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Loyalty

Chapter Text

I didn’t understand who could possibly make my brother turn into someone so weak. 

Rick had always been so strong—the best leader I had ever seen. I had always looked up to him and trusted his judgement no matter what. Things had been pretty good, all things considered. We were building something in Alexandria. We were safe.

And then one day, Rick came home without Glenn and Abraham.

Since their deaths, our group was broken. People were terrified out of their minds. I had only heard what had happened in the line up. I barely understood it myself. I just knew my friends were dead at the hands of a man named Negan.

We had made a grave mistake. We attacked the Saviors on Gregory’s words, and it had led to this. 

We had lost.

My brother was defeated. He had given up hope.

I hated seeing him like this.

We hadn’t even had time to mourn before there were trucks pulling up to our gates and the Saviors entered our home, wielding guns and glaring us down.

Then the man himself appeared and everyone turned their attention on him. I was standing outside on my front porch, watching them enter our community. He exited out of the passenger side of a truck and stepped out, looking around with a big smile on his face. His black hair was slicked back and he was wearing a leather jacket. He was middle aged, probably a bit older than my brother, and had a salt and pepper beard. In the moment, he looked almost friendly—but I knew better.

Negan strolled down the street like he owned the place—he practically did; my brother wasn’t willing to fight him anymore. No one was. They all seemed so nervous and afraid to be in his presence. Rosita was standing with Sasha across the way from me, and I could see Spencer was watching the Saviors curiously as they walked across our yards. Other Alexandrians had come out of their houses and were watching too. Rick walked up, greeted him with a nervous look on his face, and walked next to Negan. I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Negan was looking around at all the faces when his eyes met mine. He cocked his head to the side and squinted at me, before walking right at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him as he approached my house. Carl, my nephew, was standing next to me, looking at Negan with so much hatred in his eyes. I couldn’t blame him; Carl had witnessed first hand the massacre of our friends. He had already been through more than any kid should because of the walkers, and then Negan made him witness that.

Negan grinned like a snake, and I held his gaze as he walked up onto the porch where I stood. I could see my brother following behind him like an obedient dog.

“Rick, who the fuck is this?” Negan asked, still looking me over. I furrowed my brow in confusion as he took me in, his eyes lingering on my body.

Was he checking me out?

“I’m Rick’s younger brother.” I answered coldly, moving so I was in between Negan and Carl. I was very defensive of my family and knew what this man was capable of. Carl had become quite the firecracker too, and I didn’t want him lashing out at our enemy right then. We needed to tread carefully.

“I can see the family resemblance,” Negan said, leaning to the side, eyes still locked on me.  “You all keep giving me those dirty looks, and I don’t appreciate that shit. Though I do appreciate other dirty things.” Negan stepped up to get closer to me, but Rick walked up onto the steps.

“What do you want, Negan?” Rick asked loudly, trying to get his attention. Negan peered at me, and then turned to my brother.

“I want your guns, Rick,” he answered, smiling devilishly. He moved to get off the porch and Rick turned and started to lead him towards another house, where we kept the weapons stashed. “And bring your little brother,” he added, turning around to wink at me. Carl looked up at me with a confused look and I sighed and followed them onto the road.

I walked behind them, worried someone was going to get hurt. He had a barbed wire baseball bat laying against his shoulder. Carl had told me that’s what he had used to kill Glenn and Abraham. I wanted to grab it and beat him, but knew his men would gun me down before I got the chance.

We entered the weapons house and Rick gathered every gun for Negan. Some of Negan’s men came inside to start taking them. I stood off to the side and watched them rob us. The old Rick would have stopped this, but my brother had changed. He belonged to Negan now.

“Not just these ones,” Negan ordered, turning to glare down at Rick. “I want ALL your guns.”

Rick nodded quickly and his compliance made me sick to my stomach.

“Just give me some time to gather everything,” he said, heading out of the house. 

“Come on Carl.” Rick called to his son, hoping to get him away from Negan. I remained in the house and watched my brother and nephew leave. Negan’s men removed all of our guns and carried them out the door.

Then I was left alone with Negan.

“You got a nice place here,” he said, turning to me. Once again he was studying me and I looked away from him and across the room, not wanting to talk.

“You ever been with a man before?” His voice completely caught me off guard, and I turned to look at him with a disgusted look—not because he was suggesting I was into men. I had known I was gay almost my whole life. I was disgusted that it was him asking—that it was him looking at me like this.

He licked his lips and grinned at me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I don’t fuck around with people who hurt my family.” I said, coldly.

Negan approached me slowly, smiling wide.

“I didn’t hurt anyone in your family.” He was referring to the fact he hadn’t killed Rick or Carl.

“They’re all my family. You killed my friends,” I growled at him. I had loved Glenn and Abraham. We had been close, and losing them was painful. I was now standing in front of the man who had taken them away from us. I didn’t feel the fear my brother felt because I hadn’t seen it. I just felt anger and hatred.

Negan stopped in front of me, and matched my scowl with one of his own.

‘You murdered a fuck-ton of my men. I had to make sure you people learned your place.”

I turned my head away from him in disgust. He was insane. I wasn’t going to stand here and listen to this. I turned to walk away when his voice made me freeze.

“I bet I can make you submit just like your brother.” He started to close the distance between us, when I reached out and grabbed his arm tightly, stopping him in his tracks.

“I might be Rick’s little brother, but I’m not going to submit to you,” I hissed. My hand tightened on his arm and I squeezed hard.

Negan chuckled and leaned towards me in an attempt to intimidate me, but I didn’t budge.

“You like it rough, don’t you?” he said in a low voice, and I dropped his arm. Just as I did, Negan moved closer, cornering me by the wall. I glared at him as he pressed his hand against the wall and leaned his body against mine.

He was hard.

Before I could move away, Negan’s hand grasped the front of my pants and palmed my crotch. His grin grew even wider as he felt my dick through the fabric.

“Not so little after all, Mr. Grimes,” he whispered low.

I hated the betrayal of my body, but the feeling of Negan’s hand against my pants stirred something inside of me. I turned my head away and held my breath as he continued to touch me. 

I hated this man. Hated what he had done to us, but his power, his scent, every single aspect about him in this very moment felt good.

I was sick of feeling so weak and helpless, and now I was feeling something else entirely.

And I didn’t want him to stop.

I swallowed hard when Negan let me go and backed up, chuckling darkly. I tried to regain my composure, but knew he had seen that I had enjoyed it. He was so incredibly amused, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. He was making me frustrated, in more ways than one.

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” he whispered against my ear, his hot breath hitting my skin.

He was still very close to me when Rick came back inside the house and announced loudly that the guns were outside and ready for Negan to inspect. Negan smiled down at me, and then turned to my brother, getting away from my face and heading to the door.

“That better be all of them,” he warned, and exited the house.

Rick looked at me with concern, but I just shook my head and moved away from the wall where Negan had cornered me. I walked out of the house and followed my brother towards Negan’s trucks, doing my best to mentality shake off the many feelings I was experiencing.

“I’ll be back in a week for my shit, Rick. Do not disappoint me.” Negan glared at my brother and then looked back to me and smiled wide and raised his eyebrows. It didn’t go unnoticed by Rick, who turned and looked at me confused. I continued to glare at Negan, not able to meet my brother’s gaze.

With that, Negan got inside the passenger side, and the trucks pulled out of the gate of Alexandria. Once he was gone, it was like a haze was lifted from our community and everyone immediately started being more relaxed. They still seemed worried, but it was clearly less intense once Negan was gone.

I watched as Rick pulled the gate closed and I stood there, feeling incredibly guilty about my interaction with our enemy. I hadn’t expected anything like that, and wondered what this meant for me now.

Negan had touched me…

And I had enjoyed it.

I turned away from where I was standing by the front of Alexandria and walked quickly back to my house before my brother could question me. I wasn’t ready for that.

Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized…

I wanted it to happen again.

Chapter Text

I had always been the rebellious one.

Growing up, Rick had been the good child. He was the one who made mom and dad proud. I was the rule breaker, the liar, the manipulator. I strongly believed that rules were meant to be broken, and it landed my ass in trouble more times than I could count.

It’s why Rick and I argued a lot…

And it’s why I kept a gun hidden, even after Negan took all of our firearms.

I had my own house in Alexandria where I lived alone, and when we had originally come here, I wasn’t as willing to give up my gun to be counted and locked up. I suspected my brother knew, but when Negan rounded them up, he either forgot or had no idea. I taped it on the roof of a drawer in the kitchen, and I was so glad I had hidden it.

If I needed to use it, I would.

Rick and Aaron went out to get Negan his supplies, and I stayed back with Judith. Olivia had offered to watch her, but I enjoyed spending time with my niece. Rick told me she wasn’t his, but a product of Lori and Shane’s brief affair when they thought my brother was dead. Regardless, she was my niece just the same, and I liked taking care of her.

I had put Judith down for a nap and was working on assembling a playpen we had found when I heard the sound of truck engines through the open windows. I looked out to see Negan’s men pull their vehicles through the gate, and I narrowed my eyes at the sight. My brother was gone and Negan was back.

I stepped out of my house and was shocked to see Carl get out of the truck with Negan. I hadn’t seen him all day, and now here he was standing next to our enemy. My protective instincts came over me, and I jogged over to where they were.

“Carl?” I asked, worried that my nephew had been hurt. He wasn’t wearing the bandage around his head covering his missing eye. It was the first time I had seen the wound exposed, but his hair was covering most of that side of his face.

“I’m okay,” Carl assured me, as Negan stepped in my way, preventing me from going to him.

“Hello there, Mr. Grimes,” Negan drawled, grinning wide at me. “Your nephew had one hell of a time today. Snuck into my truck and killed some of my fucking men.”

I glared at Negan, and then looked over to Carl. I had no idea he had ventured off. He reminded me of a younger version of myself, and that was as amusing as it was frustrating. Rick would be furious. I was just happy he was still alive.

“Where’s Rick?” Negan demanded, and he started walking down the road, that dreaded bat slung over his shoulder.

“He’s out getting you your shit,” I snapped, irritation clear in my voice.

Negan turned to look at me. His eyes scanned me over, and then he grinned.

“Guess that means you’re in charge, Mr. Grimes.”

He wasn’t wrong.

It was true my brother usually called the shots, but when he left, many people turned to me. I didn’t mind it, but Rick was better at handling people. He was a much better leader than me.

Negan must have noticed which house I came out of when he arrived, because he approached mine and invited himself right in. Carl headed over to Rick’s house and disappeared inside. I looked to the upstairs window where Judith was sleeping and prayed he wouldn’t discover my niece. I didn’t think Negan knew about her existence, and it could prove to be something he could use against us, especially my brother.

I knew right then that I would need to try and keep him downstairs if she was to remain hidden.

Negan went into my kitchen, and I headed into the living room, shoving the playpen pieces towards the other side of the couch out of his sight with my foot. He was opening cabinet drawers as if he was looking for something, and my heart sank. He was standing inches away from the hidden pistol. If he found it, I would be in big trouble.

Negan took out a glass and turned on the tap water, filling it up. He took a long drink, and then turned to look at me.

“What do you want, Negan?” I asked in a cold tone, crossing my arms.

“I brought your nephew home. I could have killed him after that little fucking stunt, but I didn’t,” Negan responded, setting the glass down on the counter. I watched him carefully as he crossed the threshold of the kitchen and entered the living room. He sat down on the couch, his eyes never left mine.

“He’s just a kid,” I said, frowning from where I was still standing across from him. What Carl had done was extremely stupid, and I was surprised Negan hadn’t killed him already. Perhaps he was here to dish out a punishment, but I suspected he had other reasons. “He’s home now. You can go.”

“I wanted to see you,” he said it so matter-of-factly that my forehead bunched in confusion at his statement.

“Oh come on,” Negan leaned back and stretched out. “Don’t tell me you forgot about our little encounter.” His legs were parted slightly and I couldn’t help but glance down for a split second, but it was just enough time for Negan to catch me.

He chuckled.

“That’s what I thought.”

I turned my head away and closed my eyes, exhaling loudly. He wasn’t going to get to me like last time.

“Leave,” I growled, still not looking at him.

Negan snickered again.

“Still pretending you don’t like me?” His voice was low and sounded like gravel. “See, I don’t fucking buy that for a second.”

I didn’t hear him get up, but in seconds he was right in front of me, closing the distance, just like the first time we had been left alone together. I didn’t move, and stood my ground as he lingered over me.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since my last little visit.” His breath hit my skin, and his face was inches away from mine. I refused to look at him, and I felt his large hand start to grab my shoulder.

My body was starting to betray me yet again. I could feel my arousal build as Negan stood near me. I didn’t understand how he did it; how he could make me hate him so much, and want him so bad. My breathing sped up as he placed his other hand against my chest and I turned to look at him.

And I could see the want in his eyes was just as bad as I knew it was in mine. Part of me wanted to shove him back onto the couch, and the other wanted to strangle him.

He opened his mouth to speak when a loud cry rang from upstairs, cutting him off. In an instant, I felt sick to my stomach.

Judith.

She must have woken up, and was crying for someone to come get her. Negan’s head tilted up to look at the ceiling, and then he looked back down at me and smiled wide.

He turned to go inspect the noise, but I reached out and grabbed his arm roughly.

“Don’t,” I warned in a low voice.

Negan turned back to look at me grasping his arm.

“I thought you fucking knew by now… I do what I want.”

He pulled his arm away and headed over to the stairs without waiting for me. I couldn’t let him hurt Judith, and before I second-guessed the decision, I headed into the kitchen and ripped the taped gun from the hidden spot in the drawer. I tucked it into the back of my pants and pulled my shirt over it to hide it, and then headed up the steps after him.

He had already found her when I reached the upstairs. Judith was standing up in her crib and looking up at Negan with wide, curious eyes. He smiled down at her and went to reach down to pick her up.

I’m not sure why, but the sight of him with my niece set alarms off in my head. Perhaps it was because I knew what he was capable of.  I felt this sudden need to protect her.

I pulled the gun out and aimed it at him.

His attention was focused totally on Judith, but when I cocked the gun, he turned to me. The smile that usually danced on his lips had disappeared and was replaced with a serious frown.

“Stop,” I ordered. “Put her down, or I will shoot.”

He must have believed me, because he set Judith back down onto the small mattress within seconds. She whined a bit at the realization she wasn’t about to be picked up, but I had more pressing matters than dealing with a fussy child.

“You gonna shoot me in front of your niece, Mr. Grimes?” Negan taunted, taking a step towards me.

I continued to aim the gun at him, but he had already called my bluff.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t shoot him in front of Judith, but that his men were still outside. Killing Negan wouldn’t fix things, and would probably only make them far worse for us. The moment I killed him, they would be on us in moments, and they would probably kill me, Carl and Judith. Rick wouldn’t be able to go on without his family.

I really hadn’t thought this through.

I was glaring at him as he continued to walk towards me. He reached out a hand and placed it over the gun, lowering it so it was no longer aimed at him. He pulled it from my hand, and once it was completely out of my grasp, I felt a sudden terror. The one thing I had to stop him was now gone.

He tucked the gun in the front of his pants while still watching me closely.

“I thought we got all of these,” he muttered low. I continued to scowl at him. At least his attention was back on me and not on my niece.

“You’re a bit of a rebel, aren’t you?” he said, that sick smile returning to his face. I continued to glare at him and he stood close to me again.

I didn’t have time to answer him with a witty remark. Before I knew it, he was grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the room. Judith began to cry as we exited the room, and I turned to look at the direction she was in, but Negan forced me forward.

We stopped in the hallway, and he shoved me up against the wall roughly with one hand, his fingers pressing hard into my skin. He set the bat head down onto the carpet, still gripping it, and he leaned his head next to my ear whispering low,

“Go ahead and take your gun back, Mr. Grimes.”

He was testing me, in more ways than one.

He pressed his body forward, and I could feel the pistol inside the front of his pants push into me. I looked up at him, still scowling. He had that grin plastered across his face, and raised his eyebrows at me.

He really didn’t think I would do it.

To his surprise, I slipped my hand down the front of his pants, not breaking eye contact. My fingers felt the plastic of the gun, and then something else almost as hard.

His grip tightened on me as my hand moved closer to his body; my fingers left the gun and felt more of him. I wrapped a hand around the bulge beneath his boxers and softly squeezed.

Negan closed his eyes and hissed out. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. I could have pulled the gun out and shot him right then and there, but instead, there I was—fondling him in the hallway.

And once again, I was enjoying it.

I loved the way his face twisted in pleasure and he started to breathe hard. I watched him in fascination, and then pulled my hand back and went to grab my gun.

Negan’s hand was on mine in a split second, preventing me from taking the gun. He opened his eyes, looking at me again.

“If you want this,” he thrust forward, pressing the gun back into me, but I had a feeling he was referring to something else, “you’ve gotta earn it.”

He didn’t give me time to answer. Suddenly, he was gripping my shirt, and I was pulled down the steps.

We were out the front door in seconds, and his grip tightened on my arm as he dragged me towards one of their trucks. I turned to see Carl was running out of the house shouting in my direction. I already knew what was happening, and a part of me was glad it was me and not someone else.

“Go to Judith!” I called out to Carl, as Negan’s men gathered near the trucks. I looked back over to see that Rick and Aaron had returned. He rushed over to where Negan was pulling me, and then shoved me towards a few of his men.

“Load him up!” he ordered, turning away from me. I felt multiple arms grab me, and I was pulled up inside a delivery truck.

“Wait!” my brother yelled, going up to Negan. His men didn’t shut the doors, and I saw Rick look at me with frantic eyes. “Take me instead!” he begged.

“Your brother broke the rules!” Negan hissed. “Bet you didn’t know he was packing heat, did you?” Negan pulled the gun out from the front of his pants, and pointed it at my brother’s face.

“NO!” I shouted, thrashing to try and get away, but his men pushed me down onto the floor of the truck, knocking the air out of my lungs. I tilted my head up to see Negan was no longer pointing the gun at Rick, and instead was walking over to a truck.

“I’m taking your brother, Rick. In the meantime, you should talk to your son. He’s had a busy day.”

Rick looked at Negan in confusion, still not knowing about Carl sneaking into Negan’s truck and killing his men. Rick looked over at me with sad eyes, and I did my best to look resolute. I didn’t need him to worry about me.

He was the last thing I saw before the truck doors were slammed and the engine started. I looked up to see two of Negan’s men were pointing guns right at me.

I closed my eyes, regretting that once again I had given in to pleasure and flirted with temptation. Now I was Negan’s prisoner, and I had no idea what he had in store for me.

I had truly fucked up.

Chapter Text

The truck doors opened, and I was rushed into a factory building. His men still aimed their guns at me as we walked, and once we reached a black door, they motioned for me to go inside. Not wanting to get shot, I complied.

It was a bedroom. There was a huge bed off to one side, and a living room area on the other. I was studying the decorations when the door opened again and Negan entered, eyes going straight to me and smiling wide.

“What do ya think?” he asked, holding his arms out, as if showcasing the room—his bedroom, I assumed.

I glared at him, and did my best to stand my ground as he took a few steps towards me.

“You’ve got a few choices here, Mr. Grimes,” Negan stated, setting the bat onto a chair. “You can become a Savior and work for me. Or, you can serve me in a better way…” His eyes drifted down to my crotch, and then he smirked.

“I’ll never work for you.” My voice was like ice, and I continued to glare at him.

“Oh, cut the shit.” Negan rolled his eyes. “I am sick of playing these fuckin’ games with you. I know you want me.”

I held his gaze, eyes still narrowed, and I didn’t respond. It was true, I did want him. I also wanted to kill him. He was our enemy, and I hated that he was so fucking tempting.

“Maybe I’m wasting my time here. Maybe I’ll go back to Alexandria and take your brother instead.”

“Leave Rick out of this,” I growled.

“Could introduce him to Lucille…” Negan said, turning to look at his bat.

The idea of him killing my brother enraged me.

As soon as he stopped looking at me, I lunged forward and shoved him with all my strength. He staggered backwards and crashed against the door, before regaining his balance. I had acted out so fast that once again, I really hadn’t thought this action through. Before I could react, Negan was shoving me backwards.

I felt myself start to fall, and my ass hit the mattress. I went to stand, but he was on top of me in a split second, his breaths were ragged and he pressed his bottom half into me.

Once again, he was hard.

I closed my eyes as he started to grind against me. I wanted him so bad, and hated myself for it.

“You can’t fight this forever,” he taunted. I looked up into his eyes, and felt so many emotions—anger, hatred, and god help me, arousal. I could feel myself getting hard just from the close proximity. That scent of his, the feeling of him touching me… I wanted more.

And now we were alone, and my mind went back to that first day I met him.

‘I won’t tell if you don’t.’

That’s what he said, and I wanted to believe him, especially now that he was pinning me against his bed.

Rick and the others… they didn’t have to know.

No one had to know.

And I couldn’t hold back any longer.

My hand slid up to his dark hair and I gripped him roughly, pulling him down towards me, and my mouth smashed hard against his. He didn’t kiss me back right away, but smiled against my lips, and I pressed my tongue inside, forcing his mouth open. I relished the feeling of his beard against my face—it was that rough feeling of his stubble that turned me on even more. When he finally kissed me, it was rough, and he took control of it, pressing his mouth against mine hard. I continued to grip onto him as he moved his lower half against me, grinding his erection into my leg.

He moved his mouth away from mine and I didn’t want him to stop. I tried to pull him back, but he remained lingering above me.

“Take off your pants.”

It was an order, and the sound of his voice brought the feistiness out of me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Fuck you,” I shot, still not able to look away from him.

He grinned and got up off me. I thought he was going to stop, but he started to undo my belt. Once it was unbuckled, he yanked my pants down, bringing my boxers off with them in one swoop. I was already completely hard, but he didn’t look down, and instead was still looking at my face.

“Don’t you dare act like you don’t want this,” he said in a low voice, moving a hand to my hard member.

Fuck me… I do want this.

I grabbed Negan’s arm and pulled him back to me, and kissed him again. He started to jerk me off, and I moaned against his mouth at the feeling of his large hand grasping my firm dick. He pumped my shaft quickly, and I thrust into his hand, desperate for his touch.

He stopped kissing me again and backed up to remove his clothes. First his jacket and shirt, and then I watched him undo his own belts, eager to see the large bulge that was poking out in his pants.

Once his clothes were completely removed, I couldn’t help but stare at his naked body. 

 God, he was perfect.

I couldn’t help but stare at his erection, standing at full attention facing me. I had felt him before, when I had tried to take my gun back. Now I wanted to feel it again, but really feel it.

“You gonna fucking stare all day, or you gonna suck me off?” he teased, standing before me in all his glory. His words always infuriated me, but I was too far gone to care about his snarky remarks any longer.

I slid off the bed and sunk down onto my knees in front of him, taking him into my mouth instantly.

Negan let out a loud moan, and started thrusting back and forth inside my mouth. I closed my eyes at the feeling of his dick pressing in and out. He was huge, but I opened my lips wide so he could press in further with each push.

“That’s it…” he drawled, watching his dick slide in and out my mouth. “Get it nice and wet.”

He didn’t need to tell me where this was headed. I wanted it just as bad as he did.

Once his dick was wet from fucking my mouth, he pulled out and grabbed me by the shoulder, yanking me up and spinning me around to face the bed. I bent over the side, and he leaned over me, pressing his erection against my ass and holding his index, middle, and ring fingers out in front of my mouth.

“Suck,” he commanded. I opened my mouth and took the digits in individually, coating them in my saliva, getting them nice and wet. He pulled them out, and I felt him start to slide them into my entrance. I moaned low, and clutched the bed sheets. He removed his fingers after spreading them a bit, and I braced myself.

Negan slammed into me hard, making me cry out as I felt him inside me. My hands tried to grasp the bed again, but Negan pulled both my arms behind my back and held them there as he pressed in further.

His grip on my arms tightened, and I pressed my face into his bed as he started to pull out a bit and then thrust in farther than before, hitting that perfect spot inside. I groaned loud, and Negan continued to fuck me, hard.

I could feel a pressure building inside me, and my dick pressed into the bed as he moved inside me. Negan was moaning loud as he set a pace, pumping in deeper and deeper, building this intense pressure inside of me. I bit my lip, the pain was almost unbearable, but it was also incredibly intoxicating—so good, that I couldn’t help but succumb to it.

He started to pick up the pace, and I could feel my slit stretching with each unyielding thrust. The rhythm he set started to become sporadic, and after a hard push, he came inside, his grip on my wrists tightening as he rode out the pleasure.

I hadn’t reached it yet, and frowned when he pulled out of me. He let go of my arms and I slid them back down and felt the cool bedding against my palms. I missed the sensation of him being inside.

Negan spun me around so I was facing him, half my body still hanging over the side of the edge of the bed—my dick painfully stiff.

I watched as he lowered himself down before me and took my erection into his mouth. The feeling made me close my eyes and lean back onto the bed. He took me far in; his tongue swirling against my length. My orgasm had already been building when he fucked me, and now he was going to bring me over the edge.

I could feel the parts of his rough beard surrounding his lips rub up against my sensitive flesh, adding to my pleasure. Negan took my dick further into his mouth, and I felt the pressure finally release, emptying myself down his throat.

I watched him swallow all of it, then he stood up and licked his lips and smirked at me.

I tried to catch my breath after the intense high. Once I composed myself, I stood up off his bed just as Negan sat down on it. I picked my pants up and started to pull them back on.

Negan watched me curiously.

“You’re not gonna stay and cuddle?” he teased, leaning to the side and watching me buckle my belt.

I didn’t look up, and concentrated on getting dressed. He chuckled darkly and I glared at him.

“What?” I snapped.

“I thought for sure I fucked that attitude out of you, but apparently not.”

I turned away from him, not wanting to think about what we had just done.

Negan sighed loud.

“I know you hate me, and I can’t fucking change what’s happened. But we can decide where to go from here.” It sounded like he was trying to convince me. “You wanna make this shit complicated, but it doesn’t fucking have to be that way.”

I didn’t want to look at him, but eventually my eyes drifted back to his. His expression was hard to read.

“I won’t tell them,” he promised, smiling a little. He was trying to convince me to relax, but how could I? I had just betrayed my family.

“You killed my friends!” I shouted it, surprising myself, but not Negan. He didn’t even flinch as I blew up at him. “You have ruined Rick! You’ve forced him to turn into such a fucking doormat!” I was practically spitting the words out. “I HATE what you’ve done to him. I fucking HATE you!”

I balled my hands into fists, feeling so much anger. Not just at Negan, but at myself as well. Perhaps I didn’t hate him as badly as I should have, and that made me hate myself. 

Negan stood from the bed and walked over to me, still completely naked. Even though he was completely exposed, he was still just as threatening as ever.

“You can hate me all you fucking want,” he said with a deep, serious frown, “but you enjoyed what we just did. You can’t deny that.”

He was right. I couldn’t deny it. I hadn’t had sex that good in my entire life, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want it to happen again. But all I could feel was guilt. I had completely betrayed my family—laying with a man that hurt them so badly. Rick would never forgive me for it.

They didn’t understand what it was like, to be so fucking lonely back at Alexandria. I hadn’t talked about it, and did my best to ignore that feeling, but it was true. I was alone. I tried to preoccupy myself with tasks and taking care of my family, but I missed being touched—being fucked—being wanted.

I was lost deep in my thoughts, and must have looked so hopeless, because Negan was staring down at me so intensely. His next words hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Stay here. With me.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes, not understanding what he was suggesting.

“Stay, and I won’t kill your brother. Carl, the baby… we won’t hurt them. You have my word.”

Was he joking? He said it with such seriousness. Was he really making me this offer?

My head tilted a bit in confusion, and Negan chuckled.

“When you want something bad enough, you learn to make compromises.”

He wants me that bad?

A part of me detested this man for what he did to the people I loved. Another part really wanted to stay—to be his. He was offering me that, and the chance to protect my family.

They wouldn’t even know about this agreement—but they would be safe.

And that’s all that mattered anymore.

I nodded, looking up into his eyes. I would do anything to protect my family, and he knew that. Perhaps this was his way of making staying with him easier.

“Okay,” I agreed. Negan placed a hand on my arm and surprisingly, it was gentle—so unlike him. He rubbed my arm and smiled.

“Good boy.”