Actions

Work Header

Friendly Neighbourhood Killers

Summary:

Skilled assassins, Audrey and Duke, have been happily married for years and have struck fear into the hearts of the most vicious criminals across the globe. When work leads them to Haven, they aren’t quite so enthusiastic about moving into a small town and even less enthusiastic about the people in it until they meet Nathan. The couple take an odd shine to their next-door neighbour and the three get along famously. There is only one minor problem: Nathan is a cop.

Notes:

Inspired by KaelsMiscellany's tumblr post prompting Duke and Audrey(/Mara?) as socially inept married assassins with their sexy next-door neighbour, Nathan, who happens to be a cop. Whoopsie-daisy. This was written with Kael's permission and with a slightly different approach. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Home Sweet Home

Chapter Text

“Tell me again, Audrey, why the fuck we’re moving here.”

“You know why.”

“Remind me,” Duke urges. “Because if I recall correctly, honey, we agreed we’d sooner drive of a cliff with a bomb in the backseat than move to the suburbs.”

Audrey rolls her eyes. He only ever uses that ridiculous pet name, among several others, when he’s annoyed with her because he knows she hates that. 

“Sweetie,” she says in retaliation. “You know it’s wrong to judge a book by its cover. I’m pretty sure even Norman Rockwell had a dungeon somewhere. Besides, we won’t be staying here for very long; just until William is dealt with.”

The very mention of the bastard’s name turns Duke’s knuckles bone-white around the wheel. Audrey notices this and reaches to caress his cheek. Her touch is gentle, regardless of the gun calluses on her nimble fingers, but it's the cool band around her finger that soothes him. He releases a heavy sigh, takes her hand in his, and presses the semi-precious stone to his lips.

“We’re almost there.”

Haven is everything that the Crockers had vowed never to inhabit: a small town with pretty people in pretty houses with pretty white picket fences where their pretty brats can wreak havoc. By the time they reach the welcome sign, they almost expect to be greeted by a musical number performed by pagan locals, plotting to sacrifice them to a giant man made of wicker. Their new home–at least, what they can call home–is just as quaint and picturesque as the rest of the town and equally as unsettling. A modest grey house stands proudly before them at their stop, surrounded by an overgrown garden of weeds and wildflowers. 

“Look on the bright side,” Audrey quips. “At least it doesn’t have a white picket fence.”


Nathan is proud to say that he rather likes his quiet life, thank you very much. Growing up, he had never experimented with drugs nor drank to excess, never smoked on school grounds, never stole from the general store, and never ever laid a hand on an innocent. Needless to say, he has never prided himself as anything more or less than a law-abiding citizen. 

It is his job, after all. 

Nathan knew from a very young age that he wanted to serve and protect. He barely remembers much of the particular day, other than the bumps and bruises and kicking and screaming. More importantly, he remembers waiting for his father to look back at him before he disappeared from the courtroom. He never did. Nathan never stopped waiting. He figures that if he waits long enough he’ll be able to shed himself of the traces that remain of his father’s hand. The bullet gives him just enough release to return him to the mundane. Nevertheless, Nathan is perfectly happy with the mundane. He has to be. 

His new neighbours are anything but mundane. He knows that from the moment he sees them. 

On his way home from work, he sees the moving vans from a block away. From his front door, he can see the happy couple stretching their legs once they step out of what looks like an old Land Rover. A tall, tanned, toned, and long-faced man holds a blonde beauty by her slender waist. A husband and wife, Nathan guesses by the faint glimmer of silver on both their ring fingers. They pay no attention to him when they see him; not even a casual smile or wave hello. Instead, they simply talk and while Nathan is not privy to their conversation he can vaguely hear the brusque tone in their voices. 

The woman’s voice sounds of metal and the man’s of velvet.


The Crockers unpack their weapons first. Years of travel have taught them to deal with their heaviest baggage before all other things and they know that unpacking at midnight will only raise eyebrows. Everything is carefully concealed and hidden in plain sight, so they can unload the truck without any disturbance.

The house is perfectly plain from the inside out and so clean it’s almost as blinding as it is suffocating to them. Ivory walls and ebony grounds surround them from the hallway to the balcony but it’s the basement they focus on first, once the moving vans are gone. The underground space is dark and deep but not nearly enough to muffle out any screaming, so they make a note to pad the walls from top to bottom before arming every corner to the teeth. In time, with enough tests, they can hear the rest of the house echo with little more than a pin drop, no matter how much noise comes from below. Perfect. They set up the rest of the house with anything else that can be used as a weapon, from household poisons to kitchen knives, just in case. 

By nightfall, Duke has already opened a bottle and cooked up Audrey’s favourite meal. They enjoy dinner before an open fireplace and leave everything else for tomorrow.

“This,” Audrey says. “I could get used to.”

“It’s not exactly Rome,” Duke shrugs. “But it’ll do.”

“I remember Rome.”

“I remember the right hook.”

Audrey cringes at the memory. “Not exactly the best way to meet a guy.”

“I’ve never complained. You could say I was already hooked.”

He receives a well-deserved slap on the arm for the joke but at least it made her laugh. He would kill for her and gladly make her watch and she still laughs at his worst jokes.

“Do you ever wonder what we’d be like if I’d just smiled at you from across the room and asked you to dinner or something like that?”

“No."

Audrey furrows her brow. “You don’t?”

“I don’t like to.” 

“Why not?”    

“I don’t think I would have fallen in love with someone who just smiled at me from across a room and asked me to dinner.”

Audrey can find no response, so Duke stops her mouth with a kiss. Lips part and tongues tie. His clever fingers creep their way under her blouse, stripping her button after button until both their clothes are nothing more than a pile on the floor. 

It isn’t until he’s inside her that they notice someone watching.


Nathan is busy with paperwork when he sees them. All thoughts of William seem to vanish into thin air, only to be replaced by the view from his open window.

The couple from this afternoon lay before a burning fireplace. Their clothing is scattered around dirty plates and half-empty wine glasses. Though only fully visible from a certain angle, Nathan can see every kiss, every touch, and every movement outlined by the golden gleam of the fire.

The woman holds her husband down. Her back arches, her slender frame in full view and her pert breasts heaving with every breath she takes. Her wine-stained and kiss-swollen lips hang open in a moan that Nathan wishes to God he could hear. If he looks closely he can just see her pubic hair trimmed neatly enough to make out her delicate slit. He can even see the outline of her husband's cock moving in and out of her. The husband, as far as he can tell, is just as beautiful as his wife. His body is lean but strong and even in the shadows, Nathan can just make out the intricate details of his tattoos. As his wife's hips move in circles against his, gradually quickening her pace, his clever hands reach for her breasts before he devours them completely. He moves to meet her level, giving Nathan a good view of his lithe frame. He holds her close, one hand resting on her back and the other on her ass. Nathan can only guess by the look on the wife's face what her husband's fingers are doing. 

He whispers something in her ear that makes her shudder and for a moment, Nathan wonders what kind of lewd words a man would say to make such a woman wriggle and writhe in the way that she does. No sooner than the thought enters his mind does he find that he doesn’t have to wonder.

They see him and they don’t stop. He can see them both smiling at him, as if laughing at him, and they keep moving against one another. They want him to see. 

The wife begins to tremble and her husband says something just fluently enough for Nathan to read his lips. “Come with me,” he says.

They both look him dead straight in the eye when they come together.

Shaking, Nathan shuts his blinds and goes to bed hard. He abandons the paperwork.