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Always trying but never enough.

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Running out of the house after Emma I yell out to her, “He deserves to hear my side of the story, he’s my son.”

For the past while all I have wanted was for Henry to believe me. Once Henry got that storybook, and especially after the curse broke, he has been distancing himself from me. Which as heartbreaking as it is, I do understand. I held on too tight and lied to him. Watching Henry pull away from me broke my heart so, I decided to try and redeem myself for the sake of my relationships with my son. It has been very hard but every time it gets tough I remind myself that it’s for Henry. Slowly I have gotten there and I am proud of my progress.

“He’s not, he’s mine. And after this you’re not getting anywhere near him.”

Hearing Emma yell that at me made me stumble back and choke on my breath. I know when Emma first came to town I kept them apart, but after I let Henry go with Charming I thought Emma would be more understanding and agreeable. I thought she could see how much I was trying to change, how much I was trying to be better for Henry.

“You can pretend all you want but we know how you are and who you will always be.”

That was it. I couldn’t anymore. I’ve been trying so hard to be better, going out of my way to be nice and civil. I just stare at Emma trying to comprehend where this is coming from. Emma, the one who refused to believe in the curse, is siding with them.
I take a deep breath and start to walk backwards but stumble. I am able to catch myself and turn around quickly to head inside the manor.
Once the door is shut I lean back and take a deep breath and hold it in for a few moments before releasing it. Numb to the world, I make my way up the stair case and head to my bedroom. I let my fingers slide across the walls as I go feeling the textures but never quite registering them.

I am able to make it to my room and perch myself on my bed. I mindlessly look up and see one of the very first pictures Henry drew when he was little.
It has two little stick figures, one being him and the other being me. There is heart and the word “Mommy” scrawled along the top.

That’s all it took to make me break. That little boy who loved me so much, won’t even talk to me anymore. The woman who I thought was starting to see that I was changing, doesn’t think I am capable of change.

I crumble into a ball and let the tears take over. My son doesn’t want me anymore. He doesn’t want me as a mother. He doesn’t love me. I'm not enought for him. No matter how hard I try, I just cant win. Maybe I am worthless. Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy.

I wasn’t good enough for Mother. Daniel was gone too early. The king acted like I was some doll. The person who I thought was starting to believe in me, doesn’t. My son doesn’t want me.

I should just take myself out of their lives. No one would care. No one would even notice.

Mother was right. Love is weakness.