh no," said George, eyes growing wide.
Right there in the living room were a very naked Molly and Arthur on the couch. It seemed that Sirius and Remus must have picked up their sons early, leaving Fred and George to fall into their own trap.