Work Header

Secrets Within

Chapter Text

Nobody knew why Harry had been so off for the last few months, but what they did know, is that he was gradually getting worse.

The once happy-go-lucky, high-spirited teenage had turned into a dull, anti-social, moody guy, who spent most of his time locked in his and Louis' bedroom, his head buried in his diary, scribbling away thoughts that nobody else was allowed to see. The only one who ever saw him past concerts and interviews, was Louis. Each night, he would silently creep into their shared bed, hoping and praying that maybe he would talk, but he never did. He just lay there, clinging to his leather bound diary, back turned to him.

To the public, however, there was no change what-so-ever. His persona completely changed whenever the cameras were around, back to the old Harry that everybody knew and loved. He'd flirt with all the guys, hugging and kissing them playfully on the cheek to keep the fans happy. He'd laugh and joke in the interviews, making out that everything was alright, just like nothing had ever happened.

But as soon as the cameras were off, he would immediatly change. The boys never mentioned it to him, well, not after Louis had tried and ended up nearly deaf with his shouting rant. Louis had still slept with him, but he could never sleep, half with worry that he would do something drastic in the night, and half with hope, that maybe he would turn over and talk, but it never happened.

Finally, the tension in the house became too much for the guys, and they asked, full of regret, for Harry to be moved out. The 4 boys went out, telling Harry they were going to get something for tea, and after getting no reply as usual, they left for the office. They sat in front of the management and told them everything, tears in their eyes, wishing they didn't have to resort to this.


"So then boys, come in. I got your text Liam, what is all this fuss about?" Their manager said calmly, his eyes scanning over the 4 boys as they came in and sat down, a curious look on his face appearing when Harry didn't appear.

Liam was the first to speak, taking a deep breath, before beginning to tell the story.

"Well, as you have probably noticed, Harry isn't here today, but that's what our problem is"

"Harry?" The manager questioned, confused.

Harry, in their eyes, had always been the good boy, accepting whatever proposals they gave him with a pinch of salt, no matter how much they hurt him.

"Well, yeah, you see" Continued Liam, the tears already starting to well in his eyes.

"Harry, he hasn't been himself lately. He won't talk to anyone, he locks himself away in his room, he never comes down to eat, Louis has to take it up to him otherwise he wouldn't eat at all. He blanks us out the minute the cameras are off! Yet on stage and in interviews, he is the same as he was before, in fact, he even laughs and jokes around more than he used to honestly"

Liam stopped talking as the tears started to roll down his face, NIall pulling him in for a hug as he broke down in his arms, the thought of losing Harry finally hitting him. The manager sat there shocked, trying to take it all in.

"Has... has anyone tried talking to him about it? Seeing what is wrong?" He asked, worry lining his voice.

"I have" Said Louis, as he shakily raised his hand.

"He just screamed at me, telling me to mind my own buisness. Saying that I was making it all worse for him, before he pushed him away and stormed off to the bus. He hasn't spoke to any of us since, not even me. Not past on the stage or in interviews anyway."

Louis then also looked down, and cried, remembering clearly the day he had tried to speak to Harry. The vemon in his best mate's voice pierced through him and shocked him to the core. Zayn also budged across on the plush leather sofa, pulling the older boy onto his knee and rubbing his back soothingly. Zayn had been shocked himself when he saw it, but he knew that it would be nothing compared to what it did to Louis. They had been inseparable, and now they were too far apart.

"So, I'm guessing you want him out of the house?"

The 4 boys nodded in unison, not able to speak the word themselves. They didn't want to do it, but it was the only way to solve it. They couldn't be thenselves when he was in the house like that, always scared of what he would do. They all slid together in a group hug, knowing that they had done the right thing, but with total regret.

"Well, that's pretty easily solved for you guys. It's not something I ever thought I would be doing, but you are in the middle of the tour, so he can't take a break, and also, by the looks of it, you could do with a break from him. We will send a car in the morning, and give you his new address. Ok boys?"

The boys looked up together and nodded again, breathing a sigh of relief that they might just be able to sleep the next night.

"Would you like us to tell him?" Their manager asked, mainly looking at Louis as he spoke.

"Yes, please, if you.." Liam began, but was cut off by Louis.

"No, Liam.... I... I will do it, please. I... I think I need to."

The boys all looked at Louis with surprise, but as they caught the gleam in his eye, they finally understood what he meant. He couldn't let Harry go in his heart, and the only way he could let him move out is by making sure that he knew he was cared about back home, and that Louis cared about him. They each individually went to hug him, and he let out a shaky breath, knowing what he had just put himself up for.

"Ok then boy, someone will see you in the morning. I'm sorry that it has had to come to this, but I'm glad you have managed to sort it out sensibly. Bye for now, and... Good Luck, Louis."

Louis shot him back a small smile, before opening the door and leading the 3 other boys out. They walked to the car and travelled back in silence, knowing what they were about to face. As they pulled up to the house, Niall began to stand up, but Liam grabbed him arm, exchaning glances with Louis in a silent conversation.

"I think we ought to give them some time alone, let Louis try to talk him round?" Liam said, as Louis nodded him head.

The other 2 boys agreed, and relaxed back in their seats, as Louis slid open the door and climbed out, shooting a small smile to the boys before sliding the door closed. He took a deep breath as he watched the limo drive away, and turned to the door, bracing himself before walking in.

Louis slowly and silently went into the house, closing the door quietly, trying not to disturb Harry. He could faintly hear the noise of the shower running, and decided to go up, knowing that he would back out if he didn't do it now. He slowly walked up the stairs, trying to make sure they didn't creak, and when he finally reached the top, he stood still, wondering whether to wait in the bedroom for him, or go and confront him in the bathroom.

Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open, and Harry walked out just wrapped in a towel, at first oblivious to Louis stood in front of him. When he looked up and saw him, his face controted into a look of horror, and he sprinted into their room, slamming the door closed behind him. Louis stayed there, shocked by his best mate's actions. He had seen him naked many times before, and he couldn't understand why he was so worried by it now. Determined to find his answers before Harry left, he cautiously walked to the door and knocked, before pulling on the handle and walking in.

The room.. was a tip, but that wasn't what shocked him. All of his clothes were piled on the bed, and it looked like Harry had been lay in the middle of them. As he seached around for Harry, he found him stood behind the curtain, looking like he was frantically trying to put some clothes on, the towel peeking out, discarded on the floor. As we waited, he began to fold all his clothes up and put them back away, deciding not to ask why.

After about 20 minutes of silence apart from the odd shuffle from a still hidden Harry, and the sound of Louis' drawers moving, all Louis' clothes were away, and Louis decided to sit on the bed, before bracing himself and starting to talk.

"Haz, Harry, I don't know what the hell is going on with you lately. You won't talk, you won't even sit with us, all you do is shut yourself in here and write in your journal. I'm... sorry. I'm sorry if it's something that I have done, and I won't ask you about it, because I clearly rememeber what happened last time. You hurt me, Haz, you really did. Both with your words and your actions. What happened to us? Larry Stylinson, the world's best bromance and possible romance? I want to know you again Harry, and so do the rest of the boys. But, it's been 3 months of this now, and... We.. I... Nobody can live with it anymore. So... as much as I really regret doing this, you... you have to move out. Tomorrow. And... you can come back whenever you want, just... please... be in a better mood when you get back? I really didn't ever think we would be separated, but I can't sleep anymore! I want to sleep with you, but it's so tense in here that it's impossible for me to sleep. And I know you don't either, so it's the best way. The bed is always here for when you get back, but please, please know that we are only doing this for the best. I love you, Harry Edward Styles. But right now, it feels like you hate me, especially when you ran away earlier. I will always be waiting for you, whenever you fell like coming back. I'm sorry. I'll leave you to pack and see you later."


Louis finished his speech with a chocking voice, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over, but determined not to let Harry see him cry. He slowly got up from the bed, and shot a glance at the curtain, where Harry was still stood, not have moving an inch or made a sound whilst Louis had been talking. Louis wiped a stray tear from his cheek, and walked swifly out the room, shutting the door behind him, before running into Zayn's room and collapsing on the bed. He broke down, sobbing into his pillow, his whole body shaking with the force of the sobs.

2 hours later, the other boys returned, and went straight to their rooms, deciding not to check on Harry. Zayn walked into his and immediatly saw Louis, still crying from earlier, but his voice was horse and his body limp, without energy. He ran over to the bed and pulled him into his arms, rocking him softly, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as he tried to calm him down.

"I've lost him, Ze. I've totally lost him!" Louis sobbed into Zayn's shoulder, his voice totally broken.

Zayn held him even tighter on hearing those words, knowing that Harry had either totally blanked him, or gone off on one earlier. The elder boy was usually the most optimistic of them all, and to see him like this was heart breaking.

"Do you wanna sleep with me tonight Lou? You know you are always welcome" Zayn asked quietly, kissing the top of Louis' head softly.

"No, but thankyou for the offer. I... I need to make it as normal as possible, and... this could be my last night with him. I have to do this, both for me and for him"

Louis stopped crying, but his voice was still croaky from all the crying, and he slowly pulled away from Zayn. He gave him a small smile, letting him know that he would be ok, and walked from the room. As he approached the door to his and Harry's room, he took a deep breath, knowing that he had to keep it together until he left.

As he walked in, his eyes widened in shock at how different it looked from 2 hours earlier. All of Harry's stuff was gone, packed in 3 large cases which were stood next to the door. He hadn't left a single scrap of evidence that he ever lived in here visible. All his pictures and posters were gone, his pillow cases, all his shoes were packed, apart from a small pile of clothes that he had got out for tomorrow.

And there Harry lay, right on the edge of the far side of the bed, clutching his journal in his arms. Louis knew he wasn't asleep, but knew better than to try and talk to him. He closed the door behind him, and got unchanged in the dark, chucking his clothes into a pile in the corner. He walked over to the bed and slid between the sheets, trying his best not to move the mattress too much. He rolled over onto his back, like always, so that he could see Harry out of the corner of his eye but without looking like he was looking at him.

But, as it was his last night with Harry, for now at least, he moved onto his side so that he was fully facing Harry. He took in the features of his toned muscles, broad shoulders and long neck line, and he finally landed on his hair. His lovely, long, soft, curly hair. He remembered the times when he could just reach over and run his fingers through it whenever he wanted, and sighed, knowing that those days were long gone. Because he had been crying all night, coupled with the fact he hadn't slept properly in months, he was actually too tired to stay awake all night. As he allowed his head to sink into the pillow, he let a small whisper escape his mouth.

"I don't want to lose you Harry. There will always be a place in my heart for you, always."

Louis reluctantly let himself drop to sleep, but Harry didn't budge anyway, however, a small single tear drop did slowly run down his face.


Louis woke up early in the morning, after a restless night's sleep. He glanced at the clock, the only thing left on his side table now that all Harry's stuff was packed. 5:30 am. He took a quick glance over at Harry, who was silent apart from the low sound of his heavy breathing. He looked so peaceful, just lay there, and then he decided to do something that could cause a problem, but he just couldn't resist. He lent over, and placed his lips on the back of his shoulder blade. He felt Harry tense at the contact, but he was determined, and he let his lips linger a little while longer before slowly pulling away. But, before he stood up, he lent over again and whispered softly in his ear.

"I'm going to really miss you Hazza, I really am. Please, whatever this is, let me help you through it. It's going to kill me seeing you go today, so please don't be shocked if I let a tear escape. You are still, and you will always be my best friend, my Hazza, and you will never leave my heart. And I will always be your Loubear, because I would be lying if I said I ever wasn't. I love you Hazza, and I'm truly sorry. Please, forgive me and come back."

Louis gently placed his lips to his cheek and pecked it softly, before totally pulling away, crawling off the bed and slipping quietly from the room, before venturing downstairs to make a drink. Surprisingly, Liam was already up, and was stood in the kitchen, doing exactly that, so he grabbed another cup when he heard footsteps, and poured Louis a drink as well. The pair took their drinks and sat around the breakfast bar. They sat in a comfotable silence as they sipped their drinks, before Liam put his down, and reached over towards Louis, who extended his arm and held his hand.

"Today's the day Lou. How you feeling?" Liam asked, rubbing his thumb softly over the back of Louis' hand

"Not good, honestly Li. I've tried to talk to him again, I've tried everything to get a response from him, but he's still as distant as usual. I... I even kissed his shoulder this morning and whispered into his ear, but there was nothing. Not even a whimper, no noise, no reaction at all. I can't do this, how can I just watch him walk out that door?" Louis replied, his voice cracking again as the walls he built up came crashing down against at the thought of him leaving.

Liam got up and walked around towards him. He took his hand and led him to the living room, laying down on the sofa and pulling Louis down to lay on him, as the pair held onto eachother. Liam began to realise what effect it really would have on Louis, as Louis totally broke down again in his arms.

A little while later, both Niall and Zayn came down, and saw the pair on the sofa. They walked over and sat beside them on the floor, Zayn grabbing Liam's free hand and Niall grabbing Louis' and they all sat together in a circle, holding onto eachtother.

They must have sat there for hours, until they were awoken by the sound of knocking on the door, and they knew it was time. They all slowly got up off the sofa, and Liam went for the door, opening it to reveal Paul, their body guard, whom had been with them from the very start.

"Hey guys, look, I know this is all hard for you, so I'm just going to wait in the car for him. I'll call back later to tell you how he goes." Paul said, putting his hand on Liam's shoulder before walking back down to the car.

Harry appeared silently at the botton of the stairs, and Louis turned round and saw him. Harry turned round and started to walk back up the stairs, and Louis realised that he was silently asking for help with his bags. The boys shot him a small smile, and he began to follow Harry up the stairs and into their room.

Harry entered the room and grabbed two of the three suitacases. As Louis walked in, he began to walk out, and Louis' heart dropped as he realised that this was really it. He was going to leave without even a good bye. He walked over to the far side of the room and grabbed the last remaining suitcase, and took one last glance over the room before following him out again, realising that Harry had already gone down and left him. He slowly made his way downstairs, trying to prolong it as much as he could, and as he reached the bottom, he caught a glimpse of the other boys still stood behind the sofa. All 3 were crying, and he knew then that Harry must have walked without saying a word, and he gave them a sympathetic glance before heading to the door.

When he reached the car, Harry had already loaded his bags, and was sat on the seat closest to the door, ready to close it. Louis slotted his bag into the boot along with the others, and shut up the boot. Harry still had the car door open, and Louis knew that he wasn't going to let him go so easily. He walked around to the entrance and stood before him, reaching out and putting a hand on his right arm, the one with only "Things I Can" tattooed on it. Harry glanced up, and for the first time in nearly 3 months, he locked eyes with Louis. Harry bit his bottom lip, as if trying to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth, but said nothing, keeping the eye contact with the older boy.

They stayed like that for a few moments, each one trying to read the other, with Harry succeding and Louis failing. Harry could see the hurt, the upset, the pain in Louis' eyes, but couldn't bring himself to say anything. Louis could see nothing but a blank sheet in Harry's eyes, totally emotionless, which was just like he had seemed for the last few months. Finally, Louis moved his hand down, instead grabbing Harry's hand and bringing it to his lips. Harry made no attempt to pull it back, so Louis placed a lingering kiss to it, before gently letting go. Louis stepped back slightly, and grabbed the handle of the door, knowing that he wouldn't be able to keep it together much longer.

"Be safe, Hazza, and you know where I am if you need me. No matter what time. I promise. I love you, Haz, and I will miss you. Goodbye, for now"

Louis sent one last look at Harry, before pulling the handle and sliding the door closed. The windows were blacked out, so he couldn't see Harry at all, and he continued to stand there and watch as the car rolled away, until it finally drove out of sight. He turned to walk back into the house, where the other 3 boys were stood waiting for him, all crying silent tears. He walked in and shut the door, before turning to the boys.

"I'm... I'm going to go upstairs for a bit, if you don't mind. I just need some time."

The boys nodded their heads in understanding, and they each quickly hugged him, before he left for his and Harry's, or should he say his room now. He walked in and closed the door, before making his way over to the bed. He slid under the covers on Harry's side, and breathed in his scent, relishing his musky smell for the last time.

But, as he went to move his legs further under, he hit a hard object under the covers. Confused, he dragged it up with his feet, and he gasped when he realised what it was.

Harry's leather bound diary.

He slowly picked it up, running his hands over the edges, remembering all the times he had seen Harry clutching it to his chest for dear life.

But why had he left it?

Should he take it to him?

But then he realised, he might have left it for a purpose. What if it could tell him all the secrets as to his odd behaviour? Louis decided that, after just watching his best mate go away without even properly saying goodbye, he deserved to know. So, he sat up in bed, switched the light on, and began to read.

The Personal Diary of the one Mr Harry Edward Styles....