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It's a Trap

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~Levi~ Shiganshina Chocolate

It's a trap. It's so obvious it hurts to look at it.

The basic set up, as far as Levi can tell, consists of a gigantic iron cage suspended over a rigged plate on which the bait is set.

You'd have to be an idiot to fall for it.

Except the bait is chocolate. Shiganshina chocolate. The kind which was wiped out along with Wall Maria, and who Jeager is the only person left alive who knows how to make it.

His hands shake as he takes a stuttering step forward.

Goddamnit! He's Humanity's Strongest Soldier! His willpower is stronger than this. There is no way he is playing Arlert's little game by falling for a trap so obvious a child could avoid it.

The cage falls down around him with a bang.

Shit.

Levi picks up the plate. Jeager's Shiganshina special, just the way he likes it.

Ah well. At least he has chocolate.

He'll kill Arlert later.

---

Armin dipped his pen in the inkwell, flipped open his little black book, and wrote "Captain Levi: Shiganshina chocolate," underneath the words "Erwin Smith: High heels."

He'd have to thank Eren for this later.

 

~Erwin~ High Heels

 

Its a normal day in the Scouting Legion. Well, as normal as you can possibly get in "The Military's Nuthouse," as it was called by those who had even a passing familiarity with the branch.

Levi is on his way to his office, a cup of coffee in one hand, ready to get started on the meaningless paperwork the bureaucrats in Central found so important. Arlert brushes past him, his two friends at his side. Levi spares them a casual glance, his mind already on the forms that will need...

Wait.

He stops and turns around. Arlert is wearing a pair of black high heels, so is Jeager. The only reason Mikasa isn't is because she has on a pair of red stilettos.

This bears investigation. Aside from high heels being non-regulation wear, he cannot imagine Ackerman is someone who would bear heels without a damn good reason. (You cannot be too sure about Jeager or Arlert)

Levi turns around in the hall and carefully tails the three. He is just in time to see them turn a corner and enter Erwin's office. Interesting.

He presses an ear to the door in time to hear Erwin speak.

"Yes... umm... your proposal to have to library... err... expanded is... umm... very interesting."

Erwin stuttering? Levi carefully pushes open the door and quietly slides into the corner as unobtrusively as possible.

Arlert and his friends are seated in chairs in front of Erwin's desk. Arlert has one of his legs across his knee, showing off the black high heel on his feet.

Erwin is a nervous mess. His face is flushed, and his eyes dart every which way, settling briefly on Arlert's feet, before quickly turning away.

"Does it meet with your approval?" Arlert asks, his face and voice the very picture of innocence.

"Well... its just... umm..."

Ackerman takes that as her cue to raise one of her knees to her chest, and slowly begin running her hands over the stiletto on her foot.

Levi watches in fascination as a drop of sweat slowly runs down Erwin's face. The man reaches up and tugs at his collar. His mouth moves silently for a few minutes as he openly gapes. Its like watching a train wreck.

"Ahhh... ummm... YES! Yes! I think its a good idea!"

Armin smiles warmly and climbs to his feet. "Thank you sir. I really hope you can come through with that box of kittens." He salutes Erwin and heads for the door, Jeager and Ackerman following him.

Erwin's eyes never leave their feet.

As soon as the door closes, Erwin lets out a loud groan and collapses in his chair.

"I warned you," Levi remarks stepping out of the corner. "Arlert has all our weaknesses in his Little Black Book."

Erwin's head hits the desk with a bang. "That little bastard..."

 

~Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner~ Schoolgirl Skirts, Kittens, and Giant Rubber Anacondas

 

"Surrender Bertholdt," Armin called out. "You can't win now. I know your weakness!"

Bertholdt stared at Armin impassively. He knew they were screwed of course. He could still hear Reiner's screams of terror as a group of scouts chased him through the forest with a giant rubber anaconda.

There was only one option. His knife flew out of its sheath.

Armin quickly reached behind him, and whipped out a square wicker basket with a lid.

"Mew?"

The knife froze, millimeters from Bertholdt's hand.

Armin reached over, and pulled off the lid with a snap. Five small tabby kittens poked curious heads out over the lip of the basket. One of them opened its mouth and let out a pitiful pleading cry.

The knife fell to the ground.

---

Annie let out a breath of relief as Reiner's screams finally faded. She cast a glare as the guards trooped past her cell, the rubber anaconda stretched out between them.

Damn Armin to hell! She knew he was responsible for figuring out their weaknesses.

Speaking of weaknesses....

She shifted her glare across the hallway.

Bertholdt had been placed in a cell across from her. Unlike her, his wrists had not been shackled to the wall.

Those goddamned kittens were doing a good enough job of that.

Bertholdt was oblivious to everything going on around him as he dangled a piece of yarn over the head of one of the kittens. He had the dopiest smile on his face as the kitten batted at the yarn, and was muttering something inaudible to Annie, but which was undoubtedly so sweet and heart-melting that it could make her teeth rot.

Damn Armin to hell.

Speaking of Armin. Her ears picked up as she heard the voice of Eren coming down the passageway.

"Damnit Armin. Are you sure this is necessary? Can't we just, you know, torture her?"

They came into view of her cell, and whatever vile insult she had prepared died a sudden death as her brain jammed.

Armin and Eren were both dressed in identical costumes. The get-up consisted of a white buttoned shirt, a pair of thick rimmed glasses, white knee high socks, and a pleated miniskirt. Both of them were clutching notebooks to their chest, and Eren was red in the face, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Cute..." her treacherous mind thought.

"Annie-sensei," Armin said, as he unlocked her cell and him and Eren slipped inside. "We were having some problems, and we want to know if you can help us with some questions?" His face and voice were the very picture of guileless innocence.

"Wha..." She could already feel her brain turning into goo and dribbling out her ears; right along with her willpower. Her mouth moved soundlessly for a few moments as she openly gaped at them. "W-what do you need?"

Armin gave a warm smile, while Eren shuffled nervously in his skirt. "Thank you Annie-sensei! Now, first question... ummm...." He bit his bottom lip as he checked the notebook. "What was this village you said you came from?"

She heard herself answering without hesitation.

Damn Armin to hell!