Actions

Work Header

IMMA BEAT THAT PUSSY

Chapter Text

[Group chat: IMMA BEAT THAT PUSSY]

 

 

rapgod: Everytime I come here to say something I'm reminded of how much I hate all of you

 

mommy: why

 

taehung: why

 

jimbo: why

 

hoesucc: why

 

rapgod: BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKING GOUOP NAME WHY ARE YOU LIEK THIS

 

minsugagenius: Learn how to type you illitarate fuck 

 

rapgod: ...

 

rapgod: IT'S ILLITERATE OH MY GOD I CAN'T DEAL WITH ANY OF YOU

 

taehung: not our fault u decided to make dat song lmao

 

rapgod: IT WAS YEARS AGO, LET IT GOOOO

 

jimbo: LET IT GOOO, LET IT GOOOO ♪♪

 

taehung: CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOREEEE

 

hoesucc: LET IT GOOO, LET IT GOOOOO

 

mommy: TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR

 

rapgod: why

 

rapgod: What did I do to deserve this?

 

rapgod: I was a good child, I went to church every sunday and I did my homework

 

hoesucc: But u made out with da priests daughter in the churchs closet

 

rapgod: hOSEOK YOU DIDN'T

 

jimbo: OOOOOOOOOH SNAP

 

taehung: U GOT EXPOSED DAAAAAMN

 

taehung: namjoon hyung rn: 

 

 

jimbo: ^^ LMAOOO

 

mommy: What the fuck is he talking about Kim Namjoon.

 

jimbo: oh shit, the full name

 

taehung: namjoon hyung u better run lol

 

rapgod: I-

 

[rapgod left the group]

 

taehung: LMAOOOOOOOO

 

jimbo: I CAN'TKAHAKKA

 

hoesucc: I JUST HEARD HIM SCREAM "FUCKING HOSEOK YOU PIECE OF SHIT" FROM HIS ROOM

 

hoesucc: OH SHIT HE'S BANGING MY DOOR

 

hoesucc: I'M SCARED HE'S SCREAMING ABOUT "BEATING YOUR FUCKING ASS YOU FUCKING DICK"

 

hoesucc: 

 

taehung: ^^ iconic

 

hoesucc: I YELLED "CASH ME OUSSIDE HOW BOW DAH" JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED

 

hosesucc: IT GOT WORSE

 

jimbo: do u have a death wish or

 

hoesucc: NEVER HEARD HIM CUSS SO MUCHASFAS

 

hoesucc: I'M GONNA JUMP OUT THE WINDOW

 

jimbo: don't u live in like the 8th floor

 

hoesucc: I RATHER DIE THAN FACE HIM RN TBH

 

taehung: can i keep ur figurines

 

hoesucc: THEY'RE GOING TO THE GRAVE WITH ME

 

mommy: Tell him I told you this: Kim Namjoon, you come here to my apartment right now or you're never coming near this ass again.

 

mommy: clear?

 

hoesucc: Yes dad thank you so much I owe you my life 

 

mommy: xx

 

hoesucc: OMG HE DEADASS FUCKING BLASTED TRU THE FRONT DOOR LIKE

 

hoesucc: GOTTA BLAST, GOTTA ZAYN, SONIC MODE ACTIVATED

 

jimbo: LMAO HE'S SO WHIPPED 

 

taehung: i wanted ur figurines :(

 

hosucc: WELL TO BAD BITCH THEY'RE MINE UNTIL I FUCK UP AGAIN AND HAVE TO FACE DEATH BY THE HANDS OF KIM NAMJOON

 

taehung: *noted*

 

hoesucc: wdym

 

hoesucc: why noted

 

taehung:  ily hyung <3

 

hoesucc: i am scared

 

hoesucc: why am i scared

 

jungcook: Hi, what did I miss?

 

jimbo: namjoon hyung done fucked up

 

jungcook: Again? lmao what did he do?

 

jimbo: scroll up u lazy ass

 

jungcook: Wow rude

 

taehung: it's all hoeseoks fault

 

taehung: hoseok*

 

taehung: ps same thing

 

hoesucc: Should I be offended or...?

 

taehung: it's literally ur nickname

 

hoesucc: Oh damn ur rite lol

 

mommy: You're all so stupid, why did I give birth to such stupid children

 

taehung:

 

taehung: mOM

 

jimbo: fuck you taehyung

 

minsugagenius: Everytime you say you gave birth to us I wanna puke

 

mommy: I gave birth to ALL OF YOU

 

mommy: YOU CAME OUT OF ME

 

mommy: OUT OF MY VAGINA

 

minsugagenius: ...

 

[minsugagenius left the group]

 

jimbo: another one down

 

taehung: rip

 

hoesucc: Weak ass 

 

mommy: He can't tolerate a little biological inaccuracy 

 

mommy: Anyways namjoon arrived

 

mommy: like 10 minutes ago

 

mommy: but I decided not to open the door and make him wait while I take a nice loooong bath

 

jimbo: LMAO

 

jimbo: ur such a petty bitch

 

mommy: Did you just call me "bitch"?

 

jimbo: I'm sorry, it won't happen again

 

mommy: It better don't.

 

taehung: no but like

 

taehung: isnt anyone curious abt wht he wanted to say???

 

mommy: Not really

 

hoesucc: Couldn't care less

 

jimbo: i have better things to worry about

 

jungcook: i still don't know what happened so no i guess

 

taehung: yall savages 

 

_______

 

[mommy added rapgod to IMMA BEAT THAT PUSSY]

[mommy added minsugagenius to IMMA BEAT THAT PUSSY]

 

rapgod: So, like

 

rapgod: Before all of that happened I had something to say 

 

rapgod: Like

 

rapgod: All I wanted to know was if any of you borrowed my pendrive

 

taehung: who cares lmao

 

taehung: we want the details

 

jimbo: yeh what happened at seokjin's? 

 

mommy: Seokjin hyung*

 

jimbo: yeh wtv

 

mommy: The disrespect

 

jungcook: Stop avoiding the subject and tell us 

 

minsugagenius: Oh my god who cares

 

hoesucc: Yes pls tell us

 

minsugagenius: Yeah tell us

 

jimbo: OMG WHIPPED

 

taehung: hyung UR OBVIOUS AF

 

hoesucc: Who are u talking to?

 

taehung: *facepalms*

 

taehung: anyways tell us 

 

mommy: ok

 

rapgod: Honey no

 

mommy: Don't "honey" me bitch

 

mommy: Okay so

 

mommy: He gets here and knocks on the door like 2 times bc he was kinda scared

 

rapgod: I wasn't scared

 

jimbo: joonie huyng why do you hate yourself so much

 

mommy: Ok i see namjoon

 

mommy: Moving on, i didn't open. I made him wait 40 minutes while I took the best bath of my life and got changed into my comfy clothes. Then I opened the door and he fell backwards (lmao) cos he was sitting against it and fell asleep (couldn't even stay awake waiting for me). so, inmediatly after he realizes i let him in he got on his knees and started begging for my forgiveness like the peasant he is

 

rapgod: Honey pls

 

mommy: shut up fucker

 

jimbo: lol

 

mommy: Well that's all the interesting bits, after that I asked him to explain the priests daughter incident and he did. When he did I told him that for me to forgive me he had to do some... things and he agreed so all good

 

hoesucc: Don't even wanna ask but LMAO NAMJOON UR SO WHIPPED 

 

taehung: "Then I opened the door and he fell backwards (lmao) cos he was sitting against it and fell asleep" FUCK OH MY GOSNDAAK

 

jimbo: best day of my life

 

jungcook: Namjoon hyung why are you like dis

 

taehung: same

 

rapgod: I ask myself the same question about all of you everyday

 

mommy: so

 

mommy: Wanna come over for dinner, my children? I'll make japchae

 

taehung: YASS MY FAV

 

taehung: I LOVE YOU HYUNG YOU'RE THE BEST HYUNG IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD

 

taehung: I'M LEAVING RN

 

jungcook: Exaggerating much

 

jimbo: jealous much

 

mommy: Ur welcome son, love you too

 

mommy: Anyone else coming?

 

jimbo: i'm in

 

jungcook: Me too

 

minsugagenius: Idk I'll see

 

hoesucc: I'm coming too!

 

minsugagenius: What time?

 

jimbo: istg ur the most obvious 

 

mommy: Ok see you, love you, pls wear a coat it's getting cold

 

jimbo: ok mom

 

jungcook: ok mom

 

taehung: ok mom

 

hoesucc: ok mom

 

minsugagenius: I'm not calling him mom

 

mommy: Ur not eating if you don't

 

minsugagenius: ok mom