Jaejoong was looking at a painting on the wall. Another painting in the National Museum of Korea in the new music sector. The museum just opened a new exhibit dedicated to all things music from idols to folk music. The canvas he was admiring looked ragged and ruff like the object has been moved around from museum to museum for the past hundred years. The painting was rather simple, it conveyed a group of men wearing what looked like hanbok's and playing traditional instruments in a forest. Flowers were blossomed around them and trees that outstretched to the sky. The men all had tanned skin that was possibly caused from the blazing sun over them peeking through the trees. But the painting beside the canvas is what grasp Jaejoong's attention. In the center of the painting was a Gayageum but it dented and chipped all around. The colour around the Gayageum was in dark hues that faded into one black hole. It was staring at him like it was trying to tell him something. He looked at the painting like he was trying to find the meaning of life. Right when he thought his eyes were going to bulge out of his face for over analyzing the painting wine glass suddenly appeared in his face blocking his focus.
"The painting is about the artist thinking that no one pays attention to traditional music anymore and the music industry in damaged" A women wearing an all-black slim dress just around 5'4 said smiling at him.
"What makes you think I want to know?" Jaejoong said smirking down at her and taking the glass from her hand.
"You were looking at the photo for a good 10 minutes in a daze" She said raising her eyebrows and folding her arms in front of her chest.
"Were you watching me?" he said squinting at her.
"So what if I was," she huffed "can I at least get a thank you?"
"Thank you baby, what would I do without you" He said as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
"I honestly don't know what you would do without me" she said leaning into his touch. This woman was none other than Amaterasu a rising star in Japan, known for with her youthful face and outstanding vocals at the age of 28. With jet black straight hair that goes down just below her bum and long creamy legs that match well with her black stiletto's. She was also Kim Jaejoong's Girlfriend of one year. When the press caught them on a date in Tokyo right after a JYJ concert at the Tokyo Dome, sometime mid-June, fans went mental to find out that the doe eyed male was finally taken, but in their fans supported the couple because they genuinely looked happy together. Amaterasu turned and kissed Jaejoong on the cheek, and linked their arms together.
"We should go to the main hall. The ceremony is about to start," she said with a smile.
The main hall of the museum was elegant and polished. Art painted on the ceiling accompanied with chandelier's dangling gracefully, the walls were cream coloured accompanied with wooden floors. Around the hall were accent tables with silk cloth draped over them and orchid flowers sitting in the middle. People around them were styled in suit and ties and dresses, talking and laughing among each other with wine glasses in their hands as the couple walked in. Jaejoong felt something off as some people around started talking in hushed tones. Some of his friends around him looked at him with worried glances and he couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy. He looked around and at the corner of his eyes he saw the reason.
He knows that figure anywhere. He lived with that man for 10 years. He was his best friend for 9 years.
He was in love with that man for... he even doesn't know.
And then the said man turned around, their eyes locked and memories crept under his skin like termites' eating at wood.
Their first kiss
The stars and moon in the sky radiated the city of Seoul. Jaejoong and Yunho were laying in their bed, tired from another long schedule, Jaejoong had his head on Yunho’s chest as the other put his arms around the other protectively. They could hear Junsu and Changmin fighting in one of the bedrooms down the hall and Yoochun complaining annoyingly about how he wants to sleep.
"Do you think they would ever stop" Jaejoong asked looking up to look into Yunho's almond eyes.
"It would have to take them to be physically moved from each other for them to start fighting but even then Changmin would find a way to cause trouble towards su" Yunho said as he pulled Jaejoong more into his chest.
Jaejoong giggled against Yunho's chest. It was times like these that makes Jaejoong's heart flutter in his chest. The members and thousands of people teased them of acting like a married couple and he can't help but agree with. Jaejoong knew his feeling for Yunho but would probably never tell them to him. He just couldn't put their friendship at risk, and Korea wasn't that friendly when it came to people who were gay. He wished things were different here, he wished he wouldn't be judged for just being himself. Jaejoong just hid his face further in Yunho's chest finding comfort in his scent and falling into a slumber.
The next morning, Jaejoong opened his eyes to see Yunho's back rising and falling softly. Why did he have to fall for a Yunho? Of everyone around them. Why not a girl? Of all people. It had to be Jung Yunho. Jaejoong sighed and got out of bed.
He needed some air.
Seoul at the time of 4:45 am was quiet and no one was out. He walked down the streets with his black hoodie and a mask hiding his face even though it was unlikely for someone to recognize him. He knew there was a big schedule for them today but he really didn't care at the moment. He's stuck in a Career where he's in love his band member and he doesn't know how the hell to deal with it. The stars were still out and almost mocking at him as he walked. They gleamed with might as he was tired and feeling like someone just ran over his heart at least 20 times.
He had to deal with his feelings fast.
After walking down Han River he thought of one solution.
Just slowly detach himself from him, don't sleep in the same bed, don’t feed each other, don’t stay by his side all the time.
Don’t love him, because one day he will find someone else and look at them the way you wished he’d looked at you and hold them like he used to with you but with more affection. He will have children you know you can't give him. He will be happy with someone else, that's not you.
And so that's what he did, he was doing well for a good month, all while getting looked at funny because he wasn't glued onto Yunho as usual. Yunho often asked if he was mad at him or something, but he assured him with the brightest smile he could pull off saying " I'm fine Yunho-ah, I'm not mad."
But it was when Yunho announced that he was going to spend time with his friends at a bar that the group knew something was up. Jaejoong had planned a dinner for everyone and was putting on a movie that he does when they have time off. Jaejoong turned around to Yunho about to glare at him.
Don't get attached...
A little whisper in his head said and instead he smiled at him.
"Have fun don’t get too drunk okay," He said and did an okay sign with his hand then turned around and continued with picking a movie.
Changmin's noodles fell out of his mouth as he looked at the scene. He was so ready to roll his eyes and another Jaejoong tantrum but instead he looked at Yunho - who had a similar look on his face - then back to Junsu and Yoochun who were looking at each other like they just saw a ghost. Changmin who then looked back at Jaejoong, who was softly humming and shaking his tiny hips picking a movie to put into the DVD player.
Jaejoong felt a sudden tension at the back of his head and pouted at them.
"What..." He asked shyly.
"You're not mad?" Yunho asked almost scared.
"Why would I be mad?" Jaejoong asked innocently.
"You’re always mad when hyung goes out with his friends," Junsu's high voice flaunted the room.
"Well I'm not, you should have fun with your friends" Jaejoong smiled slightly.
"Are you sure?" Yunho asked needing reassurance.
"Yes! Now go I'm trying to pick a movie here," he said shaking the handful of movies in his hands.
"Okay..." Yunho finally said before walking out the door. Jaejoong turned around looking at the other members.
"I'm stuck on these two movies" Jaejoong said filling his cheeks with air and holding up two movies beside his face.
Later, that night when the food was done and Yoochun was asleep, Yunho came home. His night out with his friends failed horribly as all he could think of was Jaejoong distancing himself from him. He hasn't realized how much they were so closely bonded together he and Jaejoong were until he started acting different. Not being so close to him when they sit next to each other, at first he didn't really notice but eventually there was a whole two fist of air between them. Like him not sleeping on his chest when he can't sleep or not sleeping in his bed at all. It was different. Not having anyone to hold in bed.
He was about to walk into his room and go to bed but this itching feeling was telling him he needed to talk to Jaejoong now. So he went to the only place he knew Jaejoong would be. His music room. He balled his fist and knocked on the door. He waited a couple seconds before he heard a faint 'come in'. He turned the door knob and walked in.
Jaejoong sat in his black chair with his headphones on. He had a pair of sweatpants on and a shirt that was a little big on him for the shirt was hanging off of his shoulder. Jaejoong turned around, stopped his movements and looked up with Yunho with his naturally wide eyes.
"Oh, you’re back. You’re pretty early today." Jaejoong exclaimed.
"Yeah, I left early because I wanted to talk to you" Yunho said.
"Oh, what do you want to talk about?"
Yunho kneeled down to take both of Jaejoong's hands in his own. Jaejoong's first instinct was to flinch away from him. Yunho sighed and pulled away before standing back up.
"This is what I wanted to talk to you about, whenever I go to touch you or anything you flinch or step away from me,“ Yunho looked down at his hands "Did I do something to scare you or harm you in anyway? I'm sorry if I did something bad to you, I didn't mean it"
Jaejoong started to panic.
"No, no, no," He said shaking his head, "It's nothing really, I'm fine Yunho, and you are amazing and would never do something like that to me or anyone for that matter"
" But you are not sleeping in the same bed anymore or talking to me as much as we used to, you don't even sit beside me in interviews" Was I really that noticeable? Jaejoong thought to himself.
"No, it's not like that it's..." Jaejoong stopped himself before he said something he would regret.
"It's what?" Yunho asked curious.
"See! You're closing yourself from me," Yunho howled. "It's like I'm talking to a wall with you. What happened please tell me why you are closing me out! Are you stressed? Did someone tell you something? Are you -?"
"Yunho!" Jaejoong yelled sitting up from his seat.
"Are you sick? Is there something going on in your family? Tell me Jae please, you’re not like this. Tell me Hyung! Tell me-"
"I can't!" Jaejoong yelled back him. "It will ruin our friendship if I did." Jaejoong whispered the last words looking down. But Yunho caught it.
"Why would it ruin our friendship?" Yunho said looking at Jaejoong with soft eyes and putting his hand on his shoulder to squeeze it a bit. He wants to help anyway he can. Jaejoong looked up at Yunho analyzing his face from his almond shaped eye to his mole above his lip. He brushed Yunho hand off his shoulder and sighed.
"Just drop it Yunho," He looked down at his feet.
"Jaejoong, please I don’t want you to go through this alone," Yunho said grabbing Jaejoong's face with his palms and bending down a smidge to look into his eyes.
Jaejoong really wanted to punch Yunho in the face. He makes it so hard for him to get over that him. With him being to caring and his smile on his face when he looks at him. His face when he's focused on listening to the CEO, his face when his concentrating, his face when he’s sleeping. How His body when he dances, How his body when right when it comes out of the shower, How is body opens up to him when he needs a comfort. Everything. Every single detail about Yunho makes Jaejoong's feel things he can't explain. And he's pissed because he is trying, trying so hard to get over him and look where it's got him?
Back to square one.
Jaejoong pushed Yunho away from him and stepped back.
"Just leave me alone Yunho! You’re not helping at all right now! It's annoying" Jaejoong barked looking up from his feel to look straight into his eyes glaring at him. Yunho eyes turned from soft to damaged to angry in the matter of seconds. And that scared Jaejoong.
"Fine!" Yunho roared and started walking out the room. Anxiety started to run through Jaejoong's veins.
"Yunho wait!" Jaejoong said chasing Yunho through the dorm.
"No, you want me to leave you alone. So I will stay in your little bubble"
"Yunho, I'm sorry I didn't mean to -," Jaejoong said walking behind Yunho as he walked into his room.
"Whatever Jaejoong," Yunho said walking around his room.
"It's just really hard to talk about without-"
"Just get out my room Jaejoong," Yunho glared at Jaejoong. Then pointed to the door. Jaejoong's heart pained.
"Yunho please-," Jaejoong was about to reach out to him when Yunho turned around.
"Jaejoong just stop, I'm trying to get you to open up to me so we can fix the damn problem but you just shut me down! I'm supposed to be your best friend, so that means you come to need a shoulder to cry on. What makes it so diff-" Oh Jaejoong should have also told his body to shut up because in a matter of half a second Jaejoong has his lips on Yunho's. His upper lip is temples. He has always wanted to know what it's like to feel finally feel his lips. He can feel Yunho still. Jaejoong opened his eyes. And looked at Yunho with terror.
"Oh My God!" Jaejoong's eyes started to water and he paced back and forth," I'm so sorry I didn't mean to... I … I'm going to leave" Jaejoong turned around to leave the room, their dorm and maybe the country. He just kissed his best friend. What kind of joke is God trying to play on him? Jaejoong was just out the room when Yunho pulled him back in and closed the door. Jaejoong looked at him so confused. He tried to pull away but alternatively Yunho gripped onto him tighter and pulled him close to his body. Jaejoong tilted his head to look anywhere but at Yunho.
"Jaejoong look at me," Yunho whispered. Jaejoong shook his head. Yunho repeated the same phrase 3 times, Jaejoong looked up at him. And something in his eyes told him all that he needed to know.
Slowly, Yunho leaned in towards Jaejoong.
Jaejoong's eyes fluttered closed right as their lips touched. It was so wrong on the beliefs of so many people on this world. But it felt just felt like pure bliss. The lips that connected together fitted together like a puzzle piece that has been missing and after finding it and fitting it in... it felt like victory, after winning a championship game. Everything up to this point was irrelevant. The feeling to their lips finally moving against each other is like the planets has aligned and shinning just onto them. At this point everything felt perfect.
Yunho pulled them so that they could lay on the bed.
Yunho pulled Jaejoong so he was on top of him both legs on either side of his waist and kissed him with so much love and passion that at this point he knew he might not love someone this much Jaejoong put his arms around Yunho's neck and leaned in more to the kiss. But was interrupted when they heard a banging on the wall.
"Yunho and Jaejoong Hyung!" They heard a high pitched voice "Changmin is trying to kill me because I won't feed him!" Junsu screamed through the walls.
"All you had to do was walk to the kitchen and make me food and stop being lazy," Changmin's voice boomed through the house.
"Why can't you make it yourself, if you actually did something and stop watching people do nasty things on your computer you could actually learn how to cook,"
"Ya," The taller of the two said as he started hitting the other. Jaejoong giggled at how immature the others were and rested his head on Yunho's shoulder.
"I should make them food before Yoochun kills them." he mumbled against the other skin.
"That would be a good idea, but can we stay like this for a while longer?" Yunho had a hand a Jaejoong's waist and another rubbing the back of his back. Jaejoong looked up and sat himself on Yunho's legs pouting.
"5 minutes," he said with a smile on his lips. Yunho took that as an invite and kissed Jaejoong again hugging him close to body.
Their first time.
It was in some Japanese hotel and they had to share rooms. Of course they were paired up together, they were a two for one deal. They don't really know how Jaejoong ended up laying on his back half-naked and a tanned man stripping from his t-shirt and falling on top of the latter kissing and sucking on his neck that were sure to leave hickeys on his neck.
It was getting hot way too fast. Their bodies were pressed against each other grinding on each other loving how the friction felt. Yunho kissed down all over Jaejoong's chest and then started sucking on his nipple while his hand played with the other one. He moved down to Jaejoong stomach and kissed him gently and stopped just above his pelvis.
They have thought about doing it for such a long time, but with the tight schedules and the members never giving them privacy it was hard to get intimate with each other. They have done stuff together of course with how much Jaejoong teases Yunho 24/7 but they were always interrupted from Changmin wanting food, Junsu whining or Yoochun walking by mistake. And now it's just the two of them. They have the day off tomorrow so they could stay up all night if they had too. Silk sheets and cotton pillows. Soft moans escaping from their lips.
Yunho pulled down Jaejoong black jeans that hugged his thighs with admiration. He kissed up from his toes right to his legs kissing around the others erection not wanting to rush their love making.
"Yunho," Jaejoong moaned.
"hmh," Yunho replied between kisses
"Stop teasing or I might kill you," Jaejoong said in a soft tone trying to control his voice.
Yunho husky voice chuckled at Jaejoongs 'threat' and crawled back up to Jaejoong's face and leaned to whisper into his ear. "You know you can't live without me,"
Jaejoong smiled and didn't reply because he knew it was true. Yunho always been there for him, always protecting him, defending him and loving him. No one understood him like he did. Through training, debuting, finding out he was adopted, and through any other hardships Yunho was there for him to lean on and cry his heart out when he didn't want anyone else to see. He wonders how he even lived without him and if Yunho was to leave his side would he survive.
"Let's just take it slow baby," Yunho said against Jaejoong's lips and kissed him softly before going back down to his legs.
And that's how they spent the night taking there time making it a moment that would last forever.
Skin against skin.
The sounds of Jaejoongs moans and Yunho's grunts.
The bed moving along with their motions.
And when the sun appears from the horizon, they are cuddled up together chest rising and falling exhausted from their night together.
"Yunho, do you think they will bother us for the rest of the day?" Jaejoong breathed out onto his lover’s chest.
"Well if they haven't stayed up all day by your moans and all they didn't get the hints from last night then I think were good," Yunho said with a slight smirk on his lip. Jaejoong's eyes widen and turned his head to reach Yunho eyes.
"I wasn't that loud right?" Jaejoong exclaimed.
"You were pretty loud baby," Yunho said with a grin on his face, knowing that he was the one who made Jaejoong moan like that.
"No I wasn't!" Jaejoong pouted and got off Yunho to sit up in front of him and cross legs.
"I bet the whole building heard you," Yunho loved teasing Jaejoong, he was so adorable and he had him all to himself.
"Ya Jung Yun-" Jaejoong started but couldn't finish as Yunho cut him up with a passionate kiss.
"And I'm going to make them hear it again," Yunho whispered on Jaejoong's plumped lips and pushed him down on to the mattress to mark his territory again.
When it ended.
"What do you mean you're not leaving?!" Jaejoong cried out.
"If we leave our career is over! They own us whether you like it or not! Right when we step through that door, we’re done!" Yunho yelled back.
"So you’re just going to stay after everything we've been through after everything they put us through!?" Jaejoong had tears building up in his eyes.
"I'm not gonna put my career in danger! What about our family and our friends in the company, what about-"
"What about us! We’re are a team, a family, we go through everything together! We had a plan Yunho! What about me!" Jaejoong cut him off. Jaejoong felt like he was going to lose his mind. After all the work they had put into getting all the information they need to go through with the lawsuit Yunho just bails.
"This is so like you Yunho always wanting to do the noble and honorable thing," Jaejoong said in almost a hushed tone. Was their love not good enough to last? Of course not, it was too good to be true. Jaejoong felt a tear drop down from his cheek and turned his face not wanting to face Yunho. Yunho reached to touch his arm but he pushed away from him. The other members are looking at them in shock.
"Stay with me," Yunho whispered. Jaejoong turned around startled by Yunho’s request. Could he stay with Yunho? What about the other members? Yunho walked up to him and reached out to caress his cheek.
"Stay with me and we can find a way to make it better," Yunho breathed out as he caressed Jaejoong’s cheek. Before Jaejoong could even think of a reply Yoochun was beside him.
"No, I'm not going to sit and watch this anymore, you know damn well Jae would drop everything to be with you," Yoochun walked up to Yunho and pulled him away from Jaejoong.
"That's his decision to make," Yunho replied stepping up to Yoochun so their faces were no more than a finger away from each other.
"No it's not, because he loves you and he'll do almost anything for you! He is so blinded by love that if you asked him to jump off a bridge he would. Why can't you just leave with us? That was the plan in the first place. Or do you have to go and kiss everyone’s ass like always,"
"Hyung!" They heard Junsu shout in the background.
"No, I'm sick and tired of how you think you can take advantage of Jaejoong's feeling and be so god damn selfish then still be able to turn around and bow down to Mr. Lee."
"Hyung if it wasn't for Yunho-hyung we wouldn't be as far as we are," Changmin stepped in to stand up for Yunho.
"And look what that got us?! A broken leg, sleepless nights and look were fighting against each other because of them!"
"We wouldn't be as successful well at least we would be happy! But no you're just going suck everyone’s dick to make sure that you’re in bright lights and shining no matter who goes down with you."
It happened all too quickly to even try to stop it.
Yunho lunged at Yoochun punching him in the face making him fall to the ground.
Yunho throw himself onto him continued to swing at him. But to say Yoochun wasn't fighting back was an understatement. Right at as the leader was about to throw another swing, the latter took it in his hands and gripped his fist with his palms and flipped them over for him to have a go. Yoochun realized his anger towards the older and let it all out, sure he was a good leader but all he did was be so fucking loyal to that bastard, Lee Soo Man, after all the harsh work he put us under and everything he still decides to stay.
Yoochun can hear Jaejoong yelling and trying to pull him off his beloved boyfriend. He can hear the high pitched voice of Junsu telling to stop. When he looked up for a moment and looked at Junsu and saw tears in his eyes pleading for him to stop. Right as he was about to stop, Yunho was back on top of him.
Jaejoong had more tears in his eyes as he saw bruises start to form. Jaejoong and all the other members were trying to get them stop but of course he was the one in the crossfire.
"Yunho stop it! It's not worth it!" Jaejoong hollers as he tries to pull him off the other. "We’re supposed to be a together! You guys are going to break each other! Yunho ple-"
Yunho was so enraged that he pushed Jaejoong off of him, not even thinking twice about it. And Jaejoong landed on his butt with a thud.
"God! Jaejoong get off of me and stop being so damn clingy and annoying, just sit down and shut the hell up," Yunho said irritated and it was like everything stopped.
"What?" Jaejoong said almost in a whisper.
Yunho and Yoochun were still fighting among each other but the other two saw Jaejoong’s whole demeanor change.
"That's what you're good at anyways, sitting there and looking pretty,” Yunho exclaimed.
Jaejoong has been called pretty ever since he was a child not handsome or masculine. Just pretty or beautiful or gorgeous. Maybe it was the fact that he grew up with eight older sisters that would dressed him up all the time that he grew up more feminine than ‘normal’. Or the fact that he has always looked so damn feminine that everywhere he went someone always mistaken him as a girl. He would always be looked down upon by others because they thought he was so 'pretty' to do anything. He was bullied at school and guys tried to touch him because of that oh so important factor that he was too beautiful to be a male. He was so pretty people accused him of plastic surgery. The way people lusted over him. The way people will always refer him as 'that pretty one of the group'. And Yunho and the rest of the group knew this. And Yunho still said it.
Yunho halted all his actions and got off of Yoochun not believing what he said. He looked at Jaejoong shocked in himself.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it" But the damage was done. Jaejoong got up not even looking at anyone and turned away, his emotions build up inside him.
"But you said it anyways," Jaejoong said in a weak voice. He started walking towards the door, wanting to leave but was pulled back by Yunho.
"Jae, I was in the heat of the moment, please" Yunho looked towards him with pleading eyes. But Jaejoong wasn't having any of it, and he ripped himself from Yunho grasp. Only to be pulled in again
"Don't. Touch. Me. Jung. Yunho" Jaejoong hissed at him.
But every time he fought the man only pulled him closer. Jaejoong slapped him, pushed him and punched Yunho angrily.
"Please just listen to me baby"
"I love you"
"I didn't mean it"
That's all he heard coming out of the younger's mouth as he felt tears build up in his eyes. Jaejoong shoved Yunho with all his strength and stepped away. He looked him in the eyes and took off the ring that Yunho gave him and threw it in his face.
"Go to hell Yunho, " He said in the calmest voice he could pull off before turning around, opening the door and slamming it shot.
Yunho stood there dazed at the turn of events.
No, he's not losing him. Yunho thought. Not after everything they have been through. Yunho runs out their dorm, after Jaejoong to look for him.
Leaving the other members to think among themselves.
"Is it really over?"
After hours of searching, Yunho was left empty-handed.
Jaejoong comes back to reality and he feels Amaterasu pulling on the sleeves of his Dress shirt. He turns and looks and at her.
"Are you okay?" she asked with worried eyes.
Jaejoong smiled at her half-heartedly and nodded.
Jaejoong looked back at the man and realized he hasn't stopped staring at him. He gently bowed at him and walked towards a table with his girlfriend on his arm. He knew everyone was watching. How could they not, it's been years since he last saw him in person. And everyone here knew that.
"SM finally let them go to the same public appearance," he heard someone say behind him and couldn't help but chuckle to the comment.
Tonight sure was going to be a long night.