Group Chat: Heterosapians not Homosapiens
Shakira Shakira [7:36pm] GU YS FUCKCJ
Shakira Shakira [7:36pm] IM FREAKJGN OUT
hairy gremlin [7:37pm] wat
Shakira Shakira [7:37pm] FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
hairy gremlin [7:37pm] WAT
Shakira Shakira [7:37pm] I fuckin
Shakira Shakira [7:37pm] ffuck
Shakira Shakira [7:37pm] I'm outside rn I don't wanna go back in
Shakira Shakira [7:37pm] I'm so scared kill me
Big Daddy™ [7:37pm] What's wrong, Lance?
Shakira Shakira [7:38pm] you're going to think I'm an idiot
Big Daddy™ [7:38pm] We won't.
hairy gremlin [7:38pm] probably
Shakira Shakira [7:40pm] okay so like,
Shakira Shakira [7:40pm] I was in my room
Shakira Shakira [7:40pm] ffff this gonna sound dumb but like
hairy gremlin [7:40pm] pls just speak in one paragraph
Shakira Shakira [7:40pm] the room got colder??
Shakira Shakira [7:40pm] ASDFGHJKL FINE
HUNKules [7:40pm] Hello fellow heterosexuals
HUNKules [7:41pm] Woah what's going on
HUNKules [7:41pm] Lance are you okay??
Shakira Shakira [7:41pm] NO I AM DYING
hairy gremlin [7:41pm] lmao
Shakira Shakira [7:41pm] NO LMAO PIDGE IM GOING TO SHIT MYSELF IM SHAKING SO BAD
hairy gremlin [7:41pm] IM SORRY BUT THE ONLY CONCLUSION IM DRAWING FROM THIS CONVERSATION IS THAT THERES A GIANT SPIDER IN YOUR APARTMENT OR SOMETHING
Shakira Shakira [7:41pm] IT'S NOT A SPIDER FUUUUUCKAHGSHDKDLN
hairy gremlin [7:41pm] OMFGGGG JUST KEEP GOING THEN
hairy gremlin [7:41pm] IN ONE PARAGRAPH PLS
Shakira Shakira [7:42pm] HHHHHHHHH OKAY FINE THE ROOM WAS COLD and I thought someone opened their window or smth so I got up to go and see and AND I FUCKIN
Shakira Shakira [7:42pm] FUCJCJDKAJALSNJAJSLSJD
hairy gremlin [7:42pm] let me die
Big Daddy™ [7:43pm] Pidge come on, don't say things like that.
hairy gremlin [7:43pm] pls forgive me father
HUNKules [7:43pm] Guys come on stop being dicks
HUNKules [7:43pm] Go on, Lance???
Shakira Shakira [7:44pm] I just
Shakira Shakira [7:44pm] this is going to sound so stupid
hairy gremlin [7:44pm] aw lance
hairy gremlin [7:44pm] sorry keep going ill stop being a douche
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] there's somebody in my dorm
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] and they're not another student
hairy gremlin [7:45pm] LANCE HOLY SHIT WHY DIDNT YOU LEAD WITH THAT CALL THE POLICE
Big Daddy™ [7:45pm] Are you safe?
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] no no that's not what I mean
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] I mean yes I'm safe I guess???
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] no I uggghhh this is the part that's gonna sound stupid
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] it's a ghost
Big Daddy™ [7:45pm] Jesus Lance, I was really worried about you. That's not funny.
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] No no I'm being really serious fuck
Big Daddy™ [7:45pm] Lance.
hairy gremlin [7:45pm] i believe you
Shakira Shakira [7:45pm] you do?????
Big Daddy™ [7:45pm] You do?
hairy gremlin [7:45pm] who do you think I am
hairy gremlin [7:46pm] did you just make that now
HUNKules [7:46pm] No I've had it for a while
HUNKules [7:46pm] Waiting
hairy gremlin [7:46pm] i love it
hairy gremlin [7:46pm] but seriously lance what did it look like????
hairy gremlin [7:46pm] did it try to talk to you??????
hairy gremlin [7:46pm] did it hurt you????????
HUNKules [7:46pm] Pidge is shook
hairy gremlin [7:46pm] IM SHOOK
Shakira Shakira [7:48pm] none of that thANK GOD
Shakira Shakira [7:48pm] idk i ran straight out
hairy gremlin [7:48pm] lance you fool
Shakira Shakira [7:48pm] whAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, STOP FOR A CHAT
hairy gremlin [7:48pm] um yes??
[hairy gremlin changed Shakira Shakira's name to i was threatened]
i was threatened [7:50pm] pls can someone come over ;_;
HUNKules [7:50pm] Lol I'm already in my car
i was threatened [7:50pm] hunk I love you pls marry me
i was threatened [7:50pm] pls bring mcdonalds too
HUNKules [7:55pm] I thought you swore off McDonald's until your skin cleared.
i was threatened [7:55pm] i'm in distress
HUNKules [7:55pm] Mcdonalds is gross tho
hairy gremlin [7:55pm] you elitist prick how could you
hairy gremlin [7:55pm] just cause you can cook
i was threatened [7:55pm] PLS
HUNKules [7:55pm] fiiIIINE
hairy gremlin [7:55pm] iconic
"Oh shit you weren't kidding." Hunk whispered, peering inside the cracked open door. Lance scanned the dormitories lining hall, apparently nobody had heard/cared that a fellow college student had screamed like a child and barged through to the hallway. A decidedly apt commentary on his experience at university.
"Did you think I was lying?!" Lance said, his hands shaking as he placed a handful of fries into his mouth. Hunk had gotten him a large meal deal. He loved Hunk.
"No no" he placated, "I just thought you, I dunno, watched a horror movie in the dark again or something."
"Hunk I'm never doing that again, I don't hate myself."
After a few seconds of Hunk peeking into Lance's dorm, mouth open, he said, "He's just standing there."
"It's a he?"
"Yeah, I think so. Come look."
"No, fuck you."
"Come on, buddy. Seriously." Hunk tugged lightly on Lance's arm. He looked way too excited for this kind of situation.
"No Hunk, seriously." Lance replied, surprised at the sudden rush of emotion. His voice shook and his eyes became stupidly blurry with tears. God, he hated this kind of shit. "I'm like, super terrified right now."
"Alright yeah, fair enough." Hunk kept his eyes to the inside of Lance's door, but his face had softened. He turned to give Lance a quick smile and squeezed his shoulder.
It was times like this that Lance was overwhelmed with gratitude for having Hunk as a friend. The man came to his aid because Lance said he saw a fucking ghost, with no questions asked and armed with a large McDonald's meal deal no less. He's known the big guy for years, since high school, and even since the beginning Hunk had basically cared for Lance unconditionally. When the other students outcasted Lance for his severe ADHD which often came off as inattentiveness and overeagerness, Hunk was there asking if Lance would sit with him at lunch, and every lunch after that. Hunk had known him long enough to know that despite Lance's joking in the group chat, he was genuinely distressed, and despite the fact Lance was attempting to shovel an entire burger into his mouth, he still knew Lance was afraid.
"How are you so calm right now?" Lance asked, a little incredulously. "I thought you of all people would be shitting yourself along side me."
"To be honest if you weren't here, I would be shitting myself." Hunk chuckled timidly.
"Bro, do I give you strength?"
"Dude, I know you're super scared but like," Hunk slid his body to the side, making room for Lance, "he's seriously not doing anything. He's just standing there, staring at the wall."
"That makes it worse!" Lance exclaimed, before covering his mouth, terrified that the ghost had heard. Hunk had the same idea and stared inside the room, only to sigh relievedly and make a 'its fine' gesture with his hand. Lance quieted before saying, "He's all, menacing and shit."
"He looks like a twink from the 80's."
"He's got a mullet and everything."
"Ew, what?" Lance said, scootching forward to look through the door. Lance's heart froze, a shock running through his body that chilled his bones. It scared him all over again to see the translucent body, the streetlights shining through the window causing it to be almost invisible. It was difficult to distinguish its features from such a distance, but Hunk was right. The ghost most definitely had a man's figure. And was most definitely twinky. And most definitely had a mullet. He just stood there, in the centre of Lance's room, body phased through his shitty, blue, over-stuffed beanbag.
Hunk's phone chimed the same time Lance felt the familiar buzz of his phone in his hand. Hunk quickly put his phone silent before they looked at the message.
hairy gremlin [8:30pm] how is our ghost
i was threatened [8:30pm] HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HUNKules [8:30pm] Standing in the middle of Lance's beanbag
HUNKules [8:30pm] Not on it
HUNKules [8:30pm] In it
Big Daddy™ [8:30pm] So there actually is a ghost?
Big Daddy™ [8:30pm] You're not just messing with us?
HUNKules [8:30pm] Its legit, trust me
Big Daddy™ [8:30pm] Wow, I don't know what to say.
hairy gremlin [8:30pm] pics or it didn't happen
HUNKules [8:30pm] Can ghosts even show up on camera
hairy gremlin [8:30pm] yes fucko have you not been paying attention to anything ive shown you
HUNKules [8:30pm] Those are like
HUNKules [8:30pm] Fake tho
HUNKules [8:30pm] TheY ARE THO
HUNKules [8:31pm] THERE ARE LEGIT PHOTOSHOP RINGS AROUND ALL OF THEM.
hairy gremlin [8:31pm] THOSE ARE ASTRAL PROJECTION FIELDS YOU PLEB
hairy gremlin [8:31pm] JUST TAKE THE PICTURE I WANNA SEE THE GHOST
hairy gremlin [8:31pm] *bangs hands on table* I WANNA SEE THE GHOST
hairy gremlin [8:33pm] oh no
Big Daddy™ [8:33pm] Oh Jesus