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I Almost Lost You

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Sam woke up the next morning with a major headache. He groaned and sat up, stumbling into the other room. He dreamt of Dean last night; talking to him. Sam shook his head a bit then laid down on the couch, putting his head in Lucifer's lap.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and looked down, moving Sam's hair from his face.

Dean had come down to earth again a few hours after Cas had left. He asked Lucifer if it was alright if he was able to stay until Cas came back. Lucifer's answer was a simple "Yes", too. Every so often, Dean would leave for an hour and go up to Heaven to all his Heaven's to make sure he wasn't locked out of any, glad that he wasn't. It was tiring, yes, but he has to do it. Currently, he was sitting cross-legged on a chair, half asleep.

Lucifer slowly stroke and smoothed Sam's hair, "Sam, there's someone here for you to see."

Sam sighed, "Who?" He mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

Dean had his legs dangling over the edge of the chair, arms crossed over his chest, and his head laying against the back of the chair. God, he was tired...

"Open your eyes, Sammy." Lucifer said softly.

Sam swallowed thickly, remembering what the demon told him. That was exactly what the demon told him to do. Sam whimpered and shook his head, curling up, covering his ears.

Dean grunted and opened his eyes at his brother's sound of distress, looking over at him. "Sammy," he murmured. "It's alright."

Lucifer frowned and brushed Sam's hair from his face again.

Sam jerked away then climbed over the back of the couch and went to his room, shutting and locking the door. He shook a bit and slid down the wall, sitting in the corner.

Lucifer looked at Dean and sighed, "I don't know what's gotten into him."

"What you're saying is reminding him of the demon." Dean frowned. His image flickered and he was gone, appearing in front of his brother. "Sammy..." Dean said quietly.

Lucifer looked at Gabriel with hurt eyes, "I didn't..." He shook his head.

Sam backed away into the corner more, hiding his face between his chest and knees and covering his ears.

"Sam, it's just me," Dean murmured softly. "I'm not going to hurt you. I won't even touch you if you don't want me to."

Sam shakily looked up a bit, seeing Dean's boots, "Y-You're not real." He whined.

"Well, I am and I'm not," Dean sighed. "I am dead, yes, and I'm actually here, alright?"

"Like a ghost." Sam said in more of a statement than question, but keeping his head down.

"Um. Kinda..." Dean murmured quietly with a weak shrug.

Sam narrowed his eyes, "Everything is all but okay."

"I promised you I would come whenever I could," Dean murmured. "I guess I'm going to be here with you more until Cas gets back."

"What do you mean until Cas comes back?" Sam looked up at Dean with teary eyes.

"There's...There's a civil war going on in Heaven," Dean said quietly. "Cas isn't letting me help fight."

Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes, "I'm never going to get over this demon thing, am I?"

Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I have no idea, Sammy." he said quietly.

Sam frowned and put his forehead on his knees, "I just want you alive."

Dean sighed and carefully moved closer. "I know you do, Sammy." he said quietly.

Sam pulled his knees closer to his chest, "Dean, I can't close my eyes or look around without remembering what happened to me."

"I know, Sammy," Dean said softly. "It's not the worst thing that's happened to you, though. You let Lucifer use you as a vessel. That's probably the worst..."

Sam shook his head, "No, it wasn't. I mean, yeah. He tried to kill everyone, but he didn't try to kill me."

"I know," Dean sighed. "You got hurt in the Cage by Michael and Lucifer. You lost your soul."

"Still wasn't the worst." Sam mumbled.

"Yeah..." Dean said quietly.

Sam sighed and looked at Dean then swallowed hard when he saw blood on Dean's side, "Y-You're bleeding."

Dean winced when Sam said that, looking down at his side. "I think Cas got hurt..." he said quietly, making that the whole mate thing happened when one of them got physically hurt, too.

"Should you go check on him? I mean it's bleeding pretty bad." Sam frowned.

Dean nodded, holding his side. "Will you be alright while I'm gone?" he asked.

"Yeah. Yeah. Just go." Sam nodded. "Take care of him."

Dean nodded and was gone, appearing in the house he and Cas were in before. "Cas?" Dean called out.

Cas grunted and whined, walking out of the bedroom slowly, holding his side.

Dean let his own side go before hurrying to Cas, catching him before he could collapse. "What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"Raphael turned." Cas said out of breath. "I was fighting by his side then he turned on me. I was barely able to get away. I'm sorry." He panted and whimpered.

"It's alright. Hey. You're going to be fine, Cas..." Dean whispered, taking Cas to the bathroom.

"I need to get back out there and warn the others." Cas tried to leave, but was push back down by Dean's hand. "Dean."

"I'm sure they'll pick up on it," Dean said. "If you get anymore hurt, so do I." Dean said, gesturing to his own bleeding side.

Cas tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, "Y-You're bleeding."

"Because you are," Dean said. "Same exact spot, same exact depth, same everything. Let me fix you. Please."

Cas hesitated before nodding in agreement.

"Thank you." Dean murmured. "Take your shirt off." Dean said while quickly getting the first aid kit out.

Cas slowly took his shirt on and winced as the fabric pulled on the wound a bit. He dropped his shirt on the floor and whimpered, looking at it.

"Shh...it's alright," Dean soothed, crouching down and opened the kit. "Just think about something else. Dot think about what I'm doing, alright?" Dean waited a moment for Cas to speak. When there was no answer, Dean sighed. "Cas." he said softly.

Cas looked at Dean and shook his head, "There is nothing to think about."

"Try." Dean murmured, taking out a little wipe, carefully, wiping the blood off Cas's skin and off the deep wound, biting his lip when Cas winced. "Sorry..." he whispered.

Cas groaned and squirmed, "It hurts."

"Shh..I know..." Dean tried soothing. "Just relax and try to think about something other than the pain."

Cas narrowed his eyes and growled, thumping Dean on the side of the head, "You try being in this situation, Dean."

Dean grunted. "Sorry." he mumbled quietly, grabbing a needle and some thread to stitch Cas up.

Cas took a deep breath and watched. After he was cleaned and stitched up, he sighed and stood, "I need to go, Dean. I have to warn the others about Raphael."

"After you warn them, will you come right back?" Dean asked, looking up at his mate, standing a moment later.

Cas frowned, looking down a bit, "It depends..."

"On what?" he mumbled quietly, looking at his mate.

"How many of my brothers and sisters were killed." Cas looked down more.

Dean sighed quietly. "Take as long as you need," Dean murmured. "Try not to get hurt again please."

"If anything, I will be killed. Not injured, but don't worry. If I die, it will only send a pain that drops you to the floor, but you will not die." Cas shook his head.

Dean looked down, tears filling his eyes. "Don't you dare die, Cas." Dean said, his voice shaking roughly. "Don't you fucking dare."

Cas sighed and walked past Dean, "Go be with Sam." He smiled a bit then disappeared.

Dean sank to the floor of the bathroom, not going anywhere. He didn't want Cas to die. Not again. He could handle Cas dying for a second time.

Sam was worried about his brother and Cas now. He didn't know what was going on. Sam sighed, standing and slowly making his way back into the other room.

Lucifer looked up and frowned before turning back to Gabriel.

Dean didn't go back to Sam. He was to scared for Cas now. He didn't want anything to happen to Cas. If something happened, Dean could quickly go to Cas and get him away from danger quickly.

Gabriel looked up when he heard Sam come out of the room, looking back to Lucifer and nodding towards Sam.

Lucifer sighed and turned to Sam, "Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"I think so..." Sam said quietly, sitting on the couch next to Lucifer.

Lucifer nodded. Now he had to choose his words more carefully, "Where's Dean?"

Sam leaned against Lucifer, pressed close. "In Heaven with Cas. Dean hasn't come back, though..." he said quietly.

Lucifer frowned, pulling Sam to lay his head on his chest then began to slowly stroke Sam's hair, "Why hasn't he come back? Do you know?" He looked down at Sam.

"He had to take care of Cas," Sam mumbled. "Dean was bleeding badly because Cas got hurt..."

"The war. Right." Lucifer nodded and sighed. "Let's just hope Cas doesn't die."

"What'll happen to Dean if he does?" Sam asked quietly, glancing up at him.

"When your mate completely disappears, it sends a pain through you. It drops you to the floor. It's a short pain, but very painful." Lucifer narrowed his eyes.

"When Cas died the first time, why didn't that happen to Dean?" Sam asked quietly.

"Because Castiel was still there in spirit." Lucifer answered.

"I'm confused..." Sam whispered. "What do you mean...?"

"Okay. Well, when Cas "died" he was in spirit. Dean could still feel him there with him. When Cas dies in Heaven, Dean won't feel him anymore and it cuts off a great connection." Lucifer looked at Sam.

"Oh..." Sam said with a tiny nod, laying his head against Lucifer's chest again.

"You get it now?" Lucifer ran a hand gently through Sam's hair.

"Yeah," Sam said quietly. "I'm just really worried about him right now..." he whispered.

"All we can do is hope Castiel makes it through the war." Lucifer sighed.

"Knowing Dean, he'll make sure Cas lives." Sam sighed.

"If Dean interferes, Castiel will surely die. They will kill him on site." Lucifer frowned.

"Where will he go if he dies in Heaven?" Sam asked. "Purgatory?"

"No. You disappear forever. Never to be seen again. You become nothing. Disintegrates."

"Oh..." Sam mumbled weakly. "I don't want you to die and then die again..." he whispered into Lucifer's chest.

"Sam...I only die once then I'm never coming back." Lucifer said quietly.

"Don't die, Lucifer," Sam whimpered. "Please don't die."

"I will try, Sam." Lucifer leaned down and kissed Sam's hair softly.

"Don't even try," Sam said. "Make sure it doesn't happen."

Lucifer nodded, even though he might not be able to keep that promise. He needs to protect Sam at all costs.

Dean hasn't moved from the house. Well, he's moved from the bathroom to the livingroom couch, just walking for Cas to walk through the door. It's been almost three hours. Cas wasn't dead, nor was he hurt. Not even in danger.

Cas slowly opened the door, looking straight ahead with dull lightless eyes. He walked in and just stood in the doorway.

Dean looked up, thrilled to see Cas. It was like Cas came home was a war like the soldiers do. Well...actually it was like that. "Cas!" Dean said happily, jumping up and going over to him, wrapping his arms around him. Dean frowned when Cas did nothing. "Cas? What's wrong, baby?"

"Raphael and his followers killed over half of the Garrison." Cas said blankly, still looking straight ahead.

Dean frowned more and took Cas over to the couch, sitting him down. "Is there anything I can do to help, baby?" Dean asked quietly.

"No. They are all dead." Cas swallowed thickly and felt a tear escape his left eye, it rolling down his cheek.

"God, Cas..." Dean whispered, pulling Cas close to him, gently stroking his hair.

"I am going to rest. I need my strength to fight Raphael tomorrow." Cas stood, easing away from Dean and went to the bedroom. He lay down and faced the wall, closing his eyes but not actually falling asleep.

Dean frowned and stayed on the couch, waiting to see if Cas would call him inside.

Cas didn't feel like calling for Dean. He knew Dean would come to bed when he wanted.

Dean sighed shakily before he finally stood up and went to the bedroom door, pausing, and leaning against the doorframe. "Cas?" he said quietly, hesitatingly. "Can I come in and lay with you...?"

"If you wish." Cas muttered. Cas was silent for a moment before he nodded, "You do not need to ask, Dean." He said shakily.

Dean sighed and nodded slightly before slowly walking into the bedroom and crawled into bed with Cas.

Cas turned over and buried his face into Dean's chest with a sigh.

Dean nuzzled his face into Cas's hair, holding him close. "I don't want you to fight Raphael." Dean whispered.

"I need to, Dean. He killed my family." Cas's voice was muffled by his mate's shirt.

"I know..." Dean sighed. "I just don't want you to get killed again..."

"Please stop." Cas sighed. "Stop talking. I want sleep."

"Sorry..." Dean said weakly, shutting up immediately.

Cas pulled Dean closer and fell asleep instantly.dean, however, stayed awake. He didn't fall asleep. He didn't want to. Hell, he didn't want Cas to go after Raphael. If anything, Dean would go help if needed.

The next morning, Cas groaned as the light shown through the windows and hit him in the face. "Damn light." He sighed and sat up.

Dean had fallen asleep some time around midnight, waking up when Cas did. "Cas..." Dean whimpered.

"Hello." Cas smiled as he moved off the bed and got into his war uniform.

Dean got up and walked behind Cas, wrapping his arms protectively around his waist.

Cas pressed his back against Dean's chest and sighed, "What's the matter?"

"You," Dean whispered, nosing the crook of Cas's neck. "You're reckless for doing this and maybe a little stupid because you might die. You dying will hurt me terribly, Cas. I-I don't want to lose you. Not again. I can't bear losing you for a second time. Let it go, Cas. Please. I'm begging you."

"Dean, I can't." Cas shook his head. "I need to fight Raphael and end this. I need to save my brothers and sisters." He kissed the side of Dean's head.

"Cas, please..." Dean whimpered. "I am begging you not to do this. Please..."

Cas turned around in Dean's arms and kissed his mate's forehead, "I am sorry, Dean. I need to fight Raphael. It's the only way."

Dean whined quietly, not wanting to let Cas go.

Cas nuzzled Dean's cheek with his nose gently and smiled, "I love you."

Dean felt tears fill his eyes. "Don't want you to go..." he said weakly.

Cas took Dean's face into his hands and frowned, "Please say you love me. Please..." He whimpered.

Dean opened his eyes, tears clouding up his vision. "God, I love you so fucking much..." he said shakily, folding his arms around Cas tightly.

Cas pulled Dean to him tight for a few moments before trying to pry his mate off, "Dean. Dean, let go."

Dean whimpered, letting go slightly. When he opened his eyes, tears started to fall and the tears made it look like his bright emerald eyes were even brighter.

Cas wiped away Dean's tears gently and sighed with a small smile, "Usually I'm the one crying." He laughed a bit.

"U-Usually it's me a lot of the times..." Dean muttered quietly.

Cas rolled his eyes and smiled, "If you say so."

"I don't want you to leave..." Dean whined. He went to pull Cas to his chest again, but feeling Cas's splayed out hands press on his chest made him stop.

"I need to go." Cas frowned and moved around Dean, leaving the house.

Dean whined quietly, fisting his hair tightly.

Cas walked to the middle of a clearing in the Garrison and narrowed his eyes, "Raphael!" He yelled, looking around then stopped when he saw the dark skinned man standing in front of him a few yards away.

It was too long already and Dean was already getting nervous. He traced Cas's Grace before appearing in the same field with him and Raphael, but appearing a little farther away. Dean was about to run forward when he suddenly felt two angels, probably Raphael's followers, holding him back.

Cas looked at Raphael and mafe an angel blade appear in his hand, "You killed our brothers and sisters."

The angels grabbed Dean and smirked, "Come to protect your little mate? Raphael is going to kill him before he even tries."

Raphael smirked softly. "Brother, Brother, Brother," Raphael tsked, "always butting into other's battles. Never knowing when to keep to himself," Raphael smiled. "You haven't changed."

"No!" Dean wailed, struggling in the strong grip of the angels. "No!"

Cas growled and gripped the blade tighter in his hand then stopped when he heard Dean scream. He swallowed thickly when he looked over at his mate.

The dark haired angel raised his eyebrows, jerking Dean back a bit, "Raphael...We have a little visitor come to watch." He smirked a bit.

Raphael smiled. "He's like a lost puppy, Castiel. Have you noticed that?" he hummed. "He just can't get away from you.

Dean struggled still, thrashing and trying to force himself away. Everything he tried, nothing worked.

"You leave him alone!" Cas growled, glaring hard at his traitor of a brother.

The dark haired angel smirked at Cas, "I am actually surprised you don't recognize me, Castiel."

Cas was silent for a moment then swallowed hard, "Ion." He narrowed his eyes.

Ion shrugged and nodded, "Yeah."

Raphael smirked, playing with his own blade. "After being with those humans, that you call friends, for so long, shouldn't you know to never trust anyone?"

"Let go!" Dean cried out, beginning to panic and it was obvious.

Cas looked over at Dean then back at Raphael, "Leave him alone and let's get this over with."

Ion growled and held Dean tighter.

Cas looked over at Dean then back at Raphael, "Leave him alone and let's get this over with."

Ion growled and held Dean tighter.

Raphael glanced at Dean before looking back at his little brother. "After I kill you, I'll have the pleasure of kill your little mate over there." he smirked.

"C-Cas, no!" Dean cried, tears falling down his face again, struggling frantically but the angel's grip wouldn't give in.

Cas didn't look over at Dean as he went after Raphael.

Ion smirked and forced Dean onto his knees to watch.

As the two angels fought, Dean had gotten some scratches on his body where Cas did. Dean shut his eyes and turned his head away, unable to watch anymore.

Cas collapsed to his knees, using his remaining strength to cut his Grace from Dean so he wouldn't get hurt anymore. Though, if Cas died, it would still affect his mate, "I just want to know why." Cas grunted as his bloody head was jerked back.

"Without Daddy here, Castiel," Raphael said, gripping a fistful of dark hair, "someone has to take charge. Don't you agree?"

Without Ion knowing, Dean had slipped an angel blade of his own out, swiftly stabbing him and killing him instantly.

Cas swallowed thickly, looking his brother in his eyes, "You are not God. You will never be God." He growled.

Ion screamed in pain the dropped the to ground, the other angel fleeing.

"God?" Raphael laughed. "Who said anything about me being God?"

Dean grunted and stood up, despite his injuries.

"You are acting like you are." Cas's breathing then hitched when the blade's tip was pressed against his chest. "Do it if you're so sure." Cas narrowed his eyes.

Raphael smiled darkly and was about to shove the blade through Cas when he suddenly felt a blade rip through his own chest from behind, dropping his blade.

Cas looked up and sighed in disappointment, his smile fading.

Dean panted and collapsed to the ground with a grunt, wincing.

Cas was dazed for a moment before he blinked then pulled Dean towards himself, "Dean?" He patted his mate's face gently.

After a moment, Dean came to again, looking at Cas. "What...?" he said quietly.

Cas whimpered a bit at all the blood then looked up as he saw a pair of boots im front of him. It was the angel who help Ion hold Dean, "If you have come to kill me then do so." He narrowed his eyes.

The angel was silent as he knelt down and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, healing him of all injuries, as well as Cas, then disappearing.

Dean opened his eyes again, no longer hurting so much. "Why did he help us...?" he asked quietly.

"He wasn't on either side really. He just wanted it to end either way." Cas frowned. "He would help whomever walked away."

Dean nodded, laying his head on Cas's shoulder, feeling tears build up in his eyes. "I almost lost you..." he whimpered, feeling Cas soothingly stroke his hair.

"It most likely would have been for the better." Cas said blankly and sighed.

Dean shook his head. "Don't say that, Cas..." Dean croaked. "Please don't say that."

Cas was silent as he looked over at Ion and whimpered. He stood up and walked over, tears forming in his eyes, "No. No, no, no." He trembled as he knelt down next to him.

Dean swallowed roughly. "Cas..." Dean whispered. "I-I'm sorry. I'm really...really sorry..."

Cas picked Ion's vessel into his arms and held it close to his chest as he cried, not caring as it soaked his shirt in blood.

"Cas..." Dean whispered, getting up and slowly walking over to him.

Cas whimpered and buried his face into the crook of Ion's neck, shoulders shaking and hiccuping on his cries.

Dean frowned and sat next to Cas, gently rubbing his mate's back and resting his chin on his shoulder. Dean didn't know what to say or do, so he just kept quiet.

Cas moved away from Dean and pulled Ion with him.

Dean frowned. "Do you want me to leave...?" he asked quietly, already standing up.

"J-Just...go away..." Cas said shakily, pushing Ion's hair from his face.

Dean nodded and was gone in the blink of an eye, appearing in the bedroom to the house. Dean curled up on the bed, laying on Cas's side, hugging one of his pillows tight to his chest.

Cas looked down at Ion before pulling out his blade. He dragged it across his wrist and let the blood drip onto the vessel, healing it.

Dean let himself cry into the pillow. After Dean killed Ion, Dean thought Cas hated him for that.

Cas erased the vessel's memory of being taken over then sent it down to Earth to live a normal life. Cas stood, stumbling a bit then appeared in the bedroom with Dean. "Dean..." His voice broke as another sob threatened to surface.

Dean looked up slightly, eyes red from crying. "You hate me, now, don't you?" Dean asked faintly. He released the pillow and moved over to his own side of the bed.

"No, I could never hate you." Cas whimpered and appeared in front of Dean again, holding his arms out slightly, just wanting to be held now.

Dean hesitated before pulling Cas close to his chest, repeating that he was sorry over and over again.

Cas held Dean close, burying his face into his mate's shirt.

Dean felt tears in his eyes again, suddenly feeling Cas's tears stain his shirt, but Dean really didn't care.

Cas eventually cried himself to sleep, still clutching Dean's shirt and not wanting to let go.

Dean buried his face into Cas's hair. "It's over," Dean whispered as Cas slept. "It's all over. No more fighting."