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Horn of Plenty

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The other Xander ran his hands over his face – his face – and sighed heavily. What the hell did he have to be upset about? He got all the good parts: the looks, the clean, the matchy socks, the suave. He got it all, and all this Xander got was the mess that was left behind. He’d end up with all the crap he usually got, ignored by his parents, looked down on by Giles, and pitied by the girls. He always got the gunk left in the bottom of the barrel, and now wouldn’t be any different.

It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Buffy had tried to talk him into joining them for the holiday again this year, but after last year’s incident with the Chumash Indians, and the smallpox and the syphilis, Xander had no interest in revisiting that horror. He’d insisted that he would be spending the day with the parentals. They all knew it was a lie, but they didn’t call him on it, and he was fine leaving it at that. He didn’t have a problem with being alone for the holiday, he always had been, he could deal with that. But now, he wouldn’t be alone, and it was a very different thing all together.

But it would be Monday before the planets were all in alignment, the moon would be in the right phase, and they could ‘meld’ or whatever you did with two halves of the same thing that just happened to currently not be all halfsy.

Then there would be just the one Xander, but not a good one, ‘cause he’d have all the bad stuff that belonged in this Xander, as well as all the good stuff that the other one had. If he’d been just that Xander, the all suave, all smart, all sleek one, would Buffy have wanted him then? Would Anya have been willing to stay with him if he’d been the one with all the looks and the smile? Would Spike have…wait. Spike was with him. He had a feeling that meant Spike simply hadn’t had time to figure out what a screw-up this Xander was, and how much of a mess he’d end up making out of suave Xander’s life.

“Why don’t you take the first shower?”

Xander looked up in surprise. When had they gotten home? He barely remembered saying goodbye, and the walk here was a complete blank. Suave Xander was frowning at him, well, that made sense. He hadn’t had a shower today, and he spent last night sleeping in the city dump. He wasn’t much of a treat for the eyes or the nose. He trundled into the bedroom for some sweats to change into, and there were two sets of sweat pants and old, soft t-shirts sitting on the bed, Scooby Doo boxers on one, and Batman on the other. Old Suavey was totally together-guy, and Xander couldn’t manage to put two feet together without tripping over his work boots, and landing face first on the floor.


He grabbed his clothes off the bed, and crawled into the bathroom. He did stink. They’d probably have to burn these clothes. He dropped them onto the floor in the corner, and stepped into the shower with a sigh.

He may be second best, but he wasn’t going to sleep on the couch tonight. He’d carried that bed up the stairs to his new apartment only two weeks ago, and he deserved to be able to sleep in it, even if he had to share it with himself. He bet Spike would want the other one, too. They’d only been having sex for a couple of months now, but he just knew Spike would want the all-matchy, all-smart Xander, ‘cause Spike could fool the rest of them, but he couldn’t fool Xander – Spike was a lot smarter than he like to admit.

He read books – the kind without pictures. He might live in a crypt these days, but the others had never seen under the trap that led into the cavern underneath. He’d spent hours cleaning it so it was undusty and grit free. He had drawers for all his clothes and Xander had even helped him hook up the water main to that little side cave so he could have running water to wash up in. They’d made plans to hook up Spike’s crypt to the electricity in the groundskeeper’s shed this weekend, so he could watch TV, and refrigerate and heat his blood.

But the thing Spike had been so excited about was hooking up the tankless water heater Xander was pretty sure he’d stolen from Home Depot. Spike loved hot water. Even before they were having sex, Spike would come over while Xander was at work, do his laundry, and take a shower. He would have rather had a bath, but Spike refused to clean the tub in his parent’s basement, and Xander wouldn’t touch it. He poured a gallon of bleach in it once a month and filled it with hot water for a good, long soak, but that was as close as he came to cleaning that mess.

When Xander first moved in, Spike came by to help him inaugurate his new apartment by having sex on every single flat surface they could find – horizontal, vertical, and inclined. For a house warming gift, he’d brought Xander a bucket, a gallon-sized bottle of Soft Scrub, and a huge scrub brush. No guesses needed to know what that was for. The apartment wasn’t that big, but the bathroom was good sized, and there was a big old-fashioned bathtub that Spike had proved to Xander would hold two grown men without too much water spillage. Fortunately, there were tile floors, so it was easy to clean up the spills. He’d started leaving the bucket and the mop in the bathroom. Just in case.

He was pulling up his Scooby Doos when his stomach growled. With all the excitement, Xander hadn’t eaten all day, no wonder he was hungry. Maybe they could order a couple of pizzas, or some Chinese from the place down the street. He’d developed a beautiful relationship with their orange chicken, but he had to admit he was cheating on it with the pork lo mein. With two mouths to feed, they could splurge and get both, and maybe some chicken wings, or beef teriyaki. Mmmm…

Before he even got into the kitchen, the smell of garlic sauce hit him, making him stagger, or maybe that was the rug. He kind of launched himself in the direction of the kitchen as he tripped. Fortunately, a pair of strong arms caught him, but surprisingly, they weren’t his own, unless there were three of them now.

“Easy mate. Xan said you’d be hungry, but there’s no need to run, we didn’t start without you.”

“We ordered enough food for today and Thanksgiving,” the other him said, “so don’t worry, we’re not going to run out of orange chicken.”

Spike set him upright, and he dropped into a chair. Well, hell. His humiliation would now be complete. If he was a real bastard, he could insist that Spike and the suave Xander sleep on the pullout in the living room, but that was just Xander being spiteful. He’d take the couch. He could be magnanimous, even if he couldn’t spell it.

“Thanks for the catch, Spike. I guess you heard about the Toth-ing, huh?”

“I checked in at the shop after sundown, to see if there were any big nasties I could stomp on, but when the Watcher told me what had happened, I came right over. Thought you two might want some company. Brought some booze, but Xan said you probably hadn’t eaten much today, so we ordered in.”

“Xan?” Xander had his plate half filled before it hit him what Spike was calling the other Xander. He’d hated Alex when he was growing up, and Al, as well as Alexander. So when he needed a grown-up name, he went by Xan.

“Makes sense,” Xan said. “To keep us separate. Not like it matters that much, we’re pretty much the same person we always were, we’re just a little more well defined, is all.”

“It’s amazing.” Spike’s eyes wandered back and forth between them. “I want to strip you both, and search your bodies to see if I can find anything different, anywhere.”

The salacious leer he gave them both made Xander blush. He had no answer for that, so he shoved an entire fat egg roll in his mouth instead. He caught Spike staring at his mouth, and an image of what he must look like with that roll sticking out of his mouth hit him hard in the gut. The only way he could close his mouth to chew was to bite the egg roll in half. Xander had to fight hard to avoid spraying cabbage out his nose when Spike winced. That Spike, he had a dirty mind.

Xander blamed Spike’s dirty mind for the fact that two hours later, the three of them were all rolling around on the pullout couch, naked as the day was long. And wasn’t that a bizarre saying. Maybe he’d think about it some more at another time, but right now, he’d much rather concentrate on the cock Spike was currently moving in and out of his mouth. Mmmm…salty. It was longer than that egg roll had been, but not as fat. That was okay, it was easier to suck on.

When he’d first started messing around with Spike, there were a lot of things he’d never thought of, like what it would be like to be on the other end of a blowjob. It wasn’t so bad. You could get kind of lost in it, the rhythm of the in and out, the taste of precome that leaked out of the slit, the way the foreskin gathered up at the bottom of the head, and how sensitive that spot was. There were like a gazillion nerve endings there – at least according to Spike. He wondered if it was different if you were giving head to a guy who’d been cut, but since Spike was the only guy he’d ever had sex with, he had nothing to compare it to.

It was a good fifteen minutes later when he realized the cock’s flavor had changed. He’d moved around a bit, and he and Spike had kissed for the longest time, but then Spike had started sucking on his cock, and Xander had reached out and grabbed the one right in front of him, and sucked it in. But the flavor was wrong, and that’s when it hit him, there was no foreskin! His eyes popped open, and there he was, sucking on his own cock while Spike fucked the other him, and to close out the circle, the other him was sucking on his cock, too!

“Wait, wait, wait!”

He pulled back, letting Xan’s cock go with a pop. Xan looked up, but kept Xander’s cock in his mouth while he did it, a ‘what the hell’ look on his face. Spike reached down and pulled Xander’s face up, so he could clearly see Spike’s cock half way out of his own ass, and no matter how weird someone might think that would be, it was weirder than they thought.

Spike’s hand curved around his jaw, and he asked, “What’s up, love? Tell me what’s wrong, Xander.”

“I’m sucking on my own cock, and you’re asking what’s wrong?” he asked, incredulously.

Xan started laughing, Xander’s cock falling out of his mouth. Xander really tried to not join in, he really did, but okay, he could admit it, that was the stupidest thing he’d said since he’d asked Harmony Kendall if he could look under her dress back in the third grade. True, he’d known what she’d say. He’d only asked because Larry had told him he could keep his lunch money for the day if he did. He hadn’t expected her to punch him in the nose, though. That Harmony, she could hit hard for an eight year old girl.

He couldn’t help it. He let out a snort, and then it was all over. Xander fell back, laughing like the crazy fool he knew he was, and Xan was laughing so hard Spike rolled over on his back, his hard cock sticking right up into the air, and a small smile he’d never admit to curling the corners of his lips.

“You’re a loon,” he complained.

“Which one of us?” Xan lifted his head, and watched Spike as he answered his question.

“You both are. But that’s okay, I like you anyway, together and apart.”

“Yeah?” Xander asked cautiously. He didn’t like to admit how much those words meant to him.

“Xan is the mind, and the body, he’s got the skills to be a master carpenter, and the drive to know he can be what he wants, if he wants it hard enough.”

“What am I, then?” He didn’t see what was left.

Spike smiled at him. “You’re the heart and the soul. You’re the glue that will bind the two of you back together again. Xan couldn’t have gotten that raise today without you. He may have the leadership abilities, but without the heart to make you care about those around you, you’d be empty – a dry husk.”

Xander crawled up and flopped on the other side of Spike so they were all three sideways across the bed. He kissed Spike, hoping he understood how much it meant that Spike liked him for who he was, even if he was a fuckup most of the time.

When they parted, the other Xander kissed Spike, and Xander told him, “I’m glad you’re here with us, Spike.”

Spike pulled out of the kiss, and held them both, one hand wrapped around both of their heads as he spoke. “I’m glad I’m here, too. Not too often you get such a treat as this, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He pulled the two of them closer together, then all three were kissing, their tongues mixing in the middle, in Spike’s mouth, and in both of theirs. Then it was just the two of them, with Spike watching from below.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Xan was obviously still slick from earlier, because he climbed on top of Spike, and slid right down until he was sitting on Spike’s lap.

“Bloody hell, yes.”

Xan started to move, and Spike urged Xander to kneel until he was sitting on Spike’s face, and Spike licked a broad stripe up the crack of Xander’s ass. Xander’s shout didn’t have any words, but then it didn’t matter, because he was pretty sure they wouldn’t make any sense, anyway. He loved being rimmed, and Spike’s tongue was tireless.

The three of them moved together, and as they got closer to their orgasms, Xander and Xan leaned forward, each one grabbing the other’s cock as they moved in tandem. He was glad that Spike was there, because at least one other person would understand when he said he’d never be this close to anyone, ever again.

They came within seconds of each other, and that seemed right, too. Shuddering, they gasped into each other’s shoulders, moaning and holding tightly to each other. Perfect. That had been perfect. This was definitely his best Thanksgiving ever.

Xander could feel Spike’s pelvis shifting under Xan, even though Xan had stopped rising and falling over him. They looked at each other with twin evil grins. They both knew what Spike liked best, and they knew exactly how to give it to him.

Xander climbed down off Spike’s face as Xan took up the pace again, moving faster to keep in time with Spike’s hips. He reached down, and started teasing Spike’s nipples, pulling curses and groans out of him. Xander lay next to Spike, and started licking and sucking on his neck, nibbling and nipping up and down the length before gnawing on the place where the jugular vein lies close to the skin.

They knew his weaknesses, and they exploited them without mercy. It didn’t take long before he was showing all the signs of imminent orgasm, so they doubled up on their efforts. Xan started twisting his now tender nipples, and Spike got all snarly, his face shifting in and out of his vampire form. Xander considered this the highest compliment Spike could give a guy, ‘cause Spike didn’t break into game face for just anything.

Closer and closer, Xander watched Spike’s hands as they curled and uncurled on the mattress, his nibbles getting sharper and sharper, sucking harder, running his teeth along the side of his neck. He wasn’t sure how Xan knew the moment, but he recognized it somehow. He leaned forward, and bit Spike’s neck, Xander following suit, and biting true, as hard as he could.

Spike screamed, his back arched so hard that Xan fell off to the side, letting go of Spike’s neck in the process. Xander held on, gnawing until he broke through the skin. Spike’s come splattered on the side of Xander’s face, and he blinked in surprise, finally pulling away as Spike’s come spattered everywhere. Finally, Spike collapsed, his chest jerking as he took in huge gulps of air. Slowly, slowly he came back to them, his eyes opening, although they stared off into space, not tracking anything.

“Wow. Spike. That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Xander nodded mutely, letting the articulate one speak for them both.

“You great, beautiful bastards,” Spike growled, his voice scratchy, like his throat was raw. That made sense. He’d screamed. A lot.

There didn’t seem much to say after that. Xan turned the volume down on the old black and white monster movie they’d been watching when this all started, and Xander used his shirt to clean off most of their mess. They curled around Spike, their hands bumping as they wrapped their arms around him. But that was okay, because it was only Xander. It just turned out there was more of him to love than he’d ever imagined.