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End it?

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The boy sat alone, in his room. He had his eyes hidden behind dirty blond hair. Eyes that weren’t really like anyone elses, he thought of them as a sick joke, one was a dark brown, the other an ocean blue.

There were noises and whispering outside his door, there always were. The nurses loved to gossip in the hallways. He used to listen in, but now, it just makes him sick. How the hell do they talk about the patients they’re supposed to help get better like they were some shitty T.V. show?

It doesn’t matter though, he brought his knees to his chest, his jeans were starting to get too big, he hasn’t been eating well since he got here a few months ago, at least they let him where his own clothes.

His arms had one long, wide white scar on each, suicide attempts. It’s not his fucking fault, he didn’t want to handle it anymore. But his dad walked in, and freaked the fuck out, called 911, they brought him to the hospital, diagnosed him with bipolar 2 disorder, and shipped him here, saying he wasn’t stable enough. He shifted his eyes to the bed next to him, it’s been empty since he got here. There was no sheets or blankets on it, just the plain mattress with the plastic slip cover.

His own bed had white sheets, two crappy pillows, and two scratchy blankets. They said they’d bring him another one if he asked, but they made sure to keep the heat up really high, since it was winter. It’s too bad he can’t open his window to cool down once in a while.

There’s a brisk knock at the door, before he can even say anything a slightly chubby nurse walks in, her hello kitty scrubs fading. That’s one thing about being in a “children's” ward, all the nurses had some childish design on their scrubs. Even though you could be kept there until your 21st birthday. Although, that only happened if you were there before, they never put twenty year olds in here fresh off the bat, the oldest that had been put in there since the boy was there was nineteen, and he didn’t stay long.

“Sollux, honey, it’s free time now. Would you like to come out?”

Her voice was sugary sweet, yet so fake at the same time.

“ No, thinth when do I ever have free time?”

He snaps back, nails digging into his own hand slightly from annoyance at his own lisp.

“Just checking, anyway, we would like to talk to you. So may I come in?”

“Even if i thay no, it’ll jutht go on my record and you’ll come in anyway.”

She steps forward, frowning slightly at his rudeness, and goes to sit on the bed.

“Are we still in a bad mood? Would you like to talk to someone? You don’t have any plans to hurt yourself do you?”

The boy, Sollux, twitches slightly in annoyance at her flood of questions.

“Why the fuck would i hurt mythelf?! Thatth jutht thtupid!”

She reaches out to his wrist and he pulls back angrily.

“That ithn’t me hurting mythelf! That’th me saying ‘fuck thith thit I don’t wanna deal with it anymore, goodbye’!”

She frowns heavily.

“Sollux, sweetie, if you keep talking like that you’re going to have to stay here longer.”

He scoffs, knowing damn well he was gonna be there for awhile as it was.

“You wanted to talk to me, tho talk. Hurry up tho you can get out of here and leave me alone. I really don’t want to deal with you’re fake ath nithe act.”

The nurse bites her lip in irritation and takes a deep breath.

“Your counselor here is becoming very worried about you, Sollux. You are acting extremely antisocial, and when you agree to talk to someone you are very rude. So she has decided that it will be in your best interest if we gave you a new roommate. He will be arriving in a week. I’m sure he’s a very nice boy, and from reading his file, I can’t disclose much, but you two seem to have similar issues.”

Sollux frowns deeply, his chapped lips splitting a little and he can taste a small amount of blood.

“Also, she is requiring that you be more social, you must participate in the twice weekly group sessions, you must go out of your room for free time, and you mustn’t sit by yourself during lunch hours. If you do then she is going to be meeting with you on a daily basis, possibly multiple times a day. Do I make myself clear?”

He shoots her a glare and stands up, ready to set foot outside his room for one of the first times, besides meals. It’s not that he minded his counselor, she was kind of a sarcastic bitch, put things bluntly and made a lot of jokes, but that didn’t mean he wanted to spend every waking hour with her.

“Fine, I get it, let’th jutht get thith over with so I can come back here and thleep.”

He steps past the door and maneuvers through the halls, having memorized the basic placement of things during his tour. He can hear his door shut and lock, and the footfalls of the nurse behind him.

He keeps his hair in front his face and his head tilted down to look at the ground. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his jeans, and he pretty much is dragging his socked feet across the ground.

The boy is tall, standing about 5’10”, but he’s nowhere near well built, he’s thin, not because he doesn't eat, but he just doesn’t gain weight, his ribs are clearly prominent. Although the people in the hospital seem to think he has some form of eating disorder, simply because the food there is gross, and he’s losing a lot of weight. His counselor, or clinician\therapist whatever you wanted to call her, knew better and ignored them when they brought it up to him. She would actually bring him fast food and chips sometimes, if he complied to his treatment, and he would scarf it down fast.

He actually enjoyed meeting with his counselor, they would sit around and talk about random stuff, like video games, which she knew a lot about from her younger brother, just like any therapist though they try not to talk about their personal lives, he just knows she’s really young, she took her college classes early, during highschool, and had graduated a couple of years after her high school graduation. Although lately the staff has been complaining to her about him, so they actually do treatment, and she’ll trick him into revealing something he doesn’t want to sometimes.

Eventually he descends down a flight of stairs and arrives in the basement, which largely consisted of the “play room”.

The room had soft yellow walls with a jungle scene, complete with animals, on the back wall. The carpet was a dingy brown, covered in various stains, and it wasn’t so soft. There were a couple of pleather couches and chairs facing towards a large, but old, T.V., T.V. time was highly monitored, they had a few movies on hand they’d put in, mostly little kid movies with a few documentaries, although every now and then if they got a really nice staff a movie would be rented. There was also an xbox 360 and PS3, which were only there because someone donated it for christmas sometime ago, but all the games were E-rated, either dealing with work out and dancing, and a couple of scratched up sport games.

There were two small round wooden tables, with uncomfortable plastic chairs, they were covered with construction paper, safety scissors, and crayons. There were some younger kids sitting at one of the tables, and two teen girls sitting at the other. The teen girls seemed to be having more fun and making a bigger mess than the kids, who were mostly crying and fighting over colors.

Pushed against another wall were two long rectangular tables, the same plastic chairs, one had a stack of board games and cards, the other sat a boy and girl, the girl seemed unusually happy, and actually sent Sollux a charming smile as he walked in, and the boy had a sloppy grin looking kind of dazed.

A bookshelf was pushed into the corner filled with tattered books ranging from Dr.Seuss to the Hobbit, and had a really comfy looking chair next to it. There was a pretty girl sitting in the chair reading a book on ocean animals.

Near the Jungle wall was a foosball table, two boys were playing it, one with a straight face the other smiling like an idiot, although if anybody looked close enough they could see he was straining to keep that smile. Three girls were watching them, two with overly joyed expressions, the other was staring at the game intensely.

There were other kids, looking to have a range of ages, spread throughout the room as well.

There was a door off to one side by the rectangular tables. Sollux remembers it leading it to a hallway, with a bathroom and the laundry room as well as a supply closet, he was told when he first got here if he needed an art supply or craft of sort that wasn’t already out to ask a staff and they’ll check to see if they had it.

Sollux continued his trek into the room, not really sure what to do or where to go, he didn’t know anybody here, and he really didn’t feel like dealing with people, at least not now.

Before he could even think of something that wouldn’t be a total pain in the ass to do, some guy walked up to him. He had bleached hair, you could see the brown roots, with a purple-ish streak in the front of his bangs, you could easily tell he normally gelled his hair to stick up, but they won't allow you to have hair products here, including but not limited to hair straighteners, curlers, hairspray and gel, as well as makeup. The boys hair was thin, and fried from various dyes and cosmetics throughout his life. He had on glasses with black plastic frames, and he wore a loose black and grey striped t-shirt, with a purple fashion scarf, and skinny jeans. He didn’t have shoes either. Which made since, they were only allowed to have shoes when they went outside, which wasn’t gonna happen much since it was freezing and snowing out.

“Hello there, what's your name?”

He shot a flirtatious smile, and he stuttered very slightly, in fact it was barely noticeable, on the w.

Sollux blew him off and brushed past him, pausing slightly unsure of what to do now, until the girl sitting with the boy waved him over.

She had pretty short blond hair that had a slight wave at the bottom, and there was a small piece by her bangs that curled upward. As he got closer he noticed bags forming under her shimmering eyes, they were a light color and he couldn't really tell what color it was. Her lips looked soft and full, and they were pulled into a gorgeous natural smile. She was on the thinner side of the scale, but she wasn’t skinny, she had fat in the right places, giving her a nice body image over all. Her skintone was a bit pale, and there were scratch marks with small beads of blood on her left arm, as if she had been nervously clawing at it without realizing it. She had on a short jean skirt, with black leggings underneath, and a white shirt with a picture of a kitten in a tiara that read “princess” in girly cursive.

“Hey Bro, Whats all up your name? I mean, seen ya around lunch sometimes, but you never talked to anyone.”

The boys volume kind of shifted slightly during words and phrases, and his voice crackled and sounded hoarse. He too had bags under his eyes, except his were darker. His skin was tanned, and he had pink scars across his face, which made sollux slightly uncomfortable. His hair was longer for a boy, and it was a tangled mess, as if he never brushed it. His eyes were a deep brown and bloodshot, his smile was lazy and he had a small twitch in his right hand. His legs were long, and Sollux thought that if the boy stood up he’d be taller than him. He was really thin in the stomach area, similar to Sollux. He was wearing a very baggy black reaper shirt, the design was almost completely faded and there were small holes along the him and at the armpit, he also had on a pair of faded purple polka dot pajama pants that had a string tied around the waist to keep them up.

“ My name’th thollukth.”

The boy looked at him confused, noticing the speech issue and trying to figure out exactly how to say it.

“ Uh…Sol...lux?”

His words came out slow and unsure, but his smile returned when sollux nodded.

“ My name’s Roxy! It’s, like, really awesome to see a new face!”

The girl, Roxy, was charming, and her voice seemed smooth and sweet, although it hitched in places. She pointed her thumb at the boy with that same charming smile.

“ And this is Gamzee.”

He smiled his lopsided grin, and it was pretty easy to tell that he was out of it.

“ Come, pull up a chair, Solbro. We’re just all up an’ chillin’ out here and talking bout our motherfuckin’ feelin’s an’ issues ya know. Pasts and shit.”

Sollux frowns and takes a half a step back, before Roxy reaches out and grabs his wrist.
“ Hey, you don’t really, like, have to talk about serious shit you know. We can just sit here and talk about stupid stuff, like if you ever ate glue, or what was the strangest thing you put down your pants so someone wouldn’t take it.”

Her eyes are begging, she looks fragile right now. Of course she’s fragile though, she’s locked up in a mental health clinic

Sollux let’s out a sigh before offering up a small smile and taking a seat next to Roxy.

“Yeah thure, why not. Let’th jutht talk about the random ath thit that get’th shoved down peopleth pantth.”

It was a fairly random and interesting conversation. He found out that once, when she had woken up after a night of partying, Roxy found a gecko in her bra. And Gamzee had walked around one Halloween, while he was high off his ass, in a speedo with a banana in it, although he tried to say he was being classy by wearing a bow tie.

The two had very interesting stories from when they were under the influence of various things. That was actually the main reason they were there, was because of substance abuse and dependency. They both had other little things that brought them here, but they were bonding over getting over a mutual problem.

Sollux had no clue why they were accepting him into their little get sober club, he just chalked it up to them being nice people. Which he was glad he found a couple of people that made this place seem somewhat normal, he could even feel his mood getting better. Though it probably would have done that soon anyway.

Here’s in hopes that his mood stays stable and doesn’t shift too far off the spectrum.