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The Opposite of Reality

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John thinks about General O'Neill's SG-1 reports and his constant bitching about trees, because it strikes him that right now he is pretty grateful for them. They broke up some of the wind and snow when they were fighting to find shelter. It took a half-hour to find this cabin they are currently huddled in, not that John is really complaining. They were so far away from the Stargate that turning back hadn't seemed like a viable option, and visibility had been so fucked, they were lucky they found their way to anywhere but an icy slide into oblivion. At least there is some food here, and what looks like a hundred thousand blankets. He is so grateful he almost wants to cry. Teyla pretty much crawls into one of the beds and stays there. Ronon joins her later after he and John get the fire going.

When they had sent a MALP over, this world looked pretty normal. It was fairly standard until the point where they, of course, get stuck in freak snowstorm and barely made it to a small gathering of houses. They chose this cabin because it was the closest. Once they get inside, Rodney spends five minutes screaming about the snow, and they all let him get it out of his system, because he's speaking for all of them at this point. It's cold and they're all miserable.

The cabin is small enough that it's obvious it was abandoned, this planet was probably culled empty like a lot of the places they have been to lately. John is hoping the storm would be enough to keep away any Wraith that might come back. There is no way they are going to hear darts in this weather. He wants to stay watch, but it's getting colder by the minute, and he gets under the blankets with Rodney. All the heat is seductive and curls around his frozen body until he passes out against Rodney's firm expanse of back.

They miss a check-in, and Elizabeth sends Lorne out in a jumper. His team is making bets on what the problem is, alien or Rodney tripping and breaking a nail, when they emerge on the other side of the gate and the world is nothing but endless white. Lorne sucks in a breath and the heat notches up five degrees in the jumper without him even focusing on that system. They start sweeping the planet for heat signatures but it takes them awhile to get through the snow and bluster.

The guys change the bets to McKay losing a toe, when they finally find some life in a cabin. Lorne sets the jumper down and they all grab the shiny reflective heat blankets and run outside the jumper. They don't shiver because they're Marines but there might be a few comments about cold and fucking goddamn wind. Three comments. They manage to get the cabin open without too much effort, only waking Ronon when the wind sweeps in. He sits up, and rubs his face, before gently shaking Teyla awake. She frowns and burrows deeper into the blankets.

Lorne grins upon seeing Sheppard's hair sticking out of the mass of blankets on the other bed. When he pulls them back, he finds John wrapped around Rodney, leg around his waist and everything. He grins harder, and gestures towards one of the Marines to get a camera but John wakes up as soon as the cold hits his ass, and has a mini freak out. "This isn't what it looks like."

Lorne gives him that look, the look he always gives him. John still isn't clear about the exact meaning of that look. He is definitely on the receiving end of it a lot. Lorne speaks very slowly, "It looks like it was really fucking cold on this planet and you were huddled for warmth. Is there something else you want to add, Sir?"

"No. Nothing else." John scowls at him, and smacks Rodney, who moans and opens one eye. "Oh, we're being rescued, oh, that's lovely. I think I have frost bite on my entire body." He pokes John, "You need to gain some weight, you're not an adequate heat source. I should have gotten in there with Ronon and Teyla. He's probably like a furnace, look how happy she probably looks."

The Marines all laugh and make jokes about the warmth not being the reason for the happiness, when Teyla pokes her end out of the blankets and glares. They all shut up and mumble apologies, ma'am. She nods and ignores them watching her a little too closely as she eases out of the bed. Ronon doesn't ignore it however, and they all take a step backwards when he frowns at them. He grins at that and goes over to Sheppard. His hair is even more of a mess and he looks like he was hit by a truck. Ronon starts to laugh and John hits him on the leg.

Ronon helps him up, but John notices the Marines watching that and he backs off a little too fast, ending up back on his ass on the bed. Lorne frowns and moves forward, both and he and Ronon reaching for him, identical worried looks on their faces. John waves them off, "I'm fine, I just feel a sluggish." His XO nods, but the rest of Lorne's team brings over blankets and one wraps an arm around John's waist just in case. Rodney pulls himself out of bed and drapes another blanket around him. John feels like an ass, he didn't move backwards because he was dizzy, but he plays along with it. They get him back to the jumper and he stays by himself in the back looking blank and closed off. Rodney keeps trying to feel his forehead until he snaps at him.

Carson is a welcome face when they get back, making appropriate noises of sympathy to everyone but Rodney, who glares at him. John kind of just wants to sleep a lot more, and pretend that no one saw him wrapped so tightly around Rodney he might as well have his hand down his pants. He spends the next week being twitchy around Lorne, Lorne's men, and Rodney. After the sixth day, Rodney stops John and basically verbal abuses him until he cracks. John shifts against the wall, the warm thrum of Atlantis keeping him grounded, as he mutters about beds, and Rodney, and Lorne's men. Rodney frowns at him, the side of his mouth dipping.

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about?"

John shifts and makes a face. "I like guys." He mutters it really softly.

"Okay, So?"

"So! So my job Rodney, and DADT, and you know, Lorne saw me on you, what if he gets ideas and Caldwell hears about it.."

Rodney cuts him off with a gesture. "Okay, firstly, this is an international civilian run project, no one gives a shit about that stuff. No one is going to come over and say, well, it's really stupendous that you are brilliant and amazing and can build nuclear bombs in your garage but you like to give blow jobs every once in awhile so you can't go into space with the straight people. Seriously.

Secondly, I think you missed some things about the SGC. They aren't exactly set up strictly as some elaborate arm of the United States anymore, they are now run by a international committee, so to speak. And even when they were more part of the US, DADT never applied to them. You can't reasonably ask people to get shot at by aliens but tell them they can't like dick. An attitude like that will get people telling you to suck theirs."

Rodney pauses to take a rather large breath before launching into another speech. John's eyes are kind of wide.

"I understand you getting into this program was a fluke. Shut up, it was a good fluke, but these guys aren't a fluke. These guys are carefully picked out, and trained, and trained some more. To the tunes of millions of dollars. They interact with alien technology, and people that are ruled by elaborately stupid snakes, they don't care that you like guys, or girls, or sheep. They don't want to get their life sucked out of them by people with strange hair, or bleed to death from spear wounds.

You are pretty good at managing that. That's all they care about, and by the way, you have this job on Elizabeth's say, not on the say of the military. So if this is you having a panic attack, please stop. I am the only one on the team allowed to have panic a...wait, is this why all the off-world bimbos? Because you were afraid they would think you were...OMG! YOUR HAIR ALONE! CARSON! I NEED YOU TO DRUG ME NOW! THE STUPID IN THE AIR IS CAUSING ME DAMAGE!"

John is kind of stunned, more at the sheer amount of verbiage that comes out of Rodney's mouth, than the actual content. Later though, he figures there was a valid point somewhere in that yelling, and he decides to maybe mention it to the rest of the team. So he kind of gathers Teyla and Ronon in a room. He stumbles over his speech, "Look, I just, I'm not sure how your people feel about, I mean, if they have taboos against.."

Rodney barges in, and makes a horrendous face, "I'm sorry, are you trying to come out to them? Jesus, I'm embarrassed right now and this doesn't even involve me." He looks at Teyla and Ronon, then points to John, "John here likes guys, in a sexual way, no, I'm not explaining that if you don't understand. If you have a problem with that, raise your hand. No hands? Excellent." Rodney turns to John, "What did I say about panic attacks? Stop having them. My blood pressure is high enough as it is." He stomps out.

John smiles tentatively at the rest of his team. Ronon frowns, "You fuck guys?" Sheppard shrugs, "I haven't for a while, but..I, um, look, is there a problem? I won't."

"No problem. I don't care. Is there a reason you are telling us this? Is there someone you want me to harass into sleeping with you? I can do that."

John blinks, "Uh, no, not at the moment. Teyla?"

"From what I saw of your Earth from the fog demon planet, as Dr. McKay refers to it, you seem to have many people. Almost too many. I could understand why this would be a practice to cut down on your population? As for my own people, we have a few that embrace such a thing, it is not generally encouraged as we need children, but life is too short to be unhappy over such a thing. You may do as you wish, you are still in my esteem."

John slumps against the wall, "Cool."

"May I ask about the women you seem to pay attention too off world? If you say you like men than why do you..?" Teyla looks John over carefully as she trails off.

"Well, um, I don't know, Chaya was, I felt drawn to her, that was odd, the other one, I was lonely and I didn't sleep with that last one. I get confused sometimes."

Teyla nods and pats his arm. "If we are finished here?"

"I'm done, yeah."

Teyla slides a hand around John's neck, and presses his forehead with hers. "I am honored you feel you can share such a thing with us." She smiles at Ronon and leaves the room. John fidgets and looks at Ronon, who pats him on the shoulder on the way out. Then he stops, "Are you going to date McKay? You guys fight a lot. It might help if he gets some ass. Be less bitchy."

John's eyes go wide again, his team shouldn't be scarring him emotionally like this so much, "Stop talking right now and stop hanging out with my marines. Your vocabulary is starting to scare me."

Later on, he wonders into the lab at 3 in the morning, and watches Rodney frowning at his computer.

"So when you said that thing about brilliant and amazing and building nuclear weapons, you meant yourself right?"

Rodney stops and glares at him, "Oh, I'm sorry, was I being too subtle for you? Yes, I meant myself." He looks back at the computer.

John smiles, "So, um, Samantha Carter?"

"What about her?"

"She's your alien priestess?"

"She's my what? Oh, I see what you are getting at, no, she is not my alien priestess. I don't remember there being a rule that just because I like guys I can't also like women. Seriously. Why are you asking me this? Is this share time? I'm not going to a rainbow club."

"I'm not starting a rainbow club, what the hell? Rodney!" John starts laughing and slinks his way over to look over the man's shoulder. "Pretty lights."

Rodney looks up at him, and John smiles. "Are you hitting on me?"

John smiles wider, "No, not at all. I just want to be close to you."

"Oh my god. Get away from me."

John touches Rodney's shoulder and Rodney gets off the stool. They basically end up goofing off until John wraps his arms around him, and sighs. "Thanks for the yelling before. I needed that."

"You can hit on me if you want." John starts to laugh against Rodney's neck. "I'll keep that in mind. Ronon said I should take one for the team and fuck you."

Rodney sputters and pushes John off him, "Take one for the team? Excuse me? I'll have you know that I.." and he shuts up because John kisses him.

It turns out sex doesn't mellow Rodney all that much, but he makes fun of John a little less, and lets him hang over his shoulder and breathe him in without complaint.