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It’s amazing how one person can change your life. One person you had no intention to meet, or talk to. A complete stranger who becomes an acquaintance and then a friend. Then BAM! You’re inseparable. You share everything, from your deepest secrets, to your toothbrush… sometimes. You feel closer to them than you thought was possible. If you’re lucky, your bond is so strong that they’ll stay by your side forever, loyal friends, those are like siblings. But sometimes they don’t. They don’t because you end up ruining everything, like always. That’s what happened to me except I not only lost a friend, I lost what was probably the best relationship I could have ever wished for.

It’s funny how someone you spent so much time with, who knew you like the back of their hand, barely looks at you now.

Zayn was my everything. He was my best friend and I lived him so much. I still do. I guess I should’ve just kept it to myself.

It’s funny how someone who used to spend so much time with you, forget all the memories made together. Everything was so great, so right. I struggle to remember where everything went wrong.

It’s funny how people who used to support you, turn their back on you just like that. It’s not like I did it on purpose, I didn’t mean to ruin it all.

It’s all funny, really. Until it’s not. Until you get hate for every little mistake, until you get hate for nothing. Until they hate you just because you exist. Until they start threatening and hurting the one you love.

He broke it off that day, after one too many insults were thrown at us. Zayn wasn’t gay, he was bi which is why I was the one to condemn. I corrupted him, it wasn’t his fault, I was the one to blame.

It’s funny how people’s opinion of others change. I was still the same why couldn’t they see it? I got kicked out of the band. My family didn’t want me either.

It’s even funnier how I just believed all the shit they told me. How I became a ghost of who I once was. How I kept on trying to see Zayn even though he pushed me away, more strongly every time.

Once, not too long ago, some magazine wrote an article about how I had been found dead in an alley, from an overdose of heroin. It made me laugh but not for long. It’s funny how Zayn moved on so fast. It’s funny how I didn’t matter to anyone anymore. It’s sad though, sad how depressed I became. Sad the number of times I tried to commit suicide. How the people at the hospital whisper things like “He should try harder next time.”

It’s great. It feels great to know I’ll succeed this time. From the top of this building it’s practically impossible for me to survive after I hit the ground. If I do, I don’t doubt I’ll be rolled over by a car in seconds.

“Liam?” I chose the roof of the Shelton hotel. I took Zayn here on our first date. “I’m so sorry for all this, are not standing up for you. Please, don’t jump. I’m here now.” I am officially going crazy. “I wish it was true. I wish it wasn’t all in my head. I love you Zayn, I never stopped.” I took one last breath, and jumped. “Liam, noo!”


Ex-popstar Liam Payne commits suicide. 23 year old fell on the pavement from the roof of the Shelton. In a one on one heartfelt interview with People magazine, that came out not two months ago, Zayn Malik declared about the hotel: “It’s my go to place to think. The management knows and they let me do it. A lot of firsts I had happened there and I’ll keep them in my heart forever. It’s funny how we love, how we forget, how we lose, how we remember. The mistakes we make, the things we should’ve done, could’ve said to fix things. These memories, will never fade.“