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What The Fuck Is DaveKat?

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-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS DAVEKAT? IS THAT SOME WEIRD EARTH ANIMAL?

GA: Its A Popular Romantic Pairing Between You And Dave Karkat

CG: FUCK OFF.

CG: AND BY FUCK OFF, I MEAN TURN YOUR ASS AROUND AND FUCK OFF BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN THIS.

CG: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

GA: You Should Know This I Think

GA: With How Much Time You Spend Reading Fanfiction

CG: FANFICTION? I DON’T READ THAT FILTH. I’M NOT SOME ROMANCE-DESPERATE CHUMP LOOKING FOR A FIX.

GA: Karkat Last Week You Asked Sollux To Delete Your Internet History

GA: And He And I Discussed It Over Tea

GA: It Was Quite Amusing Overall

GA: Although I Admit The Lateness Of Many Of Your “Binge-Readings” Has Me Concerned About How Much Sleep Youre Getting

CG: WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINT-CHAFING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU WITHERING MOTOR RINK FOR SOCIETY'S DOWNFALL.

CG: I DON’T READ THAT GORGEOUS FACE OF LITERATURE CALLED FANFICTION IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE IMPLYING, YOU MOUTAIN LICKING FUCK.

GA: Once Again Youre Using Insults to Poorly Mask Your Feelings

CG: I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS, YOU ALCHEMIST-SNIFFING GLOB. ALL I HAVE IS PURE UNDILUTED LEADERNESS WHICH EXPANDS MY BRAIN IN SUCH A MANNER THAT FANFICTION IS BEYOND EVEN MY SPHERE OF INTELLECTUAL INTEREST.

CG: I’M BASICALLY GOD.

GA: Karkat I Have No Problem With You Reading Fanfiction

GA: I Dont Believe Sollux Does Either

GA: Although He Ridiculed You A Fair Amount Because Of Your Search Terms

GA: I Would Also Like To Point Out That Your Misspelling Of Mountain Undermined Your Insult

CG: FUCK YOU, BY THE WAY. MOUNTAIN IS A BID FUCKING WORD, YOU LIZARD BLOODED FUCK IT’S HARD TO SPELL

GA: *Big

GA: Your Leaderness Doesn't Seem To Extend To The Trashy Romance Novels You Insist On Reading And Recommending To Everyone

CG: LOOK YOUR GRUB-GUSHING BITCH

GA: *You

CG: THY AREN’T TRASHY THEY’RE FINE FUCKING LITERATURE

GA: *They

GA: Your Typing Seems To Be Inhibited

GA: Are You Alright Karkat

GA: Please Stay Away From That Liquid That Rose Insists On Imbibing So Heavily

GA: Or Perhaps The Sopor That Gamzee Insists On Imbibing So Heavily

CG: LOOK I’M NOT THAT PURPLE BLOODED VACUOUS GRUB-FISTED STOMACHFUCK.

CG: THIS KEYBOARD IS SIMPLY TOO TING FOR MY LARGE AND LEADERLY HANDS.

GA: *Tiny

CG: FUCK

GA: I Really Think You Need Help

GA: I Would Ask Dave As He Seems To Be The Only Person Able To Have A Reasonable Conversation With You Recently

GA: But Youve Been Particularly

GA: Volatile

GA: Around Him As Of Late

CG: DAVE? DO YOU MEAN THAT IMBECILIC HORSE-SMELLING SHIT-MONGERER WITH THE OBNOXIOUS DARKENED SPECTACLES?

GA: Obviously Although I Wouldnt Describe Him Like That

GA: I Really Dont Understand What You Have Against Him

GA: Whatever Is Going On With You Two Should Be Resolved As Quickly As Possible

CG: I DON’T HAVE A "THING" FOR OR WITH HIM ,YOU BILE-SPEWING SLUG.

GA: What

GA: That Came Out Of Nowhere

GA: You Are The Only Person In This Conversation Who Has Suggested That You Have A Thing For Dave

GA: I Simply Observed Your Attitude Around Him

CG: NOW YOU’RE JUST MAKING UP COMPLETE CRAP

CG: I DON’T LIKE HIM

CG: AT ALL

CG: I HATE HIM AND HIS HAIR AND HIS GLASSES AND HIS AFFINITY FOR HUMAN BREASTS

CG: THE FUCK MAN

CG: YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE OF MY SUPERIOR LITERARY TASTE

GA: Karkat This Conversation Has Strayed Away From Your Questionably Graphic Literary Choice For Good Reason

GA: I Feel As Though I Should Inform You

GA: That No One Would Care If You Were Red For Dave

GA: Except For You Apparently

CG: STOP TRYING TO TWIST MY WORDS TO YOUR SICK MEANS, YOU PUTRID SMELLING ASSGRAB

GA: Karkat As Your Moirail I Feel As Though An Honest Conversation Between Us Would Benefit Our Relationship

CG: "Karkat As Your Moirail I Feel As Though An Honest Conversation Between Us Would Benefit Our Relationship" BLAH-DE-FUCKING-BLAH

CG: I AM BEING HONEST

CG: I DON’T LIKE FANFICTION

CG: AND I DON’T LIKE DAVE.

CG: H-O-N-E-S-T

CG: LOOK, I EVEN SPELLED IT OUT FOR YOU, YOU NOOK-SCRATCHING GARBAGE

GA: I Am Feeling Very Attacked Right Now Karkat

GA: Just Because You Are Obviously Extremely Emotionally Confused Right Now

GA: Doesnt Mean You Need To Take It Out On Me

CG: FUCKING EXCUSE MY DISRUPTIVE ASS THEN

CG:I CAN’T HELP BUT BE THROWN INTO A RAGING, PITCHING OCEAN OF ANGER WHEN PEOPLE QUESTION NOT ONLY MY READING BUT ALSO MY ROMANTIC INTENTIONS

GA: All You Have To Do Is Explain The Latent Sexual Tension Thats Surrounded You And Dave Lately

CG: WHAT SEXUAL TENSION

CG: THERE IS NO SEXUAL TENSION

CG: I AM THE LEAST SEXUALLY TENSE FUCKER TO HAVE EVER FUCKED A MOTHERFUCKER

GA: Karkat Do I Need To Bring In Someone As A Source To Verify That This Sexual Tension Exists

GA: I Will Not Hesitate To Resort To That If The Need Arises

CG: YOU WOULDN’T.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] and carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: kk iit'2 me calm the fuck down

TA: kan 2ay2 youre beiing a diick

TA: 2o 2top

CG: I’M NOT BEING A PHALLIC INSTRUMENT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.

CG: I’M BEING ATTACKED.

CG: YOU HAVE MY DEEPEST FUCKING APOLOGIES FOR MY DEFENSIVE BEHAVIOR, AFTER YOU AND KANAYA FUCKED AROUND IN MY INTERNET HISTORY.

CG: I REALLY AM SO, SO SORRY.

TA: 2hut up for liike two 2econd2

TA: ii don’t really care what happened before thii2 convo between you and me

TA: even though the iinternet hii2tory thiing wa2 really funny

TA: but kan told me what2 up and ii 2orta agree???

TA: liike you’ve been really angry lately

TA: more than u2ual

TA: and iit’2 mostly at dave

TA: ii dont know what that mean2 for your emotiional health or whatever 2hiit but

CG: MM.

CG: MMMM.

CG: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

CG: I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYMORE WITH YOU.

CG: TWO HEADED GRUB BITCH.

TA: ok well kan and ii are gonna hang out iin the liibrary

TA: iif youre feeliing liike le22 of an a22hole come 2ay hii

TA: TA 2iigniing off

CG: WHATEVER.

CG: YOU NOOK-SUCKING BOWL OF OVERFLOWING STUPIDITY.

GA: I Will Exit As Well

GA: Goodbye Karkat

GA: Feel Free To Come Talk To Us About Any Feelings Youre Experiencing

CG: FINE, WHATEVER. I DON’T CARE.

CG: I’M NOT HURT AT FUCKING ALL, YOU DIRT-EATING WORMHOLE OF SHRINKING BRAIN MASS.

CG: I DON’T NEED ANY OF YOU.

CG: I’LL JUST READ FANFICTION.

CG: BECAUSE HAHA, I FUCKING LIED.

CG: JUST KIDDING GUYS REALLY HAHA FUNNY JOKE LEAVING ME HERE ALONE

CG: COME ON, GUYS, I WAS JOKING.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

CG: sorry.

CG: come back maybe?

CG: i did admit to it.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GA: Sollux Told You We Were In The Library

GA: Do You Need A Hug

CG: you can if you want.

CG: i mean.

CG: YOU CAN IF YOU WANT.

GA: ...

GA: Do You Want A Hug

CG: ...

GA: ...

CG: ...

CG: YES

CG: GOD, THAT’S HUMILIATING.

CG: THE SELF-LOATHING STEMMING FROM ONLY THAT ONE WORD HAS SURPASSED EVEN MY EXPECTATIONS.

CG: GREAT FUCKING JOB, ME, WELL DONE AS ALWAYS.

GA: Alright Well We Are Here

GA: I Cant Guarantee Sollux Will Hug You

GA: But I Would Be Happy To

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GA: Karkat Its Been At Least Fifteen Minutes

GA: Have You Decided Against The Hug

CG: YES

CG: NO

CG: FUCK

CG: DON’T TELL SOLLUX BUT I THINK I’M INTO THAT SNUGALSS-WEARING DIPSHIT

CG: REDROM

CG: *SUNGLASSES

CG: FUCK

CG: IT’S NOT A SERIOUS THING.

CG: IT’S LIKE A POSSIBILITY. AN UNCERTAINTY.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] and carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: eheheheheheheh

TA: ii can read thii2 conver2atiion dumba22

TA: kan and ii already knew you were hot for dave

GA: Sollux Stop That

CG: THE HELL, MAN.

CG: DON’T FUCKING SPOIL MY CONFESSION YOU ASS-SUCKING PIPETTE.

GA: Don't Listen To Him Karkat

GA: I Am Glad You Have Finally Confronted Your Feelings About Dave

CG: NOT CONFRONTING MY FEELINGS.

CG: IT'S HYPO-FUCKING-THETICAL.

CG: AS IF I COULD FEEL ANY POSITIVE EMOTIONS ON THAT TIGHT-ASSED FLAWLESS GOD OF A PRICK CALLED DAVE

GA: I Do Not Want To Give You Any Advice Or Anything

GA: But Nepeta Could Probably Help You With Redrom Advice Especially If It Is Hypothetical

TA: are we ju2t gonna pretend kk diidnt call dave flawle22 just now

GA: Yes Shut Up Sollux

TA: 2orry kan

CG: EXCUSE ME AS I GO FIND A HOUSE TO JUMP OFF OF, TAKING MY TOWERING BLIMP OF EMOTIONAL DENIAL WITH ME AS I PLUMER TO MY UNTIMELY DEMISE.

GA: *Plummet

TA: niice catch kan

CG: DID I ASK

CG: POINT OUT WHERE I ASKED YOU TO OBSESSIVELY CORRECT ANY SPELLING ERRORS I MAKE.

GA: I Apologize Spelling Errors Are Something Of A Pet Peeve Of Mine

GA: Whenever I See One I Feel The Need To Correct It

GA: Please Continue Speaking

GA: Typing I Guess

CG: I SPOKE TO THE GOD OF HEART-THROBBING POWER WHOSE MORTAL NAME IS DAVE YESTERDAY.

GA: Well Now Youre Just Being Overdramatic

TA: when ii2 he not overdramatiic

CG: IT WAS AWEFUL

CG: HAVE MERCY ON THE SNOT-NIBBLING MAGGOT OF MY FORMER SHELL AND END ME.

GA: *Awful

CG: SCREW YOU

TA: ii thought you wanted two 2crew dave

GA: Sollux Please Refrain From Such Coarse Humor During Such A Serious Time

GA: Karkat Is Struggling To Reveal His Inner Psyche To Us

GA: We Should Be Respectful

TA: 2orry kan ii 2aw an opportuniity and ii had two take iit

CG: "ii 2aw an opportuniity and ii had two take iit" WHAT-FUCKING-EVER

CG: I’M STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE ANYTHING YOU 2-D SNIFFING SPIKE HOLDER.

TA: liike dave’2 diick

GA: Karkat I Will Admit You Invited That One But That Does Not Excuse Your Behavior Sollux

TA: that wa2 2uch a giiveaway

TA: ii am the ma2ter of iinuendo

CG: SUCK MY ASS YOU ASS-SUCKING DICK

CG: HA

CG: TAKE THAT

TA: that2 what he 2aiid

CG: THAT’S NOT WHAT HE SAID, FUCK YOU.

TA: iit 2ort of ii2 tho

GA: Karkat Please Continue With Your Story

CG: KANAYA MAKE HIM STOP

CG: I’M ABOUT TO RELEASE ALL OF MY LEADERLY ANGER ON HIS FRAGILE BIPOLAR NERD ASS

GA: I Am Afraid That I Couldn't Stop Sollux Unless I Wanted To Terminate My Connection With You

GA: As You Know Connection Is Bad Here And Sollux Has Been Helping To Maintain It

GA: Any Reprimanding Of Him Will Have To Wait Until You Come Talk To Me Face-To-Face

GA: Which I Am Beginning To Believe You Have No Intention Of Doing

TA: ehehehehe iim untouchable

CG: I’M GOING TO TOUCH MY FIST TO YOUR GLORB-SUCKING FACE YOU FISH-KISSING BASTARD.

TA: whoa you don’t need two come after fef liike that

GA: I Agree Bringing A Sweetheart Like Feferi Into This Conversation Is Somewhat Underhanded

GA: Especially Considering She Was Not Previously Mentioned

CG: I DIDN’T BRING HER INTO THIS

CG: I WAS REFERRING TO A GENERIC ORGANISM WITH GILLS THAT LIVES IN BODIES OF WATER

CG: ARGH I FORGOT YOU WERE REDROM WITH HER

CG: FUCK

CG: THE ONE TIME I DON’T MEAN TO INSULT SOMEONE

GA: Well At Least It Was Unintentional

CG: I’M GOING TO GO SHOWER IN THE JUICE OF MY EYES

TA: have fun you fuckiin iidiiot

GA: Please Contact Me Again Soon Karkat

GA: I Worry

TA: ii dont otherwii2e iid alway2 be worryiing

TA: don’t worry about iit kan

TA: later kk

CG: BYE FUCKER

CG: SEE YOU KANAYA.