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The Scientific Method

Chapter Text

It was exploration. It had always been Ford’s need to explore, to be curious, creative, inventive, to seek knowledge. He had always needed information, and that’s all it was. Exploration. But that Bill had allowed it, he was astounded. He, a mere human, would be allowed to touch his muse- to discover the body that so intrigued him… to discern if that was a reality or an illusion, to be free to trace the patterns and discover the weaknesses, if any, of such a being. It was an honor. No, more than an honor. More than a privilege. He had to consider this carefully.

Stanford had never really approached Bill with his curiosities, but in his mindscape and, naturally, in his mind, Bill had incredible power. He’d found Ford’s need to discover more about Bill intriguing, and offered a deal right away. Bill would study Ford, and Ford would study Bill. They shook on it. And Bill had begun his investigation immediately. Ford shivered, his body reacting on it’s own.


He couldn’t let sexual interest get in the way of this.

Al-Haythem’s method must be applied, he reasoned. Observation, stating a definite problem, forming a hypothesis, testing of the hypothesis with experimentation, analysing the results, interpreting data, drawing conclusions and- the last step would have to be skipped. Bill had called this he and Ford’s secret after all. Publishing his findings was out of the question. But recording his data in a journal, perhaps, was feasible, he reasoned. In code, naturally. Perhaps in the alien language he had discovered hidden deep below the city, which he had been studying, he thought. Or in Bill’s own language. The idea gave him a sort of superior thrill.

As he was thinking, he sketched the object of his fascination. Bill had a kind of beauty, not in the way that was expected, though. His mind was the most captivating aspect, of course, but more and more, Ford found his thoughts drifting to Bill with strange consequences. The first time, he’d though it was merely intellectual infatuation. Surely it wasn’t sexual.

Ford had always been distant from the sexual side of himself. It wasn’t that he hated the idea so much. He simply didn’t feel what other people felt. Sure, men and women were both aesthetically attractive, he supposed. But he was never any more interested in them than he was in, say, a nice looking car, or the sound of church bells. Pleasant, but certainly not enough to set him off.

He’d had wet dreams, too, mostly in his late teens, just like anyone. But they were inherently non-sexual. Once he’d had a dream that he was peeing, and it turned out he had actually orgasmed in his sleep and not wet his pants at all, which had disturbed him at the time. To this day he wasn’t sure if it would have been worse that he actually wet the bed at that age or if experiencing a climax from that had been more uncomfortable. He’d also had many dreams that he was experiencing some pleasant form of physical interaction- a hug, or an arm around his shoulder, and had ejaculated. This had been especially abhorrent when he entered collage and was plagued by such dreams about Stanley. He remembered feeling despicable and disgusted with himself. Even if nothing in the dream was sexual by definition, his body had responded as if he were enjoying a sexual encounter. Naturally, he missed Stanley, but his relationship with his brother had certainly never been sexual and he had never wanted it to be! He had been Ford’s brother, his best friend! Sickened by his own sexual drive, he had never confided this secret to anyone, sure that he would be deemed even more of a freak than ever.

But soon Ford discovered that bodies simply needed to be used this way. He had researched a problem he’d been having with going to the bathroom right away when he was sure that he had finished, and came to the conclusion that for the sake of proper body functions, he had to masturbate. He had always treated it as a kind of chore, though. Something that had to be done, and was fine, just like washing the dishes or folding laundry. He had never fantasised about anything in particular. He preferred to just feel the touch and rush oncoming, his eyes shut and his mind focused entirely on the task until he had finished himself. Then he would clean up and continue about his day. After this his sexual dreams decreased even further, having never been what most men his age (including his own brother) had reported feeling themselves. Only once since then had he had a wet dream, and it involved him masturbating by himself. It was the most realistic sexual dream he’d ever had. Even up to a few months after he met Bill, he still didn’t fantasise while masturbating.

But then, his position on the matter changed entirely. His mind suddenly wandered away from what he was doing and he began to think of Bill. His heart hammered and his erection came on strong. He abruptly realized he had changed his pace, and even the way he was touching himself was different- more fingers, less full on hands. His thoughts were with the many limbs he’d seen Bill produce- tiny hands-

His fantasy had scared him and he stopped almost immediately. But that night he had a dream that was so intense that he woke up panting with a mess in his shorts. In it, he’d been meeting Bill in the mindscape, but without any explanation, Bill’s hands were wandering all over his body. His eye became lips as he’d seen Bill do to drink his tea, and he planted kisses all down Ford’s body, from his neck to his chest, pausing to suck at his nipples, down to his member. As the strange eye-mouth suckled the tip of his hard penis, Bill’s hands played with him, cupping his balls and stroking him. The whole thing had lasted maybe two minutes. He took a shower and noticed he was still hard. He felt such an intense shame.

Here Bill was, giving him everything he needed to make the portal, and showing absolutely no sexual interest. His friend. His muse! He felt he had betrayed Bill’s trust. What sexual interest would an omnipotent deity like Bill have in humans anyway? He wasn’t sure Bill even had any sexual urges for even his own species. Perhaps his species was so evolved, they didn’t need or want to have sex!

And there was an underlying shame, something about himself, as well. All his life he’d struggled with the idea that he just didn’t feel attraction to anyone or anything. Despite reassurances that he would come to think woman were the end-all, he’d never felt that way. He’d tried his hand at flirting a few times and felt it wasn’t even worth it for what he would get back, which to him was nothing. For most males, sex was the reward of scoring the girl, but Ford simply wasn’t bothered.

He remembered Stanley once awkwardly asking him if he was gay. He had started off with a long-winded and stuttering speech about how he would love Ford no matter what and cared about his happiness. When the question came out, Ford didn’t know how to feel. A large part of him wanted to laugh. He didn’t feel any more attraction to men than he did to women! Another part of him was embarrassed. Had he been so obvious that even Stanley thought his lack of interest in women was due to an interest in men? He stared at his brother so long that Stanley launched back into his interlude about him not making any judgements about Ford. Finally, Ford had waved his hands at his brother and informed him frankly that he just wasn’t interested in sex. After that Stanley was a little awkward about talking about it in front of him. He asked if sex grossed Ford out, to which he replied “Eh,” and put his hand out, tilting it side to side and signalling it was so-so. No opinion. Whatever.

Stan had gone back to talking about girls a lot, which included talking about sex a lot, and Ford went back to reading and conducting experiments. Eventually Stan just learned not to be bothered by Ford’s strange behaviour. Like many other strange things about himself, Ford had learned to embrace this and even came to love it. These were things that made him different, yes, but also special. He even counted this enlightened lack of sexual drive in Bill’s compliments about his intellectual superiority. Surely his ability to focus on his intellect and not on the things that drove most other humans was one of his greatest strengths!

So the question remained: why? All of the sudden he couldn’t stop himself from acting on his desires. One minute he would be working on the portal, pouring over the notes Bill had helped him with. The next moment his hands would be pumping his erection as he fantasised graphically about his mentor. In an especially shocking case, Ford had collected a rare statue of Bill that had been very difficult and pricy to obtain. Rather than appreciate it’s aesthetic and artistic quality, or even respect the fact that this was a statue of his friend, his first action was to cum lewdly on it, moaning Bill’s name as he did so. After this event he showered for more than an hour, quietly crying in shame as he sat on the floor. The water ran colder and colder, as he punished himself with the freezing blast of it.

And then Bill had blessedly intervened. The next time he dreamt of Bill, it was the real things, not a fantasy of his mind. “What’s the MATTER, BRAINIAC?” His mentor asked Ford, as Ford pondered his next move in chess for a little too long. “You seem DISTRACTED.” It was a slight tease, and Ford jumped guiltily. He actually hadn’t been thinking about the board at all. He was watching Bill’s hand (he only had two at the moment) playing with a pawn he had scored. It twirled and titled, and his mind had wandered into dangerous territory. When he jumped, Bill’s eye widened and he said “WOAH there buddy! Kinda WORKED UP, aren’t ya?”

“Worked up?” Ford asked, though he knew, or thought he knew, what Bill meant. “I- I’m not… I’m fine.”

“YEESH,” Bill said “You are a TERRIBLE liar, IQ.”

Ford stared at his feet, sick with himself.

“Don’t look so DOWN. I’m just CURIOUS- a PENNY for your thoughts?” The entity conjured the piece of currency from nowhere and flicked it casually at Ford’s head, where it made contact.

“Ow, Bill!” Ford said, not really angry at all.

But without waiting for an answer, Bill followed his previous statement up with “Oh, I can just LOOK FOR MYSELF.” Ford barely had time to register the remark and look up, and before he could even protest, his thoughts were being broadcast across his dreamscape. All the horrible things he had done and thoughts he had had were splayed in open view. Bill’s eye narrowed.

“NO! NO, BILL, PLEASE! DON’T LOOK!” Ford begged, shielding his own eyes shamefully. Then the torture ended and everything turned slightly blue again. He heard laughter growing louder until it was a terrible echo, and buried his face in his hands.

“Oh, SIXER!” Bill said, as if he were getting a kick out of his. If Ford had been looking, he would have seen Bill wipe a tear from his eye. “Why so SHY, Fordsie?” He added. “I have to ADMIT, I’m a little FLATTERED, actually.”

Ford chanced a peek at Bill through his fingers, still blushing furiously. “You- you are?”


Ford stared at him in disbelief. “I… I don’t know what to say…”

“Anything you WANT, Sixer! Let’s have a party with THAT one RIGHT NOW!” His eye suddenly reflected the image of his own millions of hands roaming up Ford’s dick. Ford would have sobbed had he not been so shocked.

“Wha- you can’t be serious!”

Bill floated down to Ford’s level and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Oh, but I am! Let’s take another look at those fantasies! Oh, THIS ONE, am I right?” He jabbed a thumb towards the image of the statue being coated in slick white cum.

“Bill, please don’t… I’m so sorry…”

“HA! Sorry you got CAUGHT maybe!” Bill buried his hand into Ford’s hair next, resting there as if Ford’s shoulder and head were the epitome of comfort. “Mmm… this is nice, don’t you think? What can I SAY, I’m pretty INTERESTED to see where this is going. That is, IF you agree not to share our little SECRET with anyone.”

“You aren’t… disgusted?”

“HEY, just because you’re a lesser species doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun. I mean, AFTER ALL, I like to get a little WEIRD every now and again. This DEFINITELY counts! It’s gonna be a GREAT experiment!”

Ford blushed harder, but for the first time, he dared believe that Bill wasn’t just joking. He liked jokes a lot. But he was considering this a learning experience, and Ford took that as his cue to see this as education as well. He felt much less guilty about his interest in Bill now that it was being phrased this way. Stanford shivered, starring straight ahead, not really looking at anything, but just letting possibilities spring into his mind. Something stirred in his body, and Bill said “Still thinking up your next move?”

“No…” Ford admitted slowly. “But Bill… you’re always saying I’m much unlike other humans.”

“You don’t agree?” Bill asked casually, as if the answer didn’t matter in the least.

“No, I do. But I thought you were, in part, referring to my lack of need for sexual conquest.”

“Wow, Brainiac. Leave the SAT words OUT OF it.” Bill said, but he continued nonetheless. “Anyway, I don’t care about things like your SEXUALITY, and even if I DID it wouldn’t matter. After all, what you fantasised about wasn't NORMAL either.” A fair point, Ford thought.

“Shall we take a look into that BRILLIANT MIND one more time?” Bill said as he ruffled Ford’s hair and traced his jawline with one finger. It almost sounded like a threat.

“No need.” Ford said “Though I… I’m not sure how to… after all, this space isn’t actually real…”

“Does it have to be?” Bill asked, floating out in front of Bill with his hands behind his back, as if he were utterly comfortable talking about this. Stanford felt like an immature child all of the sudden. Why wasn’t he capable of simply discussing this like an adult?

“I.. does it?”

“OF COURSE NOT!” Bill said, “But if you’re looking for something more REAL, I got JUST THE THING!”

“I… I’m sorry… I don’t know what to do or.. or say-“ Ford stammered apologetically, feeling like a failure. Here Bill was offering him everything, being overtly sexual, and he didn’t even know how to flirt back!

“What to say, huh? Just say YES.” Bill offered his hand, “I’ll make you a SEPARATE DEAL, Stanford. I’ll conduct an investigation of YOUR reproductive system, an you make some discoveries about MINE!” Bill said jovially.

Ford smiled sheepishly. “V-very well…” He took Bill’s hand, feeling like he was in a dream, “Are you sure about this?”

“SURE I’M SURE.” They shook, a blue fire igniting over their hands.

Almost at the same time that Ford had shaken his hand, he’d woken up outside of his own body again, hovering nearby.

“DISCOVERY, Fordsie. It really is SOMETHING.” Bill said in his own voice, and Ford blushed to see his own body splayed out, naked. “I’ve already examined this fleshsuit from TOP TO BOTTOM, LEFT TO RIGHT, and I’ve got to say I’m pretty PLEASED, STANFORD…” Bill said in a teasing voice. “But not NEAR as pleased as I’m gonna be NOW. I’m gonna take you APART tonight, baby!”

Ford squirmed. His out of body experiences had been daunting in their own way, and Bill had been possessing him more and more frequently. But they were also intoxicating in a way. Even if Bill hurt him on accident, as he often did, as careless with Ford’s flesh and blood as if it were painless to, say, get a second degree burn, he always felt closer to the entity once his body had been newly vacated. He wanted more of that, and Bill delivered.

But his body had never been used like this before, not even by himself. He was never naked when he reached climax. He just let his pants down, orgasmed, wiped himself off, trashed the tissue, washed his hands, and went to sleep. Methodical. Practiced, but not for pleasure. Surely no one else had ever come into contact with his naked body, either, other than for a check-up at the doctor’s office. Even though he wasn’t inside his body, he felt oddly exposed.

But Bill didn’t seem to notice his discomfort. He wrapped Ford’s hand around his own cock and began to play with the tip near the thumb. “Got anything wet for me?” He questioned.

It took him a few seconds to puzzle out what Bill meant. “You mean lubricant?” He asked.

“Uh, DUH, Brainiac!”

“In-in the drawer…” Ford managed.

Bill reached over to the drawer and pulled it out unceremoniously. He popped the lid off of the oil and squeezed it onto Ford’s hand until it was dripping. Ford went to tell him he didn’t need that much, but when his eyes met Bill’s it was clear that he was teasing Stanford.

“I’ll… give you some.. privacy…” Ford said uncomfortably.

“What? Where are you GOING, IQ?” Ford’s own eyes narrowed as if Bill was suspicious.

“I just thought-“

“You thought wrong- sit your ghostly ass down right there and watch me GO TO TOWN on this thing.” Bill demanded, pointing to the edge of the bed. Then he fisted Ford mercilessly. Ford winced, though he couldn’t feel anything. Usually he did anything Bill wanted, but this time it was making him uneasy. Unaccustomed to sexuality, it was too much to watch his own body participating in such a lewd act. There was a… chaos, perhaps was the right word.. a chaos to it, and he couldn’t imagine what Bill was doing would be pleasurable to him if he could feel it. This time Ford chose to resist.

“Perhaps I ought not to-“

“SIT DOWN, STANFORD.” He started at the garbled and angry voice and sat down immediately, or did the equivalent of sitting. He’d never heard Bill sound like that, his voice deep and suddenly dangerous. But a second after he complied, Bill’s voice was normal again. “Good job, Forsie, now…Even I can tell you haven’t been treating your body with the proper care! OOOH! The SLIGHTEST TOUCH gives your body the shivers!” He said, clearly delighted.

“I… I’ve never really needed…” Ford began, but the sentence dropped clean out of his head when Bill reached his fingers right down between Ford’s legs and pushed two inside.

Bill gasped. “Wow! That’s the ticket! You should TRY this, IQ!” Ford felt like burying his eyes somewhere far from here. It was humiliating watching Bill do this to his body. He was mortified to hear Bill ask casually “So, what do you think~?”

“I… I know the prostrate gland is there, but I’ve never actually attempted….”

Bill cut him off to say, “Wow, that’s TIGHT.” Then he added “Yeah, I’m not actually reaching that. HEY do you have one of those things humans like to stick in their orifices? Now THAT would be a kick!”

“No, I don’t! I don’t have anything here at all. I don’t really… I never really…” He was stuttering and blushing again. It was intolerable to be so exposed in front of Bill.

Bill paused his exploration of Ford’s body and looked slowly down at Stanford. He felt his nonexistent heart drop into his equally nonexistent stomach as the being contemplated him. “WELL, WELL, WELL, Could it be? Our brainiac here is an actual virgin! I could sacrifice you to any number of gods for the BIG BUCKS!”

Ford shivered. Something about the way Bill was looking at him…

“Well, I’m ready to POP THAT CHERRY, Sixer! But FIRST, I wanna hear you SAY it!”

“Say what?” Ford asked nervously, thinking he might just know the answer.

“Isn’t that the one million dollar question? I KNOW you know the answer! Get if wrong and I might have to TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR SKIN.”

“Yes, Bill, I’m a virgin.” Ford nearly whispered. It had stopped bothering him long ago, about the time he began feeling like this made him somehow special. Saying it to Bill was somehow still embarrassing.

“OH? And what do you want me to DO about that?”

“I thought this was an… exploration… a moment for discovery…” Ford couldn’t keep the accusation out his voice, though what exactly he was accusing Bill of, he didn’t know. Enjoying himself? Hardly a crime. And he had invited Bill to do just that, after all.

“I’m doing LOTS of discovery, aren’t you?” Bill said with just as much fire. “But if you feel that I’m OVERSTEPPING my bounds-“

“No, no! That’s not it at all!” Ford said quickly, feeling guilty.

“Besides, isn’t this what humans do? DIRTY TALK?” Bill said, a cruel edge in his voice.

“I don’t really know…” Ford admitted.

“It was a rhetorical question. The answer is yes.” Bill said irritably, as if Ford was stupid for not knowing, which he had to admit, maybe he was. Then Bill looked around the space. “Aha!” Swiftly, he guided Ford’s body to the work desk in the corner. “Just what the DOCTOR ordered.” He picked up a test tube from a row of them and laid back down on the bed, where he immediately slicked the glass with lube.

“Bill, what are you doing?!” Ford said in panic. “I’m not even sure those are clean!”

“Why’s that matter?”

“You can’t… if they have some kind of chemical or substance, you shouldn’t put it… inside of me!”

“How do you know I’m putting it INSIDE, Sixer? You asked me what I was doing~!”

“Bill, that’s just a phrase! My god! Bill, at least check it’s safe before-!” But that’s where the sentence ended.

“WHOOPS! I SLIPPED!” Bill said as he popped the glass tube into Ford’s anus, bottom first. Ford just stared at him, knowing whatever damage it was going to do, it had already done it. Bill laughed maniacally, then began to move the tube in and out “Let’s hope this doesn’t get stuck, hey, Fordsie?”

He knew it was physically impossible, but Ford felt like he was going to pass out. He didn’t know what to do or say, so he just watched Bill move the tube in and out of his rectum, growing more and more vocal by the second.

“Oh, now THAT’S good! That’s REALLY good! Fordsie, you’ve GOT to try this next time. Think of me while you’re doing it! I think I’d like that.” He followed this statement with some deep moans as the tube moved in and out, and then took to describing it to Ford. “It’s like when you touch that spot, BOOM ELECTRICITY! Actually, this is quite interesting. Totally separate from the sensation when I’m doing something kinky in my REAL form. WOAH!” He had gone to sit up slightly to see Ford more distinctly and something had clearly felt amazing. Ford’s ghostly projection tensed, though it didn’t feel anything like tensing in his own body. Bill laughed again, then repeated the motion. “OH!” and again “OH!” He continued on this way for quiet some time, then said “ Hey Fordsie, you’ve had an- OH-HOHO! GOOD! - an ORGASM, right?”

“I…yes, I have.” Ford said honestly.


“I’m not sure. It doesn’t feel very powerful for me.”

“I feel all tingly back there.” Bill said gleefully.

“That doesn’t sound like-“

“Oh! OH! OOH OH!!” Ford’s body started to spasm powerfully as Ford watched Bill, and he started speaking his language fluently- a strange experience, as he was in Ford’s body and watching himself speak ciphers with such fluency was in itself strange. “LE LE LE LE LE! Kl, kl, qefp fp ABCFKFQBIV-!” The test tube shattered as Ford looked on in horror. “GNIMOC MI DROFNATS!!” Bill lay shivering on the blankets in total silence, Ford’s eyes closed and his sheets and half the floor covered with semen.

Stanford could scarcely believe what had just happened, and his head was screaming THE TEST TUBE BROKE THE TEST TUBE BROKE INSIDE!

After two or three minutes, Bill let out a huge groan. “Wow, Sixer! Feels mighty powerful to ME!”

“Bill the test tube…” Ford said numbly.

“Oh, THAT- yeah it doesn’t hurt THAT badly.” Bill said simply, “BESIDES, this really packs a punch! Feels WAY better than you implied back there!”

“Bill, please… the tube…”

“Oh, relax!” Bill said, and he began to rip the pieces out one by one, throwing them carelessly in a pile by Ford’s bed. Ford sat silently with his head down. Eventually Bill looked at him for a while, and though Ford wasn’t looking at him, he seemed to make his mind up about something. “Oh, common, Fordsie- maybe it will hurt a little but I had a great time with you.” He said in his usual, much more gentle, voice. “Your body is AMAZING! I can’t believe you don’t do this very often! Next time think of me and put something up here. Maybe you’d better invest in something. I might want to do that again.”

Ford’s head remained bent. “Hey, Sixer, you’re not mad at me, are you? It’s not like it’s the first time I was CARELESS with your physical form.”

“Oh, Bill… this was… I’m not comfortable with this.” Ford said breathlessly.

“What? Okay, WOW. Sorry I didn’t realise my presence wasn’t required!”

“It’s just you were so rough with me!” Ford said, his voice begging Bill even as he defended himself. “No, no, please don’t leave! I’m sorry!” He put his hands right through his own wrist trying to hold Bill down. “I just wish you’d be more gentle with my body. I’m only human! I’m sorry, I can’t help… how I feel.” He said the last part in such a defeated voice that Bill passed a hand through Ford’s head trying to fluff his hair.

“Oh shit.” He swore. “Sorry, Sixer, can’t comfort you now. If you HATED it so much-“

“It was fine until the tube snapped!”

“-why didn’t you just STOP me?” Of course, Bill considered, Ford wouldn’t know that he coudn’t have, and it might be just enough to get him to shut up about how mistreated he felt.

“I don’t want to eject you from my body, Bill!” Stanford said angrily. “I just want… I want… some dignity!”

Bill tried not to roll his eyes at this, and just barely succeeded. What did humans even do with dignity, anyway? I swear sometimes it’s all I can do not to hurt you, he thought, but he couldn’t say this aloud. Not yet. “You know the solution to THIS ONE, then, don’t you?”


“Pay me back TENFOLD in the dreamscape, baby! We can have a great time in there! Just you, and me, and whatever WEIRD STUFF you want to get up to! I’m pretty much down for ANYTHING!”

“More than me, I’m afraid.” Ford said.

“Pay me a visit soon, IQ. I think I know EXACTLY what you’re looking for!” And with that, Bill vacated the body and Ford reclaimed it, bracing himself for maximum pain. But Bill had been right. It wasn’t that bad. In fact, he felt tired, lazy, relaxed, and warm. In short, he felt he had climaxed, but the sense was still going strong. It had never lasted a whole ten minutes before. He took some deep breaths, feeling the full effect. The pain was almost nothing. He took out the tweezers, but most of the shards were large and had been removed by Bill. He cleaned up the mess, realising he wasn’t bleeding badly, just a few spots. He’d been pretty lucky this time. He had no control whenever Bill inhabited his body, so as he cleaned the glass and cum stains from the floor, he thought of alternatives for Bill to use rather than shards of glass. He needed to get his mind off of the disgusting job of cleaning up after Bill, anyway. He’d never found the mess to be sensual, and even less now that there was so much to clean up, and covered in blood.

Naturally Bill had said he wanted to try this again, so something had to be done. Ford decided to ask Bill to lay some ground rules for sexual use of his body. There were a number of things he found unsavoury that he would like to avoid. And of course he needed to purchase something for Bill to play with, just as he’d mentioned. But the embarrassment of handling such an item by mail, or worse yet, going to get one, was too much for him. I’ll invent something instead. He thought.

Chapter Text

So it was that Ford set to work applying Al-Haythem’s method of scientific exploration. Most of his observation had already been done. First he had to identify a problem… something that needed testing. He was of course too close to the issue, pre-biased. But still, he thought he’d done fine at pin-pointing exactly what was bothering him.

The problem was clearly his sexual attraction to what amounted to a floating triangle with one eye and wearing a top hat and bowtie. Especially considering he didn’t think he’d ever felt sexual attraction to anyone of his own species. Why should he, then, be attracted to a deity instead of a person?

“Would it be more socially acceptable if I were attracted to, say… a being that looked like a beautiful woman?” He reasoned out loud. After a pause, he had to admit the answer was yes, and especially if she had defined breasts and large hips and a thin middle. Blond hair was preferable, apparently. Plenty of men, or even women, could find themselves attracted to such a creature. He looked through history books and made the mental note, though he thought he’d already known this, that gods and goddesses alike were often drawn to suit the tastes of the artist, sexually. But then, Bill Cipher was not a god, actually. He called himself… a muse. Muses returned basically the same results as goddesses. “So, therein lies the issue.” He concluded. He took from his desk an entirely new journal to dedicate to the problem and, instead of his own hand mark, he created a triangle insignia for it. It was a simple sketch of Bill, with the eye in place, but no top-hat, just his limbs resting at the bottom as he’d often seen Bill do when frustrated or annoyed with something. Or tired, perhaps. He looked at it for a long time, realising that he chose this position because he thought it adorable.

Unfortunately, his woes hadn’t stopped with Bill’s exploration, but rather increased in intensity and frequency. He found himself content to satisfy his cravings every night, rather than once a month or once a week, as he had before. He noted in his journal the increase, along with a dream log.

Generally his need for consummation stemmed from two things. Either he had been in the midst of a detailed dream, which were becoming more and more frequent, or he had spent some time in the day satisfying his intellect with something or another related to Bill. Perhaps he spent more time in his study, surrounded by art of Bill, some of which he had even done himself. Perhaps he had been pouring over his notes, and thinking of things Bill had taught him. Or, perhaps he had simply entertained a daydream about his mentor, which usually turned heated. Much of his currant daydreams involved Bill possessing him while Ford was still inside his body, and bringing him to completion where Ford could feel it. This particular fantasy had ended in climax every time without fail, and he wasn’t sure why. It usually involved a test tube.

After Bill’s previous possession, he thought he’d be rather turned off the idea, but his interest only grew. He wanted Bill to possess him again and again. He noted in his journal that this might be a replacement for the sexual act of penetration. It left a bad taste in his mouth, feeling like a serial killer who couldn’t achieve erection and stabbed their victims instead. Then he realized he would be the one being stabbed in that particular comparison, and thought of the glass tube shattering inside of him. No, no… He hadn’t been badly injured. Bill was careless, often. He simply didn’t understand physical forms. If Ford could just teach him a little self-restraint, and perhaps provide the tool he had been craving in the first place…

Not forty-eight hours had passed between that moment and his next meeting with Bill, and the muse was forthcoming this time. As soon as Ford fell asleep and drifted into his mindscape, he saw that Bill had already poured tea and set up the board for Chess. Stanford summoned all the confidence he possessed for calculations and quantum physics and tried to put it into his general and social demeanour. It had never worked before but, hey… Bill did like him for his brain.

“WELL, WELL, WELL,” The entity greeted. “Here to take me up on my last OFFER, Sixer?”

“I’m not ready for my explorations into this matter yet.” Ford said simply, trying to keep his cool as Bill floated opposite of him at the chessboard. He made the first move. Bill studied the board.

“Oh? And why is that? Not INSPIRED? Have I lost my TOUCH?” He moved the piece without even looking at it.

“No, no, of course not.” Ford replied, feeling intensely embarrassed. Bill had done more than enough to his body to inspire. “But I feel I misunderstood the previous problem and I’m considering some possibilities.”

“You’re not just mad about the glass?” Bill asked shrewdly, his voice a few octaves lower and quieter than usual.

Ford sighed. “No.” He said. He moved his chess piece. “But I would appreciate some gentleness. In.. In exchange, I think you will like what’s in the top drawer in my room. I made it for you, last night.” Bill’s eye flickered open and he studied Ford, who blushed “That is.. if you still want… you made a remark about-“

Bill laughed. “Oh, Fordsie, you’re KILLING me! Of COURSE I’m gonna check the drawer- thanks for the HINT! I don’t suppose you could be a little LESS SUBTLE” He made his chess move casually.

Ford stared at the board for a while before asking “Is… is that the only kind of possession there is, Bill?”

“This ain’t 31 Flavours.”

“No, I just wondered… is there any way for two souls to inhabit the vessel at one time?” Stanford tried not to shiver as Bill looked at him again for a long time. He couldn’t tell what Bill was thinking, which made him nervous. But he thought he knew enough to conclude that he had Bill’s attention, at the very least. After a while Bill said “I’ll look into that, IQ. In the meantime, what are YOU gonna do to ME?”

“I’m not sure yet… I haven’t had much time to tackle the problem.”

“You’re thinking too much, Sixer.” Bill said, and it was almost a warning.

“I just want to make sure-“

“I SAID you’re thinking too much.”

Then Ford had opened his eyes, and he was awake. Ford had expected to re-enter that space the next evening, and he spent the day working on a frame for the portal he was making. But there was nothing that night. The next day he convinced himself to go further into the spaceship laying at under Gravity Falls. It was a creepy place, and there was a chasm he couldn’t get past. So the next day, Ford invented a magnet gun that would allow him to stick to the wall of the chasm and prevent a fall. He’d have to see what was down there, of course. Perhaps the crew was even still alive! He thought of asking Bill, and found it hurt to think about him.

A few more days passed after that, and he was gripped with fear and anxiousness more and more every day, sure he had upset his precious muse. After the first few days he panicked. He put all of his resources into his hypothesis. He couldn’t risk his friend, his muse, his happiness, for anything. It was time to form a hypothesis, and a plan.

Soon Ford fell into a deeper depression than he’d ever felt. He had never realized how intensely he relied on Bill for companionship, approval, and touch. He missed Bill running fingers through his hair- even tried to simulate it for himself. It didn’t feel the same, but at the very least it kickstarted his imagination and he was able to finish himself to the subsequent fantasies. Again, with the test tube. Was he attracted to danger? Once he even though about trying it… No, too dangerous. Perhaps it was Bill’s casual use of it that-

More time, more worries. Perhaps trying that machine would make him feel more fullfilled… No, no. It was for Bill. He wanted Bill to be the first to use it, preferably with Ford inside with him…

More time, more worries. He had his hypothesis. He was ready. So where was Bill? Had he insulted him so deeply?

More time, more worries. He felt like punishing himself. How could he have treated Bill this way? How angry was he? Was he gone forever- Ford chocked on the thought.

Unable to concentrate on work, Ford resigned his days to the study of Bill’s features, drawing and touching the works before him in reverence. Finally, in desperation, he even once prayed to Bill, down on his knees, as if his muse could hear him. He begged for forgiveness. Then he fell asleep sobbing at his desk. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had cried so profusely.

Thankfully, it seemed the end of his dread. This time when he woke up, it was in his mind’s place.

“Hiya there, IQ!” Bill was there, cheerfully radiating his light. He did a finger gun in Ford’s direction as he greeted him.

“Bill!” Ford didn’t wait to take his dreamscape in, though it felt like an eternity since he had been there. He leapt up to wrap his arms around Bill, and stopped short. He wasn’t sure if his touch was welcome to Bill. When the muse sighed, rolled his eye, and crossed his arms, he let his own hands drop. But it turned out to be the opposite of what Bill wanted.

“SHEESH!” He slapped one hand over his closed eye “You’re still HUNG UP about this, Sixer? TOUCH me already!” Ford embraced Bill to his chest, the being making a muffled “umph,” that sounded surprised. Then Ford ran one hand gently down the back of Bill’s shape, and Bill hummed, his eye flickering shut on it’s own. They stayed like that for a while, Stanford enjoying the little noises that Bill was making. After a minute or two, he realized his body was reacting to them- or his mind? Something felt… turned on.

He let go reluctantly. “You’ve got a weird idea of FOREPLAY, Brainiac.” Bill said simply.

“Bill, I’m so sorry-“

“Sorry? About what?” Bill demanded, getting impatient already.

“Isn’t that… why you returned? You heard…?” He didn’t finish the sentence, but Bill seemed to catch on. He laughed as his eye suddenly displayed a picture of Ford kneeling.

“WOW, SIXER! Did you actually PRAY to me? Again, I’m FLATTERED, but you know I can’t actually HEAR you, right?” That wasn’t entirely true, but Ford didn’t need to know that.

“You were gone so long…” Ford said.

“Hey, calm DOWN. It’s not like it’s easy to project myself here. I’m a BUSY GUY.” Bill said, splaying his arms animately.

“I thought… our last meeting, you seemed so…angry with me.”

“Common, Fordsie, I can’t praise you constantly.” Bill said blandly, his eyelid and arms drooping. Ford didn’t know what to say to this, so silence fell for a few minutes. Bill took that as his cue to serve some tea. When Ford took it, he said “How’s our little PET PROJECT?” Ford’s heart leapt. He hadn’t worked on the portal in over a week.

After too long a silence, he said “I’m sorry, Bill… I don’t know what’s come over me. I just can’t concentrate on anything…”

“You haven’t worked on it, have you?”

“No.” Ford admitted, completely ashamed.

Bill stole himself. He should have kept on Ford harder after their last meeting. Of course. Humans were so governed by their emotions. Apparently his manipulation had had the opposite affect. Rather than pour himself into work to stop thinking about Bill, the idiot had decided to drown in his misery. If Ford felt lusty and desperate and rejected, he wasn’t going to concentrate on the important things. Then again, if he felt loved and appreciated… it wasn’t hard to work out. He really had been busy, though. Getting pissy with Stanford wasn't going to fix the issue, obviously, so Bill withheld his own emotions. He needed to give more before he could receive. He laughed again.

“Fordsie, FORDSIE, I can’t BELIEVE your species sometimes. Here we are making HISTORY and all you can think about is your dripping COCK!” He teased. “Tell me you AT LEAST worked on that part.”

“I have!” Ford said in defence. Perfect. All’s well that leads to the same end. “I’ve formulated a hypothesis as well-“ A what? “And I’m ready for experimentation.”

Bill tried not to role his eye at this. “DO TELL.” He invited, hoping Ford would feel clever and appreciated if he praised his idea.

“The hypothesis is…” Ford took a deep breath, as if this was difficult for him to say “I’m attracted to odd things, and the odder the better. I mean, the odder, relatively speaking. Strange for my species.”

“I think I know which way THIS one’s going to test.” Bill mumbled. “I’m guess you’re got a PROGRAM for me to follow, then.”

Though it wasn’t technically a question, Ford smiled and said “No!” Bill’s eye morphed into something that Ford had always thought was his way of smiling.

“Well, well, well…” He said, and Ford knew by tone that he had interpreted the expression correctly. “So UNLIKE you, Fordsie.”

“Yes, I know.” Ford said matter-of-factly, “But there is one thing I would request that you do for me.”

“And what’s that?” Bill asked, honestly curious this time.

“As we go along, you could help me test this theory by doing increasingly atypical things.”

“You didn’t like my TEST TUBE idea so much.”

“Didn’t I?” Ford asked, and he was asking himself as much as Bill. “It’s been a reoccurring theme in my subconscious since then. It was a moment of panic for me, but afterwards I have to admit that I felt sated like I never had before, and since then my dreams have always involved that item. Frequently it slips into waking fantasies- I even…” He stopped, blushing. He’d been rambling as he often did about interesting topics, and had almost admitted that he had wanted to try the same thing for himself. But he hadn’t have the nerve to do it.

“GO ON.” Bill said, his frame enlarging to engulf Ford in shadow.

“I even… I even wanted to try it once or twice.”


Bill seemed interested. Ford wondered if this topic was sexually affecting him. “I couldn’t, Bill…”

“HMMMMM. You got yourself a DEAL, Sixer!” Bill said suddenly, “But I’m WARNING YOU, “ he said teasingly “I can get WEIRD.”

“Perfect!” Stanford said with gusto. He was feeling much more confident about this. Lists and set formulas always made him feel at ease. This was measurable, unlike his erratic behaviour of late. Bill returned to his usual size and floated forward so he was right in front of Stanford.

“Go on, then.” He invited. “Show me the HUMAN way.”

Ford urged his hands not to shake as he reached out and plucked the triangle from the air. Bill moved with his touch, not resisting, but still floating. He was actually teasing Ford, sure this nerd didn’t even know how to get started, when suddenly he felt two thumbs tracing his sides upwards. He closed his eye, just feeling the sensation of Ford’s mind pressing in on him- that’s all it was, but it was as sensual and as real to them both as if Bill could step through that portal right away. Now THAT thought got Bill going.

Bill’s peers had never felt any reason to touch each other this way. It didn’t lead to procreation and they were few and far between, and didn’t get along well in the first place. Sexual touch wasn’t even experienced by most species- in any case, it was usually in, out, and shake hands- see you next time, perhaps… maybe… maybe not. Occasionally your lover might try to eat you. Even most animals did it this way, minus the hand shaking (and not always minus the eating). On Ford’s own planet, only apes did this for the sheer fun of it in great numbers, and not always as an instinct either. But Bill had to admit there was something to this… he liked weird things, just like he knew Ford liked weird things (even if he didn’t really know it yet). And this was weird for him. As weird as it got.

He let Ford explore what amounted to his body for a while, fingers and thumbs examining him, followed by a hesitant mouth, moving up one side and down the other. He moaned, not at all on purpose, when Ford licked him up the side he had finished kissing. “Did that… feel good?” Ford asked uncertainly.

“Isn’t that what ‘mmmm’ means to your species?” Bill asked. Ford didn’t answer, but ran his tongue down the other side, then across the bottom. Each was more sensational than the last. He went for the brick pattern next, and it was underwhelming. “That’s not HALF as good as the other thing.” He complained. No sense dragging Ford out on something he wasn’t into.

“Oh, thank you. That’s very helpful.” Ford replied, and Bill barely stopped himself from doing the equivalent to face-palming.

But after that Ford’s tongue and lips returned to caressing the sides. He went up one limb and sucked on Bill’s fingers one by one. Bill opened his eye and studied Ford as he did this. “Not LIGHTING YOUR FIRE, huh?” He asked.

“You can tell?”

“I can feel.” Bill shrugged by holding both hands up.

“Actually I like your hands, so I’m a little surprised.” Ford said quietly.

Bill’s eye went half-lidded and he put both hands into Ford’s hair. He took a deep breath and sighed it out at the sensation, his eyes closing. On one hand, Bill was thinking he’d hardly done anything at all. On the other hand, Ford’s reaction was lovely to look at. He was somewhat connected to Ford’s body here as well, deep within his mind, nestled inside. He was feeling something from that, and now it was time to “test” Ford’s hypothesis. Or rather, to prove it. He knew the answer already.

Ford opened his eyes when three extra sets of hands suddenly sprouted and began to pet him. One of the pairs started to undo his buttons on his coat while another ran up it and played with his nipples. Ford’s skin erupted with goosebumps and he moaned. He noticed that Bill wasn’t in his arms anymore, but that he was in Bill’s arms. Bill had him turned horizontally, supported by his hands as more and more joined them, spilling out from Bill’s body. He felt his pants and coat being removed and reached up to hold onto something, anything- the support his body needed physically in order to mentally processes the information. He was met by Bill’s hands, and as he was stripped naked they held each other’s hands and Ford licked Bill up the side again.

“ECIN!” Bill said slowly, his eyelid drooping. Then it changed to a pair of lips “How about a KISS, Sixer?” Without waiting for a response, he pulled Ford closer and moved the lips over Ford’s human pair. It was Ford’s turn to close his eyes in bliss, even more so as Bill moved down his body, leaving a wet trail of… it wasn’t spit, it was black… but something. Something that, when left behind, was hot to the touch for several minutes. Ford had hardly any composure by the time his nipples were covered with the hot tar. He moaned loudly and reached for his own dripping erection without thinking. Bill smacked his hand.


“Ah, ah, ah!” Bill chided.

“I’m sorry- it’s torture!”

“How’s your hypothesis holding up, Fordsie?” Bill asked incidentally, thinking there was no greater compliment than being told he was torturing him. Ford really knew just what to say.

Ford tried to remember- what was his hypothesis? Everything was disjointed and his mindscape was cracking. He felt disoriented, but the pleasure was unbearably good. He’d certainly never felt this way, even at his apex! After a few minutes he was able to piece together enough brain cells to remember what he was testing for. Surely it was holding true? This was the strangest thing he’d ever done, and he was dripping, dripping. Had he ever dripped before? He did’t think so, but thinking was becoming more and more difficult. “It s-seems to- to… hold water…”

“OH?” Bill asked. Everything turned sinisterly black and yellow, with black being the dominant color, including Bill. Then it seemed the being opened up and something so dark it was almost unseen was furling out. Bill switched to red, then back to yellow, but the change was permanent. He was now accompanied by several tentacles, numbering perhaps in the thirties and about an inch thick each, though very long. There was a very brief stab of terror, then and equally strong need. Ford had no idea where the idea had come from, but suddenly he wanted one of them. He wanted to lick one, just to see if it felt good. He wanted even more than that, but his mind wasn’t ready to admit it yet. Bill didn’t stop to ask, though.

True to his word to keep getting stranger, he grasped Ford with several tentacles and flipped him upside down. He lost no time stuffing Ford’s mouth with one, which, to Ford’s surprise, had a tongue inside of it. Before Bill could even get to the good stuff, Ford was coming. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, the mindscape blinked “NO, you can’t WAKE UP now!” Bill scolded, though it wouldn’t make any difference. The combination of tiny hands dancing up and down his body while one of these- these things licked the roof of his mouth while stuffing him was simply too much. He felt overstimulated and under-stimulated at the same time. Never had Ford come without touching himself, though Stanley used to brag that he could to it, much to Stanford’s chagrin. He bucked in the air, hips thrusting for contact with something, ANYTHING. He moaned and sputtered around the tentacle in his mouth, and somehow thinking of it was a tentacle was so much BETTER than thinking of it was a penis.


Bill’s tentacle switched wildly and the tongue suddenly loaded Ford’s mouth with black goo. Ciphers poured into the mindscape and Bill had to hold back, to his utter astonishment, from seeping everywhere. “Ho, staht yllautca- HAOW, RERXIS, PU DLOH! STAHT-“ A brief pause as Bill pulled out of Ford’s mouth, “ruoy eugnot! Drofnats! Okay, enough! ENOUGH!” he yelled mostly at himself to calm down “WOAH! Sixer! That was quiet a ride! But I’m not done with you, yet.”

“Bill…” Ford barely managed. His body was on fire, no better! He felt nothing but pure bliss. He could feel ever hair follicle on his body. He couldn’t see anything at all but stars and lightning. For the first time in his life he was completely sure that he’d felt an orgasm. It was just as good, no better, no MUCH BETTER than anyone had ever described.

He couldn’t feel anything but pleasure washing over him, until finally he opened his eyes and realized Bill had pinned him down on a bed of books and journals. “Bill-“ he tried, but it was hardly more than a whisper.

“You almost GOT ME, THERE, Brainiac. But don’t worry, there’s plenty more where THAT came from, pun intended!” He cackled madly again, then Ford felt wet tongues on every visible part of his body. He screamed, not sure if he was feeling pleasure or pain. His cock was soft but everything felt too good in the whole vicinity. Then Bill said “In we GO!” and pushed inside of him. It hurt for only a few seconds, then the pleasure hit. Soon he was keening and thrusting toward Bill, unable to keep the rhythm as Bill filled him with ecstasy. Another, fresh tentacle thrust into his mouth and he sucked on it greedily as Bill screamed ciphers, his whole body glitching. The mindscape was plunged into darkness, except the figure of Bill, which was emitting it’s own light. But Ford’s eyes were tight shut, his mouth and tongue working on the tendril and his body feeling nothing but electricity. This time when he came he began to sob- the feeling was so overpowering he felt like he passed out.

Then he felt Bill shaking him “Hey, there, don’t LOOSE CONSCIOUSNESS. You’re already unconscious and I’m not sure I want you THAT knocked out!” Ford shivered with pleasure and managed to focus his eyes. It was clear that Bill had been spurting black liquid everywhere, and that thought alone made his moan, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He didn’t remember anything else until the morning.

Chapter Text

Chapter Three

Ford blinked at the ceiling for a while when he woke up the next day. He felt odd. Relaxed, and… good, in a way… his body felt like it had sunken into the mattress and he really didn’t want to move. He lay there for a while, then he swallowed and realized he was parched. He tried to sit up, only to find his legs crusty and sticky. He reached out and grabbed the water on his bed stand and took a long drink. And it was only then that he remembered everything from the the dreamscape the night before.

He threw the covers off as if he’d felt a spider crawling on his leg. Ford groaned. Naturally, his… stimulation (and it was making him wood just thinking about it) had done something similar to his real body. MIND over MATTER, Fordsie! He could almost hear Bill saying it, following it up with a mad cackle. It wasn’t much mess to clean up compared to glass test tube wreckage, but it was certainly there, and he had always hated the aftermath. He despised it so much that he bought condoms simply so he didn’t have to do the clean-up at all. Well, hardly. He jumped into the shower to wash off, and through everything he had worn and slept in into the laundry machine, his mind becoming clearer and picking up more details every minute. By the end of that he was hard again, but he pushed passed it.

Ford didn’t even notice that he had fallen asleep at his desk and not in his bed, or that he was wearing day clothes under his covers. He had simply woken up and gone about his day as if it was normal to change places during your sleeping hours, because he was so distracted by Bill, Bill, Bill!

Bill had allowed so MUCH! He had not only let Ford explore the full range (he shifted in his chair), but he had seemed to enjoy it himself! And his hypothesis! So far it seemed a valid one. The more crazy things had gotten, the more he loved it. TENTACLES! He nearly flipped the desk in his excitement over the last one.

Even now he felt higher thinking of the ending than of the beginning. Had it just been the awkwardness in the beginning? Insecurity from his skill at touching Bill? Or had his hypothesis been correct? He took out the last journal and documented everything he could remember, complete with sketches, for several hours. He didn’t allow himself to stop even for an erection, until the work was complete. Then he jumped into the shower again purely to beat off, and came out feeling refreshed, but hungry. He’d skipped breakfast, so he put on a coat and headed out into the winter blizzard to the diner he’d seen.


“UH-OH.” Bill sighed as he looked on from his orb. Watching Ford was becoming increasingly interesting of late, he had to admit. But his little pet simply couldn’t put two and two together. This had to stop. “Not THIS again.” Bill said to himself. Then he threw his arms in the air. “I gave you what you WANTED Sixer!” Putting one hand under his eyes, finger and thumb out, he thought about the problem. “Maybe I got a little carried away, too. What can I SAY? I like it WERID- and humans are about as WEIRD as it gets!” It was somewhat ironic that Ford would find him so strange and alien, because that was exactly how he felt about Ford. He loved weird things. He even collected them. And he had every intention of adding this worshipful creature to his collection. But first, the portal needed to be built, and he needed to take over the that dimension- he had a lot to do, and the time for pushing was at hand.

But how to inspire Ford without tipping his hand? “I THINK I know just the thing…”


Stanford was concerned, nervous even, that he wouldn’t see his muse that night, but that fear turned out to be wrong. Almost as soon as he fell asleep he entered his mindscape, exhausted from overusing his body both in his dreams and in his waking hours. But he still hadn’t had enough. It was as if Bill’s interest had awakened something in him: a lust more powerful and insatiable than he had ever known. His disinterest in sex had vanished with Bill’s appearance, and now looking at him was like looking at taboo pornography. Guilt and arousal fought for the upper hand as he watched Bill floating there, his hands behind him and his eye closed, as if he were napping on a beach.

“So, SIXER, did I SATE your APPETITE?” He asked, his eye opening and focusing on Ford.

“N- no…” Ford admitted with a blush. “Rather, I feel even more… more so that…”

“JEEZ, you’ve got a HARD-ON for ME, don’t you?” The entity teased. Ford dropped his head.

“Yes.” He said, and for some reason he felt great shame saying it.

His muse laughed. “Alright, BRAINIAC, you don’t have to CRY ABOUT IT. Is it so bad to like me? Sheesh.” Bill crossed his arms and looked offended, and that wasn’t what Ford wanted at all.

“Not at all! Rather, I thought you might have had your fill of-“

Suddenly Bill was enormous, covering Ford’s vision completely. “I HAVEN’T HAD MY FILL OF YOU, SIXER.” He boomed, but it didn’t sound threatening like it had when he had told Ford to sit down. It was just louder than usual. The words made Ford’s knees buckle and he fell to the floor of his own space. He sat there shivering, consumed by the lust that had gripped his body… consumed by worship. “HAVE YOU HAD YOUR FILL?”

“No…” Ford said weakly. Then Bill shrunk and, hands outstretched, landed in Ford’s arms. Stanford held him tightly, feeling Bill’s heat. It was unbearable being this close to him.

“Ohhhhh a HEARTBEAT, nice.” Bill said, snuggling close to Ford, who chuckled. After a short pause, Bill continued “I have to CONFESS something to you, Ford.”

“W-what is it?”

“I want to be with you in your own dimension… something… physical.”

“I would like that, too.” Ford said, grinning huge. Hmm. Bill loved that grin.

“Then we know what we gotta do NEXT.” Bill said.

“We do? I’m sorry, I’m having difficulty keeping up with this one.” But Bill had always been patient with him.

“Didn’t I MENTION before that if that PORTAL opened we could communicate in PHYSICAL nature?”

“What? I have no memory of you telling me this!”

“Are you SURE?” Bill looked thoughtful.

“I thought the gate would allow me to complete my research!”

“It will, it will.” Bill reassured him. “But it will also allow me to travel from the mindscape into your reality and back again. Like a visit from your old pal!”

“I had no idea, Bill.” Ford said in surprise.

“Well, I THOUGHT we’d talked about this before. Are you SURE?” he repeated. Ford nodded.

“I’m positive you never mentioned this.”

“OH. SORRY, Sixer.”

“But I’m not at all upset, Bill! That’s wonderful news! We can… we can…” He blushed.

“Go ON, I know you want to SAY IT…” Bill teased, his eyelid drooping.

“We can be together.” Ford said, and chills ran down his spine. “If- if that’s what you want!”

“I DO, Fordsie.” He floated up, ripping himself from Stanford’s arms, and clapped his hands together. “Okay, great, let’s work on our little PROJECT, then, SHALL WE? Look, Sixer, I know you’re hot under the collar right now,” Ford blushed harder when Bill pulled at his coat collar a bit to emphasis his point. “But if you can focus for just a little bit, we can get some WORK done, THEN, my hand to… haha, well, not GOD per se, but, I PROMISE, you and I will have a little ALONE TIME before you wake up.”

“That sounds wonderful, Bill.” So they began to work, Stanford doing most of the writing and talking, as he always did. Bill floated near or around him, checking his work and progress, changing small things as he went… teaching. And it felt… fine.

To his surprise, once the work began, Ford felt like his old self again, ignoring the needs of his body so he could finish the job. He was enjoying his time with Bill so much that he actually forgot all about the deal they had made. Bill was keeping track of things for him, though. He fully intended to give Ford a little reward- a taste of things to come, and if Bill loved it, too, then that was just fine. Expected, even. Naturally.

After a hard night’s work, Bill expected Ford was going to wake up soon. Time might be relative, but Ford’s body was well known to Bill and he could sense the mind exiting the realm in which they could currently coexist. “Hm…feels like you’ll be waking up, soon.”

“Will I see you tomorrow night?”

“I might pop in to see you in your body. OH, and I looked into that THING you wanted. Let’s DO IT.” Bill said, spreading his arms and legs in excitement.

“Really? The double minds, one body- it’s possible?”

“SURE IT IS!” Bill said happily, and Ford smiled at him. Cute.

Then Bill reached out and drew Ford closer. Already he was showing tendrils, and Ford remembered their agreement instantly. “Bill…” He whispered.

“We want to PLAY a little before you go, DON’T WE, IQ?”

“Yes…” Ford said breathlessly.

“So TELL ME, did you GUESS right? HOW’s that hypothesis?”

Ford laughed, “It appears to be correct so far.”

“GREAT! Because I wanna try something NEW.”

Ford didn’t have time to correct him or remind Bill that they’d only been intimate twice, and both of those experiences would have been surreal by usual human standards. Bill was splitting up at the brickwork, and he was growing, too. Black liquid began to spill from his cracks, and soon he was ten times Ford’s size. “How do you like SIZE PLAY?”

Ford tried not to be nervous, but his mouth ran dry. He had trouble imagining what Bill could possibly do with this kind of size difference. “I… are you making that up? I’m fairly certain that’s not -“ a real kink, is what he meant, though he wasn’t sure he could say that without blushing horribly. Bill took it off his hands, though.

“IT SURE IS, SIXER, and your’e about to get THE FULL EXPERIENCE.”

Ford looked down, realising for the first time that he had dropped to his knees for the second time. It was pretty intimidating, but just as he started to have second thoughts, Bill’s hands reached down and scooped him up. He was like putty to this incredible creature, loosing his nerve entirely. Instead of seizing up, he let Bill take all the control, closing his eyes gently. “WOW, you really know how to RELAX, FORDSIE.”

“Try to be gentle…” Ford begged, his voice cracking unintentionally. That’s when he realized, for the first time, that he didn’t entirely trust Bill to do just that, despite the fact that Bill followed this request with a vehement affirmative.

“SURE THING, SIXER!” Then he ran one finger (it felt bigger than a hand) through Ford’s hair “So FLOOFY!” He said cheerfully, then the finger traced down Ford’s back. Then the triangle moved Ford, sitting with his legs to the side on Bill’s hand, toward his body. The tendrils snaked out again and took ahold of Ford, his heart hammering wildly. It took him a few minutes to realise he was gong into the cracks of Bill’s form, which was still gushing black void. He didn’t struggle even when he felt the heat of it as Bill bathed him. He gasped, his whole form covered in the liquid, and felt the first stirrings of his erection since Bill had presented this daunting size. Bill moaned his name and stripped him of his clothing. “STanFOrd…” Bill cooned, his voice sounding distorted “YoU Look SO GOOd- GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT-”

Ford screamed and began to struggle against Bill’s hand and body. He was being sucked into one of the cracks in Bill’s brickwork pattern. “Calm DOWN, Brainiac! I’m not out to HURT YA.”

“Bill- no! No, I’m not ready for this!” He pleaded. To his own surprise, he halted, though everything below his chest was still in the enveloping heat of Bill’s form. Abruptly, he was spun so he could look up at Bill’s eye. One of the many hands slipped below him and supported his top half easily.

“Can’t handle the HEAT, Fordsie?”

“I… I don’t know about this…!”

“You’re doing just FINE, don’t WORRY.” Bill said casually, waving one of his hands. “Wait ’til I GET GOING.” With these words, Ford felt a pulling on his lower half, taking the heat up even more. Then it felt like something was sliding over everything down there, caressing every part of of him, and he threw his head back, his erection returning full-force. He threw his head back, and this time when he screamed it was in pure bliss.

He could feel nothing but the beautiful rush of Bill’s- were they tendrils? Those seemed to be outside of his body- but something wet was definitely slicking him up. He had been absolutely covered with the black sticky mess Bill was making, and now a single tentacle presented itself to him. “Stuff your mouth with THAT, Sixer.” Bill commanded, and Ford obeyed without hesitation, moving his tongue and lips against the invading limb, his eyes slipping shut.

Bill spouted a smaller hand to remove the glasses Ford was wearing. Then he set them down and stroked Ford’s hair with the limb, even as his insides stroked Ford’s cock and legs and torso. A string of ciphers poured from his consciousness at the same time Ford’s built-up world began to shake and sputter. “Tel em ekat uoy, sey uoy leef os doog-“ Bill knew his colors were changing, but he’d never been very consistent anyway. His shapes were changing too, and when Ford opened his eyes he stared at Bill, rapt with awe. His jaw went slack and his eyes wide, watching Bill switch from black to purple, from a many-tired pyramid to a basic shape.

“Keep SUCKING me,” Bill ordered, bordering on real anger “OH, and take THIS.” The feeling that Ford had been enjoying reversed itself, and something was wiggling up inside him. It was wet enough, but they seemed small and once they were inside, they didn’t keep sliding. They lodged themselves and wiggled against the walls of his insides and caressed his prostrate. Ford was positively weeping now, unable to take the amount of pleasure he was feeling, so it was just icing on the cake when Bill’s smaller hands came out to flirt with his nipples. It was slightly too hard, but Bill wasn’t taking many precautions to keep him from climaxing. A few seconds of that and Ford was coming apart, mewling and keening and trying to hump Bill, which of course was impossible. Then he was coming and coming and screaming, too. Ciphers were pouring into the air- some of them physically visible, but most of them auditory, in the same sputtering voice Bill had been using.

If Ford thought that was the end of it, he was dead wrong, though. After his clear orgasm, Cipher kept pounding him. He came again in the same fashion, and then Bill really started to play. Strangely it didn’t really feel like anything but pure pleasure, but it looked like a horror show to Ford. Bill reached his hands right into Ford’s chest and ripped it open, exposing his heart, his rib cage, his organs- then whatever had been digging into his rectum made an appearance. They were as pitch black as the surrounding- Ford would later simply refer to it as Bill’s semen- sticky-wet substance, but they had form, like so many wiggling globs pouring through his body. Ford nearly blacked out at the picture of it, but managed to regain his composure somewhat as he felt the sweet rapture it was painting through his whole being.

The third time he orgasmed came swiftly after, and darkness was on it’s heels. Abruptly, Bill let go and woke Ford on his own, which had had never done. But it was better to wake Ford than to put him in a comma, even if Bill hadn’t entirely gotten what was his yet. He was still coming- it took his species a good deal more time.

As Ford was waking up, Bill zipped back to his original form and exited Ford’s mindscape. “Well, THAT was fun, wasn’t it, Fordsie?” He asked, though his plaything couldn’t really hear him anymore. He floated there in bliss for a minute, enjoying the game, enjoying the lingering feel of Ford’s mindscape, enjoying the aftereffects of his release. This was totally worth it.

Worth it.

Ford jolted out of bed, still coating the covers and his underwear in slick white mess. As soon as his climax had been completed, his hands felt over his whole body in a moment of panic and found his body in tact. Of course it was. It wouldn’t hurt him in the mindscape, though if Bill tried that in real life… He collapsed onto the bed and was instantly asleep again, his pulse dropping.

Bill was there. “Hiya, IQ! Had to wake you. Don’t want you to fall into a COMMA.”

Ford looked around. His mindscape was relatively clear compared to before. He was panting, and his clothing was still off, his chest still open. “Bill… this is… terrifying…” He gasped.

“YOU were the one who said you wanted to get as WEIRD as we could.” Bill said, pointing his fingers at Ford, who shook his head at the ground. “Besides, as soon as I did THAT-“ He snapped his fingers and Ford came again, an intense pleasure washing over him.

“Y-you can ju-just DO that?” Ford nearly screamed.

“SURE, I’m a triangle of MANY TALENTS.” Bill said with a shrug. “But you like it when it’s ABNORMAL. Trust me,Fordsie, you do the WEIRD stuff. I LIKE that.” He tried to wink, which came off incredibly well despite his one eye. Then Ford’s body was repaired, though not clothed. He sat back on his hindquarters and took Bill into his arms when offered. He held the triangle close to his chest.

“You’re… terrifying… but… good.”

“NATURALLY.” They stayed like that for some time, even after Bill’s eye drooped shut.


Analysis took very little time the next morning. Ford cleaned himself up without even a mental complaint and documented the second test in his journal just for Bill- a rush job. Then he got to work on their portal. After all, though understanding his own sexuality was interesting work, he could hardly wait to test it physically. Perhaps his body wouldn’t be able to withstand Bill, or he wouldn’t be as willing to be intimate physically. He certainly hoped not. And perhaps he would actually respond more! There were many possibilities. He couldn’t further his tests in this area until his Muse was physically present. He worked tirelessly for two days, and when he saw Bill he tried to keep it professional, and explained to him that he wanted to finish the portal quickly. Bill understood, even encouraged Ford to keep focus.

And that’s when Fiddleford arrived.

Back in college, Fiddleford and Stanford had bonded over Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons, their lack of social graces, their total fascination with alternate dimensions and universe theory, and of course, the fact that both of them had been called “Ford” most of their lives. Fiddleford started going by his full name (shamelessly, too), and offered to call Stanford “Stan,” which he explained was out of the question. Ford continued to go by this nickname throughout college- it felt strange to be called “Stanford.”

He picked up Fiddleford at the bus station. It had taken him weeks to get to Gravity Falls, and Ford couldn’t exactly tell him he’d squandered several of those on sketching an inter-dimensional being that happened to be his lover. He had hidden his research well, though, and had multiple doors leading to different levels under the house he had built. Before Fiddleford arrived, he hid the most beautiful things in his collection in a secret room downstairs. Fiddleford wouldn’t be able to reach it with the code he’d be given. And Ford had also warned Bill of his friend’s impending arrival. Bill hadn’t seemed hot on the idea, he seemed jealous, in fact, but Ford assured him that Fiddleford would be there to help and to further his work on the portal. Nothing more. And they had never been like that, as Ford had been disgusted by the very idea of another human- ugh.

But despite the secrecy, he wanted Fiddleford to like Gravity Falls, and to like working with him. Fiddleford was a brilliant mind. He wasn’t BILL of course, but he was brilliant, and they’d always gotten along well. He was the first friend… the first chosen friend… that Ford had ever had.

To his own surprise, he greeted Fiddleford with a hug when he alighted. “FORD!” Fiddleford yelled “I recon you look a lil’ different!” Fiddleford commented, giving him a huge hug back.

“Do I?” Ford asked, though he knew it was true. Even he knew he had a brightness that he hadn’t had at Backupsmore. Besides that, he felt relaxed and happy now that he and Bill were… whatever they were. They were together, at least. Ford couldn’t have asked for more (but Bill did, so he kept giving. He would give anything Bill wanted. He would give his very blood). Besides all this, he really felt more open and caring as well. All of his life he’d been teased for being a freak, beaten by people who didn’t understand him, harassed and hurt and even betrayed by his own-

But having graduated and found people at Backupsmore that understood him- finally- and now having had the pleasure of knowing his Muse, everything felt so right.

“Ya sure do!” Fiddleford said, and he picked up his bags again. “Ya got car or somethin’”

“I had one,” Ford said, scratching the back of his head “It was destroyed three weeks after I got to Gravity Falls!”

“Drifftin?” Fiddleford joked, then he spit. Ford laughed, helping his friend by taking his bag.

“No, no, it was crushed and half-eaten by a paranormal beast.” He knew Fiddleford wouldn’t take it seriously and wasn’t surprised when his friend laughed, probably assuming this was a joke. But it actually wasn’t. What little had remained of his car was unusable by now. But he had a way to win Fiddleford over this time. Bill had instructed him of something that had been a curiosity of his for some time. And now he was going to show it off. Besides, he was a bit nervous to go down that chasm alone, even now that he had a way to do so… “Would you like to do some sight-seeing? I’ve got tons to show you!”

“Paranormal beasts?” Fiddleford questioned sarcastically, but in a good-natured way. He loved “sci-fi weirdness and paranormal crap-“ oh it HURT to hear Stan’s voice in his head- but he didn’t believe in it.

“Yes!” Ford said nevertheless, and honestly. Fiddleford laughed again, slapping his knee.

“Sure!” He said, “Let me break out my ghost hunting rod!”

“It’s not a rod, it’s an EMF meter.” Ford said automatically.

“Oh, my apologies.“ Fiddleford always pronounced this word like “appologeeze.” And Ford knew that Fiddleford knew what an EMF meter was, of course.

“Alright, fine, fine. You don’t believe me. We’ll see.” Ford said mysteriously. Joking and laughing, they got a taxi out to the farthest reaches of Gravity Falls. While they were riding, they had a long conversation about how everyone was doing, which included news that their friend Spencer had gotten married (Ford was surprised, but then again, he had been with an inter-dimensional deity twice now), and Angelina was woking for NASA (Ford wasn’t surprised by that even a little). Fiddleford had kept playing Dungeons, and asked about Ford’s progress, which he regretfully admitted he hadn’t been keeping up with. After all, there was no one to play with. He’d tried to rope Bill into playing with him once, but the Muse had laughed and steered the conversation back to theoretical physics.

Ford set his friend up in the attic on a rickety bed, though apologetically. Fiddleford wasn’t bothered by it at all, or by Ford’s mess, as usual.

“It’s not much-“

“I recon it’s the best hotel I’m gonna get for my dime!”

Ford chuckled. It felt good to have company, as much as he appreciated Bill’s. “Well, most of the rooms are packed with some dangerous things. Of course I know you can handle it- I’d like to try experiment 7 with you, actually. Just a brief test. I’m fairly confident it will work. But I digress, my friend. I’ll show you the bunker. It’s behind a trap door on the first level. Actually,” He put his arm around Fiddleford, reminding himself strongly of Stanley, and Fiddleford placed his own on Ford’s shoulder. “There are three rooms, and I’m building a second bunker a little ways out from here to house an experiment of a shape-shifter…” He kept talking non-stop, Fiddleford rapt with attention, as he led him down to the first bunker, through the pin that allowed entrance to a large space he had cleared. Apparently shapeshifters weren’t beyond the scope of his imagination.

When they reached the door, Ford showed Fiddleford the code. It wasn’t anything so obvious, but he was confident that his friend would remember it, so he simply didn’t block his way. Fiddleford looked around. “Whoo-eee! It’s perfect!”

“I know!” Ford said excitedly, moving from behind a computer module he was setting up. “I don’t suppose you’d know where I can get toxic waste?”

“Sure do!” Fiddleford said, putting a toothpick in his teeth. It was said so casually that Ford was sure he was joking. “My cousin in Texas been working on a factory got tons o’ that stuff. Causin’ a bit o’ trouble, I recon. Why ya need it?”

“To power THIS!” Ford said dramatically, brandishing his plans for the portal. He laid the three journals out on the floor so Fiddleford could see them.

“Wow-ee.” Fiddleford breathed.

Ford stood proudly, hands on his hips. Bill had given him a lot of information, of course, but the original specs were all his. He gazed lovingly at them, thinking of Bill, as Fiddleford examined them.

“Yessirie, this looks feasible.” Ford beamed. “Guess I’ll be askin’ Jimmy what kind o’ materials he got, and how we gonna get em’ up to Gravity Falls, Oregon.”

“Thank you, Fiddleford!”

“But first let’s work on your game.” He spat the toothpick on the floor and fished into his pocket, where he removed a thirty-four sided dice. They grinned at each other.

Chapter Text

It was almost three AM by the time they finished Dungeons, dungeons, and More Dungeons, eating take-out Chinese food on the floor in the entranceway. Ford gave his friend a brief tour of the place, which Fiddleford thought was lovely and “rustic,” before they settled down, and then they played and discussed the portal plans in tandem. Finally they decided to turn in, and Ford said goodnight. On pretence of returning the plans to the basement, he popped into his room of worship and touched most of his collection with a passing hand. Then he went back upstairs to his room and lay down, where he instantly fell asleep.

“Well, well, well…”

Ford turned in place, smiling at Bill like he was his whole world. What he saw made his forehead wrinkle and crease into a confused frown. Bill’s hands were crossed over his chest and his eye was closed. He looked angry. “Bill, what’s the matter?”

“I thought this one was just for RESEARCH, Fordsie.” Bill said, and Ford could hear the undertone of a deep, threatening voice, waiting to erupt. It took his mind only a second to register what Bill was saying. Apparently, his muse was a jealous god.

“H-he is, Bill. He’s just a friend of mine.”

“And I thought I was giving you EVERYTHING you wanted…” Bill said, looking to the side, away from Ford. Stanford couldn’t take it. He tried to come into Bill’s view.

“No, no, you are! Please, Bill- you are everything to me! I just want to finish this portal, and.. and, Fiddleford! No! He’s not even attractive-“

“Your’e being awfully TOUCHY, Ford.”

“Am I? You’re accusing me of-“

“I mean your HANDS, IQ,” Bill said, looking at him for the first time, and pointing to Ford’s left hand. Ford stared, then he turned red.

“Was I? I didn’t mean anything by it, Bill. Please, you know my innermost thoughts-“

Suddenly there was a peal of laughter. Bill broke his stance to put both hands on what would be his stomach if he was a human, and threw his whole body back with mirth. When he recovered, he wiped his eye and said “I’m JUST KIDDING, Sixer! You should SEE your face! OH WAIT- you CAN!” A duplicate Ford appeared, mimicking the expression he had been making. Ford looked away from it, but even though he didn’t appreciate Bill taking the Mickey, he felt a deep relief in the pit of his stomach.

“Yesss.” He said humourlessly “Very funny, Bill.”

“I couldn’t RESIST!”

“I’m sure you could, had you tried.” Ford suggested, smiling now, gently. He couldn’t fault Bill for anything for long, and he knew it.

“Your a GEM, Sixer! A real DIAMOND!”

“I’m glad you find me entertaining.” Stanford said earnestly.

“I BET you are! OTHERWISE I’d never do THIS!” Tendrils immediately snaked around Ford and he shivered, his whole body ceased with anticipation and lust. They pulled him toward Bill.

“W-WOAH!” Ford said, loosing his balance. It didn’t matter since he was in the air. When he reached the point right in front of Bill, the entities’ eyelids puckered and he placed a chaste kiss on Ford’s lips. When Ford sought to deepen the kiss, Bill pulled him away.

“Oh I FORGOT-“ Bill said with the air of someone who has definitely not forgotten. “You can’t RESIST me.”

“I would never want to.” Ford said passionately, trying to move his arms. He wanted to pet Bill, touch him.

“Keep it in your PANTS, Sixer. We have WORK to do first.” Bill said, but the position of his eye indicated he was smiling.

“Yes…. Yes, of course.” Ford steadied himself as he was set down. They got down to business, but Ford had started to notice something different about Bill. He wasn’t pushing Ford as hard today, maybe… or perhaps it was his lingering hand in his hair…. He kept redirecting Ford to the task at hand when his eyes or hands strayed, but it was always Bill who was encouraging his lack of attention. A finger sliding up his spine. A well-placed hand just inside his thigh as Bill leaned over his shoulder, teaching with the other hand.
Hands on his shoulders. Hands on his chin, directing him not verbally, but physically, to look in a different direction. Gentle. Teasing. Hands.

Bill loved watching Ford this way, and of course it didn’t hurt to put a claim on what was his. He had forgiven Ford for straying hands when he saw how devoted he was, but Bill had been ready to tear into Fiddleford’s dreams earlier. He had, however, allowed himself the treat of dipping in and shooing the sweet dreams from his mind. As a plus, he dosed Fiddleford with a difficult waking. Sweet nightmares, he thought, caressing Ford’s thigh. This one was Bill’s, and no one was going to touch it so casually.

“WOAH, focus there, Sixer!” Bill said in apparent delight every time Ford’s imagination took over or his attention wavered to looking at those hands. Around the fourth time, Ford took a step back and faced Bill.

“Bill, do you honestly not know what you’re doing right now?”

“Teaching you the proper use of infinity. HA! There ISN’T ONE! You can use it LITERALLY ANYWHERE!”

“What- how- you can’t “

“Oh, YES you can!”

“That’s not what we’re discussing, Bill! Your hands are all over me!”

“Don’t you LOVE IT?”

“I do, but you keep redirecting me. Which one do you want?”

“WHAT, you can’t do BOTH?”

“Impossible! I can’t focus when you're touching me.”

Bill appeared to be thinking. Then, “I’d like to TEST that theory.”

“What?” Ford managed, before Bill pulled him into a many-handed embrace.

“Let me in, Fordsie. Let me feel what you feel.” Bill said in a low voice, and Ford shivered with anticipation.

“You can… you’re always allowed to… you can do whatever you’d like…” Ford swallowed, remembering the last time. But Bill hadn’t hurt him badly- it had been horrifying, but sensual and sexy…

“Anything I like?”

“Yes, anything…”

“Wake up, Fordsie.”

Ford opened his eyes. He sighed, immediately put out. He had offered Bill anything, and his response was to send Ford right back to his own realm rather than sate him? He had to admit, that was a little bruising.

That was when he felt a stirring in his body. He gasped, then his body convulsed and he squirmed. Something was wrong. A feeling like a hook in his navel, pulling him backwards, but his body didn’t comply. He could feel himself sitting up, but there was only darkness. suddenly he could see again, but he startled himself again by wiggling his own fingers in front of his face in a strange kind of hello. He could feel it but he swore he hadn’t sent the message to do it to his own brain and- Bill? “Hiya, there, Fordsie.”

He relaxed. Of course! Bill had said he was capable of possessing Ford at the same time as he was inside his own body. It had been a fantasy of his, and now Bill was here, with him. “Bill!” He tried to say back, but his mouth didn’t respond.

Still, it seemed Bill could hear him. “That’s my NAME, Sixer, don’t wear it out!”

“This is strange- why can’t I control my body?”

“Because I’M controlling your body, BRAINIAC.” Bill replied sarcastically. He felt his lips move with Bill’s pronouncement.

“I see.” Ford said, “Just remember that Fiddleford is upstairs, Bill.”

There was a long pause, in which Ford felt his heart rate increase. Was Bill realy angry with him? Was he joking again? It felt real, like he was trying not to show how jealous he was. But Ford could feel it. Perhaps it wasn’t as silly as Bill had pretended earlier. “I… I only mean that I wouldn’t want him to get curious and come looking for me or anything, Bill.”


Ford thought frantically, trying to find the best way to reassure Bill. He alighted on a possibility almost immediately. Bill loved to be flattered and praised. Worshiped. Thankfully, this was something Stanford thought he did well, seeing as his praise was sincere. “I just… want this moment to be special. You and me, no one else. No one else should see me like this… should see me at all. Call me shy, but… I want this to be all for you, Bill.”

He felt his mouth split into a grin, and Bill said “Alrighty, then, Fordsie. You and me.” He agreed. “Now, I recall you said you had a SURPRISE for me in here somewhere…”

“In the drawer, next to the lubricant.” Ford said, surprised his voice didn’t crack. Then he thought, naturally, because he wasn’t using his voice…

“Oh, GOODIE.” Bill opened the drawer with Ford’s hand and fished inside, pulling out the lubricant and tossing it to the other hand to hold. Then he took out the device Ford had invented. It was thicker than a test tube, by far. Ford had been stretching himself with his already considerably thick fingers in hopes that Bill would use it on him at his leisure, and the width didn’t escape Bill at all. He could feel the thought forming this time before it was even voiced. “WELL, WELL, WELL, You’ve been PRACTICING, haven’t you?”

“Does that please you?” Ford asked, surprising himself with his own daring. He didn’t seem to have much of a filter this way. I best try and control my own thoughts-

“PLEASE Fordie, I’m inside you HEAD, there’s very little you could do to BLOCK ME OUT. I MUST SAY, you’re much more aggressive in your own headspace.”

“Does that please you?” Ford asked again, and mentally scolded himself. Bill laughed at his polarity.

“Ask the question you REALLY mean.”

“Do… do I please you?” Ford uttered, and it sounded quiet, shy even in his own mind.

“What will you do if I say YES, huh?”

“Cry? Worship you? Celebrate? I’m not sure…” Ford admitted honestly. He was leaning toward crying, though he didn’t say that…

“YEESH, I’ll wait to answer… don’t want any CRYING right now.” Bill laid down on the bed as Ford thought that was as good as a yes. His heart leapt for joy, but he tried to focus on what Bill was doing. He had, after all, done this for Ford to enjoy. Something about that was errotic- an enigmatic, beautiful, powerful being like Bill allowing Ford to have his simple fantasy… He felt his body respond, though he wasn’t sure if it was his own train of the thought, or Bill’s reaction to following it.

Bill pressed a button on the side of the device as he probed Ford with two fingers. “I wonder what THIS doe- WELL, WELL, WELL.” It was vibrating. “Hm… and THIS one?” He pressed another button and the device began to thrust up from itself. “NICE, SIXER!’ Bill said with delight. Ford felt like he was blushing. “What’s THIS one?” Bill asked, pushing another. The tip twisted in minute circles and Bill purred. “And this one is….” The fourth button was something special. Ford hadn’t been sure he wanted to include it, but when he imagined Bill’s reaction-! And he was sure the entity would have no qualms using it. Though it was one of Ford’s greatest fantasies, he knew he’d never have the guts. But Bill… Bill wouldn’t flinch from a challenge…

“What? This button doesn’t work?” Bill said sarcastically, and Ford mentally shook his head.

“Touch the tip.” He instructed gently.

“Hmmmm,” Bill uttered, and it was a sound of curiosity. He touched one of Ford’s fingers to the tip and a small jolt of electricity came out. He could barely feel it (Ford had tested it on his fingers at least and felt nothing but a small tingle), but inside of him he would definitely feel something. Bill shivered with anticipation. “You SURPRISE me, FORDSIE!” Ford chuckled happily, Bill’s words a boost to his ego. “Last button!” He pressed it, and the device did all three of the first things. Ford was slightly proud of himself, if not a little embarrassed, at having provided so well for Bill. Clearly the entity was impressed with his work. “Looks like you thought of EVERYTHING.”

“Thank you, Bill. I tried to design the most erotic device I could think of, though it doesn’t live up to my exact fantasies, of course.”

“That would be QUIET THE TASK.” Bill said, and he lubbed the tip of the thing and pushed it in without further ado, switching it off to fit it first. No need to tip his hand too much to Ford, no matter how badly he wanted to force Ford to take it full speed first thing. He wasn’t sure anything would beat the expression when the glass had shattered, though. “Hm… nice feel. Good FIT.”

On his side, Ford was trying to follow Bill’s thoughts, but they were too many and too erratic, and didn’t seem to rest in any particular area. It occurred to him that Bill as trying to mask something from him… but what?

“Really STUFFED YOURSELF, didn’t you?” Bill asked.

“I haven’t actually tested-“

“Of COURSE NOT. The only thing that gets you off is ME.” Bill said with apparent enjoyment. Stanford shivered, but not near so much as he did when Bill caressed his sweet spot with the thing he had made.

“Holy!” Was all Stanford managed.

“Nice, huh?” Bill said in a sweet voice.

“Yes, yes… it’s wonderful…” Ford cooed back.

“So complacent already!” Bill flipped the fifth switch and everything went into overdrive. Ford wanted to buck (thankfully Bill did it for him, with just a second’s delay), and he began to moan so profusely, he was glad Bill was in control. Bill was curbing his sounds considerably, considering the circumstances, and his quiet control was even more errotic for Ford. He let go and allowed the machine to do the work: allowed Bill to have everything in his hands.

It was over too quickly. “WOW! This is quite the TOOL, Sixer!” Bill panted. “You should see yourself right now!” He popped out of bed and dragged one of Ford’s mirrors to the bedside so he could look at his own reflection. He looked thoroughly debauched.

“Bill, that was so intense- so… quick.”

“I can’t WAIT for you to use this thing on ME when I get here.” Bill said “Stick in right in any place you WANT, Fordsie.”

“Y- you mean that, Bill?”


“It won’t hurt you?”

Bill laughed harshly. “That was CUTE, Sixer.”

“Then I promise to use it rough.” Ford tried to shut down the line of thought, but it made it through.


“I’m sorry, Bill-“

“Is that what you want, Sixer? You want to see me pounded?”

“I- yes- NO! I-“

“Hm… I wonder which is the lie…” Bill said, but Ford could sense he knew exactly which was the lie.

“I’m sorry, Bill, you made it sound so good-“

“It’s a promise, then, Stanford Pines. Use it ROUGH on me.”

A beat, and then “I promise.”

“GREAT! Oh and HEY, you were RIGHT, you can’t focus on anything with me around!”

“I’m sorry, you’re just so alluring…”

“No MATTER. I’ll keep my hands to myself from now on.” Bill teased him.

“Oh, but… I mean, you don’t have to- no, please, Bill, I need your touch!” There was another pause, then Ford, feeling frustrated, said, “Well, there you have it! My real thoughts on the matter!”

“Such a SLUT!”

Ford squirmed. “If I say yes, will you keep going?”

Bill laughed. “OH, Stanford! You’re really something! I’ll keep going even if you scream NO!”

For reasons he couldn’t explain, this made Ford nervous, but more than anything he just wanted Bill to keep going. “You… didn’t… try the…” He blushed, but Bill got the idea.

“What, THIS?” he pressed the fourth button and everything shut down, except the sudden jolt of electricity. It was even better in reality than fantasy could have elicited. Ford screamed and Bill let the sound through. He writhed on the bed and let the device send jolt after jolt through his body as Bill hummed his moans gently. “Sixer…” He whispered as soon as Ford was close, and the sound sent him over the edge, his vision whiting out and his body convulsing. After a few seconds of intense bliss, he realized that Bill hadn’t turned the thing off. He squirmed.

“Bill- oh, no, no, too much! Bill- oh, Bill, please-“

Bill was letting his incoherent steam of words out, too loud, too loud-Fiddleford was upstairs. Ford was mortified, but the machine was doing too good of a job, pulling an orgasm from him while simultaneously being complete torture. He knew it wouldn’t satisfy before it even hit, but it was hard in his mind and left him writhing. He was right, there was no satisfaction in cumming this way. Still, Bill didn’t shut the device off.

“Oh, Bill, no, no, no, no-“

“What’s the matter, Sixer?” Bill purred, “can’t take the stimulation? I could do this all day! HEY, does this go up any HIGHER?”

Ford was immediately relived that he hadn’t provided a higher setting for the electricity. “No, no, Bill, please stop it!”

He was cumming again, forcefully, Bill’s ministrations on his cock milking him like a cow, pulling on him roughly as the machine provided the currant directly on his prostrate gland. He started to sob, and only then did Bill relieve the tension and pull the machine out. “Calm down, calm down.” He said as if annoyed, but then he rested Ford’s arms behind his head and relaxed there, letting him come down from the insanely tortuous high.

It took Ford a minute to realise it when Bill vacated his body without warning. He looked around the room as if he would see Bill there, but of course he was long gone back to that realm where he was meant to live. He even voiced it: “Bill?” Nothing. Ford closed his eyes, intending to rest for only a little while, then-

His eyes flickered open and he looked around. It was clearly morning. Ford looked down, feeling sticky. Of course, he’d forgotten to clean up yesterday. The toy was still between his legs. When he sat up, he could feel how sore and used he was. Even his penis felt overused and tired. He groaned. Like a hangover, the morning after wasn’t so pleasant.

The first day with Fiddleford passed, and Ford found himself almost incapable of thinking of anything but Bill. Of course he was… he chided himself… a slut. He winced. It actually hurt to admit it. Just thinking about it gave him a strange burning sensation. The though didn’t keep his mind from straying to Bill’s hands… Bill’s hands… He even fell asleep that night thinking of Bill’s hands.

Just as he entered the mindscape, laying in bed in case Bill decided to get cozy with him, he heard the voice of his muse.

“Don’t worry, Sixer, I like yours too.”

“My-? Oh, my…” He looked down at his hands in his mindscape. “You do?”
“SURE. When someone’s stuffing my hole, SIX is better than FIVE!” Bill said crudely, striking a pose with his hand resting on his side while the other made a gun motion in Ford’s direction. Ford smiled sheepishly. “So, what shall we do TONIGHT?” Bill finished flirtatiously.

Ford considered this carefully, trying to think of the best way to keep Bill on board. “Well, as a scientist, I simply can’t declare my hypothesis true without further testing. Clearly, it seems now to be a good and strong theory, but it can only truly be considered a theory once extensive testing has been completed.” He could swear Bill was smiling. His eye seemed to be making that expression. “And we have some time before such tests can be completed. Also since the portal can be completed, so… it seems to me… more tests must be conducted.” He ended perhaps a bit more flirtatiously than he had intended, but Bill didn’t seem concerned, but rather amused, by this.

“I was HOPING you were gonna say that, SIXER.” Bill said, putting on a pretence of thought even less convincing than what Ford had been doing. “I have LOTS of ‘TESTS’” his little hands did air quotes “in mind.”

“I was hoping you would say that.” Ford said, the beginnings of interest stirring in the pit of his stomach. They both smiled.