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The tip is nothing

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It's a beautiful morning of early spring, and Leo will probably remember it forever, even when he'll have forgotten everything else. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping pleasantly from the trees of the nearby park, the weather is mild and he's thinking of going out without wearing a coat for the first time in months, which is one of his favorite things ever: freedom from winter clothes. It's such a beautiful morning, indeed, that he's one hundred percent sure that nothing really bad can happen, because not even a vengeful god, as the one he has learned about during those two, maybe three, lessons of catechism he took when he was ten, would let anything ruin it or make it weird.

And yet.

Maybe God got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Or maybe he just hates him, considering that apparently he's a vengeful being and he generally hates queer people, sex before marriage, sex with multiple people, lust and all the other things that define Leo as a person. Whatever it is that bothers the old deity, something horrific is about to fall upon him and Leo has literally no idea.

The good weather, concurrently with the end of his latest book, has lured Leo out of his office, which is now being aired, cleaned and probably denuclearized by his lovely husband. Nobody – not even Blaine, which says something – is allowed to enter that room while Leo is writing a book. He lives, eats and sometimes sleeps in there for days, which means that when he finally gets out with a new book and bags under his eyes, the place is always in great need of care and cleanse.

Leo won't do it – unless strongly pushed in that direction and, even that, very grudgingly – so Blaine always takes upon himself the challenging task. Luckily for everybody involved, he likes to clean, and they can all hear him singing I Dreamed a Dream from Les Misérables upstairs and delivering a very heart-felt and extremely traditional rendition of Fantine's solo.

After finishing a book Leo should edit it, but he knows better than starting right away with the corrections. He learned the hard way that an author can't change anything about his book as soon as he finished it and that you need a reasonable amount of time to get the necessary detachment to do just that. So, he's enjoying his free time by playing all the video games he has bought but put aside because he had to work. He's got at least twenty new titles to test, and he intends to go through all of them before going back to his book.

The sight of him alive and well brings all his children in the living room; Timmy included, which should tell Leo that something is off. Timmy is almost in his twenties and, despite loving his dad very much, he has usually much better things to do than hanging out with him. As the twins bring a selection of their toys in a corner and start playing there, Timmy pretends to be reading a book about pigs, sitting on the couch right next to Leo.

“Dad?” He says after a while and a very long chapter about pigpens that required all his attention.


“Can I ask you a question?”

Leo doesn't feel the storm coming. Besides, if there's something that is always allowed in the house are questions. As a general policy, Blaine has taught them all – Leo included – to always ask questions when they have doubts. “Sure, shoot,” he says, encouragingly as he actually shoots an enemy down in his video game.

“What was your first time like?”

Somewhere inside Leo's game someone dies an horrible death, screaming like an eagle. That's what happens when you're supposed to kill enemies with your plasma cannon and instead you get distracted by your firstborn child asking to have a chat about sex. Now, unlike most families, sex is not a taboo topic for them. Not that they go around being super graphic with the kids, but they don't treat it like a big, secret deal. Still, the first thing that comes to Leo's mind is that he thought they already had this conversation with Timmy at least six years ago and at least one or two times each year since then, so he doesn't see what kind of doubt he can have.

The second thing that comes to Leo's mind is that he's pretty sure Timmy stopped having a theoretical knowledge of sex when he was about fourteen or something like that, thanks both to his sexual prowess and that of Leo's sister Santana – a concept that tends to freak people out until they know that there's no blood relation between the two of them, that they're basically the same age and that, since their weird family history is made of several break-ups, come-backs and the worst timing ever, they didn't get to grow up together at all.

Anyway, it's been a long way since then, and after being on and off with Santana for several years, Timmy is now having some kind of relationship with Cody's son, Alex, about which Leo doesn't know and doesn't want to know anything for several reason.

“Um, I thought you knew how it was like,” Leo says. He's buying time, he admits that.

Timmy finally puts the book down. “I know when it happened,” he says. “And what happened next. The whole world knows what happened next, actually. But I don't know the details.”

Leo frowns. “You want me to tell you the details of my first time with your father?” He asks, just to be clear. Actually, he doesn't know if he would be willing to disclose such information with his own son – everybody else, yes, but Timmy is another matter – but he wants to be sure this is exactly what he wants to know before saying yes or no.

Timmy looks at him for the longest time ever, his beautiful blue eyes always so serious. For a moment he really seems to take that into consideration, but then he shakes his head, making a face. “No, I don't think I want that,” he finally concludes. “I know too much about that already.”

Leo can't help the sigh of relief. “Okay,” he says slowly. “So, what exactly is that you want to know? Is there any problem?”

“No, I don't have any problem, I guess.”

That at least is good news. “Is it somebody you know who has a problem?” He asks. Then, he decides to take as a yes the non-committal sound that comes out of his son's mouth. “All right. I'm here to help him or her if I can. What's the matter?”

Timmy seems still reasoning about what to tell him and how, which is unusual for him. He is the most straightforward guy Leo knows, besides Blaine. In fact Timmy is the spitting image of his father who raised him to be another version of himself, but updated and blonder. It really must be something serious if it's taking this kind of toll on him.

Leo is about to get really worried when Timmy makes it clear that this is not a question of embarrassment or fear. He is not hesitating because he's ashamed of what he wants or needs to say, but because the matter he wants to discuss feels weird and pointless to him too. “I guess what I want to know is if you did everything right away or not,” he finally says.

“Everything meaning...?”

Timmy sighs. “When you talk about your first time with dad, you don't mean when you started messing around, right?”

Leo would like to tell him that there was no messing around period between him and Blaine. They simply did it, plain and simple, and then they just refined it. Better, Blaine refined him. But he feels like this would be a pointless clarification in regard to this conversation. “That is correct.”

“Okay.” Timmy nods slowly. He opens his mouth, supposedly to continue speaking, but then he sighs in frustration, closing it again.

Leo places the joypad on the coffee table and scoots over, closer to his son. “I feel like you know exactly what you want to ask but you're having trouble finding the right words,” he says. “Why don't you just say it? It doesn't matter how. I won't mind, I promise.”

Timmy nods, apparently appreciating the fact that Leo managed to get it, for once. “Okay, Lately Alex and I talked about sex. Well, we always do, actually, but this time we specifically talked about the first time we did it.”


“And Alex told me he was happy that his first time was with me.”

“Aw, that's sweet.”

Timmy looks up. “But it was not!”

Leo frowns. “It wasn't sweet?” He asks, puzzled. He knows Alex is not his father and he's fifteen or something, so maybe sex for the first time has been wild and restless more than sweet, but he wasn't expecting such fury in Timmy's voice. Then again, Cody had his moments of no-sweetness too, so...
Maybe it's genetic.

“It was not with me!” Timmy cries out, even more frustrated.

If Leo was puzzled before, he is totally confused now. “His first time was you, but you weren't there?” Leo asks, a little sarcastically maybe. Just a little.

Timmy sighs. “Okay. I'm gonna be straightforward here, okay?”

Leo nods. “By all means.”

“Well, when we did it the first time, and I mean did it for real with all of me inside of him,” Timmy says, very specifically. Leo really tries not to make any kind of face, “ha had already done it with a stupid guy named Sasha.”

“Okay. So why does he say that you are his first time?”

“Because I've been messing around with him since he was, like, this tiny thing....”

“Too much information, Timmy.”

But Timmy has started talking and he's not going to stop now. “If we didn't do it before, it's only because I couldn't physically fit inside him. He was like... closed, you know what I mean?”

“I... think so, yes.”

“I could only slip so much of it inside,” Timmy continues, making his dad's life miserable. “I would do what I could, but it wasn't much, unfortunately. Then stupid Sasha comes along and Alex's suddenly open and stupid Sasha gets in. But Alex says it doesn't count!”


“Right? That's what I said!” Timmy exclaims, fired up.

Leo raises a finger. “I actually didn't say anything.”

“According to Alex, me messing around was enough and that's his fucking first time and Sasha only came second,” Timmy continues. “But that's bullshit! I had only put the tip in. Like, what's the tip? It's light years from the real thing. The tip is nothing.”

Timmy is so fired up that Leo can't stop him in time and so he's forced to hear it all. He tries to keep his face blank and nods sympathetically until, finally, Timmy seems spent and he shuts up. “So,” Leo says carefully, not wanting to wake the lion again. “You are a little disappointed that Alex's real first time was not with you. That is comprehensible, but you have to think that you don't have sex with everybody the same way, so the first time you and Alex did it, it was a first time in itself and nothing can change that.”

“Oh, but I know that!” Timmy says as if Leo had just told him such a trivial thing.

“Then, forgive me, Timmy, but I don't get why you needed to talk to me,” Leo blinks a few times. “Don't get me wrong, whatever the problem is, I'm here to help you. I just don't understand what am I supposed to help you with.”

Timmy gives Leo his trademarked sometimes you're so dense, dad look. “Do you agree with me when I say that me barely putting the tip is not even remotely close to have sex with him, and that, consequently, Alex's first time was Sasha?”

Leo blinks. “Well, if Sasha was the first one Alex had full intercourse with, then yes,” he says. Besides, he's a great supporter of the concept that it's not sex if there's no penetration. “You had only messed around with him before that.”

“Thank you!” Timmy says as he stands up. “I knew you would get it!”

And with that he's gone and Leo is not really sure what just happened here. He probably made some mistake he's not even aware of. He usually does.
Sometimes he comes out of his studio after being locked up in there for weeks and things like this happen; and then they ask him why he spends so much time in there alone.