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The Big Bang

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Love has no science to it. No introductions and no warning signs- none that anyone can decipher, anyway. 

Love just...happens.

Like the big bang. Nothing was there, just emptiness and a great hollow, and suddenly, in seconds, everything took place.

 

If you ask Mark, he would say that it took him one second to fall in love with Jinyoung.

No, it took him one second to realize that he is in love with Jinyoung. Falling in love with the raven haired boy was something that never stopped, and quite frankly, Mark doesn't know just where it started. 

All Mark knows is that it took him a moment to realize; it wasn't the moment he first saw Jinyoung (although Mark did believe Jinyoung was probably the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on), but it was a couple of months later, when they were laying on top of that rooftop, staring at the sky and Jinyoung asked Mark if there is a heaven.

Mark didn't know what to say, partly because he wasn't sure, and partly because he was.

"Maybe there isn't a heaven up there, or down there, or wherever the great beyond is at," Mark said, his hand brushing Jinyoung's. "Maybe heaven is just anywhere you want it to be." 

Jinyoung didn't say anything for a long while, but then he turned his head towards Mark, his hand gripping the other boy's. "Where's your heaven?" 

Mark wasn't expecting Jinyoung to ask him that, so he tensed up, gripped their hands tighter and sighed.  "I don't know. Anywhere."

 

Anywhere you are . Mark wanted to say.

Anywhere you are with me .

 

It was Jinyoung who told Mark he loved him first, right around the time he taught the older boy how to fly. And fall .   It wasn't a big declaration, nor was it a show of fireworks. It was simple, like them; a small whisper against Mark's lips as Jinyoung laid by his side on the couch while they watched a sitcom they both liked. 

At first Mark couldn't believe what he heard. He thought he was hallucinating, imagining things- Mark often imagined Jinyoung saying it, words flowing out of his mouth like silk; smooth and warm. But then Jinyoung pecked Mark's lips and repeated it, smiling softly.

I love you .

"I love you too." Mark said. Once, twice, and around three thousand more times until the day Jinyoung left him.

 

A week before Jinyoung left, precisely 478 days after he first told Mark he loved him, he asked Mark another question.

"What am I to you?" He didn't kiss Mark good morning that day, and they had a fight the day before.

Mark wasn't expecting Jinyoung to ask him that, so he tensed up, gripped their hands tighter and sighed. 

Jinyoung didn't wait for Mark to reply; he just said that he was going to be late for work, and he left.

 

My everything . Mark wanted to say.

You are my universe .

 

"I am no longer in love with you." Mark never imagined Jinyoung saying that, but when he came home and saw Jinyoung's bags by the door, he didn't have to imagine.

"Jinyoungie." Mark pleaded, the tears in his eyes blurring the scene in front of him. 

"I'm sorry," Jinyoung said. "I guess we have fallen out of love." 

The problem is...Mark and Jinyoung were falling in two different ways. 

As Jinyoung turned to walk away, there was only one thing left for Mark to say. One final question to answer. 

"It's where you are." Mark said, voice cracking and he felt like he was choking. Mark knew he had only one chance to finally answer Jinyoung.

"What is?" Jinyoung asked, looking at Mark with puzzled eyes and no remorse.

"My heaven." Mark finally said it. "My heaven is where you are."

 

Mark is sure now. Love has no science to it. No introductions and no warning signs- none that anyone can decipher, anyway. 

Love just...happens. 

Like the big bang. Nothing was there, just emptiness and a great hollow, and suddenly, in seconds, everything took place.

The sad truth is, that after everything, if their love was (is?) the big bang, then Jinyoung was (is?) Mark's universe.