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When Love's A Gun Separating Me From You

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Demons were evil, humans were crazy, but angels, those sons of bitches were just cruel. Dean had his fair share of seeing angels murdering people and each other, hurting innocents and they made Dean torture for them.

Even his angel sometimes was cruel in his own way. Granted, Cas had always a good intention, but this time he might have gone a bit too far.

Dean tried several times to call Cas and prayed to him all the time. There was no answer. The hunter was worried to no end. Even more so when he heard that Cas had somehow gotten into the crossfire of a battle between angels and when he and Sam arrived, it was already too late.

At the crime scene the only evidence that someone, that Cas, had been there were the burn marks of angel wings; no vessel though only burned wings on the dirty ground.

Dean’s stomach turned. The wings look strangely familiar. Black and torn. Dean prayed again. And again. Prayed to the angel, he still hoped to be alive and around somewhere and didn’t burn away on the spot right before him. There was still no answer to his prayers, there hasn’t been in days now. Slowly, Dean sank down to his knees, hope fading away, leaving sadness and anger and a feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

Sam stood next to him, talking, but Dean couldn’t hear him. Where was the body, the vessel? He was wondering, staring at the place where Castiel must have fallen down as some cruel angel has burned his eyes out and fried his wings.

Anger turned into rage. “Let’s find that son of a bitch who did this,” Dean said, voice trembling as he stood, still not looking at his brother and strode right towards the Impala.

Sam was silent, looking worried and sad. In the car he took his laptop out. “We’ll find out who did that and why,” he said and turns the laptop on and started with the research.

Dean gritted his teeth, jaw clenching and his grip on the steering wheel is tight, knuckles turning white. Yes, he would do whatever he had to and find Cas and bring him back if that was even possible. Dean just couldn’t believe that his angel was dead. Cas didn’t just die like that. He wouldn’t leave him. Maybe they couldn’t be together like they wanted, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t be together at all.

One week later, they finally were able to hunt down the angel who killed Cas and interrogated him. However, he wouldn’t say anything. That made Dean even angrier and he felt like he was running out of time. It had already been too long that Cas had been gone. Dean started to miss him like a limb.

“Tell me where Castiel is!” Dean growled at the angel, Sephikel or whatever his name was.  He had started torturing him an hour ago but that winged ass always said the same between his screaming.

“I don’t know where Castiel is. No one knows, I swear.”

Dean was having none of that and continued until Sam came in and took him out of the warehouse where they were imprisoning the angel.  He hoped the warding Sigills were strong enough to keep him once the holy fire went out which he also hoped wouldn’t happen soon.


“Dean! It’s enough for today. Let’s get back and get some rest.” Dean wanted to protest and almost punched Sam when he grabbed his arm and tried to pull his older brother with him to the car.  “No time,” Dean hissed. “I can sleep when I got Cas back, okay?” Sam shook his head and pushed Dean further. “I got this, Dean. You go back, eat and sleep. I let you know when I have something. “

When Sam gave him this look, that meant don’t argue, followed by his puppy eyes Dean always had a hard time not to give in. He knew he lost, when his reason, aka Sam, pulled that on him.  Granted, he was tired like hell, mostly from worrying and trying not to lose it, especially in front of Sam and lying awake at night holding back the tears. He took a deep breath and nodded.

“Straight away?” Dean asked. Sam nodded. “Straight away. I promise.”

Back at the motel, Sam had left again to get some food and Dean thought about just going back. But then he decided a little break couldn’t hurt and he could clear his head a little to come up with other ideas how to get Cas back.

The mini bar was stocked with beer and Dean took three at once and settled down on the bed. In the past week he got drunk a lot and he remembered the time Cas got drunk, having found a liquor store and drinking it. Dean was slightly amazed that the angel could get drunk. It wasn’t very funny though. He preferred it to be himself being drunk and having Cas take care of him. By the time Sam returned, the beer was empty and Dean had passed out on the bed.

Dean woke up in the middle of the night to Cas standing there in the room, next to his bed. Dim moonlight shone through the crack in the curtains. Castiel’s figure was barely visible in the dark, almost a silhouette, like a shadow, but Dean recognized him right away. He was sure he was dreaming or having a drunken hallucination.

Confused, he blinked once, to adjust his eyes to the darkness and then again. Cas was still there.  Dean sat up and could only stare at Cas. It felt so good to see him and he wanted to save the image in his mind and the feeling in his heart. Castiel stared back and then spoke.

“Hello Dean.”  His voice was almost a whisper and Dean wasn’t sure if he heard it. Suddenly, he snapped out of his frozen state, got to his feet and punched Cas in his face. It hurt. It was real.

Then he started yelling.

“Where the hell’ve you been? I thought you were dead. How could you do that to me?”

Castiel lowered his head in shame. “I’m sorry, Dean. I had no choice.”

When he looked back up, his eyes were pleading, asking for forgiveness.  Dean was of course very relieved that Cas was there but also, he was still so angry.

“What did you do?” he asked.

“I faked my death. I had to disappear for a while.  They were coming for me and it was only a matter of time and they would have found you too, despite the Sigills on your ribs.”

 “You just disappeared on me without a word and didn’t answer any of my prayers, Cas. “

“Any contact with you was a risk.  If they found out how close I’m to you, that would lead them right to you. I couldn’t risk it, Dean.” Cas took a careful step closer, slowly invading Dean’s personal space like he used to.

The anger subsided, Dean was just too relieved and happy that Cas was alive and back with him. He couldn’t resist the need of having Cas closer anymore and pulled him into his arms, holding him in a tight hug.  Castiel’s hands rubbing over his back were comforting, still Dean had to suppress a sob.

“I thought you were dead. I thought I lost you. Again,” he rasped into Cas’ neck.“I’m sorry,” Cas apologized again. “I’m here now.”

Reluctantly, Dean let go of him to look at him again. “I can’t lose you.” Cas smiled a little. “You won’t. I promise.” Dean grabbed his face and kissed Cas longingly.

“Missed you, too,”  Cas said when they broke apart.