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The Spider Incident

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Despite what Kristin Sims says, Sam Breen definitely does not have a thing about spiders. He is a grown man, and grown men do not have things about spiders. He does, however, have a thing against monstrous abominations.

The… thing on his bathroom wall is definitely a monstrous abomination.


If it weren’t for the fact that this eight legged beast of death and destruction was larger than his own hand, then Sam might have tried to get rid of it himself. Unfortunately, it is almost definitely bigger than his hand.

His parents are abroad, so he can’t call them for help. He considers calling some of the boys from rugby, but decides against it. Instead, he calls Mike. (It takes him a while to decide on Mike, but he figures he can endure a bit of teasing from his boss if it’ll get this stupid… thing out of his house.)


His boss knocks on the door less than twenty minutes later, and Sam races to the door, nearly tripping over his onesie on his way.

“Where is it then?” Mike asks through a yawn, stepping through the door that Sam holds open for him. Sam opens his mouth to reply, but finds it dry (ok. He might have a thing about spiders. Just don’t tell Kristen), and settles for just pointing towards the bathroom. Mike leads the way, Sam just a step behind him. They enter the brightly lit room, and when Mike turns his head, he takes a step back in shock, bumping into Breen.

“Hi there!” He stammers to the spider, voice shaking. He moves to take a step forward before deciding against it, and slowly backing out of the room. Sam is trying very hard not to cling to his coat like a child. “I think.” Mike pauses. “I think we should call Jared.”


Jared arrives a little bit later, grinning from ear to ear. He cheerfully greets the two men, and immediately makes his way to Sam’s bathroom, chattering away happily as he does. He screeches just a little bit when he sees the spider. Just a little bit.


They all agree to call Kristin after that.


“I told you Sam had a thing about spiders.” Kristin strides through the place, barely sparing the men a glance. She’s still wearing the same outfit that she wore to work earlier, even though it’s gone midnight. Kristin wastes no time in picking up the spider, cooing to it as though it were a new born baby. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she turns to the other three. “It’s completely harmless. Look, it wouldn’t hurt a fly!” She holds it out for them to see. Jared and Mike take a step back into the blue wall behind them.

Sam faints.