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getting no peace

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Hirai Momo is not entirely sure that she’s not hallucinating this entire evening.

It started innocently enough. It’s Eunbi’s birthday, and Sana was excited about going clubbing after her party. Momo got dragged along because she always seems to get dragged along, where Sana is concerned. And where Nayeon is concerned, as an extension, Momo guesses.

Currently, she’s leaning near the bar of the sort of busy club, feeling too warm and underdressed in her shabby jeans, watching the girls she came with and feeling amused. Eunbi is beyond drunk — she’s been clinging to Sojung’s side for the better part of an hour, shaking her bangs out of her face and pouting. Sojung’s just laughing at her, along with Eunbi’s other friends who Momo doesn’t know that well. She knows Yerin, they’re in the same year, but the other girls are less familiar. Mina is here somewhere, attached to Jeongyeon’s hip, probably.

Momo is mostly feeling a little overstimulated. Loud music, loud laughter, her head hurting a little from the alcohol. It has nothing to do with Nayeon and Sana giggling all over each other on the dancefloor, she tells herself forcefully. It’s normal for them. Why would she care? Why would she be staring at them from across the club, over the rim of her beer? Momo feels underdressed because she’s staring at the two of them in their short skirts, even if Sana’s is paired with a long-sleeved shirt and baseball cap. It’s still like, a thing. Momo just threw on the pants she found first and kept on the same t-shirt she’d been wearing all day.

Nayeon is more dressed up than Sana (she usually is), a whole little coordinated skirt and crop top, and she looks good. Nayeon always looks good. Momo takes another sip of her beer.

“What are you sulking about?” Jisoo’s voice is unexpected near Momo’s ear, and she jumps.

“Nothing,” she replies quickly with a grin. Jisoo is nice, but they don’t know each other that well. She’s more of Nayeon’s friend, which makes Momo’s (non-existent) staring kind of weird.

Jisoo just smirks at her. “Okay. Sure. You’re hot, and this is a lesbian bar, but sure.”

Momo makes a face. “What’s your point?”

“My point is that you don’t have to be pouting over here in your butch jeans. There are like ten girls staring at you.”

“Well maybe I don’t feel like staring back at the moment,” Momo defends herself grumpily. She doesn’t, really. “And my jeans aren’t butch.”

“Sure, honey,” Jisoo says with a laugh. “Tell Nayeon bye for me, will you? I’m headed out.”

“Yeah,” Momo agrees easily, watches her leave with her little blonde girlfriend, the one Momo has dance classes with sometimes. Momo’s starting to feel weird about still being here, watching other couples dance and leave with each other, but she guesses that’s just life. She finishes her beer, turning toward the bar and contemplating ordering another one.

“Momoring,” a voice coos, and Momo turns to find Sana herself, smiling big and wide with pink cheeks (the color both from her favorite coral-toned blush and from the fruity cocktails she’s been drinking for an hour.)

Momo smiles, because any other reaction would be immoral and dishonest. It’s hard not to smile at Sana. “Hi,” she replies easily. Sana laughs and crowds herself into Momo’s space, pressed against her front with arms around the back of Momo’s neck.

“Hi,” Sana chirps back happily, leans in to kiss her on the cheek. (And Momo’s not blushing, because it’s not a big deal, because sometimes friends kiss each other on the cheek, right?) “Are you having fun?”

“Not as much as you,” Momo answers with a smirk, letting her hands rest on Sana’s waist, like friends do. Like one friend to another pretty, smiling, but highly romantically-involved friend.

“Well, we should fix that, then,” Sana tells her with a giggle, pressed in close. She smells like her perfume, sweet and floral, and god, this is too much.

Momo is a good person. She has spent the last two months quietly smoldering, and she doesn’t intend to catch fire now, even if Sana smells like flowers and is warm against her in her little skirt.

“I look away for one minute, and I’ve lost my girlfriend.” Of course Nayeon’s here now. Of course she is. Momo is overwhelmed. She feels kind of sweaty.

Sana giggles again, close to Momo’s ear before backing up and attaching herself to Nayeon instead. Except Nayeon is allowed to wrap her arms around Sana’s little waist and kiss her lightly, allowed to look at her all fond. And Sana is allowed to look at Nayeon back. And Momo is still sweating.

“Momo-yah, you need to get off the bar. Why aren’t you dancing?” Nayeon asks her, teasing with a little grin. She’s wearing pink lipstick and Momo is having trouble not staring at her lips.

“I just don’t feel like it much, unnie,” Momo answers with her best attempt at a grin.

“Well, I want to see you dance. I love when you dance,” Nayeon tells her. Sana’s still leaning against Nayeon’s chest, but Nayeon reaches a hand out to grab at one of Momo’s and pull her closer to the dancefloor.

Momo feels flattered at the comment, the way Nayeon must have known she would. Matters are made worse when a Rihanna song starts playing and Sana pulls back from Nayeon to grin excitedly between the two of them.

“I love this song, dance with me, Momo,” Sana pleads, sticking her lower lip out to pout and grabbing Momo by the wrists.

Momo sighs, but it’s through a resigned grin. She knows Nayeon and Sana won’t stop, it’s their trademark. They work well together, both able to prod you into something so sweetly you don’t realize you’re going along with it until it’s too late. Sana and Nayeon work well together in a lot of ways, and Momo spends ample time trying not to think about them.

Currently, Sana is still dragging Momo out to the dancefloor, putting a hand on her hip when they get where Sana apparently wants to be. Momo feels the alcohol in her system now that she’s moving around (and isn’t that always the way), and she decides to go along with Sana and Nayeon’s request, let her hips move with the beat. Sana follows her lead, hips swaying in time, one of her hands still held firm at Momo’s hip. It’s a lot, the way Sana moves, the way she tips her head back and laughs while she does it, like she’s embarrassed. She keeps pulling herself closer to Momo, their legs getting tangled up until one of Sana’s is slotted between Momo’s, which is fucking unreal, in Momo’s opinion.

“Don’t you like this song, Momo?” Sana asks her sweetly, leaning in close to her ear with another laugh. “I love this song.”

I like you, Momo thinks a little desperately. She wishes she was either much more or much less drunk, because her current level isn’t working for her. Sana grabs her hands, lacing their fingers together while Sana twists her hips with the beat. Momo is trying to keep up, trying not to drown (or was it catch fire? Her metaphors are getting inconsistent), letting her very well-practiced sense of rhythm carry her through the song.

“You’re so good, Momo,” Nayeon says, and it cuts through the music because it’s close to her ear, because Nayeon is suddenly crowded up against her back. “You don’t even have to try.”

“Of course I do,” Momo argues, just to have something to do with her mouth besides making confused struggling noises. Nayeon’s hands are at Momo’s waist, Sana’s leg is still between Momo’s (and now Nayeon’s?), and the combined heat of the two of them wrapped around her is making her definitely very sweaty, in a way that is not cute at all.

“Hi, unnie,” Sana says with a grin, and god, her smile is cute. Even cuter when it’s aimed at Nayeon, so sweet and flirty. She doesn’t move her hands from Momo’s or her leg back into its own area. Nothing changes at all, except Nayeon is giggling against Momo’s back.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Nayeon says back. She takes one of her hands from Momo’s waist to run down Sana’s face, pulling her closer by the chin. Of course, “closer” means further into Momo’s space, until they’re finally kissing over one of Momo’s shoulders.

Momo laughs a little nervously, and pulls herself easily out from between them. They both let go of her the second she moved, and now they’re just looking at each other, music loud around them. Momo swallows.

“Sorry,” she says, trying to play it off with another laugh. “I was in your way.”

Sana and Nayeon glance at each other. “No, you weren’t,” Nayeon says quietly, as quietly as she’s really able to on the dancefloor of a club, biting her lip. Momo wishes she didn’t think Nayeon’s teeth were so cute, because it’s making it hard to stay focused.

“What?” It’s all Momo can manage, really, because she’s a little drunk and she’s confused and she is still so damn overwhelmed. It’s one thing to have a crush on Nayeon, it’s another thing to have a crush on Sana, but being pressed between them, to have them both looking at her all cryptic, is too much, and she doesn’t know why the universe is punishing her. Maybe it’s for that time she stole a bun from a bakery in grade school.

Sana is smiling again, genuine and sweet, and she approaches Momo slowly, like you do to an animal you don’t want to startle. “We just want to dance with you.”

There’s something deeper there, something else in the way Sana is looking at her so reassuring, but Momo has had a few drinks, and Sana is holding her hands again. So she smiles back, slow but a little more sure than she’s been feeling for the last ten minutes.

“Okay,” she replies. She moves closer to Sana and Nayeon swallows, visible from a foot away. There’s really something going on here, something they should probably talk about more fully, but Sana’s hands, and then her hips are moving again. She turns Momo around into something like a back hug, which is typical of Sana, but then her hands move from Momo’s to sit on her hips, clumsy fingers making the hem of Momo’s shirt ride up a little. Sana just laughs as she moves them both slowly, fluidly. Momo’s the dancer but Sana has always been pretty good, always able to keep a rhythm and make it look good. Not that Sana’s biased or anything.

Nayeon is a different story; her dancing is clumsy at best, but she’s still beautiful, her big tipsy smile so endearing as she moves close to them, puts her hands on Momo’s shoulders. and brushes her hair out of her face. Despite Sana’s fingertips at the waist of her jeans, it’s Nayeon brushing that lock of hair away that makes Momo blush. Nayeon just keeps smiling at her.

They go on like that for a couple songs, Sana getting closer to her, Nayeon’s hands wandering down to Momo’s waist. Momo’s mouth feels dry but she’s having trouble not getting pulled into their energy, the weird flirty atmosphere between the three of them. She’s freaking out a little bit, but she also thinks maybe she’s passed the freaking out stage. She’s not sure what comes next, though, besides moving her hips a little more loosely and reaching out one tentative hand to sit on the nape of Nayeon’s neck.

They’re all pressed close together, and Sana moves Momo’s hair over to her other shoulder so she can lean her face in tight, press a soft kiss to Momo’s cheek. That one feels more significant than the one earlier, more...something. Nayeon’s eyes light up at it, and she bites her bottom lip again.

“Momo-yah,” Nayeon says, leaning in closer still so Momo can hear her easily.

She pauses then, and Momo has to respond, “Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Momo blinks, her mouth falling open. Sana’s cheek is still so close to her own, and she doesn’t even stiffen at the words. She might be smiling, Momo thinks; she can’t see her face, but she knows, suddenly, that Sana is smiling. Nayeon looks nervous at Momo’s silence. So she decides to end it.

“Yeah,” she says simply, and doesn’t wait for Nayeon to lean in. She tilts forward instead, bringing her other hand up to wrap around the back of Nayeon’s neck as she kisses her. Momo can hear Sana inhale sharply, can feel Sana and Nayeon’s hands tighten on her, and Momo has officially caught on fire. Or drowned. Either, both.

She pulls back from the kiss a little breathless (drowning will do that to you) and Nayeon’s gaze is dark, a smirk on her lips.

“Wow,” Sana breathes softly, and Nayeon switches to a proper smile, eyes shifting over to Sana. “Does that mean I’m allowed too?”

Momo just nods, and Sana barely hesitates before nuzzling into Momo, pressing soft kisses against her shoulder, her neck, the underside of her jaw. Momo tips her head up on instinct, and Sana laughs into the juncture of her neck, stops laughing when Nayeon leans in to kiss Momo’s lips again.

It’s a lot, all at once, and Momo feels herself gasp without really feeling in control of it. When Nayeon pulls away smiling again, Momo feels herself smile back. They’re still dancing, just barely; they’re swaying too slow for the music, but it’s something, and it’s keeping Momo from floating up to the ceiling.

She has questions, but she doesn’t know if she wants to ask them. She’s enjoying this so much, is the thing, and she doesn’t want the bubble to burst. None of them have said anything, just picked their rhythm back up to match the new song, something electronic Momo is having trouble focusing on. Not with Sana so close to her, Momo’s skin still tingling where her lips were, Nayeon’s gaze heavy as she looks between them.

“Your lips are pink,” Nayeon tells her with a little smirk. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Momo breathes.

The rest of the night is a blur; they get more drinks, they dance, they keep dancing. Mina and Jeongyeon pass them at one point and Momo gets a look from Mina, but she can’t bring herself to care. She loses track of time, loses track of almost everything trapped in their warm bubble, all of them laughing and stealing glances at each other.

Momo doesn’t question it when Sana pulls her into their cab with them, doesn’t even think twice. She likes sitting between Nayeon and Sana, the way they’re both leaning on her shoulders.

“We like you, you know,” Nayeon says simply, her hand on Momo’s knee.

Sana nods. “Do you like us?”

Momo closes her eyes, her head leaned back against the fabric of the taxi seat, and breathes in slow with a smile. “Of course I do.” It’s an easy answer, so so easy. Nayeon’s hand tightens on her knee, and Sana giggles softly.

Momo has questions. For how long? and Like me how? and Now what?, but she’s tired. She’s tired and she’s drunk and she’s warm between Sana and Nayeon. Mostly, though, she’s happy, so she forgets her questions easily enough and lets herself lean into their touch.

(When they get to Sana and Nayeon’s apartment, they stumble through laughing until they get to the bedroom, where Nayeon looks very concentrated as she takes off her makeup, and Sana reaches under her shirt to unclip her bra and pull it out through a sleeve, shimmying out of her skirt and draping it neatly over the back of the closet door. Momo feels weird watching their nightly routine as an outsider; it’s practiced, the way Sana and Nayeon share the mirror and Sana reminds Nayeon her sweatshirt is dirty.

But then Nayeon looks over at Momo and asks, “You want to borrow pajamas?” And Momo is shaken from her weird moment of hesitation, and brought back into the present, where two pretty girls are looking at her so expectantly. And she really doesn’t have any questions that are important, when she thinks about it. Not right now.)