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That's What Friends Are For

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Finnick isn’t someone easily angered. He considers himself to be pretty easy-going overall. Many mammals who thought they knew him would disagree, especially since he always answered the door with a baseball bat in hand, but that was just being street smart. Working cons could be pretty dangerous work, but if you were smart about it and took efforts to watch your own back, things aren’t so bad.

So when Finnick enters Leopold’s Tavern, hops up onto the bar itself, and starts screaming at Nick, most mammals wouldn’t exactly call that a stereotypical Wednesday for him.

“A bunny cop Nick?” Finnick says loudly in exasperation.

“Good evening to you too, Finnick, how may I help you?” Nick asks.

“How can you help me? Are you serious? I think you need help! Do you have brain damage?! I hate to say this, but I think you need the hospital, man! I knew she was a bunny, which is weird enough as it is, don’t get me wrong, but the literal fuzz?” Finnick rants. While he’s ranting to Nick on the bar, he doesn’t notice said bunny walk up behind him, drink in hand. “I get that it’s been a while, but seriously Nick, there’s so many fish in the sea that aren’t also covered in fucking bacon-”

Finnick hears a mammal clear their throat behind him, to which he turns over his shoulder briefly and says without looking down, “You can wait a second, okay? I was here first. Nick, make me a Manhattan so this mammal shuts the hell up while I berate the fuck out of you.”

Nick shakes his head with a chuckle as he gets to work on Finnick’s Manhattan.

Finnick continues on, “Anyway, I’ve forgotten where I was before I was so rudely interrupted. Oh yeah! I get that you haven’t seen any serious action in literally years, but seriously? Come on! Where-”

The mammal clears their throat again, this time louder. Finnick turns around fully, and before it even really registers to him that he’s talking to a bunny, he says, "What?! What could be so important to you that you need to interrupt me right now? Nick is busy.

Judy raises a paw up in greeting and says, “Hi. My name is Judy Hopps. The bunny cop?”

Finnick stares at her in disbelief for a moment. He glances at her paw and snorts. “What the hell are you doing here rabbit? Don’t you have some preds to go beat up with your copper friends?” he asks. “Oh wait, you’re literally way too small to do any serious damage to anyone. It’s a wonder they even hired a little fur ball like you.”

“I’d watch out if I were you, Finn. Judes has beaten up a rhino before with no weapons. I'd hate to see her if she was packing,” Nick says from behind the bar.

“No one asked you Nicholas,” Finnick replies.

Judy rolls her eyes and says, “Besides, I think you’re smaller than me and you’re a predator. I understand you’re trying to protect your friend here, but Nick being a predator clearly doesn’t bother me.”

Nick sets down the Manhattan and Judy hops up onto the seat nearest to where Finnick is. Nick says, “Stop making a fool of yourself, Finn. If you’d just sit down we can talk about this.”

“I’ll even buy your drink,” Judy chimes in.

Finnick looks back and forth between the pair and growls out, “Buy me my next two drinks too and you’ve got a deal.”

“Deal,” she responds.

Finnick sits down on the stool next to Judy and says, “The name’s Finnick. Some people call me Finn. You’re not one of those people.”

“Isn’t he charming?” Nick asks.

“I can see why he’s your best friend,” Judy replies.

“I’m right here ya know,” Finnick chimes in.

“Oh we know. The whole bar knows you're here,” Nick says. “Anyway, Finn, this is Judy. Yes, she’s a cop. Yes, she’s pretty new to Zootopia. No, she’s not a bigoted moron.”

“She’s also smart, funny, kind, beautiful, amazing and has an, and I quote, ‘amazing ass that’s out of this world.’ I get it. In all the times I had to hear you rant and rave about her, you didn’t once think to mention that she’s a fucking cop?” Finnick asks.

“Well… I omitted that piece of information on purpose. I didn’t want you to jump to some asinine conclusion about her because of it,” Nick responds.

“But you could include the fact that you think my butt looks good, huh?” Judy asks coyly.

“Well yeah. It looks great, Fluff Butt. Of course I mentioned it.”

Finnick adds, “He didn’t just mention it. If you could hear some of the shit he wants to do to it, you might re-think this delusion you have of wanting to date him. Actually, that’s a perfect idea. Nick also mentioned that-”

“Ah, ah, ah Finn, that’s enough of that,” Nick says with a nervous chuckle.

“No, no. I want to hear this,” Judy replies. “Go ahead and tell me Finnick.”

“I’d rather just tell you myself! You know, when we get there,” Nick interjected sternly.

“Perfect. I agree, you should tell me yourself. Since you’ve already told Finnick, I suppose you wouldn’t mind repeating it again for us right now?” Judy asks.

Finnick, eager to watch this unfold, leans back and takes a sip of his Manhattan. “By all means, Nicholas, why don’t you tell the lady?”

Nick blushes profusely, and not for the first time he’s thankful that his red fur helps mask that. He looks around the room a moment and leans against the bar to get closer to the two mammals sitting expectantly in front of him. Nick closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before speaking quietly, “I started out by saying, ‘the things I would do to that ass.’ To which Finnick, of course, asked what I would do, you know, to that ass. Then… I may have mentioned that I’d… oh God this is embarrassing. I may have mentioned that I’d eat your booty like groceries.”

“And?” Finnick asks.

“And that I’d totally smack that ass all on the floor,” Nick says with his head in his paws.

“Uh-huh and what else?” Finnick pries with a smug swig of his Manhattan.

Nick groans and begrudgingly stands up straighter, knowing Finnick wouldn’t settle for anything less than an actual demonstration of how he talked with his paws the first time. “And that I would give it my best college try to take,” Nick holds up his cupped paws in front of him with his eyes closed in quiet shame, “her ass and motorboat the fuck out of that thing.” Nick mimes the action as enthusiastically as he did the first time he spoke to Finnick about it.

Judy raises her eyebrows in surprise. She’s blushing, obviously, but is pretty calm all things considered. “Never been swamp-boated before, but there’s a first time for everything I guess,” she says.

Finnick howls with laughter. “And what else, Nick?” he asks.

“Come on Finn! That was it. I didn’t say anything else about her ass,” Nick replies.

“Oh, you’re right. So I guess you wouldn’t mind if I said the other thing, then? Since it's not about her ass?” Finnick asks.

“What other thing?” Judy questions.

“Well, he said-” Finnick can’t get very far before he’s cut off by Nick again.

“Okay! Okay. Then I said, ‘Don’t even get me started on her tail.’” Nick replies. “Um… I kind of have this weakness with really fluffy things. And I may or may not have talked about how fluffy and adorable it looked for a little while.”

“Oh yeah. For about five minutes. At least. He wouldn’t shut up about how bad he wanted-” Finnick is cut off again.

“Ah! Finn! Jesus!” Nick takes a deep breath again, leaning in close once more. “I may or may not have talked about how badly I wanted to touch it. But like with every part of my body if I could manage it. To see how it felt.”

“Oh, but Nick, that’s not really all you-”

“Okay! I have a particular interest in how it probably feels on Nick Jr. if you catch my drift,” Nick says as he turns to Judy. His green eyes practically scream ‘please save me from him.’

“Huh,” Judy pipes in. “That’s very interesting.”

“And that's not it if you can believe it or not. Nick, there’s a few details you left out there-” Finnick is cut off by Judy this time.

“That’s okay, Finnick. This should suffice enough for our purposes. He seems pretty thoroughly embarrassed. Besides, I’d like some of it to be a surprise,” she says.

Finnick and Nick both turn to her in shock.

“What? You both look like I haven’t heard most of this before. My butt is pretty incredible,” she says.

“Okay, and on that note, I’m fucking done here,” Finnick says before tipping back the rest of his drink. “Thanks for the drink, but I’m taking an I.O.U. on the next two. You seem okay for a dirty copper. We’ll see. Ciao.” Finnick hops off his stool and walks out of the bar before either one of them can protest.

“Is he always like this?” Judy asks.

Nick clears his throat. “No. He’s normally a pretty reasonable guy, honestly. He also usually doesn’t walk into a room guns a blazin’ either.”

“What about the part where he thoroughly embarrassed you?” Judy pries.

“Oh that’s pretty typical. Not really what he was going for in that situation, though. I think he was hoping you’d think I was a dirty horn dog or something.”

“I’m a bunny Nick,” she deadpans.

“Yeah, so?” Nick asks.

“I’m a fucking bunny, Nick,” she swears for the first time in front of him.

“Oh yeah. That’s a thing, isn’t it?” he asks.

“Yeah, it is. Don’t worry, I’ve heard all the jokes before. And, don't worry, pretty much anything you could think to say about my butt has probably already been said. The tail stuff though? That’s pretty interesting,” she replies.

“You think so?” Nick asks.

“Oh yeah,” she replies.

“Huh. Okay,” he says. “So can we continue this conversation at a later time or...?”


“Right on.”